Ouran High School Host Club Fan Fiction ❯ Revisiting Old Memories ❯ Memories ( Chapter 1 )

When I was writing this I had some songs running through my head.

At the beginning- Gomenasai by t,A.T.u

In the middle- Here comes Goodbye by Rascal Flatts

At the end- I'll wait for You by Tim McGraw… (I think it's by him anyway.)

I do not own Ouran High School Host Club of the songs mentioned above.

 

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Kaoru look at the butcher knife in his hands remembering the things that could be done with said weapon. Knowing the consequences. Knowing how the people around him would feel. Sadness. I'm going to miss him. Shock. I can't believe he would do something like that. Anger. How come I didn't notice? Sorrow. I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. Grief. I'm going to miss him. Helplessness. How could he leave me all alone? Sorrow. I didn't even get to say a proper goodbye. Aloneness. Now what? What do I do now?

 

 

All I have is a note… And the tears began to fall.

 

 

**Flashback**

 

 

The Hitachiin twins were working on a new design together, but Hikaru didn't seem as into it as usual. As of late he'd been more and more distant. Kaoru didn't know what to do about it, however. As Hikaru got more and more jumpy and paranoid, Kaoru began to wonder what was wrong and why his twin was closing him out. After An hour of pondering the possibilities, Hikaru spoke.

 

 

“Kaoru?”

 

 

“Yes Hikaru?”

 

 

“Tell me you love me.” It came out more as a question then a demand though. And Kaoru went around the table that was separating them to give his brother a firm hug.

 

 

“I love you. I always will.” And as an afterthought, “Are you ok?”

 

 

“Yeah… I was just… Feeling a little…” Hikaru struggled for words.

 

 

“It's ok. I understand. You're under a lot of stress. You should relax.” He felt his brother stiffen at his last comment. And wondered why.

 

 

“I will… later. I'm very sorry I have to do this to you, Kaoru. You'll understand someday. I just need to be alone.” Hikaru felt like crying as he left his twin's arms. After all he was truly sorry for doing this to his twin. But, sometimes, sorry isn't enough.

 

 

“Goodbye Kaoru. I love you.” Hikaru said as he passed through the doorway.

 

 

“Goodbye Hikaru. I love you too.” His twin called back. And it pained him that he didn't truly understand that there weren't going to be any more goodbyes or I love yous. With his twin's last words echoing through his mind, Hikaru had decided. And he was done. Done with everything. Love. Life. Living. Absolutely done. And nothing was going to change his mind.

 

 

**End Flashback**

 

 

Kaoru squeezed the handle of the knife more tightly, wondering why he hadn't noticed his twin's extremely odd behavior. He'd never gotten to tell his twin how much he truly loved him. Best friend. Family. Twin. Brother. His whole world. Everything.

 

 

**Flashback**

 

 

Hikaru ran. He ran from the room his brother was in. He ran from the world that didn't want him.

He ran from everything he'd ever known. He ran from everything he'd ever wanted. Hell, he even ran from himself. H wanted to escape. He wanted it all to end. And Hikaru Hitachiin always got what he wanted.

 

 

When he reached his room he closed the door and slid down it slowly, eyes closed. Memorizing the way the wood felt on his back. He opened his eyes slowly marveling at how his body obeyed his every command. He held both hands in front of his face looking at every minor detail. Taking it all in. He clenched and unclenched his hands, mesmerized. It was like every nerve ending in his body came alive allowing him to feel anything and everything. He kicked off his shoes doing the same with his feet as he was with his hands. After a few minutes the movements became slower as he fought the boredom of watching his muscles. He walked to his side of the closet and went back, his hand running along the wall. Searching. Soon he found the object of his desire. A shiny silver butcher knife, about five inches long. He picked it up and ran his finger along the blade, as if testing to see how sharp. Hikaru knew it was sharp though; he'd been doing this for a while now. He pulled off his long sleeved green shirt to reveal quite a few scars on his left forearm; no doubt made by that very knife.

 

 

Hikaru set down the blade gently, so as not to make a sound. He then traced his veins noting which ones were thicker and could kill him if they were to be cut. He'd done this before. But this time was different. Today was the last time he was ever going to do this. And he didn't want to cut the small veins. After all, today, his world ends. And he wasn't going to marvel in the pleasure pain the cutting would bring. No, tonight was about ending the pain and torture and suffering that some people dare to call life. It isn't life. Not to him. To him it was a living Hell.

 

 

**End Flashback**

 

Kaoru put the knife back in the box, still covered in his twin's blood, and slid it back under the shelves. He sat on the sheets where his twin had faded exactly one year ago. He looked at the sheets noting how they were the same as always. Still covered in blood. Still had the shirt his brother had been wearing then. The only difference was the placement of the note. His brother's last words.

 

 

**Flashback**

 

 

Hikaru slashed all of the biggest veins he could find on is arms and decided that he wasn't going to fade in the closet. He went to the bed he had shared with his twin. With him he brought his shirt, now stained with blood. His knife covered in his blood. And the note he he'd written the day before. Upon arriving at the bed he put the note on the bedside table. Put his shirt on his pillow. And laid down, knife still in hand.

 

 

“I'm sorry… Kaoru.” He whispered, smiling as he slipped into the darkness known as death.

 

 

**End Flashback**

 

 

Kaoru closed his eyes. Remembering. Remembering everything he had allowed himself to forget about the twin he never really knew.

 

 

Kaoru,

 

 

I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I couldn't take it anymore. I hope you get to do everything you've always wanted to do.

 

 

I love you,

 

 

Hikaru

 

 

 

 

I cried when I was typing this. I really did. This is the end result of how I feel sometimes. Kind of like a journal. Some of the beginning is how I know people feel after someone dies. Hikaru's thoughts and feelings are things I've really thought about. I've thought about suicide but I know a lot of people would miss me and I don't really want to do that to the people I love. I've never written anything like this. Didn't know I had it in me… Review.