Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ New Perspective: Shorts ❯ Chapter ??? (chapter not completed) ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

How convenient is it to have one person gloomy on a rainy, dark and cloudy weather like today? Not convenient enough for me to actually believe in those sorts of metaphors, but seeing the whole truth ring up in my eyes made me believe so. No, I’m not talking about me being sad and depressed nor was I talking about Landon for that matter, but someone close; yes.
“Listen man, I can’t be your counselor or something. I’m not good at this type of stuff. What all I have to say is keep holding on.” Those rejecting words belonged to Jay. After a four seconds pause, he continued with, “Have you seen your therapist lately?”
See, his voice in this quiet house echoing through out the hallways caught my attention. I did snoop around and ignored him at first, but it was who he was talking with that caught my attention. Here I am, wasting my precious time with my back against his door sitting, my knees huddled against my chest and my inaudible breathing. Life is good, I guess.
“I don’t know.” Jay’s voice replied. “Want me to ask her or something?”
Her? That would be me, right? My butt felt so numb and numb enough to not feel the pain after having the door open and me stumbling on top of Jay’s feet. I jumped up dusting the dust off my back and butt. Staring at me, he hands me the phone with his hand cupping the speaker.
He mouthed the words, “Gee.”
Taking it quickly, I slapped the phone against my ear. “Hey!” I greeted cheerfully. Jay then walked back into his room slamming the door behind him.
“Hi,” He said tiredly.
I waited for him to continue, but replied with no response. “So, what’s up?” I asked.
He coughs to clear his throat. “Do you want to go to the studio with me?” The studio was located near his house and it was no longer than a three minute drive.
“Right now?”
“Yeah.” His reply came quick and hopeful.
“Sure. I’ll meet you there.”
“I’m already here.” Well, that came unexpected.
“Oh. I guess I’ll be seeing you in a few.”
Then, the phone went dead. I took one look to check if the phone had been cut off, but he obviously hung up on me. This wasn’t like him to do this. Talking to him, he didn’t refer to me as ‘girly’ or sound happy at the least.
Turning back around, Jay had been standing at the door with his arms folded. He took one look at my concern face and held up his car keys. “You need them, right?”
I nodded without saying anything in reply. He threw them at me catching them between my two fingers. “Thanks?”
He shrugs. “You better be prepared for what he has in store for you.”
One; that didn’t sound friendly in all cases and two; if it was a surprise, then I probably know what it is already. Leaving the house, I felt too anxious to even think about what was going to happen. Then again, would it be a good surprise?

The heavy pitter-patter of the raindrops falling on the car ceiling helped me calm my nerves. Gee’s car was parked a few parking spots away and it was the only car there. Get it over with, good or bad news, he has something in mind.
I exited the car, locking it before closing the door and ran off into the first doors that lead me halfway to the studio. I shook the moist water out of my hair before pulling it up into a knotted bun. A cold breeze pierced my neck as if I hadn’t breathed in good quality air in years. My steps echoed through the hallway that should lead me to his room when he draws and paints out ideas for his art work and comics. To make things easier, the room he would be in had his name on a plaque next to his door.
‘Gee P’. His name was carved into silver aluminum cut glass and the light appearing from under his door meant that he was there waiting for me. I held my breath while turning the knob and taking my first foot steps in the air conditioned room. He was there sitting in his chair he would usually sit on when he’s working on a piece. Only this time, he held his head between his hands head facing directly at the ground. I wasn’t sure whether he heard me come in or not.
“Gee?” I whispered closing the door shrewdly. He didn’t budge still staying in the same position only rocking back and forth timidly. I shuffled towards him letting my hand reach out to pat him on the shoulder. “Hey,” I whispered placing a hand on his shoulder.
He jumped at the touch making me jump back and gasp. His eyes were crowded with fright and puzzlement dropping his hands from his head and placed his own hand where I touched his shoulder. “Ellen.” He breathed out a relief sigh. “You scared me. I didn’t even hear you come in.”
“Sorry for the ruckus.”
He shakes his head pulling a seat next to him and planted it in front of him. “Don’t worry about it. Sit.” He demanded patting the seat as I took it with no hesitation. His eyes looked swollen and I was pretty sure his perfectly lined jaw looked as if his actual bones were close to ripping underneath his boney cheekbones. “How have you been?” He asks with a hoarse voice and a small smile.
I didn’t even reply. His unhealthy facial features stunned me leave with my eyes wide and my mouth gaped. My eyes focused on his red bruised like bags under his bloodshot hazel eyes giving him a sort of ‘dead’ look. His skin was white as before making me shudder in distraught.
“You don’t look so hot.” I said with uncertainty hinting my voice.
He bites his lip looking down at his trembling hands. I followed his gaze as well watching him attempt to halt the shaky movements in his fingers. Taking in one big breath of oxygen, he held still for a second. A few seconds after, he dropped his head digging his face into his hands.
“What’s wrong?” I asked daintily placing a hand to his shoulder and slowly rubbing my fingers against his soft jaw-line.
He sighed not looking up. “I’m so useless, aren’t I?” It made it hard to actually hear what he comprehended.
“No, you’re not. What makes you say that?” I replied watching him sit up and slump in his chair.
He shrugs lethargically avoiding my eyes and averting them at the easel behind me. He switches his sight back and forth rapidly at the easel and then me. Something was crowding his mind and he didn’t want to spit it out. “It’s just that–“ He paused on his words.
“Just what?” I said.
He gulps biting into his chipped nails nervously. “I feel as if I need you to keep me alive.” The words come out like a slap in the face.
“What?” I chocked out.
He regrettingly closes his eyes in pain of the mentality. His rocking movements began again and held his breath in order to control the shaky breathes gasping out of his throat. “I wanted to tell you this a long time ago, but I didn’t think it would affect me so excruciatingly.”
My throat felt dry and I was speechless. Was he trying to say that he was more than just ‘liking’ me? “Then why do you look like you’ve seen something so death defying?”
His eyes went hard staring at the ground. The rosy pink lips he once had were a pale nude color and he sunk his teeth on his bottom lip. “I just–I can’t really explain.”
Explain? Explain the fact that he looks as if he were to die from some sort of unknown disease at the very moment? I didn’t like the responses I was getting from him and to make it even more difficult, his mind’s too busy to think through his words. Who could blame him, though? It wasn’t his fault for feeling depressed every once in a while.
“Then why did you invite me over here or… told me to come here?”
The easel he glanced at from behind me was a distraction to him. Giving up on getting his attention, I turned my body halfway in my chair to take a glimpse at the easel. It was blank and white. Nothing seemed interesting in my own eyes, but to Gee’s, it looked like heaven.
“I haven’t painted in five weeks.” He finally said. Watching him get up from his chair, stumble wearily over buckets of paint, he picked up the blank canvas and settled it on top of a table next to him. It wasn’t a blank canvas anymore and a picture of the sky with beautiful warm and soft colors coated the whole paper. “This was the last painting I did before I stopped.” He stood still and I watched him watch his painting quietly.
He truly is an amazing artist. “It’s–“
I didn’t have enough time to compliment it. Instead, he picked the canvas up and started ripping the paper in two halves, his hands shaking with greed. He ripped the canvas until he was down to small square sized pieces. I felt devastating to watch it all happen in a blink of an eye. The sound of shredding paper seduced him to do so to another. Fishing out a folder from behind the easel, pieces of his sketch paper fell out from inside and one by one, he ripped it up devouringly. All of the magnificent artwork ruined by the sound of paper tearing apart and his maniac breathes he drew out. Like a cat darting across the grass, he dashed across the room and ripped the rest of the art hanging on his wall into the same pieces of the rest of the deceased art. It was like necrophilia porn to paper.
He yelled angrily tearing everything into pieces, kicking paint buckets over and knocking down some of his glass frames of some old Watchmen comics. His hard-like breathes grew louder and faded into his maniac yells. He dropped to his knees and fished for more of artwork from his portfolios. As soon as I saw the portrait of me and Landon in his hands, I jumped behind him and threw my arms around his neck.
“Stop! Stop it now!” I commanded in his ear.
Like a robot, he dropped the paper and let his head hang low as if dead. I released my grasp and stood up from behind him. He stood still in his crouching position and didn’t make any sort of movements. His breathing was still audible.
Whatever happened to the positive and witty Gee that I knew? This maniac personality he had in himself was news to me and I didn’t like it.
Slowly, he rolled onto his back and covered his face with his stained hands. Like the sound of a storm barely rolling in, he sobbed loudly. Anything that was left of him drained out and resulted into this; something I didn’t think he’d behaved as. He was in pain. I probably hadn’t seen it for a while, or never, and I couldn’t take it as a good thing. I feared if I tried to be comforting, he’d rip my arms off or knock me out. So I stood standing with my arms folded and watched him shrivel inside out.
I gulped down worried spit. “Just… what is the matter with you?” I sounded scolding, but I could care less how I sounded. The behavior stunned me.
He dropped his hands from his face but the long strands of his thin black hair fell into his eyes. Now I didn’t know whether he’d be listening or not. His mouth opened as to say something, but he breathed out a tired breathe. Maybe he brought me here just to see him spaz out over his drawings. He could be acting like the eccentric person he is, trying to practice to win some sort of Oscar or something. No… that couldn’t be it. He looked and sounded gravely serious. This is serious.
“I’m…” He started off. Pausing for a few seconds for air, he continued slowly. “I’m suffering.”
“From what, exactly?”
He shrugs. To see him in a now calm and relaxing position on the floor made it less nerve wrecking from thinking what else he could do next.
“I don’t know.” He sighs. His chest moves up and down in a normal flowing pattern which was a good thing. “A disorder maybe?”
My eyes widened. “Maybe or you are?”
Sitting up, he holds one hand across his forehead and rubs his temples. “Uh, I guess so.” He attempted to get to his feet, but fell back landing on his butt. He tries once more, but before falling back, I grasped his sleeved arm and pulled him up. “Thanks.” He murmured. ‘Guilt’ was written across his pale face. I could read it ever so clearly.
“Can you explain to me about this disorder you have?” The word ‘disorder’ made him tremble. “Or if you want, we don’t have to talk about it.”
He struggled to keep his stance balanced. “No. We can talk about it.” He started at his single window in the room and saw some sunlight drown in his dark violet curtain. “Just not in this room in particular.”
So, we left the studio and I drove us back to my house. It was a quiet ride and those three minutes that took to get us to my home seemed forever. Still, he couldn’t control the shakiness of his body and he would squirm in his seat a lot until he felt comfortable. Everything made him jump and his eyes looked petrified and anxious when he tried to look at me. As if I were a monster and the thought made me cringe. Doubting every single negative thought about myself, I needed to be confident and helpful… for him.

“Here,” I held a cold glass of water in his eyes. He jumped back, examining the glass, and carefully took it. Taking a seat next to him, I observed the uncontrollable shaking in his hands. He tried to keep the glass firm, but he ended up spilling some onto his jeans.
He slurps the last of the water and lets out a satisfied sigh. “Thanks.”
Handing me the cup, he placed his hands in his lap and thoughtfully stared out into the square shaped TV in the corner of the room. Did he forget why we came here in the first place?
“So, about the thing we were supposed to talk about.” I finally broke the silence.
He looked back at me with innocent eyes. “Oh… right.” He swallowed his own thick spit and breathed in. “The disorder thing… that I have… it’s–it’s…”
“Making you suffer?” I add.
He nods slowly. “Yeah.” Bringing his legs up, he rested his chest against his knees. His arms wrapped around his legs, I wasn’t sure if he was cold or what. For a while, he finally responds to, “It’s called Generalized Anxiety Disorder.”
I nodded along. “Okay?”
He bites his lips anxiously and rests his forehead against his knee. “I’ve had this ever since I was a teen. It didn’t affect me much, well, up until I met you.”
I sharpened my eyes at the mention. “What do you mean?” I stared at him quizzically, but he didn’t bother looking up. He was silent. The silence felt threatening, as if he was about to pull out a gun and shoot me on my couch. The longer he took to answer, the shorter my patience was wearing thin. “Are you going to tell me or what?” A few more seconds of deathly silence, I stood up ready to make my way into my room. “Fine.”
“Wait, Ellen, please.” He begged.
“That’s what I’ve been doing,” I replied back sourly.
From what I thought had been a simple friendly relationship, it resulted into this; this confused and yet sympathetic confession. If it was fate for us to be together like this, then he could’ve showed me his ‘ill-defying’ side a long time ago. For him to act like this was too sudden. I should’ve been warned from the start. I’m so stupid.
I face my body towards him and watch him sink in his seat. The tears started to come back to him. He took the nearest pillow on the small couch and stuffed his face in it. He sobbed loudly. “I’m so sorry, Elle’.”
I knotted my brows together, confused. “For what?” Frankly, seeing him cry sickened me. Actually, seeing the opposite sex cry made me lose all hope. Whatever happened to the women doing all the crying? Rules changed these days.
“For being too kind. For being my friend and for having to see me like this–it’s repulsive, right?” He whimpered like a scared kid. “From the start, I honestly hoped I didn’t have any feelings for you.”
I swallowed nervous spit. “Why would you hope for that?” Hearing it come from his own mouth sounded crazy. But hearing it come from him and no one else made my heart sink. But he probably doesn’t realize half of what he’s saying anyways so why worry?
“I hoped because I couldn’t end my life over someone who doesn’t like me back. It’s too embarrassing, but too hard to resist.” He rested his cheek to the right of his direction to me. His whole face was a blushing red color, his hazel eyes blood-shot and tired and his face gleamed a despairing expression. It made me feel guilty. “I mean, you don’t like me, right? And I don’t mean the kind of ‘like’ with us being friends and all?”
How should I respond to this without breaking him into pieces? Would it be okay to lie to him and say that I’m totally in love with him or just be honest? It’s just for a while, I hope. After all, as soon as his life seems good then I could stop feeling sorry for him and just… dump him. Landon wouldn’t mind. It’s just for a while, Ellen. You were in love with this guy before. So doing this shouldn’t be at all too hard. …would I be doing this right thing?
I smiled sheepishly. What kind of friend am I? “I do, Gee. I really, really do.”
His sobs suddenly stopped and he wore this stunned, wide-eyed expression. “Seriously?”
C’mon, Ellen, it wouldn’t be too late to be frank about it.
I sighed, but hoped he didn’t notice. “Dead serious.” I took small steps towards him and he sat up the closer I got. “I don’t think there’s no need to end your life right now. There are people who want you on this cruel world. People like me and Jay and your family.” Taking a seat next to him, I moved closer until our bodies touched from side to side. “So stop crying. I think you should smile as of right now because you already make someone’s day with those chompers.”
A huge grin took place over his pale face. I smiled warmly taking in this good aura. He moves his body over and practically throws himself onto me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and proceeded to embrace me. The smell of cheap cologne and beer hung around his shoulders and I could feel my spine shake as I took in his scent. Putting that aside, I was glad he wasn’t depressed now. He happily planted small kisses on my cheek and by the time his lips touched the corner of my mouth, I almost felt my body jump back. Staring at each other eye to eye, nose to nose, he finally says, “Thank you… so much.” This saddening glance made the guiltiness drown in my stomach.
I let out foreheads touch. “You’re welcome.” The simplicity of my answer made my heart skip a beat. Why did I do this? I don’t know. But being the people pleaser that I am, I just had to. No person should be unhappy just because they couldn’t get any love from the person they adored in the first place. Me meeting Landon had been this way. I felt sorry for him, I liked him, and he liked me and then bam! We were instant lovers. But I don’t think I should be going through this cycle again. Not with some artsy guy who was kind of a lunatic… in a non-offending way.

The next day…
When I woke up this morning, I didn’t wake up remembering the day before, all the crazy stuff and whatnot. Actually, I didn’t even bother to get up at all throughout the whole entire morning. I woke up around eight and stayed in bed until eleven. Mom was the first to realize my peculiar morning schedule and decided to drop in on me. Being the kind mother, she made sure I wasn’t sick or anything although I felt like I was.
“You sure?”
“Yeah mom. I just… I need to think.”
She merely shrugs. “Alrighty. Just make sure to do your bed and clean your room when you finally decide to get up.” And of course, I’ll leave all those chores on the bottom of my to-do list.
As soon as she leaves, I slip lethargically out of bed and into the bathroom to take a nice long hot shower. Taking showers provided me enough space to think through the days or the futures of these days or the pasts and past regrets. Yesterday, Gee, anxiety disorder, boyfriend, Landon; like some kind of cycle circled my mind the whole time. It didn’t bother to exit my frustrated mind and I was stuck to thinking about it. I’d have to call Landon and explain to him about this whole mumbo-jumbo. He would surely understand… hopefully. As long as we both think of it as helping a good friend through his rough times in life. There was no need to cheat, lie and be such a whore about the situation. It’s not like I’m going to fall in love with this guy. He already has enough problems for himself and it’s too much for me to bear and witness.
The door knocks, and mom’s voice escapes inside the restroom. “Someone’s here for you, Ellen.”
Great. “Okay. I’ll be right out.” Turning off the shower, I hoped out, grabbed a random towel off of the sink, wrapped it around my body and dashed to my closet and drawers. I threw on a plain grey t-shirt, some black sweat pants and rapidly combed my mousy black hair. Taking a quick look of myself in my full-view mirror, I looked like I’d just taken a shower… as if it wasn’t obvious enough already.
My feet collided into the hard carpet upon descending down the stairs. Mom, from a far distance, watched me wearily stumble down the short length stairs. I look up at her and hurriedly flashed a reassuring smile while chasing towards the door. She simply shook her head and continued her way back into the kitchen doing… whatever mothers do best.
I open the door and find Gee standing with a backpack slung over his shoulder, two suitcases and an eager expression painted on his pale white face. Where was he heading to?
To sound as possibly surprised and caring, I say, “Gee, what’s up with the bags?” Yes, I know; not as caring as I thought it sounded in my head.
He grips the handle of one of his suitcases and he swallowed hard spit. “Do you think I can stay over here for a while?” I can clearly see the nervousness shake into the balls of his feet to his knees–trembling and buckling together.
“Why? What happen? Did your parents kick you out?” I asked shooting unaware questions at him.
He somewhat nods and shakes his head at the same time. “They’re making me go back to my therapy sessions again.” He says it with bored experience.
“What’s wrong with therapy sessions? Aren’t they supposed to make you feel better?”
He only shakes his head. Dropping his stuff, he approaches me with arms out and wraps them around my waist pulling me into another sympathetic hug. This time, I hug him back. Thankfully he wasn’t crying for now. The same scent wore on him again today, but he smelled less of liquor and more of hospital medicine. “You’re my only therapist. Not those fake doctors who probably hate their jobs for what they do.”
Taken aback by the sudden compliment, I held back a blush. “Thanks I guess.” Not that I was embarrassed, but I actually did appreciate the little flattering remark. Going back to the idea of him staying here, the compliment wasn’t flattering enough to give him my answer already. “Um, I’m not exactly sure if you can or cannot stay here.” His eyes almost blinked a fountain of tears again. “But you can come inside while I go talk with my mom about it.” Stepping to the side, he slowly gathered his belongings and shuffled into the home. Slamming the door from behind, I ushered him to the nearest couch by taking his bags and settling them alongside of the door–well, just in case he needed it… if you know what I mean. “I’ll be back so just… make yourself at home for now.” He gave a slight nod and wondered his eyes at the pictures frames hanging on our white walls. At that same exact moment, I can hear mom turn on the dryer and washer. Good timing. I literally ran towards the laundry room and mom had just came out. “Mom!” I exclaimed.
She looked up. “Hey.” But instead of saying anything else, I forcefully grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back to the laundry room. She squirmed around at first, but we had already entered the room anyway. “Ellen,” she scowls in a frustrated manner. “What’s wrong with you?”
I quickly pulled a finger to my lips. Although the room was crowded with the noises of both the machines, it was still quiet enough to hear our voices from upstairs.
“Gee’s here–“
“Yeah, I know that. What does he want?”
“Mom,” I whined. “Gee’s here and he wants to stay here.”
Her eyes blinked of bewilderment. “What?”
I leaned on the washer and stared at the floor. “He’s been going on an emotional roller coaster ride and I’ve been helping him through it and stuff.”
She nods understandingly. “That’s good, honey, but what is it that he’s wanting to stay here aside from the emotional stuff he’s going through?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “Something about him going to therapy sessions and him not wanting to them?” She looks at me with an ‘are-you-serious’ look. “Yeah, I know. That’s what I thought.”
She scoffs. “Whatever happened with him and Jay being best friends?” I only shrug. “Well, he can stay here as long as he likes…” I breathed a sigh a relief. “..until he gets better and doesn’t need any more support through his problems.”
I nodded. “Sounds fair enough.” Before continuing on to tell the relieving news to Gee, I halted with mom crashing into my back. “Just act sympathetic to him. Like ‘oh, I’m sorry for what you’re going with’.”
“Alright, alright. Let’s go.” She hurriedly shooed me out of the room and into the kitchen.