Peace Maker Kurogane Fan Fiction ❯ Drifting ❯ Part 1: Fighting ( Chapter 1 )

It's December again, Ayu-nee. The year is 1867. Are you watching over us? Are you seeing all of this? We're back in Edo, the 30 or so of us that escaped the slaughter alive. We're hiding in an inn. It's a bit run-down, but it's nice, Ayumu. Tetsu-kun is gone, he and Tatsunosuke-san...I don't know what happened to them. Susumu is here. He's alive at least, battered as he is. I think he's worried about Tetsu-kun too. He's quieter than he was even after you... I have to wonder sometimes if I'll see any of them smile again, as we did at the Shiei Hall, and in Kyotou too. I wish the trio would joke about something, but the three jokers have gotten serious. Their drunken hilarity is frighteningly sober. Kondo-san tries to get them roused like he used to. He eggs them with jokes, and insults, and teases until Sano cracks a smile like in Mibu. But none of them are as joyful. Even Hijikata-san is beginning to miss them, I think. As for me, Ayu-nee, I feel raw. It makes me shiver when I think about what is still after us, what we could still face one day. It makes me want to cry. I want to be close to them all. I want our bonds to be seamless as they were before, but the more I want it, the further I seem to get from them. Sometimes, it's like I can barely hear Hijikata-sans voice when he's sitting right next to me at the table. I wonder, Ayumu, will we ever be able to live happily again? The morning sun was bright over Edo as Okita, Souji walked aimlessly through town. Children flocked to him now an again calling him by the name of "Soujiro". It was his alias as of late. He was alone except for them. It was harder to escape the eyes of his comrades now that they were in such close quarters again. Taking up residence under an assumed name at a local Inn. As it was he was sharing a room with Hijikata and Kondo. If getting out from under their repremanding gazes wasn't enough, he had the trio stalking his every move now too. They acted as if they were afraid he was stupid enough to do something to get them all killed. Lost in his thoughts he ran into something nonchalauntly and was sent realing backwards.

"I know you don't like him...", Suzu said softly to the red skull that he was carrying, "but I do love him, Master...He's so unlike you that I just- can't leave him alone..." Suzu chuckled, "but then again I couldn't leave you alone eithe-" Suzu jumped sharply as he ran into some one, he'd been sucked into his talking to his master's skull that he really hadn't been looking where he'd been going and had knocked someone clean over. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

"What about Tetsu?!", Suzu demanded, a worried look on his face as he stared at the strange men. The larger one looked at him curiously. "You know Tetsu-kun?", the white haired boy nodded and the man that he knocked over smiled sadly at him. "We haven't seen him in two years. We got a letter a while ago from Tetus saying that he's going to come to Edo after the festival in Kyoto...", Suzu seemed let down. "Is he okay atleast?", he asked pathetically.Souji grinned up at his trampler. "I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going." he laughed and slowly picked himself up, dusting off as he did. Suzu stared at him. He looked familiar but... "THERE YOU ARE!" a voice behind the plum-haired male screamed and Souji turned to see Shinpachi looking steamed. He was pointing at him objectively and glaring in a chibified way. "What the hell, man!?" Sano asked as the trio, led by a stomping Shin-chan, came up to their comrade and his assaulter. "We have been looking for you ALL MORNING!" the red-head screamed and Souji looked up at the sky smiling. "I wanted to take a walk." he said simply, his eyes growing distant as they looked at the azure setting. "I wonder...how is our boy doing?" he mumbled and the trio glanced at eachother. Sano touched his shoulder. "Don't worry about it so much. They're supposed to be here any day." Souji nodded and smiled back at the man. "I worry about Tetsu-kun." he said softly. Suzu blinked, and his eyes widened. had this man said...? Before he could stop himself Suzu leaped on the plum-haired man and pinned him down, staring at him desperately.

"He is." Souji said gently as the boy climbed off of him. "Are you visiting for the New Year festival?" he asked gently, and Suzu nodded as Souji was helped up. Suzu's stomach gave a loud gurgle and the tan boy blushed brightly of embarrassment. The red-head spoke up now. "There's an inn where we're staying at. If you're hungry, there's a restaurant in front." The bear-like man jabbed a thumbs up. "Man, the food's awesome!" Suzu had to laugh at them. The two were so strange to him. But it felt good to laugh. Like it had when Yoshida-sensei was alive and the two of them would go out to a comical Geisha play. It was nice. Souji patted his shoulder and gave the boy a gentle shove toward Shinpachi and Sanosuke. "Go get some food. We'll pay." he said in the motherly tone he often used for Tetsu. Suzu pinked a little as the plum-haired captain reminded him of his own mother. But it was only for a moment as the tall one grabbed him by the arm and the two draggen him off telling him of all the foods he was going to try. As he was taken away he looked back at Souji who stood smiling in the distancing street. Catching the look Souji waved and an image of his mother ran through Suzu's mind. He couldn't see her face, but he could make out her body standing there in her plain kimono. Once the three of them were out of sight Souji sunk into an alley nearby. Laying a hand on the side of his face, then covering his mouth he began to cough. Knealing down the coughing grew strenuous and painful. At last it stopped and he pulled his hand away, looking at the palm speckled with spots of crimson. Rubbing his mouth with his knuckles, he brought back blood from the corner of his mouth. "Time is getting shorter, Ayu-nee...I wonder, will I see the next new year?" he mumbled to himself.

Suzu stared at the plate piled high with food that the big man had gotten for him. "This is a bit too much for me...", he stated softly, placing his chopsticks next to the plate without taking a bite and snaking his hand into his cloak to touch the red skull that he'd hidden before he'd run that man down. "Master would not want me getting fat...", his smile was that of a comical one and the other men stared at him like he was stupid. "You're not going to get fat!", Sano said lightly; Shimpachi giggled. "Yeah, look at you, you're skin and bone!", Suzu smiled gently and reached for his chopstick again. "I suppose one bite wont kill me...", he stated, realizing that the men weren't going to drop it until he tried some of the food they had offered to him. The bite was delicious; and perhaps he had forgotten how wonderful food could have tasted because before he knew it, he was scarfing down the food like there was no tomarrow. But not just that, he was crying and he realy didn't know why. "Hey are you okay?!", Shimpachi jumped sharply as without warning the boy started to cry as he ate the food that had been set before him.

Suzu watched them all silently, wondering blandly of what Tetsu was doing right about now; he missed his little love like nothing else. Turning to look out the window he, leaned back and sighed. "Hey, what's that?", Shinpachi asked curiously as he pointed at Suzu; the white haired boy looked down curiously to see what he was pointing at and found that his kimono had gone a little lax and the top of the red skull was showing. In kindof a daze, he touched it gently, running his long fingernails over the hardened laquer; he really didn't notice that all the men at the table had turned to look at him. "C'mon, spill, what is it?", Shinpachi insisted; Suzu quickly pulled his kimono back over the prized posession and turned to stare out the window, Master had liked to do things in private, it would anger him if he spoke. Shinpachi would have insisted if Kondo hadn't told him to leave the boy alone; silently Suzu thanked him.Suzu whiped his eyes and smiled. "I'm sorry, I just haven't had anything this good in a long time." he tried to smile and the two smiled back at him. A waitress walked by, scooping up his empty plate and leaving another in its place. Suzu didn't hesitate in eating this as well, slower this time, as the older men watched. As he finished his fourth plate of food, the curtain over the hallway that led to the rooms of the inn was pushed back, and through the doorway stepped a heavy-set man in his late Fourties. His black hair was in a low topknot and he looked tired. These times must have put their toll on him. "Why're you back so early? We weren't looking for you until dark." he stated, peaking around the jokers to see Suzu sitting there. He smiled at him kindly and stepped over to the table. "And who are you?" he asked gently, giving the image of a grandfather to Suzu. "Uh...Kitamura, Suzu." he mumbled, bowing slightly and the man smiled wider, then his look became serious as he looked back at Shinpachi and Sano. "Why's Soujiro not with you?" he asked, sounding a little nervous. The two were about to answer when the outside door opened and Souji walked in, slightly pale, but smiling as usual. He passed them, stretching his back with arms up in the air. "That was refreshing." he said, being sure they could hear him as he walked through the back hall and out of sight. As he had stretched, passing Suzu, the Choshu boy noticed a speckle of red on the inside of his right sleeve. The others must not have seen it, though, because they went back to chattering contently.

Souji stepped into the room he was sharing with his superiors to find Hijikata was in it, smoking out a back window. Smiling at him he seated himself on the other side of the window, leaning back against the wall. He was silent. "You ran off again." Souji closed his eyes, hanging his head as if he were tired. "I'm sorry, Hijikata-san." he mumbled and the ex-vice commander tapped out his pipe on the sill, pouring them both tea that he had ordered some time ago. It was still warm. Souji declined it when he was offered and Mr. Hijikata frowned. "You're awfully quiet." he said gently and Souji smiled at him, lifting his head slightly. "You're dreaming, Hijikata-san." he whispered and Toushi rubbed his neck before refilling and lighting his pipe. Breathing in slowly and blowing out a cloud of smoke through the window, he watched Souji fall asleep. Souji slept more during the day than at night and the fact carried with it a certain uneasiness. Kondo smiled at Suzu who had fallen asleep against the window. "He's a child." he laughed quietly and excused himself as Susumu walked through the door. He would have news of Heisuke and Tetsu, he knew. After all Susumu always had news of Tetsu.

"any news?", Kondo asked curiously and Susumu smiled. "Actually, yeah", the watcher gave a smile, "he arrived in town just tonight", Kondo smiled. "Really? Where is he staying, don't tell me he's planning on staying at a lowgrade hotel...", Susumu chuckled. "I don't know..where are you staying Tetsu?", Susumu looked back at the doorway where Tetsu had appeared. "I was going to stay here, if it's not too crowded already", the redhead said lightly; he looked around, "I wouldn't call this a lowgrade-" He stopped as his eyes fell on Suzu's from, crumpled in a booth, his head on the window sill. Immediatly, he was walking away from the commander and crawling into the booth to see if the boy was really there or if he was dreaming it. Touching the white haired boy's hair, he almost felt tears gather in his eyes as he leaned down and kissed the boy's cheek. "Hey Suzu, didn't anyone ever tell you that you're not supposed to sleep in public?", he asked softly as the boy opened his eyes slowly. At first Suzu thought he was dreaming, Tetsu was crouched above him smiling just like he had before. But- this Tetsu was older, he looked older, like he'd aged somehow, but he was still just as beautiful as the last day that Suzu had seen him. Reaching up, he touched the boy's cheek. "Tetsu?", he asked; the boy smiled and nodded, "you're really here? I'm not- I'm not dreaming?" Tetsu shook his head and the white haired boy smiled and hugged him tightly, kissing him without remorse in full view of the other men that were in the room.

The morning came too early for all but Souji who had been sitting awake in the corner of his room all night. He hated the night because he couldn't sleep; and he hated the day because all he wanted to do was sleep. Dawn was peeking now and Kondo and Toshi were still sleeping; but he could get up and leave the room without Toshi yelling at him. Picking himself up, he opened the door and headed down the hall, toward the stairs that lead down to the restaurant. He would go for breakfast and sit there until someone woke up.Susumu watched them for a minute then bowed to Kondo. "I'll be going now, sir." he said and Kondo nodded. Without a second glance at the red-head he walked out. Kondo watched him go for a moment then headed for the backroom.

Reaching the restaurant he sank into a seat by a slotted window. Curling up slightly, he layed his head on the windowsill. His eyes closed momentarily and he was asleep a minute later. "Sano! Don't wake him up!" Shinpachi's voice invaded his dream as Souji came back to consciousness. His eyes remained closed. "What am I supposed to do? The owner wants him put in a room." the man snapped. Shinpachi gave a groan. "I don't know! Go get Hijikata-san!" he said, sounding desperate. Souji's eyes opened at that and he uncurled enough to sit up in the booth. Glancing up at the duo he rubbed his eye tiredly. "I don't sleep that heavily." he sounded moody and held his shoulders attempting to warm them. Climbing to his feet he headed back to the bedrooms crabbilly. Susumu found him against the wall about halfway there, sitting on the floor with his hand over his mouth. The 20-year-old knelt and touched his friends shoulder. Souji's squinted eyes opened halfway and he brought his hand down, forcing a smile. "Yamazaki." he said softly, cutting off with a coughing fit. Suzu sat with Tetsu at breakfast, catching up and chattering just like in the old days.
Suzu smiled gently at Tetsu and Tetsu smiled just as gently back; it made Susumu sick. He hated it; seeing them together like that; seeing them so happy with eachother. He fucking hated it! Slamming out the door after Souji was taken care of, he climbed to the roof of the hotel and sat there in the bright morning sun, Silently throwing stones at the roofs of other buildings and swearing at them in his mind. Damn it he wanted Ayu-nee there, she would have known what to do, how to handle this. But she wasn't here to help him; she was gone, he'd lost her...and now.. Tears gathered in his eyes...he was losing Tetsu too.... "Why did you leave the room!", Toshi demanded, glaring at Souji who sat in the corner, the purple haired man smiled. "Cuz it's so BORING in here!"

Toushi's glare grew severe. "You're pushing your health." he snarled and Souji waved a hand. "Don't be silly." He closed one eye and made it look like he was scoffing to the wall. "I think you're let yourself sleep too late. There must be mushrooms in your ears." he grinned behind his hand and Toushi slammed his hand down. "Souji!" the vice commander looked seriously angry and Souji leaned back against the wall looking at the ceiling. "I'm going for a walk." he said at last, getting to his feet and bowing before stepping out. Hijikata sighed aloud and bit down hard on his pipe. "Damn it, Souji!" he growled, realizing he'd let the man get away with too much over the years. To give HIM so much cool. He was actually angry with his plum-haired subordinate. It was the first time since Souji had fought Ichimura on the red-head's injuction day. But then Souji had given his opinion respect. Now it seemed like all he did was skip around Toushi's own emotions, pushing himself like this. Susumu was sitting on the roof when Souji walked outside and smiled up at him. "Let's go for a walk. You can tell me what's on your mind." he said gently and the former spy thought of snubbing him before actually climbing down.

"A don wanna talk abaout it.", the watcher said immediately; Souji smiled. "What is it Susumu?", he asked gently, giving the watcher the same look that he usually gave Tetsu. Susumu stared at the ground and the older male smiled wider, "you know, keeping it bottled up isn't really going to help, it'll just make it worse when it finally breaks out of your control." Susumu sighed, he knew that; knew that all too well, but- he just didn't want to- "It's abaout Tetsu", he said softly; Souji smiled, he'd thought so. "What about him?" "A don know...A'm just- losing him..."
Souji smiled sweetly and began to walk, the watcher following him slowly. They were quiet for a long time before Souji spoke. "If you're worried about it, talk to him about it. I doubt he'll avoid it, you're his best friend after all." Souji smiled and Susumu saw something frail in his face. Something weak and tired and scared of something uncertain. It was only for a moment because Souji was gawking in a candy shop a moment later. Susumu sighed and looked up into the sky. 'What do you think, sister?' he asked silently as he ignored the feminine ex-captain. 'What is it you think I should do?' she didn't answer, instead the sound of a crash caused Susumu to jerk back into life. Souji stood in the middle of a puddle of strewn candy, obviously having dropped the tray. He was staring at his hands with wide eyes as was the store owner. A woman with a kind-looking face. "Are you alright, dear?" Souji smiled and crossed his arms, shielding his hands with his sleeves. "Hai! I'm fine, I'm sorry! I'll pay for the candy I spilled." he said and Susumu stared at him. He could see Souji's hands shivering and shaking against his waist from behind. It looked like Souji couldn't control it and couldn't help the woman clean up the candy, instead he shakilly counted out the money for what he'd spilled.
A dark and forboding fear gripped him then, why did he have a bad feeling about that shaking?Slowly walking forward, he grabbed ahold of Souji's hands to still them and silently helped the woman clean up the candy. "A'm sorry Miss...", he said gently, placing all of the spilled candy in a bag and handing her the money that Souji had counted out. The woman smiled. "It's fine, it's no big deal.", Susumu nodded. "Thank ya...", the woman nodded as they both stood. "No problem." Souji wanted to cry, why couldn't he stop it? Why couldn't he stop the shaking in his hands? They were out of his controll; they were moving of their own accord. Clasping them together tightly, he rubbed them together when the shaking didn't stop. He knew that Susumu had noticed; he knew because the watcher had taken his hand just as he'd walked in. Souji felt sick; he felt wrong. They just wouldn't stop shaking!
Shaking his hands he preyed the shaking stopped. It didn't. Gripping his hands together as tightly as he could he knelt and held them against his stomach as he crouched against a building. Susumu crouched beside him. "How long they been doin' that?" he asked gently and Souji shook his fists against his lap. "I don't know." Souji mumbled sounding scared. "A few months maybe." his voice dropped. "Not like this, though. I've never dropped something because of it before." He rocked on his ankles and Susumu watched him curiously. "Ah don't think Ah've ever seen you get scared bafore." he said at last and Souji looked at him in surprise. Raising his hands before his face to inspect their relaxation he layed them on his knees when he saw they had gone down to slight twitching. "Everyone gets scared." he said as he stood, rubbing his arms as Susumu stood as well. "But you neva do." the watcher said softly. "Ah've neva seen you flinch, or laugh, or look like you did in thea." Souji looked away.
Souji smiled and turned away from the watcher. "You should go back and talk to Tetsu...I need to get back to my room." Susumu knew at that moment that the older boy was shaken up; he hated being locked in his room, he never went there unless to sleep. "Yoa runnin aint ya?", Souji stopped in his tracks, "yoa scared tha' if ya admit what's wrong with ya, then life will just lose it's meanin.., don't ya?" Souji didn't look at him. "I don't know what you're talking about, i'm not running from anything...you should go talk to Tetsu, before he goes out with that other boy..." "Damnit! Nah stop tha! I can't stand it when ya change the subject! I'M TRYIN TO TALK TO YA BOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT NOW LISTEN!", Souji walked away, it was the first time that he'd left anyone in the middle of a conversation; but he really didn't want to be there right now.
Souji walked through the door of the inn and snuck back to his room by the second staircase. It was empty, signalling that Hijikata-san was probably downstairs or looking for him. Stowing across the room he sank into the corner where his medicines were crammed in a bag that Hijikata-san had made sure to keep on him at all times. It was a miracle they'd been able to save it after the slaughter. Rummaging through it desperately he threw its contents on the floor looking for something, anything, to relax his hands. They were shaking worse that ever, along with his legs now. But that might have been the December cold or his rising nervousness. There was nothing he could find. Most of the packets were too stained to read, or the ink was smeared when they had been labeled. "There has to be..." he was frantic, beginning to dump packet after packet into his hand and shoving a little of everything into his mouth. Something was bound to work if he tried everything right? Before long his hands stopped shaking, but by then the room was shaking so much around him, he might not have even noticed his hands. He moved to lean out the window for air, but his head spun so terribly that it almost made him sick. Laying down in silence he decided to stare at the lacquer-stained ceiling instead. Susumu was on his way back to get Mr. Hijikata when he found Tetsu and that boy standing outside a sword-makers shop.
"A hate ya..." Susumu snapped as he passed them; Tetsu looked up surprised. "What, Susumu?", Susumu glared at the boy even harder. "A hate yer fuckin guts!", he shouted before turning and stomping into the hotel without so much as a look back. Tetsu didn't know what to do; he wanted to go out with Suzu today, but- Turning, the red head smiled at Suzu. "I'll be right back...", once the white haired boy had nodded, Tetsu was off and running after Susumu. Catching him, he grabbed the other boy's shoudler. "What the hell was taht?!", the page asked; Susumu pretended not to know what he was talking about. "Go away...", he growled; Tetsu glared and pulled on his shoulder, turning him toward him. "What the hell is your-", he stopped when he saw the watcher's face, he was- crying. "Susumu-", the watcher pushed him away. "Get away from me.", he snapped and Tetsu had to fallow after him. "Susumu, what's wrong?", Susumu didn't look at him. "Drop it..." "Susumu-", the watcher turned and glared at him. "A said fucking drop it! Ya don;t care anyway so stop botherin me!" Tetsu watched the boy above him seethe before asking again. "Susumu, what's your problem?!" Souji collapsed as he vomited, shivering violently all over; suddenly his arms shaking didnt really matter anymore. He could live with that, what he couldn't live with was this!
His eyes began to tear as he held himself together with his arms around himself. He was shivering, be it from the cold, the medicine, or the same reason his hands had begun to shake. Curling his knees up next to him he balled up, trembling in a puddle of vomit and half-dissolved powder. "Look, I gotta go. So why don' ya just leave me alone!" Susumu shouted at Tetsu before turning around and stomping off. Tetsu thought about going after him, but he knew better than to. He and Susumu had been friends for years, he knew better than to follow him when he was pissed. It would be easier to wait until Susumu cooled off and then talk to him about it. "Aw, fuck!" he groaned and looked back at Suzu. "I'll be right back!" he called, and left before Suzu could say anything. He was running as fast as he could and Susumu was still getting further and further ahead.
"Damnit! Slow down Susumu! I can't run that fast!", the watcher didn't look back. "Maybe A don wanna fucking slow down!", Tetsu didn't get it; what was with this pissy attitude? He'd just gotten back and the watcher was already annoyed with him over something. "What the hell is your problem?!" "Ya are!", Tetsu raced to catch up with Susumu, jumping infront of him to stop him when he did. "How the hell am I your problem?!", the watcher stopped and turned to glare at the red head. "Because yoa fucking leavin!", Tetsu took a step back and Susumu took a step forward, "A can' stand it when ya and that boy ah togetha! A hate lookin at ya! When yoa with him ya don even see me! Damnit, A lost Ayumu; A lost ma older sister! A can' stand to lose you too!" Tetsu felt his back hit the wall as Susumu advanced; he was mad about the page spending time with Suzu? The watcher turned away. "But like A said...ya don' care..."
"I gotta go." he snapped, his mind traveling back to the situation at hand. Walking past the smaller boy he started walking again and Tetsu watched him. "Susumu!" the taller boy whipped around. "Ah don' have time to fuck around! Ah'm in a goddamn hurry!" he screamed and Tetsu ran after him. " "What's going on?" Tetsu asked, noticing something in Susumu's voice that he hadn't heard since Ayumu's funeral. Susumu was walking fast. "I gotta tell Mista Hijikata somethin'." he growled and Tetsu panted beside him. "What did Okita steal his haiku collection again?" the boy laughed and Susumu glared around at him. "No, you moron, he's sick!" Tetsu froze, the smile on his face dissolved completely now. "What do you mean?" Suzu felt a kind of weight in his chest as he watched the red-head follow his friend.
Why did he have a bad feeling about this? "A mean he can' even hold his hands still! He dropped a pot of candy because the shakin was so bad!", Susumu shook his head and looked at the dirt, "A've neva seen him so shook up. He looked like a child about to die." Tetsu watched the watcher, almost certain that he was lieing, but when he found that he wasn't the boy felt fear grip him. "Mr Hijikata's in the bar room with Kondo...", he said in almost fear. Susumu nodded and walked off, but Tetsu still stood there, looking like someone had slapped him in the face. Turning suddenly, he ran back to the inn; not stopping for Suzu, he raced up the stairs. God damnit why couldn't he remember which room was Mr. Hijikata's!? Third door on the left? No it was the fourth on the right! Slamming into the room, he covered his mouth as shock came over him from what he saw. Souji was laying on the floor, shaking , in a pool vomit. "Mr. Okita!" Souji looked up curiously, not really sure who the hell was calling his name, but- it sounded familiar. "Tet-tsu?", finding that it was too hard to get up, the purple haired man lay there in silence, Tetsu panicked. "I'll get some hot water!", turning he meant to go back down to the restaurant for a bucket of boiled water, but he ran into something very solid. "Souji!", Toshizo pushed past the page that had just tried to run him over and hurried to the man laying on the floor.