Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Tough Old Birds ❯ Berry-Picking, Goldfish, & Degrassi ( Chapter 4 )

Chapter 4: “Berry-Picking, Goldfish, & Degrassi”

 

 

 

For the past week, Chi-Chi and Gilligan had been living as a part of the White household. It had been strange at first, for Lily refused to speak to either of them. However, after the first two days, she decided that it wasn't worth the effort, as the duo would merely say rude things to her and laugh at her reddening face. She still kept to herself most of the time, and if she wasn't cooking she was locked in her room. Arbutus explained that she was a devout Catholic, and spent a lot of time in meditative prayer. This made Chi-Chi laugh.

 

Evie didn't seem to think that Gregory (Previously, she had referred to `her' as Lucinda, but Gilligan quickly explained that he was very much a male elephant, because of his long tusks and yellow colouring, and Evie had adopted the name of Gregory as well.) was ever leaving, and she and Gilligan spent most of their time playing dolls together and taking Gregory on adventures.

 

The house had prior been used as a place for servants and workers of a large farm to sleep. For this reason, the entire upper level consisted of bedrooms, and Chi-Chi and Gilligan were allowed to take their pick. Arbutus informed them that the farmhouse itself, as well as the barn, had burned down decades ago. However, they still owned the 4-dozen-or-so acres of land the house was set on, and the various fields made a delightful playground for Evie and her new friend Gilligan.

 

Chi-Chi was more reserved than usual; tired from travel and yearning for a smoke and some beer. Unfortunately, Arbutus and Lily did not allow such `despicable habits' in their household, but Arbutus was kind enough to buy Chi-Chi a box of nicotine patches and he had been coaching her through quitting.

 

“That's it! These ugly band-aids aren't doing anything!” Chi-Chi hollered one day as she came down to breakfast. “I'll die if this keeps up! I'm going into town today to buy me some fags!”

 

The other four members of the household looked up expectantly. Lily pursed her lips. Gilligan spooned marmalade into her coffee. Evie just stared.

 

“What's a fag?” she asked.

 

“It's a—“

 

“That's enough!” said Lily, a shaky hand over her heart.

 

“Just trying to `splain.” Gilligan mumbled. She took a moody sip of her coffee and brightened. “Is this from Africa or something?” she remarked. “S'fruity. Want some, Gregory?”

 

While she busied herself spooning coffee with marmalade onto Gregory's plush, one-eyed face, Arbutus was watching Chi-Chi closely as she itched at the nicotine patch on her arm.

 

“Chi-Chi, come over here.”

 

“Why?” she demanded, walking around the table towards him anyways.

 

“I just want to see something.” He said gently.

 

He reached out for her arm and studied the red, irritated skin around the nicotine patch.

 

“I believe it has triggered an allergic reaction.” Arbutus told her.

 

“What? Is that even possible? Why don't they say something on the label! Damn them! Damn Nicoderm! Damn damn damn!” She cursed thunderously.

 

Lily was holding her hands over the ears of her visibly intrigued daughter.

 

“Ahem. Well let's take it off, at least. You're just going to have to quit cold turkey, Chi. I'm real sorry.”

 

For the smallest fraction of a second, Chi-Chi looked ready to cry. She blinked and then scowled.

 

“I hate this.” She grumbled quietly.

 

“I know.”

 

 

 

The next day, Arbutus came home from work with news.

 

“My son is going to stay with us next week.” He said warmly.

 

“How lovely!” cried Gilligan, as she and Evie bathed Gregory in a plastic bucket. She squeezed soap out of his soft, plush arm, her glasses sliding down her nose.

 

“Who? Daisy?” asked Chi-Chi rudely.

 

“Echinacea,” he corrected. “Will be here tomorrow.”

 

“Cool!” Said Evie, brushing Gregory's `fur'.

 

“No, no! You're brushing him the wrong way!” Gilligan interjected. She quickly hijacked the brush (which was in fact an ancient curry comb they found in the basement) and showed Evie the correct way to brush him. “You gotta brush the way the fur grows.” She said sagely.

 

“Oh…” said Evie in realization.

 

“Idiots.” Said Chi-Chi.

 

“Right.” Arbutus said uncomfortably. “I'll go…help with dinner.”

 

 

 

The doorbell rang at 9 o'clock on Sunday morning. Lily was at church with Evie. Arbutus answered the door.

 

“Echinacea, you're here! Marvelous! You can meet the girls.”

 

“The girls?” asked the young man with interest.

 

“Chi-Chi and Gilligan are here visiting. It's…a long story. Well come in, come in.”

 

Arbutus ushered him into the kitchen and took his bag. Chi-Chi and Gilligan were at the table; still eating breakfast, and they both looked up expectantly with squares of wheat toast dangling from their mouths.

Arbutus's son was striking, for two reasons. The first reason was that he was breathtakingly handsome. He had sleek dirty blonde hair, a straight nose, dazzling green eyes, and (although it was hard to be sure, for he was wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans) he seemed to be in the shape of his life.

The second reason was that he bore only a single token of resemblance to his father. He had Arbutus's green eyes. However, every other feature from his cheekbones to tanned skin to his delicate hands was completely alien. However, there was no doubt that his mother (wherever she was) was very beautiful.

This impeccable specimen of a man floored even Gilligan, and the breakfasting women stared at him in silence, the toast in their gaping mouths rapidly soggying with drool.

 

A plop of raspberry preserve (seedless, just how Chi-Chi liked it) broke the silence as it fell from her lipstick-coated maw. She chewed.

 

Gilligan blinked three times in rapid succession, shook herself, then reverted to her position as the killer of awkward silences.

 

“'Ello!” waved Gilligan, loudly swallowing her toast whole. The impressive maneuver was executed in a fashion eerily like that of an anaconda, excluding the unhinging of her jaw. She licked jam from her fingers.

 

Chi-Chi chewed extra loud in greeting.

 

Echinacea smiled unsurely. “Hello,” he said. “I'm Arby's son, Echinacea.”

 

Gilligan offered him a square of toast.

 

“He's your son?!” Chi-Chi hollered inquisitively. How could they possibly be related? Well…maybe the green eyes…but they look nothing alike!

 

“Remember?” questioned Arbutus in desperation. “I told you he was coming to visit, last week.”

 

“Oh.” They said.

 

“Yes.” He said.

 

“So…” Echinacea propositioned with a sparkle. “Can't imagine you girls like shopping?”

 

 

 

It wasn't until 7 o'clock that they returned, loaded with purchases.

 

“I love your son!” hooted Gilligan as they entered the house. The shoppers stood with overflowing Marshall's bags, glowing with victory. Arbutus and Lily came into the living room to greet them.

 

“Hey dad. Hey Aunt Lily.” Greeted Echinacea cheerily.

 

“Moses was wrong! Screw `a land flowing with milk and honey'! Marshall's is better! Think about it! A land flowing with brand-name shoes and discount clothing!” exclaimed Chi-Chi.

 

“Amen to that!” roared Gilligan, laughing hysterically.

 

Chi-Chi slapped her five. “I can't believe you just made a joke!” she hollered in disbelief. “Are you…getting smarter?” A look of fear instantly replaced her laughter.

 

“I hope not!” cried Gilligan, neatly disproving the idea.

 

Lily looked horrified at their slander of Moses, and ran off to her room, most likely to pray for their souls.

 

“Good day, then?” asked Arbutus.

 

“Oh yeah.” Chi-Chi grinned like the Cheshire cat. The Cheshire cat who had been smoking for the majority of its life. “Oh yeah.”

 

 

Echinacea had been with them for a week, and showed no signs of a departure to come. Gilligan couldn't be bothered, as they both enjoyed an afternoon sitting in the living room, listening to the Jackson 5 and reading preteen fashion magazines. It seemed they also shared an affection for Amanda Bynes and her new clothing line. Chi-Chi didn't care for him. He was just too perfect. Tall and handsome, with a warm smile, and a soft demeanor; he was her worst nightmare. Probably gay, too, She thought with a shudder. Newfangled freak. Unfortunately, he seemed intent on being friends, and refused to leave her alone; constantly chatting with her, touching her arm, making her breakfast. He was a demon, in other words.

 

However, Gilligan, Echinacea, and a reluctant Chi-Chi spent lots of time going shopping, ordering Chinese food (when Chi-Chi threatened to ditch them), and watching Degrassi with Arbutus. They all loved Degrassi, even though only Gilligan would admit it. Lily thought it was disgusting, and carefully arranged things so that her and Evie could make tea and do yoga during Degrassi. Gilligan and Chi-Chi painted each other's nails, they all ate Goldfish and popcorn and grapes, and Echinacea displayed his superhuman ability to correctly hypothesize the next plotline during the commercial breaks.

 

“Okay, Paige is in trouble now. She should not go to the party! Do you know what's going to happen? Something horrible!”

 

“You're losing your touch! She'll just hook up with Dean or Diana or whatever his name is! It'll be fine!” Chi-Chi argued.

 

“Do they show that?” wondered Arbutus.

 

“I'm telling you, after this commercial break, disaster will strike!”

 

“Oh, come on!”

 

“What happened to my Goldfish? Did you see my Goldfish crackers, Chinny?”

 

“I ate them, you moron. You know, the Parmesan ones are decent. I still like good old Cheddar though. Mmm mm good,” said Chi-Chi as she popped the last few into her mouth.

 

“No! Nooooo!” came Gilligan's scream of horror. “Those are mine!”

 

“Shut up, it's on!”

 

 

Now, the trio was taking a break from “being cooped up” inside the house. Evie was napping, Arbutus was working, and Lily had all-but-thrown them out of the house, handing them each a tin pail and demanding that they pick berries.

 

“Don't come back until you have enough for a pie!” she shouted, her voice hoarse from the effort involved in reaching such a volume. She then proceeded to lock them out of the house.

 

The three stood in dull silence for a moment, the sun beating down on them like a drum.

 

Chi-Chi shoved a pail at Gilligan. “Pick berries.” She growled. Gilligan gave her a breathtaking white smile and bounded off like a rabbit in the brush, swinging her tin pail with newfound energy. Chi-Chi rolled her eyes and spun around to hit the wall that was Echinacea's muscular stomach. Reeling in neatly masked shock, she backed away and looked up at him expectantly.

 

“Can I help you?” She asked sarcastically. He shuffled his feet and swallowed.

 

“There's something I've been meaning to tell you, for a while.”

 

“Oh?” Chi-Chi snorted. Probably had to make returns from he and Gilligan's last shopping trip. Couldn't he drive?

 

Echinacea paused uncomfortably, then exhaled and swallowed Chi-Chi's tiny gnarled hands up in his own young, clean ones.

 

“You see…Oh, Chinny, I…I love you.”

 

She stiffened. “What did you just say?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Not that!” She snapped impatiently. “What the hell did you just call me?”

 

Echinacea looked bewildered, then mortified as she yanked her hands from his.

“I called you…Chinny. That's what Flora called you.” He pointed to Gilligan, who was romping through the bushes with blueberries smashed across her face, her empty pail swinging around her arm. “Isn't that your name?” He asked cautiously. Gilligan hooted in the distance, and there was a clamor as her pail hit the side of the house.

 

“My name is Chi-Chi, you stupid idiot!” She said curtly. “Who the hell is Flora, anyways?”

 

Echinacea shakily pointed to Gilligan again, and he looked close to tears. She followed his arm with squinted eyes.

 

“You mean Gilligan?” She guffawed in a rare moment of unabashed amusement. She emitted a loud, raucous laugh that was similar-sounding and almost as frightening as her yelling. Echinacea's former terror had transformed into a look of starry-eyed infatuation. He blinked back tears and laughed along with her, his light, cheery laugh clashing horribly with her masculine roaring.

 

Lily's anxious face appeared in the window. “What's all this commotion?” she cried. No one heard her.

 

Chi-Chi ceased her laughing suddenly, and stared at him. She looked prepared to begin another bout of hollering, but surprised them both. “Aren't you gay?” she asked, clearly puzzled.

 

“What made you think that?” asked Echinacea in horror. What have I done?!

 

“Well…the shopping…and the outfits…and the…” Chi-Chi trailed off.

 

Echinacea looked crestfallen. “My playboy reputation is at stake!” he whispered loudly to himself.

 

“What was that?” asked Chi-Chi suspiciously.

 

“Oh nothing. I'll…I'll see you later. Chi-Chi.” He announced.

 

Chi-Chi looked at him guiltily.

 

Just call me Chidori.” She grumbled quietly, blushing. Why did I just tell him my full name? What the hell are you doing, Chi-Chi, you moron!

 

Echinacea grinned, brightening instantly. “What a lovely name! I will indeed!” He grabbed her gnarled, vein-rippled hand to kiss it tenderly, looking up at her with his sparkling green eyes. He left her abruptly with a bow and a pronounced skip in his step.

 

Chi-Chi didn't even attempt to suppress her grimace, his romantic chivalry completely lost on her. What did I just do? I must be mad. No one knows my full name, why did I just tell this idiot? She itched behind her ear and toddled off to sit in the grass where she could see Gilligan, and easily yell at her.

 

For the first time in her life, Chi-Chi wished she had someone to talk to. But who the hell could she talk to? She didn't like friends. She didn't have a family. She didn't like the idea of relying on someone else. She was tougher than that. That's right! I don't need anyone! She thought angrily.

 

She came very close to walking into a door. When had she gotten up? When had she come inside?

 

She was standing in front of Arbutus's bedroom door. She knocked.

 

 

For the first time in his life, Echinacea had been rejected. And by his first real love. What a mess. How could she think I'm gay? I don't give off vibes do I? He picked at his soft linen pants self-consciously. So what if I shop? He defended. I didn't buy anything embarrassing!

 

He thought back to his new cashmere sweaters. His cowboy boots, his scarf.

 

And he realized something.

 

Oh poo.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note: Lots of editing to be done. I apologize. Please review!