Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Machinegun Angel ❯ Abandonment ( Chapter 9 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: plasticlove 
Miscellaneous: Original Stories Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Sci-fi / Romance / Post-apocalyptic / Mecha / Cyberpunk / Action | Type: Shounen-ai | Uploaded On: 11.21.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 215 | Status: Completed
Miscellaneous: Original Stories Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Sci-fi / Romance / Post-apocalyptic / Mecha / Cyberpunk / Action | Type: Shounen-ai | Uploaded On: 11.21.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 215 | Status: Completed
Episode 9 "Abandonment"
It took a while, but Gauge had eventually calmed down enough to allow his mind some sleep. Ophelia knelt over him in vigil, watching his every move and every breath until he cried himself to sleep finally. Her eyes remained wide open, watching him carefully and protectively. She couldn’t begin to understand why Virgo had just abandoned him as he did, knowing what he knew. But then again, her first and final impression of him had been sour and tainted. She hated him with every inch of her heart for what he did to Gauge. There was nothing left for her to do but try to comfort him, and be there for him as much as she could. She curled up by his side and took in the soothing warmth of his body, listening as the rain poured down outside of his window. She could hear the others chatting in the next room.
"There has to be THOUSANDS of dollars here!" Monet spoke quietly, sorting the piles of 100 dollar bills. Daisuke had joined his wife and Koto-san not too long after the incident had occurred. The three of them were around the workbench of a kitchen table in order to sort the mess that had been left behind by Virgo's cruelty. "That awful, awful man... He couldn't just take responsibility and be in his child's life... so he walks away and leaves Gauge with money for an abortion" She bowed her head. "How much more of a coward can you possibly be?"
Koto-san did the same. "I know Gauge, and I know he will not go through with an abortion. He loves children so much; he wouldn't be able to bear it."
"It's a good thing... Gauge is at such a high-risk right now, I would have to say aborting the fetus would be completely out of the question. He could hemorrhage. There is still a chance he may miscarry... but if Gauge carries the baby to full term, there are still major risks he will be taking. This could kill him as well as the baby if he isn't careful." Monet looked out the window, watching the rain pouring down the pane. A flash of lightning illuminated the sky.
Koto-san shook his head. "Gauge is barely a human being himself. He doesn't have the means to care for a baby, let alone the knowledge. I had several children, and in my day, before the new era, it was heard enough. I can't imagine how difficult it would be now, especially in his case."
Daisuke nodded. "And what about the weapon? We seem to be forgetting there IS a bomb inside of him. How will it affect the baby? What about radiation? Are we talking... the risk of, god help the poor thing... it being deformed or worse... mutated??"
"SHHH!!!" Monet slapped her hand over the green-haired boy's mouth to silence him. "DAISUKE we won't even speak of that! The bomb is contained until it is released by Gauge's Neurological systems. There is absolutely no way for it to contaminate the child or his womb. Look at Ophelia! She was in direct contact with the energy, and is fine. Look, we can't do or say anything that would upset him any more right now. The poor guy has already experienced more trauma in the past 3 years than most of us have in our entire lifetime. Let's be gentle on him, and try to help him as much as we can. God forbid he goes running off and we lose contact with him."
Daisuke and Koto-san nodded. "The best thing for him right now is plenty of rest, and a LOT of nutritious food. I wanna see that belly of his growing huge! With lots of love and care... he might just come out of this okay."
Monet looked through the half-opened curtain that led to the front room where Ophelia lay next to Gauge. Ophelia's arms carefully wrapped around him and she began to cry softly.
--
The following day was just as gloomy and as rainy as the previous. Gauge's loft apartment was run-down and quite dreary, with a strong cellar-like musty smell. It was damp and quite cold, causing the newly awoken Ophelia some concern. She had managed to find some clothes in a laundry bag in the corner, and began draping flannel shirts over Gauge one after another. She looked to his arm which was caressing his stuffed cat closely, and she remembered the first time he had introduced her to it…
"This belongs to you... I'm assuming," She said softly, a pink glow falling over her face as she blushed. "I found it on the floor, and I repaired him for you."
Still very weak, Gauge was laying down in the hospital bed. His once tired face lit up the moment he first saw the beloved toy. He reached his weakened hand out to caress him gently. "NEUROMANCER! You saved him! I was so worried I had lost him!"
Ophelia now had a blank expression on her face. "What??"
"His name is Neuromancer. A very special person gave him to me when I was hurt. I named him that because of his mind control powers. He makes me sleep at night, as long as he is by my side and whenever I look at him, I feel better, no matter how sad or how angry I am. He is everything to me. If I was ever separated from Neuromancer, It would break my heart completely."
Those words were so strong in Ophelia's memory, and she could feel some relief watching him caress the small gray cat with his one arm. She pulled the covers up over it, and to his neck to keep him warm, and decided to look around for something to make him for breakfast.
The kitchen was very small, but functional. There was an old iron wood stove, with a rusted black pipe that reached up the wall to allow smoke to flow outside. The sink was a deep concrete basin with two wells, and old rusty pipes. She wondered if the water was even clean enough to use. A tin pail over the faucet that caught dripping water told her it was safe, as it was full of clean water, more than likely from Koto-san's reserve well he paid for. There were a few tall metal cabinets where Gauge kept a few dishes and some pest traps. She discovered the traps weren't serving their purpose as a few roaches made their way out and back into the shadows. The narrow pantry was completely bare, aside from one canister of oatmeal, a couple of onions and a small wood barrel full of rotting potatoes. A loaf of hard spice bread sat on a makeshift wooden shelf, collecting dust and cobwebs.
This was indeed no cuisine for someone eating for two! While Gauge slept, Ophelia took some of the money Virgo had left, which was now sitting on the workbench counter, and decided to take a trip down to the marketplace. She knew taking money from him was wrong, but this was a special case. The money was being used for the baby, but in a different way.
The Slums market was large, and full of vendors. The food wasn't exactly RUBICON quality, but was still decent. She retrieved meat items as well as some sweet and some spicy bread, and placed them in the metal wheeled cart Koto-san had so kindly let her use. She bought some fresh potatoes and yams for cheap, and some more expensive vegetables like carrots and celery. She was even lucky enough to find a bushel of pears. They were very expensive, but she knew he would like them. A sack of peanuts and some spices, some flour, eggs, cornmeal and some sugar filled her cart, as well as a bottle of fresh cold milk and a good hunk of cheese. A sweet potato pie completed her shopping and she decided it was time to head home to her patient to cook for him.
When she returned, Ophelia could see by the smoke that Koto-san had managed to start a fire in the stove to heat and hopefully take away the dampness in the loft. She was surprised to see Gauge had still not awakened, but was glad to see him getting the much needed rest. Koto-san helped her unpack the groceries and put the cold items in the freeze box.
It wasn't until noon that Gauge finally came to. His ruby eyes drifted open, and an unfamiliar, yet pleasant warmth caressed his body. He could see it was pouring rain outside, but usually on days like this, the apartment was very cold and wet. Then, there were the smells.
A delicious aroma filled the air. It was something beautiful that he could only dream about until now. He looked around, still caressing Neuromancer, and heard voices, as well as a radio playing from his kitchen. There were pigeons on the windowsill eating what looked like pieces of that old loaf of spice bread that had been sitting in his pantry for months. Still, the memories of the following night were fresh in his mind, and the sadness soon came rushing back to him all at once. His hand touched his midriff and he sighed sadly, strands of gray hair falling into his eyes.
Ophelia emerged from behind the curtain, exited to see that Gauge was now awake. Gauge looked up at her, but only for a second. "Aww, you're awake. Are you warm enough? Is there anything I can get for you? I'm making you dinner... roast chicken with potatoes, onions, carrots, gravy and sweet bread. There is also sweet potato pie for dessert! Oh, and I forgot... I made my special homemade tea! It will be ready in just a few minutes. No need to get up! I will bring you your meal here so that you can get your rest."
Gauge's eyes were huge as he stared at her. They were full of wonder and questions, but yet he did not speak. He knew she had stayed there all night by his side, holding him, and keeping him and his unborn child warm. He just didn't know why. Gauge felt so worthless after last night... like a slut. Knowing what she knew about him prostituting himself to the old foreman, why would she want to do something like this for him? Or even talk to him for that matter. He turned his head away in shame.
As Ophelia turned back for the kitchen, Koto-san entered the room and approached Gauge's bed. He used his cane to kneel down in a traditional manor, and he placed his hand on his bodyguard's shoulder. Gauge remained quiet.
"I know you are feeling shame, guilt and probably much confusion right now. But you should know that we are here for you, no matter what happens. Gauge-san, in that kitchen is a woman who cares deeply for you. She is a friend unlike any other. We don't care what mistakes you have made as long as you learn by them. True friends will always be there for you, and forgive you anything, as long as you can learn to forgive yourself."
Gauge looked to the old man with tears in his eyes. "Koto-san, I've hurt so many people... I've caused pain and suffering, and put fear in the hearts of millions I don't even know... just by being what I am. Sometimes I feel as if... this world would be spared if I were to disappear... to die. I don't want to cause any more people suffering... ESPECIALLY my friends."
Koto-san wiped his tear away and handed him a handkerchief from his pocket. "You don't know what lies ahead for you, so you cannot say such things. Death is not the answer, Gauge-san. Like it or not, you have a child growing inside of you. Whether or not you chose to keep that child is up to you, but you mustn’t give up now. You are loved, Gauge, and don't you forget that."
Gauge looked back at Koto-san then placed his head in his hand sadly. The old man reached out a hand and gently touched Gauge's shoulder to give him comfort. Unfortunately, it did his young friend no good
Ophelia emerged from the kitchen carrying a large folding tray. She wore an apron and her long, wavy black hair in a ponytail atop her head. No matter how hard Gauge tried not to look up, his senses could not resist the overwhelming aroma of Ophelia's cooking. "Dinner's ready!" She smiled sweetly and walked over to the mattress where he sat, his back now propped up on the pillows where his head once lay. He looked up and watched her kneel down, placing the tray over his lap on the bed. "I also washed some of your clothes... they're almost dry... I hung them in the back room"
His ruby eyes widened, examining the tray in front of him. There was a plate of steaming hot food... a huge leg of chicken and homemade mashed potatoes smothered in rich, creamy gravy, buttered sweet bread with cheese on the side, roasted carrots and onions for vegetables. A small cup of tea was placed on the side of the tray, along with a tall tin cup filled with cold frosty milk. On the other side of the plate was a big slice of sweet potato pie. Gauge almost couldn’t believe his eyes. This was almost as perfect as the meals Virgo had prepared for him in the past. His tummy growled loudly and he couldn't resist.
Koto-san and Ophelia waited only a few minutes before Gauge started to eat. Ophelia knelt in to help him, watching as he struggled to cut the meat with his one arm. She held the chicken with his fork, and allowed him to cut the meat with great ease. He realized that her helping him was something that he could get used to, but at the same time, his feelings frightened him.
"It's okay... you don't have to help me," He mumbled, and continued eating. "Aren't you going to eat, Nursey?"
Ophelia backed away a bit. Her feelings had been hurt, but she remained chipper for Gauge's sake. "Oh, I nibbled when I was preparing it. I made this for you... you're eating for two now, and you need all the strength you can get."
She paused for a moment, watching him continue to devour his meal. "Gauge... are you ok?" She asked quietly, staring at the floor.
Gauge placed his fork down and became quiet.
"I'm so sorry about what happened... between you and Virgo. Maybe... I could go and talk to him for you... and try to straighten things out."
Koto-san made his exit to allow the two to talk in private.
Gauge looked at her from the corner of his eye, and flashed her a look of anger."I don't want to talk to him. I don't want anything to do with him anymore. It's over and done with, and I don't want to talk about it."
Ophelia flashed him the same look. "But why? You at least deserve an explanation... you're carrying his child!"
"Why do you insist on being so god dammed NOSY all the time?!"
His words hit her hard, and she gasped. Gauge's teeth were bared and she could see she had upset him. Her only instinct was to give him hell right back.
"Because YOU’RE too stubborn and pathetic to do it yourself! You’re mad because you know I'm right" She stood up and folded her arms in disgust. "You know, ever since I met you, you've done nothing but walk around feeling sorry for yourself! Not once have you stopped to consider anyone else’s feelings around you. I thought deep down inside I would find a kind hearted man given time, but no. All I’ve seen is you sitting there, brooding over things in the past that you cannot change! It makes me so upset to think you're just going to give up because you can't catch a break! Well guess what? Heartbreak, death, sorrow, loss... they’re all part of being human! You've only been alive for a few years... Imagine what some of us who have been alive for decades have experienced!"
Gauge covered his face to hide the tears forming in his eyes
"I'm sorry you didn't ask to be born... Guess what? Neither did I! Neither did Mr. Koto, or Virgo, or anybody else on this planet! I realize you're afraid, but you can't just give up because of it! I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands..." She leaned up against the wall and began to cry.
Gauge pushed the tray over onto the floor angrily, and threw the covers to the side. He jumped up from the bed, and walked over to the bathroom, going inside and slamming the door shut. Ophelia could hear the latch hook on the door swing back and forth after he had pushed it shut so hard. Her aqua blue eyes finally looked up to see the mess that he had made on the floor next to the beaten old mattress where he once lay. Her throat swelled with sorrow, and she fell to her knees in an attempt to clean it up. No matter how hard Ophelia fought it, she burst into tears, and collapsed to the bed.
"Why won’t you understand how much I love you??" She cried under her breath, and heard the sound of pipes rumbling beneath her. Gauge had turned the faucet to the bathtub on.
--Gauge stared at himself in the cracked bathroom mirror, listening to the faucet pump heated water into the large rusted claw foot tub behind him. He quickly wiped a tear away, and then grasped the edge of the broken porcelain sink. As much as he didn't want to believe it, Ophelia was right. Ophelia was the first person since his beloved Ellie that had the guts to tell him he needed to get over himself and move on. His eyes widened, feeling a stinging in his chest. It was unlike any physical pain he had ever experienced... This was the feeling of a heart breaking. Up until now, he had been too blind to realize how much he really cared for the raven-haired nurse that had saved his life.
He remembered first meeting her, and touching her. It was funny how she grabbed him and threatened to take his other arm off. He remembered seeing her in the alley, and trying to save her from the gang... then her turning around and rescuing him instead. His heart melted, remembering when he awoke to see her face at the hospital, knowing she had risked everything, including her marriage, to save a clone from dying. Then, he recalled saving her from Dublin that night, fighting him after he witnessed her husband attacking her all because of him. He had gotten himself hurt just to save her...
Gauge slipped out of his clothes and turned off the faucet. He allowed his scarred but toned body to relax as he got into the tub, and submerged himself up to his shoulders in the deep steaming water. The memories were still flooding back to him. He remembered sitting on the smokestack tower with her, and telling her of his past. Few people knew about what had happened to him, and he had trusted her enough to let her know. Then, there was the escape from the hospital. The way Ophelia begged him not to leave in the alley, and then, chasing after him to make sure he was okay, despite the chance of dying. Then he thought about how she had chased after him when he ran off bleeding last night. He thought of her friends and how they had helped him more than once, and how she so kindly poured her heart out to him, and he was just too blinded by his inability to forgive himself for what happened to Ellie, that he just couldn't see this beautiful young woman loved him more than he could ever know.
... And that he loved her too.
He lay there only for a second before he broke down into tears.
--
Ophelia had gone downstairs to Koto-san's shop to keep her mind off the fight she and Gauge had. Koto-san explained to her that it was best to just leave Gauge to himself when he was upset. He had taken off shortly after his bath anyways to go somewhere and be alone. Koto-san explained to her that he was more than likely sitting up on the RUBICON sign on the roof of a nearby building-- one of his favorite spots to go and think. Ophelia played with a strange object that had a huge horn on top of it.
"Mr. Koto, what is this?" She asked quietly, picking up the needle, and placing it back down on the surface of the large turntable that was the base.
The old man, who had been sweeping, walked over to where she was and examined the object. "Ahhh," he smiled. "That would be a phonograph-- a later model. In the past era, folks would use these to listen to music. Not the industrialized electronic music you hear in the RUBICON-owned clubs today though... But real music... played with real instruments. Here, let me show you." he explained. Ophelia watched as Koto-san reached into an old box nearby and removed a large disc. He placed it on the turntable and wound the crank. As he placed the needle down on the record, Ophelia could hear a beautiful melody coming from the horn. Her eyes closed and she sighed deeply.
"It's so beautiful. I wonder... if Gauge has ever heard this kind of music"
The old man nodded. "This is his machine... It is his favorite to sit here and listen to it when he is sad, or feels alone... or if he just needs something to do. This is the only record I own though. I only wish I had more for him to listen to." He looked over to Ophelia, who was hanging her head low.
"I know what you are feeling right now. It is love, isn't it, Miss. Ophelia?"
She looked up, but not directly at him. "It may not be 'love' in the sense of romance... but what I feel for Gauge is indeed something powerful. Like... he is my soul mate... my best friend. I once thought I was in love with him, but I think my love for him is even stronger than that. I don't know what I would do if he decided he never wanted to talk to me again after what I said to him today"
Koto-san sat down on top of a trunk and lit a nearby candle.
Suddenly, the record player skipped and shut off as a loud roar could be heard from the alley behind the shop. Ophelia's eyes widened, recognizing the sound immediately as Gauge's motorcycle. She jumped up from her seat, nearly tripping over the box in front of her and made her way towards the back door. The old man slowly followed her, watching her pull the door open.
"GAUGE?!" By the time she had reached the door, he was gone.
Ophelia ran upstairs to the loft as fast as she could, knowing Gauge wouldn't be stupid enough to take off on a 'joyride' in his current state. Something was wrong. Her eyes searched the loft, and saw her worst fears had been realized. His clothes, Neuromancer and his bag were gone. He had taken some of the food as well, including the bottle of milk. She ran to the bathroom, which was the last place she had seen him run to, and threw open the door.
All of his bath items including soap and shampoo were all gone. On the torn up rug, was a piece of paper. Ophelia covered her mouth when she kneeled down to pick it up, realizing it was a note.
It was horribly written, but still legible.
Ophelia and Koto-san,
I've left, and I will not be back. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you, and I know you will be better off without me. Please don't try to follow me, because you won’t find me. I need to be alone because I can't risk hurting anyone again.
-Gauge.
"He ran away..." Ophelia cried.
--
Ophelia wasn't about to accept this. She made her way back downstairs and threw on a jacket. Koto-san followed her, watching her run to the door. "Where are you going? He is on a motorcycle! You aren't going to be able to catch up with him... not unless he went into the sewers..." He explained to her.
Ophelia took off out the door into the rain. "He made a promise to me, and I'm not going to let him break it! I'm GOING to find him if it kills me!" She gritted her teeth. "Where is the nearest entrance to the underground?"
Koto-san pointed to the left. "Down that way, turn left and you will find a stairwell. Please Miss. Ophelia, there are mutants down there! And toxic waste..."
She took off running "THAT'S A RISK I'M WILLING TO TAKE!"
She soon disappeared out of the old man's sight.
Ophelia ran through puddles, noticing she was right about him entering the underground to escape the city. She could see bike tracks in the slush going down the stairs. She lit the lantern she had taken from Koto-san's shop and made her way down the steps into the tunnel, grasping the old warped railing.
When she reached the bottom of the deep stairwell, her lantern was the only light around. She could hear dripping and the sound of rats and mutant insects all around her in the huge tunnel. It was hard to believe at one time this had been a place bustling with people that rode the underground trains. Now, it was a silent grave for millions who had tried to escape the nuclear holocaust by pointlessly hiding there. She decided this was not a time for sightseeing, and followed the tunnel. The tracks were waterlogged from the rain that had melted the snow, and her feet were now submerged in a foot of filthy water and sewage. She walked for a mile until she stumbled on a broken tie and fell face first into the dirty runoff. Her lantern went out.
When Ophelia picked herself back up and managed to get her soaking wet hair out of her face, she realized it wasn't completely dark. Off to her left, just ahead was a dim light that looked like the tunnel may lead to an opening. Even more to her amazement, she could hear the sound of an engine rumbling. "GAUGE?!" she called out. With no answer, Ophelia picked herself up and climbed back onto the platform. She took the tunnel and followed the light, all the while calling out for him.
Her hand reached up to cover her eyes when she finally reached the end of the round pipe tunnel. To her amazement, Gauge was standing there, atop his motorcycle, staring onward at the dreary city skyline before him.
"GAUGE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" she yelled out to him. Gauge couldn't believe his ears. Had she really followed him when he had specifically told her not to?
Ophelia approached him. "So you think running away is gonna solve all your problems?" She growled at him
Gauge stepped off the bike and turned to her angrily. "Stop speaking like you know what you're talking about!" He howled at her. "I set you free... I got you away from Dublin, now go and live your life like you've always wanted. I'm not going to take that freedom away from you by involving you in my mess of a life."
She punched him in the shoulder unexpectedly. "Gauge, I know you’re hurting... I know you’re upset, and I know you’re a weapon! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! How could you make promises to me that you never intended on keeping? HOW COULD YOU JUST ABANDON ME?!" Ophelia was now crying. She fell into him and cried on his jacket.
Gauge's face softened as he felt her warmth on his chest. "Ophelia... I never made any promises... I never said I would stay forever. I'm not doing this because I don't like you, I’m doing it because I..."
He stopped. Ophelia shook her head "You heartless bastard... Take me with you then! I want to go with you!"
He placed his arm around her gently and forced her to look into his eyes.
"Regardless of anything... I'm a criminal. I can't involve you... please try to understand."
She felt his hand move away, and he turned his back on her.
"...more than you'll ever know" he whispered under his breath, and climbed back on the bike.
Ophelia couldn't say anything. She could only watch as he took off down the embankment, and headed out into the rain.
She collapsed to her knees and cried.
It took a while, but Gauge had eventually calmed down enough to allow his mind some sleep. Ophelia knelt over him in vigil, watching his every move and every breath until he cried himself to sleep finally. Her eyes remained wide open, watching him carefully and protectively. She couldn’t begin to understand why Virgo had just abandoned him as he did, knowing what he knew. But then again, her first and final impression of him had been sour and tainted. She hated him with every inch of her heart for what he did to Gauge. There was nothing left for her to do but try to comfort him, and be there for him as much as she could. She curled up by his side and took in the soothing warmth of his body, listening as the rain poured down outside of his window. She could hear the others chatting in the next room.
"There has to be THOUSANDS of dollars here!" Monet spoke quietly, sorting the piles of 100 dollar bills. Daisuke had joined his wife and Koto-san not too long after the incident had occurred. The three of them were around the workbench of a kitchen table in order to sort the mess that had been left behind by Virgo's cruelty. "That awful, awful man... He couldn't just take responsibility and be in his child's life... so he walks away and leaves Gauge with money for an abortion" She bowed her head. "How much more of a coward can you possibly be?"
Koto-san did the same. "I know Gauge, and I know he will not go through with an abortion. He loves children so much; he wouldn't be able to bear it."
"It's a good thing... Gauge is at such a high-risk right now, I would have to say aborting the fetus would be completely out of the question. He could hemorrhage. There is still a chance he may miscarry... but if Gauge carries the baby to full term, there are still major risks he will be taking. This could kill him as well as the baby if he isn't careful." Monet looked out the window, watching the rain pouring down the pane. A flash of lightning illuminated the sky.
Koto-san shook his head. "Gauge is barely a human being himself. He doesn't have the means to care for a baby, let alone the knowledge. I had several children, and in my day, before the new era, it was heard enough. I can't imagine how difficult it would be now, especially in his case."
Daisuke nodded. "And what about the weapon? We seem to be forgetting there IS a bomb inside of him. How will it affect the baby? What about radiation? Are we talking... the risk of, god help the poor thing... it being deformed or worse... mutated??"
"SHHH!!!" Monet slapped her hand over the green-haired boy's mouth to silence him. "DAISUKE we won't even speak of that! The bomb is contained until it is released by Gauge's Neurological systems. There is absolutely no way for it to contaminate the child or his womb. Look at Ophelia! She was in direct contact with the energy, and is fine. Look, we can't do or say anything that would upset him any more right now. The poor guy has already experienced more trauma in the past 3 years than most of us have in our entire lifetime. Let's be gentle on him, and try to help him as much as we can. God forbid he goes running off and we lose contact with him."
Daisuke and Koto-san nodded. "The best thing for him right now is plenty of rest, and a LOT of nutritious food. I wanna see that belly of his growing huge! With lots of love and care... he might just come out of this okay."
Monet looked through the half-opened curtain that led to the front room where Ophelia lay next to Gauge. Ophelia's arms carefully wrapped around him and she began to cry softly.
--
The following day was just as gloomy and as rainy as the previous. Gauge's loft apartment was run-down and quite dreary, with a strong cellar-like musty smell. It was damp and quite cold, causing the newly awoken Ophelia some concern. She had managed to find some clothes in a laundry bag in the corner, and began draping flannel shirts over Gauge one after another. She looked to his arm which was caressing his stuffed cat closely, and she remembered the first time he had introduced her to it…
"This belongs to you... I'm assuming," She said softly, a pink glow falling over her face as she blushed. "I found it on the floor, and I repaired him for you."
Still very weak, Gauge was laying down in the hospital bed. His once tired face lit up the moment he first saw the beloved toy. He reached his weakened hand out to caress him gently. "NEUROMANCER! You saved him! I was so worried I had lost him!"
Ophelia now had a blank expression on her face. "What??"
"His name is Neuromancer. A very special person gave him to me when I was hurt. I named him that because of his mind control powers. He makes me sleep at night, as long as he is by my side and whenever I look at him, I feel better, no matter how sad or how angry I am. He is everything to me. If I was ever separated from Neuromancer, It would break my heart completely."
Those words were so strong in Ophelia's memory, and she could feel some relief watching him caress the small gray cat with his one arm. She pulled the covers up over it, and to his neck to keep him warm, and decided to look around for something to make him for breakfast.
The kitchen was very small, but functional. There was an old iron wood stove, with a rusted black pipe that reached up the wall to allow smoke to flow outside. The sink was a deep concrete basin with two wells, and old rusty pipes. She wondered if the water was even clean enough to use. A tin pail over the faucet that caught dripping water told her it was safe, as it was full of clean water, more than likely from Koto-san's reserve well he paid for. There were a few tall metal cabinets where Gauge kept a few dishes and some pest traps. She discovered the traps weren't serving their purpose as a few roaches made their way out and back into the shadows. The narrow pantry was completely bare, aside from one canister of oatmeal, a couple of onions and a small wood barrel full of rotting potatoes. A loaf of hard spice bread sat on a makeshift wooden shelf, collecting dust and cobwebs.
This was indeed no cuisine for someone eating for two! While Gauge slept, Ophelia took some of the money Virgo had left, which was now sitting on the workbench counter, and decided to take a trip down to the marketplace. She knew taking money from him was wrong, but this was a special case. The money was being used for the baby, but in a different way.
The Slums market was large, and full of vendors. The food wasn't exactly RUBICON quality, but was still decent. She retrieved meat items as well as some sweet and some spicy bread, and placed them in the metal wheeled cart Koto-san had so kindly let her use. She bought some fresh potatoes and yams for cheap, and some more expensive vegetables like carrots and celery. She was even lucky enough to find a bushel of pears. They were very expensive, but she knew he would like them. A sack of peanuts and some spices, some flour, eggs, cornmeal and some sugar filled her cart, as well as a bottle of fresh cold milk and a good hunk of cheese. A sweet potato pie completed her shopping and she decided it was time to head home to her patient to cook for him.
When she returned, Ophelia could see by the smoke that Koto-san had managed to start a fire in the stove to heat and hopefully take away the dampness in the loft. She was surprised to see Gauge had still not awakened, but was glad to see him getting the much needed rest. Koto-san helped her unpack the groceries and put the cold items in the freeze box.
It wasn't until noon that Gauge finally came to. His ruby eyes drifted open, and an unfamiliar, yet pleasant warmth caressed his body. He could see it was pouring rain outside, but usually on days like this, the apartment was very cold and wet. Then, there were the smells.
A delicious aroma filled the air. It was something beautiful that he could only dream about until now. He looked around, still caressing Neuromancer, and heard voices, as well as a radio playing from his kitchen. There were pigeons on the windowsill eating what looked like pieces of that old loaf of spice bread that had been sitting in his pantry for months. Still, the memories of the following night were fresh in his mind, and the sadness soon came rushing back to him all at once. His hand touched his midriff and he sighed sadly, strands of gray hair falling into his eyes.
Ophelia emerged from behind the curtain, exited to see that Gauge was now awake. Gauge looked up at her, but only for a second. "Aww, you're awake. Are you warm enough? Is there anything I can get for you? I'm making you dinner... roast chicken with potatoes, onions, carrots, gravy and sweet bread. There is also sweet potato pie for dessert! Oh, and I forgot... I made my special homemade tea! It will be ready in just a few minutes. No need to get up! I will bring you your meal here so that you can get your rest."
Gauge's eyes were huge as he stared at her. They were full of wonder and questions, but yet he did not speak. He knew she had stayed there all night by his side, holding him, and keeping him and his unborn child warm. He just didn't know why. Gauge felt so worthless after last night... like a slut. Knowing what she knew about him prostituting himself to the old foreman, why would she want to do something like this for him? Or even talk to him for that matter. He turned his head away in shame.
As Ophelia turned back for the kitchen, Koto-san entered the room and approached Gauge's bed. He used his cane to kneel down in a traditional manor, and he placed his hand on his bodyguard's shoulder. Gauge remained quiet.
"I know you are feeling shame, guilt and probably much confusion right now. But you should know that we are here for you, no matter what happens. Gauge-san, in that kitchen is a woman who cares deeply for you. She is a friend unlike any other. We don't care what mistakes you have made as long as you learn by them. True friends will always be there for you, and forgive you anything, as long as you can learn to forgive yourself."
Gauge looked to the old man with tears in his eyes. "Koto-san, I've hurt so many people... I've caused pain and suffering, and put fear in the hearts of millions I don't even know... just by being what I am. Sometimes I feel as if... this world would be spared if I were to disappear... to die. I don't want to cause any more people suffering... ESPECIALLY my friends."
Koto-san wiped his tear away and handed him a handkerchief from his pocket. "You don't know what lies ahead for you, so you cannot say such things. Death is not the answer, Gauge-san. Like it or not, you have a child growing inside of you. Whether or not you chose to keep that child is up to you, but you mustn’t give up now. You are loved, Gauge, and don't you forget that."
Gauge looked back at Koto-san then placed his head in his hand sadly. The old man reached out a hand and gently touched Gauge's shoulder to give him comfort. Unfortunately, it did his young friend no good
Ophelia emerged from the kitchen carrying a large folding tray. She wore an apron and her long, wavy black hair in a ponytail atop her head. No matter how hard Gauge tried not to look up, his senses could not resist the overwhelming aroma of Ophelia's cooking. "Dinner's ready!" She smiled sweetly and walked over to the mattress where he sat, his back now propped up on the pillows where his head once lay. He looked up and watched her kneel down, placing the tray over his lap on the bed. "I also washed some of your clothes... they're almost dry... I hung them in the back room"
His ruby eyes widened, examining the tray in front of him. There was a plate of steaming hot food... a huge leg of chicken and homemade mashed potatoes smothered in rich, creamy gravy, buttered sweet bread with cheese on the side, roasted carrots and onions for vegetables. A small cup of tea was placed on the side of the tray, along with a tall tin cup filled with cold frosty milk. On the other side of the plate was a big slice of sweet potato pie. Gauge almost couldn’t believe his eyes. This was almost as perfect as the meals Virgo had prepared for him in the past. His tummy growled loudly and he couldn't resist.
Koto-san and Ophelia waited only a few minutes before Gauge started to eat. Ophelia knelt in to help him, watching as he struggled to cut the meat with his one arm. She held the chicken with his fork, and allowed him to cut the meat with great ease. He realized that her helping him was something that he could get used to, but at the same time, his feelings frightened him.
"It's okay... you don't have to help me," He mumbled, and continued eating. "Aren't you going to eat, Nursey?"
Ophelia backed away a bit. Her feelings had been hurt, but she remained chipper for Gauge's sake. "Oh, I nibbled when I was preparing it. I made this for you... you're eating for two now, and you need all the strength you can get."
She paused for a moment, watching him continue to devour his meal. "Gauge... are you ok?" She asked quietly, staring at the floor.
Gauge placed his fork down and became quiet.
"I'm so sorry about what happened... between you and Virgo. Maybe... I could go and talk to him for you... and try to straighten things out."
Koto-san made his exit to allow the two to talk in private.
Gauge looked at her from the corner of his eye, and flashed her a look of anger."I don't want to talk to him. I don't want anything to do with him anymore. It's over and done with, and I don't want to talk about it."
Ophelia flashed him the same look. "But why? You at least deserve an explanation... you're carrying his child!"
"Why do you insist on being so god dammed NOSY all the time?!"
His words hit her hard, and she gasped. Gauge's teeth were bared and she could see she had upset him. Her only instinct was to give him hell right back.
"Because YOU’RE too stubborn and pathetic to do it yourself! You’re mad because you know I'm right" She stood up and folded her arms in disgust. "You know, ever since I met you, you've done nothing but walk around feeling sorry for yourself! Not once have you stopped to consider anyone else’s feelings around you. I thought deep down inside I would find a kind hearted man given time, but no. All I’ve seen is you sitting there, brooding over things in the past that you cannot change! It makes me so upset to think you're just going to give up because you can't catch a break! Well guess what? Heartbreak, death, sorrow, loss... they’re all part of being human! You've only been alive for a few years... Imagine what some of us who have been alive for decades have experienced!"
Gauge covered his face to hide the tears forming in his eyes
"I'm sorry you didn't ask to be born... Guess what? Neither did I! Neither did Mr. Koto, or Virgo, or anybody else on this planet! I realize you're afraid, but you can't just give up because of it! I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands..." She leaned up against the wall and began to cry.
Gauge pushed the tray over onto the floor angrily, and threw the covers to the side. He jumped up from the bed, and walked over to the bathroom, going inside and slamming the door shut. Ophelia could hear the latch hook on the door swing back and forth after he had pushed it shut so hard. Her aqua blue eyes finally looked up to see the mess that he had made on the floor next to the beaten old mattress where he once lay. Her throat swelled with sorrow, and she fell to her knees in an attempt to clean it up. No matter how hard Ophelia fought it, she burst into tears, and collapsed to the bed.
"Why won’t you understand how much I love you??" She cried under her breath, and heard the sound of pipes rumbling beneath her. Gauge had turned the faucet to the bathtub on.
--Gauge stared at himself in the cracked bathroom mirror, listening to the faucet pump heated water into the large rusted claw foot tub behind him. He quickly wiped a tear away, and then grasped the edge of the broken porcelain sink. As much as he didn't want to believe it, Ophelia was right. Ophelia was the first person since his beloved Ellie that had the guts to tell him he needed to get over himself and move on. His eyes widened, feeling a stinging in his chest. It was unlike any physical pain he had ever experienced... This was the feeling of a heart breaking. Up until now, he had been too blind to realize how much he really cared for the raven-haired nurse that had saved his life.
He remembered first meeting her, and touching her. It was funny how she grabbed him and threatened to take his other arm off. He remembered seeing her in the alley, and trying to save her from the gang... then her turning around and rescuing him instead. His heart melted, remembering when he awoke to see her face at the hospital, knowing she had risked everything, including her marriage, to save a clone from dying. Then, he recalled saving her from Dublin that night, fighting him after he witnessed her husband attacking her all because of him. He had gotten himself hurt just to save her...
Gauge slipped out of his clothes and turned off the faucet. He allowed his scarred but toned body to relax as he got into the tub, and submerged himself up to his shoulders in the deep steaming water. The memories were still flooding back to him. He remembered sitting on the smokestack tower with her, and telling her of his past. Few people knew about what had happened to him, and he had trusted her enough to let her know. Then, there was the escape from the hospital. The way Ophelia begged him not to leave in the alley, and then, chasing after him to make sure he was okay, despite the chance of dying. Then he thought about how she had chased after him when he ran off bleeding last night. He thought of her friends and how they had helped him more than once, and how she so kindly poured her heart out to him, and he was just too blinded by his inability to forgive himself for what happened to Ellie, that he just couldn't see this beautiful young woman loved him more than he could ever know.
... And that he loved her too.
He lay there only for a second before he broke down into tears.
--
Ophelia had gone downstairs to Koto-san's shop to keep her mind off the fight she and Gauge had. Koto-san explained to her that it was best to just leave Gauge to himself when he was upset. He had taken off shortly after his bath anyways to go somewhere and be alone. Koto-san explained to her that he was more than likely sitting up on the RUBICON sign on the roof of a nearby building-- one of his favorite spots to go and think. Ophelia played with a strange object that had a huge horn on top of it.
"Mr. Koto, what is this?" She asked quietly, picking up the needle, and placing it back down on the surface of the large turntable that was the base.
The old man, who had been sweeping, walked over to where she was and examined the object. "Ahhh," he smiled. "That would be a phonograph-- a later model. In the past era, folks would use these to listen to music. Not the industrialized electronic music you hear in the RUBICON-owned clubs today though... But real music... played with real instruments. Here, let me show you." he explained. Ophelia watched as Koto-san reached into an old box nearby and removed a large disc. He placed it on the turntable and wound the crank. As he placed the needle down on the record, Ophelia could hear a beautiful melody coming from the horn. Her eyes closed and she sighed deeply.
"It's so beautiful. I wonder... if Gauge has ever heard this kind of music"
The old man nodded. "This is his machine... It is his favorite to sit here and listen to it when he is sad, or feels alone... or if he just needs something to do. This is the only record I own though. I only wish I had more for him to listen to." He looked over to Ophelia, who was hanging her head low.
"I know what you are feeling right now. It is love, isn't it, Miss. Ophelia?"
She looked up, but not directly at him. "It may not be 'love' in the sense of romance... but what I feel for Gauge is indeed something powerful. Like... he is my soul mate... my best friend. I once thought I was in love with him, but I think my love for him is even stronger than that. I don't know what I would do if he decided he never wanted to talk to me again after what I said to him today"
Koto-san sat down on top of a trunk and lit a nearby candle.
Suddenly, the record player skipped and shut off as a loud roar could be heard from the alley behind the shop. Ophelia's eyes widened, recognizing the sound immediately as Gauge's motorcycle. She jumped up from her seat, nearly tripping over the box in front of her and made her way towards the back door. The old man slowly followed her, watching her pull the door open.
"GAUGE?!" By the time she had reached the door, he was gone.
Ophelia ran upstairs to the loft as fast as she could, knowing Gauge wouldn't be stupid enough to take off on a 'joyride' in his current state. Something was wrong. Her eyes searched the loft, and saw her worst fears had been realized. His clothes, Neuromancer and his bag were gone. He had taken some of the food as well, including the bottle of milk. She ran to the bathroom, which was the last place she had seen him run to, and threw open the door.
All of his bath items including soap and shampoo were all gone. On the torn up rug, was a piece of paper. Ophelia covered her mouth when she kneeled down to pick it up, realizing it was a note.
It was horribly written, but still legible.
Ophelia and Koto-san,
I've left, and I will not be back. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you, and I know you will be better off without me. Please don't try to follow me, because you won’t find me. I need to be alone because I can't risk hurting anyone again.
-Gauge.
"He ran away..." Ophelia cried.
--
Ophelia wasn't about to accept this. She made her way back downstairs and threw on a jacket. Koto-san followed her, watching her run to the door. "Where are you going? He is on a motorcycle! You aren't going to be able to catch up with him... not unless he went into the sewers..." He explained to her.
Ophelia took off out the door into the rain. "He made a promise to me, and I'm not going to let him break it! I'm GOING to find him if it kills me!" She gritted her teeth. "Where is the nearest entrance to the underground?"
Koto-san pointed to the left. "Down that way, turn left and you will find a stairwell. Please Miss. Ophelia, there are mutants down there! And toxic waste..."
She took off running "THAT'S A RISK I'M WILLING TO TAKE!"
She soon disappeared out of the old man's sight.
Ophelia ran through puddles, noticing she was right about him entering the underground to escape the city. She could see bike tracks in the slush going down the stairs. She lit the lantern she had taken from Koto-san's shop and made her way down the steps into the tunnel, grasping the old warped railing.
When she reached the bottom of the deep stairwell, her lantern was the only light around. She could hear dripping and the sound of rats and mutant insects all around her in the huge tunnel. It was hard to believe at one time this had been a place bustling with people that rode the underground trains. Now, it was a silent grave for millions who had tried to escape the nuclear holocaust by pointlessly hiding there. She decided this was not a time for sightseeing, and followed the tunnel. The tracks were waterlogged from the rain that had melted the snow, and her feet were now submerged in a foot of filthy water and sewage. She walked for a mile until she stumbled on a broken tie and fell face first into the dirty runoff. Her lantern went out.
When Ophelia picked herself back up and managed to get her soaking wet hair out of her face, she realized it wasn't completely dark. Off to her left, just ahead was a dim light that looked like the tunnel may lead to an opening. Even more to her amazement, she could hear the sound of an engine rumbling. "GAUGE?!" she called out. With no answer, Ophelia picked herself up and climbed back onto the platform. She took the tunnel and followed the light, all the while calling out for him.
Her hand reached up to cover her eyes when she finally reached the end of the round pipe tunnel. To her amazement, Gauge was standing there, atop his motorcycle, staring onward at the dreary city skyline before him.
"GAUGE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" she yelled out to him. Gauge couldn't believe his ears. Had she really followed him when he had specifically told her not to?
Ophelia approached him. "So you think running away is gonna solve all your problems?" She growled at him
Gauge stepped off the bike and turned to her angrily. "Stop speaking like you know what you're talking about!" He howled at her. "I set you free... I got you away from Dublin, now go and live your life like you've always wanted. I'm not going to take that freedom away from you by involving you in my mess of a life."
She punched him in the shoulder unexpectedly. "Gauge, I know you’re hurting... I know you’re upset, and I know you’re a weapon! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! How could you make promises to me that you never intended on keeping? HOW COULD YOU JUST ABANDON ME?!" Ophelia was now crying. She fell into him and cried on his jacket.
Gauge's face softened as he felt her warmth on his chest. "Ophelia... I never made any promises... I never said I would stay forever. I'm not doing this because I don't like you, I’m doing it because I..."
He stopped. Ophelia shook her head "You heartless bastard... Take me with you then! I want to go with you!"
He placed his arm around her gently and forced her to look into his eyes.
"Regardless of anything... I'm a criminal. I can't involve you... please try to understand."
She felt his hand move away, and he turned his back on her.
"...more than you'll ever know" he whispered under his breath, and climbed back on the bike.
Ophelia couldn't say anything. She could only watch as he took off down the embankment, and headed out into the rain.
She collapsed to her knees and cried.