Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ The Striplings ❯ Porter's Trio ( Chapter 9 )

A/N: Just wanted to let you know, no one will be getting pregnant in this book. That's just too much of a cliché for me. Also, Chapter 8 officially marks the halfway point of the book!

 

Chapter 9

Porter's Trios

 

1

 

As I laid with my back against Troy's chest, I wondered how anyone could think this was wrong or that we were damned for wanting this. I don't know why I'm the way I am, but I loved another man and everything inside me said this was right. It was clear to me now that I'd never be like this with a girl. Anna was the only girl I'd ever met that I truly wanted to be close to and even if I added up every moment we spent together it wouldn't be one tenth as fulfilling as this one moment in his arms was.

 

“What are you thinking about?” I smiled a little at the sound of his voice. It was still deep and rough, but also soft and sweet. Maybe he was thinking the same thing as me.

 

“You, Anna.”

 

“You really care about her, don't you?”

 

“I do. Enough that I wanted it to be the real thing.”

 

“And now?” I turned to look at him because I wanted him know that I meant everything I was about to say.

 

“Being with you, loving you, will never be easy. And I know that almost everyone I know will hate me when they eventually find out, but I don't care. Part of it's because of the way loving you makes me feel, but most of it is feeling how much you love me back. Even if Anna did love me someday, it would never make me happy.” He turned me the rest of the way so I was now laying on him, our faces inches apart.

 

“I'm sorry I wouldn't forgive you. I should have trusted that you did love me the way you said you did. Being like us, it's hard and you needed something that I didn't want to give up. But I thought about it a lot and I realized you had to see. You had to know that no woman will ever satisfy you like a man does. Hopefully no one ever makes you feel like I do, but I know the odds aren't in our favor. We'll be lucky to make it through high school.”

 

“Why would say that?” I was surprised how much even the thought of us ending hurt.

 

“I just want to be honest with you Porter, that's all I ever wanted.” He kissed me before he went on. “I do love you, but I know that things change, people change.”

 

“You're right. Why are you always so much wiser than me?”

 

“Living my life made me grow up fast. After I found out about my mother, I realized that nothing is ever certain and things can always change.” When Troy talked about his mother, I felt useless. My parents were so great and his mom was a drug addict. I'd never be able to say anything to make him feel better about that. “It also made me into the kind of person that needs to know I can trust the people I love. I just need you to be honest. Tell me what you're thinking, especially with Anna. I won't make you give her up as long as you tell me the truth about what goes on between you.”

 

“I will be this time Troy, not matter what, honest that is. And that goes especially for Anna. But I'm not sure how we're going to be friends after I break it off.” I rolled back around and he wrapped his arms around me again.

 

“Have you thought about what you're going to say?”

 

“No. You've been keeping me a bit busy.” We both laughed a little and then it was really quiet. I was thinking about what I could tell her. It would have to be really thought out or she'd know I was lying.

 

“You could tell her.”

 

“Right, tell her I'm gay and in love with someone else.

 

“Why not? Don't get me wrong, I'm not ready to tell anyone we don't have to. But if you trust her, then I'll trust her too.” Could I really tell her? She wouldn't tell anyone, but I doubt she'd want to stay friends with me. My phone buzzing across the room captured both our attention. I didn't have to look at him to know that we were both remembering that night.

 

“Rochelle sent me a text. I need to get home, my parents are worried about where I am.”

 

“They should be.” I threw on my clothes and we said goodbye. When I had just reached my car a door behind me slammed, making me jump back. Jose was coming towards me.

 

“We need to talk Porter.” Troy must have been watching because he was at my side a few seconds after Jose was. How long had he been waiting for me? My brain was scrambling to remember if there had been a touch or caress he could have seen. The drapes were closed, we didn't even touch until well after we were safely in his room. Our goodbye kiss took place in the hallway, where there were no windows. There was no way he could know what we were doing. So the look of disgust on his face must only be about Anna and me.

 

“Okay. Let's talk.”

 

“I need to talk to you about my sister. But not in front of him.” I looked over at Troy, begging him to understand we couldn't let Jose think for a second that we were more than friends. Troy got the idea and headed back in the house, though I knew he'd be watching. Once the door closed, Jose began.

 

“What have you and my sister done. . . in private?”

 

“Well that's private Jose. Anna would tell you if she wanted you to know.” I was really terrified that he was going to start wailing on me like he had to Chase Dylan. But instead of beating me, he laughed, a little manic.

 

“This is so messed up Porter, I don't even know how to tell you.” Now I was confused. Was he here to tell me to stay away from Anna, meet me, or something else entirely?

 

“Why don't you just say it.”

 

“Does your dad like Anna? I mean really like her?”

 

“My dad? I guess, we all like her, my sisters especially.”

 

“Did your sisters ever tell you why they started talking to Anna?”

 

“No. Well I think they have some classes together. Jose what are you getting at?”

 

“This is so hard. But I have to tell you before it goes any further between you two.” Jose had taken a couple steps back and turned away from me. “Anna's your sister too.” My first reaction was to think this was all a plot to keep us apart, but something was telling me that Jose truly believed what he was telling me.

 

“How do you. . .”

 

“Because I know my mom's been having an affair, for years. Because my mom called your dad to talk about Anna spending time at your house and your dad said `I won't turn her away, I'm the one who's been without her the last fifteen years.'” For the first time this seemed possible, but everything inside me was denying it.

 

“Are you sure it was my dad?”

 

“Yes! Do you think I would be here if I wasn't one hundred percent sure?” He turned around and walked within a few feet of me. “You have to end this with her and you can't tell her about this. It will kill her.”

 

“If it is true, she has a right Jose.”

 

“What do you mean if? You should know Anna's face as well as anyone by now. Think about your dad, your sisters. Even you Porter. You and Anna have the same eyes. No one in our family has her blue eyes. And she's so light, with her hair is the same color as yours. I was already picturing her face in my mind. Her eyes were like mine and her hair was different than Jose's family, yet blended in just fine with mine and my sisters. I was starting to believe him, then I puked.

 

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see. Chunks kept coming and coming. I'd kissed her, wanted to have sex with her. How sick and twisted. . the only girl I ever really was attracted to. How screwed up was I? Maybe I'd been molested as a child. That usually screws someone up.

 

“Hey man, calm down.” Jose's voice was gentle now. He was a good guy. Most people in his position would hate me for what my father had done, but he didn't. He was just worried about his sister. It felt like he was a little worried about me too.

 

“What's going on Porter?” Troy was back out and at my side. He must have been watching. I didn't care anymore that Jose was watching us. This was completely messed up and I didn't want Troy to leave my side again. With Troy's help I stood up. I leaned against the car, still having trouble supporting myself, but not deranged enough to hold onto Troy.

 

Finally I looked back at Jose. He had a strange look on his face as he gazed from Troy to me. How could he possibly know? Troy reached for my arm and I pulled away from him. He grabbed me again, this time harder.

 

“I don't give a shit what this guy thinks Porter. Tell me what the hell is going on!”

 

“Anna's my sister Troy. My sister! I'm a complete freak!” Troy used his hold on me to pull me into him. I let him this time, needing to feel his comfort.

 

“You're not a freak Porter. You didn't know.” He was speaking softly now, holding me with one arm and using the other to run his fingers across my head. With every passing minute I fell more and more apart and cared less and less that we still had an audience. Until he spoke that is.

 

“What's going on with you two?”

 

“What do you think Jose?” I didn't have to look up to know that Troy's tone had startled him.

 

“So, you're what, cheating on my sister with this guy?” Troy sighed, exaggerating a little.

 

“No. Tonight's the first time we've spoken in months. After we talked tonight, Porter was planning on breaking up with Anna.” I heard Jose chuckle a little, but I didn't care what he thought anymore.

 

“So that's why he's so upset. You're gay and the only girl you did manage to be attracted to is your sister.” Troy's hands were off me and Jose was suddenly next to me, pinned against the car.

 

“I don't care how great of a wrestler you are, that doesn't mean shit when you're fighting someone who knows how to break your arm in ten seconds.” I looked down and saw Troy had Jose's arms twisted behind him. Jose's face was contorted with pain. “So, to answer your question, yes.” Then he looked at me. “But you're not a freak Porter. You were attracted to her because she's the most attractive girl in school. Not to mention she's honest, kind, and pure. All the things that are attractive to you. You had no way of knowing.” He twisted Jose's arm a little more and leaned in to him. “Can you understand that?” Before Jose could answer, a car pulled up behind mine, Essie. Troy pushed even more and Jose said yes.

 

Troy let go just as Kevin and Essie came running up.

 

“What's going on guys?” Kevin reached us first.

 

“Jose was just leaving.” Troy answered for all of us and Jose started walking to his car, pausing about halfway there.

 

“You won't tell her then?”

 

“If it will hurt her, the way you think it will, I won't tell her. What about you and this?” I looked at Troy to indicate what he'd seen between us.

 

“That's not my business. But you should tell her.” Once his car was gone, Kevin exploded.

 

“That was so awesome Troy. You're so my hero.” Kevin ran over with his hand raised. Troy grabbed it and it turned into a weird sort of pat on the back. I felt a small jolt of jealousy at seeing someone, especially a guy, touch Troy like that. Then I realized that was ridiculous and remembered I was supposed to be completely devastated, which I was. Essie stayed quiet, as she usually did. Together, we all went back into the house. There was no way I was going home tonight.

 

 

2

 

“You never did tell me what you're dad said when you told him you were staying at my house.”

 

“He was pissed, but he really couldn't argue with me when I said your mom wasn't even there. Which he already knew, but he was convinced your mom's actions somehow tainted the whole house. Plus he's assuming the worst about your dad.”

 

“Your dad should know better than most what people do for love.” Now the initial shock had worn a little, I had to think about what the affair meant for my family. My dad loved someone else and had gone to extreme lengths to prove it, or so it seemed. “Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up like that.”

 

“It's okay, I don't blame you. My dad's a prick, we know that more than ever now.” We were driving on the other side of town, where Anna and Jose lived. After much discussion, I'd decided to tell Anna the truth about me and Troy. I asked Troy to come with, hoping if she saw us together, she would understand that I had no choice. Anna thought she was going running with us, though she warned us she wasn't much of a runner.

 

When we were close, I sent Anna a text so that she would be waiting when we arrived. I wanted to spend as little time as I could there. God forbid her mother came out. What would I do then? Anna stepped out of the house, looking gorgeous. Her hair was pulled back showing her perfectly sculpted face. The shorts she wore showed off her long slim legs. When she saw me, she smiled and that made her beauty complete.

 

“She is beautiful Porter.”

 

“Yeah, but you know that doesn't matter.”

 

“Oh I know.” Troy opened the door, to let Anna sit in front with me. She leaned over to kiss me, but I stayed facing forward, letting her kiss graze my cheek.

 

“It's freezing. Maybe I should have put pants on over these.” I turned up the heat and she turned to talk to Troy. “I'm pretty excited about getting to run with you Troy.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Of course. You're one of the best runners in the entire state. I've seen you race a few times too. You're really great.”

 

“Thanks Anna.” It was too cold to run as Troy and I had on day of our first kiss, so we went to the CCC. The college had a huge indoor track that was free for students. Troy went there a lot during the winter. The plan was for all of us to start running together and then for Troy to pull ahead. Since his endurance was so much better than ours, this wouldn't seem odd. Then I would tell Anna what I'd hoped she might already see.

 

The track was deserted which we expected this early on a Saturday. Anna had to go to the bathroom first, which was upstairs so she told us to get a head start. We made it about halfway around the track when he stopped.

 

“Are you going to be able to do this?”

 

“Yeah, I have to. Why would you ask me that?”

 

“You two just really get along. What if she doesn't want to see you anymore after she finds out about us?” I walked over to him and put my arms around him.

 

“It's because I care about her, that I don't want to lie about it. Besides, what if she can accept it? Then I would get you and her. I have to try.” Troy looked back and forth before taking my face in his hands and giving me a kiss.

 

“For luck.” His hands lingered around my face. I knew any second someone could come around the corner and see us so I started to pull away. But then I thought about the months we were apart, and how I wanted to be with him like this more than anything. I yanked him back, forgetting the time and place, letting him be my world. It didn't last long. Troy pulled back first, reminding me of where we were.

 

“It can't be like this Porter.”

 

“I know, but it's been so long and I've missed you.”

 

“Me too, but we're going to have to go to school on Monday and act like. . .'

 

“Porter?” Neither of us moved. Troy's hand had slid down and was hanging on mine. I didn't want to let it go. But I didn't have to because he did. Just before his fingers slipped away from mine, I hooked mine back with his and pulled them back. He looked at me for a second and then kissed me before walking away from Anna and me.

 

“I want to tell you everything?”

 

“I'm not running away, yet.” Over the last twelve hours, I`d imagined Anna screaming and yelling or at the least running off. But she wasn't. She was ready to hear me, even though she knew how we would end.

 

We walked around the track and I told her everything, from the days of watching him run to the break up to last night. I left out the more private details, but my feelings for him were clear.

 

“You haven't told me why Sam. Why you asked me to date you.”

 

“Because I wanted you Anna, just not like I want him. It's not even a want, it's a need with him. I think I could have been with you, but you'd never make me feel like he does.” I hated this. All of this would be pointless if I could just tell her the truth about us. But Jose said it would break her and I had to trust him. “So when he wanted to see me last night. . .”

 

“You couldn't resist. Did he tell you why? Why he changed his mind.”

 

“Yeah. He said he couldn't risk me falling in love with someone else. He said it was worth the risk of getting his heart broken again.”

 

“He thought you'd fall in love with me.”

 

“He thought I could. But Anna I don't want to lose you. Everything I ever said to you I meant. You're the sweetest, nicest person I've ever known and now more than ever I want you in my life.”

 

“It's not that easy Sam. I don't have a Troy to go home to. I don't have anything. I had you and my brother, but he's so caught up in Rose that nothing else matters to him.”

 

“You matter to him Anna, more than you think.” She ignored my comment and kept going on as if I hadn't spoken.

 

“I wanted to be with you and that doesn't go away just because I found out you're in love with someone else.” It was hard to hear, but I never expected her to jump into being my friend. I could see Troy standing by the exit waiting for us. “Sam I didn't mean never, just not now.”

 

The three of us walked out together and were met by Jose. He was parked outside the school waiting for Anna.

 

“I told you. More than you know.” She looked at us one last time then walked over to Jose's car.

 

“How'd it go?”

 

“How do you think it went?”

 

“I'm sorry Porter.”

 

“I'm not. I can't be, can I? I'd give up anything to be with you.”

 

“Don't say that Porter, because someday you might be choosing between me and someone or something that you really love.”

 

“I'll always choose you Troy, now that I know what's like to be without you.”

 

 

3

 

“I didn't know you knew anything about electronics Troy.” I turned away from the CD's I was stacking to face my sister's boyfriend, Kevin Bailey. Despite our rocky start, Kevin and I seemed to have formed some sort of truce or maybe even kinship. Porter and I didn't gross him out anymore, in fact he was getting much more interested in the whole situation that I thought he ever would.

 

“There's a lot you don't know about me Kevin.”

 

“You think? You're the most mysterious person I've ever met. I never have any idea what you're thinking about.”

 

“Does it really matter to you what I'm thinking?”

 

“Normally it wouldn't, but since I have no way of ever knowing, I want to know. You know what I mean? Does that make any sense?” I chuckled a little, which was rare for me to do. Kevin had no trouble getting those out of me for some reason. His responses surprised me a lot, and some of the time were even a bit funny, but it was still strange that I actually thought he was a cool guy. I guess that's a good thing since he's always at my house. Kevin's family was still pissed about Kevin dating Essie, so they spent all their time at our house. Most of the time I didn't mind, because Porter would be with me. But on the nights I was alone, it was a little disturbing.

 

“Troy?”

 

“Yeah, it makes sense. So don't tell me you're here for my sister.” Instead of an answer, he smiled. He had a nice smile. It made sense that so many girls wanted him. I still wasn't sure how my sister was keeping him all to herself. I finished the last of my inventory then followed him to the car. I'd only been working at Big Top Electronics for a few months. Usually I could take my dad's car, but on nights that I worked past nine, I had to get a ride. Essie and Porter picked me up on those nights, but this was the first time Essie sent Kevin.

 

“Where's Porter at tonight?”

 

“At a study group for the ACT's”

 

“You're kidding me?”

 

“Look who's talking. I'm sure this time next year, you'll be just as concerned as he is.” Kevin didn't respond, but I could tell he was bursting to say something.

 

“What?” He shook his head, keeping his eyes forward. “Kevin, I'm extremely gifted at reading people and I know you have something to say, so just say it.”

 

“You just sounded so cute, defending your guy.”

 

“You just said `cute' Kevin, and besides that's not all that you were thinking.”

 

“Geez, you are good Troy.”

 

“You have no idea.” He made a face, clearly he got my drift.

 

“Don't do that Troy. I've been extremely tolerant under the circumstances, but when you say something like that, with that voice, it just messes with me.”

 

“To be fair Kevin, you've been much more than tolerant. In fact, you've been bordering on vicarious.”

 

“Hey you should be thanking me for what I told you about Porter and Anna.”

 

“I would have found out eventually. Things would have worked out.” Kevin hit the brakes and jerked the car to the side of the street.

 

“You know, I forgive Essie a lot, because I know she doesn't always understand how to interact, how to express her feelings correctly and usually she just keeps her mouth shut about everything. Most people would have been done with her after that stunt she pulled with my brother, screwing him to get me back. But I'm not most people. I've seen your mom, and I've heard a lot of Essie's stories.” That made me tense up a bit. There were so many stories to tell, and no way for me to know how much he knew about our private affairs. “So I can forgive her and I can even understand some of your screwed up logic. But you do owe me something, and it's a hell of a lot more than what you just said. Don't forget I've seen the two of you behind closed doors. I know what he means to you.” He pulled away from the curve and drove the rest of the way to my house. He didn't pull into the driveway, so he didn't plan on staying. I knew he was right, I just didn't like letting people in. Despite that, he did deserve more than that.

 

“Porter's made me feel happier than I've ever been. I have to love him for that. Honestly, I'm not sure if it's because he's my first or because he truly is meant for me. But either way, I do need him, I can't be without him. It makes me sick to think that I almost lost him and I'm grateful you went out of your way for me, for us.”

 

“I know what he means to you. Believe me I know. And you do owe me now.”

 

“Yeah I do. So. . . do you want to come in? Hang out until our other's come find us.”

 

“I thought you'd never ask.”

 

We played baseball on my Wii for a couple hours. He was kicking my ass of course. Kevin offered to race with me, but that would be much more unfair than playing baseball. Porter walked in a little after midnight.

 

“I can't believe its midnight already.” Porter's appearance was a bit of a shock. It seemed so early still. We were still in the middle of a game and Porter seemed a little restless that I was busy when he arrived.

 

“I know. Times been flying by.” Kevin was batting.

 

“Yeah. Hey Troy, I've got to get home soon. My dad wanted me home right after the session.” Kevin and I both glanced at Porter. He was definitely not happy. Kevin noticed now and I was a little embarrassed by that.

 

“It is late. Can you just tell Essie I'll see her tomorrow?” I nodded and he left. Porter glared at me for a second then got up to walk to my room. As soon as we were safely in my room, I was all over him.

 

“What are you doing Troy?”

 

“What do you think, what we always do. Normally this is the point where you start begging me for things.”

 

“Well I'm not in the mood Troy. I'm just a little pissed right now.”

 

“You don't have a good reason to be pissed, so you should just drop it.” I hadn't stopped exploring his entire body. Part of him was in the mood not matter what he said.

 

“Why are you so excited anyway? You haven't been this excited since we first started seeing each other again.” That was enough to get me off him. Now I was pissed and he looked regretful.

 

“Could you be more obvious Porter? First you act like a prick when you see me hanging out with Kevin. Now you want act like I'm turned on from hanging out with him. That's bullshit Porter.”

 

“Really? Why would you hang out with him anyway?”

 

“He picked me up from work for Essie. I asked him to come in while we waited for you guys. You know what Porter, he's a nice guy. I like to be around him. We're friends.” Now he was looking like I was cheating on him.

 

“Do you think he's hot?”

 

“Come on Porter. He's not even gay AND he's dating Essie.”

 

“Answer the question Troy, honesty remember?”

 

“Yes he's hot. You know he's hot and so does everyone else in our school.”

 

“Don't you think it's weird he dates your sister?”

 

“I'm done talking to you about this. You are being ridiculous. Now get over here before I really make you pay for your shitty attitude.” Porter straightened, trying to keep control. He went nuts whenever I laid down the law to him. He loved it. “Get that look off your face. You know I love you. I'm this excited because I haven't had you in almost a week. And there's no way you're leaving here without fixing that. So get over here.” And the matter was dropped, for now.

 

4

 

Basketball season was over, which came as a great relief. I would never have to be in an enclosed area with Sam ever again. Every time I was near him, those three months with him played over and over in my mind. The feelings I had for him and the person I thought he was flooded me. It wasn't so much that he was gay that hurt me. It was that I thought we told each other everything about ourselves. I told him so much, and the whole time he was lying.

 

When I saw Sam kissing Troy, I knew that he wasn't the person that I'd cared so much about. But I couldn't be mad at Sam, he was happy now. I'd thought he was happy with me, but Sam was really just getting by. Troy made Sam happy and I never would. That was okay with me, because I know Sam tried with me. But he can't change who he is or what he wants.

 

Now he wants to be friends. How can I decide if I want to be friends with him when I barely know who he is? I do want him back with me, but where could there ever be room for me when all he ever sees is Troy?

 

“Anna.” I'd been daydreaming about this during dinner. Probably not a good idea, but I think about him wherever I go no matter what I'm doing.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why have you stopped going to the Porter's?” I looked at Jose and then back at my mom. Jose looked more upset than he should. Honestly, I thought he'd be livid that Sam broke it off to be with someone else. Of course I failed to mention that the someone else was a guy, but Jose would probably be even more upset. But considering he wasn't even upset that we broke up, who knows how he'd feel about me dating a gay guy. I laughed a little out loud and everyone stopped to stare at me. Oh, I'd been asked a question.

 

“Mom, why do you care? You didn't bat an eye when I stopped going to Rose's house and I'd been going there for years. I've only been friends with Rochelle and Randy a few months. Now that I'm seeing Rose again, I just don't have time for them.”

 

“That is a terrible thing for you to do Anna. The Porter's liked you so much.”

 

“Mom, let it go. Anna chooses her friends, not you.” Jose had raised his voice and now father was staring at him. He wasn't home very often for dinner and this was certainly not the environment he wanted to eat during.

 

“Anna Marie, let Anna be. Her friends are her own choice. Jose, do not speak to your mother that way.” We finished dinner in silence.

 

Afterwards I went to see Rose at the restaurant. Jose dropped me off without one word about her, which was nice to not be caught in the middle of this anymore. Her parents had been happy to see that we were friends again and didn't mind me hanging around. I picked up an apron and helped Rose finish her work so we could leave early together.

 

“Do you have a lot of homework?” Rose went straight to unpacking her back pack when we got to her house. I thought it would be safe to come over because it was Friday.

 

“Yes. I'm sorry Anna, but this year's work is so much harder than before.”

 

“It's okay, I just wanted to get away. I can't go to the Porters anymore, so there isn't much else for me.” She tried to give me an encouraging smile. “So how are things with Chase? You never talk about him.” I was trying to change the subject. She looked at me for a long time, deciding exactly what she wanted to tell me. Rose was always very careful with her words. Which meant when she did say something you didn't like, it was on purpose.

 

“Really good.” Whatever she was holding in came out and her face brightened into a huge smile.

 

“What are you not telling me?”

 

“Anna I just can't talk you about this. You're Jose's sister and I know you'll always choose him over me. I just can't trust you with everything that has to do with us.” That wasn't necessarily true. If she asked me not to tell something, I wouldn't. “Plus, I know you don't like him.”

 

“I do like him. I even told Jose he was a nice guy.” I wanted Rose to be able to talk to me like she used, so I tried to be convincing.

 

“What did he say?”

 

“He said you didn't know him and that you should go see what he does while you're working.” I had meant to be sarcastic at Jose's dramatic reveal, but Rose was taking me very seriously.

 

“Did he mean Malcolm's parties?”

 

“I don't know. He was obviously being dramatic about it. I'm sure Chase is fine.” Rose wasn't convinced.

“I've been wondering about those parties for awhile. If I go tonight, will you come with me?”

 

“I guess, but I don't know where Malcolm lives.” She smiled so sweetly, she looked like an angel.

 

“But you know someone who does.”

 

“Rose, come on. I've been going out of my way to avoid him.”

 

“Please Anna, you know we can't walk in there alone and uninvited.”

 

“Like anyone will tell either one of us to go away.”

 

“Anna please ask him. It's been weeks for things to cool down. This could be your chance to see if he's the same guy.” Rose was being a little manipulative which was not like her. She really wanted to know what Chase was up to. I owed her still for what happened with Jose, so I said yes and called Sam.

 

Sam thought it would be best if he picked us up and we road together. He didn't mention that we would be riding together in a minivan.

 

“Sorry guys, but it's the most comfortable.”

 

“For what?” Rose must have figured this out faster than me because she did not sound too thrilled. Sam went a little red before answering her, but looking at me. I was riding in front with him and Rose was behind us.

 

“Troy wanted to come with.”

 

“Why?”

 

“He's a supportive friend Anna.” Sam wanted me shut up with Rose in the car. They really did have some sort of real relationship. It felt weird to think about my old Sam being this completely different thing. I was beginning to think this was a bad idea.

 

Troy came out and jumped into the back with Rose. Another car pulled in behind us before we could leave.

 

“Essie and Kevin.” Troy mumbled to no one.

 

“Kevin will want to come.” Sam answered him.

 

“You told him what we were doing Anna?” Rose stayed calm, but I knew she was very upset.

 

“What else was I going to say? I'm sorry Rose. Believe me, we can trust them.” They both looked at me, thinking I was heading in dangerous territory. Rose ignored us and sat back, looking out the widow. Essie and Kevin opened the side door.

 

“Rose? What are you doing here?” Kevin was immediately flushed. He must have a thing for Rose too. Essie didn't seem to notice. She was more concerned with Troy.

 

“What are you guys doing with Anna?” Essie was a bit harsh considering I was sitting right there, but she was just looking out for her brother. We all looked at Rose, wondering if we could tell or what to say if we couldn't. Rose didn't have to look to know that everyone was waiting on her, but she didn't turn to face us.

 

“We're all going to Malcolm's. Do you guys want to come?” Troy was the one to speak, taking control of the situation. Sam looked relieved, Rose was unchanged, and I was grateful. They looked at each other for a minute.

 

“We probably shouldn't. Mitch will probably be there and we haven't really been too public.” Troy caught Kevin's eye and then glance at Rose. Kevin caught on.

 

“Everyone knows you're dating. Suck it up Kevin. You've got to come out sometime.” Kevin didn't look at Essie this time, instead he jumped in behind Rose and Troy.

 

Malcolm had a big house and it was a bit away from the neighbors. That must be how they get away with all the parties. Rose pulled away from the group and walked in first with me almost next to her. It didn't take long to find Chase.

 

He was with a group doing shots in the kitchen. Mixed in with the guys were a few girls drinking with them. I knew of who they were, and what I did know of them wasn't good. They were dressed in very tight, very short clothes. The one closest to Chase had on a very small yellow dress that showed enough to know that if she did have on underwear it was string bikini style. I don't even think she wore a bra.

 

They were all so drunk that they didn't even notice the two of us watching. Rose had grabbed my hand to make sure I didn't dare do anything to attract attention. Her eyes were on the vixen in yellow. I don't think she'd breathed since we came up to the room. Kevin came up behind us and Rose reached back and grabbed him.

 

“Don't you dare.” Rose was practically breathing fire. The girl in yellow kept weaving herself in and around Chase. He wasn't necessarily groping her, but he sure wasn't keeping away from her. I don't know how Rose could watch. Then the worst part finally came. The girl handed Chase another shot, which he eagerly took. While his head was thrown back, the girl put a lime in her mouth, but facing outward. Chase let the glass fall out of his mouth and then put his mouth to the girls, arms around her waist. He didn't kiss her, but quickly took the lime from her mouth, with his, and jerked his head up again. Everyone in the room erupted with laughter and cheers. This was when one of them saw us, well Rose.

 

“Chase, you. . . have a big problem.” Chase was still laughing and didn't even notice the direction of the person's stare. He finally let go to the girl.

 

“What do you mean? I'm ahead by my count.” Chase looked up at his friend. . . drinking buddy? Then he slowly turned around to see us. They must not have been far into the game because Chase seemed less and less drunk as he quickly maneuvered through the crowd to Rose.

 

“Rose, I can't believe you came here.” He was gauging how much we'd seen, or how upset she was. Rose didn't say anything, she didn't even look at him. “We should go outside Rose.” Again she was a statue. “Rose say something.” Chase was starting to panic and so was I. Chase started talking again, but I could hear him, he was right next to her. Nothing he said made any change on her face. Finally Chase grabbed her arm and gently pulled her out of the house. By the time they made it outside, our whole party was assembled. I stayed back with the rest while he tried talking to her. Essie was the first to speak.

 

“What an idiot.”

 

“Essie.” Kevin was upset too, but still backing Chase.

 

“Come on Kevin. He somehow managed to get Rose to go out with him and even sleep with him and now he's feeling all over Taylor Lucas.”

 

“God dam it Essie! Do you ever think about anyone else? Do you not realize who Anna Reya is?” Just about the time he finished saying that my brain processed what she had just said.

 

“What did you say?” Essie's face went cold as she realized what had just happened. “Did you all know?!” My eyes jumped from Troy to Sam to Kevin and then rested on Essie. I hated her for shouting out what she must have known was supposed to be an absolute secret. Kevin immediately started doing damage control.

 

“Anna he loves her I swear. He just has a problem with drinking. This isn't who he is I swear. Honestly if I'd know he was even capable of this I would never have let Rose see what she saw. I didn't know how bad he'd gotten. I'm with Essie all the time, and you heard us, we never go to parties. Please don't tell Jose.” Now I was just angry at everyone and everything. Isn't it enough that Jose ruined her entire future, but now she's with some alcoholic sex maniac!”

 

“I should tell Jose. I should tell him and let him kill Chase for what he's done to her.” I was shouting so loud that even Rose had heard me. I'm not sure when she'd snapped out of her trance or how much she'd said to Chase. Now she was grabbing me and shaking me.

 

“Anna promise me you won't tell him about anything. Anna please.” I was crying now because I was scared of what was happening to her. She was worried about Chase. After all of this she still wanted him.

 

“Why Rose? He's nothing, why can't you see that. He'll never be anything or do anything. He doesn't even understand how to love you.”

 

“This is why I can't be your friend. You're always going to want to run to Jose and tell him every little thing that I do. You're always going to want me to be with him. Anna I will never be with him again! He ripped my heart out and stabbed it a hundred times with a knife! And if you think what Chase did tonight is anything compared to what your brother did, then you better think again!” Then she looked back at Chase, who was a few feet behind her. “And if you think I love you like I love him then you just better think again.” Rose walked away from all of us. Chase went to follow, but Kevin grabbed him.

 

“Porter.” Sam tossed Kevin the keys and he went after Rose.

 

After Kevin and Rose left, we split into pairs. Troy took Essie away from me and Sam stayed near. Chase was standing still, in the same spot he was when Rose yelled at him. We were all stuck until Kevin brought the van back. Well, except for Chase.

 

As soon as the van was in sight, Chase was jogging towards it. Kevin got out and the two of them were talking. Kevin looked angry and Chase just looked weak. He kept grabbing his hair and pacing around. Finally Chase walked to his car and we could get in the van.

 

The ride to Troy and Essie's was silent. Everyone got out of the car, except Sam and myself. I slid into the front seat as Sam drove away.

 

“Will she be okay?”

 

“I don't know Porter and I'll never know. She's not going to speak to me again. I don't blame her. I feel like running to Jose and telling him everything, but I know I can't. Rose would hate me, but at least Chase would get what he deserves.”

 

“So you don't secretly want Jose and Rose to get back together?” I didn't think of a lie, instead I just answered him.

 

“Of course that's what I want. They're perfect together, but you heard her. She won't take him back. Besides, he's getting serious with Mandy.” He must have been done asking questions because we rode nearly the rest of the way in silence. Just before we reached my street, he spoke the words I was hoping he wouldn't.

 

“It's not the same without you around Anna.”

 

“I find it hard to believe that your family is really suffering right now.”

 

“They are. I know you don't understand why, but we all really do miss you.”

 

“Come on Sam. You have your Troy and I'm sure everything's great. But what I had was you, who left me, and then Rose for a weeks, but thanks to Chase and Essie, I've lost her too.

 

“Anna you can still have everything you had with me. I know there was other stuff, but we were always more friends than anything, weren't we?” We'd reached my house and both of us got out of the car. I tried to walk ahead of him, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. “Anna I know I have Troy, but I've been without you long enough to know that I need you too. I can't talk to him about everything and I really wish I had someone to talk to about him. My sisters would never understand it. Isn't there any part of you that misses me, needs me back?”

 

“Of course there is, but I don't know how I'll feel about everything. Will I be jealous when I see you two or am I already over that part of you?” We were standing in front of my door now, still hand in hand. He let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me. It felt nice to have him hold me so tight and I was squeezing back just as hard. Suddenly the front door opened and both of our heads jerked to the sound. It was my mom. My instinct was to pull away, but Sam had locked his down on me.

 

“What are you doing Anna?”

 

“Saying goodnight to Sam.” My mother looked paler than I'd ever seen her. Was it such a shock to see me with a boy? Hadn't she realized what we had been to each other? Sam still wasn't moving, but staring coldly at my mom.

 

“Are you okay Sam?” Slowly he looked back at me, but didn't let up on my waist.

 

“Say you'll see me again. Please forgive me Anna.”

 

“Okay, we'll try it.” Sam relaxed a little then pulled me in very close to whisper to me.

 

“I'm sorry Anna, but I have to do this.” His lips whipped away from my ear and then landed on mine. It was nice to feel them again, but I knew it wasn't real. Sam didn't want to kiss me, but why else would he do it? Finally he let go and I went into the house.

 

5

 

As soon as Anna turned from me, I glared at her mom. What kind of woman could she possibly be? How could you be married but have a child with someone else? Once everyone was out of sight I ran to the side of the house and lost it.

 

After I'd found out Anna was my sister, I couldn't imagine ever kissing her again. But tonight I had to. I had to show her mother what her lies had done to us. This kiss may have been planned and with full knowledge of what we were, but there were so many others that hadn't been. So many others that'd I'd wanted to lead to more and on a few occasions had. I was heaving even more remembering the nights I'd found satisfaction thinking about her.

 

“That was dangerous Porter.” Jose was standing behind me. For how long I don't know.

 

“Anna should know Jose. I promised you I wouldn't tell, but that doesn't mean I can't try to make our parents tell her.” I'd said the words naturally, but hearing them sounded strange.

 

“They're arguing now. You can imagine how irate my mother is, but she can't tell Anna why.” He chuckled a little and I relaxed and stood up. “I can't imagine how hard that was for you to do.”

 

“She's going to hate me when she finds out.” Finding out about Troy would be nothing in comparison.

 

“Nah, she'll forgive you, if you stop messing around and win her back.”

 

“I'm trying.”

 

“No you're not. Tonight's the first time you've even talked to her and that's because she called you.”

 

“How'd you know that?”

 

“I didn't, but I do now. Maybe you can give Troy a break and work on things with Anna. I don't want you to get mad, because I've seen how you two feel about each other. But what you have with him won't last forever. When it does end, who will you have left? Who even knows about the two of you?” Jose was making me think about things I didn't want to think about. I was already driving myself mad worrying about him and other guys. Straight or not, I didn't even want him having any other guy friends.

 

“Family is everything Porter and Anna is your family. She'll be there for you, but you have to show her you're the same guy you were months ago.”

 

“What if I'm not?”

 

“I think she'll like this guy too. I better go back in and try to help her out. Because. . . that's what we do.”

 

He left and I drove back to Troy's house. We all definitely needed to have a talk. Kevin, Essie, and Troy were all waiting for me in the living room. Essie and Kevin were sitting on different pieces of furniture and Troy was leaning against the wall. I honed in on Essie.

 

“Why did you do that Essie? Don't tell me you didn't know exactly what you were doing.”

 

“I didn't realize Anna was still there.”

 

“Anna is never going to get to speak with Rose again because you decided to announce to everyone that Rose and Chase are sleeping together.”

 

“Why is it such a big deal?” Kevin snapped his head around and charge across the room at her.

 

“It doesn't matter why Essie. Chase told me because I'm his best friend and the only person Rose let him tell. I told you because I thought . . .never mind what I thought.” Kevin may be giving up, but I wasn't.

 

“What's to say you won't go blabbing about Troy and me to everyone at the next party we're at?” Essie went to speak, but Troy jumped in first.

 

“Porter.” It was like a lord ordering a serf. I back off of her immediately, turning my glare to him.

 

“Let's go to your house tonight. They need to be alone.” That was probably a bad idea, but I was so angry with my father that I almost hoped he'd be a jerk when I got home. Troy was ushering me to the door, but I stopped him before he could get me out.

 

“You know Essie, you used to be nice. In fact, I thought you were one of the nicest girls I'd met during those years you dated Mitch. But ever since this. . .” I waved my hand between them, “you've been a ruthless bitch.” Now I was staring at Kevin. “How could you even take her back after the way she treated your brother?” Kevin was just staring at me. Troy pulled harder on me but I wouldn't budge. “Really Kevin I don't care what he told you, he's your brother. And she had sex with him just to get you back. That's sick.”

 

“That's enough Porter. Troy was using his full strength now to shove me through the doorway. We both got into the van and slammed the doors. I pulled away quickly, trying to focus on the road.

 

“You can't go after Essie Porter, she's my only sister. She's the only thing that I have in this world, the only thing that I care about other than you.”

 

“That's a little hypocritical isn't Troy? Essie can ruin a friendship between my sister and her best friend, and everything's just great.”

 

“I didn't say that, but it's not your job to punish her. Kevin will talk to Essie and he'll decide what she deserves.”

 

“Maybe I should turn around and drop you back off Troy, with Essie and Kevin.”

 

“Porter!” Before he went on, he stopped and took a couple deep breaths. “I can't be without you. So no matter what I say or how mad I make you, remember that. I'm here because I can't stand being away from you.” His words instantly lightened the strain I was feeling everywhere. Even at my worst he loved me. “But if you turn into one of those possessive boyfriends that doesn't allow me to have anyone in my life but them, I can't guarantee I'll always feel like that. And as far as Kevin is concerned, he is my friend. He's going to be my friend for as long as I say. He isn't a threat to us, therefore you have no reason to make me stop being his friend. Find somewhere for us to stop.”

 

“What do you mean, why?”

 

“Because you're completely stressed and if we're going to spend the night together at your house, you need to unwind some. There's no way I'm risking anything around your family.” That sounded great to me. I didn't look long before pulling down an empty side street. The van had tinted windows anyway.

 

By the time we made it to my house my mood was a complete one eighty. The lights were off so I took Troy upstairs.

 

“I have to tell my parents I'm home and that you're with me. Otherwise they might come check on me later.” I walked slowly across the house to my parents' room and creaked open the door.

 

“Dad I'm home.” He was awake still, but my mom was snoring.

 

“Samuel we need to talk about Anna.”

 

“Can we do it tomorrow? Troy's here.” No doubt her mom had told him everything. I was not in the mood for this. I could feel my good mood slipping away as my dad searched for the words to use next.

 

“We can't put it off any longer than that.” By the time I marched back to the room, I was more angry than I'd been all night. All the feelings I'd felt when I first learned about Anna came flooding back. Kissing her tonight didn't help much.

 

“What happened?” Troy was sitting on the bed, waiting for me to come back. I sat down next to him, dreading what I had to tell him.

 

“Anna's mom came out when we were saying goodbye. I sort of snapped.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I kissed Anna. Nothing too gross, but enough to make me get sick on the side of the house anyway. I just wanted that woman to panic, to be punished for what she let happen between us. Part of me also hoped she would tell Anna so I didn't have to keep lying. Apparently her mom talked to my dad already because he wants to `talk' about Anna.” Troy put his arm around me and I let myself sink in to him. “At least she agreed to see me again.”

 

“She did?” He sounded surprised. Maybe he thought she couldn't get over this. He didn't know her like I did.

 

“Yeah, I'm not sure when, but I hope soon.”

 

I took Troy home early the next day. That way he wouldn't be there when my dad wanted to talk and Essie would probably be asleep, letting me avoid another conflict with her. I was still really pissed at her. Hopefully Kevin had grown a backbone and put her in her place. If Troy had ever done something like that to me, I'm not sure how I would react.

 

“When I came back, I made coffee and waited for my father to come down. He was the first person up so we would have time alone to talk. He got a cup for himself and sat across from me. We stared at each other across the table for a few minutes before he talked. I'm not sure what he thought I would say.

 

“How long have you been seeing Anna?”

 

“We dated for a few months, then we broke it off. Now we're thinking of giving it another shot.” I wanted him to squirm with the thought of what his two children might have done together.

 

“It's not a good idea for you to date her.”

 

“Why?” I was dying to hear his excuse.

 

“She's not white.” The statement was a shock on so many levels. First of all, she was technically white. And second, my dad love Anna, I'd seen as much in the time she was here, so it must have hurt him to speak of her like that. He was willing to go to great lengths to keep us away from each other.

 

“Come on dad, you can do better than that. Do you really expect me to believe I'm only allowed to date white girls? Is that the best you and Anna's mother could think of?” Then I had the pleasure of watching my father turn white, then green, then red. “That's right dad, I know about Anna and I have to say the whole thing makes me sick. To think the whole time you were being our dad, you had another kid who you had nothing to do with. What kind of bastard are you?”

 

“Lower your voice Samuel. What if your mother or sisters hear?”

 

“You should have thought about that before you had a child with another woman. You don't seem to get it. I hate you for this. I hate you for how I feel about myself now that I know who she is and how I felt about her. I hate you most of all for how much pain you're going to cause her when she finds out.” He looked as if I hadn't even talked to him.

 

“Does she have any idea?”

 

“I don't think so, but she should.”

 

“I think so too, but Anna Marie doesn't want her to know. Can you believe she'd keep my daughter from me?” Had he even heard me? How could he be thinking about Anna after what I'd said?

 

“Samuel I'm sorry for what happened with you and Anna. How could I know you two would get along so well? Things didn't go too far, right? It'll be okay.” My mouth was hanging open at my dad's way of brushing all that had happened under the rug. As if fantasizing sexually about your sister is no big deal. “It's just that I love Anna and I want her back in our lives where she belongs. If she can accept us, maybe Jose can too.”

 

“What does Jose have to do with anything?” His eyes raised to meet mine, a slight look of shock on his face.

 

“I'd thought you would have figured out who he was before Anna.”

 

“I didn't figure out anything. Jose told me about Anna weeks ago.” Dad was smiling now, a proud smile.

 

“He is smart, isn't he?”

 

“Why are you going on about Jose? Do you think he'll make it difficult for Anna to be around us?”

 

“Son, don't you know your own brother by now?” The room started to spin as I tried to take it in. So many questions ran through my head. Why was my dad letting someone else raise his kids? Why did he even have kids with her? Why did he marry my mom? What was wrong with him to think that we could all just be some happy family? “I know you must have so many questions for me, but I want to start by telling you that your mother and I are separating. I've wasted too many years away from my children. I want to be a part of their lives. I can't ask your mother to be part of that. She's already suffered enough.”

 

“Did she know?”

 

“About the affair, yes. Not about our children. I'm not sure when I'll be able to tell her about that.”

 

“Are you going to tell Anna and Jose then?”

 

“What do you think?”

 

“I think they'll never want to be part of a family with you. I've had you my whole life and I don't want to be in a family with you anymore.”

 

“Sam come on, I need you for this. The girls will do what you do.” I stood up and pushed my chair in.

 

“Then you're going to be all alone."

 

As soon as I left him I called Jose. I was tired of being alone in this. We made arrangements to meet that night, though I hadn't told him why.

 

6

 

It didn't surprise me to see Kevin's car when I came home. My dad was home too, so Kevin must have went home and then come back. The Rose and Chase incident was incredibly bad timing. Our mother was getting out tomorrow and we had to pick her up. Essie was already planning on not going. She was still upset from our visit a couple weeks ago. Essie didn't want her to come home, and surprisingly neither did dad. We found her a halfway house to stay in, but we still needed to bring her home. Having her back was really going to complicate things.

 

Hopefully Kevin and Essie made up because I really wasn't looking forward to going alone. The better mood Essie was in, the more likely she would be to go with me. When I came in, the three were assembled in the living room.

 

“Have you changed your mind about tomorrow?”

 

“No. I don't want anything to do with her.”

 

“Since when Essie? You're the one always dragging me there. Don't let one bad visit change that.”

 

“It wasn't just one bad visit. I've been pretending for years for her and I'm done. I'm done with her Troy. You're on your own.” I looked at my dad. He was watching the TV, apparently this was between us. Then I turned to Kevin.

 

“Can I talk to you?” He nodded and hopped up, following me to my room. Essie sulked down in the couch. She hated being excluded. I closed the door and we both sat down. “So?”

 

“She won't change her mind. I've tried man, sorry.”

 

“And last night?”

 

“We're still dealing with that.” It wasn't my place to pry any more than that. My phone starting ringing with Porter's tone. I wasn't quite done talking to him, so I asked him to wait.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey I'm going to be late tonight.”

 

“Why?”

 

“ I need to meet with Jose.”

 

“Again, why?”

 

“Can we please talk about it later, please.”

 

“Whatever Porter, just make sure you show up tonight.” I hung up and looked back at Troy. “Are you sure she won't come tomorrow. I can't imagine getting her alone.”

 

“She's not coming Troy. We have enough problems right now without me bothering her about that.”

 

“All right. Thanks.” Our conversation was ending and we both stood up.

 

“You know, I don't mind going.”

 

“Just us? What about Essie?”

 

“She'll get over it.” I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It had never occurred to me that he would volunteer. Porter had made it clear on the last visit that he wanted nothing to do with my mother, so I never thought Kevin would go without Essie.

 

“Thank you Kevin. I mean it and I owe you again now.”

 

“Someday I'll collect. That's a promise.” He left and I changed for work.

 

I was working the afternoon shift, so I took my dad's car. When I got home, the house was pretty quite. Dad was still sleeping and Essie was gone, probably at work too. I crawled into bed and slept, having got little sleep the night before.

 

Porter was waking me up, in one of my favorite ways, hours later, or at least I hoped.

 

“Is my dad gone?”

 

He nodded a little, but didn't stop. I sat back and enjoyed the moment. We messed around for awhile before I asked him how the talk with his dad went.

 

“We didn't get a chance to talk.” He shifted away from me a little, a sign that he was lying to me. It was pretty easy for me to tell when Porter lied.

 

“Why not?”

 

“My mom woke up first and we just weren't alone together.”

 

“Are you staying then?”

 

“Yeah.” I didn't push him. He wasn't lying about anything that would hurt our relationship so I let him keep his secret for now. But I hoped he'd tell me soon or we would have some problems.

 

“The next day, Kevin was over early. He had decided not to stay the night, but I didn't ask why. We made small talk most of the way. At the facility we did the usual routine before being escorted to the reception area instead of the waiting area.

 

“May I help you?” The women was unpleasant and seemed to think we were here to waste her time.

 

“We're here to pick up Samantha Akers.” She picked up a chart and looked the name.

 

“Samantha Akers checked out this morning. But she did leave you something”

 

“Where did she go?”

 

“Once they leave our facility, we no longer know their whereabouts.” I couldn't think of anything to say or do. My mother had just left us, again. Kevin grabbed the note and led me out to the car.

 

“Are you going to read it?” I took the note away from it and read it slowly, not wanting to miss anything. When I was finished I crumpled it up and threw it away. “What did it say?” Kevin's voice rang in my head from somewhere. I realized we had yet to get in the car and walked to my side. Before I could ever open the door my knees dropped and I was leaning on the car. Kevin came around to my side and took my arm. I jerked away and started beating the car. Kevin caught my arm with greater strength that I thought he had.

 

“That's my car dude. What did the letter say?”

 

“What do you think it said? She's gone and we get a letter. It means she's not coming back. Which isn't even that big of a deal. What matters is why she isn't coming back.” I slid down the car and sat on the ground. “She doesn't want to go straight.'

 

“She said that?”

 

“She didn't have to. I know my mom and I know junkies. This time she's not even going to bother pretending to care about us.” I gathered myself and got in the car. The entire way home I was calling or texting Porter. He needed to be there when I got back. But he never answered me. Kevin pretended to be interested in the road and ignored my mania. I didn't say goodbye as I got out. At least I didn't slam anything until I hit my bedroom. Essie was still working and I was all alone. Things were flying and I didn't even know I had tears until I saw myself in the mirror. A second later, the mirror was broken. Kevin came bursting in.

 

“Calm down Troy.”

 

“Calm down Kevin. You have no idea what this feels like. Mother's are supposed to love their kids more than anything! Mine doesn't. Mine won't even see me. Mine loves drugs! Can you imagine how much that hurts?” My energy was gone and fell to the bed. I couldn't yell or even think anymore. Kevin sat next to me, slowly. He put his arm around me and leaned into him. I pretended he was the person I really needed and held him tight. I can't imagine what went through his mind as held me in my sobbing. But he didn't let go and he didn't make a sound. We stayed like that for a long time. So long I let my eyes close and drift away.

 

7

 

Choosing a restaurant as a meeting place seemed like a stupid idea as I was trying to figure out how to tell Jose what my father had said. Jose was sitting across from me, waiting for me to spit it out.

 

“Can you control your temper or should we leave here?” The last thing I needed was a public outburst.

 

“I can be in control. Now tell me what's so important.”

“I talked to my dad today. He didn't deny anything. In fact he had a few surprises.”

 

“How does he feel about Anna?” He wasn't at all concerned about the rest of our conversation, though he really should be.

 

“He cares about her, wants to be part of her life.” Jose snorted and I thought it was a good time to go ahead. “He thinks you're his son too.” Part of me wanted to duck in case a salt shaker came flying across the table.

 

“How could I possibly be his? I don't care how long they've been dating, I have zero white features.” Jose had already been considering this.

 

“I know, but he was really convinced. Maybe it's time you talk to your mother.”

 

“No. Not till I'm sure.”

 

“You're really calm Jose.”

 

“Because I know he's not my dad. Look at us. Do we look like brothers?” We turned our faces to the window and stared. I'd never tried to find a resemblance between us and this window was not the best place to start.”

 

“But we still have to be sure.”

 

“Yeah. How about a DNA test?”

 

“We'll have to involve my dad. We can't do it without him.”

 

“Can you talk to him, make the arrangements? I just don't know if I can be around him yet.”

 

“Sure. I'll call you and let you know.” When I left the restaurant, I checked my phone. It'd been on silent, so I'd missed Troy's calls and texts. Something was very wrong. I rushed over to his and busted through the door. He wasn't anywhere so I walked down to his room. They were laying together on the bed, but I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

 

“Troy.” I tried to keep an even face, but I was ready to fall apart. Suddenly the idea that something was going on didn't seem so extreme anymore. There are tons of straight guys that dabble once in awhile. I've seen Queer As Folk. Troy may not be Brian, but he definitely had a certain sex appeal. And if Kevin thought Essie was hot, he already had one foot in the door. “Troy.” I spoke a little louder and they both moved. Troy opened his eyes and looked up. It took him a moment to realize what was going on. Kevin was up too and they both started to untangle.

 

“You called me several times. What the hell is going on?” Kevin didn't miss the thoughts that were streaming through my head.”

 

“You cannot be serious Porter.” Kevin sounded tired and uninterested in all of this. Maybe it wasn't what it looked like. Instead of making me feel better, it pissed me off.

 

“Don't give me that attitude Kevin when I catch you guys lying together in bed.”

 

“I wouldn't even be here if you would have went with him today or at least answered you phone when he called you. “

 

“You have no idea Kevin so just stop acting like you do.” Kevin wanted to respond, but Troy beat him.

 

“Kevin just go. Thanks for today, but it's better if you go.” Kevin grabbed his coat and left us alone. “There is nothing going on Porter. I know it looked weird, but he was just being nice.”

 

“Why would you need him to be nice?”

 

“Because my mom wasn't there today. She'd left before we got there. But she did leave me a note. She said she wouldn't be far, but she didn't want to go where she wasn't wanted.” I went to him immediately, forgetting all the anger I was feeling. Troy was barely keeping it together. “The worst part is, that I think the real reason she didn't come home was because she knew she wouldn't get any money from us. That's all we ever were, a way to get her drugs.”

 

“Not always Troy. She loved you once, even if it was a long time ago. Your mom is just screwed up from all the drugs.”

 

“There's no excuse Porter.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I don't want to talk about it anymore.” And he meant it. He was using me and sex to cover his pain and I had to let him. Right now was all about him, so I kept still and quiet as he beat against me, taking out the anger. There was nothing sweet or sexy about it, but I could understand why he needed it.