Other Fan Fiction ❯ Mean Samurai ❯ Ranmaru Joins the Army ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Sesiyrus 
Oh yeah.
Miscellaneous: Other Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.23.2010 | Pages: 1 | Words: 669 | Visits: 633 | Status: Work In Progress
Oh yeah.
Miscellaneous: Other Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.23.2010 | Pages: 1 | Words: 669 | Visits: 633 | Status: Work In Progress
Yukimura: Is that your natural hair color?
Ranmaru: Yeah.
Yukimura: It's gorgeous.
Ranmaru: Thank you.
Yukimura: See, this is the color I want.
Oichi: This is Yukimura. He's almost too gay to function.
Ranmaru: Nice to meet you.
Oichi: I'm Oichi.
Ranmaru: Hi, I'm Ranmaru. Do you guys know where Garrison G is?
Oichi: "Frontline, Tuesday/Thursday, Garrison G ." I think that's in the back field.
Yukimura: Yeah, that's in the back field..
Oichi: Yeah, we'll take you there.
Ranmaru: Thanks.
Yukimura: Watch out, please! New meat coming through!
Ranmaru: Where's the back field, I thought Garrison G would be here?
Oichi: It got burned down by Shingen.
Ranmaru: Won't we get in some sort of trouble for this?
Oichi: Why would we get you into trouble? We're your friends.
I know it's wrong to skip battle, but Oichi said we were friends. And I was in no position to pass up friends. I guess I'll never know what I missed on that first day on the frontlines.
Yoshihiro: Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up. Just don't do it, promise? OK, everybody take some rubbers.
Oichi: Why didn't they just keep you as a page?
Ranmaru: They wanted me to get socialized.
Yukimura: Oh, you'll get socialized, all right. A little slice like you.
Ranmaru: What are you talking about?
Yukimura: You're a regulation hottie.
Ranmaru: What?
Yukimura: Own it.
Oichi: How do you spell your name again, Ranhime?
Ranmaru: It's Ranmaru. R-A-N-M-A-R-U.
Oichi: Yeah, I'm gonna call you Ranhime.
Yukimura: In the name of all that is holy, will you look at Kunoichi's gym clothes?
Oichi: Of course all The Tamahagane's are in the same gym class.
Ranmaru: Who are The Tamahagane's?
Yukimura: They're Oda royalty. If Magazines existed in our time, they would always be on the cover.
Oichi: That one there, that's Kunoichi. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Yukimura sat next to her in the battle of Nagashino last year.
Yukimura: She asked me how to spell katana.
Oichi: That little one, that's Mitsuhide.
Yukimura: He's totally rich because his dad invented Rice balls.
Oichi: Mitsuhide knows everybody's business, he knows everything about everyone.
Yukimura: That's why his hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Oichi: And evil takes a human form in Noh. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.
Yukimura: She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.
Later
Motochika: Hey. We're doing a lunchtime survey of new students. Can you answer a few questions?
Motochika: Is your sake fermented?
Ranmaru: What?
Motochika: Would you like us to assign someone to ferment your sake?
Ranmaru: My what?
Noh: Is he bothering you? Motochika, why are you such a skeeze?
Motochika: I'm just being friendly.
Mitsuhide: [whispers] You were supposed to call me last night!
Noh: Motochika, you do not come to a party at my house with Mitsuhide and then scam on some poor innocent boy right in front of us three days later. He's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?
Ranmaru: No, thank you.
Noh: Good. So it's settled. So you can go string your shamisen now. Bye, Motochika.
Motochika: [whispers] Bitch...
Authors Note: If you didn't get the joke, its a huge parody to the movie 'Mean Girls.' I know, I know. It's a pretty cracked out idea. Fun to write though.
Ranmaru: Yeah.
Yukimura: It's gorgeous.
Ranmaru: Thank you.
Yukimura: See, this is the color I want.
Oichi: This is Yukimura. He's almost too gay to function.
Ranmaru: Nice to meet you.
Oichi: I'm Oichi.
Ranmaru: Hi, I'm Ranmaru. Do you guys know where Garrison G is?
Oichi: "Frontline, Tuesday/Thursday, Garrison G ." I think that's in the back field.
Yukimura: Yeah, that's in the back field..
Oichi: Yeah, we'll take you there.
Ranmaru: Thanks.
Yukimura: Watch out, please! New meat coming through!
Ranmaru: Where's the back field, I thought Garrison G would be here?
Oichi: It got burned down by Shingen.
Ranmaru: Won't we get in some sort of trouble for this?
Oichi: Why would we get you into trouble? We're your friends.
I know it's wrong to skip battle, but Oichi said we were friends. And I was in no position to pass up friends. I guess I'll never know what I missed on that first day on the frontlines.
Yoshihiro: Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up. Just don't do it, promise? OK, everybody take some rubbers.
Oichi: Why didn't they just keep you as a page?
Ranmaru: They wanted me to get socialized.
Yukimura: Oh, you'll get socialized, all right. A little slice like you.
Ranmaru: What are you talking about?
Yukimura: You're a regulation hottie.
Ranmaru: What?
Yukimura: Own it.
Oichi: How do you spell your name again, Ranhime?
Ranmaru: It's Ranmaru. R-A-N-M-A-R-U.
Oichi: Yeah, I'm gonna call you Ranhime.
Yukimura: In the name of all that is holy, will you look at Kunoichi's gym clothes?
Oichi: Of course all The Tamahagane's are in the same gym class.
Ranmaru: Who are The Tamahagane's?
Yukimura: They're Oda royalty. If Magazines existed in our time, they would always be on the cover.
Oichi: That one there, that's Kunoichi. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Yukimura sat next to her in the battle of Nagashino last year.
Yukimura: She asked me how to spell katana.
Oichi: That little one, that's Mitsuhide.
Yukimura: He's totally rich because his dad invented Rice balls.
Oichi: Mitsuhide knows everybody's business, he knows everything about everyone.
Yukimura: That's why his hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Oichi: And evil takes a human form in Noh. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.
Yukimura: She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.
Later
Motochika: Hey. We're doing a lunchtime survey of new students. Can you answer a few questions?
Motochika: Is your sake fermented?
Ranmaru: What?
Motochika: Would you like us to assign someone to ferment your sake?
Ranmaru: My what?
Noh: Is he bothering you? Motochika, why are you such a skeeze?
Motochika: I'm just being friendly.
Mitsuhide: [whispers] You were supposed to call me last night!
Noh: Motochika, you do not come to a party at my house with Mitsuhide and then scam on some poor innocent boy right in front of us three days later. He's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?
Ranmaru: No, thank you.
Noh: Good. So it's settled. So you can go string your shamisen now. Bye, Motochika.
Motochika: [whispers] Bitch...
Authors Note: If you didn't get the joke, its a huge parody to the movie 'Mean Girls.' I know, I know. It's a pretty cracked out idea. Fun to write though.