Pirates Of The Caribbean Fan Fiction / Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: At Wit's End ❯ Dramatic and Overblown Climax, Part Three ( Chapter 21 )

Chapter Twenty-One: Dramatic and Overblown Climax, Part Three

 

[Knuckles' hot air balloon rises out of the maelstrom and dips into the sea, where Knuckles and Rouge are promptly dragged onto the Pearl.]

 

Boris: Comrade Captain, thank Stalin you're here! The armada is still out there, the Endeavour is bearing down on us, and I believe that now would be the time to follow in one of the greatest and noblest traditions of pirate-dom…

 

Knuckles: You know, I've never really been one for tradition. Raise the sails! Turn us towards the Endeavour! Hold steady!

 

Boris: But Comrade Captain…that's suicide!

 

Knuckles: Please Boris, you of all people should understand the concept of pointlessly throwing away lives to achieve little or no obvious gain.

 

Eggman: Belay those last orders!

 

Knuckles: Belay the belaying!

 

Arthas: Who's laying what now?

 

Knuckles: SHUT UP! EVERYONE SHUT UP!

 

[The scene cuts to the bridge of the Endeavour. A Pasty British Guy is looking through a spyglass at the Black Pearl.]

 

Pasty British Guy: My Lord…what is he waiting for?

 

Shadow: The fool thinks I intend to stick with our agreement.

 

[The camera pans along the length of the Endeavour as porthole after porthole opens and cannon upon cannon slides out. The camera cuts back to Shadow, who has the most amazingly smug look on his face.]

 

Shadow: It's nothing personal Knuckles, its just…my directive. Good business necessitates the occasional…hostile takeover.

 

[The Endeavour sails towards the Black Pearl with something like five rows of cannons open on each side. Talk about your 18th century overkill, this thing has like 106 guns. If that doesn't scream “overcompensating”, I don't know what does. In any case, the Endeavour starts moving towards the Pearl, which is just sitting there in the water not doing much of anything besides falling apart. And then, the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction comes roaring out from under the water, shedding pieces of that bizarre-ass crocodile jaw thing on the prow. The camera cuts to the Endeavour.]

 

Shadow: Ah. The Person-of-Dutch-Extraction survived. Excellent.

 

[The camera dramatically hovers overhead as the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction and the Endeavour bear down on the Black Pearl. The camera then cuts back to the Person-of-Dutch-Extraction, where fishy pirates are walking along the deck and shedding their fishy bits. The camera pans along to 47, who looks fairly normal now. He pulls the starfish off his face and turns to look behind him. Standing dramatically behind the wheel is…Sonic the Hedgehog! With a real nasty scar on his chest {Author's Note: I hear chicks dig scars too}.]

 

Sonic: Ready on the guns!

 

[The camera cuts to the Peal, where, despite being about half a mile away, Rouge clearly sees Sonic and starts smiling.]

 

Knuckles: Full canvas!

 

Eggman: Aye, full canvas you useless lumps of lard!

 

[The Pearl's sails unfurl dramatically. Back on the Person-of-Dutch-Extraction, Sonic spins the wheel and the ship turns towards the Endeavour. On the Pearl, Eggman does the same, and the two ships bear down on the Endeavour. The camera cuts to the Endeavour, and for the first time, a look of shock crosses Shadow's face.]

 

Shadow: This…this isn't right at all…

 

[The Black Pearl and Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction slide alongside the Endeavour. The camera cuts to the bridge of the Endeavour where Shadow is staring in numb shock at a spot about three feet in front of him.]

 

Pasty British Guy: What are your orders, Lord Shadow? I mean the obvious one would be “fire!”, but unless you tell me to, I won't do anything useful to save this ship or our lives!

 

[And even though he has something in the range of four times the combined cannons of the Pearl and Person-of-Dutch-Extraction at his disposal and could probably easily sink both of those ships, or you know, he could call in his fucking massive armada, Shadow continues to stare at that spot in front of him, and the rest of the crew remains staggeringly incompetent. The camera cuts back to Pearl.]

 

Boris: Orders, Comrade Captain?

 

Knuckles: (whispering) Fire.

 

Boris: FIRE!

 

Eggman: FIRE!

 

Rouge: I'M GOING TO YELL “FIRE!” TOO EVEN THOUGH EVERYBODY HAS PROBABLY ALREADY HEARD THE ORDERS! I FEEL IMPORTANT NOW!

 

[The camera cuts to the Person-of-Dutch-Extraction.]

 

Sonic: FIRE!

 

[The Pearl and Person-of-Dutch-Extraction open fire on the Endeavour from both sides, and just start raping the hell out of that ship. The camera cuts back to the bridge of the Endeavour, which has seen better days.]

 

Pasty British Guy: ORDERS! SIR WE NEED ORDERS!

 

[The camera pans around Shadow, who currently has a facial expression that indicates a case of severe intestinal distress. The camera moves along to show the devastation being done to the Endeavour, and it is really devastating. The camera cuts back to the bridge of the Endeavour where some panicky Brits run up to Shadow.]

 

Panicky Brit: What are your orders? What are we supposed to do? Take some initiative and actually fire back, or what?

 

[The camera cuts to Shadow's face. He looks like a hedgehog who is having a really bad day.]

 

Shadow: (muttering) It was…the…di…rec…tive…

 

Pasty British Guy: ABANDON SHIP!

 

[The British guys who haven't been blown to pieces toss themselves overboard. Shadow calmly overlooks the Endeavour being blown to smithereens. He begins to walk along the edge of the bridge, and then marches down the stairs to the deck in slow motion as cannonballs fly around him, tearing the ship to pieces. As the camera pulls back dramatically, a cannonball crashes into Shadow's head. He flops to the deck, and as fire consumes the ship, the camera captures his twitching leg as it flies by, separated from his now combusting body.]

 

Shadow: Fuck! I'M ON FIRE! MOTHER OF GOD, IT BURNS LIKE SIN!

 

[The Pearl and the Person-of-Dutch-Extraction move past the Endeavour…and then the Endeavour fucking explodes. Yeah, apparently this became a Michael Bay movie when nobody was looking. What was Shadow carrying on that thing, a fucking nuclear reactor? A dramatic underwater shot, closely mimicking the angle of the opening shot, shows the East India Company flag, and then a body, presumably Shadow's, falls onto the flag. The camera cuts to show the Pearl and the Person-of-Dutch-Extraction sailing towards the massed East India fleet, while the Endeavour manages to sink in about a quarter of a second. The camera cuts to the Random Midget.]

 

Random Midget: They're turning back!

 

[And sure enough, even though they still hold the numerical advantage of, at a conservative guess here, 1,000 to one, the East India Company's fleet turns back. Pirates start celebrating like crazy. Enjoy the next hundred years guys, cause that's about all you're getting before the United States Navy and the British Royal Navy come down on your heads so hard you won't even know what the hell just happened. The camera cuts to the Pearl, where Ryudo and Wind Waker Link show up on the deck, having discarded their British uniforms and traded them in for pirate clothes. They start celebrating with Megabyte and Cervantes. The camera cuts from ship to ship as the pirates cheer and celebrate, tossing their hats in the air. The camera finally settles back onto the Pearl.]

 

Knuckles: Comrade Boris.

 

Boris: Yes, Comrade Captain?

 

Knuckles: You have permission to toss my hat.

 

[Knuckles hands his hat over to Boris, who smiles and throws it into the air. A second passes.]

 

Knuckles: Okay, now go get it back.

 

[Boris keeps smiling, and then realizes Knuckles isn't joking. He quickly sprints down onto the deck to recover the hat.]

 

Boris: Nobody touch that hat! Especially the pansy!