Other Fan Fiction ❯ Advance Wars Drabbles 5 Option Mix ❯ First Five ( Chapter 1 )

 

Advance Wars Drabbles Five Option Mix

By Hiro Konobu

 

“Truthfully this idea came up when I was talking to someone about Advance Wars the other day just random sketch comedy from most of the Advance Wars characters, and I don't own anything except my fics, though in this version I'm posting them five chapters at a time.”

 

1-Backdraft Rhythm

 

(We see Jake just listening to his music at Orange Star headquarters two Orange Star soldiers are behind his back talking…let's just call them Mike and Carlos)

 

“You know I heard rumors that whenever Jake doesn't his headphones he goes crazy.” Mike said to his friend.

 

“I heard that Jake also manages to draw crude pictures of the other CO's mainly Kindle.” Carlos said back to his buddy.

 

“I think that would be obvious to why no one likes her you know with her being stuck up and all.” Mike said to Carlos.

 

“That's true, you think that Jake wouldn't be able to live without his headphones?” Carlos said back to Mike.

 

“Probably not but let's see what happens when we say that his headphones suck.” Mike said to Gary while looking over Jake.

 

“Hey Jake your headphones and music suck!” Mike said loudly towards Jake, as he doesn't listen to his words due to the headphones he has on right now.

 

“Maybe this should work…” OS soldier two had grabbed some scissors out of thin air and cut Jake's headphones only to find out that Jake's music was still playing somehow.

 

“How can this be he isn't getting angry at us…maybe we should ask him why.” Carlos says.

 

“Say Jake how can you still be listening to music when your headphone wire has been cut?” Mike says to Jake.

 

“What I can't hear you come closer.” Jake said.

 

“What my friend is trying say is that how are those headphones working without those wires?” Carlos said to Jake.

 

“Come closer you two I still can't hear you.” Jake said as Mike and Carlos came closer…Whap! Only to both get punched out by Jake at the same time. “Never ever mess with my music or headphones…now I have to get back to listening to my CD known as “Punchline.”

 

End Chapter 1

 

“For this one with Jake to those who've played this game would know that he almost always has his headphones on I just wanted to write a drabble on what would happen if someone tries to mess with them.”

 

2-Paintball Dandelions

 

(We see a figure covered in black and with white hair at night pouring some sort of pesticides on a dandelion field)

 

“Well Jess this should teach you not to say that my air units suck, though I actually wanted to this for some time.” The figure said while pouring the pesticides out on said field

 

(As the figure leaves we skip to the next morning where Jess is in shock)

 

“Stupid Dandelion destroyers don't they appreciate how much skill it takes to keep a Dandelion field intact…wait there's a card here.” As Jess picks it up it reads…

 

*Hello Jess I guess you're wondering why you have no flowers left in your field well it's because you said that air units suck a few days ago the only reason I didn't take care of your field earlier is cause I had to get said pesticides, from Eagle.*

 

“Eagle I knew you didn't get along with me, but going that far was just ridiculous.” Jess says after reading the card.

 

(Three days later we see Eagle looking over his air units and about take one out for a short flight)

 

“Hmm which air unit should use today I used my battle copter a few days ago practicing getting some shots on some non-descript targets but then again…” Eagle says before getting into one of his copters only to find out…”Who puts bubble bath in a copter really, who does.” Now as Eagle decides to get out of his copter after that bubble bath he finds that his air units have been sabotaged with various things from mud to hot sauce. “I wonder who do something like to my air units…I think the fat porker Drake has something to do with messing with my air units besides who else could show hatred on even a lowly transport copter.” Before Eagle could put an assumption on Drake he finds a card next to said transport copter. “I wonder what it says…” Now Eagle decides to read said card and it says:

 

*Hello Eagle I think you might know who this is, besides you ruined my dandelion field some time ago well as payment for doing that last night I stole…scratch that I dumped all of the fuel for your planes in my tanks…(They were the same kind my tanks use enjoy being grounded from, Jess.*

 

“Oh I think it's time to do some pranks on Jess tomorrow good thing I bought these paintballs the other day while I was with Sami.”

 

(We pan out to see Jess laughing in the same vicinity when Eagle found out about the air units fuel getting stolen also she finds out about the paintballs)

 

“Well I guess Eagle's pissed about me stealing his fuel, and now since I hear he's going to put paintballs into his planes…” Jess says as she prepares accordingly to Eagle's last statement.

 

(We skip to the dawn of the next day where we see Eagle in a battle copter along with some other air units armed to the teeth with paintballs)

 

“Today I give Jess a what for as I shall do a fly-by shooting all of her tanks with paintballs she'll be pissed.” Eagle says as he laughs and nears his destination and sees some tanks placed already and Eagle's copter almost gets hit. “What the?!” Eagle said as a low flying paintball surprised him.

 

“So Eagle are you surprised that I actually decided to try and counter your plan?” Jess says to Eagle

 

“A little, but how were you able to get paintballs?” Eagle asks Jess

 

“While I was carrying the fuel I stole from you I saw some paintballs and decided to steal those as well.” Jess said while trying to hold her laughter in.

 

“Jess no wonder why I don't like you…” Eagle said as he went down to start a proverbial paintball war.”

 

(As many paintballs fly across the Green Earth base Javier and Drake pass around a couple of words around while this paintball fight is going around)

 

“Told ya Jess hates Eagle, Javier.” Drake says to Javier.

 

“So that's why Jess mentioned to me earlier about that glaring problem about Eagle's personality being most abrasive.” Javier says back to Drake

 

“Yes and have you noticed how this drabble is going, it's not even a drabble no more it's more like a one-shot…” Drake said

 

“Maybe thou author should edit the mighty title of this fic.” Javier says while confusing Drake.

 

“Javier what did you say? You middle aged knight with a child's brain?” Drake asks him with a slight hint of anger in his voice.

 

“Maybe thou author should edit the mighty title of this fic, fat porker.” Javier says in an angry voice.

 

“What the…if you're a so-called knight you're not supposed to say stuff like that?” Drake says angrily to Javier.

 

“Actually I am when I'm at Green Earth base or when you try to insult me like that.” Javier says in a sarcastic voice.

 

(After this line was said Drake and Javier go at it fighting each other while Jess and Eagle are about to finish their fight as you can see from all the paintballs littered across the base)

 

“So Jess you give up yet?” Eagle says to Jess

 

“No I think you should take a look behind you Eagle” Jess said before Eagle found out about the paintball being plastered on his copter.

“Jess how were you able to get that on there?” Eagle said

 

“Well during Javier's and Drake's talk before their fight I saw listening in so I made a strike on your copter.” Jess said

 

“Well played Jess…” Eagle said while lowering his head.

 

“Pa-pa-pa-pow!” Jess said with a grin on her face.

 

“No Tank Girl references…Hannah.”

 

“You do not call me by my Japanese name Eagle, tanks shoot down his copter with extreme prejudice.” Jess says with a glare.

 

(Now what happens next is that Eagle had his copter shot down thus ending the conflict, and don't worry Eagle isn't dead)

 

End Drabble/One-Shot 1

 

3-Lucky Or Paranoid

 

(We see Nell is a meeting with her fellow Orange Star CO's as the sketch starts)

 

“Hello My fellow Orange Star CO's I have some vital info I need to give you all here are just some sheets on stuff that you simply need not to do.” Nell says as she passing sheets to the other CO's

 

“No offense sis but these are just sheets on what not to do to get bad luck.” Rachel says while looking over the sheets.

 

“Rachel is mad right you know these are just some sheets on what Rachel said, let's see from not breaking some mirrors, avoiding black cats and the like.” Jake said while he read out some of the things on the list.

 

“Nell I think your need to have good luck and not have it ruined has gone a little too far…” Sami said

 

“Yeah who needs luck when you have skill.” Max said

 

“Kindle when she gets angry over Jake crudely drawn pictures of her, also I'm still angry at her because she made a clone of me.” Andy said.

 

“I really wouldn't blame you and Jake if you actually killed her. Rachel said

 

(Now before anything else was said…)

 

“Enough just don't do these things okay…” Nell said before dismissing the Orange Star CO's for now. “Now to get back to what I was doing, oh yeah just brag about how lucky I am.”

 

(Now as she walking out of her office we see two people trying something to mess with Nell's luck.)

 

“Okay I've got the black cat Domino…” The other person gets hit after saying the name wrong.

 

“Don't call me by my Japanese name the readers will get confused Andy or should I say Ryo.” Sami said as Andy gave her the black cat.

 

“Sorry Sami I thought I could give the readers a fact based joke.” Andy said

 

“Can't blame you for wanting to do that, but let's get this black cat out on Nell's path and you get ready with this pot to drop near her.” Sami said as she gave Andy the pot, and let the black cat go off to scare Nell.

 

“Got ya I'm going to the position now.” Andy said

 

“Yes I'm still lucky, folks, besides I found three dollars earlier while walking and somehow avoiding a dodgeball before getting hit with it.” Nell said while still walking around, and now she gets shocked when a black cat crosses her path. “What the a black cat I shouldn't worry though, because I'm so luck…Oomph.” Nell said as a pot hits her.

 

“Andy! You were supposed to drop the pot near Nell, not on her you idiot!” Sami said to Andy angrily.

 

“Well I thought it would have more impact on her psyche.” Andy said while lowering his head.

 

“Andy you are an…idiot…” Sami said before sighing.

 

(We skip about an hour later where Nell has some bandages on her head walking through another part of Orange Star HQ)

 

“Okay maybe that was just coincidence that pot had landed on me now I'm sure that…I'm still lucky.” Nell said, as she didn't notice she walked right under a ladder that seemed to blatantly set up by someone else.

 

“Dude, Rachel your sis just walked under that ladder that was set up blatantly…you know what to do right?” Jake said with a grin on his face.

 

“Right Jake…I know” Rachel said as she pressed a switch that activated something to fall on Nell.

 

“Say what's that whistling sound…” Nell said before a pie pan…yes a pie pan hit her knocking her out.

 

“Say Jake who was in charge of placing the objects in the ceiling?” Rachel said slightly confused

 

“I think it was Hachi who did so…he was drunk at the time, also Sami was there, also drunk by the way…and.” Before Jake could finish, Rachel elbowed him.

 

“Almost too much information there Jake…I really think we may have scared the readers if we know what they thought…” Rachel said with worry.

 

(A little later in the day…)

 

“Hey Max how are you?” Nell said.

 

“Hey Nell how are you doing right now?” Max said back to Nell.

 

“Not good I've been very unlucky as of late for some reason.” Nell said to Max.

 

“I also see that you've also been unlucky in terms of your face…well look at it.” Max said as he hands Nell a mirror.

 

“Max it seems my facial beauty has gone with all of those hits to my head.” Nell said as she dropped the mirror as she said it.”

 

“Nell I think breaking a mirror causes seven years bad luck…” Max said as Nell starts to act a little crazy, and seems to laugh too.

 

“Ok…now I know bad luck can't happen to me…I'm always lucky.” Nell said as she laughs and goes through every bad luck cliché till she breaks her back on a crack.

 

(Later at Orange Star hospital we see the other CO's lamenting on this situation.)

 

“I can't believe that the whole break your mother's back turned out to be breaking their own back, in this case my sisters back…” Rachel said.

 

“Dude…super weak.” Jake said.

 

“My thought's exactly.” Andy said

 

“I thought that her luck wouldn't get ruined so easily…” Max said

 

“Umm…guys I hate to say this but I think I'm pregnant…” Sami said

 

(A state of shock is heard after Sami's statement)

 

“Who knocked you up a notch…” Max said before Sami, and Rachel slapped him/knocked him out.

 

“So who's the father?” Andy asks

 

“…I think what I said earlier my see that a certain old guy is…the father…” Jake said.

 

“Jake's right…Hachi is the father…”

 

“I'd like to apologize for the horrible bit with Sami being pregnant…there was a theory on a website that proposed what if Sami and got well you know by

Hachi…well sorry for that, and please don't erase this fic because of it.”

 

End Drabble/One-Shot 3

 

4-Four References

 

(Place: Black Hole HQ where we see Kindle acting like she usually does)

 

“Ah ha ha! I'm positively smart and gorgeous besides I'm Kindle no one can match me in terms of anything!” Kindle said

 

“Hhh…hhhh…Kindle…hhh…come here….hhhh…for a…second.” Von Bolt said right towards Kindle.

 

“Ah ha ha! Yes what is it Lord Von Bolt?”

 

“Hhh…we…hhh…need…hhh…a… new…hhh…plan…to…hhh…take out…the…hhh…allied…hhh…trash…hhh… Kindle…”

 

(After this line was said a figure just appears out of nowhere)

 

“Maybe I can help…Lord Von Bolt.” The figure said.

 

“How can you help our cause? You weren't even involved in our last campaign…Sturm.” Kindle said to Sturm.

 

“Damn, how did you know I was back here?” Sturm said coming out of the darkness, which is convenient for all bad guys to be when speaking ominously.

 

“Hhh…the…hhh…pink…hhh…alien&# 8230;hhh…mask…hhh.” Von Bolt said.

 

“What? It's very popular where I come from.” Sturm said while sulking.

 

“Ok…Darth, I'm assuming that you come from a “Death Star” don't you? Ah ha ha!” Kindle said.

 

“…Just can it with the laughing already that's why so many people hate you as much as how fangirls hate it when their favorite character dies.” Sturm said while making a comparison to Kindle.

 

“Hhh…I'll…hhh…just…hhh…leave. ” Von Bolt said as he left the area for now.

 

“Oh yeah at least I don't have a pink mask…” Kindle said

 

“Again! Do not mess with the mask!” Sturm said but before leaving…”Oh yeah before I leave I want you to have this tape.” Sturm said while handing the tape to Kindle.

 

“Ah ha ha! What manner of childishness is this? Oh well I'll just watch it before I act like that child-like Knight Javier.”

 

(Later we see Kindle actually watching the tape)

 

“I guess this is interesting it is giving me good info about the author earlier works, shame that he's been on ff.net for two years and hasn't gotten a fic over ten reviews yet.” Kindle said but after her remark the tape started to act a little glitchy. “I'm going to kill Sturm for giving me a bad tape.”

 

“Four references…” The tape said in an eerie voice.

 

“What does that even mean?!” Kindle said while confused.

 

“It just means you will die when you hear four more references…not including this one, however quotes count.” The eerie voice explained.

 

“Ok now you got me wondering why this isn't counted as a reference.” Kindle said while scratching her head.

 

“I don't know…ask the author later he's the one who's writing this…” The voice said before the tape ended.

 

“Ok it's like four references are just going to fly by like that…” Kindle said as she walked by…Adder reading a certain fanfic.

 

“Hey Adder what are you reading online?” Kindle asked Adder.

 

“Well to quote a line from the manga I'm reading the third chapter of the author's “Bin Switch” fic…”“Deep Blue You know you made a very tactical error in your strategy, why you remember why it takes so long to build up Sami's CO power don't you? Here it is “Victory March!” yeah just goes to show that the author goes to far in trying to impress people with his so called “balanced reference humor.”

 

“Yeah…I guess so, ah ha ha!” Kindle said before leaving abruptly.

 

“I don't blame her most of Hiro Konobu's fics are horrible…” Adder said.

 

“Okay that was weird Adder having a fanfiction addiction…wait that was one reference when Adder said something about his Bin Switch fic, but still the tape can't be really true can it” Kindle said before running into Lash.

 

“Hello Kindle beautiful day to destroy stuff don't you think?” Lash says in her typical tone of talking.

 

“Umm…why yes it is, ah ha ha!” Kindle said.

 

“Well I have to go now and destroy some Timesplitters that have recently showed up to a failed experiment also this explains why I have some K-SMG's in my coat pockets…well see you later Kindle.” Lash runs off to do what she said she was going to do.

 

“Ok now that's two…what I need to do is get to Sturm and kill him for what he's trying to pull on me.” Kindle said as she tries to get out but it seems Hawke was hanging out right near the stealth fighters.

 

“…” Hawke just stares

 

“What is it Hawke?”

 

“…There's another hole in the ozone layer…” Hawke said before heading off.

 

“Ok that was weird…I don't need a Yellow Comet Inquisition popping out of nowhere…” Kindle said before…

 

“Nobody expects the Yellow Comet Inquisition…” Kanbei and Sonja come in then say some words then get out of the vicinity.

 

“Oh crap…I've got one more reference left…” Kindle said.

 

“Actually you don't, remember that quote Hawke said that's a quote reference to SSX 3.” The voice said seeming to now be in a physical form of one of your typical horror based little girls.

 

(After this segment we skip forward to see Kindle on the ground pretty much dead…though two people come up to her.)

 

“…Look Adder let's smash the bowling pin.” Flak said

 

“Let's not…look I see a tape let's watch it.” Adder said as both Flak and Adder head off to watch the tape, also in the distance you see that same voice laugh hard.

 

End Ch. 4

 

“If you need the references I'll say them next chapter.”

 

5-The Talk, Or Something Like It

 

(Starts off at Blue Moon HQ with Colin just about to activate his CO Power in what looks like to be an exhibition match of some kind against Sasha.)

 

“Hey Sis! Check this out!” Colin said while about to activate his regular CO Power.

 

(Sasha says something about Colin never saving for his Super CO Power at this point)

 

“Uhh…brother why don't you ever save up for your power of money? I'm just curious.”

 

“I'm honestly not too sure sis...maybe it's due to the fact I can get stuff at a cheaper price along with gold rush…I'll just say I could flood you with units quicker than the average CO can, also I think that's the way I've always used when it comes down to strategy.” Colin says to his sister.

 

“Ok Colin, but did you have to make the explanation ridiculously long?” Sasha said while hanging her head down.

 

“So I could distract you while I was activating my gold rush CO power, because behold my Megatank.” Colin said while pointing at one of his factories.

 

“Colin I think even though you still activated gold rush due to a response to a market crash I used earlier. But still you do know while you were attacking my units, you've made me very, very…upset.” Sasha said, as she got ready to use her Super CO Power known only as war bonds.

 

(Now during this time we see Colin Megatank destroyed as well as Sasha buying her own Megatank from her Super CO Power)

 

“Colin I really think you should have paid attention to how much of a CO meter I had if you were smarter you would have bought some weaker unit that could not have given me so much money.” Sasha said to her brother.

 

“Sis…forget it I think I deserved it…” Colin said with a sigh.

 

“Don't worry about it brother besides you're going to end up losing anyway soon.” Sasha said slightly sarcastically.

 

(Now as Colin was about to go at it with his sister we skip to Olaf and Grit watching this exhibition match of sorts)

 

“Hey “O Bearded One” why are we even watching this match?” Grit said to Olaf.

 

“Well Grit…I just want to see Colin lose to his sister…again.” Olaf said to Grit.

 

“Well I can tell ya' this much, I think the author is trying to recreate chapter two in a sense.” Grit said after thinking about it.

 

“Yeah but I'm going to use this plot hole device before any fat jokes are made…and have a fight like at Green Earth recently.” Olaf said before using said plot hole device

 

(As Olaf uses the plot hole device it turns out that we see that Sasha's units have owned Colin units)

 

“Sis that was uncalled for using some infantry to take out my last unit which was tank…you could have finished me off with something heavier at least?” Colin said

 

“Sorry Colin but I just don't like when you waste CO Powers like you did.” Sasha said.

 

End Ch. 5

 

“I personally think that this chapter spoke it's reasoning for itself.”