Other Fan Fiction ❯ Cal ❯ Cal ( One-Shot )
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* Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes, or any of the related characters. The Calvin and Hobbes series and books were created by Bill Watterson. This fanfiction is intended for entertainment only. I am not making any profit from this story.
Cal
by Kesavan Srinivasan
The accident happened when Cal was eight. After a day of playing in the woods with H, he returned to find that his home was no longer there - just a pile of rubble and smoking debris, surrounded by what seemed like a thousand people: police, firefighters, reporters, neighbors, onlookers. When they saw him, they all rushed toward him.
Fortunately, a policewoman reached him first, whisked him away from the chaos, and glared at anyone who dared approach them. She told him that there had been an accident, something about a gas explosion. His parents had been home. After crying for what seemed like hours, Cal went into a trance; everything became a haze. The irony was that although he would barely remember any details, he would never forget that day.
He did however remember one thing: on the morning of the accident, he had put bread into the toaster and forgotten about it when H asked him to come play in the woods. He’d pushed the lever on the toaster and headed out almost immediately afterward, more concerned with playing than breakfast. To his mind, the toaster and the explosion were undeniably connected - cause and effect. Yet if he had read the news report that came out sometime later, he would have found out that an old propane tank had caused the explosion, and that investigators had classified the whole thing as a freak accident, burnt toast notwithstanding.
Cal remained with Child Services for a few days until his Uncle Max came to get him. Max did his best, but Cal remained distant, no longer interested in toys, friends, or school. Max was hopeful that Cal would eventually change, so he tried his best to help, but several well-intentioned attempts at counseling and therapy had no effect. One therapist told Cal the truth behind the accident, but it didn’t make a difference to him: even if he hadn’t directly caused the accident, he had left his parents to perish. The truth just caused him to substitute one form of guilt for another.
It was a long time before Cal finally ventured outside again. Once he did, some of the spark seemed to come back. Max was relieved; he grew accustomed to the sight of Cal heading out to the woods right after school, always carrying the same backpack. To Cal, it was just like the old days - he and H talking, playing, and being in their own world.
Cal figured out that people would leave him alone if he was an average student and didn’t behave out of the ordinary. He became shy and reserved. As the years passed, he continued to keep to himself for the most part, with no real friends except for H, but Cal didn’t mind and he actually preferred it this way.
Cal was always grateful to Uncle Max for taking care of him and raising him. He stayed out of trouble and made sure not to be a burden to his uncle. For his part, Max knew he could never be a replacement for Cal’s parents, but he took care of the boy as best as he could. Theirs was a relatively quiet but peaceful coexistence.
After high school, Cal went to a local college - simply because it was expected of him, and he could not think of a better alternative. Not surprisingly, he found it boring; the monotonous daily routine and standard teaching methods were just too frustrating. More importantly, he was not learning about anything in which he had any kind of passion or even fleeting interest. After his freshman year, he told Max that he wanted to take some time off. Always supportive, his uncle agreed.
Cal returned to the last place where he had been happy - his hometown. As painful as the memories of the accident were, he knew that he and H had shared a childhood like no other. If he could be close to their old haunts, maybe that would trigger enough happy memories to inspire him about what to do with his life. So, he found the cheapest apartment available and moved in with H.
The first few jobs Cal found were anything but inspiring: pizza delivery driver, dishwasher, waiter, and cashier. He quickly grew tired of each. They served no purpose other than to pay his bills, and he was barely able to manage that. It was only by chance that he saw a local flyer saying that the Parks Department was hiring. He had no idea what he’d be expected to do, but if he could work while being outside, it would be infinitely better than anything that he’d done so far.
Fortunately, the Parks Department wasn’t picky - they just needed manpower, and they were more than happy to hire him. He was initially placed on a crew that cleared and maintained local hiking trails; the town had an extensive parks system with numerous trails that required care. The other members of the crew thought that the work was boring, but Cal was content and didn’t complain.
He worked for several years as part of the Parks Department maintenance crew, and the job didn’t pay much, but he was happy - he was outside for his work, and he had plenty of spare time for himself. Yet there were times he was reminded of his parents, and he became wistful thinking of them, as well as the childhood and the life that he had lost.
*****
He was clearing up one of the park’s few biking trails when he overheard some passing riders’ complaints: the bike trails were too limited, easy, and boring. He thought back to his days of playing in the woods with H; back then, they rode in a wagon, and if H’s retellings were to be believed, their rides bordered on death-defying. Why not see if he could come up with a trail that would challenge the bikers?
So, Cal mustered up the nerve to ask his boss if he could work on rebuilding one of the mountain bike trails, and his boss responded with enthusiastic support. It took Cal a few weeks to clear all the debris and lay dirt and gravel on new sections. Eventually, he got everything in working order. “Let’s hear ‘em say THAT trail is boring,” he said to himself, looking at his trail with pride.
Cal wasn’t wrong: going by the shrieks and whoops he heard in the days that followed, the mountain bike trail was a resounding success. There was a definite uptick in the number of riders that entered the park each day.
Once Cal’s boss realized the extent of Cal’s skill, Cal was officially promoted to the Parks Department’s Trail Architect. His work finally aligned with his passion: enjoying nature, seeking thrills, and helping others to do the same. The icing on the cake was that this new job paid enough for him and H to be comfortable. Uncle Max was thrilled.
“You’re lucky, kid. You found your passion and your livelihood, and they’re the same thing! Enjoy it; I’ll always be here if you need me.”
At a certain point, Cal realized that he couldn’t keep designing and building better trails unless he himself tried those trails. It took some effort to learn to become a skilled mountain biker, but it felt good to strive for a goal again. Soon, he was shrieking and hollering in the woods with H, just like the old days.
******
“YAHOO! Isn’t this the life, H?!”
“More like life and death. I’m regretting not getting my affairs in order before we did this.”
“Don’t be a wimp,” Cal replied. “This will really put hair on your chest!”
“I have plenty of hair on my chest, you masochist.”
Cal ignored H and took in the passing sights as they raced over the mountain bike trail. The trees, grass, and rocks became a blur, and he reveled in the thrill of it all. Sometimes he slowed down just to soak it all in: the abundant greenery, the majestic trees, and the interplay of light and shadows. If there was anything better than this, he wouldn’t have believed it.
Even H’s whining couldn’t dampen his spirits. That was all part of the package: Cal relished these outings, and H complained but came along anyway - they each played their role, which they had done numerous times over.
Cal noticed an upcoming fork in the trail. “What do you think, H?”
“Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?” H asked the heavens.
“I didn’t think you were religious,” said Cal.
“Usually not,” replied H. “But I’m also a pragmatist. This seemed like the ideal time to beseech an all-powerful entity.”
“Hilarious. Let’s head toward Suicide Gulch.” Cal steered his bike to take a left at the fork.
“Great idea - nothing could possibly go wrong there.”
As they approached the gulch, Cal heard loud voices and laughter. He saw two bikes on the side of the trail, along with a small pile of clothes and trash strewn about - food wrappers, empty cans, and plastic bottles, even though there was a trash can nearby. Two idiots were skinny-dipping in the creek, leaving this mess behind without a care in the world. Cal did his best to keep his anger in check; stealthily, he grabbed their clothes and shoved them into his backpack, much to H’s surprise and disgust.
“Why on Earth do you want their filthy clothes?!” H exclaimed.
“Relax,” Cal said. “I’m going to teach them a lesson.”
“It seems like we’re the ones learning a lesson about the importance of personal hygiene.”
“We’ll be fine,” Cal said. “Let’s head back - it’s not that far, and we’ll drop off the clothes at the entrance. I just need to leave a sternly-worded note to these hooligans.”
“DEAR JERKS: YOU WILL GET YOUR CLOTHES BACK AT THE TRAILHEAD IN EXCHANGE FOR PUTTING YOUR TRASH WHERE IT BELONGS. RESPECT THE PARK OR DON’T COME BACK. - HE WHO SEES ALL”
Cal looked at the note with satisfaction.
“All right, Cal,” H said. “I believe that conveys the right amount of gravitas, mixed with an appropriate amount of contempt and repugnance. Well put. Now can we PLEASE hurry and get rid of these disgusting clothes? I’m about to faint.”
“You are such a drama king.”
“I prefer to think of it as leading a life of loud desperation.”
******
After years of being a corporate lawyer, Sue had finally had enough. She’d wanted to help the weak and powerless, but had instead ended up defending the rich and powerful. Despite the fact that she had been a genuinely skilled lawyer, it was time for a break. She needed to rest, recuperate from her burnout, and consider her options before embarking on another venture. And what better way to do that than to spend some time with her family in the town where she had grown up? It was time to return to her roots and get a fresh perspective.
******
Cal went to the store on Sunday afternoon to get the usual: a fresh bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. He bought different kinds of flowers and different flavored chocolates as often as he could; he didn’t want this routine to bore her.
“Cal, don’t you think you could skip the ritual gifts?” H asked. “I’m sure she’d be more than happy just to see you.”
“Yeah, but I don’t mind. They say penance is good for the soul.”
“Confession is good for the soul, not penance - genius.”
“Whatever,” Cal said dismissively. “Just let me do my thing.”
Cal arrived at the nursing home later that day. They were expecting him; he arrived at the same time every week, like clockwork. He went straight to her room to say hello.
“Good afternoon, Miss W.”
“Good to see you as always, Cal. I see you’ve brought your usual bribes. But, like I’ve told you every other time, I’m not going back to change your grades.”
She made the same joke at every visit, but he always smiled in response. He settled into the chair by her bed, opened the box of chocolates, and they chatted while snacking. Miss W was happy to see him; she had no family and thus no visitors, save for Cal. She was quite old and had been confined to the nursing home for several years, so she always eagerly listened to Cal talk about what was going on in his life. Even though Cal’s life was fairly routine, it was nice to speak with someone. He was happy to oblige her desire for entertainment by recounting what had happened to him over the past week.
Miss W had been Cal’s teacher a long time ago. He was not exactly a model student, and had exasperated her, several of the other teachers, the principal, and many members of the custodial staff at one point or another. Talk about a handful.
But kids will be kids, and Miss W had dealt with more than her share of troublesome kids; Cal was not the first, and he certainly wasn’t the last. He had moved away after her class, right after the horrible accident. When he quietly moved back into town as an adult, he had made the time to find her and visit her ever since.
One hour and too much chocolate later, Cal took her hand and said his usual farewell: “See you next week, Miss W, and sorry again about kindergarten.” She smiled back at him as always; it was nice to have this ritual.
******
Sue was at the grocery store when she first ran into Cal. She wasn’t sure at first that it was him, so she tentatively called his name.
“Cal–” she said.
He didn’t immediately recognize her. “Do I know you?”
“Were you in Miss W’s kindergarten class?”
“YES! Oh my gosh! Sus–”
“I go by Susan professionally, but you can call me Sue.”
“I go by just Cal now.”
They decided to catch up at a nearby coffee shop. Sue told Cal about her life - the challenging years at college and law school, then finally working at a prestigious firm.
“You were always so smart - even in kindergarten,” Cal said. “I knew you would go places.”
“I don’t know about that,” Sue said, glancing down at the table. “I went to some places, and here I am, back home… the law firm wasn’t for me, but I still sort of feel like a quitter.”
“You shouldn’t feel bad about quitting something you don’t like,” Cal said gently. “Better to find something you’re actually passionate about, and do that instead.”
He told Sue about the passion he’d discovered - designing and building mountain bike trails, and then riding those same trails to test them out. Sue could tell from the look in Cal’s eyes and the excitement in his voice that he had found his true calling.
“You’re lucky, Cal,” she said. “Not everybody gets to do what they love.”
“I know, which is a shame,” Cal said. “Everyone should, if they can. What would you love to do?”
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot since I’ve come back home. I’ve actually been considering switching to teaching, probably in grade school. I had some amazing teachers who motivated and inspired me as a kid, and I would love to do the same for someone else.”
“Teaching, huh?” Cal asked, putting his cup down to look at her. “You’d be really good at that.”
Their time at the coffee shop stretched from minutes to hours, and neither of them noticed.
*****
Over the next few months, Cal and Sue continued spending time together. Initially, he still felt reserved while figuring out how to behave in their friendship, but he gradually warmed up. Sue was patient with him, letting the relationship develop at a pace that made them both feel comfortable.
Cal couldn’t figure out what Sue saw in him, especially given their past history. As a child, he had teased her, sometimes mercilessly; he disliked recalling the memories, as they made him blush. How could anyone excuse him for his behavior? Who just chalks it up to childhood and moves on? He was truly perplexed at her forgiveness.
As for Sue, she knew that Cal was, in some ways, still naive. He had a child’s sense of innocence and justice; he couldn’t understand why park visitors littered and disrespected the environment. Occasionally, when they spent quiet time together, Sue noticed a wistfulness in his eyes, as if something were weighing on him. Fortunately, just talking with him seemed to take him out of his trance and return the smile to his face.
The men that Sue had previously known were hyper-focused on their careers--or, even worse, themselves--and they were more than happy to speak lengthily on such subjects. In contrast, Cal liked to talk about the park, local ecosystems, or mountain biking. Even when he talked about biking, he never focused on “what a great workout it was”; instead, he’d go into vivid detail about the sights on each trail and what he enjoyed most about them. He spoke enthusiastically of wanting to travel more and see the world, and Sue found his wide-eyed wonder refreshing.
Cal also loved talking with Sue about her impending foray into teaching. She had been reading voraciously in order to prepare, and even did a few short stints as a substitute at their old grade school. Cal had plenty of ideas on how to make learning fun, and quite a bit on how to deal with children that seemed disinterested or tended to daydream.
“Never discourage the dreamers,” he often said.
Their time together was uneventful, but wonderful in its own way. Sue was nervous about mountain biking, so most of the time, they took a walk in the woods, or just sat and talked, which was a simple joy in itself. When they were together, it was as if the rest of the world disappeared, and they were the only ones in it.
Cal enjoyed having H as his friend, but he was beyond happy to be with Sue. She not only accepted him for who he was, but appreciated him for all that he was. Never in a million years could he have imagined that life could give him this.
******
It was a few months after they had reconnected; they were walking in the woods, and Cal realized that they were not far from his old house.
Sue realized it as well. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she said. “Just...whenever you’re ready, I’m here to listen.”
Cal didn’t say anything. He just looked down.
“I know it must have been so hard for you,” Sue said. “You were so young.”
Cal seemed to say something, but it was just a whisper.
“What is it, Cal?”
“It should have been me,” he said softly. “I should have been there. Not them.” He shook his head. “Why am I still here?”
“Oh, Cal.”
Sue reached out to pull him into a hug. She felt him tremble, and all at once, a river of tears came pouring out. It seemed to flow endlessly, not just from his eyes, but from every pore of his body. It carried all his sorrows, named and unnamed, as well as his guilt, longing, and anguish that had been building up ever since that awful day. Even when Cal’s crying stopped for a brief minute, the torrent started again. The river soon turned into an ocean, and it felt like he was submerged in that ocean for an eternity. Eventually, it was Sue’s voice that brought him back.
“It was a terrible thing that happened to your parents,” she said. “But, Cal, you are here because you deserve to be here. You’ve created a life full of meaning and purpose, and we found each other again, after all these years. Your parents would be so happy and proud of how you turned out.”
Sue convinced Cal to join a support group, and he agreed. He learned about survivor’s guilt, and how to cope with it. Slowly but surely over the next several months, he was making peace with his past, and Sue could see the sadness in his eyes fade.
*****
One day, Cal came home to see a large manila envelope in his mailbox from Kluane National Park. He tore it open, and it contained everything he’d asked for: a backcountry wilderness permit, brochures, maps … the works. He had sent them a request a long time ago--before he’d even reconnected with Sue, in fact--and had given up hope of ever getting a reply.
“This is it, H,” Cal said, and showed him one of the brochures. “Everything we’ve wanted since childhood - our ticket to the Yukon.”
“I would love to go! I’m sick and tired of just hanging out here most of the time. You don’t seem enthused, though,” H noted. “Have you become a - horrors! - city slicker?!”
“Of course not, knucklehead,” Cal sighed, tossing the brochure on the counter. “I just don’t know if we should do this.”
“Was it something I said?? You’re not the ideal companion either! When you sweat, you’re not exactly a breath of fresh air.”
“You’re critiquing my smell? Don’t get me started on your pungent aroma. Look, I’m just not sure if I want to be away from Sue for that long, and going to the Yukon isn’t exactly a short trip. If we want to do this like we imagined, we’ll have to spend weeks there.”
“Do you think she’ll understand?” H asked.
“Yes,” Cal said, immediately knowing it was true. “More than anyone.”
“Look, kiddo - something like this was bound to happen. You’re going to have to make a choice.”
“I don’t want to choose, H. I don’t want to hurt either of you.”
“You could never hurt me, Cal.”
“What should I do?”
H’s expression turned serious. “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
*****
The Yukon was more spectacular than Cal had envisioned. Unspoiled wilderness as far as the eye could see - forests and mountains where he could wander for weeks without missing civilization one bit. He imagined his father smiling down on him, amused by the irony - his dad would often take him camping, but it had seemed more like torture to Cal.
Nature was a gift, and Cal was beyond grateful for it. And he was with someone who would make the experience that much better. He would enjoy this time with his companion in the present, accept all that had happened in the past, and move on into the future.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“It’s beautiful, just like you said. Thanks for bringing me, Cal; I’m happy to be here with you.”
“It’s a magical world, Sue,” Cal said. “Let’s go exploring!”
Epilogue
Cal and Sue sit in the backyard, holding hands. Their young twins, a boy and a girl, are running around, laughing and playing together. The girl is holding her mother’s stuffed bunny, and the boy is holding his father’s stuffed tiger. The stuffed animals are old and worn, but the kids don’t mind - they’re playmates, not toys. Cal looks at his children with joy, then turns to Sue and smiles.
The End
Cal
by Kesavan Srinivasan
The accident happened when Cal was eight. After a day of playing in the woods with H, he returned to find that his home was no longer there - just a pile of rubble and smoking debris, surrounded by what seemed like a thousand people: police, firefighters, reporters, neighbors, onlookers. When they saw him, they all rushed toward him.
Fortunately, a policewoman reached him first, whisked him away from the chaos, and glared at anyone who dared approach them. She told him that there had been an accident, something about a gas explosion. His parents had been home. After crying for what seemed like hours, Cal went into a trance; everything became a haze. The irony was that although he would barely remember any details, he would never forget that day.
He did however remember one thing: on the morning of the accident, he had put bread into the toaster and forgotten about it when H asked him to come play in the woods. He’d pushed the lever on the toaster and headed out almost immediately afterward, more concerned with playing than breakfast. To his mind, the toaster and the explosion were undeniably connected - cause and effect. Yet if he had read the news report that came out sometime later, he would have found out that an old propane tank had caused the explosion, and that investigators had classified the whole thing as a freak accident, burnt toast notwithstanding.
Cal remained with Child Services for a few days until his Uncle Max came to get him. Max did his best, but Cal remained distant, no longer interested in toys, friends, or school. Max was hopeful that Cal would eventually change, so he tried his best to help, but several well-intentioned attempts at counseling and therapy had no effect. One therapist told Cal the truth behind the accident, but it didn’t make a difference to him: even if he hadn’t directly caused the accident, he had left his parents to perish. The truth just caused him to substitute one form of guilt for another.
It was a long time before Cal finally ventured outside again. Once he did, some of the spark seemed to come back. Max was relieved; he grew accustomed to the sight of Cal heading out to the woods right after school, always carrying the same backpack. To Cal, it was just like the old days - he and H talking, playing, and being in their own world.
Cal figured out that people would leave him alone if he was an average student and didn’t behave out of the ordinary. He became shy and reserved. As the years passed, he continued to keep to himself for the most part, with no real friends except for H, but Cal didn’t mind and he actually preferred it this way.
Cal was always grateful to Uncle Max for taking care of him and raising him. He stayed out of trouble and made sure not to be a burden to his uncle. For his part, Max knew he could never be a replacement for Cal’s parents, but he took care of the boy as best as he could. Theirs was a relatively quiet but peaceful coexistence.
After high school, Cal went to a local college - simply because it was expected of him, and he could not think of a better alternative. Not surprisingly, he found it boring; the monotonous daily routine and standard teaching methods were just too frustrating. More importantly, he was not learning about anything in which he had any kind of passion or even fleeting interest. After his freshman year, he told Max that he wanted to take some time off. Always supportive, his uncle agreed.
Cal returned to the last place where he had been happy - his hometown. As painful as the memories of the accident were, he knew that he and H had shared a childhood like no other. If he could be close to their old haunts, maybe that would trigger enough happy memories to inspire him about what to do with his life. So, he found the cheapest apartment available and moved in with H.
The first few jobs Cal found were anything but inspiring: pizza delivery driver, dishwasher, waiter, and cashier. He quickly grew tired of each. They served no purpose other than to pay his bills, and he was barely able to manage that. It was only by chance that he saw a local flyer saying that the Parks Department was hiring. He had no idea what he’d be expected to do, but if he could work while being outside, it would be infinitely better than anything that he’d done so far.
Fortunately, the Parks Department wasn’t picky - they just needed manpower, and they were more than happy to hire him. He was initially placed on a crew that cleared and maintained local hiking trails; the town had an extensive parks system with numerous trails that required care. The other members of the crew thought that the work was boring, but Cal was content and didn’t complain.
He worked for several years as part of the Parks Department maintenance crew, and the job didn’t pay much, but he was happy - he was outside for his work, and he had plenty of spare time for himself. Yet there were times he was reminded of his parents, and he became wistful thinking of them, as well as the childhood and the life that he had lost.
*****
He was clearing up one of the park’s few biking trails when he overheard some passing riders’ complaints: the bike trails were too limited, easy, and boring. He thought back to his days of playing in the woods with H; back then, they rode in a wagon, and if H’s retellings were to be believed, their rides bordered on death-defying. Why not see if he could come up with a trail that would challenge the bikers?
So, Cal mustered up the nerve to ask his boss if he could work on rebuilding one of the mountain bike trails, and his boss responded with enthusiastic support. It took Cal a few weeks to clear all the debris and lay dirt and gravel on new sections. Eventually, he got everything in working order. “Let’s hear ‘em say THAT trail is boring,” he said to himself, looking at his trail with pride.
Cal wasn’t wrong: going by the shrieks and whoops he heard in the days that followed, the mountain bike trail was a resounding success. There was a definite uptick in the number of riders that entered the park each day.
Once Cal’s boss realized the extent of Cal’s skill, Cal was officially promoted to the Parks Department’s Trail Architect. His work finally aligned with his passion: enjoying nature, seeking thrills, and helping others to do the same. The icing on the cake was that this new job paid enough for him and H to be comfortable. Uncle Max was thrilled.
“You’re lucky, kid. You found your passion and your livelihood, and they’re the same thing! Enjoy it; I’ll always be here if you need me.”
At a certain point, Cal realized that he couldn’t keep designing and building better trails unless he himself tried those trails. It took some effort to learn to become a skilled mountain biker, but it felt good to strive for a goal again. Soon, he was shrieking and hollering in the woods with H, just like the old days.
******
“YAHOO! Isn’t this the life, H?!”
“More like life and death. I’m regretting not getting my affairs in order before we did this.”
“Don’t be a wimp,” Cal replied. “This will really put hair on your chest!”
“I have plenty of hair on my chest, you masochist.”
Cal ignored H and took in the passing sights as they raced over the mountain bike trail. The trees, grass, and rocks became a blur, and he reveled in the thrill of it all. Sometimes he slowed down just to soak it all in: the abundant greenery, the majestic trees, and the interplay of light and shadows. If there was anything better than this, he wouldn’t have believed it.
Even H’s whining couldn’t dampen his spirits. That was all part of the package: Cal relished these outings, and H complained but came along anyway - they each played their role, which they had done numerous times over.
Cal noticed an upcoming fork in the trail. “What do you think, H?”
“Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?” H asked the heavens.
“I didn’t think you were religious,” said Cal.
“Usually not,” replied H. “But I’m also a pragmatist. This seemed like the ideal time to beseech an all-powerful entity.”
“Hilarious. Let’s head toward Suicide Gulch.” Cal steered his bike to take a left at the fork.
“Great idea - nothing could possibly go wrong there.”
As they approached the gulch, Cal heard loud voices and laughter. He saw two bikes on the side of the trail, along with a small pile of clothes and trash strewn about - food wrappers, empty cans, and plastic bottles, even though there was a trash can nearby. Two idiots were skinny-dipping in the creek, leaving this mess behind without a care in the world. Cal did his best to keep his anger in check; stealthily, he grabbed their clothes and shoved them into his backpack, much to H’s surprise and disgust.
“Why on Earth do you want their filthy clothes?!” H exclaimed.
“Relax,” Cal said. “I’m going to teach them a lesson.”
“It seems like we’re the ones learning a lesson about the importance of personal hygiene.”
“We’ll be fine,” Cal said. “Let’s head back - it’s not that far, and we’ll drop off the clothes at the entrance. I just need to leave a sternly-worded note to these hooligans.”
“DEAR JERKS: YOU WILL GET YOUR CLOTHES BACK AT THE TRAILHEAD IN EXCHANGE FOR PUTTING YOUR TRASH WHERE IT BELONGS. RESPECT THE PARK OR DON’T COME BACK. - HE WHO SEES ALL”
Cal looked at the note with satisfaction.
“All right, Cal,” H said. “I believe that conveys the right amount of gravitas, mixed with an appropriate amount of contempt and repugnance. Well put. Now can we PLEASE hurry and get rid of these disgusting clothes? I’m about to faint.”
“You are such a drama king.”
“I prefer to think of it as leading a life of loud desperation.”
******
After years of being a corporate lawyer, Sue had finally had enough. She’d wanted to help the weak and powerless, but had instead ended up defending the rich and powerful. Despite the fact that she had been a genuinely skilled lawyer, it was time for a break. She needed to rest, recuperate from her burnout, and consider her options before embarking on another venture. And what better way to do that than to spend some time with her family in the town where she had grown up? It was time to return to her roots and get a fresh perspective.
******
Cal went to the store on Sunday afternoon to get the usual: a fresh bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. He bought different kinds of flowers and different flavored chocolates as often as he could; he didn’t want this routine to bore her.
“Cal, don’t you think you could skip the ritual gifts?” H asked. “I’m sure she’d be more than happy just to see you.”
“Yeah, but I don’t mind. They say penance is good for the soul.”
“Confession is good for the soul, not penance - genius.”
“Whatever,” Cal said dismissively. “Just let me do my thing.”
Cal arrived at the nursing home later that day. They were expecting him; he arrived at the same time every week, like clockwork. He went straight to her room to say hello.
“Good afternoon, Miss W.”
“Good to see you as always, Cal. I see you’ve brought your usual bribes. But, like I’ve told you every other time, I’m not going back to change your grades.”
She made the same joke at every visit, but he always smiled in response. He settled into the chair by her bed, opened the box of chocolates, and they chatted while snacking. Miss W was happy to see him; she had no family and thus no visitors, save for Cal. She was quite old and had been confined to the nursing home for several years, so she always eagerly listened to Cal talk about what was going on in his life. Even though Cal’s life was fairly routine, it was nice to speak with someone. He was happy to oblige her desire for entertainment by recounting what had happened to him over the past week.
Miss W had been Cal’s teacher a long time ago. He was not exactly a model student, and had exasperated her, several of the other teachers, the principal, and many members of the custodial staff at one point or another. Talk about a handful.
But kids will be kids, and Miss W had dealt with more than her share of troublesome kids; Cal was not the first, and he certainly wasn’t the last. He had moved away after her class, right after the horrible accident. When he quietly moved back into town as an adult, he had made the time to find her and visit her ever since.
One hour and too much chocolate later, Cal took her hand and said his usual farewell: “See you next week, Miss W, and sorry again about kindergarten.” She smiled back at him as always; it was nice to have this ritual.
******
Sue was at the grocery store when she first ran into Cal. She wasn’t sure at first that it was him, so she tentatively called his name.
“Cal–” she said.
He didn’t immediately recognize her. “Do I know you?”
“Were you in Miss W’s kindergarten class?”
“YES! Oh my gosh! Sus–”
“I go by Susan professionally, but you can call me Sue.”
“I go by just Cal now.”
They decided to catch up at a nearby coffee shop. Sue told Cal about her life - the challenging years at college and law school, then finally working at a prestigious firm.
“You were always so smart - even in kindergarten,” Cal said. “I knew you would go places.”
“I don’t know about that,” Sue said, glancing down at the table. “I went to some places, and here I am, back home… the law firm wasn’t for me, but I still sort of feel like a quitter.”
“You shouldn’t feel bad about quitting something you don’t like,” Cal said gently. “Better to find something you’re actually passionate about, and do that instead.”
He told Sue about the passion he’d discovered - designing and building mountain bike trails, and then riding those same trails to test them out. Sue could tell from the look in Cal’s eyes and the excitement in his voice that he had found his true calling.
“You’re lucky, Cal,” she said. “Not everybody gets to do what they love.”
“I know, which is a shame,” Cal said. “Everyone should, if they can. What would you love to do?”
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot since I’ve come back home. I’ve actually been considering switching to teaching, probably in grade school. I had some amazing teachers who motivated and inspired me as a kid, and I would love to do the same for someone else.”
“Teaching, huh?” Cal asked, putting his cup down to look at her. “You’d be really good at that.”
Their time at the coffee shop stretched from minutes to hours, and neither of them noticed.
*****
Over the next few months, Cal and Sue continued spending time together. Initially, he still felt reserved while figuring out how to behave in their friendship, but he gradually warmed up. Sue was patient with him, letting the relationship develop at a pace that made them both feel comfortable.
Cal couldn’t figure out what Sue saw in him, especially given their past history. As a child, he had teased her, sometimes mercilessly; he disliked recalling the memories, as they made him blush. How could anyone excuse him for his behavior? Who just chalks it up to childhood and moves on? He was truly perplexed at her forgiveness.
As for Sue, she knew that Cal was, in some ways, still naive. He had a child’s sense of innocence and justice; he couldn’t understand why park visitors littered and disrespected the environment. Occasionally, when they spent quiet time together, Sue noticed a wistfulness in his eyes, as if something were weighing on him. Fortunately, just talking with him seemed to take him out of his trance and return the smile to his face.
The men that Sue had previously known were hyper-focused on their careers--or, even worse, themselves--and they were more than happy to speak lengthily on such subjects. In contrast, Cal liked to talk about the park, local ecosystems, or mountain biking. Even when he talked about biking, he never focused on “what a great workout it was”; instead, he’d go into vivid detail about the sights on each trail and what he enjoyed most about them. He spoke enthusiastically of wanting to travel more and see the world, and Sue found his wide-eyed wonder refreshing.
Cal also loved talking with Sue about her impending foray into teaching. She had been reading voraciously in order to prepare, and even did a few short stints as a substitute at their old grade school. Cal had plenty of ideas on how to make learning fun, and quite a bit on how to deal with children that seemed disinterested or tended to daydream.
“Never discourage the dreamers,” he often said.
Their time together was uneventful, but wonderful in its own way. Sue was nervous about mountain biking, so most of the time, they took a walk in the woods, or just sat and talked, which was a simple joy in itself. When they were together, it was as if the rest of the world disappeared, and they were the only ones in it.
Cal enjoyed having H as his friend, but he was beyond happy to be with Sue. She not only accepted him for who he was, but appreciated him for all that he was. Never in a million years could he have imagined that life could give him this.
******
It was a few months after they had reconnected; they were walking in the woods, and Cal realized that they were not far from his old house.
Sue realized it as well. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she said. “Just...whenever you’re ready, I’m here to listen.”
Cal didn’t say anything. He just looked down.
“I know it must have been so hard for you,” Sue said. “You were so young.”
Cal seemed to say something, but it was just a whisper.
“What is it, Cal?”
“It should have been me,” he said softly. “I should have been there. Not them.” He shook his head. “Why am I still here?”
“Oh, Cal.”
Sue reached out to pull him into a hug. She felt him tremble, and all at once, a river of tears came pouring out. It seemed to flow endlessly, not just from his eyes, but from every pore of his body. It carried all his sorrows, named and unnamed, as well as his guilt, longing, and anguish that had been building up ever since that awful day. Even when Cal’s crying stopped for a brief minute, the torrent started again. The river soon turned into an ocean, and it felt like he was submerged in that ocean for an eternity. Eventually, it was Sue’s voice that brought him back.
“It was a terrible thing that happened to your parents,” she said. “But, Cal, you are here because you deserve to be here. You’ve created a life full of meaning and purpose, and we found each other again, after all these years. Your parents would be so happy and proud of how you turned out.”
Sue convinced Cal to join a support group, and he agreed. He learned about survivor’s guilt, and how to cope with it. Slowly but surely over the next several months, he was making peace with his past, and Sue could see the sadness in his eyes fade.
*****
One day, Cal came home to see a large manila envelope in his mailbox from Kluane National Park. He tore it open, and it contained everything he’d asked for: a backcountry wilderness permit, brochures, maps … the works. He had sent them a request a long time ago--before he’d even reconnected with Sue, in fact--and had given up hope of ever getting a reply.
“This is it, H,” Cal said, and showed him one of the brochures. “Everything we’ve wanted since childhood - our ticket to the Yukon.”
“I would love to go! I’m sick and tired of just hanging out here most of the time. You don’t seem enthused, though,” H noted. “Have you become a - horrors! - city slicker?!”
“Of course not, knucklehead,” Cal sighed, tossing the brochure on the counter. “I just don’t know if we should do this.”
“Was it something I said?? You’re not the ideal companion either! When you sweat, you’re not exactly a breath of fresh air.”
“You’re critiquing my smell? Don’t get me started on your pungent aroma. Look, I’m just not sure if I want to be away from Sue for that long, and going to the Yukon isn’t exactly a short trip. If we want to do this like we imagined, we’ll have to spend weeks there.”
“Do you think she’ll understand?” H asked.
“Yes,” Cal said, immediately knowing it was true. “More than anyone.”
“Look, kiddo - something like this was bound to happen. You’re going to have to make a choice.”
“I don’t want to choose, H. I don’t want to hurt either of you.”
“You could never hurt me, Cal.”
“What should I do?”
H’s expression turned serious. “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
*****
The Yukon was more spectacular than Cal had envisioned. Unspoiled wilderness as far as the eye could see - forests and mountains where he could wander for weeks without missing civilization one bit. He imagined his father smiling down on him, amused by the irony - his dad would often take him camping, but it had seemed more like torture to Cal.
Nature was a gift, and Cal was beyond grateful for it. And he was with someone who would make the experience that much better. He would enjoy this time with his companion in the present, accept all that had happened in the past, and move on into the future.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“It’s beautiful, just like you said. Thanks for bringing me, Cal; I’m happy to be here with you.”
“It’s a magical world, Sue,” Cal said. “Let’s go exploring!”
Epilogue
Cal and Sue sit in the backyard, holding hands. Their young twins, a boy and a girl, are running around, laughing and playing together. The girl is holding her mother’s stuffed bunny, and the boy is holding his father’s stuffed tiger. The stuffed animals are old and worn, but the kids don’t mind - they’re playmates, not toys. Cal looks at his children with joy, then turns to Sue and smiles.
The End