Other Fan Fiction ❯ All Is Calm ❯ Three ( Chapter 3 )

Farcie's Word: I don't own Psychonauts, My Fair Lady, or Benadryl…As the great Sasha Nein once said, “Well, my ass is covered…”

-Three-

 

It was almost nine o'clock at night when the Psychonauts returned to Whispering Rock. They had all disappeared for the day, but it had not been long before Sasha, Milla, Oleander, and Cruller missed the tranquility of the empty summer camp. For the eldest, Headquarters was hostile once again with Truman around, so there was nowhere else for Ford to go back to but his sanctuary. Oleander and Milla went to the lodge for some food, and the two of them, mainly Morceau, as Milla would not speak to him, tried to convince Sasha to come along. Fatigued from the mission, Sasha wanted nothing more than to go to his lab, peer absentmindedly at a few tests, and take enough Benadryl to forget the entire day, but his plans were interrupted by Milla's voice behind him.

“Sasha, wait. May I talk to you? It will only be for a minute, darling.” Agent Nein did not pause for her. As trivial as the matter was, he knew all along that Milla would not hold a grudge. He said before that they should have dropped the subject of Mari before it could get out of hand, but Milla was not one to let something go if it was important to her. Her tone indicated that she was no longer furious with him, and Sasha decided to prevent a second argument by cutting off any dialogue until the next morning, when they both would be less irritable.

“Milla,” Sasha said in his somber tone, “there is nothing to discuss. I hope you do not interpret this as avoidance, but I have a lot of work to do. If you really feel concerned, let us talk about this another time.” Suddenly, Sasha felt a slight tap on his shoulder, and as he turned around, he immediately felt ashamed of himself. Milla stood beside him, her tears glistening in the moonlight as they trickled down her cheeks. He opened his mouth to apologize, but before he could utter a single word, Milla shook her head and gracefully flicked the crystalline droplets away with a wave of her tan, slender hand. The Brazilian did not understand why she was so carelessly rejected. Was Sasha angry with her, or did he forget or not care or about what happened between them? Either way, Milla knew she could not try to befriend her partner anymore. It was too much of a hassle, and each time she thought she had a chance, that maybe he would open up to her one day, Sasha would retreat and politely decline her advances. The German did not realize how deeply he wounded her. Finding Mari's S.O.S. did not help, but Sasha and Milla were not exactly happy together in the first place, especially since Sasha never wanted a romantic relationship with anyone to begin with. She tried to convince herself that Sasha grew somewhat attached to her as a coworker, at least, but Milla wanted him to prove it.

“No, Sasha. I understand now. Perhaps trying to make up was a bad idea. I'm sorry for bothering you, darling.” In a tearful daze, Milla levitated into the darkness.

Morceau's green glass eye stared right through him, making Sasha uncomfortable. He had always wondered how he lost his eye, but it would have been rude to ask. Oleander glowered as he asked, “What is this about? Agent Vodello has been furious all this time, and when she finally gets the guts to say she's sorry, all you can do is turn her down?”

“Agent Oleander, it is neither your business nor your place to ask me about personal and trivial things. If Milla is a professional, which I believe she is, she will recover soon.” Morceau shook his head.

“Nein, you go ahead and dismiss me. I know my rank is low, but Agent Vodello's is not. You're not the only commanding officer here, and you will have to deal with each other soon enough.” It was all too obvious that he wanted to pick a fight, and Sasha diffused the confrontation by walking away.

“Well, I'll be damned. Who does that guy think he is?” The stout agent sat at a picnic table and took his anger out on a squirrel, who had been innocently hoarding an acorn until Morceau's green flash of psychic energy blew its treasure to bits. Thoroughly pissed off, the squirrel squeaked and bit the toe of his antagonist's boot. Before the Psychonaut could make fireworks out of his furry nemesis, it had scampered past him and up a tree. Oleander could not help but laugh.

“Heh. Looks like I make friends wherever I go.”

 

When Sasha floated down the GPC steps to his lab, he groaned and sat down in a swiveling, modern-styled, black chair. He could not help but feel the shame for how he treated Milla coursing through him. As if his psychic powers willed good timing, a mechanical noise resonated inside the nearby tree stump. Ford Cruller's voice was barely audible from the transit system, but Nein knew what he was there for.

“Come in,” he called out, mentally preparing himself for a chewing-out from the old man. Sure enough, Ford marched in, his weary body moving quite speedily for his age. Nein could tell that his superior was tired, but the importance of this lecture had overshadowed the need for sleep, which did not help either man's mood.

“Sasha, I know what you're up to, but I am not going to give you a slap on the wrist and tell you that you are wrong in dismissing Milla. I will only say that you are only going to hurt her by avoiding her. I saw her from miles away, and I could tell how upset she was. Her aura was a miserable combination of green and black, kind of like yours…Oh, my! Maybe you've converted her to the dark side, no pun intended.” Sasha rolled his eyes, but with his dark glasses, Cruller was not aware of it. He had heard once that the older you get, the worse your sense of humor becomes. Sasha was grateful that he had none of this charm to begin with, for he had plenty else to lose when he reached that age.

“Ford, what are you so concerned for? Can't you understand that this is Agent Vodello's and my business?” Sasha was not obligated to befriend Milla, even though Ford desired it. This is getting old. When is the old man going to give up on the prospect of us dating already? That is disreputable, and both of us could lose our jobs. Just because Milla is a woman does not mean we should be romantically involved.

“I am merely suggesting that you two be friends. I know what you're thinking. You won't lose your jobs; just look at Jason and Mari. They were dating for quite some time, and even Truman knew about it. It does not matter, the only problem is that partners who date could get too attached, but you are the last person who would do that. By ignoring her, you must think that she would not fall for you, after all, you have been on a lot of missions together, but sometimes, it is better to just deal with it yourself. That way, you can move on, build your future…” Ford stopped mid-sentence to glance at Agent Nein, who appeared to have fallen asleep in his chair. “Oh, Sasha! You young people never listen to anything I say…” As Ford continued to mutter about his contempt for the rudeness of younger generations, Sasha grinned at him in his mock-sleeping state. Ford caught the smile, and kicked the younger agent flippantly as the they shared a short laugh. For such an straight-laced person, Cruller thought, Sasha can be pretty witty, however short-lived it may be. The older man was grateful for that moment of lightheartedness, because he was worried, not just for Milla's sake, but for Sasha's as well. He thought of what Mari had told him before, about how keeping to himself was beneficial, but there was something she left out. Although the man was able to conceal his emotions to an unnerving degree, all those feelings were not going to disintegrate through his specialty power, the Psi-blast. Those that remained would become bottled up inside him, and they would eventually burst and cause Sasha to have a mental breakdown. If Cruller brought it up, he would simply claim that he could take care of himself, and he did not need a mentor telling him how to act anymore. Through the dense fog of his thoughts, Sasha's voice pulled the old man out of his trance.

“What is it, Ford?”

“Ah, it's nothing. I was just thinking…” Before he could finish his sentence, Milla levitated in and stood at the base of the steps. The room grew awkwardly quiet, and Ford gave her an amiable grin in an attempt to brighten the atmosphere.

“I am sorry to interrupt. I am delivering a message for Agent Nein; there is someone here at the main lodge to see him.” Sasha stood up and smoothed out his pants.

“Thank you very much, Milla. I will-” He was interrupted by his partner, her generally affable voice was incredibly austere.

“You may address me as Agent Vodello, if you wish.” She shot a cold glare at Sasha, bid the two men good night, and slammed the door of the GPC shut. Ford's jaw dropped slightly at the severe change in Milla's behavior.

“Nein, what did you do to that girl?” Sasha stared at the ceiling, unable to come up with an excuse.

“It's a long story, Ford. I can't quite explain it now.” As the two headed for the lodge, Sasha thought to himself, This is going to be a very long night.

 

Only an hour had passed since he left Headquarters, but Nein felt as if the day would never end. He felt drained, not only from his confrontations with Milla and Ford, but also from the curiosity of who would possibly come to see him. The only people who knew he was still there were Truman, Ford Cruller, Oleander, and Milla, and they would not reveal his whereabouts to a stranger. As Sasha opened the door to the lodge, he saw Milla sitting on one of the picnic benches with another person he did not immediately identify, but as he studied the man, he felt an overwhelming wave of apprehension. He recognized the moth-eaten, brown jacket, the leather shoes, and his mustached, rotund face. Behind thick bifocals were two azure eyes, dulled with time though they held a glimmer of a sad, distant hope, as if this journey, for better or for worse, would be his last. Even his hair, which was once entirely black but now had streaks of grey, was familiar to Sasha. His father had come to find him. His eyes widened as he drew near to the unexpected visitor. Even Milla gave him a concerned look as he addressed the man. “Father, is that you?” Sasha asked, swallowing as his guest advanced toward him.

“Sasha! I cannot believe I am seeing you now, after these years!” Nein's father spoke in broken English, as if he had learned a limited amount of the language. Milla did not know everything about Sasha and his family, but she did not think this visit would be happy. At the end of one mission, the two of them were waiting for Agent LaTrois to pick them up in the jet, but their ride was considerably late. The two shared an intimate conversation, and to Milla's surprise, Sasha told her about how he became a Psychonaut. He did not tell her that he despised his father, but Milla could understand if he was angry and confused. She could never imagine what it would be like to unintentionally find traumatizing thoughts in an adult mind, to run away and be forgotten at such a young age. She wanted to tell him that he would be okay, but she thought their relationship was much too unstable now for her to say anything. However, there was no need for her to be passive-aggressive, especially when her partner was facing his worst and only fear. I acted like a child before, she thought, I don't know why I was so sensitive. Suddenly, she heard a deep voice in her mind.

Oh, Agent Vodello. Don't feel sorry for me. The Brazilian glanced over at Nein to see him smile at her feebly. I deserved all of what you said. I am not worthy of sympathy from someone I mistreated.

You know you can call me Milla, darling. He nodded slightly, nearly suffocated by the portly man's fervent embrace. After an eternity of silence, Sasha cleared his throat.

“You should have stayed in Germany.” The shoemaker glanced at the floor sorrowfully as his son turned on his heel and left without a passing glance. Trying to get a head start, Sasha telekinetically jammed the door, and his father nearly broke the hinges trying to pry it open.

“I came here for a reason, you know. Listen to me, please!” The Brazilian watched her partner's pain return after years of veiling it. Remembering her own past, Milla felt truly sorry for Sasha, and she hoped that he would be able to work everything out. Meanwhile, Ford, who had been waiting outside, peeked his head in the doorway after hearing the commotion.

“Milla, is that who I think it is chasing Sasha out there?” His voice was tentative, yet he had a morbid certainty about him.

“Yes, Ford. That is his father. I don't know what is going to happen now that he is here. Sasha will make sure that none of the other Psychonauts know anything about it, especially Razputin. You know how much that boy respects him, darling.” Ford grunted in agreement as the two set off after Agent Nein in hopes of mediating the confrontation.

 

As Sasha crossed over the small, log bridge and into the GPC area for the second time that night, he felt a strong hand grasp his shoulder. Nobody he knew had that muscular a hand, so the Psychonaut did not even have to use clairvoyance to confirm his father's identity.

“I don't care what you came for, just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you.”

“I know you hate me, but you are going to have to put that aside for now. I waited until I could afford to travel to America in order to find you, and now I am here. Will you not give me the only thing I worked so hard to get?” The desperate tone was too pitiful for Sasha to disregard.

“Fine, I will appease you, if you must rely on sympathy to get what you want.” As if levitation was not fast enough, Ford and Milla sprinted through the wilderness area, both panting from the exertion. I suppose a little privacy would be so horrible, Sasha thought to himself.

“Well, excuse us for trying to help.” Ford forgot that he was reading his co-worker's mind, and the sole “normal” person of the group was quick to condemn him.

“You psychics, always flaunting your powers. We must speak alone.” Herr Nein began to speak in fluid German, his native tongue, so that the others would be unable to listen in. Sasha found it strange to be speaking in the foreign language after all his years in America, but the Psychonaut had not forgotten a word. Milla and Ford relied on telepathy in order to make sure the conversation would not get too heated.

“I can't believe you are wasting your time like this. You should have gotten a normal, hard-working job like I did. It's the only way a man should make money. Your mother would never believe that her only son became a-” Herr Nein was cut off promptly.

“Leave her out of this discussion. I have no interest in what you think of my mother, and never did. Unfortunately, I had no choice in that matter beforehand. As for my profession, that is also none of your concern. I should think you would not travel all the way to America simply to criticize me.” Agents Cruller and Vodello looked at each other unhappily; this little “chat” was not going well at all. “Sasha, I wanted to find you. I wanted to ask you to come back to Germany with me, to keep me company. Living by myself is simply too painful.” Herr Nein's sad, brown eyes were not affecting Sasha as he had hoped.

“I suggest getting a dog. They are very friendly animals, from what I've heard.” The sarcasm inured his father deeply; his face flushed, tears welling in his eyes.

“All I want is my only son to recognize his lonely father's existence! Is that too much for you?” Sasha slammed his hand against the GPC, the noise echoing painfully in his ears.

“You never used to want your `only son'! What about when I left? I was only twelve years old, and you had no intention of finding me. You only want me to come with you to hide my psychic abilities, because you are ashamed of them!” Milla stepped forward to comfort Sasha but he moved away, sensing her advances beforehand. Ford, on the other hand, stepped a few feet backwards. The last thing he wanted was to get into a skirmish with Truman back as Grand Head. Milla could get into all the trouble she liked, but there was no way he was getting involved.

“I'm sorry you could not have a normal child,” Sasha paced around the fenced area like a miserable, restless animal. Unlike his son, Herr Nein remained irate.

“A job as a psychic is useless, Sasha. You're brilliant, you could find so many other jobs. Come on, son, you don't need to work in some…some freak circus.” This comment nearly sent Nein through the roof. His pale face flushed, and a twelve-foot tree nearby snapped under the telekinetic force of his anger. His father fell to the ground in shock.

“Freak Circus? Is that what you call us? Freaks? Oh, you have much to learn about me, then. I am far from a freak and this place is equally far from a circus. I find no obligation to care for you or your demented wish to change me, father.” Milla cringed as Sasha addressed Herr Nein in such a punitive fashion. Sasha, calm down, the fuming Psychonaut thought to himself, you will please him more if you lose your control. At a chillingly swift pace, Sasha composed himself, the rage evaporating from his mind faster than Milla ever thought possible. He folded his arms and waited patiently for his father to leave. As quickly as he arrived, Herr Nein smoothed out his shabby, brown jacket, and without looking back, he made his way back to his car. Sasha, appearing tranquil to the two other Psychonauts, stepped inside the Geodesic Psycho-isolation Chamber and unexpectedly kicked the door in. Ford was in shock. He had never seen the German act this way in seventeen years. As cruel as it was, Cruller knew all along that his former pupil would bring this upon himself, and he resisted the urge to say `I told you so'.

“We should probably follow him, Milla. Sasha's out of his mind.” Milla agreed, and in the dead of night, two brightly colored levitation orbs could be seen illuminating the iron chambers.

 

Despite his blank facial expression, Sasha Nein was ready to burst with emotion. As Milla watched him silently from behind, he removed his glasses and cleaned them with his sweater for the second time that night.

“Sorry about that little scene back there, Milla. I completely lost control over myself…” As Sasha tried to explain himself to his partner, she spoke compassionately to him.

“Darling, don't worry about a thing. I understand how you feel. I just think you should try to apologize to him. It would make everything better.” Unfortunately, that opportunity just sulked away two minutes ago. Sasha thought to himself with a hint of caustic humor. He placed the glasses on his face and turned to face Milla. As the Brazilian thought, Sasha was emotionally weary. He sat down on the floor of his office, sighing deeply. Milla folded her dress as she sat down beside him, softly reaching her arm around his shoulder to console Nein, who was now shuddering. I didn't think…I would ever have to see him again. I thought he had forgotten about me, and I had no problem with that…Sasha buried his head in his arms and leaned forward. He heard his partner's voice resonating in his mind, reassuring and kind. Milla's tranquility mollified him, but his body shook regardless.

Sasha, you can't ignore what is bygone, darling, only work past it. You are a strong man; you can work it out. Normally, Sasha did not need any assurance from anyone, especially his fellow (and female) Psychonaut, but with his father's presence came an uncertainty and emotional unbalance that even he could not control. Nein appreciated Milla's help, yet he resented her sensitivity. Perhaps it was part of the female mind, he thought to himself, or it was simply something Milla developed after all the years of working with him. Whatever it was, the testosterone in Sasha caused him to feel deep embarrassment. Acting feebly in front of a woman was never what Sasha intended by his rage toward his father. In fact, part of him argued that it boosted his masculinity by using anger, but the strict control Sasha normally inflicted on his rage was more sensible to him. He forgot all about Milla's condolences and his own mortification as he stood and brushed himself off. Unfortunately, the Brazilian had picked up his thoughts, and she smiled as her voice took on a lighter tone.

“There's really no need to act tough. Darling, anyone would be as upset as you in this situation. In fact, I know men who would be sobbing their eyes out with this much stress. Just think of Agent LaTrois when Mari was transported to HQ.”

“Milla, Jason LaTrois is not a man.”

“Darling, that is mean. Jason is…sensitive, but that doesn't mean…”

Sasha smirked in spite of himself. “Yes, but it's true, and you know it. Even I'm more of a man than he is.”

“Maybe, darling…” Milla paused for a second and giggled a bit, “Sasha, are you embarrassed because of…me?” This question was too much for the poor man, and he turned red at the possibility of rekindling their relationship.

“Uh…I…Well, I'm just…It's nothing…eh…ach…” Sasha's stammers were cut off as Ford called down from the lab stairs.

“Are you two lovebirds quite finished yet? Nein, your father is out in the parking lot. I think you'd better get your ass out there and solve your own problems now. I can't keep jumping in like it's any of my business.” Sasha regained his composure once more and nodded. He turned around to Milla and waved slightly.

“I'll be back soon. It's late, Milla. It is not necessary to stay here, you know.” Milla scoffed at Sasha and gave him a playful nudge, which was more of a psi-blast in the rear out the door.

“I'm getting way too old for all this drama, darling.” The Brazilian sighed softly.

“You're getting too old for this? Milla, I was too old for this when you were born!” Cruller guffawed at his youthful partner as he pulled a piece of bacon out of his pocket, munching optimistically as they waited for Sasha to return.

 

Preparing himself for the worst, Sasha grit his teeth and shut the door of his lab to search for his father, who, at the time, was waiting for his car to stop stalling in the Whispering Rock parking lot. As soon as he heard footsteps, Herr Nein's shoulders slumped as he turned to face his son.

“Let's not aggravate this. It is best that I leave. After all, you seemed to be just fine before I returned into your life.” Sasha raised his eyebrows.

“How would you know? You haven't seen me in years.”

“Son, I know a hell of a lot more about you than you think. When you were born, your mother knew there was something special about you. Even before you could talk, you seemed to understand things more quickly than other kids. Emotions were especially easy for you to pick up on. After you ran away, I was worried that you had discovered your psychic abilities…” Sasha's father paused to scuff his shoe against the parking lot pavement, “I hate to tell you something like this, Sasha. You had a perfect relationship with your mother before she died, and I don't want to disturb you.” You already have, Sasha thought to himself. “ Well, your mother was a psychic herself, and she was a member of the Psychonauts a long time ago. I was never comfortable around them, but I loved your mother, so I was forced to find a way to accept her special talents. She knew how I felt, so she resigned and promised me that our child would not be like her, but before she could turn in her badge, those psychics did something I could never forgive. They wanted to take you away, Sasha. The Psychonauts wanted our child because they said that, based on your mother's abilities, you would have amazing potential. When your mother refused, Truman Zanotto would not have it. He told her that if she did not give you up, he would kill her! He didn't say that, but that was exactly what he meant. He said that she would `have to be very careful in the future, because a lot of psychics would believe that she abandoned the agency'. He would have killed her himself, Sasha! You and I both know that.” Herr Nein's grief escalated at having to retell his painful story.

“So you want me to pretend I am not psychic?” Sasha raised his eyebrows, speaking to his father as if he were a child. “Do you want me to leave the only friends I have, if you could call them friends, and go back to where I am scorned? I would rather not, father, and if you cannot understand that, you are more ignorant than I imagined.” Sasha leaned against a tree as he finished, hoping his father would leave soon. Herr Nein shook his head.

“I cannot forget what happened, Sasha.”

Herr Nein was quite upset; Sasha could see it in his eyes, though it was dark outside. Sasha sighed, noticing his father's pain, and approached him.

“Father, I'm sorry for what they have done, but I can't do anything about it, and I had no part in it, either.”

“All she wanted was for you to be happy. She gave up her reputation and her safety for you, and you join those who took it all away. Do you know exactly how she died? When she was pregnant with you, your mother decided to go for a walk in town with her friend, Sara. When they went down a road they shouldn't have, and…those bastards…psychics knocked her out and injected her with the smallpox. They killed Sara on the spot, instead of letting her die slowly and painfully. She was a frail woman, and it did not take much to break her. ” The story was beyond effusive, and Sasha, falling prey to his father's words, felt the unintended, or intended, for that matter, psychological blow. He never new the details of his mother's demise before, but as the information flooded his mind, there was not much the Psychonaut could do to send his emotions elsewhere. Sasha whispered an apology to Herr Nein and started to walk away, but his father's strong hand impeded his escape. “I shouldn't have told you, I know. This is too painful for me to carry alone, though. You understand that, don't you, son?” Sasha nodded vacantly, apologized again, and shook Herr Nein's hand off his shoulder. Losing his self-control in front of his father, who was already crying softly behind him, would be too much for both of them.

 

Milla noticed there was something wrong with Sasha as he walked back to his lab. Although nobody could ever sense his emotions normally, there was a certain emptiness in his expression that only Milla could discern.

“Sasha, are you alright, darling? Did you two fix everything?” Sasha shook his head slightly, muttering under his breath that Milla should get some sleep and stop worrying about him. Not to his surprise, his stubborn partner levitated to him and linked her arm around his.

“Sasha, you know I'm not going to leave until you are feeling better. I'm staying right here.” She knew exactly what he would say next, so she decided to cut him off. Nein would ask her to go to her own apartment, making excuses left and right for himself until she left. That way, he could go hide in a corner or something and lose it, but Milla was not interested in leaving Sasha alone. If anything was to come of this, it would at least bring Sasha and Milla closer together. As Milla ignored the rest of her thoughts, she saw Nein slump to the floor again, his hands pressed against his forehead. Milla sat down beside him and leaned against his shoulder. Sasha could not take the silence between them anymore, and started to shake. “Sasha, what happened? You can tell me, you know.”

“It's a long story”, Sasha's voice was muffled through his arms, but Milla could hear the quiet sobs between his words. “Well, whenever you feel like it, I'm listening.” Sasha was unable to stop shaking, even though he was slowly taking hold of his emotional letdown. This is incredibly embarrassing...why did he have to come? The more intriguing question is, why do I suddenly feel thirteen again? I despise angst....I'm an adult, damn it! Similar to one attempting to clean up a messy room, Sasha tried to pack away his issues and deal with them at a more convenient time.

“Sasha, I know what you are doing, darling. You know what will happen if you keep locking your feelings away.” Sasha nodded. He remembered the lesson he gave Raz back when he was training to become a Psychonaut. When the young boy entered Sasha's mind, he overrode the sensor valves, leaving his mind a jumbled mess. He told Raz that emotions could not be one hundred percent controlled, or else the buildup would eventually cause a complete breakdown. Right now, Sasha was suffering the consequences of his own hypocrisy.

“It's a long story…Milla, are you sure you don't want to go back? It's getting really late, and I regret wasting your time…not that I don't appreciate all you've done…” Sasha mumbled softly, knowing Milla would refuse the offer, but he thought it was worth a try. He wanted to tell her that it was his immaturity possessing him, and that her presence was desired on his part but unnecessary on hers. Like he thought, Milla shook her head, unwilling to leave her partner by himself.

“Sasha, please. You and I both know that avoiding each other doesn't help anything…” She rested her head on his shoulder before saying, “After all, we've worked together for years. Friends don't abandon each other when they are needed. Milla's benevolence was too much for Nein. The quiet sobbing resumed and Milla waited patiently for him to finish. Poor guy, Milla thought to herself, he really has some deep seated issues, doesn't he?

“It was self-absorbed of me to overreact to my father's arrival, I'm keeping you up, Milla.” Sasha stood again and paced around his lab, half hoping for Milla to understand, yet humiliated at himself for his emotional breakdown. After all, he was Sasha Nein, the cold, contemplating genius of the Psychonauts. If this got out to the Psychonauts board, or even the children at Whispering Rock, he would die of embarrassment. He felt Milla's soft hand on his, and he stuttered in a desperate attempt to explain himself. As he began to speak, Milla stopped him and moved closer. Sasha advanced as well, finally accepting Milla's desire for him. The Brazilian never believed Sasha would kiss her again, after the one time during a mission years ago…but that was besides the point. The German agent finally let her in, and even if it was short, Milla would never forget it.

After the long night, Sasha and Milla finally left each other to get some rest. The Brazilian floated out of Sasha's lab and for her apartment, and Sasha found himself missing her.. He jokingly remembered a song from a musical that reminded him of this. “I've grown accustomed to her face. She almost makes the day begin. I'm glad that she's a woman and easy to forget, kind of like a habit one can always break, and yet, her highs, her lows, her joys, her woes are second nature to me now. I was serenely independent up until we met. I suppose I that I could be that way again, and yet, her smiles, her frowns, her ups, her downs are second nature to me now…” He laughed heartily at the dorky tune while visualizing Milla as Eliza Doolittle. It was strange, Sasha thought to himself, that he had someone to miss. Working alone as often as he did, he did not have many friends. He looked around and concluded that Cruller had left for the night as well. Sasha relieved his mind of the duty of his thoughts and read one of the many files cluttering his desk. The document inside was data from an experiment he had conducted a long time ago, concerning a topic he taught over six years ago, which he immediately threw away. Hearing footsteps, the German peered out his peripheral vision to see a drowsy Ford Cruller.

“Still working, Sasha? Are you ever gonna learn?” Sasha raised his eyebrows and smiled sheepishly.

“What are you still doing here, Ford? I thought you left a long time ago. I'm sorry for all of the commotion.” Ford laughed and rubbed his back, which had been aching all day long.

“You may be young enough to run all over the campsite, but I'm sure as hell not. I wanted to make sure you weren't too bothered by what happened earlier. And no, don't you worry about today, it's clearly understandable…”

“Yet this is no reason for such behavior. I didn't believe I would be caught…off guard…by him.” Ford sat down on a chair near Sasha, his body desperate for rest. “You know, this reminds me of the time I mentored you, Sasha.” The memories caused Sasha to roll his eyes at Ford and shake his head. It was the last time he wanted to think about the time he left Germany to become a Psychonaut, and after passing all the exams at such a young age, he found himself studying under Cruller. Zanotto had pushed the boy on Cruller, obviously impressed yet bored with the inept rookies who messed up all the missions. As a boy, Sasha was unstable. He found himself losing his temper at everyone- and everything- that irritated him. Cruller warned the young Psychonaut that if he did not change, the Psychonauts would dismiss him. Sasha, being Sasha of course, took the sarcastic warning entirely too seriously, and in a severe paradigm shift, he organized all of his thoughts into a giant cube. It was strange to see Sasha drained, his body slumped over his experiments wearily. He stared at a pile of papers with nearly illegible handwriting, but the elder could tell that Sasha was not paying much attention.

“Let's talk some other time. I have many experiments to observe. I hate to be so dismissive.” Cruller frowned, wondering when Sasha would forget about his little science projects and ask for some moral support. “I heard that. They aren't little, Ford. One of these little science projects involves you directly, if I remember properly.” Ford furrowed his brow, remembering that one minor discovery of finding psitanium deposits in the Whispering Rock facility was what returned Ford to his “normal” state, if normal could ever describe Ford Cruller.

“Alright, Sasha. You win for now. I just don't want you to deal with this by yourself.” Ford stood up from his chair and watched the German work. As he spoke, he noticed that Sasha stopped rustling his papers and turned to face his previous teacher and colleague. It was not worth the effort to keep it all to himself. Nein took off his glasses, revealing a pair of watery, hazel eyes. He rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Fuck it, Cruller. I give up.” Ford smiled at his pupil and watched him tear up. Sasha could not help but lean on his computer and let his body react to the stress naturally.

“I know you have gone through hell and back, Nein. I've had plenty of days like this.” This statement was quite true for Ford. When his personality fragmented after that fateful psychic duel, Ford was devastated. He forgot who he was, where he was, who his friends were, and it had killed Milla and Sasha to see him in that state. Milla had cried her eyes out for her friend, but Sasha had stayed with him for hours in the HQ infirmary. During the night, Ford's true personality emerged, and Sasha was there to inform him of every thing that had happened to him. Knowing he would never be the same, Cruller could not imagine living. For two whole days, he was a suicidal victim, and Nein refused to leave. It took four packs of cigarettes and fourteen cups of coffee to keep Sasha from losing his own mind while Ford helplessly grew more and more emotional. He knew how much it meant to have support, even if Sasha thought he needed none.

“I just cannot believe this is happening. I…I cannot believe I never saw this coming. I must be losing it.” Ford raised his eyebrows.

“Sasha, it's impossible to see everything, especially if it is something one doesn't exactly want to see. People subconsciously ignore what they cannot face. Being psychic doesn't make you inhuman.” Sasha felt vulnerable after his friend spoke. This human weakness was never a problem before. He grabbed his glasses using telekinesis and tried to compose himself, but no matter how he tried, Sasha could not stop blushing. He would make sure that he never experienced this discomfiture ever again. His eyes were a bit red, but otherwise, he looked like his usual self.

“Well, if you weren't feeling any better, I would stay with you., but I have to get some shut eye. See you later.”

“Thanks, Ford.” As the whirring sound of the transit system abated, Sasha collapsed on his couch and fell asleep, his glasses hanging askew off his narrow face.

 

End Note: No, it was NOT my intention to promote unsupervised, undiagnosed Benadryl usage, so any fundie who wants to sue me can go jump off a cliff in flames…flames which you, the readers, will probably provide for me for all the crap I wrote. I command you…bring me more readers….now….or else…Oh, yes, anyways, I know my sense of humor is weird, but so is the game's, so it's logical, I guess…Chapter 4 coming soon, so if you still want a character, give me an idea. The person does not have to be as disturbed as the others, that's just how I write. At least there is some humor in this now.

P.S. Just another disturbing comment, if you watch the movie The Boys from Brazil, Sasha in his youth looks strangely like the kid clones of Hitler made by that scientist guy, but black hair is pretty common so that doesn't prove anything ^_^;;. Hope that doesn't make you Sasha Nein fans unable to sleep at night. Just take some Benadryl and you'll be fine. JA FREAKS!