Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Elementals ❯ Fear ( Chapter 5 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Elementals

Chapter Five

Tilare awoke in a panic. She had had that dream again; the same one she had had the night before.

She clutched the doll version of her sister Etoni to her chest as she ventured a glance at the bed next to hers. Good, she thought, She's still asleep.

Silently, Tilara climbed out of bed, searching blindly in the dark for her clean uniform and sandals. The clothes she wore to sleep would not be suitable for wearing around the castle halls.

After a few attempts at tying her sash in the darkness and failing, she gave up, deciding to carry it with her instead. She grabbed her doll off the bed.

Taking a deep breath, Tilara opened the door slowly, peering back at Rixana's sleeping form. The other girl showed no signs of stirring. Tilara stepped into the hall, closing the door behind her just as slowly and quietly as she had opened it.

There was no movement outside her bedroom. The guards posted on either end of the hallway clearly saw her, but they made no effort to greet her.

I can't sleep now, she thought. What else can I do, though? She thought of Nalen, who had always been an early riser, even when he went to sleep late. Surely he would be awake. But where could he be? The answer came to her almost immediately.

Tilara made her way through the corridors, trying to remember exactly how she had gotten to the dining hall before and wishing that she knew how to read a map. Finally, she found the familiar double doors, either by luck or a good memory. Opening one of the doors, she stepped inside.

To her surprise, there were actually a few students in the dining hall, sitting at the tables. She was not sure if they were early risers, like Nalen, or unfortunate people who couldn't sleep, like her. She opened the door to the kitchen, finding the very person she wanted.

“Nalen,” she said softly. She didn't want to startle him; he was in the process of stirring some mixture in a large bowl.

He turned around, holding the bowl in one hand a stirring it with a wooden spoon in the other. The bowl was filled with a goopy white substance, scattered with blue and red lumps.

“You're up early,” Nalen said, frowning.

“I had the dream again,” Tilara replied, answering his silent question.

He sighed. “I guess the doll didn't help.”

Tilara shook her head. “No, it did. I didn't wake up screaming this time.” She smiled. “Rixana is still sleeping.”

“Well, that's good,” Nalen said. “Maybe she'll be more pleasant with more sleep.”

“I hope so,” Tilara said. She pointed to the bowl. “What is that?”

He grinned. “It's a surprise. Go sit down and I'll bring you some when it's done.”

“You realize that breakfast is in a few hours, right?”

“If I remember how to do this right, you won't want to eat the breakfast the cooks make.” He laughed. “Go sit down. It will only be a few minutes.”

She nodded, reentering the dining hall. She tied her sash, finally, before sitting down at her class's table. A few of the students who had been in the room before had left, replaced by a couple others.

She held her doll in front of her, absently waving its arms. She could never tell Nalen how much his gift meant to her. It was the first thing that she had ever owned for herself, other than clothes, since her parents had abandoned her when she was six. It was certainly the only thing she had ever had that was made specifically for her.

After a few minutes, a wonderful aroma wafted through the room. She looked up. The other students were looking at the door to the kitchen. They must be wondering what the smell is, Tilara thought.

The kitchen door opened. Nalen walked out, carrying a tray. A large plate sat in the center, piled with over a dozen pancakes. Another plate, filled with sausage links, was next to it, along with several more empty plates stacked beside it, two forks, a pitcher of milk, and two glasses. He smiled sheepishly as he reached the table.

“I might have gotten a little carried away,” he said.

Tilara laughed. “Well, it looks delicious.” She took the empty plate he offered. “What is in these?” she asked, picking up a pancake with her fork.

“Strawberries and blueberries,” he said, pouring some milk into a glass and placing it in front of her. “I got really hungry this morning. I sort of lost track of time and forgot to eat dinner last night.”

“I noticed,” Tilara said, frowning. “Rodem said he tried to get you to come down, but you were focused on something and didn't answer.” She looked down at the doll in her lap. “I guess this was the 'something.'”

“I lose track of things when I'm sewing or cooking,” he said apologetically. “I just get so focused on what I'm doing.”

Tilara smiled. “Especially since you haven't had many chances for that until now.” She was actually envious of the way Nalen was able to put so much of himself into his work, absorbing himself in things and escaping from everyday life. He had tried to teach her to sew, as well as to read and write, but she quickly grew frustrated. What's the point? She often asked herself. You're fooling yourself if you think you're ever going to need this stuff. You'll never become anything worthwhile. You'll either die of starvation in some alley or die in prison for some reason.

Her magic had just made things worse. It was the reason her parents had kicked her out. She was a failure as a water elemental. What kind of water elemental can't heal? She thought bitterly. She didn't deserve to exist. Certainly she didn't deserve to be discovered by Etoni, Nalen, and the others. And now, she was at a school with other elementals, training to use her magic in order to help win the war. That was yet another thing she didn't deserve.

“Why am I here?” she found herself asking aloud.

“Where?” Nalen asked, handing a plate to a younger air elemental who approached their table, looking hungry. “The dining hall, this school, or the world?”

“The school, mostly. I don't belong here.”

“Of course you do,” Nalen said. “We're elementals. We were brought here.”

“But we don't belong here,” Tilara repeated. “We don't belong anywhere. People like Rodem and Orashi, they should be here. They matter. Nululesa, Clather, Honel...even Rixana, they all belong here, too. They have families. They have something to look forward to in life, after the war is over. They can grow up, get jobs, get married. But us?” She looked into his eyes. “In the war, you'd be useful. You're a talented air elemental. Afterward, though, they'd dump you back on the street, and you'd be back where you started. You could and should be so much more. But we know that's not how the world works. You could get lucky and find a job. Maybe some tailor will take you on as an apprentice, but I doubt it. And I...I'm not good at anything. Even magic. They'll eventually realize that and kick me out.”

“No one's kicking you out,” Nalen said softly, yet forcefully. “If they did, they'd have to kick me out, too.”

His words pained her. She knew how much her family, particularly Etoni and Nalen, did for her. They worried about her. It made her even more miserable than she would already be. She was grateful that they cared about her so much, but she wished she were stronger and more independent. Maybe then she wouldn't have to feel guilty about having them do so much for her and giving nothing to them in return.

“There's no way I'd let you sacrifice a chance at a better life because of me. Forget everything I said about you not having a chance when the war's over. Knowing you, you'd find a way. But you can't do that by throwing away that chance. You do too much for me already. I'd be fine on my own.” She wished that she believed that last sentence.

“It doesn't matter, anyway. You're not going anywhere. You have as much of a right to be here as anyone else.” He pointed at her plate, which had not been touched. “Eat. Otherwise, I might take that as an insult to my cooking.”

Tilara laughed, carefully cutting off a piece of her pancake and placing it in her mouth. After swallowing, she looked at Nalen in wonder. “This is delicious!”

Nalen had been watching her expectantly, apparently waiting to see her reaction. He smiled jubilantly. “Really?”

“Absolutely the best thing I've ever tasted.” She smiled. “It'sd hard to believe this is the first thing you've made in almost five years.”

“Well, the kitchen is packed with ingredients. It would be hard not to make something well.”

“For you, maybe,” Tilara said.

“I could teach you,” Nalen offered.

She shook her head. “I'm no good at that kind of stuff.”

“You've never tried.”

“I tried sewing, though. All I did was prick my finger about a hundred times and destroy a perfectly decent skirt, remember?”

“It wasn't destroyed,” Nalen argued. “It was a little damaged, that's all. I fixed it back up. I could have shown you how to fix it yourself.”

“And risk ruining it even more? No way.”

Nalen sighed. “You may need those skills later in life. I probably won't always be around to cook for you and mend your clothes.”

It felt like her blood had frozen. Her greatest fear had come back to her. She looked away. “I know,” she whispered. The guilt had returned, as well. She wished that she weren't so helpless. Nalen was right. He wouldn't always be there. Just like Etoni. Just like her parents.

She scolded herself. That's not fair! Nalen and Etoni are nothinglike my parents! They would neverleave me to die. They never hated me for my power.

Thoughts of her sister did not improve her mood. To her horror, she felt tears come to her eyes. She quickly covered her face with her hair, a habit she had picked up years earlier. She was terrible at hiding her emotions. The only way to prevent people from seeing how she was feeling was to hide her face completely.

Unfortunately, Nalen had known her most of her life and knew exactly what she was feeling, whether she wanted him to or not. “Tila,” he said gently. She didn't respond. “Tila,” he said more sternly, “Look at me.”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Look, I'm sorry I upset you. Please look at me,” he begged.

She jerked her head up, straining to see him through tears and hair. “Don't you dare blame yourself for my reaction,” she said. “It's not your fault in any way.” She wiped the tears from her eyes, looking down at her plate. Only the two links of sausage remained. She cut into one, chewing it slowly.

Nalen sighed. He picked up the tray, which was now empty, after the other students in the dining hall had finished what he and Tilara did not. Wordlessly, he carried it into the kitchen.

Tilara dropped her fork, staring at her doll. It was a strange comfort. Its existence was evidence that someone cared about her. She gently placed the doll on the table in front of her.

“What are you doing right now, Etoni?” Tilara whispered. The older girl was probably waking up, preparing to take over the watch from Shaly, who was normally their lookout from eleven o'clock at night until three o'clock in the morning. Endy usually took the early shift, from around eight o'clock at night, or whenever everyone went to sleep, until eleven o'clock.

She smiled, picturing her older sister slipping quietly off the old mat she usually shared with Tilara and then washing herself in the tiny stream Tilara had persuaded to divert from its usual path and flow into the alley. She would then find Shaly, who was undoubtedly exhausted by this time and grateful to have someone take over.

Immediately, Tilara's guilt worsened. Here she was, in a huge castle, with all kinds of protection, an actual bed, and plenty of food to eat, while the rest of her family was living in fear, wondering when their next meal would be, hoping that today would not be the day that they would be separated, for whatever reason.

She could barely breathe. She jumped up, running from the room. Only one thing could calm her. Only one thing could take away the guilt, if only for a moment.

She tugged on the door to the garden, immediately running over to the center of the garden and letting the door slam shut behind her. She propped her doll against a nearby tree, took a deep breath, and ran toward the fountain. She jumped in, fully clothed.

The water felt invigorating. Tiny beads clung to her skin and clothes. To her, it felt like each droplet was giving her a tiny hug, reassuring her that everything would be alright. She waded to the center of the fountain, permitting the water to pour down on her.

At that moment, nothing in the world mattered to her. All thoughts were pushed from her mind. She no longer worried about Etoni, Endy, or Shaly, the future, the past, or what would happen if someone walked into the garden and saw her standing in the middle of the fountain, giggling like a lunatic.

After a few moments, though, her mind regained control. Sadly, she stepped out of the fountain and on the dry ground again. The droplets reluctantly fell off of her.

She sat down on the stone edge, dipping a hand in the water and looking up at the sky. The sun had not risen and the stars were still out, twinkling brightly at her.

“Tila.” The sound of Nalen's voice made her turn around. He had been standing behind her. “You're wet,” he said simply.

She laughed. She was still exhilarated from being in the water. “I am,” she said.

He sat down next to her. “Do you plan on staying in wet clothes for most of the day?” He smiled.

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

He shook his head. “That's how people get sick. That won't do at all.” A warm breeze swirled around them. Tilara shivered. “Sorry. I guess even a warm breeze is going to feel cold to someone who is soaking wet.”

“It's okay,” she said. “And it was worth it.” The euphoria was wearing off. “You should try it sometime.”

“No, thanks. I prefer to stay dry whenever possible.”

Tilara shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She touched the bottom of her tunic. “You can call off your wind now. I think I'm dry.” She frowned. “Unfortunately.”

“I'm so sorry,” Nalen said, rolling his eyes. “Are you feeling better, at least?”

Tilara nodded. “So much better.” She walked over to the tree, picking up her doll, then returned to her seat by the fountain.

“They're going to be fine, you know,” Nalen said, taking Tilara's free hand and squeezing it gently. “They were find before they found us.”

“Yes, but when they found you, they were much younger, and had many more people with them. But you're right. I know you're right.” Silently, she disagreed. They were getting older. There were reasons that there were plenty of children on the streets and almost no adults. Some of the boys had grown up and decided to join the army, with hopes of one day earning the money to buy a house and start a family. Some of the girls had gone to work for wealthier families as maids, with the same hopes. The majority, though, ended up in prison, either for picking pockets, or for murders they may or may not have committed. While people were generally unwilling to send children away to be locked up indefinitely, they had no such qualms when it came to adults.

“Hi, you two.” Tilara saw Nululesa approach them, followed by Orashi.

“Cute doll,” Orashi said, as she sat next to Tilara. Nululesa knelt on the ground in front of her.

“Thanks,” Tilara said, suddenly feeling very shy. She never knew what to say around new people. “Nalen made her.”

“You made her?” Nululesa asked, pivoting her head to look at Nalen.

He nodded. “He cooks, too,” Tilara said softly, trying to keep the attention on him and not her.

“Really? That's great. Most boys don't want to learn that stuff,” Nululesa said. “May I see her?” she asked, pointing at the doll.

Tilara silently handed the doll over. Nululesa inspected it, turning it over in her hands. She frowned. “What kind of fabric did you use?”

“The shirt and pants I wore here.”

Nululesa nodded. “This is really impressive. But...you said you used the clothes you wore here? When did you have time to do this?”

“Last night,” he said, suddenly appearing as shy as Tilara felt.

“Last night?” Nululesa stared at him in awe. “You mean you did all of this in a few hours?”

“I did skip dinner,” he mumbled.

“Even so! This is amazing! How long have you been making things like this?”

“Dolls? This was the first time. I've only ever mended clothing,” he said.

“But...how?”

Orashi laughed. “Clearly, Lesa, Nalen is talented. Leave him alone. Can't you see you're making him uncomfortable?”

Tilara looked at Nalen, who was trying to hide his blushing face. He had never been comfortable receiving compliments from people he didn't know well.

“I'm so sorry,” Nululesa said. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” She handed the doll back to Tilara. “But really,” she said, “You should be proud. You're almost as good as my mother, and she's obviously been sewing a lot longer.” She smiled. “Are you as good a cook as you are a tailor?”

Nalen's face grew redder. Tilara smiled. “You should ask him to make you breakfast sometime,” she said, feeling a little bit more comfortable around the girls.

“Tila!” Nalen's eyes widened. “Why would you...?”

Orashi giggled. “Lesa, you're still embarrassing him.” She grinned. “Would you like a subject change?”

Nalen nodded. “Please,” he mumbled.

Nululesa frowned. “I hate to be serious all of a sudden, but the last letter I got from my father before I came here made me really worried about the war.”

“Why?” Orashi asked.

“I mean, I'm sure we all know we're here because Ceelath needs elemental warriors to fight against Styenrad, but Papa made it sound like the war was going really badly. Before, he was telling us about how the battles were mainly being fought near the Styenrad border, in disputed territory, but he mentioned in the last letter that they were moving closer to home.”

“I don't like the sound of that,” Nalen said.

“I know,” Nululesa replied. “It made me wonder...why are we here, then? If the war is going that badly, how can we hope to stop it? We're supposed to be here for three years, aren't we?”

“That's what His Majesty said,” Orashi said. “He said we'd be here for at least three years, but the older classes would probably be here for only two.”

“Right. So maybe they can train elemental soldiers in two years. That's still only sixteen elementals, against...well, who knows how many elementals could be on Styenrad's side?”

“We've also got Choderor on our side, though,” Orashi said. “And elementals in Choderor aren't as restricted as we are here.”

“That's true,” Nululesa said, smiling at Orashi. “Of course we have Choderor on our side.”

“It's not as much help as it should be, though.” Everyone turned to look at Rodem, who had entered the garden without anyone's knowledge. “Most elementals in Choderor are refusing to help us, because they disagree with the way our people treat elementals. Their king isn't enforcing any decrees ordering them to help us, either.”

Orashi frowned. “I haven't heard anything about that.”

Rodem shrugged. “I overheard my father talking about it. Apparently, His Majesty was anticipated over a hundred elemental warriors from Choderor, but only around forty actually came.”

“Only forty?” Nululesa repeated.

Rodem nodded. “And then he decided to start the Elemental Academy. Somehow, his advisers got a list of every elemental in the kingdom, and that's how we were summoned to come here. Then they pulled four Choderi elementals out of battle and assigned them here.”

“How many elemental warriors does Styenrad have?” Nalen asked.

“They aren't sure. So far, their existence is just rumored, but the rumors say that there could be hundreds being trained.”

“So...even if our armies can hold them off for the next few years, until we're fully trained, we'll still be hopelessly outnumbered,” Nululesa said.

Rodem nodded. “If the rumors are true.”

Tilara scooted closer to Nalen, hugging her doll tightly. Before, she had been worried about what she and Nalen would do after the war was over. Now, she worried that they would never survive the war at all.