Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Slipping on Heart Shards ❯ What Do You Believe Now? ( Chapter 3 )

He stood there and watched as she ran into her bedroom. Tears fell down his cheeks as the pain he had caused her so long ago washed over him completely. He wasn't sure what hurt more - her words, or the fact that he knew she was lying.

 

Collapsing onto the chair next to the computer, he stared at the closed door of her bedroom, listening to her heart wrenching sobs from the other side. Each sob tore at him, reminding him that he was responsible for this. The music continued on, completely forgotten.

 

The sobs changed and he started as the door slammed open and she shot toward the bathroom. He raced after her only to stop in the doorway and watch her wretch up her stomach, tears streaming down her face as she heaved. Crying with her, he sat down behind her and pulled her hair back from her face, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

 

He had never seen her like this. Even when she and her old best friend ended their friendship with a huge fight, he only saw a few tears. Sure, he knew she had lost it after the phone call ended, but this was different. Only her family had ever seen her lose it, and he knew for a fact that she had never lost it like this. The fact that she knew he was seeing this made it all the more clear how much this was hurting her.

 

He never did like how easily she could make him feel an inch tall. None of it was ever intentional, but she lived life with so much emotion and didn't hold back no matter how many times she was hurt. He was hurt once and never took the risk again, so watching her do that had always amazed him. But now, to know that he was the cold one that smashed her heart into pieces...

 

It surprised him she even agreed to let him stay tonight.

 

He continued rubbing circles on her back, remembering the last time he had done this.

 

*

 

He had just gotten off of work and had pulled into the parking lot of his friend's apartment. Jessie's car was there, which made him smile. It had been a long day and there would be nothing better than to spend tonight with her. Walking in, he didn't see her anywhere, just his friend, Josh, sitting on one of the couches.

 

“Hey,” he said, putting his wallet and keys onto the small stand before sitting down and unlacing his work boots.

 

“Ryan, you're going to have one hell of a night,” Josh told him.

 

Looking up as he pulled off one shoe, his face bewildered, he eyed Josh curiously. “What's going on?”

 

“Go look at the liquor.”

 

Not understanding why Josh didn't just tell him, he pulled off the other shoe, shoved his socks inside them, and walked into the kitchen. He saw an empty bottle of American Honey sitting on the counter, and opened the cabinet to find a good four shots missing from the Southern Comfort bottle.

 

“Apparently, Jessie really likes whiskey,” Josh said from the doorway of the kitchen.

 

Now that shocked him. “Jessie drank all this?”

 

Josh just looked at him. “I walked in about a five minutes after she did and the first thing out of her mouth was which bottle she should start with.”

 

Ryan picked up the empty Honey bottle in question and Josh nodded.

 

“She dumped all that was left in her first drink. She would've probably poured the same amount in her second drink, but I stepped in and poured it for her.”

 

“You poured her four shots?” Ryan asked, completely baffled at his girlfriend.

 

Josh shook his head. “Are you crazy? It's the first time she's ever had whiskey. Two for her and two for me, only `cause she flat out refused when I tried to only give her one. I'm just glad we didn't have some Jack, or else that would've been what she started out on.”

 

Ryan shook his head. “Why is she drinking to begin with?”

 

“Kate's coming home tomorrow.” Jessie appeared in the kitchen, walked around Josh and grabbed the Southern Comfort bottle out of his hand before pouring about two shots over ice into her empty cup. She set the bottle back onto the counter before reaching underneath the sink for the soda and topped her drink off.

 

That made complete sense. Her best friend. Well, he would never call their relationship that, but she insisted that if she were to call Kate something, that would be it. In his opinion, Kate never treated her right, pretty much always pinning the blame on Jessie. Sure, she was a good friend most of the time, but whenever Jessie really needed her to be there, Kate turned a blind eye to what Jessie needed most. And with her coming back from Tallahassee for winter break, Jessie would get the brunt of all Kate's problems.

 

He took in a deep breath, attempted to smile, and grabbed Jessie before she walked out of the kitchen. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her long and deep before pulling away. “Hey. So you like whiskey?”

 

She smiled at him while taking a sip from her drink. Her face was flushed from the alcohol and her eyes had started to fuzz a little. She wasn't drunk yet, but she definitely wasn't sober. “It sure does taste a lot better than that God-awful beer you insist on drinking.”

 

He laughed. Tonight was going to be fun.

 

*

 

And it was…until Jessie reacted to the whiskey. It wasn't until she was hunched over the toilet throwing up, much like what she was doing now, that Josh explained to him that she might have some sort of allergy to the alcohol. Apparently, during her first drink, she got a sort of rash on her chest after drinking a few sips of it.

 

They had experimented with different types of whiskey later, just to make sure, and it always came back positive: Jessie was allergic to whiskey. It always amused him to realize that, because it was pretty much the only alcohol she could handle drinking before losing her sense of taste.

 

Her stomach settled down for a moment and she laid her head onto the toilet seat, catching her breath. She breathed slowly and deeply as her eyes closed in relief, tears glittering from her eyelashes. He stopped rubbing circles and moved his hands to massage her shoulders, which proved to be exactly what she needed. She let out a low moan of approval and abruptly relaxed, going completely limp.

 

After he soothed all the muscles through her shoulders, back, and neck, he slowly helped her stand up and move to the sink. There, with her body cradled in his, he helped her stay on her feet as she slowly brushed her teeth, washing away all traces of the bile. After she rinsed her mouth out a few times, he slowly moved back, seeing if she could support herself. She could.

 

She turned and walked out of the bathroom, heading toward the computer to stop the music and turn off the monitor. He watched from the bathroom doorway, noticing how slowly she moved, conserving as much energy as she could. She placed her hands on the desk and leaned down, still breathing slowly and deeply. Knowing she was on the cusp of falling asleep where she stood, he walked up behind her and slowly lifted her into his arms. She settled against him without protest as he carried her to her room, gently laying her on her bed.

 

He adjusted her on the bed, pulling her blanket over her, making sure to leave her feet bare as he knew she preferred. Laying her hair over the pillow off her neck, he bent down and placed a soft kiss to her temple, the exact same kiss on the exact same spot as the first kiss he'd ever given her. Softly smiling at how peaceful she looked, he turned and walked out to the living room, shutting off all the lights and laying on the couch, hoping to fall asleep soon.

 

*

 

He woke up to his phone chiming. Who was texting him this early in the morning? Blindly, he reached out and grabbed the phone off the small table sitting at the side of the couch and flipped it open, reading the text.

 

We're leaving in ten minutes.

 

He was completely confused. Setting the phone down, he rubbed his eyes before looking back at the bright display screen. The text was from Jessie. Realizing that, he focused on the sounds in the apartment and realized Jessie was brushing her teeth in the bathroom. Slowly sitting up, he shoved a hand through his hair before looking at her as she walked out of the bathroom.

 

His thoughts scattered as he took her in. Her hair was damp, telling him she just got out of the shower, and she was wearing small jean shorts with a black t-shirt. He had always loved those particular shorts and for some reason, they just looked that much better on her this morning.

 

“You need to use the bathroom before we go?” she asked, her voice a little husky from sleep, scattering his thoughts again.

 

“What?” he finally managed.

 

She came out of her room, carrying her purse. “Are you going to need to use the bathroom before we go?”

 

He grabbed his phone, trying to get his thoughts together rather than actually seeing the time, but was shocked when the time actually registered. “Jessie…it's five thirty.”

 

“I know,” she replied from the bathroom, busy putting on makeup. “Hence why I figured you'd need to use the bathroom.”

 

He was stumped. Sure, he knew she was more of a morning person than a night owl, but this was ridiculous. What could she possibly have planned for them that required them to be out of the house before sunrise?

 

Ten minutes later, he stood by the door putting on his flip-flops and yawning, feeling very similar to the walking dead. It had taken him quite a bit of time last night after putting her to bed to get comfortable enough on the couch to actually sleep. He barely acknowledged her as she walked through her apartment, turning off the lights and grabbing her purse and keys.

 

She led him out, locking the door behind her and going over to her car, unlocking his side first. He collapsed in the car seat, shut the door, and buckled his seat belt in silence, hoping the drive was long so that he could fall asleep for a little bit.

 

He awoke some time later as she turned off the car. Slowly, barely even able to see where they were, he climbed out of her small car and stretched. He heard her shuffling and turned to see her pulling a blanket out of the back seat before locking and closing her door. He followed her example and waited for her to lead him through the dark.

 

Within seconds, they were standing on a white, sandy beach looking over black water reflecting the moon and stars. He couldn't believe it. She woke him up to come watch the sunrise. That realization immediately snapped his entire body awake and he followed her across the sand. She led him away from the boardwalk to a small indention of sand in the dunes. He guessed she was familiar with this beach at the easiness she had of finding this specific spot. Carefully, she laid the blanket on the sand before taking off her flip flops and using them as weights to keep the corners from lifting up. Again, he followed her example and weighed down the two remaining corners before watching her sit down on one side of the blanket. Looking at her in complete confusion, he sat on the other side, waiting for any type of explanation.

 

They sat there for a few moments in silence, just listening to the waves. He had never been so aware of another person without actually touching them in his life. He could feel the tension on her entire body. She was sitting with her legs crossed, playing with the hem of her shorts for a second. Her breathing was controlled and he knew she was thinking hard about something.

 

“I came out here almost about every night after we broke up,” she said.

 

He sucked in a sharp breath at the mention of that time, but she cut anything he had to say off.

 

“If you want the one small chance you might possibly have, you will listen to this.” Her tone was harsh and short, telling him exactly how much this was still hurting her. “I'm not going to get back into something where you refuse to deal with emotions, where I have to keep everything in check because you can't handle me crying. If you don't want to deal with me as honest and open and emotional as I naturally am, then leave. I refuse to waste my time again.”

 

He stopped cold at her words, remembering the all too many times he had done just that. He had known before walking into their relationship that she thought with her heart and lived with a lot of emotion, and he remembered how many times they had fought because he didn't want to deal with that emotion. So many tears she had cried because he couldn't handle her heart. It was a wonder she had stuck with him through all of that.

 

She took his moments of silence to be his agreement. “The water soothes me here. It kept me grounded because it was so familiar, so reliable. No matter when I came out here, I would always hear the waves and smell the salt.” She closed her eyes and breathed in, a slight smile framing her face. “Sometimes I would come out here with a book, most times with a journal or something to write on. I can't tell you how many short splurges I wrote sitting in this very spot.”

 

That sparked a memory. “You posted them, didn't you?”

 

She opened her eyes, latching onto his, a little curious. “Yeah, I did.”

 

He nodded, looking back out to the sea.

 

“You read them?”

 

He shook his head. “I found them about a month after we broke up. I was curious as to how you were taking it. I read enough of one to realize that I didn't want to know.”

 

They fell into silence at that. He had no idea what to say to her. He could still remember what he had read in that one splurge.

 

I almost wish I'll get killed in a car wreck on the way to school. No pain sounds absolutely wonderful right now. It just hurts so much. I really thought he cared for me as much as I care for him. I really did. I thought he was just grieving and stressed because of Boxer and school. I really didn't think it was because he wanted someone different. Well, I didn't want to believe it. And why should I? Who wants to believe that the person they've fallen in love with has stopped caring-

 

That was all he had read. It had been too much; to read that she hurt so much that she would take death over that mixed in with the reminder of his deceased dog and her love for him pushed him over the edge. It took everything in him not to blow up on someone just to get rid of the emotions bottled inside him at that moment. It was awful.

 

He still couldn't forget it, and now, more than ever, those words haunted him. She had wished for death over dealing with the pain he had cause her. And here he was, asking her to give him her heart again.

 

Her voice pulled him out of him thoughts. “Which one did you read?”

 

He pause for a second, continuing to look at the water. The sky had started to lighten up, the black and midnight blue mixing in with a lighter blue and some purples. “You wanted a car wreck.”

 

He saw her nod out of the corner of his eye. “How far did you read?”

 

He almost cursed. He didn't want to deal it by himself; he sure as hell didn't want to deal with it with her sitting beside him. “Not far,” he replied, hoping she would leave it.

 

She didn't. “How far?”

 

He shifted, stretching his legs out on the blanket. “I don't really remem-”

 

“If you want to continue this conversation, you won't finish that sentence.” He clamped his mouth shut. “If you don't want to talk about it, that's your problem. I don't care. If I'm going to ask a question, I expect an honest answer, not a lie because you don't feel like dealing with it.”

 

He paused, making sure she was done before taking a deep breath. “I only read about a paragraph.”

 

“How far did you get?” Her tone was becoming impatient, and he knew he was treading on thin ice.

 

“You wrote something along the lines of someone not wanting to believe the person they're in love with stopped caring about them.” There, he said it. Hopefully she'll just take that and move on. This was definitely not what he wanted to think about.

 

She sat for a moment without saying anything and he almost thought she was going to leave it, but she didn't. “You still didn't believe I loved you, did you?”

 

And that was why he didn't want to talk about this. He had been a complete ass about that entire thing. “I didn't want to believe you loved me.”

 

“What do you believe now?”

 

He turned to her, looking in her eyes and figuring out the best way to word this thoughts. It took him a second before he figured out what to say. “I was an idiot.”

 

She smiled out at the water. “That you were.”