Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Sweet Nothing ❯ Sweet Nothing ( Chapter 1 )

 

 

Sweet nothing…

 

My eyes flutter lazily and I concentrate on the ceiling hovering over me like a predatory bird of prey. I blink back my sleepy, watery eyes and recollect on my thoughts…nothing. Silence. It's odd to feel as thought I can't do a damn thing at all, not even lift a single finger. I just lay there upon my bed and I just stare ever longingly at the ceiling, maybe hoping that it might say something. Although, I certainly hope my ceiling doesn't talk to me. But, that's beside the point.

There are sounds outside my window. The twitter of little golden finches and the buzzing noise of a large truck going down my suburban dead-end road resonates through the air. Despite the sounds, I remained concentrated on my thoughts. For a shear instant, I revert back to those haunting words stuck in the back of my mind.

“Cassie, I think it would be best for both of us to not see each other anymore…It's only for the best. Let's just be friends.”

My heart skipped almost three beats. The sounds and smells cease to exist and my dull and very plain white ceiling blurs out of focus. I can feel those dreaded water droplets well up in my eyes and my breath hitches in my throat. I don't know what to look at and I don't know whether to move. I feel simply helpless. I am so scared to be alone that I've crumbled into a little heap of misery and nothingness. And for whom do I do this for? I'm crying for a stupid guy that I've only been dating for twenty-four months! He was what my whole world revolved around, and now that that he doesn't want a relationship with me, that world has ended. Most people would just say “move on…” I'd say to them to please try it and see how easy it is. See how easy it is to fall in love and then just stop being in love as soon as someone says “Get over it and move on!”

My eyes become very heavy and I shut them. Pictures of us kissing, us holding, us being together and laughing, us lying together on a summer nights eve gazing at the stars, flashed across the back of my eyelids and leave me drained.

But then, in a quick instant, all the sounds and smells came rushing back to me. I can hear my heart beating in my ears loudly and there is that faint and very appetizing aroma of my mother cooking teriyaki chicken. The mouth watering scent twisted its way into my nostrils.

“Did he love me? Is he thinking about me right now? Was it all worth this?”

I weakly lifted my hand and pressed it against my moist cheek. Perhaps sobbing to myself will lull the pain into my subconscious. Maybe If I count to three and open my eyes, those haunting words will go away until it's time for me to sleep. Then those words will come back and eat at me, drag me down, and deprive me of precious sleep.

Salty tears seeped between my tightly closed lids and streak my pale cheeks, running my mascara down my face as though they were tiger stripes. I fisted my palm and rub those itchy tears away…

“I love him!” I whispered, “But If I love him, I'd let him go…”

I rolled over on my side, into a fetal position, and open my eyes. I stared at the little stuffed tabby-cat and into its little baby blue plastic button eyes. And although it was just a stuffed animal, I felt at peace looking at it. Hot tears still seeped down my face like tree sap. I was reasonably calm, yet I was upset. I felt as though the devil had torn a gaping hole in my chest with a giant fork and had taken my heart. I contained those heart wrenching tears back in my throat so that I might think clearly for a moment before I burst into racking sobs again.

“I love you…” I whimpered.

I pulled my hand from my face and traced the fur on my stuffed cat he'd given me…

“…Please remember me.”

During that crucial moment I obtained a deep-to-the-bone feeling like he was with me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Through my pain I smiled. Why? I don't really know. He showed me things I never knew about myself. Most of all, he showed me what love was. It's a funny thing what love can do to a person. But, I know what love can do to somebody; it can make you dizzy just thinking about it. Love can be happy, it can be glad, and it can also be sad. It can make you float like snowflake fairies, and it can crush you in the ground like dirt.

I pulled the stuffed tabby-cat to my chest and hugged it with all my strength and for a split second, I felt warmth within me. Maybe it was just a tear running down the side of my face, but it felt like a soft dewy kiss.

“I won't ever forget you…I love you.” I whispered to no one in particular. I was probably talking to him, for I still felt as though he was sitting beside me.

“Dinner is ready Cassie, come and get it before it gets cold!” My mother cried loudly from the bottom of the staircase. My train of thought derailed and wrecked as I turned my head to glance towards the door.

Perhaps food will also lull the pain within my spirit. I pulled the fluffy, puffy cat from my breast and gazed at it again. I experienced an enormous feeling of peace with the world. Possibly, it was part of me letting go of him and another part of me dealing and burning, but at the same time, gaining a feeling of harmony to endure life during these rough times. With him, I had felt like I was safe and had a place where I belonged. I think few people can have felt the love I've felt before. When I was younger, I would have expected this duel of the hearts from a break-up to last for an eternity of time. But I know that nothing lasts forever and that nobody and nothing are immortal.

I drearily dragged myself out of bed to dry my blood-shot eyes and then trudged downstairs and gobbled up my food. I'm pretty sure my parents were wondering what on earth had happened, but they didn't say a word. I guess they saw I was upset, but not knowing what it was, they decided against playing `twenty questions'. I allowed myself to gain strength back as I ate in silence. There was a ton of homework I must finish before departing this world for the other world of sleep and dreams.

I think I spent a month trying to sort through my life and get back on my feet. I had old friendships with my girlfriends I desperately needed to rekindle. I really just needed to GET ON with my LIFE!

But this guy I had loved so dearly, little to my knowledge had been going through the same horrid feelings I had been going through. To my utter surprise, he called me up one evening after I had dinner and made small talk. I don't think I'll ever forget what happened the day he told me he wanted to break up with me, but I will say I have forgiven him for what happened. He had told me he had broken up with me because he wanted me to concentrate on school and he thought he was an inadequate boyfriend for me. Inadequate?! I was compelled to tell him that he was enough for me! He made me feel like I needed to be a better person. I didn't want to take granted of life like I used to do.

“I love you Ryan Bumgarner!” I told him when he apologized for putting me through such disarray and torment. It had tortured him for a month trying to go on living without me in his life. But, in the end, he came back for me. I forgave him for the mistakes he'd made without the slightest thoughts, and to this day, I am still dating him. Ryan is as much a part of me as I am a part of him. I have heard people say that young love doesn't last. But, I have taken into account the number of friends and family who have met their “significant other” in high school and are still married thirty years later.

There are a few things I've learned from my relationship with him. One factor is that love is not something tangible. It's more or less like the wind. You cannot see it at all, but you can feel it. Second most is that even though nothing can last forever, that doesn't mean you can't live your life; to the fullest extent possible. I might not be wise or smart at the age of nineteen, but I have come to realize that the one thing that stands strong among all other things is love. I solely believe that love is very powerful. Even if you split up, break up, or divorce, love is there in your heart burning like an immortal flame of fire. That is how I came to forgive Ryan for his mistakes. I know now, that love can last forever. And from this moment on, I dare to dream of spending my life with him.

“I want to have a family with you one day, Cassie. I have been thinking about that for a while now. I really want to.” Ryan had murmured to me when I accepted his apologies.

I am satisfied and happy he wanted me back and could not stand to be without me. He reached out to me and held me close as he gave me one single kiss. I remember resting my head on his shoulder and whispered a sweet nothing in his ear.

“One day I want a family with you too, Ryan.”

 

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