Other Fan Fiction ❯ Punishment ❯ One-Shot

*Disclaimer*

I don't own any of these fairy tales. I'm merely using them for my own amusement.

 

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Fairy Godmother, my ass.

 

Everyone else gets to be something amazing, something unique, something fun! Not me. I get to be a damn fairy with “Cute little wings.” Ugh. I want to freaking rip them out! Oh, and my job? To fly around everywhere with a magic wand singing some shit along the lines of, “Bibbity, bobbity, boo!” and granting wishes for any annoying little brat that asks. How gay is that?

 

I mean, look at Chris. So, he might not be the most attractive person in the world right now, but he's definitely the most loved. He gets to sit in the North Pole all year, ordering elves around, while all he has to do is sit there on his fat ass drinking beer and watching porn. He only has to work one night of the year, and that's to ride in a sleigh and drop presents down the chimney. Talk about an easy life.

 

And then, you have Greg. Yes, that's his name. I still can't believe they forgot to mention his name. Anyway, he meets a chick one day while riding along in the country, then fantasizes about her for months, wishing to have her writhing underneath him in bed. Well, of course he does; she's the fairest in the land! Then, on his daily ride, he finds that same chick sleeping in a glass coffin, just waiting for “True Love's First Kiss.” True Love's First Kiss, my ass. More like True Lust's Millionth Kiss. So now, Greg and his bitch are screwing each other senseless every damn minute they get. Now that's heaven.

 

And Pete. Good old Pete. How I miss hanging out with him. He's blessed. Really, his is. He gets to spy on girls in their room late at night, sneak in, then whisk them away to “Neverland.” He has his own gang of guys that look to him like a god, and will follow him anywhere. And he's got his little fairy that sucks him off whenever he wants. All he's got to do is ask, and she's there stripping off his pants. I mean, she may look small, but I've seen her in her true form. Damn. That bitch is something. He's one lucky prick. No wonder Michael Jackson named his “resort” after Pete's place.

 

Oh, and you can't forget Eric. Now he has it made. He finds himself a mermaid. And not just any mermaid, mind you. He finds the mermaid whose father is the king of the mermaids. So, he's king of his land, as well as royalty in the ocean. Not only that, you know those mermaids. They have some endurance, let me tell you. They can do it on the bed, in the shower, in the ocean, in the pool, on the roof, anywhere, all in one day! And they don't ever have a problem with fitting it in, either. It's perfect.

 

Then there's Philip. Now, I'll be the first to admit that, out of the six of us, he had to work the hardest. I mean, being set up to marry some princess that you don't even know has got to be pretty bad. Then she gets kidnapped by this jealous bitch and is put to sleep, and can only be awakened by “True Love's First Kiss.” …Again?! Honestly, people, it's not a sin to think of something original! Anyway, so then, he has to go free her. So, he has to go fight this dragon, nearly gets himself killed, then finally finds the chick, only to find out that she's the same chick he's been screwing for the past month! However, there's an upside for having him work so hard to find his fuck buddy; he's so damn good-looking! I swear, I would go after him if I swung that way. Lucky bitch.

 

I'm sure you're wondering, “Well, what's so wrong with being a Fairy Godmother? You get to grant people their secret fantasies!” Well, while it is always gratifying to see what innocent-looking girls fantasize, it still sucks, simply because I can't be a part of them. You know why I can't be a part of them? `Cause I'm a freaking old lady! Why did they need a Fairy Godmother? What's wrong with a Godfather?! I mean, all of my buds got to keep their body. Not me. I'm stuck with a hole in place of my pride. I'm still not used to it. And it wouldn't be so bad if I were a hot, young chick, either. Now, that would be fun. I could definitely enjoy that. But, no. I have to be a wrinkly, saggy, old lady! I get disgusted just thinking about what I look like.

 

Oh well. I only have three more months of my punishment. Then I get my old body back. How I can't wait for that. I mean, I would rather have the horrid Beast's body back rather than this one. At least then I was still male. But, thankfully, I broke that spell too. If only Belle really knew what happened, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. I mean, it was only a simple game of Truth or Dare with the guys. She just happened to walk in on the wrong dare.

 

That still doesn't make sense that the other guys got off easier than me. They had to do even worse things! I mean, Pete was the one dared to suck off Greg, and now look at him! Free BJ's whenever he wants them. But, no. She had to walk in as I was dared to spill a fantasy of mine. It's not my fault that the thought of her granting my every wish turns me on. Oh how I can't wait to get her back. She's not going to be able to walk for weeks after I'm able to relieve my pent up sexual frustrations on her.