Peace Maker Kurogane Fan Fiction ❯ I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light ❯ Devotion and Desire ( Chapter 7 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light

Chapter 7 Devotion and Desire

The ground swashed as Tetsu stomped along the dirt trail, making it as muddy as he was as he passed. It had been a cold cloudy day, making it almost impossible for the mud to completely dry on his clothes. He almost winced at the gross feeling of the dirty gunk swishing in his hakama. That wasn't the worst feeling though. The worst feeling was having to follow a silent and melancholy Suzu all the way down to the hot springs.

Tetsu kept his head down towards the path the entire time, absolutely refusing to glance up and see that look of betrayal that covered his lover's face. The tension was so thick in the air that you needed a katana to cut through it. The fight that they had just had was definitely not over.

Now that he was out of his heated moment, he of course regretted everything he had said to Suzu. Though just because he regretted it didn't mean that he hadn't meant every word. The pale haired teenager had been completely out of line with even thinking of challenging Saitou to a fight, and even coming to the Shinsengumi for that matter. He knew that he had to pretend to be going along with this plan of his, but every time he did something like this it was getting harder and harder to act so nonchalant.

“How far away is this place?” It had been quiet for so long, that just the sound of Suzu's cold voice made him jump about ten feet in the air. He was in fact so shocked by the voice that it took him quite awhile to contemplate the question he was asked.

Though when he did, he immediately piped up with a response. “Oh it's just about here. It's only a little bit further now.” In truth he was so happy that Suzu had actually spoken to him, that he went into an entire spill just to stop the cold dead silence from returning. “I'm really surprised that Hijikata let us come out here. He normally only lets me go to the hot springs like once a month, and I went like only a week ago. It's really nice…if you can stand the smell of sulfur that is.” Of course as soon as this was out, the same stagnant silence slipped over them, and Tetsu was again left with staring at his feet as he walked.

Suzu didn't say a word in reply, only pushed his way through a tree branch that was blocking the entrance to the springs. So yeah, apparently he was still pissed. This of course wasn't surprising, because he had pretty much just told him that he really didn't want anything to do with the plan he had agreed to help with, and that he hated and the person his lover was fighting to avenge.

Shaking his head in utter frustration, Tetsu too flung back the branch and made his way to where the water was. It had taken them over three hours to get to the spring, and now that they were there the sun was just going down over the mountain top. As soon as he had gotten down into the grotto where it was, his breath hitched in his throat. Suzu was standing on the edge of the springs with is back facing him, his haori already completely shed so that it was his bare back shining with the light from the setting sun.

“Suzu…” His voice was a hollow shell of its normal self as he struggled to be able to express just what he was feeling at seeing him half naked by the water. He finally settled with. “Do you want me to leave while you get cleaned up?” What!? He was struggling to keep his hormones in check, and he actually asked if he wanted him to go!

This caused his lover to turn around, and as he did Tetsu got a good look at his still mud smeared face. Sure it was dirty, but even in such a condition Suzu was still gorgeous. His mouth tilted up into what was not quite a smile. “Now why would I want that?” His voice was the same illustrious voice he had used with him when they had been together the night before, and Tetsu was practically taken even then.

His feet seemed to move of their own accord towards the water, and as he moved forward, Suzu moved backwards so that he was slowly backing his way into the water, still partially clothed. Tendrils of dirt swirled into the crisp water as he continued to wade in it until he was standing in the middle. When he was good and settled, he turned his gaze up to where Tetsu was frozen watching and beckoned towards him. “Come here my love, I'll clean you up.”

In this certain matter, you really didn't need to tell Tetsu twice. He practically ran towards the water, and would have splashed in right then, but Suzu put a hand up to stop him. Red spikes tilted in confusion, and never one to disappoint, Suzu explained his reasoning. “Uh uh Tets…first take off those pesky clothes.” His brandy eyes clouded over with lust. “We wouldn't want to get your threads all wet, now would we?”

Tetsu practically fell over as he tried to shrug out his Yukata. His nakedness didn't seem to bother him as it had the night before. No, he was much too concerned with just getting to the sodden wet boy in the middle to really care about his own looks or embarrassment.

The water rippled in affect after he clambered into its depths and made his way towards Suzu. Though his lover wasn't going to make it near that easy. With every step he took forwards, Suzu would playfully swim away. The water was nearly boiling, making his already deranged body even hotter. As they continued to play tag around the bathing pool, Tetsu's fringed nerves began to get the best of him.

“Suzu stop moving away…I want to touch you.” The boldness of his words didn't seem to occur to him at the time, but his face reddened nonetheless. Of course he wasn't sure if this was from the temperature of the water, or just the implications about what his words had really meant.

His lover did pause at that, and his eyebrows arched in amusement. “You desire me then?” One slick finger slid down his chest, and disappeared down below the water. Tetsu's jaw clenched at just seeing such an act. He could feel his groin tightening, as he became aroused by such a sight. Suzu didn't stop his tortures there though, no he went one step further by placing that finger that had now just reappeared in his mouth, and sucking it in a most alluring fashion. That appendage reappeared from behind those rosy red lips as his mouth once more threatened to form dangerously appealing words. “If you want my body Tetsunosuke…” He pushed himself up against a rock so that he was settled on top of it, waves lapping his still clothed legs. “Then come over here and take it.”

Now in matters such as this, Tetsu really didn't need any more encouragement. As fast as he could he half swam half stumbled over to where Suzu was seated. Though he stopped short at the look his lover was giving him. The look that was a mixture between disgust and disappointment. “What's wrong?”

Suzu completely vetoed the question that he was asked, and instead asked a most disturbing one of his own. “Has he ever had you?” Tetsu's eyes widened to saucers out of shock as an arm reached out and pulled him closer. “Have you ever been withering underneath him, screaming out in pleasure as he pumped in and out of your inexperienced body?”

Tetsu had no idea what Suzu was talking about, but the entire conversation was leaving him with a disgusted feeling in his stomach. Suzu wasn't himself. No, he had a dangerous look in his eyes…as if at the moment he wasn't even all the way sane. Despite how much he might not have wanted to, he asked the dreaded question anyways. “Suzu who are you talking about?”

“I was talking about Hijikata, but perhaps you're too big of a whore around there for me to narrow it down to just one person.” Well that did it. At such implications Tetsu didn't hesitate in hauling off and slapping him as hard as he could across the face. Once for calling him a whore, and a second time for even thinking he would have slept with Hijikata.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” He bit out, absolutely appalled by what he had just heard. “How could you even say such things?” Suzu's head had snapped to the side from the force of the blow, but it slowly turned to once more face him. It was eerily calm and calculating as ever.

Tetsu had to back himself up a little in the water when Suzu himself splashed into the water after him. “Is it so surprising to imagine Ichimura?” His eyes were dark with barely repressed rage, and what the redhead was sure was insanity. “I thought you cared about me…loved me even.” Tetsu flinched as Suzu stalked closer, never letting up on his barrage of mental assaults. “But then you betray me so easily.” He flinched when his back hit the rock of the side of the hot springs, and this gave Suzu ample opportunity to completely catch up with him, pinning him up against the side.

Their bodies grinded together, but not in the intimate way they had the night before. No, this time Tetsu couldn't wait to get away from such a position. This was beginning to seem like less and less of an option however, because Suzu had grabbed his hair, pulling their faces close together. “What else was I supposed to think when I saw you're complete and utter devotion to those murdering wolves other than that they had fucked you into submission.”

Suzu had thought ahead this time and pinned his hands down at his sides to avoid being slapped, but Tetsu still managed to retaliate. He spat in his boyfriend's face, and quickly kicked forwards, connecting rather squarely in his groin region. Now Suzu was stubborn when it came to pain, but not even he could ignore a kick to the balls, and he fell backwards into the water, clutching at his valuables. This momentary weakness gave Tetsu all the ammunition he needed to launch his own mental assault.

“You bastard! You think I'm the one who gives it up to anyone?” He leaned down in the water where Suzu was practically submerged, and pinned him to the bottom, straddling his waist so that he had no choice but to just sit there and listen to all the hurtful things he was about to say. His mind flooded with images of the night of Ikedaya and how Suzu had been on his bedroll, ashamed at the recent stains that were covering it. How the room had been festering with the smell of dried sex. “I'm not the one that let my master fuck me whenever he felt like it.” Suzu's eyes widened horribly and he began to struggle under his body, but Tetsu far from ready to let him up. “But he isn't the only one is he lover?” He taunted, now feeling the need to get back at him for every hurtful thing he had said. “You call me a whore…when you were one literally.” He could see his eyes in the reflection of Suzu's brandy irises, and they were the same dark color his had been just a moment ago. He knew all of this, and yet he was too hurt to stop. “And don't even get me started on the old man that you murdered. How many times did he fuck you, huh Suzu? Tens?…Hundreds?…Too many to count?”

After the words left his mouth he immediately regretted them. No anger could be worth the look of shame that crossed Suzu's eyes, or the look of complete and utter hopelessness that covered his features. Feeling his own bout of shame, Tetsu quickly scampered off of Suzu, and went back to his place against the wall.

When Suzu got up from his position on his back in the water, his entire body was trembling, and to his horror, he could see fresh tears falling down his face. “You think you know me Tetsu…You think you everything about me, but you don't.” He had to actually wrap his arms around himself to still his shakes, but even then Tetsu could still see his entire body rack with them. “When I was just a boy my brother, the one person who took care of me, was killed by the Shinsengumi…He was slaughtered right in front of me.” Tetsu's eyes widened at that. He had never heard of this before, and by the way that Suzu's eyes were completely dilated and out of focus, it obviously wasn't something he discussed all that often. “I was lost…alone…and then he came to me.” By `he' Tetsu could only assume he meant Yoshida. “He came to me and gave me my brother's sword, and told me that if I joined him I could bask in those mangy wolves blood as much as I wanted to.” Suzu's eyes were lidded and heavy as he looked at him, trying to convey all the turmoil that was flowing through him in words. “It wasn't till sometime later that he came to me in sexual sense…” His voice trailed off, and Tetsu shuddered in revulsion at just the thought of it. “I was his page…who was I to ignore an order? How could I after how much he had actually given me?” Not wanting to hear anymore, Tetsu made a move to interject.

“Suzu you didn't have to…” But Suzu sloshed forwards and placed a shaky hand over his mouth.

“Didn't I?” His bottom jaw shook as he spoke. “He was everything to me, and for the longest time I did legitimately love him.” His head tilted to the side as his face screwed up in emotion. “But then you came along.” His voice hitched as he repressed a sob. “And for the first time since my brother's death I felt like someone might actually care for me back…I thought…I thought…” His hand fell away from the redhead's mouth as he sunk to his knees and covered his eyes. “Oh god, what does it matter what I thought…”

Sinking down to his knees as well, Tetsu crawled over to where Suzu kneeled vulnerable in front of him. He placed his hands and the ones that covered his lover's face, and brought them away, entwining them in his own. “Tell me.” He knew that his boyfriend needed to get this out, and who better to hear it then him?

Suzu stared straight into his eyes for what seemed like the longest time, and Tetsu had to force himself not to look away from that intense stare. This was of course the time when he dropped on him one of the biggest shocks of his life. “I loved you from the very first time I saw Tets.”

11 words…that's all they were, and those 11 words seemed to rip apart the very foundations he had placed under himself. His hands went slack, just letting Suzu's lay on top of his. How could Suzu have loved him from the first time they met? Flashes of them both grabbing the same sword flew into his mind, and just the very thought of it baffled him. To be honest he had hated Suzu the first time they had met. But it wasn't only that. It was the implication that Suzu loved. Suzu. Loved. Him. Just that was enough to overwhelm his senses.

He collapsed forward, falling onto Suzu's chest. He just lay there stunned, not even when two arms wrapped around him did he break out of his stupor. Not even when Suzu continued his story did it seem to bring him back. “I loved everything about you, from your fiery personality, to your dimwittedness, but mostly your innocence. I loved the way how you thought the world was so pure and untainted…How you saw the good in everyone…saw the good in me…even though there wasn't any to begin with.” Tetsu felt water drip onto his head, and knew that it was Suzu's tears as he continued his story. “But then my master saw us at Shimabara, and he asked the unthinkable.” Suzu squeezed him even tighter. “He asked me to kill the one person had to grown to love…He asked me to choose.” Tetsu buried his face further into the sun kissed chest as Suzu began to uncontrollably shake. “And like an idiot…I chose you, and in return you killed him. You killed the only person that had showed me kindness it seems in the entire world, and still I couldn't kill you.” Suzu was sobbing uncontrollably by this time as he pretty much broke down right then. “You made me go through hell after that! You made me do that fucked up stuff Tetsu!” He pushed the red head away, as he scrambled away from him and out of the hot springs altogether. “That perverted old man that bought me…You were right about how much he enjoyed me…” Tetsu flinched at that, and he too made a move to get out of the water to follow that traumatized Suzu. “and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of wherever you were, whatever you were doing, that you might be thinking of me.” His feet dug along the ground as he pulled them up to his chin, rocking back and forth. “That someday I might get away from that monster and find my way back to you…to love…or to kill you…the lines began to blur.” His teeth were gritting so hard that blood was oozing from his gums. “Then I became numb…I couldn't feel anything. I no longer felt revulsion when he shoved his cock down my throat, or pain when he forced himself on me…over…and over…soon I couldn't feel anything at all.” His eyes looked up then, and they were wild and crazed. “Only the revenge…That's all I could think about, and now…” He sobbed again. “And now you want to take that away from me too.”

Tetsu sat there in stunned silence for a moment, just letting everything he had just seen start to sink in. He had known Suzu had had a messed up life, but he had never imagined anything like this. The thing he couldn't understand was how his lover could be so strong through it all. He had put up with everything, and kept himself together. Though not now…and it was all his fault. He was the one that had reduced such a strong person into a sobbing wreck of their former self. To say he felt terrible would be an understatement.

Knowing that he had to do something, Tetsu reached out and pulled the sobbing teenager against his chest, cradling his broken form. He placed a kiss on top of his wet hair as he rocked him back and forth. “Suzu…I didn't know. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry.” He pulled him, if possible, closer. “You didn't deserve any of that, and there is good in you. I don't think you're filthy, or used…” He was now crying too as he continued to rock his deranged lover. “Oh Suzu…Don't you know I love you too?”

He tried to tell him everything that he was feeling. He tried to convey to him that he was more than he thought of himself…He was so much more to him. At his declaration of love, Suzu stilled in his arms, and Tetsu realized that he had actually said it out loud. Though it's not as if he could take it back, and he didn't want to. He did love Suzu, and it was far past time that he knew it.

Arms crawled up his shoulder as Suzu pulled himself up to eye level, and when he looked him in the face his eyes were red and puffy from his tears. It didn't matter though. Tetsu still found him incredibly beautiful. Unconsciously his hand reached out to stroke his cheek, and he wiped a few stray tear droplets from it as he did so. This one action though seemed to escalate rather quickly, because the next thing he knew they were kissing.

He wasn't sure if he had been the one to lean in closer, or if Suzu had initiated the kiss, but it didn't change the fact that their mouths were now joined. It had started out as just a pure and simple need to touch each other in some, but soon led to a much more passionate embrace. Before Tetsu knew what had happened, Suzu was being pushed on his back with the redhead leaning over his lithe body.

Tetsu's mind was on fire with want, and soon he had slung a leg over Suzu's hip, effectively straddling his waist. He wanted to say something, but words didn't seem necessary at the moment. All that seemed necessary in the starved teenagers minds was drinking in each other the best they could.

A shudder escaped his throat as Suzu's hands roamed the length of his body, stopping to caress his already bare chest. He took advantage of his current position, by leaning forwards and capturing one of the redhead's erect nipples in his teeth, lightly scraping his teeth on the bud.

“Suzu…more…please.” He didn't care how pathetic he might sound at the moment with his pleas. Suzu did something to him when they touched. It was like he awakened some deep carnal desire within him, and he couldn't stop the waves of emotion and pleasure that wracked his body with each miniscule touch.

The arousal that had depleted during Suzu's lapse in sanity came back full force, and he found himself rocking his body with every touch his lover gave him. Strong arms wrapped around his back, pulling him closer as he too bucked into the body atop him. The redhead could feel Suzu's entrapped member, and bent down to relieve him of his problem.

Slightly shaking hands slid down Suzu's bare torso, and moved to grab at the waistband of his white hakama, doing well to slid it all the way over his hips so that they pooled slightly at his ankles. After the offending article of clothing was gone, Suzu let out a gasp as the cool evening air hit his erection. This only fueled Tetsu's desire more though, and soon his hands had traveled over his hips, to feel his way down his tanned legs, before coming back up the inside of his thigh.

Reveling in such actions, Suzu opened his legs wider, allowing him better access, which of course he took complete advantage of. Tetsu's inexperienced hand ghosting over the now leaking member, and practically jumped when Suzu bucked into the touch. This of course gave him the incentive to glance up towards his lover's face, and he drank in all that he saw.

Suzu's face was flushed with arousal and his eyes were shut tight as Tetsu's hand once more ghosted over his groin. His mouth was open in gasps as his breath came out in short pants. Tetsu backed up a little to get a better view of his entire body, and as he did Suzu's legs raised up so that he was resting in between his thighs. Everything about Suzu was amazing, and the thing about it was he was all his. Suzu was his, and he was Suzu's. The thought struck him as odd at first, but as he continued to stare down at his lover it almost seemed right.

They belonged together, and as such could do what every good couple should do. They had declared their love for each other, and now could show it. Tetsu knew that he was beyond ready, and he wanted to express what he couldn't in words just how much Suzu meant to him…The thing was…he had no idea how.

Suzu was right…he was innocent. Well in the sexual experience way at least. Tatsu had sheltered him a lot, and his own naivety had pretty much stopped him from getting around like most normal boys his age did. Though now that he thought about it he was kind of glad that he wasn't a whore. That way his first could be with Suzu…and hopefully it would only be with Suzu for the rest of his life. But still they were faced with a problem. Tetsu wanted nothing more than to be conjoined with his lover, but had no doubt how to precede.

His hand reached up to caress Suzu's face, and he noticed the whine of protest he received when by doing so the teasing touches he had been giving him ceased. He almost laughed at the yearning look covering his tanned face. Laughed…or moaned…one of the two. “Suzu?” Brandy colored eyes opened in question, and by just giving him such a look, Tetsu leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his lips, lingering their after he did so. “I've never done anything like this before…” He looked away embarrassedly as he blushed an uncontrollable shade of red. “I-I don't know what to do.”

Suzu smiled at him somewhat dazedly, and his hand came up to pet his cheek. “It's not hard puppy…You just push it in and start moving.” At such implications, Tetsu once more blushed a deep scarlet. He had never thought…It was supposed to be…

“Y-You want me t-to be on top!?” He stuttered out almost stunned, not at all enjoying the arrogant look that came to Suzu's face.

“Well I only assumed you wanted to. Most people prefer to be the seme in the relationship…At least everyone else I've been with has wanted to.” Suzu's eyes once more traveled far away as he no doubt thought of all of his horrible past experience. Tetsu's jaw clenched in indignation. Just the thought of Suzu having to go through such a thing sickened him.

It was then that he resolved on something. This time would be different. He crawled back on top of Suzu's lap, settling himself just above his erection. “I won't Suzu…I don't want this to be just like all your other times.” He leaned down to kiss him, saying against his lips. “I want this time to be different.”

Before Suzu even had a chance to reply, Tetsu plunged down, impaling himself upon his white haired lover. This of course is when he almost pulled right back out burning hot pain racked his body as he was unnaturally stretched on torn inside.

Tetsu cried out in pain at the sudden intrusion. He had never thought it would hurt so bad. During this scream he also noticed that Suzu gave one of his own, but his was more of pleasure. Though as soon as he realized what happened, he sat up, half dazed, to check on his own welfare.

“Fuck Tets are you okay?” Tetsu's eyebrows were still screwed up, and his face was contorted in pain as he tried to get his body to adjust to the new presence…It wasn't working.

“It-it hurts…” He whined, now immensely regretting ever doing this. How had Suzu wanted him to be the one inside him? How could he have actually wanted this pain.

Hands were on either side of his face, trying to comfort him. “Yeah no kidding it does…That's why I didn't want you to be the one to do…and plus you didn't even prepare yourself…” Suzu's speech was slurred, and it seemed to be taking a lot out of him to even get this much out.

Though something other than Suzu's discomfort was weighing on his mind, and he felt the need, even in their current position, to voice his concerns. “Suzu what do you mean prepare myself?” If there was some way to prepare himself for this kind of pain, then he would have damn well have done it.

Such a statement caused Suzu's eyes to slightly roll into the back of his head as he pretty much just flopped back onto the ground, a finger coming up to his mouth for him to bite on. “…You…are…such…an…idiot.”< /div>

Tetsu pouted at such a statement. This was supposed to be a wonderful and special time, and like everything, he had once again messed it up. No. He refused to ruin this. He refused to.

With Suzu still tightly sheathed within him, he slowly began to rock his hips back and forth. It was immensely uncomfortable at first, but he was encouraged by the strangled moans coming from his lover's mouth as buried his face into the ground beside him.

Knowing that he was at least making Suzu happy, Tetsu began to move faster, and faster, and then something really strange happened. In one of his thrusts he struck something deep within himself, and stars exploded in front of his vision. His body shook with pleasure over such an act, and a scream ripped through his throat.

At hearing the scream, Suzu looked up in alarm. “Puppy…pup…” He tried. Then he seemed to get a control of himself, and tried again. “What's wrong?” Suzu's eyes were clouded over in lust, and it seemed to be taking all he had just to get that out.

Tetsu bit his lip as he tried to describe what he had just felt. “Nothing…something…uh what the hell was that?” He asked completely elated. At seeing that he was in fact not in pain, but rather had been quite happy with recent events, a smile cracked Suzu's face.

“You hit your prostate…It'll feel just as good if you do it again.” Tetsu really didn't know if he was saying that to help him, or just for the fact that he wanted him to start moving again, but he had to say that at the moment he really didn't care.

He rose his hips, slamming back down in the same spot he had earlier, and again pure pleasure seemed to course through his veins. He continued to ride his lover, and as he did so leaned down to connect their mouths together. He was connected to Suzu, but he wanted to be connected to ever part of him. He even rose Suzu's hands above his head, entwining their fingers together.

Warmth was spreading through every part of him, and he could feel that same pinnacle of building release that he had experienced the night before. The only difference now was that he knew about it.

Knowing that he wasn't going to last much longer, he quickened his pace, earning him numerous moans from his lover. Though he was doing this for Suzu, it was also about his own pleasure at the moment. His desire had reached its breaking point, and he could no longer hold back.

Screaming out Suzu's name, he came violently in between their stomachs. His muscles contracted, squeezing around Suzu's member and forcing him to come at around the same time. His entire body felt like it was floating as he road out the last of his orgasm on top of the one he loved most.

Soon though that over all elation was to be replaced by exhaustion as he fell forward, collapsing on top of Suzu's chest. That had just been the most incredible thing he had ever experienced, and he was still trying to determine on whether or not it had actually happened.

Tetsu determined that it had in fact happened, when his lover's hands came to rest upon his hips, slowly lifting him up so that he slid stickily out of him. He then pulled him so that he rested against his chest, slowly stroking his hair as they just lay together in each other's arms.

The redhead slightly lifted his exhausted head up, looking in Suzu's loving eyes. “I just want you to know that I'm with you whatever you decided to do. I'm completely devoted to you Suzu…I'll go to the ends of the earth with you if that's what you want.” Suzu leaned forward, placing a kiss on his brow.

“I know Tets…and I love you for that. Now go to sleep. There's a beautiful moon above us, and I would like nothing better than to fall asleep with you under the stars.” Tetsu glanced up to the sky that Suzu was talking about, and saw that it had in fact turned dark during their excursion. He knew he should be worried about what they were thinking back at headquarters about them being gone for so long, but he couldn't bring himself to. He couldn't bring himself to care about anything at the moment. All he knew is that he never wanted to leave Suzu's arms, and with that thought he fell asleep just like Suzu had said…nestled under the stars.

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Suzu stared contently down at his lover. Lover…He still couldn't believe that him and Tetsu had grown to that point. It felt almost surreal to think that the very essence of his desires actually desired him back. It was almost too good to be true, and in a sense, that's exactly what it was.

He couldn't stay with Tetsu. The talk they had had made that perfectly clear. It's not that he didn't want to, because he would like nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with the fiery redhead in his arms, but he couldn't. He couldn't do that to Tetsu. He wouldn't do that to someone he loved.

Despite what Tetsu had made him want to believe, he really didn't deserve him. He was nothing more than a cheap whore…A whore that didn't even command the respect of dogs…let alone the angel he had just made love to. He knew what he had to do, and he wouldn't bring Tetsu down with him. No, despite how much it pained him to think about, this would be the last time they saw each other on friendly terms.

A tear slipped down his cheek as he pulled Tetsu's head to him, laying kiss after kiss on his red hair. Being as careful as he possibly could, he unentwined their bodies, and laid his lover carefully back on the earth. Doing his best to stay quiet, Suzu grabbed Tetsu's discarded yukata and pulled it over his taller form. It didn't fit the best, but he didn't have a choice. His clothes were still soaked…well his hakama at least. Grabbing his haori, he walked over to his sleeping lover, draping it over his nude form.

Once he was covered, Suzu leaned down next to his ear, whispering what he would say to him awake if he wasn't so cowardly. “Tetsu you have to believe me when I tell you that this is the hardest thing I've ever done. You're everything to me, and that's why I must leave you.” His hand reached out to pet those soft spikes he loved so much. “Please don't think I'm leaving you because I don't want you…because you're what I want more than anything. I refuse to destroy you like I have everything else in my life…my brother died…my master died…I won't let you share their fate.” He grabbed his white hakama and placed it by Tetsu's head. “Sorry about having to take your clothes, but I really had no other choice…” He paused for a moment. “I love you Tetsunosuke.”

Tears clouded his vision as he leaned down to place one more kiss on those lips he loved so much, and he had to repress a sob when Tetsu mumbled “Suzu…love you too.” in his sleep. Grabbing a stick he scribbled two words into the dirt. He was a coward, but he just couldn't stand to see Tetsunosuke's hurt face...He couldn't take having to see that look of complete and utter betrayal. He would go this route alone, and when he finally saw Tetsu again maybe the red head would only feel hate for him, and what he had to do wouldn't be so heart wrenching...maybe.

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A.N- Hey so I know I said I finished this fic, but I got a review for it and I realized I hadn't read my own story in like forever so I read it and got completely into it again…and so I'm continuing it…the next chappie should be out in a couple of days! Please read and review