Other Fan Fiction ❯ DOLLARS ❯ SOAPS ( Chapter 1 )

Jake wakes up in unfamiliar territory surrounded by beautiful mansions and even more beautiful people.

"It's like no place you've ever been."

The sun always shines, the parties are glowing. A land where there's no ugliness, no sickness, no poverty. A land where dreams come true and everyone is certified beautiful. Fabulous! Think champagne kisses and caviar dreams. A fantastical fairy tale world filled with joy and sometimes misery.

High above a mountain lies a precariously perched temple edifice. Inside through a corridor lit with flickering candelabrum a robed figure was sitting atop a platform.

A phalanx of hooded men and women all in startling white waited in anticipation for the robed figure, a man/woman ambiguity, to speak.

Being born different and gawky was never easy. Children who are not the focus of loving attention may come to feel they are invisible. They fight to be noticed to prove they exist. And so It tried to get love and attention from the very people who could easily be corrupted, the children. It wrote bestselling children's books with underlying cryptic messages. And for the adults he wrote science fiction novels, truly believing that extraterrestrials do in fact exist and even walk amongst us. For It had an encounter with one. Little does it know that He/She is an alien.

Growing up unpleasant looking (grotesque). It was constantly teased and harassed especially when one is living in a suburb adjacent to the beautiful people. Where if you don't grow up looking like the rest of the pack ( from beautiful to gorgeous) you either move elsewhere or end up in a mental institution.

Having been abused mentally and physically, hatred and envy began to take it's toll. Blame fell on the rich and beautiful. Therefore the town that would be known forever more as "Belleville" became the number one target for annihilation. For the intelligent residents of the town who would not be easily swayed or fall prey to cult leaders, hypnosis was the answer. It studied hypnotism excessively so as to one day accomplish the impossible, that is to rule the entire world.

Jake for some reason could hear voices in his head emanating from the hill top side. He runs in the opposite direction but finds himself back in the exact same spot he first appeared in. So he approaches the foreboding structure and almost immediately is inside the temple and accidentally knocks over the large heavy candelabrum which then topples over the next one like a domino effect and lands squarely on the creepy tyrant. Making it woozy and knocks over a pale of water then slips and flies right thru the stained glass window and makes a huge thud outside. The fool then came tumbling over the hill breaking his crown and cracking his skull open.

Jake was shocked but even more shocked that no one even turned to look at him. It was as if he were never even there. Then a giant clock appeared out of nowhere. Or was it always there. Jake just never took the time to scan his surroundings. When the clock struck nine everything seemed to be rebooted.

Jake once again woke up but this time he was in a king size bed. He surveyed his surroundings and found himself in an opulent room. He immediately got up and checked the huge flat screen TV infront of him. Flipping through the channels for any clues. But all the shows seemed to be in black and white. He checked outside and found his neighbors who all looked like they came from the 50s and 60s. Waving and smiling Hello! Good Morning! Like a bunch of friendly neighborhood robots. Were they robots? Did I just time travel? WTH is going on? But in closer inspection they seemed to bleed. A very pretty neighbor accidentally cuts herself when tending to her roses. Robots don't bleed or do they? They also seemed to have advance technology. Everyone it seemed owned a cellphone and drove vintage looking cars that could fly, which was very anachronistic. Just as Jake was pondering these things someone accidentally bumps into him and falls on the ground. A pretty plain Jane. "Are you alright?" "I'm fine". "I really should check where I'm going next time. I'm so sorry". "No no no it's Ok!" "I'm Jill by the way and thank you". "I'm Jake nice to meet you. Wait a sec! Jake and Jill! What are the odds huh? I guess it's kismet". "I've never seen you here before". "I just arrived from nowhere". "You don't mean you magically appeared here". "Yes that's exactly what happened". "The same thing happened to me not too long ago. I was beginning to think I had died and this is heaven. So boring! I guess that's what heavens supposed to be like". "But I remember seeing this creepy villain thing and I don't think heaven would have those around here". "What if we're in some kind of trance and this is all just a hallucination". "And eventually we wake up". "I'm still waiting". As Jake and Jill discuss the innumerable possibilities, the giant clock inches it's way closer to eight. As they were busy chatting away the clock struck eight making a loud noise. Jill turned around and quickly informed Jake of what to expect. "Get ready". "For what?" "You'll see". Whoosh!

And just like that they were magically transported to someplace fabulous. Jill told Jake to simply stay on the shiny pathway like the yellow brick road from The Wizard of Oz. Like a Catwalk the citizens of Belleville strutted down the path in the most extravagant apparel. "What is this a fashion show?" "This is how they dress". "Even during daytime?" "Yep!" Jill tells Jake that they are mere observers and should not disrupt the flow of events. If they do it would be catastrophic. "I've seen it happen once before where this guy interrupted the wedding and was never seen or heard from again". "Got it! Be invisible. But aren't we already". "If you start a commotion and everyone stares back at you then you know your a goner". "OK then". Steven Darling is arguing with his very wealthy father who threatens to disown him if he continues on this path. Blake Darling is an oil baron who disapproves of his sons sexual proclivities. Steven is having a hedonistic party when from a distance notices someone riding a horse in a cowboy hat, then does some trick and begins to stand on top of it and even manages to do a hand stand. "Who is this person?" In closer inspection it turns out to be a tomboyish young girl. The girl accidentally falls off the horse and Steven races outside to help her. "Thank you!" "You should be more careful". "My name's Samantha Jones but everyone calls me Sam". "Nice to meet you Sam I'm Steven Darling". "Oh I know who you are. I actually work for your father Blake". "Oh! What's that like?" "He's a very astute businessman". "That's my dad. Always the workaholic. Do you maybe wanna grab a drink?" "No thank you I don't drink". "Well then that's a first. You should teach me how to do that". "Just don't". "It's not that simple". "I understand, well it was very nice meeting you but I really have to get back to work". "Oh! Of course sorry to interrupt". "It's OK. Bye". "Bye". Steven stares at her retreating backside. Then pause. Ok Jill explains that every time there's a pause they can do whatever. Jake asks; "Isn't he supposed to be gay?" Jill: I think he might be Bi who knows. Then unpause. This time the setting changed.

Jake: And now we're back in high school in Beverly Hills. Except everyone looks way too old to be teenagers. Would you look at that guy? He's way too big to be a teen. Just then a helicopter can be heard overhead. Jake: What's that? Jill: That's the queen bee. Debra Kelly Darling. She's a real bitch! Jake: Darling like the other dude? Jill: Steven is her older brother. As the helicopter lands on the helipad, out steps her blonde highness, wearing a vintage hat paired with a peekaboo halter top and short shorts with knee high boots and long gloves. Sans book bag. Debra is greeted by her followers. And they sashay down the halls like supermodels, hair blowing. Each step they make as their designer footwear lands on the floor it lights up. Jake: How are they doing that? We didn't light up and it's like they have their own wind machine. Jill: Cause her daddy paid for the whole building. Debra goes straight towards her boyfriend RD. Jake: What the hell kinda name is RD? Jill: It's short for Ryan Dylan. Jake: Sounds like a villainy name. Jill: He is a badboy. Jake: I could tell from the leather jacket and dark and brooding expression. He isn't a vampire, is he? Jill: That would be cool. Just then an introverted lonely boy stares at the lovely couple. Jake: And who's that lovely weirdo? Jill: That's Branson Hart, he's adopted and has a sister named Brenda Hart. Brenda's right over there next to Debra. The glasses he's wearing are fake. I don't know why he prefers looking like a nerd. Jake: When he could fit right in with the A crowd. He's non-conformist. I like that. I think I'm gonna like Branson. Jill: He's super weird though. Jake: So what, I was a weird kid. So who's he into? Debra or RD? Jill: Debra! But she doesn't even know he exists. Jake: But his sister is friends with her. Their bound to crash into each other. Jill: Aren't you the romantic. Jake: Hey! I'm no expert on romance, but I have a very strong feeling that those two are gonna get together. I just realized, are we in some kind of soap opera? Jill: Apparently we are. I much prefer fantasy adventure with knights and dragons. Jake: I'm more into crime dramas. Jill: Too bad we got stuck here eh. When their nonsensical teen drama was over with, another pause. J: Oh thank God! I thought it would never end.

When the scene continued. We are now in Brenda's room. Brenda looks to be experimenting. Jake: What the hell is she doing with that rat? And now she's pricking her finger. Is she doing a spell? Is she a witch? Is that why she's popular and charmed? A spell! Jill: I'm sorry! I dosed off for a sec. What's happening? Jake: She's a witch! Jill: More like a bitch! She's probably doing another spell to make RD fall in love with her. Jake: What, it didn't work the first time? Jill: I can't remember. I'm just not into this crap! It ends with a close-up of Brenda's face smiling.

Jake wakes up in his bed once again. He gets up and stares at himself in the mirror. He looked like he just stepped out of a catalogue. Without a hair out of place. No bad breath, no boogers and eye crud. Just perfect! Jake messes up his hair but it automatically goes back to it's classic pompadour style. Whereas in the Telenovela world he can look like whatever he wants. He just heads straight for the kitchen. The food as always is already laid out. Freshly cooked and baked. Ready to eat. He really starts to think that he might be dead. He never has to cook or clean or do repairs. Or even work for a living. Just watch other peoples lives. Everything is so damn perfect. Nothing seems to change. Except for the food and clothes. Everyday is different. And the house is actually a very smart house. With a push of a button, Jake can change the color or design of each room. And the entire house itself. Even the car and bike in the garage. Jake affectionately calls this whole town 'Pleasantville'. Whether he admits it or not, this place is rubbing off on him. While Jill calls it 'Stepford'. And despises it. While the two meet up in a gazebo, having refreshments, just waiting for the damn clock to move. And they finally get their wish and Poof! their gone.

Back to Belleville and the glamorous citizens strutting down the pathway. When Jill wasn't looking, Jake took a chance and ventured outside of the runway. Everything looked normal, but then the sky grew dark and the animals started scurrying away. Then from a distance he could hear growling. Menacingly approaching him. With glowing eyes and sharp claws and even sharper teeth. There seemed to be more than a dozen of these creatures ready to attack him. Hiding in the darkness. Jake just froze in fear. Then a hand yanks him outta there. Jake: What were those things? Jill: I don't know. And I don't plan on finding out. What part of don't stray from the shiny path was I not clear on? Jake: I'm sorry! I was just curious. Jill: Well curiosity killed the cat! Now let's go! We're late!

In a fancy apartment complex with a huge swimming pool in the center on Melrose. Debra is knocking on one of the doors. She is greeted by a shirtless hunk. He pulls her inside and they start making love. Jake: Do I need to ask? Jill: She's cheating on RD with an older dude named Grant. Jake: Well she's certainly granting him somethin'. How old is he? Jill: Late twenty-ish! And he's a model from an agency called Models Inc. Jake: Of course! Why the hell not! Then we move on to the Hart's. A picturesque little place near a creek. Brother and sister are having a Hart to Hart. Brenda: You can't just go up to her and tell her! She'll freak out! I'm gonna tell her. Branson: No! It has to be me. Brenda: She'll think your insane. She could have you arrested! Branson: That's a chance I'm willing to take. Jake: What are they talking about now? Jill: Beats me! Maybe he just wants to ask her out on a date. Teenagers! Always making a fuss over the little things. Jake: Much ado about nothing. Then were whisked to Casa Darling. An enormous mansion. As Debra finally gets home she is greeted by none other than her estranged mother standing regally by the staircase. As she glides down, dressed in the most extravagant gown. Dripping in diamonds. Jake: Who is that? Jill: Her mother Alexandra. A: Darling! It's so nice to see you again. D: What the hell are you doing here! A: I see your father had your teeth fixed but not your mouth. Where are your manners dear? Is that anyway to talk to your mother. D: If you find her, tell her she missed most of my childhood. A: It was never my intention to abandon you. Your father and I had an agreement. I was to steer clear of you. After the divorce. D: Let me guess, the money ran out and that's why your back. A: I simply wish to make amends with my beloved children. D: You couldn't have just called? A: Darling please! Let's not argue over this. Just then the doorbell rang. The butler, Joseph announced a visitor. He says his name is Branson. Jake: Uh Oh! Here we go. A: Where do you think you two are going? D: We're going upstairs to my room. A: No your not! It's almost time for dinner. Joseph would you please be so kind and add an extra place setting for our guest. J: Right away Madam. D: I'm not hungry! A: Hush now! You might not be hungry but your friend might be famished. B: I am feeling a little peckish. A: Well then it's settled. Let us adjourn to the dining room. As Joseph pulls up a chair for Madam. Alexandra demurely sits down. A: Please take a seat. As they partake of the scrumptious dinner. The chitchat drags on for nearly an hour. D: Mother! Can we go now? But Debra's father, Blake and his new wife, Gemma return home. Blake is surprised to see the former mistress of the manor. A: Blake my darling! I'm so glad your finally home. I was merely getting acquainted with your daughter's new friend. Blake: Alex what are you doing here? A: I'm simply here to see my children, of course. Then I'll soon be out of your hair. Blake: Who is this young man, Debbie? D: He's a friend from school. Blake: Well, it's getting late and you two have school tomorrow. So it's best if you say your goodbyes. You can catch up tomorrow. Jake: But he didn't even get to ask Debra. I wanna know what he's gonna say! The sound of the clock signaled the end. And it was back to square one.

Jake was bored. He started changing his clothes consecutively. Then got into the shower and soaked himself. When he got out he was bone-dry. He started punching all the buttons and changing every setting. Then he ran outside to the neighbors pool and jumped in. His hunky neighbor helped him up. As he got out he was once again dry. He thanked his buddy and went looking for Jill.

Back in school Debra was exhibiting weird reactions. She could hear peoples thoughts. As she touched her textbook she knew instantly everything that was written in it. Jake: What's going on with her? Jill just shrugs. Debra just pops her pills. Branson tried to talk to her but was brutally rebuffed. As Debra got home she headed straight for the garage and grabbed the chauffer, Gabriel. They started making out and humping in the car. Jake: Wow! She's a ho! Jill: Tramp!

Steven is now dating Sammy Jo. What he doesn't know is that Sam used to be a hooker named TJ. Short for Tijuana. Blake before he married Gemma was a notorious womanizer. He met TJ who's real name was Samantha Jones and they had a little tryst. He then thought of hiring her and maybe try seducing his gullible son. What she didn't count on was falling in love.

Debra catches Brenda and RD making out behind the bleachers. She scolds Brenda. I thought you were my friend! B: I am your friend. And I'm keeping your boyfriend away from harm. D: You Bitch! They start attacking each other. Debra knows martial arts and she kicks Brenda out into the courtyard. Debra dunks Brenda's head into the fountain. As she gasps for air, RD comes to the rescue and pulls her out of the water. D: I'm done with the two of you. You both deserve each other. Debra tries to run away from her problems. She boards a cruise liner called 'The Love Boat'. But inside was a Vegas theme soiree, complete with a casino. The ship is off to a luxury destination. A Fantasy Island. During the trip she meets an Adonis named Charlie. He was such an angel that they hit it off instantly. Jake: How many men has she slept with at this point? Jill: I've lost count.

Because of Brenda's spell, RD is infatuated with her. RD is charmed. But the enchantment wears off while they were kissing and RD pushes her away. RD: Stay away from me you witch! As Brenda breaks down in tears. Branson tries to console his sister but she runs away. Jake: Have you  seen any of their parents yet? Jill: Just Debra's. Jake: It's like they don't exist.

Steven finds out about Sammy Jo and he breaks up with her, infuriated. Debra finally comes back home and to school. Branson pleads with her to listen to him but she once again ignores him. Just then a dark van pulls up and takes Debra away in broad daylight. Everyone witnesses this. RD is concerned. Kids call the cops but there is nothing they can do. Soon RD is teaming up with Branson and Brenda to thwart the kidnappers. And retrieve Debra. RD is filled in on Debra's condition. Branson: God knows what their going to do to her. RD: How are we supposed to stop an army? Brenda: We can take care of that. They band together like a MOD Squad.

In a clandestine hideout. Debra is being put under a microscope. Analyzing and configuring. They are about to send in the probes when the sirens go off. There is a breach in the perimeter. Branson immobilizes the troops in one fell swoop. RD just watches from a van through the security cameras and is shocked at Branson's agility and brute strength. Jake: They should have put him in the football team. They would have won the game! Branson breaks thru the wall and super-speeds his way towards Debra. He breaks off her restraints and carries her off to safety. As Branson and Debra are safely tucked in the van. Brenda casts her spell to make everyone inside the building forget they were ever there. RD hacks through the system and erases every footage of Branson ever being there. And they sped off.

Branson uncovers his alien spacecraft. And shows Debra their wedding photo. Jake: WHAT! Their married and aliens! They soon say their goodbyes and return to their home planet. Without making a single noise. Jake: I have a ton of questions? RD kisses Brenda goodnight and walks off. Just then the phone rings. Brenda is invited to join a coven. Jake: Again where the hell are the parents?

Back home in Pleasantville or Stepford. Jake and Jill are getting a little cozy with each other. And they share a sweet tender little kiss. Under the stars as the fireworks begin. They were in seventh heaven.

Brenda and RD tell Steven about his sister. Steven is in denial. But Blake and Alex confirms that Debra was secretly adopted. They had the money to forge documents and make Debra out to be their biological daughter. She was special but difficult. We're glad she's finally home where she belongs. She had to suppress that side of her for so long. S: Why did you do it dad? Blake: Do what? Prevent Debra from harming anyone or herself. S: No! I mean Sammy Jo. Blake: No matter what you may think of me. I'm still your father and I care deeply for you. I was just trying to look out for your best interest. S: By hiring a hooker! Blake: I hope you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Maybe not now, but soon. Just then the door bell rang and Sammy Jo was standing at the foyer. SJ: I'm leaving and I just wanted to say I'm sorry again for causing you so much pain. Despite what you might think of me, I did fall in love with you. And I'm still in love with you. Goodbye Steven. As Sam got into her car and shut her door. She contemplated that Steven had shut her out completely. But Steven only hesitated a bit and ran after her pouncing on her door. Startling Sam. She got out and jumped on Steven as the long embrace was sealed with a very passionate kiss. All eyes were on the happy couple. But then a loud noise occurs. Like something crashed to the floor. They all rush inside to find Jake with Jill and a broken vase. Jake: Oops! Sorry! Blake: Who are you people? And how did you get here? But before any of them could respond. The ground started shaking involuntarily and giant crevices appeared on the ground. Jake and Jill were swallowed underground. And fell in to a bottomless well. A white noise permeated. And a white void. But a white cloud appeared and they fell through it and sank at the bottom of a watering hole. As Jake came up for air he thought this was it. He was finally waking up.

As Jake and Jill vanished a giant dragon swooped and tear off the the top layer of the manor. Everyone huddled in a circle. Sammy Jo was hugging Steven tightly. Alexandra was hanging onto Blake. And RD was cowering behind Brenda. As the hordes of darkness enveloped the entire town of Belleville. Creatures from the forest and subterranean came out of the woodwork. Hairy, Scary and Slimy! The dragon blew away the giant structures in a fiery exit. The ravenous, ferocious beasts engulfed the residents, all screaming, in one fell swoop. The remnants of this once opulent land were mere sprays of crimson, glittered with a few trinkets, like a shiny bead or a Swarovski crystal. A diamond earring and a solid gold cufflink. A lone gem encrusted designer shoe surrounded by a pile of rubble. The decadent Dynasty is dead! And soon a new and different world would replace the old with a completely fresh set of characters and tales.

Jake's eyelids slowly opened and found himself in a hospital room. He had been in a coma for years. Jake was a victim of a violent assault. When he was a child he was molested by his dad. And soon he ran as far away from that nightmare without looking back. He soon met a lovely woman and they got married. But happiness was not a forgone conclusion. Late one night a group of thugs broke into their apartment and tied them up. But before leaving with the loot. They decided to take advantage of Jake's lovely wife. Jake looked away as they brutally raped and beat his beloved. He tried to do something, anything but all that came out were tears and screams muffled by a gagging. When they were done with the lady they came after Jake. Jake received a concussion and fell into a catatonic deep sleep. When Jake awoke the memories slowly started flashing back. And wished he had never woken up. His bride was no more. And his life ended that fateful day. As he managed to straighten himself up the tears started running once more. Soon after some rigorous, physical therapy. Jake was back on his feet ready to face the world. As he was about to leave the hospital, he noticed a show on the  television screen. It was called Dollars. It had the most ridiculous, over the top characters and storylines. He vaguely recalled something similar in a dream but didn't think much of it. As he left he couldn't help wondering if he had forgotten something. Oh well! I guess it will come to me. In another wing of the hospital. Jill is slowly awakening....

(This is sorta like my homage to Aaron Spelling and all those shows I grew up watching. I wanted to put so much more in, but I wanted to get to the root of the problem. That real life sucks! And sometimes it's just nice to escape and dream! I'm not really a writer. That's why I don't dilly dally with pointless sayings and just get straight to the point.)