Other Fan Fiction ❯ The final 3 ❯ Old timers ( Chapter 1 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: kirara_sango 
just the first part, not all the way done. Please read. "It's quite funny!" Says viewers
Miscellaneous: Other Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 05.15.2007 | Updated On: 12.23.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 963 | Status: Work In Progress
just the first part, not all the way done. Please read. "It's quite funny!" Says viewers
Miscellaneous: Other Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 05.15.2007 | Updated On: 12.23.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 963 | Status: Work In Progress
The Old Timers Trio by J.A.R/E.L.T
This story is just for fun. People think it's actually a funny story and they love it. Please read it and review. Thanks
As The Time flew by from Rainy, Angelique, and Jessica the three best friends, They all went into a retirement home but that doesn’t mean these three old bitches are old! No they are far from old! They are Rockin Grannies Man! Still thinking they are young and with the same exact personality as when they were 14, Jessica wheels by Rainy.
"Rainy pass the soy milk you old hag!" Jessica says as she wheels herself to the hot old guys.
"You stupid ho get it yourself I’m not your maid!" Rainy yells as she slowly walks over to slap Jessica in the head. Angelique walks out of the bathroom as she thanks the nice young man who helped her wipe and walks to Rainy and Jessica.
"Mr. poppy says hi!" she says as she starts clicking the bottle cap. Jessica and Rainy look at her then back at each other. Rainy puts her hand on her head, looks down and shakes it. Jessica, also being retarded, Pulls out her bottle cap.
"Mr. Poppy's dog says bark!" She says while clicking it. Rainy looked at her and laughed.
"I have the most retarded friends!" Rainy said as she walked to the table in which Angelique had sat at.
"Hey you old piece of skinny meat, Push me over there!" Jessica demanded as Rainy went behind her chair and pushed it as hard as she could. Jessica smashed into the table as Angelique slammed her head on the table laughing.
"Rainy what happened to you taking over the world?" Rainy sat down at the table and thought at what Angelique just asked.
" I could really use that power of torturing people! That Tyler guy is really pissing me off!" Angelique clicked Mr. poppy as her eyebrows squinted down.
"Well if it wasn’t for you two slowing me down always asking for direction, asking stupid questions, and making me explain everything to you guys maybe you would have understood my plans of world domination! You two just dumbed me down!" Rainy glared at both of them clicking their bottle caps. Angelique and Jessica just laughed stupidly at Rainy.
The stare stopped once Jessica wheeled herself to the soda machine. A man in white grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and pulled it back.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Jessica shouted as she waved her hands in the air.
"Ma'am if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, If you drink another soda you'll have to go to the hospital." The man in white said calmly.
"Well then let me die happy!" Jessica turned her head then thought twice. "Well maybe I wont drink so I can stay and watch you clean the senior pool hansom." Jessica looked him up and down as she heard Angelique and Rainy laughing at the table.
The man in white wheeled Jessica back to the table ignoring her comment and left the room. "Man he is a keeper!" Jessica smiled as she thought her dirty thoughts!
"He is way out of your league Jessica, your old and wrinkled and smelly and you have fake teeth." Rainy commented. She was just naturally a bitch.
"You forgot retarded, just plain ugly, de-crippled..." Jessica threw Rainy’s book at Angelique’s head. She fell to the ground and then threw it back knocking Jessica off of her wheel chair.
Rainy helped Jessica back into her wheel chair, snatched the book, and hit Jessica and Angelique on the head. Jessica rammed her wheelchair into Rainy and Angelique doggy piled onto her friends. The old men were cheering them on throwing their pudding at them to make it more interesting but since it was old people it wasn’t that sexy.
Throwing old lady punches and kicks, well Jessica couldn’t kick because she was crippled, it took 5 men to pull them off of each other.
They all had mean faces on but they soon faded into laughs. Jessica was helped back into her wheel chair and Angelique grabbed her cane from the table.
"Why didn’t I use this in the fight? Damn you Mr. poppy for not reminding me!" Angelique yelled in fury!
And this was only the first day in the retirement home!
************************************************************************ ***************************************
Day 2
Now it was only morning of the next day, and man did Rainy’s ass hurt, these damn beds had lead bricks and metal for mattresses! How was an old lady supposed to get any sleep?
“Jessica! Wheel your sorry ass in here and get me something to fuckin wear.” She yelled out the door.
“No yeah stupid skinny skank, get something yourself.” Jessica said as she was wheeled in by that sexy young man from the day before.
“You can drop me off here for now bobby, my friend here just doesn’t seem to like retirement homes for some odd reason.” The elderly dirty Mexican woman smacked his ass as he walked away, making him break into a dead run through the halls and out of site.
“I don’t know why you don’t like their food either, I mean seriously, this prune juice and rotten peanuts with some o due toilette perfume is positively delightful.” She spoke as she munched happily away on the disgusting food, and sprayed the distasteful perfume around her enthusiastically.
“I don’t like them cuz one, you’re here, and two, look at what you eating, and three, I’m not fucking dying in this hell hole.” Rainy spat out calmly, an evil glint in her eyes.
“Rainy are you picking on Jessica again? You know the doctor told you to lay off the evil plots and anger, or their gonna have to restrain you and put ya in them straight jackets again.” Angelique hobbled in on her cane.
“And the doctor also said Jessica is Rainy-Anger/Evil Plot-Intolerant, an can’t have it in big doses.” She finished waving her cane around in exaggeration.
“Aw them damn doctors can go stick it up their ass for all I care, its my life they can go fuck off.” Rainy said.
Jessica tried sneakin her hand into Rainy’s stash of normal/outside food, looking for a cookie or anything else she might manage to grab.
She was stopped however when she found herself being stopped an looked back innocently at Rainy.
“Cookie?” She asked reaching her arms out in a hug, but Rainy just shoved her harshly across the room and smiled as she hit the hard metal wall unable to stop her wheel chair.
“No! And you better stay the hell away from my stash!” Rainy said.
“Rainy can I have a cookie, pleeeeeease.” Angelique asked with the puppy dog face an big eyes.
“Mr. Poppy says it’s a good for me to have sweets and makes me healthier.”
“Well Mr. Poppy came from a sugary filled drink, do you seriously think he has any idea what is healthy? Fine you can have a damn cookie, but Jessica can’t cuz she tried stealin em.” Rainy said with a stern face.
Said old Mexican came wheelin herself back to them, holding her fake teeth and tryin to put them back in.
“These damn teeth aren’t worth an old man shittin.” She spat out, since she didn’t have her fake teeth in, getting slobber all over Angelique an Rainy’s faces.
“No duh Jessica, what? Were you expecting them to be good considering you got them off the sidewalk after they fell out a the dumpster? Your such a frigan dip-shit.” Rainy said.
“Well my insurance wouldn’t cover new ones so I had to find something to attract the hot guys.” Jessica said, after putting the rotting green garbage teeth back in.
“Lets get some lunch, I’m starving.”
With that the old trio raced to the kitchen, as fast as their old bones/ canes/ and wheel chairs could take them, all wheezing and huffing as they reached their table.
“Hey sexi, get your ass over here, I want my lunch damn it.” Jessica yelled as she waved her wrinkly hand.
Another unfortunate young man in white hospital suit came over with a pen and paper.
“Alright ladies what is it you want for lunch today?” he asked
“Mr. Poppy and me want a ham and cheese sandwich with a coke.” Angelique said
“I want some of them nice fresh prunes and some apple juice.” Jessica said,
“And I want whatever is edible on this menu.” Rainy said with a dry sarcastic voice.
“Sure thing ladies I’ll see what I can do.” The young man hurried raced away.
************************************************************************ ***********************************
Day 3 in the nursing home started out normal….Well, normal for Angelique, Jessica, and Rainy at least.
“Rainy! Get in here and change my bed pan! I think I may have crapped myself during the night,” Angelique yelled as she rolled over and felt something squishy.
Rainy, being as pleasant as she always is, came in with her “I’m-imagining-you-dying-very-painfully” look on her face. They stayed there glaring at each other, Rainy with her look of hatred, and Angelique smiling like a dork.
“Change it yourself you old, good-for-nothin’ hag,” Rainy spat and turned around to leave.
Angelique sighed before muttering, “I was afraid you were going to say that…” She then pulled a squirt gun from her bedside table and began squirting Rainy. “Take that you evil bitch! Hahaha! Jessica, NOW!”
From a door to the side, Jessica came speeding in with a race car helmet on and ran over Rainy with her wheelchair. “AHHH!” Rainy yelled in surprise before she was bouncing around holding her foot. “YOU STUPID, MINDLESS, GOD FORSAKEN, USELESS WHORE! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!?!” She yelled to Jessica.
Jessica, being old and stupid and not knowing how to stop, ran into a wall and fell out of her wheelchair. She was now laying on the ground crying with laughter.
Angelique was laughing s hard that she was rolling around in her own crap because Rainy never cleaned it for her.
Rainy just shook her and started laughing too because she knew her friends were total worthless idiots who would laugh if somebody made a funny face while they were dying. “Whatever……..Let’s go get something to eat.” Just then she heard a loud fart that made Jessica start snorting with laughter.
Angelique was laying in bed with her eyes wide and her lips in an “O.” “Ummm……Rainy?” A slow smile started to form on Angelique’s mouth.
Dreading the worse, Rainy answered anyway. “What?”
Smiling like a 4-year-old, and clapping her hands like one too, she said, “I went poopy again!” The room now smelled of a foul odor…Much like that of crap.
Rainy shook her head and walked out of the room.
“HEY, YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME IN THIS STENCH! I’M AN F’ING CRIPPLE!” Jessica yelled after her.
Later, after Angelique’s doo-doo got cleaned up and Jessica was set right in her wheelchair, the trio went out to lunch….AT MCDONALD’S!
“I WANT A HAPPY MEAL!” Jessica exclaimed to the lady at the front counter. “Ma’am, you’re at least 60 years old. You’re too old for a happy meal,” the lady retaliated, trying to sell her a supersize meal.
“60? You little whipper-schnapper, I’m only 24,” she tried lying, which caused Rainy to snort and raise her eyebrows at Jessica in amusement. “Ok, maybe a little over 24, but not a day over 30!”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, I can’t give you a happy meal. They’re for the kids.”
“JUST GIVE HER THE F’ING HAPPY MEAL!” Rainy commanded, causing the lady to nod and type it in really fast. “Angelique, you’re turn to ord…..Where the hell is Angelique?!” She said looking around.
“You little brat, give me my cane so I can smack you with it!” Angelique said as she chased a 5 year old kid into the playplace and down the slide.
“No! You have to catch me old lady!” The bratty kid stuck is tongue out and blew a raspberry.
“Old? That hurt,” she said faking tears. The kid let his guard down for one second which was just enough time for Angelique to tackle him and take her cane back.
Security then came and threw the trio out, but not before Angelique blew a raspberry back at the kid.
“Hey Rainy!” Angelique yelled to her bestest buddy.
“What do you want now?” She spat, because we all know Rainy gets cranky when she’s hungry.
“I just wanted to let you know that even though you didn’t clean up my dukey this morning, I still love you.”
“Aww, well I’m touched,” Rainy said, smiling somewhat.
“Besides, that doctor was perty cute wasn’t he?” She said, winking to Jessica who was in the room with her at the time.
Angelique, Rainy, and Jessica ended the day by skipping back to the nursing home with their arms linked, except Jessica who couldn’t skip because she was crippled.
************************************************************************ ***********************************
Day 4
It had been only 4 days since Rainy, Angelique, and Jessica had arrived at the retirment home. Causing as much trouble as possible, Jessica now had a full time wheel around guy in white, Angelique had a man in white as well but with a straight Jacket in hand for just in case, and Rainy had 5 men in white because of her world domination plans, They thought Rainy had plans of suicidal! Not true though.
On there wonderful day, they all walked in the halls looking at all the doors, The men followed. Angelique looked at a certain door and walked up to it. She peeked into the little window and saw a man slamming into the walls in a straight jacket.
"I want to be just like him! The squishy walls look fun to jump into!" Angelique said as Rainy just glared at her shaking her head.
"I would join you! You would of course have to pick me up and toss me into the walls because of my crippled-ness..." Jessica said as she wheeled herself to Angelique.
"You guys are so retarded!" Rainy snapped as she quickly pulled Angeliques cane from under her making her fall, then yanked on Jessica's wheel chair making her fall out of it.
"She is evil isnt she?" the men whispered to each other as Rainy turned her head hearing them.
"Yes I am evil, and when I take over the world, You'll be the first to go!" Rainy gave them a dirty look. They finally realized why there were 5 of them to keep watch over her.
"Oh Oh Oh Pick me!" Angelique raiser her hands in the hair waving them. Rainy looked at her. tilted her head, then called on her. "CAN I DO THE TORTURING!? YOU PROMISED!" Angelique yelled.
"Yes you can." Rainy laughed a little
"Oh Oh Oh PICK ME!" Jessica yelled and again Rainy tilted her head and called on her. "Can I make them love me and break their hearts? You promised!" The men looked at Jessica and almost puked, One man did.
"Yes Jessica you can do that." Rainy laughed
"Jessica like I said before, Your old and de-crippled, and so much more, I dont think they want to fall in love with you." Angelique said as she walked towards Jessica to help her back into the wheel chair. "Man Jessica lay off the Jelly Beans. Damn your heavy!" Angelique complained as she managed to get Jessica back into the wheel chair.
"Well I havn't had a bag for a whole week because the bitch at the counter wouldn't give me my god-for-saken Senior Discount!" Jessica said as she adjusted herself in her seat.
"Jessica what happend? You usually always get your jelly beans." Rainy regretfully asked. Because they were all old, they're storie were long and boring.
"Oh I'll tell you what happend!" Jessica clenched her hand in a fist and slammed it down on her legs in which felt nothing because she is crippled. "I was at the store minding my own business when I went to the counter to pay for my food. The lady rang up my items of jelly beans and then told me the cost was $159.75. I thought this was outrages! I had only bought about 250 packets so I calmly asked if I could use my senior discount. She said she couldnt because it was candy and you cant get a discount on candy, so i took the bags that I could reach and opened them then chuking them at her. It was great but security was comming so I yelled 'SENIOR POWER BITCHES!' as I wheeled myself out of the store. The police got me because my wheel chair got stuck in the automatic doors. They kind of closed on me probably because the motion sensor only works for people who HAVE LEGS!"
"Oh so we cant have senior discounts on candy now!? What is up with this! Damn it Mr. Poppy and I are pissed now!" Angelique yelled in outrage.
"They all have major problems." the men yet again whispered to each other. Rainy with her acute hearing, heard them once again.
"Thats strike 2 you dumbshits! Just because im an old lady doesnt mean i cant take you out!" Rainy spat out as the men shivered. "Hell next time ill just give you to Jessica, let her handle you guys!" And again they almost puked, 2 guys did.
Jessica looked at the hot young men with a hunger in her eyes. She was yet again thinking her dirty thoughts. "Oh Rainy just let me have one! Please!" Jessica begged. It had been a while since she has seen a hot guy, almost 4 hours!
"Jessica next time i will." Rainy said as she watched the mens eyes widen.
"NO NOT NEXT TIME! I GET TO HAVE ONE FIRST TO TORTURE THEM!" Angelique yelled as she clicked Mr.Poppy real hard!
"Ok ok I'll let you have the first one, gosh!" Rainy yelled iritatedly.
Walking further down the halls Rainy could hear the men talking about them again. Angelique and Jessica were oblivious because their hearing sucked from all the heavy metal they listened to, and the fact that they were ratarded.
"What did i tell you?!" Rainy quickly turned around in an imidiate glare. "Hey Angelique and Jessica, come here. I have a little something for you!" Rainy smiled evily as Angelique wheeled Jessica over.
"What?" Angelique asked. Rainy opened a door and shoved all the men inside it.
"There you go." Rainy pointed to the door as Angelique pushed Jessica into yet another wall and ran into the door. Jessica got back into her wheel chair with her Mexican skills and also ran into the room. Rainy closed the door behinde them and watched from the other side what they were doing to the poor men. "If only this door had a bigger window!" Rainy said to herself as she watched the horrors the men were going through.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Day 5
It had only been 5 days that Angelique, Rainy, and Jessica had been in the retirment home. They knew how to have good times didn't they? They had been locked in a room together because of what they had done with the 5 men. Rainy was chained to the wall by her ankle, Angelique was an emotional wreck because they took Mr. Poppy away so she was in her little corner, and Jessica's wheel chair had tire locks on them so she couldn't wheel herself away.
"MR. POPPY! WHY!? WHY HIM!? YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN ME!!!!!!!!!!!" Angelique screamed as she put her old wrinkled face in her also wrinkled hands.
"God it's like I'm in the movie Saw," Rainy exclaimed "I am chained to a damn wall and the only way I could possibly get out is if I used Jessica's old nasty dentures!"
"Haha when I try to move my wheel chair, I always get stopped and it makes a 'Bump' sound!" Jessica said entertaining herself.
"God we have to get out of this! What kind of a retirment home is this? It's also like i'm in the movie Hostle, I'm in a place where I don't want to be and you two morons are my tormenters!" Rainy liked to use movies as explainations for Jessica and Angelique because they didn't know what she meant when she used real metophores.
"MR. POPPY!" Angelique kept yelling as she now banged her head into the wall. Jessica unbuckled her seatbelt that she had installed because Rainy kept violantly pushing her out of it and went over to comfort Angelique in her time of need.
"You know Angelique," Rainy thought her devious plan "You can go get Mr. Poppy if you go over there and open the door." Angelique shot up knocking the crippled Jessica off of her. She opened the door and found Mr. Poppy right there next to her cane.
"I FOUND YOU!" Angelique said grabbing her cane and Mr. Poppy.
"Grab the Keys for my chain and Jessica's wheel chair locks!" Rainy yelled. Angelique staired at the table looking around. She saw many shapes.
"Which is the Key? I only see something key shaped, something knife shaped, something candy shaped. OH CANDY i'll take that, and something hand shaped." Angelique exclaimed. The hand shaped object was Jessica's hand trying to reach out for help to get back in her wheel chair.
Rainy was now quite annoyed. "Umm lets see here. I don't know. Maybe it's the KEY SHAPED ONE!"
Angelique grabbed the key shaped object and gave it to Rainy. She unlocked herself and Jessica's wheel chair. She violantly threw Jessica in he wheel chair and took off. They managed to sneak out of the retirment home. Angelique made a big deal out of it though by pretending to be James Bond. She had her hands in the shape of a gun looking around every corner. She also rolled on the floor trying to be "stealthy" but she was FAR from it.
"Omg my heart is pumping so fast! LETS ROB A BANK!" Angelique exclaimed while jumping up and down.
" I agree!" Jessica said attempting to jump but failed horribly.
"Fine." Rainy said but then thought to herself. Since she was finally out of that hell hole she could take over the world! With her two retards by her side she would actually be unstopable! They were so stupid that they would magically do things right!
And with that, Jessica, Angelique, and Rainy set off to rob a bank.
"I want one of them electric scooters that they always show on television!"
The story isn't over yet!
This story is just for fun. People think it's actually a funny story and they love it. Please read it and review. Thanks
As The Time flew by from Rainy, Angelique, and Jessica the three best friends, They all went into a retirement home but that doesn’t mean these three old bitches are old! No they are far from old! They are Rockin Grannies Man! Still thinking they are young and with the same exact personality as when they were 14, Jessica wheels by Rainy.
"Rainy pass the soy milk you old hag!" Jessica says as she wheels herself to the hot old guys.
"You stupid ho get it yourself I’m not your maid!" Rainy yells as she slowly walks over to slap Jessica in the head. Angelique walks out of the bathroom as she thanks the nice young man who helped her wipe and walks to Rainy and Jessica.
"Mr. poppy says hi!" she says as she starts clicking the bottle cap. Jessica and Rainy look at her then back at each other. Rainy puts her hand on her head, looks down and shakes it. Jessica, also being retarded, Pulls out her bottle cap.
"Mr. Poppy's dog says bark!" She says while clicking it. Rainy looked at her and laughed.
"I have the most retarded friends!" Rainy said as she walked to the table in which Angelique had sat at.
"Hey you old piece of skinny meat, Push me over there!" Jessica demanded as Rainy went behind her chair and pushed it as hard as she could. Jessica smashed into the table as Angelique slammed her head on the table laughing.
"Rainy what happened to you taking over the world?" Rainy sat down at the table and thought at what Angelique just asked.
" I could really use that power of torturing people! That Tyler guy is really pissing me off!" Angelique clicked Mr. poppy as her eyebrows squinted down.
"Well if it wasn’t for you two slowing me down always asking for direction, asking stupid questions, and making me explain everything to you guys maybe you would have understood my plans of world domination! You two just dumbed me down!" Rainy glared at both of them clicking their bottle caps. Angelique and Jessica just laughed stupidly at Rainy.
The stare stopped once Jessica wheeled herself to the soda machine. A man in white grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and pulled it back.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Jessica shouted as she waved her hands in the air.
"Ma'am if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, If you drink another soda you'll have to go to the hospital." The man in white said calmly.
"Well then let me die happy!" Jessica turned her head then thought twice. "Well maybe I wont drink so I can stay and watch you clean the senior pool hansom." Jessica looked him up and down as she heard Angelique and Rainy laughing at the table.
The man in white wheeled Jessica back to the table ignoring her comment and left the room. "Man he is a keeper!" Jessica smiled as she thought her dirty thoughts!
"He is way out of your league Jessica, your old and wrinkled and smelly and you have fake teeth." Rainy commented. She was just naturally a bitch.
"You forgot retarded, just plain ugly, de-crippled..." Jessica threw Rainy’s book at Angelique’s head. She fell to the ground and then threw it back knocking Jessica off of her wheel chair.
Rainy helped Jessica back into her wheel chair, snatched the book, and hit Jessica and Angelique on the head. Jessica rammed her wheelchair into Rainy and Angelique doggy piled onto her friends. The old men were cheering them on throwing their pudding at them to make it more interesting but since it was old people it wasn’t that sexy.
Throwing old lady punches and kicks, well Jessica couldn’t kick because she was crippled, it took 5 men to pull them off of each other.
They all had mean faces on but they soon faded into laughs. Jessica was helped back into her wheel chair and Angelique grabbed her cane from the table.
"Why didn’t I use this in the fight? Damn you Mr. poppy for not reminding me!" Angelique yelled in fury!
And this was only the first day in the retirement home!
************************************************************************ ***************************************
Day 2
Now it was only morning of the next day, and man did Rainy’s ass hurt, these damn beds had lead bricks and metal for mattresses! How was an old lady supposed to get any sleep?
“Jessica! Wheel your sorry ass in here and get me something to fuckin wear.” She yelled out the door.
“No yeah stupid skinny skank, get something yourself.” Jessica said as she was wheeled in by that sexy young man from the day before.
“You can drop me off here for now bobby, my friend here just doesn’t seem to like retirement homes for some odd reason.” The elderly dirty Mexican woman smacked his ass as he walked away, making him break into a dead run through the halls and out of site.
“I don’t know why you don’t like their food either, I mean seriously, this prune juice and rotten peanuts with some o due toilette perfume is positively delightful.” She spoke as she munched happily away on the disgusting food, and sprayed the distasteful perfume around her enthusiastically.
“I don’t like them cuz one, you’re here, and two, look at what you eating, and three, I’m not fucking dying in this hell hole.” Rainy spat out calmly, an evil glint in her eyes.
“Rainy are you picking on Jessica again? You know the doctor told you to lay off the evil plots and anger, or their gonna have to restrain you and put ya in them straight jackets again.” Angelique hobbled in on her cane.
“And the doctor also said Jessica is Rainy-Anger/Evil Plot-Intolerant, an can’t have it in big doses.” She finished waving her cane around in exaggeration.
“Aw them damn doctors can go stick it up their ass for all I care, its my life they can go fuck off.” Rainy said.
Jessica tried sneakin her hand into Rainy’s stash of normal/outside food, looking for a cookie or anything else she might manage to grab.
She was stopped however when she found herself being stopped an looked back innocently at Rainy.
“Cookie?” She asked reaching her arms out in a hug, but Rainy just shoved her harshly across the room and smiled as she hit the hard metal wall unable to stop her wheel chair.
“No! And you better stay the hell away from my stash!” Rainy said.
“Rainy can I have a cookie, pleeeeeease.” Angelique asked with the puppy dog face an big eyes.
“Mr. Poppy says it’s a good for me to have sweets and makes me healthier.”
“Well Mr. Poppy came from a sugary filled drink, do you seriously think he has any idea what is healthy? Fine you can have a damn cookie, but Jessica can’t cuz she tried stealin em.” Rainy said with a stern face.
Said old Mexican came wheelin herself back to them, holding her fake teeth and tryin to put them back in.
“These damn teeth aren’t worth an old man shittin.” She spat out, since she didn’t have her fake teeth in, getting slobber all over Angelique an Rainy’s faces.
“No duh Jessica, what? Were you expecting them to be good considering you got them off the sidewalk after they fell out a the dumpster? Your such a frigan dip-shit.” Rainy said.
“Well my insurance wouldn’t cover new ones so I had to find something to attract the hot guys.” Jessica said, after putting the rotting green garbage teeth back in.
“Lets get some lunch, I’m starving.”
With that the old trio raced to the kitchen, as fast as their old bones/ canes/ and wheel chairs could take them, all wheezing and huffing as they reached their table.
“Hey sexi, get your ass over here, I want my lunch damn it.” Jessica yelled as she waved her wrinkly hand.
Another unfortunate young man in white hospital suit came over with a pen and paper.
“Alright ladies what is it you want for lunch today?” he asked
“Mr. Poppy and me want a ham and cheese sandwich with a coke.” Angelique said
“I want some of them nice fresh prunes and some apple juice.” Jessica said,
“And I want whatever is edible on this menu.” Rainy said with a dry sarcastic voice.
“Sure thing ladies I’ll see what I can do.” The young man hurried raced away.
************************************************************************ ***********************************
Day 3 in the nursing home started out normal….Well, normal for Angelique, Jessica, and Rainy at least.
“Rainy! Get in here and change my bed pan! I think I may have crapped myself during the night,” Angelique yelled as she rolled over and felt something squishy.
Rainy, being as pleasant as she always is, came in with her “I’m-imagining-you-dying-very-painfully” look on her face. They stayed there glaring at each other, Rainy with her look of hatred, and Angelique smiling like a dork.
“Change it yourself you old, good-for-nothin’ hag,” Rainy spat and turned around to leave.
Angelique sighed before muttering, “I was afraid you were going to say that…” She then pulled a squirt gun from her bedside table and began squirting Rainy. “Take that you evil bitch! Hahaha! Jessica, NOW!”
From a door to the side, Jessica came speeding in with a race car helmet on and ran over Rainy with her wheelchair. “AHHH!” Rainy yelled in surprise before she was bouncing around holding her foot. “YOU STUPID, MINDLESS, GOD FORSAKEN, USELESS WHORE! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!?!” She yelled to Jessica.
Jessica, being old and stupid and not knowing how to stop, ran into a wall and fell out of her wheelchair. She was now laying on the ground crying with laughter.
Angelique was laughing s hard that she was rolling around in her own crap because Rainy never cleaned it for her.
Rainy just shook her and started laughing too because she knew her friends were total worthless idiots who would laugh if somebody made a funny face while they were dying. “Whatever……..Let’s go get something to eat.” Just then she heard a loud fart that made Jessica start snorting with laughter.
Angelique was laying in bed with her eyes wide and her lips in an “O.” “Ummm……Rainy?” A slow smile started to form on Angelique’s mouth.
Dreading the worse, Rainy answered anyway. “What?”
Smiling like a 4-year-old, and clapping her hands like one too, she said, “I went poopy again!” The room now smelled of a foul odor…Much like that of crap.
Rainy shook her head and walked out of the room.
“HEY, YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME IN THIS STENCH! I’M AN F’ING CRIPPLE!” Jessica yelled after her.
Later, after Angelique’s doo-doo got cleaned up and Jessica was set right in her wheelchair, the trio went out to lunch….AT MCDONALD’S!
“I WANT A HAPPY MEAL!” Jessica exclaimed to the lady at the front counter. “Ma’am, you’re at least 60 years old. You’re too old for a happy meal,” the lady retaliated, trying to sell her a supersize meal.
“60? You little whipper-schnapper, I’m only 24,” she tried lying, which caused Rainy to snort and raise her eyebrows at Jessica in amusement. “Ok, maybe a little over 24, but not a day over 30!”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, I can’t give you a happy meal. They’re for the kids.”
“JUST GIVE HER THE F’ING HAPPY MEAL!” Rainy commanded, causing the lady to nod and type it in really fast. “Angelique, you’re turn to ord…..Where the hell is Angelique?!” She said looking around.
“You little brat, give me my cane so I can smack you with it!” Angelique said as she chased a 5 year old kid into the playplace and down the slide.
“No! You have to catch me old lady!” The bratty kid stuck is tongue out and blew a raspberry.
“Old? That hurt,” she said faking tears. The kid let his guard down for one second which was just enough time for Angelique to tackle him and take her cane back.
Security then came and threw the trio out, but not before Angelique blew a raspberry back at the kid.
“Hey Rainy!” Angelique yelled to her bestest buddy.
“What do you want now?” She spat, because we all know Rainy gets cranky when she’s hungry.
“I just wanted to let you know that even though you didn’t clean up my dukey this morning, I still love you.”
“Aww, well I’m touched,” Rainy said, smiling somewhat.
“Besides, that doctor was perty cute wasn’t he?” She said, winking to Jessica who was in the room with her at the time.
Angelique, Rainy, and Jessica ended the day by skipping back to the nursing home with their arms linked, except Jessica who couldn’t skip because she was crippled.
************************************************************************ ***********************************
Day 4
It had been only 4 days since Rainy, Angelique, and Jessica had arrived at the retirment home. Causing as much trouble as possible, Jessica now had a full time wheel around guy in white, Angelique had a man in white as well but with a straight Jacket in hand for just in case, and Rainy had 5 men in white because of her world domination plans, They thought Rainy had plans of suicidal! Not true though.
On there wonderful day, they all walked in the halls looking at all the doors, The men followed. Angelique looked at a certain door and walked up to it. She peeked into the little window and saw a man slamming into the walls in a straight jacket.
"I want to be just like him! The squishy walls look fun to jump into!" Angelique said as Rainy just glared at her shaking her head.
"I would join you! You would of course have to pick me up and toss me into the walls because of my crippled-ness..." Jessica said as she wheeled herself to Angelique.
"You guys are so retarded!" Rainy snapped as she quickly pulled Angeliques cane from under her making her fall, then yanked on Jessica's wheel chair making her fall out of it.
"She is evil isnt she?" the men whispered to each other as Rainy turned her head hearing them.
"Yes I am evil, and when I take over the world, You'll be the first to go!" Rainy gave them a dirty look. They finally realized why there were 5 of them to keep watch over her.
"Oh Oh Oh Pick me!" Angelique raiser her hands in the hair waving them. Rainy looked at her. tilted her head, then called on her. "CAN I DO THE TORTURING!? YOU PROMISED!" Angelique yelled.
"Yes you can." Rainy laughed a little
"Oh Oh Oh PICK ME!" Jessica yelled and again Rainy tilted her head and called on her. "Can I make them love me and break their hearts? You promised!" The men looked at Jessica and almost puked, One man did.
"Yes Jessica you can do that." Rainy laughed
"Jessica like I said before, Your old and de-crippled, and so much more, I dont think they want to fall in love with you." Angelique said as she walked towards Jessica to help her back into the wheel chair. "Man Jessica lay off the Jelly Beans. Damn your heavy!" Angelique complained as she managed to get Jessica back into the wheel chair.
"Well I havn't had a bag for a whole week because the bitch at the counter wouldn't give me my god-for-saken Senior Discount!" Jessica said as she adjusted herself in her seat.
"Jessica what happend? You usually always get your jelly beans." Rainy regretfully asked. Because they were all old, they're storie were long and boring.
"Oh I'll tell you what happend!" Jessica clenched her hand in a fist and slammed it down on her legs in which felt nothing because she is crippled. "I was at the store minding my own business when I went to the counter to pay for my food. The lady rang up my items of jelly beans and then told me the cost was $159.75. I thought this was outrages! I had only bought about 250 packets so I calmly asked if I could use my senior discount. She said she couldnt because it was candy and you cant get a discount on candy, so i took the bags that I could reach and opened them then chuking them at her. It was great but security was comming so I yelled 'SENIOR POWER BITCHES!' as I wheeled myself out of the store. The police got me because my wheel chair got stuck in the automatic doors. They kind of closed on me probably because the motion sensor only works for people who HAVE LEGS!"
"Oh so we cant have senior discounts on candy now!? What is up with this! Damn it Mr. Poppy and I are pissed now!" Angelique yelled in outrage.
"They all have major problems." the men yet again whispered to each other. Rainy with her acute hearing, heard them once again.
"Thats strike 2 you dumbshits! Just because im an old lady doesnt mean i cant take you out!" Rainy spat out as the men shivered. "Hell next time ill just give you to Jessica, let her handle you guys!" And again they almost puked, 2 guys did.
Jessica looked at the hot young men with a hunger in her eyes. She was yet again thinking her dirty thoughts. "Oh Rainy just let me have one! Please!" Jessica begged. It had been a while since she has seen a hot guy, almost 4 hours!
"Jessica next time i will." Rainy said as she watched the mens eyes widen.
"NO NOT NEXT TIME! I GET TO HAVE ONE FIRST TO TORTURE THEM!" Angelique yelled as she clicked Mr.Poppy real hard!
"Ok ok I'll let you have the first one, gosh!" Rainy yelled iritatedly.
Walking further down the halls Rainy could hear the men talking about them again. Angelique and Jessica were oblivious because their hearing sucked from all the heavy metal they listened to, and the fact that they were ratarded.
"What did i tell you?!" Rainy quickly turned around in an imidiate glare. "Hey Angelique and Jessica, come here. I have a little something for you!" Rainy smiled evily as Angelique wheeled Jessica over.
"What?" Angelique asked. Rainy opened a door and shoved all the men inside it.
"There you go." Rainy pointed to the door as Angelique pushed Jessica into yet another wall and ran into the door. Jessica got back into her wheel chair with her Mexican skills and also ran into the room. Rainy closed the door behinde them and watched from the other side what they were doing to the poor men. "If only this door had a bigger window!" Rainy said to herself as she watched the horrors the men were going through.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Day 5
It had only been 5 days that Angelique, Rainy, and Jessica had been in the retirment home. They knew how to have good times didn't they? They had been locked in a room together because of what they had done with the 5 men. Rainy was chained to the wall by her ankle, Angelique was an emotional wreck because they took Mr. Poppy away so she was in her little corner, and Jessica's wheel chair had tire locks on them so she couldn't wheel herself away.
"MR. POPPY! WHY!? WHY HIM!? YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN ME!!!!!!!!!!!" Angelique screamed as she put her old wrinkled face in her also wrinkled hands.
"God it's like I'm in the movie Saw," Rainy exclaimed "I am chained to a damn wall and the only way I could possibly get out is if I used Jessica's old nasty dentures!"
"Haha when I try to move my wheel chair, I always get stopped and it makes a 'Bump' sound!" Jessica said entertaining herself.
"God we have to get out of this! What kind of a retirment home is this? It's also like i'm in the movie Hostle, I'm in a place where I don't want to be and you two morons are my tormenters!" Rainy liked to use movies as explainations for Jessica and Angelique because they didn't know what she meant when she used real metophores.
"MR. POPPY!" Angelique kept yelling as she now banged her head into the wall. Jessica unbuckled her seatbelt that she had installed because Rainy kept violantly pushing her out of it and went over to comfort Angelique in her time of need.
"You know Angelique," Rainy thought her devious plan "You can go get Mr. Poppy if you go over there and open the door." Angelique shot up knocking the crippled Jessica off of her. She opened the door and found Mr. Poppy right there next to her cane.
"I FOUND YOU!" Angelique said grabbing her cane and Mr. Poppy.
"Grab the Keys for my chain and Jessica's wheel chair locks!" Rainy yelled. Angelique staired at the table looking around. She saw many shapes.
"Which is the Key? I only see something key shaped, something knife shaped, something candy shaped. OH CANDY i'll take that, and something hand shaped." Angelique exclaimed. The hand shaped object was Jessica's hand trying to reach out for help to get back in her wheel chair.
Rainy was now quite annoyed. "Umm lets see here. I don't know. Maybe it's the KEY SHAPED ONE!"
Angelique grabbed the key shaped object and gave it to Rainy. She unlocked herself and Jessica's wheel chair. She violantly threw Jessica in he wheel chair and took off. They managed to sneak out of the retirment home. Angelique made a big deal out of it though by pretending to be James Bond. She had her hands in the shape of a gun looking around every corner. She also rolled on the floor trying to be "stealthy" but she was FAR from it.
"Omg my heart is pumping so fast! LETS ROB A BANK!" Angelique exclaimed while jumping up and down.
" I agree!" Jessica said attempting to jump but failed horribly.
"Fine." Rainy said but then thought to herself. Since she was finally out of that hell hole she could take over the world! With her two retards by her side she would actually be unstopable! They were so stupid that they would magically do things right!
And with that, Jessica, Angelique, and Rainy set off to rob a bank.
"I want one of them electric scooters that they always show on television!"
The story isn't over yet!