Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ The Boy on Page One ❯ Heal this love ( Chapter 12 )

Gev sat in the kitchen happily enjoying a big bowl of paradise in the shape of a doughnut, a new cereal made by Hostess. It made for some ugly foam-capped milk, but it is damned tasty; he never drinks the milk anyway, so it could be kale green for all he cares. Kale green. Hmph. Hakuo's such a brat; mouthing-off because he knows that he likes him too much to lay him flat for being a pest.

'I wonder what he was doing that was so great on Sunday that he cancelled on me?' He wondered. 'What does it matter? We don't have to spend Sundays together; it's not as if I count on them or something. We just do it because we're both available.'

A kiss on his cheek brought him out of his stewing. He looked beside him to see Ludwig is the culprit; his husband smiled at him before moved away to fix his own breakfast. Gev had spent his, Hakuo absent, Sunday with his husbands, which was surprising since the pair usually go in for overtime. But, as the day started with a delicious breakfast of a fried 2 eggs sandwich with a side of fruit; their drinks were individually prepared by he who was drinking it: iced coffee for Yakusoku, chocolate milk for Ludwig, and Gev had an Irish hot chocolate.

The pair informed him that they have decided to stay at home with him from now on, as they had before they started going for gold medals in the work field to save some money for a trip. It was a nice surprise; and Gev was glad he wouldn't be bored and climbing the walls, or worse… wondering what Hakuo was doing that's keeping them from hanging out for the hundredth time.

They hung around the house talking, went out when the stores were open for wardrobe shopping because it's been a while for all of them; they had a real laugh choosing clothes in their style for the others to put on. Ludwig is definitely still not goth material, more so now that he looks like Eason Treanor. A brush-cut brunet with a thick muscular build, far surpassed how funny actual Ludwig looked, even though his Canadian lover did have hidden muscle, it was lean. But he still looked funny dressed as Gev.

Siegfried Walker wasn't too hideous in goth attire, he looked pretty good in Ludwig's casual style as well; as for Gev, not so much. They cracked each other up with the insults and posted photos on Instagram. It was a great day to just go for a drive, too. The air was warm, a good breathable warm with a good breeze to remind everyone that it is spring. It was weird, though, when they drove past the park and were idling at a red light... he could have sworn he heard Hakuo's voice singing, incredibly off-key and loudly; along with another. The speakers projected the terrible, tone-deaf duo quite well, but he let the notion go. Why would Hakuo Krenn, the more-often-than-not prince of stoic silence, king of 'dear god why are you giving me attention', be singing children's songs in public?

It's one thing to make goofy videos with your bestie, but the second singer doesn't sound like the sometimes squeaking door Small. He should call and ask. That had been the plan, but he dropped it before they got back to their home. He really doesn't need to spend time with his husbands while wondering what Hakuo is doing. It's not right. And he especially doesn't need the smug Krenn thinking that he was right about him wanting to be with him. Because, again, it's not as if Sundays are their thing or anything like that.

All the driving they were doing that day, Yakusoku driving them from home then Ludwig driving them back, he's noticed things about their style he'd never cared about before, because once inside of the moving metal box he's as docile as a child who can't sleep without a good circling of the neighborhood.

Yakuza is very comfortable behind the wheel, he strangely steers only with his left hand while the right crosses over it to control the turn signals and gear shifts. He placed his right hand on the wheel only when making right turns then it would go back to resting on the space between them. Interesting. Gev hid a smile over how he liked the way Hakuo would casually help him steer when it seemed like he was drifting or stalling too long out of nerves. He especially appreciated last Sunday in the rain, how he didn't laugh at him for touching, pushing and pulling just about everything until he found the wipers. He just smiled and mumbled "There you go", before patting his thigh.

Ludwig drives like his father, Randall, comfortably but with a hint of over cautiousness; the roads will always be an unpredictable danger, that's the driver Ludwig is. His worry is more face than posture. He can only imagine what his driving physique is. He's panic faced plus hands. He must look like a lemur-eyed old man! No, he's definitely not ready to bust out his "I can drive" surprise on the pair just yet.

The week slowed along, uneventful. He wasn't hung up on what Hakuo was doing because he had work, and there is no squeezing in space out time with a job like that; all the hungry patrons coming in in droves, your ass would be so fired if the kitchen was held up too much, well, maybe not that drastic. But it would be a shit day, and you'd be chewed out for it and pay cut. However, once back at home he thought he'd have some sort of contact from the guy, to be informed about their missed Sunday: an emergency at work, family trouble, decidedly needed therapy session, then they'd make a schedule for this coming Sunday. But there was nothing. What could he have been up to all week? Maybe he'll surprise him by just showing up? He'd tell the guys he's going out with Hakuo, then he'd leave, they'd do their thing and he'd be back before he's missed. As for telling them what they're doing, he'll make something up so not to spoil the surprise of his steadily growing driving prowess.

The next Sunday the wind was a son of a bitch, and he'd be damned near vomiting nervousness onto his lap in the driver's seat. But, with Hakuo quietly acting as a cushion, he wouldn't be too terrified. But, no. No Hakuo. He spent the day with his husbands just lounging around at home, talking, anytime you please kissing, then eating sickening amounts of pizza for lunch, whilst playing shooter games. It was good stuff. He hated how it reminded him of when Hakuo was in a coma, though. Had the guy called or texted him during the week it would have been a different story, but nothing. It made his heart wrench. And it made him begin to worry.

He checked YouTube during the day when the trio were just bothering to alone for awhile. There were new videos in Nathen's account, some that didn't have Hakuo, most of them actually, but their were a couple that did. Recently done during the week, or rather they were done but not posted until just now. It was really hard to tell. But he nearly choked on his beer when reading one of the videos title: Gay Chicken.

He didn't dare click on it. This is lame Nathen... he wouldn't do something like that... Right? Fuck, he clicked on it. 'Damn ads.' He thought to himself, and it wasn't a skipper- great.

When the video began to play he watched with amusement at how sincerely they all were playing for a bunch of straight guys. Geez, thigh touching. Get a room already. This black kid seemed to be going for gold with a chest rub, but then they were interrupted by Hakuo coming in. The video cut to him and Nathen playing. What the hell!? Was this for real or video magic?

'Don't do it. Don't- fuck! Are you shitting me right now?' Nathen is so lucky he cringed into a corner, because he'd of teleported over there demanding that he explain what the hell he thought this video was about. 'I'd look like a fucking idiot. I should calm down. It's just some dumb game. I'm sure whatever happened was harmless... He said they have nothing between each other.'

But how could he be sure? They live alone in that apartment. Hakuo showed that he clearly doesn't mind kissing him, and Nathen wasn't exactly innocent when receiving. He's sure he saw tongue! Maybe he did! Who knows, he's so damned triggered he could fire off at the next person to cross his path! Which thankfully was no one. Listening for his lovers, he can hear them making love on the couch. It brought him back to the situation. He is in love. Married. And has nothing to do with Hakuo Krenn and whom he sees and how. Case closed.

When Thursday came that following week, he cracked in his resolve to not be the world's biggest douchebag to go chasing after someone who's not his and never was. So, it was off to the market. Why should he look like the waiting fool when they both like each other? Besides, Hakuo could just have been that busy. He's often going on about this he has to do, or that to get his life together; maybe it just didn't cross his mind that he's been incommunicado since they last saw each other. So this stunt- uh- need to restock their cabinets and fridge is a great way to see the absent-bum, and maybe brighten his day. He's always stopping by his husbands' jobs just to hang out and brighten their day, it's a bit harder for them to swing in and see him because he's stuck in the kitchen cooking, but on his break they can get in a quick bite together. It's great.

Gev walked about the store shopping, while discretely trying to catch a glimpse at the register area. Hakuo is at one of the stations, but which? He's not sure. But, he'll come across him eventually, and when he does he can chat him up while his purchases are being rung up.

'It would suck if he was sick,' thinks the low-grade spy guy. It'd make him feel like an even bigger fool.

Grabbing a bag of potato chips he dropped it into the basket on top of the food items, then he walked out of the aisle looking left then right and.. there! Register 10. Perfect. Just as he made a move for him, something bizarre happened causing him to hang back and watch.

'Who the fuck is this clown?' he wonders.

A young man with dreadlocks braided down his back appeared from behind the bagging area, smiling and talking animatedly to the worker, who was smiling and talking back. It was, to Gev, a thoroughly sickening display. Hakuo doesn't flirt with people. Not that he would know, really. When it was just the two of them while Yakusoku and Ludwig existed inside of Will Hyde, he's never once known what the guy did when they weren't in each other's company; and he for sure never asked with interest any of the few times he actually had asked him what he was up to. So maybe Hakuo does flirt. No. He's not going to accept this. It's too random. This creep must be some hanger-on, and the good manners in Hakuo is just too polite to tell him to fuck off. He'll do it for him.

Again, his charge is stopped by an odd sight; whomever this beach-roamer looking dick is just wrapped his arms around Hakuo's waist for a back hug! What? Hakuo tugged out the front of his shirt then… Well, Gev doesn't know what that was, was he flashing the guy his chest? Giving him a little peepshow?! Who is this guy all of a sudden?!

'Calm down, Gev. What the hell do you care who he's with? You're married, and fucking happily at that, to your soul friends. Why am I being like this all of a sudden? I sure as shit don't own the guy, and I can't tell him what to do or who to see,' he peeked at Hakuo again, glad to see he shoved the guy away and said something to him to get him to leave- finally. See, no cause for alarm, just some overly friendly asshole who was just given the boot. Problem solved.

Taking his basket to the register one down from Hakuo's, he noisily dropped his items onto the conveyer; Hakuo is ringing up a customer so he doesn't notice him. Hmm? Clearing his throat, he wondered if that would be enough until he heard all the other throat sound effects in the store: coughing, clearing, humming, some weird ass thing between a wheeze and a cough. Euw. He needs to get the hell out of here before he catches some other nausea beyond the spectacle of someone flirting with Hakuo.

"Have a nice day," says the female cashier, handing him his change. "And can I tell you, you have beautiful eyes?"

He mumbled something akin to a "thanks" but with a sarcastic undertone of 'who fucking cares what you wanna say'.

With his bags, and lack of success in anything other than upsetting himself, he took his leave.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Hakuo left work for home feeling like he was on some kind of workout routine of dealing in with people, and he is wiped out. And Sunny showing up, didn't help it. What if the boss had seen them? The hippie rolled in, asked when he had a break, then stooped to tie his sneaker which came undone while he walked over to him. He then wrapped his arms around him just to tell him that he had fun on Sunday- not the previous one, but the Sunday that recently passed. They went to the mall and skimmed over clothes, games, books, diving equipment because Sunshine wants to spend the summer at the beach with his budding beach babe, Hakuo, along at least for one time. He doesn't even know if they'll be together beyond April, how can he make such plans? Weirdo. People are weird.

Whatever Sunny had on for sun protection, or maybe it was just the scent of outside clinging to his dusty-brown bare arms, but whatever it was caused him to sneeze; which he did so inside of his shirt to prevent germs from spreading. That was all he could stand, intentional or not; he really hates super strong smells and he shoved the bringer of sneezes away to get back to his job; telling him that if he wanted lunch together he'd better get that smell off of him. Sunny agreed to try, so he took his leave.

He really shouldn't be so hard on him anymore, after all, its not Sunshine's fault that hearing about his past freaks him out- it'd freak anybody out! It's only natural. He just wishes that he'd be more careful of that instant reaction to badly react. It'd make things easier on the both of them.

Hakuo walked into his apartment spotting Nathen at the kitchenette table. "Are you studying?"

Nathen glanced at him saying "No," in response. "I'm finished. Will you quiz me?"

"I have to change first."

"Okay."

Four minutes later Hakuo exited the bedroom and sat down at the table.

"Wow. I would have taken ten minutes,"

Hakuo cocked a brow, then casually said. "I cut out the masterbation part."

Laughing, Nathen shoved his friend's shoulder. "I do not."

Taking the assignment, he looks it over. "Should I rearrange the question? Or do it Jeopardy style?"

"Ooh, that could help. I'll take Jeopardy style for five hundred."

"Okay."

It was another twenty minutes of game show studying before the pair had dinner; the Stouffer's macaroni was baking in the oven for a while now, they only needed to cook the vegetable because the ham they had yesterday was decided to be eaten cold from the fridge today.

"Have you seen the comments on our 'Gay Chicken' video?" Nathen asked once all the books were put away for the evening.

Hakuo shook his head; leaving the table he put a vegetable on the stove to cook while the rest of dinner finishes baking.

"People are giving me a ton of love for freaking out, it's both awesome and kinda insulting. I don't like the cracks about gays but the nicer comments said I was a good sport."

Hakuo shrugged. What does he care?

Nathen read some out loud. "'Hakuo's hot, I'd take your place Nate', 'you planned it, lame,'" he smiled hearing his friend's laughter at that one. "This one's my favorite, 'finally two hot guys playing Gay Chicken- more please'," Typing a response he writes: No thanks. "Let's seee… Recipe corner bombed, sixty eight views."

"Hey, that's great. It means you guys are funny and whatnot, and viewers aren't just coming in for me." Hakuo says. "Dinner's done." Turning off the stovetop boiling the spinach, he grabbed a plate and put together his meal.

Nathen ate reading reviews and checking numbers; Hakuo checked in with his family before turning off his phone to concentrate on his food. He's rather surprised that he hasn't gotten mail or texts from Gev. He thought for sure that he would; guess his little "chew out" worked a little too well. Oh well. It's not as if they must hang out with each other. If Gev's good with his honeys, than what can he do about it? He meant what he said, the hot Russian chef might be fine playing adulterous or open marriage but he will not be a Mister.

"I really need to do that horror film for credits. Are you free on Sunday?" Nathen asked once dinner was over and cleaned up.

"Free as breathing," replied the Krenn. "I'm still the villain, right?"

"If you want, but, you do know Slender doesn't speak?"

"All the better."

Nathen doesn't think so, he's planning on giving himself the most lines when he's not behind the camera. "Do you think your sister would be in it? It'd be weird if it was just a bunch of guys."

"Everything we do is just a bunch of guys; where have you been?" Hakuo widened his eyes with wonder. "Or is there something you're not telling me about one of them?" his brows wriggle comically.

"Definitely not. I just…"

"Wanna write in a prerequisite kiss scene with a girl?" he said finishing his sentence.

Nathen laughed innocently without innocence.

"Why not ask her for yourself, she's not gonna bite you or something."

Standing in the entrance of his bedroom, he confessed. "I'd rather she did, rejection scares me more than violence."

Hakuo took an audible huff in through his nose then nods. "As long as its not a sex scene or groping, I'll ask her."

Nathen shook his head. "Nothing like that, I swear. Thanks, Haku,"

"Sure. Good night." He enters his bedroom.

"See you in the morning."

The pair turned in for the night, not to sleep necessarily, since it's still early, but just to their own existences.

Hakuo lay in bed reading. He reads until something calls at his attention, not from the outside, it's neither Nathen nor is it his phone; but it's a distraction calling to him from the inside. He didn't want to indulge it- the voice. The new one. He'd hoped that he'd heard the last from it that early morning in the kitchen at his parent's home. But, no. It still speaks to him, wanting something he has no clue of.

It's not a cruel stranger. It's not menacing- that he can tell, so far. But, it's there. Driving him with constant wonder when the world gets quiet, just what exactly does it want?

Hakuo dropped into his mind's Room. It's not as realistic as it once was when he had his gift and could touch, taste, and see everything so realistically. In this case, that could be a good thing because now he won't take any mistreatment should the stranger go rogue. Now, visiting his inner place is a lot like a deep meditation. When opening his eyes he found himself on a raft made of nailed together boards; he's drifting on water. He's always on water when inside. It's his peace and his damnation. It's easy to float but it's also easy to drown. You're not supposed to feel threatened by your inner self. So, always, he goes in prepared to fight. Whether it's this new guy or some past memory, he won't let his guard down until he has true peace restored.

"Why did you call me in here?" he asked the near stranger. They've been getting close, not friends like he was with Mamoru, more along the lines of used to each other's existence. "I was reading."

"I'm just curious… Why won't you call Gev? You like him. You want him. So take him."

Watching the nameless swim about in the pale water, he wonders where the brightness is coming from to create such glowing frosty water, when it's dark all around. Blacker than black. It can't be illuminating from him, because, much like the darkness, he's everything but light. Although, he has yet to do anything so horrible to have Hakuo believing that something is wrong or shady about him. He's just too mysterious.

"It's not as simple as that. He has to choose me, there is no gain in taking him- it'd be a loss to me. I'm not even trying for victory; I don't wanna one up Yakusoku or Ludwig, I just want them to see reason. Everybody wins and nobody gets hurt."

The stranger laughed, sinister and deep from his stomach, which is exposed as he's currently doing the backstroke. "Everybody wins. Because you would hurt them, wouldn't you?"

Hakuo sighed. He will not answer that.

"You don't have to answer, I live in here. I know your thoughts and feelings… Why do you suppress them?" his hand grabbed the corner of the raft giving it a shove to spin it. "Why bother being nice when all the world wants to hurt you? They don't care about your feelings, they'll laugh at you the minute you say you like Gev and you want him."

Answering, he says. "Keeps me out of prison."

That bounced laughter throughout the Room. "This is why I like you. You're funny."

"Yes, yes, I'm a master of comedy," groaned the Krenn to his impersonation. "But why are we constantly having these conversations? Like a broken record. If you know, then you know I hate beating around the bush. If you've got something to say, then for the love of sanity, say it."

"Be with me. Embrace me."

"I don't even know your name."

"I don't have one, not from you. However; I have been calling myself by a name."

Hakuo remained silent, listening, waiting. It was funny how sometimes it felt as though he was the one with no name, who's trapped inside the flow of thoughts. But, he's always aware of his life once he leaves, so it can't be the case.

The stranger is at the foot of the raft; the vessel didn't tip as he leaned up on it. The skinny black threads from when they'd first met began creeping up the Krenn's outstretched legs starting at his feet. Why? What is it? He suddenly wished for Mamoru. He'd know, he lives in here. He'd come across the stranger and hound him, hound him until he comes clean. Then, he would tell him, and he would come in and eliminate him. Problem solved. Just like that suicidal kamikaze named Yakuza. Thank God Mamoru wasn't affected by that guy. Things could have gotten hairy for him. Or maybe, that's who this is. With Mamoru merged with him, he could have vomited out the part that doesn't fit. The stranger to his mind.

"Tell me, are you Yakusoku's alternate, Yakuza?" he felt nauseated the higher up the black, sticky threads climbed up his body. What will happen once it covers him? He's both scared, but also so curious to know.

"No."

"Then who? Or are you a what?"

"Desire or despair? Light or dark? Which are you? And I'll be the other half." The stranger is now up on the raft, lying on him, pinning him in place. "So what's my name?"

And it's there. Right on the tip of Hakuo's tongue. And he whispers it into the threads brushing him just against his lips.

It's 1 am. Nathen woke up when light brushed against his eyelids. Looking through the crack in the door, he can see Hakuo in the living room, a glass of milk in his hand that's currently going down his throat as he drinks it; he must be having trouble sleeping tonight. It happens from time to time, Nathen noticed since moving in with the guy.

It was weird, lying in bed watching Hakuo through the crack in the door. It kind of felt like spying, but not really… Hmm? He isn't sure, but he can't take his eyes off of his friend. Something's just… unnerving about a guy being awake when you're supposed to be asleep. Maybe it's just him. But, sometimes, and he'd never say it out loud but, sometimes… Hakuo scares the crap out of him. He's never met anyone so comfortable with silence before; so much so that often it seems as if he's talking just for his benefit. Then there's that moment when he'd found out about his friend's otherworldly abilities; Hakuo made him wet himself, he was that afraid something was going to happen. And when something upsets the Krenn… oh boy, look out.

What he'd said to those guys at the movies, about how he'd never kill him. Most would change such a hard word as kill to "hurt", he should have said "I would never hurt, Nathen". But kill? Has he killed? And whom?

'Shit!' He squeezed his eyes shut when looking through the crack in the doorway and seeing Hakuo standing there peeking in at him. He hated it when noticing that he was thinking on repeat- 'Don't kill me. Do not kill me'.

The frightened Small experienced a mild to severe heart attack when Hakuo's voice came into his bedroom like an AMSR and he said: "Sweet dreams, my friend".

That morning, Nathen almost slept in his bowl of cereal, because he couldn't get a wink of sleep after having woken up to his wandering friend creeping him out.

Hakuo set his bowl into the dishwasher then passed by the open dining room area into the living room to look out of the window. "It's really coming down out there." He grimaced when a low rumble sounded. "So much for hitting the gym today," He and his brother had planned to head to the gym after Hakuo got off from work. But that's not gonna happen if the foul weather keeps up.

Nathen watched Hakuo with an assessing eye, and when he turned to look at him he quickly looked away; however, he was too slow as they locked eyes.

"You haven't said a word since you woke up- although, you're half asleep in your cereal- are you even awake?" He remained where he sits at the living room window; Nathen thanked God for small miracles.

He's been playing with the idea all night about 'what if'. What if Hakuo is capable of killing someone? What if Hakuo has already killed someone? What if he tells him he suspects him of being such a person, would he try and succeed in killing him next? Too many questions keeping him up at night, and thus, he's very tired this morning.

"Hakuo…" Time to be really brave, and stupid- yes, he's about to be really brave and stupid. But the way he sees it, is that he's closer to the front door than his psycho friend; so let's say shit hits the fan… He can bolt and be outside screaming bloody murder before Hakuo can stop anyone from coming to save him. "Can I ask you something, and you'll answer me truthfully?"

"I always do."

"Ha…"

"Hamburger?"

"No. Hav.."

"Havanah? It's alright, I wouldn't listen to it by selection, but if it's on I'll leave it."

Nathen sucked in a breath. 'Glad he can be in such a silly mood; too bad I'm about to ruin it.' Releasing the breath he says. "Have you ever killed someone?"

The room should have grown to that level of uncomfortable quiet, but not even a second passed between them, the question then the answer as Hakuo Krenn using his own mouth said:

"Yes."

Nathen froze, stiller than a statue. His squinty dusty blues locked onto Hakuo's dark blue-greens. From there they just stared at each other. Who will crack first? Who will move first? What will the cracked mover do? A solid minute passed, roaming into a third when the Small asked:

"W..Why?"

"Because they hurt me… deeper than anyone should be allowed."

'They? Oh. They.' Nathen blinked his intense gaze from his friend's down into his no longer edible, due to the sogginess of it, bowl of cereal. 'He's talking about the sex offenders.'

"I've been called names in my life, I've been beaten silly for being a brat, a rat, and an all-around good guy, insulted just for trying to be helpful… I've even had a couple of life-ending scares, but none of that has ever hurt me as they did."

He's walking slowly into the kitchen, towards a very frightened young man, who looks as if he's trying to hold his ground while still finding a hiding place to crawl into for safety against the approaching doom. He's going to be killed. Now that he knows, he's going to be killed. But, rather than get knifed as someone would normally, he's going to be psychic blasted- and, yes, he still trips balls about that feature. He whimpered like a frightened puppy but Nathen is surprised by a hug. Hakuo wrapped his arms around him and hugged him.

'Or he's lolling me into a false sense of security.' He wonders.

"What they did to me, it won't go away. Not outside, not inside." His usually quiet pitch is even quieter, private, moreso just for the spoken to's ears only. "They suffer in a shame but people eventually stop caring on their end, my end it's different. It's always 'aren't you that one', or I get looked at funny when I'm recognized. I'm hurting all the time; some nights I have nightmares so bad I wake up and feel the urge to scream… But I hold it in, what's the use of it? It won't take back the nightmare or the reason why it's there."

Nathen felt tear prick his eyes when moisture touched his back through his shirt.

"It's a rare thing to have a dream of rape and actually feel it so realistically you actually can experience it having happened to you. Anyone dreaming about that would just watch it, and feel sorry for himself- maybe even sorry for someone else because they're in the dream watching it happen to someone else. But to be there... "

Small's arms that are locked at his side slackened, slackened and moved on their own to wrap around the quietly weeping young man's back. He had no idea Hakuo felt this way. Well, obviously he knows how much it must hurt. How frightening it was. But, he had no idea it was a time-after-time nightmare for him. He really did think it faded away. If you're not in the situation, it should just gradually go away.

"Living, finding my normal- because, yeah, like love there are too many ways to be normal…" He looked up at the ceiling as if trying to hold back tears that have already escaped. "It's a twelve step program without a program. There is no finish line because no matter how far you run towards it, you never seem to meet its end." Removing himself from the hug, he kneels down, looking Nathen right in the eyes. "So, yeah, I killed them.. those guys in the news.. I killed them all. I had to. They wouldn't stop. So I had to make them. Is it cruel? I don't see it that way. Is it life altering… I don't feel any different from having done it."

Nathen blinked hearing that. Was it possible? Like, really possible, to kill and not feel anything and just be normal? He wondered if that's where his friend's strangeness comes from. His dark humor and tendencies. He's warped to death. Used to it. Like an over abundance of some sort of food. Once was exotic and delicious but after a hundred occasions it's just another thing you stick in your mouth. A video game with no newness about it, the same game each time it's played. Just used to it. That scared him more, that killing someone could just be nothing.

"But, you would never kill me?"

"No. Why would I?"

"But, let's say I freak out and tell the cops what you did?" Nathen asks. "I'm spineless; and this is a major blow. I could accidently freak out and rat on you." He sniffed back tears, not from fear of being killed, the tears had come from Hakuo's sad confession. His fear is locking up his throat, that's what the fear's doing. "Would you kill me then?"

"It's a risk I have to take, because I can't take back telling you." Hakuo replied. "I will not kill you even then, but, I hope that you won't rat on me."

"But I'm scared of you…"

Hakuo smiled, small and sad. "I'm only capable of doing something that as a person I'm not."

Nathen wondered what kind of person he is that that made sense to him? Is he a bad person, too? To keep something like this to himself.. What does that mean? Looking at his stoic-faced friend and he realized then that the description is more adjective than noun, because Hakuo only looks like he feels nothing, but inside he feels a great deal. He must live so scared and agitated that something might happen to him, and it's not for nothing. Everyone calling him O.B. behind his back because of very present situations of grown men still carrying a torch for him, or suddenly adopting one because of the other's obsessions pointing him out to them.

"Don't be afraid of me Nathe, I'm not scary. I'm not harmful to anyone I care about. And I care about you… Yes, even if you unmeaningly rat on me."

'So many deaths… But, Hakuo does seem like a normal guy, albeit a little ticky from your average guy, but normal.'

The Small swallowed as the next words about to come out of his mouth he did not want to ask. Stay down. Don't look into it. For the love of god, just stay down. Seeing Hakuo cock his head in wait, as if he can tell that he wants to say something, Nathen kept it to himself. He can't ask. Maybe because a part of him really doesn't want to know, because he can't handle the answer if it's a yes. Then he'll have to come to grips with the fact that Hakuo killed his long time best friend Lee Deakins for turning into a person who hurt him too deeply. And he wasn't sure that he could handle that. He could be mad at Lee; he could get to a place where he could have forgiven Lee. He could have tried to help the pair reconcile… But to think that Lee is gone, not from suicide, but from something Hakuo did to him… Would he forgive that?

"I have to go to work; don't change the locks on the door, please." Standing, he walks into his bedroom to change.

Nathen released a breath he hadn't even noticed he was holding until the space between them grew. He's a killer. He's best friends, living in the same space… with a killer. How can he handle that now that he knows? He looked at the closed door in wonder if he'll ever see or hear his friend the same way again? All those dark jokes, the way he just laughs endlessly about nothing. What if the murders have affected him? What if he has a psychotic break and goes all Jack Nicholson on him? Who will hear him scream? Will anyone come to his rescue? He wasn't sure, but he figured he'd better start getting chummy with the neighbors- just in case.

When Hakuo emerged from his bedroom, dressed and ready to go, Nathen is in the living room with the TV off and watching the weather out the window.

"I'll turn over my key when I get off work; I'll go back home with my family... " He says softly. "You don't have to worry about the rent, I'll keep the account full so you can live here until you find another roommate."

"You have a kid…" Nathen says as if under a spell.

"Yeah."

"How old is he again?"

"...6, now, I think."

"Jesus. I was thinking that, it's so effed-up that you have a kid. A six year old kid, that would mean you were 14 when he was conceived. You were molested. And I thought, that if you were a girl, you'd have been violated that thoroughly and it would be so tragic and scary. It would mess with you. How could it not?"

"Yeah."

"Being a guy doesn't make it any less frightening. You've been abused on both ends… I can't imagine anyone being ok after any of that. A living, though positive, but still a constant reminder beyond the negative that something unimaginable happened to you."

"Yeah." Turning away, he heads for the door.

"Hakuo, don't turn in your key. I don't want us to separate. I don't like what you did, but I'm not so moral to overshadow understanding why you did it." He looks at him, sincerity in his eyes. "I won't tell on you. Your secret is safe with me… my friend."

Hakuo heard the last words and felt a pang in his chest. Nathen still called him friend- his friend. He was in his bedroom changing, resigned to the reality that Nathen will never trust him again. He'll never be comfortable around him, like he used to. He'd want him gone for his sanity over the fear of his own safety. He could understand that. So, ten minutes later, after sorrowful pros and cons, he'd decided they should just go their separate ways. However; Nathen asked him to stay… And still sees him as a friend.

"Thank you." He smiled sincerely.

Nathen watched his friend leave, and he felt… better. A certain peace about it all. He knows now. He knows how far Hakuo will go to be safe. He trusted him enough to tell him, to answer truthfully even if it was a damning thing. And Nathen knew that no one bad could smile so kindly if they were a bad person.

Hakuo sat in his car in the parking lot of the market where he works. His gaze is trained out of the windshield at nothing; the splattering rain against the glass, even the most forceful ones don't effect his steady distant gaze. This, that, had to be the first time in his life that being honest hurt. He.. He hated to tell Nathen the truth; he's happy that he could, relieved that there's no longer that between them, however… Nathen will never look at him the same again. Just as Celes will always look at him differently. How could he expect normal people to know what it's like to reach that limit? To get to that point of break where you're just broken.

He calmed himself down from the holler. The loud forceful sound in his mind whenever he has to swallow it down. The stickiness in his mind choking him, causing a coughing fit. He told him so, didn't he? The new guy, whose name he learned is Half. He believes himself to be the half of Hakuo that he refuses to accept. The one killing. The jaded. The wanton. He's decidedly tried his hand at being like everyone else, when he is not like everyone else but more a part of the select handful of those who've been there. The disjointed dolls. Able to pose as people, but are so far from them.

Mr. J and Sherlock at home, a harmless gesture though so painfully a reminder that he doesn't often feel real. And the few times when he does, he can't enjoy it. It'll pass. It is fleeting. Because he's weird. His humor, his behavior, the way he looks- even the bland way he speaks, all weird from everyone else.

Fuck it. He'll just be in late today. Starting the car he leaves the parking lot and heads for a place he's been avoiding. Not because he's changed his mind, but because he didn't want to face it again. Someone he's hurt. To be there and look into the eyes of someone who must have the same feelings he does. Someone, who if presented the chance, would kill him.

And after a sixteen minute drive he found himself parked outside of the home of the Applebeums.

He's late about a year or so, going by the written request for his offered appearance, but better late than never. And he actually had decided on a never, after his having been in a coma and, yet again, foolishly deciding he can just hurl his past to the floor and step on it with cleats.

The weather let up a bit, enough to not be drenched instantly but dampened gradually in the mist. He stands outside of the home in wait after having knocked on the door then rung the bell. They may not even be at home. But, his luck was shit today because the door pulled slowly open revealing Mrs. Applebeum.

"Hello. Can I speak to your son?" He wasn't sure what else to say. May as well get to the point. "If he's at home."

Mrs. Applebeum looked confused then angry, then back to confused. "My husband wrote to you, didn't he? Yes, I remember him showing me."

"I would have come that year, but, I sorta had an accident and wound up in a coma."

The frail woman nodded. "I saw that on the news. Come in, I guess." She leads him through the front hall into the den of the home.

Hakuo doesn't look about as he's lead through the home, as most people would. He doesn't want this to linger. He doesn't want to see someone else's broken home, just the broken young man himself. He's how old now? Seventeen? Sixteen? It doesn't matter, the young man never grew past the age of five when it had happened to him. When his world was shattered. Five to his eight. Hakuo knows this meeting is right. It will set things right to heal at least some part of his otherworldly past.

"Mrs. Applebeum, what's his name?" he asked before they reached the teen.

Mrs. Applebeum looked as though she wanted to rip him apart. Having done what he did and to not even know her son's name! The bastard! The look she cast Hakuo told him where he could go from such a question.

"I mean no disrespect, a lot of us were given different names." Said Krenn truthfully.

The broken woman nodded with a shaking motion of her head, remembering that some of the tapes of her son were labelled Brycer. She thought that was the name of one of the men, but it was on many others but with a different person.

"It's Oswald. My son's name is Oswald; we call him Wally for short."

With a nod, he enters the room behind her.

After introducing him, she was reluctant to leave the room as Hakuo requested; why should she trust him alone with her son? The fucking rapist might do it again. But he insisted that he won't speak with her in the room. So, slowly, regrettably she left them alone. But, remained at the door, just in case.

The pair were silent for a very long two minutes. Oswald stared right through him, Hakuo right at him.

After a breath to find his voice, Krenn spoke. "This morning, as I ate breakfast, I thought to myself.. I must have done a crap job brushing my teeth, because I can't stop tasting corn. Then I" he gestured with his hands the action of pouring cereal. "poured some more Pops into the bowl…"

Oswald, who spends most of his days staring blankly at walls suddenly flicked his eyes away from that dark place, for just a brief moment, as the stranger's words sunk in. The taste of corn wasn't poorly brushed teeth, but cereal flavor. That was… so stupid. Wally's face ever so faintly cracked at the corners for a smile.

Hakuo noticed this, and kept going. Luring the animal away from the road, far from the headlights. Come safe beside me here. "Can you believe they're making cereal from cookies now? Chips Ahoy, Nutter Butter, if they make Golden Oreo… endgame, am I right?"

Wally shrugged his shoulder.

'Alright, we've got some physical movement.' Thinks Krenn. 'Let's get some speech going shall we, even a laugh will do.' Removing his gaze from the teen, a strategic move to get him to look at him, he asked the open area he's facing. "What cereal do you like? Frankly anything with peanut butter is my taste. But, I've started to like other flavors like the Corn Pops- they dropped the 'Corn' part sometime ago- I wonder why?" Hakuo shrugged out his hand and added. "Probably so you don't taste it."

It was through the nose, an odd blast of a sound; it could have easily been a sneeze, but the shaking of Oswald's shoulders gave it away that he had somewhat laughed at the comment. It was brief, no longer lasting than a deep breath, but the milestone it gave to the lost teen was greater than any house full of chuckles a comedy routine could ever have created. Here was a boy so lost with pain that his walls have sealed him in and everyone else out. He no longer needs a world that could hurt him so much. Except, unlike Hakuo, he's detached in spirit and body. He refuses to properly even function around his own home with his family. That's not right. Even if you want no one, you need someone around for after the Hell has tossed you aside telling you to end it and take up permanent residence with death. They'll keep you from that ledge, even if you're too slow to realize that it isn't really the ledge you want but the relief of the release. When your mind , spirit, and heart are finally telling you… it is time. Release yourself from the pain and heal. Not release from the pain through death. Too many get the break in clarity wrong. Far too many…

"Do you like cereal? What's your favorite?" he noted the teen watched as he looked, with a touch, at a statuette on the bookshelf.

Wally fought answering by readjusting his swaddled legs to him.

"I used to love the honey ones: Smacks, Chex, Cheerios… Now, I'm all peanut butters: Cap 'n' Crunch, Reese's Puffs, the new Cinnamon toast Crunch, I'm still waiting on Frosted Flakes to get onboard, but I guess they don't wanna be sued by Butter Finger."

"Huh?"

Hakuo hoped the teen didn't see his semi jump from the unexpected voice. "Corn Flakes shot with peanut butter, that's how the candy bar is made." He smiled and teased, keeping normalcy going. "You didn't know that? That's beginners' knowledge. Pssh, you're so lame."

Wally shrank, as if to agree. But having found at least a sound, he asked. "Are you.. Are you from before? Sin?"

"Sin was never real, just a way to get through the pain that was caused to me, and the pain that I've caused in return." He looked at the teen, their eyes met; the olive green of Oswald's looked scared, worried, and a bit relieved? "My real name is Hakuo. And you're Wally, right?"

He breathed heavily, he's heard his parent's saying his name, but for some reason the other came back. Erasing him and leaving the abused in his place. Funny how that works, his body was abused with a substitute name and now his life has been claimed by the substitute. Never meeting in the middle always cast as either or.

"You are not the problem, Wally. There was nothing any of us could do; the nightmare was so real that for a lot of us that's all we could be." He sees the teen listening. Very closely listening. "But we are not the bad thing, not for doing it or for having it done. The bad thing stayed put, actually. But, somehow we took a little bit of it with us… It was hard being in it, but damn near impossible to be away from it."

Wally nodded. His eyes tearing up as it all came flooding back. His sobs are higher than his voice, old tears that are high from the pedestal of pain they reside on.

Hakuo watched the teen beating at his head with his fist. Seeing the spatter of bald patched he can see why his parent's chose to shave his hair off. "Can I hug you? Is it ok to do that?" he has to ask. Children are never given the option, he will give him otherwise. Can't he?

At first, Oswald shook his head, he rocked with the hug of his knees in the buoyancy of cruelty the memories try to drown him in, but then he shot up from the couch tearing straight for the young man. Hakuo awaited the beating, the strangulation, the bludgeoning with the statuette he'd admired, but instead he got a hug. A desperate cling. Save me. That's what it felt like. Don't let me fall.

And before he left, Hakuo, while hugging Wally in return whispered to him.

Death wasn't waiting over the ledge, he just jumped down a step to heal. That he, Oswald Applebeum, just jumped to heal. The poor teen has probably had every shrink, every well-wisher, his parents, friends, and relatives only asking about the problem and is he ok? It's probably been a long while since anyone has spoken to him in just a mundane, what did you do or what do you want to do tone. Instead of the "How are you, do you wanna do, after-" voice. Hakuo's bland flatline.. His normal... the normal that weirds out others, as it turns out helped someone.

And as he made for the exit, he smiled to himself when hearing a small but grown up voice asking it's way back to this time frame, if there is any cereal?