Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Dim Sum ❯ Third Course ( Chapter 3 )

And here’s a third helping of literary junk food. If anyone’s getting bored with this (unlikely, since it seems no one reads them), please tell me and I’ll try to write things that a bit more lively.

#11: Pitfalls– The Real Danger

The movies are wrong; the games, too. No matter what Jones and Croft try to tell you, ancient temples are not filled with booby-traps that shoot arrows, launch giant stone balls, or spin giant blades. I mean, simple monoliths have a hard enough time standing up after a few millennia, and even a robust trigger mechanism requires maintenance. Snake pits are a little more realistic, but they tend to be accidental. I should know: I’ve spent fifteen years in the field as an archaeologist, mostly in libraries, but I’ve done my share of digs. It’s not quite as boring as some people would like you to think, all brushes and dental tools, afraid to destroy the slightest trace of kitchen rubbish. But it’s certainly not the wild world of exotic traps, angry animals, and gun-toting assassins Hollywood likes.

No, the real danger is far more prosaic and inevitable. Like I said, these temples are old, and no one’s taken any care of them for God knows how long. And that’s why I’m in the hospital with a broken leg: the damn floor gave way when a rotten support beam gave way and dropped me fifteen feet onto solid stone. Very few people can build a more effective trap than that.


#12: Dead Eyes– Dolls

‘Ok, Annie, it’s time to open Aunt Janet’s present.’

‘It’s a doll. I hate dolls.’ The young girl screwed her face up and set the gift to one side. It had to be said that it was a beautiful doll, with delicately painted porcelain skin, silken and velvet clothes, and hair that came from some animal with an unpronounceable name. It had come in a wood and glass case instead of plebeian cardboard and plastic. It was the kind of gift that said more about the giver’s disposable income than any regard for the recipient. In any case, it was soon forgotten in favour of more acceptable gifts: an Easy-Bake oven, a case of Play-Doh, and Risk.

Later that night, her mother tried to place the doll on a shelf in Annie’s room. The girl stopped her, saying, ‘I don’t want that in here at night.’

‘Why not, sweetie?’

‘Because those eyes follow me around. They all do it. Mr. Bear was the first one and none of them ever stopped.’

‘Oh, honey, the dolls aren’t alive. They can’t do anything to you.’

‘I know, and that’s why I’m afraid of their eyes.’

#13: Rum– Orders

Steve waved the bartender over and gave his order: ‘Shot of Bacardi, bourbon on the rocks, and a Star Brite.’

‘Siddown, son. That last one’ll take a few minutes.’ Jim moved at his methodical pace, gathering bottles from the shelves. By the time he returned with Steve’s order, another man was tapping the bar impatiently.

‘Gimme a double Starscream, and make it quick. Flight lifts in ten minutes.’

‘Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we’re out of Celadon rum. Won’t be getting any for at least a week. Would you mind a substitution?’ The newcomer puffed up like a certain spiny Earth fish, but couldn’t call Jim on this bluff. Jim’s poker face was legendary. The man shook his head angrily after checking his watch and left the bar.

Once the door closed, Steve asked, ‘Are you really out? Besides, there’s no rum in a Starscream.’

‘No, there isn’t. And Celadon’s a type of porcelain.’



#14: The Supernatural– Who You Gonna Call?

It started with strange sounds and cold spots. A small pile of money for inspection of my air conditioning and plumbing turned up nothing. I pushed my sofa a bit to the left to take advantage of free cooling and bought one of those white noise generators for my bedroom. A few weeks later, it was just a minor inconvenience like the stubborn light switch in the bathroom.

Then the apparitions started: Faces and limbs emerging from walls and mirrors, occasionally a full human figure in the middle of my living room. The videophone and holovision repairmen couldn’t find anything wrong with either appliance, and their bills were even higher than the last round. Fortunately, they were quiet, rare, and nearly transparent, so they didn’t get in my way much.

The poltergeists were the last straw: flying remotes, eggs, and silverware was not something I could put up with. Catching a fork in my leg was particularly uncomfortable. My friend Jack referred me to a medium he claimed could help. She just muttered a few vague sentences about appeasing the spirits and putting them to rest. It didn’t help and I ended up moving to a new apartment on the far side of town. The landlord said the AC acted up now and then, but it should be fine.



#15: Lime– Sea of Stars

‘Leftenant Winter here will be your liaison and guide during your stay.’ Admiral Beaumont gestured to the young man to his left. Winter gave the palm-out salute that the Albion Royal Navy had inherited from its seaborne predecessor.

‘Thank you, sir. It is an honour to travel aboard the Indomitable. I only fear that Neo Orléans will not take kindly to an Albion battlecruiser in orbit.’

‘Don’t worry, Ambassador. Diplomats travel aboard naval vessels as a matter of course: It adds dignity and shows the power of your nation. Can you imagine what people would think of an ambassador who arrived on a tramp freighter?’

‘I see your point, Admiral. I think it would be best if I settled in before we set sail. Lieutenant, will you show me to my quarters?’

Once the Ambassador and Lieutenant had gone below decks, Beaumont turned to a grizzled seaman behind him and asked, ‘What do you think of our new guest?’

‘Can’t say, sir. But the crew’s muttering. Bad luck to have a woman aboard, and no mistake. Been like that ever since we had water ‘neath our hulls.’ Richard had followed Beaumont from ship to ship since he had been a newly minted Lieutenant and knew he was expected to speak his mind. He added, ‘The sooner we put her ashore, the better. Men can’t work the rigging properly crossing themselves and touching rabbits’ feet every second.’

‘Thank you, Mr. Fraser. All right, you lot! Weigh anchor, raise sails, and cast off! Double ration of grog when we make Neo Orléans, triple if it’s under a week.’

Sailors swarmed aloft up the stately masts and gossamer-thin sails billowed in the invisible winds that blow between the stars. The Indomitable pulled away from the dock and cruised silently across that dark boundless sea. She swayed a little, less than a terrestrial ship, but enough to inconvenience those not used to it.

Notes:

#14: I admit to borrowing the tagline from the Ghostbusters franchise, but it fits the idea too well to pass up.

#15: Sailors of the British Royal Navy have been referred to as ‘Limeys’ since time immemorial. I’d imagine a successor state out in the stars might carry on the tradition.