Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Monologue 4 ❯ Monologue 4 ( Chapter 1 )

This strange feeling inside me. Outside me too. I can never hope to fully explain the emptiness I have flowing through me right now. It is as if I am lacking some vital piece of being, something floating through the air close to my face. If only I could snatch it and take it into myself. The yearning to meld these two great forces, like a hunger no starving man or animal can possess. Although I believe I am more of an animal right now than a man. But once I take in what I need, I will be far more than human. Far greater than this shell of flesh which I continually break away from in the search of redemption.

 

I feel closer to those I can not see. Once the materials are stripped away and there is nothing but the rawest types of energy, winds, and forces, there is a clear pathway to see everything we were once blind to. Into the minds of another? Perhaps you don't really want to know.

 

Is it true? Is it even possible? Even I am not totally sure, even though it seems as if I invented it purely from scratch with the help of these members. These beings like I, yet completely different. Hungry for something different, but when they break it down, it digests the same. It flows through gracefully, as leaves detach from the trees in the fall and flutter down like a dance of change. Never do we really know how it comes back to life. How the juices flow through and regenerate from the core, the original lack of life that we face.

 

Do we have a lack of life? Is that what this is? I can think of so many others whose lives are lacking much more severely than my own, or a number of my fellows. Life for them has become almost unlivable, being completely deprived of what they yearn for, hunger for. It drives them mad inside, but from what I can see, they do not require it to live healthily. To live happily, as I doubt any being ever really will, they need what is being refused to them. I wonder how long they can hold out. I have resisted and lacked for so very long before. Like a baby who has no idea how to acquire food and end the rumbling in his belly. A completely helpless stance that I lived through and overcame. Barley.

 

Anger I have overcome. Irritation and physical exhaustion I am working on. However, I have never mastered control, quite like I have seen others. I lash out randomly, unexpectedly. I can not see things on command. They come to me when they so feel are the right times. I can never block out anything, and I can never keep something in. I am an open book to those who know how to read me. Yet I am completely illiterate at the best of times.

 

My skin feels like paper. There are things I can not touch, and I desire the touch of no one. Dry. I feel like I am parched and need to quench this never ending thirst with the richest of liquids which pour from the earth and seep into the bodies and souls of those whole I disregard and respect. As one, they all have it. It is desirable in every single one of them.