Outlaw Star Fan Fiction ❯ The Cupid Chronicles ❯ Crazy Love ( Chapter 3 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Nate Grey 
Cachit messes with the heads of the McDougall Brothers, and Gene gets a male admirer...but it ain't Fred!
Anime/Manga: Outlaw Star Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Comedy / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.30.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.9K | Visits: 934 | Status: Completed
Cachit messes with the heads of the McDougall Brothers, and Gene gets a male admirer...but it ain't Fred!
Anime/Manga: Outlaw Star Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Comedy / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.30.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.9K | Visits: 934 | Status: Completed
The Cupid Chronicles 3: Crazy Love
Note: Harry fans, you do NOT want to read this. You've been warned.
Summary: You wouldn't believe what Cachit's got in store for these two brothers! Plus, Gene gains a male admirer...and it isn't Fred! (he's a little busy now...heh...) And if that wasn't enough, Suzuka returns, but with startling news!
Gene groaned and slowly opened his eyes, only to stare up the barrel of a large gun.
"So you're awake," the gun's owner said.
Gene's eyes narrowed as he recognized the voice. "Ron McDougall."
"That's right, Starwind. This time, there's nowhere to run. It's just you, me, and my gun."
Gene bit his lip and glanced around. He could see his guns lying a few feet away. Ron had most likely taken them and dumped out the bullets already.
"So where do you want it?" Ron asked, a smile forming on his face.
Before Gene could answer, there was a loud beeping.
Ron sighed in anger and pulled a radio out of his coat pocket. "What is it, Harry?"
"I'm onboard the Outlaw Star, and the ship is now secured."
Gene's eyes narrowed. "If you've hurt any of them-"
"You won't be able to do a thing to stop us," Ron interrupted. He spoke into the radio. "Good work, Harry. Find anything on our target?"
"Just some notes stashed in the kid's room. I don't think they know any more about it than we...what the hell?!"
A confused look passed over Ron's face. "What is it?"
There was a scream of pain, followed by the sound of the radio hitting the floor.
"Harry? HARRY!" Ron shouted.
Suddenly, the sound of heavy breathing came through. "Harry's out at the moment," a voice growled.
"Boy, is he ever," a voice in the background muttered.
Gene blinked in disbelief. "Jim?" he whispered.
"Who is this?!" Ron demanded.
"Just your friendly neighborhood Ctarl-Ctarl Protection Agents," Jim's cheerful voice replied. "Oh, and if you want your brother back in one piece, I suggest you get here before Aisha starts pulling off the limbs that aren't detachable."
Gene could only grin. "Looks like that plan of yours is falling apart."
Ron's hand whipped out, smashing the gun barrel across Gene's face. "On your feet, Starwind! Move it!"
Gene stumbled to his feet, wiping some blood from his chin. "Touchy, aren't we?"
Ron pressed the gun into his back. "Just start walking."
* * * * *
Melfina stared uneasily at Harry's bruised body as Aisha finished typing him up.
"Don't worry, Mel," Jim said, patting her shoulder. "He can't hurt you now."
As if on cue, Harry's eyes snapped open. They glanced around the room, until his gaze landed on Melfina. His expression softened a bit, but there was still a frightening look in his eyes. "Melfina," he whispered, trying to lean forward. "I knew I'd find you!"
Melfina backed away. "He's scaring me!"
Aisha reached over and pounded Harry on the forehead, causing him to hit the floor, along with the chair he was tied to. "Problem solved," she said simply.
Jim grinned. "That was cool, the way you bit off his arm."
"Yeah, well, when you're gifted," Aisha said, flashing him a smile.
"What about Gene?" Melfina asked.
"Ron's bringing him right now," Jim answered. "We'll trade Harry for Gene. I don't know about Suzuka. Gilliam hasn't been able to find her anywhere on this planet. I guess it's deserted, other than the little guy we're looking for."
The words were barely out of his mouth when Cachit appeared in front of them. He let out a delighted squeal and flew into Aisha's arms.
"Whoa! Where did he come from?" Jim asked.
"I don't know," Aisha replied as Cachit tried to lick her face, "but he sure is happy to see me."
"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" Harry suddenly screamed from the floor. Of course, he didn't look very threatening all tied up, but his face was fairly alarming.
Cachit growled and flew over to Harry.
"Um...what do you think he's gonna do?" Jim whispered to Aisha.
Aisha shrugged. "Whatever he does, it should be fun to watch."
* * * * *
When Ron and Gene got within a yard of the ship, Aisha appeared, dragging a somewhat conscious Harry with her.
Ron stopped where he was. "Hold it right there! What have you done to Harry?!"
"Probably the same thing you did to Gene," Aisha replied, noticing the blood dripping from Gene's chin. "You ready to trade or what?"
Ron frowned and nodded, poking Gene in the back. "Move it."
Gene slowly started forward, as did Harry, who was still trying to clear his head. As they passed each other, Harry suddenly shook his head, turned around, and gasped. He broke into a mad run, but in the wrong direction.
"Harry, what are you doing?!" Ron shouted.
Harry kept running, closing in on Gene.
"Gene, LOOK OUT!" Aisha screamed.
Gene whipped around, barely pulling the gun from his boot in time.
But Harry didn't even seem to notice the gun. He shoved Gene out of the way and kept going. His objective soon became clear: he was trying to board the Outlaw Star.
Aisha took off after Harry, while Gene stared at them, at puzzled look on his face. He didn't have time to watch long as a gun barrel pressed against his ear.
"Well, you're still dead," Ron muttered, preparing to fire.
Gene was the first to notice Cachit hovering behind Ron's head. "Don't look now, but I think we've got you covered."
Ron blinked in confusion, then risked a glance behind him. He started, then turned his gun on Cachit. "I knew you were hiding him somewhere, Starwind!"
Cachit seemed to explode before his eyes and Ron was thrown backwards by the force, slamming into Gene. They both hit the ground hard as Cachit materialized a few seconds later.
Gene quickly grabbed his gun and Ron's, while Ron slowly made it to his knees, shaking his head to clear the cobwebs.
"Don't move, McDougall," Gene ordered, training both guns on him.
Ron looked up, revealing the bizarre expression on his face. Gene couldn't figure it out at first, but he knew he'd seen that look somewhere before. Ron got up and started walking toward him.
"I said don't move!" Gene shouted, starting to squeeze the triggers.
But Ron just kept coming.
Gene suddenly knew where he'd seen the look before. His face twisted in horror, but by then, it was too late.
Ron leaped at him, knocking the guns away. He came in low with a shoulder block, his weight hitting Gene in the abdomen. Gene fell down, the wind knocked out of him. Before he could recover, Ron had pinned both his arms, and the bizarre look was still there, looking even more frightening up close.
"Finally got you," Ron muttered, his eyes growing to little slits of anger. "No more running, Starwind." And then, he started to lower his face to Gene's.
Gene wanted to scream, but considering what Ron was about to do, decided that wasn't the best course of action. Fortunately, he got his knee up and slammed it into Ron's privates.
Ron's face twisted in pain, and he fell away, groaning quietly.
Gene scrambled to his feet and recovered the guns, again training them on his opponent. He turned his head to glare at Cachit. "This is all your fault!" he shouted.
Cachit didn't look the slightest bit guilty. In fact, he seemed to be pleased with his work.
* * * * *
After tying up Ron, Gene and Cachit returned to ship, only to be greeted by a strange sight. Aisha, Jim, and Melfina were all standing on the bridge, their mouths wide open in shock.
"What's going on?" Gene asked. "What's everyone staring at?"
Wordlessly, Jim raised his hand and pointed.
Gene took one look and nearly lost his lunch.
Harry was perched on top of Gene's chair, but that wasn't the bad thing. For starters, he was naked. And it only got worse from there. One couldn't really be sure at this point, but it appeared as if Harry was trying to have sex with the grappler console.
A few seconds later, there was a light thump as Melfina passed out onto the floor.
This was followed by several minutes of stunned silence, until Gilliam finally screamed, "SOMEBODY GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!"
* * * * *
"I think I've got it figured out," Jim said after dinner.
"Got what figured out?" Gene asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"I know how Cachit's survived this long. He makes people fall in love with people or things they wouldn't normally fall for."
"In other words, he's a sick little pervert," Gene offered.
"Look who's talking," Aisha muttered under her breath.
Cachit, who was sitting in Aisha's lap, growled at Gene.
Gene glared at them both. "Well, I never thought I'd say this, but we still don't know where Suzuka is."
"Maybe we should ask Cachit," Jim suggested.
"How about it, little guy?" Aisha asked. "Think you can bring Suzu back?"
Suzuka instantly appeared in front of them, but something was wrong.
"Is she...SMILING?!" Gene asked in disbelief.
"I've got great news, everyone," she said.
"Fred's gonna pay us double?" Gene guessed.
"No, but it has to do with him." Suzuka's smile became even wider. "Fred and I are getting married!"
Gene blinked a few times. "Why?" he said at last.
"I'm pregnant!" she replied.
Gene blinked again. Then he fell out of his chair, rolling on the floor with laughter.
"So Fred's bi?" Aisha asked, turning to look at Jim.
"Apparently," Jim replied with a shrug. "Or maybe he gave up being gay."
Gene finally recovered, still chuckling quietly. "So...heh...you got knocked up...heh heh...by FRED?! BA HA HA!!!" He fell across the table, laughing so hard that tears formed in his eyes.
"Wait," Jim said. "I thought he had to marry the strongest woman in the universe?"
Suzuka blushed. "He does. He said that any woman that could do to him what I did had to be the strongest in the universe."
Jim turned red, while Aisha stared at them all, obviously confused. Gene was still lying across the table, snickering to himself. Melfina was trying to figure out how Suzuka had gotten pregnant by a gay man. Cachit, of course, was grinning proudly.
* * * * *
The El Dorado cruised aimlessly through space, guided only by the blinking light marked "Auto Pilot."
The McDougall Brothers, still tied up, were obviously in no condition to fly.
Ron whimpered quietly. "It's not fair. I almost had him. And now...I've lost him all over again!" He hid his face in his hands and sobbed. "GENE, I LOVE YOU!"
On the other side of him, Harry was in even worse shape. "They can't keep us apart, my love," he whispered, chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip. "Soon, we'll be together again. And then no one will be able to spoil our happiness." The traced the curves of his lover on the blueprint he'd managed to steal. "Yes, we will be reunited, my darling Gilliam! I SWEAR IT!"
The El Dorado continued on, drifting further and further into space.
Continued in Part 3: Wrath of a Drunk Cupid
If you thought Cachit's matchmaking was bad before, wait until you see him hopped up on Aisha's infamous Ctarl-Ctarl Stew! Plus, Jim finds that love doesn't always need guidance; sometimes it just needs...milk??? Also, wedding bells are ringing for Fred & Suzuka, but somebody's got a major objection!
Note: Harry fans, you do NOT want to read this. You've been warned.
Summary: You wouldn't believe what Cachit's got in store for these two brothers! Plus, Gene gains a male admirer...and it isn't Fred! (he's a little busy now...heh...) And if that wasn't enough, Suzuka returns, but with startling news!
Gene groaned and slowly opened his eyes, only to stare up the barrel of a large gun.
"So you're awake," the gun's owner said.
Gene's eyes narrowed as he recognized the voice. "Ron McDougall."
"That's right, Starwind. This time, there's nowhere to run. It's just you, me, and my gun."
Gene bit his lip and glanced around. He could see his guns lying a few feet away. Ron had most likely taken them and dumped out the bullets already.
"So where do you want it?" Ron asked, a smile forming on his face.
Before Gene could answer, there was a loud beeping.
Ron sighed in anger and pulled a radio out of his coat pocket. "What is it, Harry?"
"I'm onboard the Outlaw Star, and the ship is now secured."
Gene's eyes narrowed. "If you've hurt any of them-"
"You won't be able to do a thing to stop us," Ron interrupted. He spoke into the radio. "Good work, Harry. Find anything on our target?"
"Just some notes stashed in the kid's room. I don't think they know any more about it than we...what the hell?!"
A confused look passed over Ron's face. "What is it?"
There was a scream of pain, followed by the sound of the radio hitting the floor.
"Harry? HARRY!" Ron shouted.
Suddenly, the sound of heavy breathing came through. "Harry's out at the moment," a voice growled.
"Boy, is he ever," a voice in the background muttered.
Gene blinked in disbelief. "Jim?" he whispered.
"Who is this?!" Ron demanded.
"Just your friendly neighborhood Ctarl-Ctarl Protection Agents," Jim's cheerful voice replied. "Oh, and if you want your brother back in one piece, I suggest you get here before Aisha starts pulling off the limbs that aren't detachable."
Gene could only grin. "Looks like that plan of yours is falling apart."
Ron's hand whipped out, smashing the gun barrel across Gene's face. "On your feet, Starwind! Move it!"
Gene stumbled to his feet, wiping some blood from his chin. "Touchy, aren't we?"
Ron pressed the gun into his back. "Just start walking."
* * * * *
Melfina stared uneasily at Harry's bruised body as Aisha finished typing him up.
"Don't worry, Mel," Jim said, patting her shoulder. "He can't hurt you now."
As if on cue, Harry's eyes snapped open. They glanced around the room, until his gaze landed on Melfina. His expression softened a bit, but there was still a frightening look in his eyes. "Melfina," he whispered, trying to lean forward. "I knew I'd find you!"
Melfina backed away. "He's scaring me!"
Aisha reached over and pounded Harry on the forehead, causing him to hit the floor, along with the chair he was tied to. "Problem solved," she said simply.
Jim grinned. "That was cool, the way you bit off his arm."
"Yeah, well, when you're gifted," Aisha said, flashing him a smile.
"What about Gene?" Melfina asked.
"Ron's bringing him right now," Jim answered. "We'll trade Harry for Gene. I don't know about Suzuka. Gilliam hasn't been able to find her anywhere on this planet. I guess it's deserted, other than the little guy we're looking for."
The words were barely out of his mouth when Cachit appeared in front of them. He let out a delighted squeal and flew into Aisha's arms.
"Whoa! Where did he come from?" Jim asked.
"I don't know," Aisha replied as Cachit tried to lick her face, "but he sure is happy to see me."
"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" Harry suddenly screamed from the floor. Of course, he didn't look very threatening all tied up, but his face was fairly alarming.
Cachit growled and flew over to Harry.
"Um...what do you think he's gonna do?" Jim whispered to Aisha.
Aisha shrugged. "Whatever he does, it should be fun to watch."
* * * * *
When Ron and Gene got within a yard of the ship, Aisha appeared, dragging a somewhat conscious Harry with her.
Ron stopped where he was. "Hold it right there! What have you done to Harry?!"
"Probably the same thing you did to Gene," Aisha replied, noticing the blood dripping from Gene's chin. "You ready to trade or what?"
Ron frowned and nodded, poking Gene in the back. "Move it."
Gene slowly started forward, as did Harry, who was still trying to clear his head. As they passed each other, Harry suddenly shook his head, turned around, and gasped. He broke into a mad run, but in the wrong direction.
"Harry, what are you doing?!" Ron shouted.
Harry kept running, closing in on Gene.
"Gene, LOOK OUT!" Aisha screamed.
Gene whipped around, barely pulling the gun from his boot in time.
But Harry didn't even seem to notice the gun. He shoved Gene out of the way and kept going. His objective soon became clear: he was trying to board the Outlaw Star.
Aisha took off after Harry, while Gene stared at them, at puzzled look on his face. He didn't have time to watch long as a gun barrel pressed against his ear.
"Well, you're still dead," Ron muttered, preparing to fire.
Gene was the first to notice Cachit hovering behind Ron's head. "Don't look now, but I think we've got you covered."
Ron blinked in confusion, then risked a glance behind him. He started, then turned his gun on Cachit. "I knew you were hiding him somewhere, Starwind!"
Cachit seemed to explode before his eyes and Ron was thrown backwards by the force, slamming into Gene. They both hit the ground hard as Cachit materialized a few seconds later.
Gene quickly grabbed his gun and Ron's, while Ron slowly made it to his knees, shaking his head to clear the cobwebs.
"Don't move, McDougall," Gene ordered, training both guns on him.
Ron looked up, revealing the bizarre expression on his face. Gene couldn't figure it out at first, but he knew he'd seen that look somewhere before. Ron got up and started walking toward him.
"I said don't move!" Gene shouted, starting to squeeze the triggers.
But Ron just kept coming.
Gene suddenly knew where he'd seen the look before. His face twisted in horror, but by then, it was too late.
Ron leaped at him, knocking the guns away. He came in low with a shoulder block, his weight hitting Gene in the abdomen. Gene fell down, the wind knocked out of him. Before he could recover, Ron had pinned both his arms, and the bizarre look was still there, looking even more frightening up close.
"Finally got you," Ron muttered, his eyes growing to little slits of anger. "No more running, Starwind." And then, he started to lower his face to Gene's.
Gene wanted to scream, but considering what Ron was about to do, decided that wasn't the best course of action. Fortunately, he got his knee up and slammed it into Ron's privates.
Ron's face twisted in pain, and he fell away, groaning quietly.
Gene scrambled to his feet and recovered the guns, again training them on his opponent. He turned his head to glare at Cachit. "This is all your fault!" he shouted.
Cachit didn't look the slightest bit guilty. In fact, he seemed to be pleased with his work.
* * * * *
After tying up Ron, Gene and Cachit returned to ship, only to be greeted by a strange sight. Aisha, Jim, and Melfina were all standing on the bridge, their mouths wide open in shock.
"What's going on?" Gene asked. "What's everyone staring at?"
Wordlessly, Jim raised his hand and pointed.
Gene took one look and nearly lost his lunch.
Harry was perched on top of Gene's chair, but that wasn't the bad thing. For starters, he was naked. And it only got worse from there. One couldn't really be sure at this point, but it appeared as if Harry was trying to have sex with the grappler console.
A few seconds later, there was a light thump as Melfina passed out onto the floor.
This was followed by several minutes of stunned silence, until Gilliam finally screamed, "SOMEBODY GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!"
* * * * *
"I think I've got it figured out," Jim said after dinner.
"Got what figured out?" Gene asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"I know how Cachit's survived this long. He makes people fall in love with people or things they wouldn't normally fall for."
"In other words, he's a sick little pervert," Gene offered.
"Look who's talking," Aisha muttered under her breath.
Cachit, who was sitting in Aisha's lap, growled at Gene.
Gene glared at them both. "Well, I never thought I'd say this, but we still don't know where Suzuka is."
"Maybe we should ask Cachit," Jim suggested.
"How about it, little guy?" Aisha asked. "Think you can bring Suzu back?"
Suzuka instantly appeared in front of them, but something was wrong.
"Is she...SMILING?!" Gene asked in disbelief.
"I've got great news, everyone," she said.
"Fred's gonna pay us double?" Gene guessed.
"No, but it has to do with him." Suzuka's smile became even wider. "Fred and I are getting married!"
Gene blinked a few times. "Why?" he said at last.
"I'm pregnant!" she replied.
Gene blinked again. Then he fell out of his chair, rolling on the floor with laughter.
"So Fred's bi?" Aisha asked, turning to look at Jim.
"Apparently," Jim replied with a shrug. "Or maybe he gave up being gay."
Gene finally recovered, still chuckling quietly. "So...heh...you got knocked up...heh heh...by FRED?! BA HA HA!!!" He fell across the table, laughing so hard that tears formed in his eyes.
"Wait," Jim said. "I thought he had to marry the strongest woman in the universe?"
Suzuka blushed. "He does. He said that any woman that could do to him what I did had to be the strongest in the universe."
Jim turned red, while Aisha stared at them all, obviously confused. Gene was still lying across the table, snickering to himself. Melfina was trying to figure out how Suzuka had gotten pregnant by a gay man. Cachit, of course, was grinning proudly.
* * * * *
The El Dorado cruised aimlessly through space, guided only by the blinking light marked "Auto Pilot."
The McDougall Brothers, still tied up, were obviously in no condition to fly.
Ron whimpered quietly. "It's not fair. I almost had him. And now...I've lost him all over again!" He hid his face in his hands and sobbed. "GENE, I LOVE YOU!"
On the other side of him, Harry was in even worse shape. "They can't keep us apart, my love," he whispered, chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip. "Soon, we'll be together again. And then no one will be able to spoil our happiness." The traced the curves of his lover on the blueprint he'd managed to steal. "Yes, we will be reunited, my darling Gilliam! I SWEAR IT!"
The El Dorado continued on, drifting further and further into space.
Continued in Part 3: Wrath of a Drunk Cupid
If you thought Cachit's matchmaking was bad before, wait until you see him hopped up on Aisha's infamous Ctarl-Ctarl Stew! Plus, Jim finds that love doesn't always need guidance; sometimes it just needs...milk??? Also, wedding bells are ringing for Fred & Suzuka, but somebody's got a major objection!