Other Fan Fiction ❯ Stupid In Love ❯ Shortly after Denarius' arrival ( Chapter 6 )

I do not own Dragon Age or its characters.

I do not make any money off the stories I've written for it.

Unless you count the fact that I can't sleep or work when a story takes hold, so writing it allows me to get back to being productive. But I don't think that Bioware can sue me for that.

Stupid In Love

Chapter 6

A week passed. Then two. Then two months. Then a year. Then three.

He had fallen into a pattern of familiar banter with Hawke. It was almost as if things had returned to the way they were before Hadriana… before Hawke had allowed him to touch her and he had, and then walked away…

He wore a red band on his sleeve. It was stupid of him to do so, after he had left her, but he wanted to do something to show her that although she deserved better than what he had to offer, that he wished it were different. And so, he wore her crest to show that he would remain dedicated to her. He was fairly certain she didn't know what it meant - which was probably why he did it.

She had no way of knowing how much of his soul already belonged solely to her. There would never be another for him - allowing anyone else to touch him as she had would cheapen it. But in spite of the fact that his cowardice had caused him to run, he intended to honor her in this way until the day he died.

Which, judging from the events that had been transpiring recently, could be any day now.

And now…

His life had changed so much. Staying beside Hawke, he had finally been able to accomplish what he had almost never really believed possible. He had slain Denarius. He was finally free.

His sister yet lived - he had not exterminated her as a betrayer, although he'd wanted to. Hawke had talked him out of it. And then, he'd found out that what he'd suspected all along was in fact true.

He was responsible for all of his own suffering. He had asked for the markings - so that he could use the boon to free his mother and sister, true. But had that really done them any good? Varenia would have you think otherwise, but she had been free for so long now that maybe she didn't truly understand what it was like being a slave any more.

He felt alone. And dirty.

Magic had ruined him.

But he knew the truth: it wasn't magic that was to blame. It was himself.

Worse yet, when he said it aloud, “I am alone,” she had instantly responded with, “I'm here, Fenris.” He wanted nothing more than to hold her at that moment. But then, would he ruin her, too?

He could not let that happen. Better to stay alone. Better to protect her from himself.

He had left them, headed home to - as Varric would put it - indulge in some world class brooding. The only good thing he'd ever found in his life had been Hawke. He would die before he allowed himself to destroy her the way he had destroyed his own life.