Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon ❯ Chapter 1

Cats on a Wall

 

 

 

 

“Look at the legs on that one, Zanz.”

 

“Mm. Excellent. She's got the strut down pat, look at those hips.”

 

“Simply marvelous. She certainly is classy. ”

 

“For sure. Way out of my league.”

 

“I'd bet you could hook her if you tried.”

 

“Flattering, Felix, but I'm not so certain.”

 

“No really, Zanz, I'm being entirely diplomatic. Sure, you're not the most attractive thing and your sense of humor is…interesting, to say the least, but I think you have a chance. Though I suppose your hygiene is something to be desired…no matter! With a little grooming, you could do quite well, I think.”

 

“Why, thanks Felix. I've never felt my ego soar so high. I think may have just struck a rock, underground.”

 

“Oh come on, Zanzy, have faith!”

 

“Who could possibly have faith after a comment like that? And don't call me that, you cretin.”

 

“Please? For my amuseme_ Ahem, for me?”

 

“Absolutely not.”

 

Two cats sat side by side, their tails swishing back and forth over the crest of a high stone wall. The first one, Felix, was black and white shorthair with copper eyes. The second cat, Zanz, was a rich brown tabby with green eyes. They were both peering down at the fading form of a voluptuous young female cat who was strolling away down on the pavement below.

 

“Your loss.”

 

“Shut up, Felix. Why don't you, if you're so for the idea?”

 

“Oh no, I couldn't. Look, she's already everything but gone. I'm not as athletic as I once was, you know. Besides, I only wish for your happiness, my own is of little importance.”

 

“So you're trying to cover for actually being a conceited bastard? I see.”

 

“You know, Zanz, you're really quite malicious. I'm emotionally delicate, you should be more aware.”

 

“Screw you.”

 

“I'm sure you'd be happy to. This isn't a new development, is it? Been waiting to tell me, hmm? Do I need to watch myself when I sleep or_”

 

But he was abruptly cut off as Zanz took a powerful swipe at his head, nearly knocking him off the wall. Resettling himself, he huffed indignantly and licked a paw to wash his face, arranging every hair meticulously. Zanz scowled.

 

“You're foul, you know that?”

 

“Why, Zanzy, I had no idea you felt that way. I really like you too. You know, I'm glad you've opened up”

 

“Hilarious. Well I have better things to do then chat with a deranged narcissist like yourself.”

 

And with that, Zanz was finished with their conversation. He leapt down from the wall in a single, athletic movement, and began to trot down the street towards the market. Felix gave a whine, but chased after him, looking wistfully over his shoulder as the female cat disappeared down the street. He turned back to Zanz with a pitiful sigh, and emitted an angry hiss.

 

“Wait up, Zanz!”

 

“Get away from me, you hack!”

 

Felix loped after him until they were side by side, and eyed him with a very feline smirk.

 

“Hey.”

 

His companion studiously ignored him and hopped off the curb, crossing an empty road to the street vendor. Felix had to trot to keep up, casting glances at the other cat and letting out an insistent meow.

 

“Zanzy?”

 

Paying no heed to Felix, he continued along with haste, before dropping down in front of the little cart. He could smell the enticing aroma of slowly cooking sausages. Zanz sat comfortable on his haunches, flicked his tail lazily, and turned mournful, pitiable green eyes up towards the vendor. He could almost taste the hot, smoky delights that awaited him.

 

“Beat it, you wretched moggie!” The sausage vendor aimed a sharp kick at him.

 

Zanz jumped back with a rejected glare and spat at the man.

 

“I'm a pure-blood pedigree tabby, thank you very much!” He sneered.

 

The ignorant red-faced man didn't seem to understand, and Zanz walked away dejectedly. He curled up to lick his paw, trying to hide his embarrassment. Felix, however, was not finished. He gave Zanz a sympathetic look, then turned to the vendor nonchalantly, winking coyly at a cute white female sitting across the street. She batted her eyelashes and blushed.

 

“Watch how a real street-savvy cat does it, Zanz.”

 

Zanz grumbled, and Felix stepped up to the vendor, arranged his paws daintily, and turned up a pair of enormous copper kitten-eyes at the man.

 

Apparently street-savvy didn't cover it, for the man pulled out a broom.

 

“I said beat it, you little knaves! Get away from my stand! You'll deter customers!”

 

Neatly dodging the incoming broom, he leapt to the side. However, the enraged sausage vendor wasn't satisfied and Felix didn't have the speed to dodge a second swipe. He received a swift smack to the rear for his efforts. He yowled ferociously, eyeing the white female cat who was laughing softly. With a baleful glare at the man, Felix heaved a sigh, and both cats scurried away; dodging the broom as they went. After a safe distance had been covered, both felines took shelter under a large shrubbery.

 

“So…back to the wall, shall we?”

 

“Fine, fine.”

 

And with that, the duo jogged off to the high stone wall, regaining their perches just in time to see a sleek, young female cat trotting briskly down the way.

 

“Oh ho, look at that one, Zanzy. Today's our lucky day, isn't it!” He crowed joyously, fully intent on chasing after her. Zanz cuffed him on the head.

 

“Christ, Felix, she's still a kitten!”

 

“A devilish one, if I do say so myself. Those smoky eyes. Meeeow.”

 

“Find someone your own age. Like that one, over there. She looks seasoned.”

 

“Heaven help me, I think I might be sick, Zanz! She could be my mother! Maybe that is my mother!” Felix cried indignantly.

 

“As if that would deter you. Vomit to the left side, please. I just groomed my tail.”