Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / X/1999 Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction / Azumanga Daioh Fan Fiction ❯ MST3K: Love In All The Wrong Places ❯ Part I ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Rumiko Takahashi's "Inuyasha," "Azumanga Daioh," "Naruto," or Clamp's "X." Nor do I own any other characters that might show up. I do NOT own any of the characters in the Pokemon fic roasted therein---the author is welcome to them. I CERTAINLY don't lay claim to his tooth-grittingly pathetic story. You can find the MSTed story on adultfanfiction.net under the anime/Pokemon directory---not that anyone in their right mind would WANT to…

That said, let's get down to business.

THEME SONG:

In an alternate dimension

Somewhere in time and space

A bunch of random characters

Were all imprisoned in one place

Pursued by Naraku and some other guys

---some evil villains, whom we all despise

They stole a ship from an old Star Wars set

And some toxic little goodies that were coughed up by the `net.

NARAKU: I'll send them crappy stories---the worst I can find

(lalala)

and I'll force them to sit and read them all

until I make them lose their minds

(lalala)

Now bear in mind they can't control where the fics begin or end

(lalala)

They'll try to keep their sanity

With the help of some newfound friends

FANFIC ROLLCALL:

INUYASHA: What the HELL…?!

MIROKU: Hentai proud!

CHIYO-CHAN: I'm cute!

NARUTO: MST no Jutsu!

KAMUI: I'm a bishounen!

YAMISUI: I'm the author. (go me)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe

And other science facts

Please repeat to yourself

"They're just cartoons, and I should really just relax."

For MYSTERY FANFIC THEATER 2000 (strum)

TRANSPORTER ROOM, ABOARD THE ORIGINAL STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

(Six columns of light appear on the transporter platform.)

TRANSPORTER: squeeeeeeeeee

(Six people materialize on the platform, looking around in confusion. They're quite the mixed plate---Inuyasha, a half-dog-demon from Japan's Feudal Era; Miroku, a Buddhist monk from the Feudal Era; Chiyo, a precocious, cute little pigtailed eleven-year-old who's skipped ahead to high school; Naruto, a loud, boisterous Ninja-in-training; Kamui, the brooding young bishounen from X…and of course the author, Yamisui (female).)

INUYASHA: GAH! What the HELL was THAT?! [leaps off the platform and lands in a crouch with one hand on the sword at his waist]

MIROKU: [staring at the other four transported characters and rubbing his chin thoughtfully] Calm down, Inuyasha. We must handle this rationally.

INUYASHA: I don't like this. One minute we're fighting Naraku, the next he starts laughing maniacally…Then some weird light beam goes "squeeeeeeeeee," then sucks us up and spits us out here…

MIROKU: [glancing briefly at the irate half-demon] Inuyasha, handling this rationally does NOT mean whipping out and brandishing your sword.

[turns to newcomers] Who are you all, and how did you come to be here?

NARUTO: [bounding off the platform] Hey, hey! I recognize that dress you're wearing---you're a priest, aren't you?

MIROKU: [looking pained] These are robes, not a dress. And I'm a monk, not a priest. [glances pointedly at Naruto's bright orange jumpsuit and jacket] And YOU are…?

NARUTO: [proudly jabbing his chest with one thumb] I'M a ninja. Someday I'm going to be Hokage of Konoha Village!

MIROKU: [politely] What, pray tell, is a `ninja'?

INUYASHA: [less tactful] Where the fuck is `Konoha Village'?

NARUTO: [not fazed by rudeness] You must be from somewhere foreign. Ninjas are the warriors that move in shadow. Ninjas are hired to kick ass.

INUYASHA: [displaying a spark of interest] Really?

MIROKU: [addressing Kamui, who has stepped off the platform and has been watching in silence] And you are…?

KAMUI: [intensely] I am chosen by God and Clamp to bring either destruction or salvation to the Earth.

INUYASHA: [bluntly] Then why are you HERE?

KAMUI: [blinking in sudden confusion] Ah…

CHIYO: [hopping off the platform, pigtails bobbing] Whee! That was fun! Can I do it again?

NARUTO: [crouching down to address her---she's short] Hey, little girl-chan. What are you doing here?

CHIYO: [laying a finger on the corner of her mouth and looking cutely puzzled] I don't know. One of the girls in my class always has weird dreams about me. Maybe I finally got sucked into one of them…

NARUTO: [looking up at Miroku hopefully] Hey, houshi-san*, she's cute. Can we keep her? [*note: for those of you who don't know, "houshi" is the Japanese word for the lowest-ranking monk]

MIROKU: [fingering his chin thoughtfully] She's too young for child-bearing. What a pity…

INUYASHA: [shaking his head in disgust] You're sick, Miroku. You know that?

KAMUI: [musing to himself] If this isn't Earth, then I don't have to destroy anything or save anybody. Maybe this isn't half-bad…

YAMISUI: [stepping off the platform] Hey, what am I doing here? This looks like an old Star Trek set…

[All glance at her. She's redheaded, wearing jeans and a tank top with Sesshoumaru's picture on the front. Inuyasha slaps a hand to his forehead.]

INUYASHA: [looking at it and pulling a face] Just tell us your name. The rest, I don't think we want to know…

YAMISUI: Er...I'm Yamisui…and I come from… [Miroku has taken her hands in his.]

MIROKU: [with a lady-killer smile] Will you bear my child?

[Just as Yamisui slaps him, they all hear a voice booming over the starship's intercom.]

VOICE: Greetings, my little victims. Welcome aboard…your worst nightmare! MooWAhahahahahaha!

INUYASHA: [hand on sword-hilt] I know that voice.

MIROKU: [angrily] NARAKU!

NARAKU: That's right…heh heh heh... Go to the bridge of the Enterprise, and I shall reveal to you my grand and evil design.

NARUTO: [glancing around him] The `bridge'? There's water on this thing?

KAMUI: [disdainfully] It's a ship. The bridge is like the main control room. Don't you have television where you come from?

NARUTO: [blank-faced] Uh…where I come from, we practice shuriken*-throwing for fun. [*note: shuriken are ninja-stars]

CHIYO: [curiously] Shuriken?

[Naruto proceeds to throw one, pinning Inuyasha's sleeve to the wall.]

ALL (except Inuyasha): Oooooooooooooooo…

INUYASHA: [pulling free] Feh. That's NOTHING. My Tetsusaiga can…

YAMISUI: [standing in the doorway] Um, maybe we should do what Naraku says.

[3 HOURS LATER…they arrive at the bridge]

INUYASHA: Damn, that took FOREVER! Why do all the halls on this ship have to look the same?

YAMISUI: Because the original Star Trek had a crappy budget and couldn't afford too many different sets.

NARUTO: [going to town pressing all the buttons he can get his hands on] Hey, hey, look at all these! All so shiny, and they do absolutely nothing but beep at me!

CHIYO: [worriedly] Don't break anything…

[All turn abruptly as Naraku's image comes onto the ship's main screen. He's standing on the bridge of a Star Destroyer in all his black-haired, bishounen glory, wearing clothes from Feudal Japan.]

NARAKU: HAHAHAHA! At last, we have all of you in our clutches!

INUYASHA: [making a weird face] `We'? As in plural?

MIROKU: [whispering to Inuyasha] Has all that shape-shifting caused him to snap and think he's Smeagol?

NARAKU: [irritably] I heard that. And I will not forget it. Oh, how I intend to make you suffer. [clenches one fist, savoring a moment of evil intensity]

ALL (except Naraku): ". . . .?"

NARAKU: Ahem. Yes, well, make yourselves comfortable aboard Enterprise's bridge, for I am going to subject you to some of the worst devices of torture that are within my power to conjure.

NARUTO: [blinking] Eh?

KAMUI: [leans over and whispers to him] He means `really bad things,' heading our way.

CHIYO: [sinking into one of the chairs near a console with lots of buttons] Oh…How terrible!

KAMUI: [addressing Naraku angrily] You! Evil Takahashian bishounen! What makes you think we have to stay here and endure this?

NARAKU: [smirking] One of my assistants has rigged your ship so that all other quarters are filled with poisoned gas until the duration of the torture ends. Thus you MUST endure.

CHIYO: Um…who are your assistants?

NARAKU: In due time, all shall be revealed. But now…I think it's time for our first little session…

NARUTO: [defiant and loud] DO YOUR WORST!

[Both Inuyasha and Kamui dive for him and clamp their hands over his mouth.]

KAMUI: Brat! Don't ENCOURAGE him…

MIROKU: [curiously, addressing Naraku] Just what are you sending us?

NARAKU: [a maniacal gleam in his eye] Fanfiction!

ALL: ". . . . ."

NARAKU: [adds hastily] Not just ANY fanfiction---the Worst Fanfiction Ever. You shall be forced to endure it in full…and you shall taste the wrath of Naraku! It is my greatest ambition to make you read the utter dregs of online stories, so that you will eventually lose your sanity and destroy each other.

YAMISUI: [raising a finger] On that note, what exactly are you sending us now?

NARAKU: [smirking] Just a lovely little slice of hell that I have summoned forth from adultfanfiction.net!

ALL: ". . . ."

KAMUI: [after very long, awkward pause] Why were you visiting THAT site?

NARAKU: [realizing that he's just admitted more than he should have] Oh---yes, well---Come forth, demonic fanfiction story! Wreak your madness upon them!

*BEEP* [monitor switches off in a hurry]

MIROKU: [addressing Naruto and Inuyasha, who look as if they're about to come to blows over who gets the captain's chair] Listen you two! Don't kill each other---that's what he WANTS!

YAMISUI: [coming to stand beside him] He's right. Our best hope for survival is to coexist peacefully and try to sustain each other through the torture.

MIROKU: [glancing sidelong at her] You know, you're really sexy when you agree with me…

[Yamisui moves away from him in great haste.]

NARUTO: [taking a seat at the navigator's console instead] Hey! Ero-houshi!* It's starting, so we should all sit down! [*note: "ero-" is a prefix meaning "perverted," for those of you not familiar with Naruto; Naruto is calling Miroku "perverted-monk"]

[All sit down---Miroku finally taking the captain's chair. The room darkens…the screen begins to glow a toxic green…and then...]

I do not own rights to pokemon is anyway, that honor belongs to its creators.

YAMISUI (horrified): Oh sweet lord…he loves Pokemon AND he can't spell… I don't think I'm gonna survive this…

The Mewtwo Story

MIROKU: A tale of a mother Snorlax's love versus courtroom corruption---tonight on Lifetime.

This is the real story of Mewtwo, and what really happened.

NARUTO (spoofing Resident Evil 2): My name is Pikachu, and I remember everything…

CHIYO (awed): This is REAL? Everything I've ever known must be a lie…

At the time that Mewtwo was created, a young girl named Ivy was hired to guard him. Ivy was about eighteen years old and really pretty. She was of average height, and really thin.

YAMISUI: What IS the average height for anime characters these days?

CHIYO: It depends on the size of the screen.

Ivy had long flowing brown hair, that was pulled back into a tight ponytail which showed off her deep green eyes and pale skin.

KAMUI: Oh, dear God---we have a Mary Sue sighting, Captain.

MIROKU: Confirmed. Hold steady.

She wasn't dressed like the other scientists though, Ivy wore a long white dress, that was made from satin cloth so it seemed to gleam in the light.

MIROKU: Yet it only SEEMED to gleam in the light, for in truth the dress was deceiving them all…

The dress went down to her ankles and reveled her white open toe sandals.

NARUTO: Tee hee---how naughty!

KAMUI: Erm---for a male author, he's paying FAR too much attention to her wardrobe.

INUYASHA: He's posting a Pokemon story on adultfanfiction.net---it's pretty safe to assume he's got issues…

YAMISUI: The author seems like the kind of guy who'd have a few garters and feather boas in his closet.

MIROKU: Well, I mean, who doesn't?

ALL: ". . . ."

MIROKU: Ah…ahem…back to our story…

Ivy's job, was to stand by Mewtwo's tube, making sure if Mewtwo moved at all, that she told the scientists.

YAMISUI (sings): "Every breath you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you…"

MIROKU: Apparently the internet is short of breath, so the author had to put extra commas in to let it pause and rest.

At first, she thought that this job was boring and that there was no point in doing this at all.

KAMUI: Sort of like reading this story…

It wasn't until after Mewtwo's little friend Amber, who was a clone of the lead doctor's daughter, died.

CHIYO: Mr. Author, I detect a lot of underlying issues here with fear of commitment…but in spite of that you MUST learn to finish the sentences you start.

Mewtwo had gotten really upset and Ivy felt that she needed to be there for him.
Finally, the day of Mewtwo's birth came and the scientists were all talking about how Mewtwo's brain waves were surging, but Ivy was paying close attention to him to see if he would move.

NARUTO: She should try tapping on the glass.

Slowly, Mewtwo opened his eyes and Ivy smiled and got wicked excited.

YAMISUI: Apparently, this was written by a pervy Welshman.

"Umm doctor, his eyes have opened." Ivy said.

INUYASHA: Okay…the one place a comma SHOULD go, he leaves it out…

The doctor just ignored her and kept talking with the other scientists. But Mewtwo started to brake the tube using his powers, Ivy ran to get a towel.

KAMUI: To wipe up all the brake fluid, I guess…

The doctor turned only to see Mewtwo brake the tube and land on the flat bottom of it.

The doctor started talking to Mewtwo, explaining how he was created and why he was.

YAMISUI: With ink.

MIROKU: To amuse small children.

Ivy snuck up next to Mewtwo, and gently started drying his arm with the soft white towel. The liquid that was in the tube, was all over him and it was part of her job to dry him off.

NARUTO: So the only job she could find was toweling off wet Pokemon?

CHIYO: Children, this is why we stay in school.

Mewtwo looked at Ivy as soon as she touched him and just gazed at her in curiosity. Ivy looked back at him and smiled.

ALL: ". . . . ."

KAMUI (pale-faced with horror): Oh, no…I think we've found our pairing for this fic…

"Hi Mewtwo, my name is Ivy and I'll be your caretaker while you are here. But right now, I want you to pay attention to what the doctor has to tell you. That is after I dry your face, so hold still. Ivy said as she very softly whipped his cheek with the towel.

KAMUI: Captain, we have an S&M sighting on the monitor…

MIROKU: Hold your course, helmsman!

NARUTO: Arrr, the map, she reads "here there be kinkiness…"

As she did this, she looked into his deep violet eyes. She couldn't believe how intense they were. Mewtwo looked as though he were studying her, watching her every move.

KAMUI: …figuring out how best to kill her for whipping him…

"Alright Ivy, you can go. The doctor said.
"Okay." Ivy replied.

MIROKU: Heh heh, a girl who enjoys fraternizing with doctors…I like that…

INUYASHA: Shut it, hentai. Chiyo-chan's only eleven…

CHIYO: It's alright. I have a feeling this story's going to rob me of my innocence, anyway.

Ivy looked deep into Mewtwo's eyes and leaned into him do that she could whisper to him.

ALL(sing): "Keep on whispering in my ear/ tell me all the things that I wanna hear…"

"I have to go now Mewtwo, but I want you to know that I do indeed care for you and maybe someday you will realize how much." She said before giving him a small hug and turning to leave.
"But I thought you said you were going to be my care taker." Mewtwo replied.

NARUTO (Mewtwo): …`cause we had that moment back there, and stuff…

KAMUI (feebly hopeful): Well, maybe she'll leave the lab and find herself a nice human…

"Yes, but I have a feeling that you won't be staying here to long." Ivy said as she left.

YAMISUI (Ivy): After all, this IS the dissection lab…

After Ivy left, the doctor goes back to telling Mewtwo more about how he is better then mew, who was the pokemon that Mewtwo was created from. Mewtwo listened to him quietly, while thinking to himself about how he does not want to be some ones science project.

INUYASHA (Smeagol): No, he doesn't, does he precious?

Using his physic powers, he blew up the lab and killed everyone inside.

NARUTO(confused): Wait, wasn't Mewtwo IN the lab, too? Did the author just kill off the only characters he had to work with?

Soon, Geovanni the team rocket leader came for Mewtwo.

YAMISUI (Author): Scene transitions? We don't need no stinking scene transitions!

He promised Mewtwo that they would be partners

KAMUI (Geovanni): I'll make you an offer you can't refuse.

and that Mewtwo would learn to control the power he possessed.

MIROKU (Geovanni): You must learn to use the Force, Mew…

When they arrived at Team Rocket headquarters, Mewtwo got a pleasant surprise.
He was in his chamber talking to Geovanni when Ivy came to see if any help was needed.

CHIYO: Sadly, needed help was not.

NARUTO: Ivy: yet another character cloned and resurrected after the great Mewtwo Lab Fire of the Previous Paragraph.

"It is you!" Mewtwo said a little shocked.

INUYASHA (Mewtwo): I thought I melted you along with the rest of those bastards!

"Yes Mewtwo, Ivy will be here to look after you and is your personal servant." Geovanni replied.
"Well, with that having been said, is there anything I should do for him right now?" Ivy asked.
"You could start preparing his lunch." Geovanni replied.
"Okay." Ivy replied.
"And Ivy, we aren't feeding him regular pokemon food. Make him something better." Geovanni ordered.

INUYASHA (Geovanni): He's on a strict diet of human flesh and Mai Tais.

"Alright." Ivy replied as she left.

Ivy went up to the kitchen to start making Mewtwo's meal. She decided to make him a grilled cheese sandwich, with bacon and tomatoes. She also gave him a chocolate cookie and a glass of milk.

NARUTO (drooling): Hey, that sounds good…I'll go get a snack…

INUYASHA (pulling him back down into his seat): You CAN'T leave. Poisoned gas, remember?

MIROKU: I guess we know exactly what the author was craving when he wrote this.

KAMUI (suspiciously): I hope the author isn't going to be this candid about ALL his cravings in this fic…

Ivy put all that on a wooden tray and carried it down to Mewtwo. When Ivy got down there, Mewtwo had his armor off and was sitting on the platform where his armor got charged up.

CHIYO: Plug N Play Mewtwo not available in some areas.

"Mewtwo, I brought your lunch." Ivy said as she set the tray down next to him.
Mewtwo picked it up and took a small bite.
"What do you think, do you like it?" Ivy asked.
"Yes, it is delicious." Mewtwo replied.
"Great, it will be interesting to see the different food that you like and don't." Ivy said.

ALL: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"I suppose." Mewtwo replied as he drank the milk, getting a milk mustache making Ivy laugh.
"What is so funny?" Mewtwo asked.
"You have milk on your face." Ivy replied.
Mewtwo looked at his reflection in the shiny floor and saw the thin white strip on his upper lip.

MIROKU: "Dear Readers: The above description has been provided for those of you too sheltered to know what a milk moustache looks like."

CHIYO: This fic sponsored by the American Dairy Corporation.

NARUTO: I'm not sure, guys, but I think this might be an actual plot point.

He used the napkin that was folded on the tray, to wipe his mouth.

KAMUI (sounding vastly relieved): Oh, thank GOD! And I was so worried about exactly how the mustache conflict would be resolved… [clutches heart and dabs at forehead with hanky]

After Mewtwo had finished his meal, he and Ivy sat together for a while just talking about things.
"So, what happened after I left?" Ivy asked.
"The scientists, started talking about how they were going to continue use me as their science experiment, they did not care for me at all." Mewtwo replied.

INUYASHA (Mewtwo): …so I delivered their souls to Hell.

"That's to bad, I had a feeling though that you wouldn't be in that place long and Geovanni offered me this job, so I took it." Ivy replied.
Just then, Geovanni came in.
"Has he eaten yet?" He asked.
"Yes sir." Ivy replied.

MIROKU (Geovanni): Did he wipe his mouth with the napkin that was folded on his tray?

CHIYO (Ivy): Yes sir!

"Good, he has a challenger waiting, so he must get prepared." Geovanni said.

NARUTO (Geovanni to Ivy): I want you to do his makeup.

"Alright." Ivy replied as she picked up Mewtwo's tray and walked to the kitchen to wash the dishes. While Mewtwo got into his armor and got ready for another battle.

YAMISUI: I'm getting conflicting views in my head of what this place actually looks like…

KAMUI: Probably something like a cross between Thunderdome and the Leave It To Beaver house.

NARUTO: Mewtwo's getting ready for ANOTHER battle? Were there some I missed? OH NO---I think there're HOLES in my memory!

This first day, led to a few good weeks. Ivy and Mewtwo were getting really close, and Geovanni was pleased with the service that Ivy was providing.
One day, Geovanni comes to Ivy and tells her that he is going on vacation for the next two weeks.

MIROKU: He says writing the story all in one tense is too exhausting and he needs a break.

He says, that he is going to close the gym so her only concern is to tend to Mewtwo.
"You can count on me sir." Ivy said.
"Don't let me down, I'll be back in two weeks." Geovanni replied.
"Alright, have a good time sir." Ivy said as he got in his helicopter with his Persian,

YAMISUI: …rug?

and left for his private beach resort.
Ivy went back down to be with Mewtwo, thinking to herself how much fun this was going to be.

CHIYO: It DOES sound fun! Staying up late, eating popcorn, painting each others' toenails…

INUYASHA (darkly): I doubt it, Chiyo-chan. This is adultfanfiction.net, remember?

CHIYO: ?

She went to where the controls were to his armor and used them to take the armor off. Ivy went into Mewtwo's chamber and hugged him.
"We have the next two weeks to ourselves, this is going to be so much fun." Ivy said.
"What are we going to do?" Mewtwo asked.

INUYASHA (Mewtwo): Attack local cities? Rape and pillage? World domination?

MIROKU (Mewtwo): Make arrangements for you to bear my child?

"Watch movies and just hang out." Ivy replied.
"I suppose that sounds like fun." Mewtwo said.

INUYASHA: I feel your pain, man. Girls are SO boring…

"It will be, I promise." Ivy said as she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and went to get the D.V.D player and movies.

YAMISUI: Okay, who the HELL still uses the dots in the acronym "DVD"? There should be a law that if you can't remember what the letters stand for any more, then you can't put dots in the acronym.

Mewtwo smiled a little and waited for Ivy to get back. Ivy came back, with the portable D.V.D player and about ten movies. She also brought her own inflatable couch, which she blew up and put on the floor.

MIROKU (exultantly): YES! INFLATABLES! You blow them up, they blow you!

ALL (except Miroku): BLECH!

NARUTO: Shut up, Ero-houshi. You'll scare Chiyo-chan.

"Okay Mewtwo, pick a movie." Ivy said as she set them down for him to see.

YAMISUI (Ivy): Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, The Land Before Time IV…

"I do not know which one I should choose, I have never seen a movie before." Mewtwo replied.
"Well, just pick one that looks interesting to you. While you decide, I'm going to order us a pizza for dinner." Ivy replied as she left to order the pizza. Mewtwo was having a hard time trying to pick a movie. Ivy had brought out, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, The Ring, and a few others.

INUYASHA (to author): Listing GOOD stories in the middle of your crappy fic WON'T save you.

Finally, Mewtwo picked Lord of the Rings and waited for Ivy to return.
Ivy came back with a pizza box in one hand, and a two-liter bottle of Pepsi and some glasses in the other.
"What did you pick for a movie, Mewtwo?" Ivy asked.
"This one." Mewtwo replied holding up the D.VD

MIROKU (bored): You know, I'm beginning to think the only kinkiness in this is the rush the author gets from screwing with the punctuation.

"Good choice, that's a great movie." Ivy replied.
Ivy put the movie in, and sat with Mewtwo and ate pizza. Mewtwo was really getting into the movie

NARUTO (Mewtwo, shouting at the screen): DON'T DO IT, FRODO! The Ring is EVIL!

MIROKU (Mewtwo, shouting at the screen): Forget ARWEN, Aragorn! Legolas is WAY prettier!

and Ivy took this as a good opportunity to get closer to him. She edged closer to him so that her arm and his were touching, and lay her head on his shoulder. Mewtwo looked at her.
"What are you doing?" Mewtwo asked.
"Why, do you not like that?" Ivy replied.

MIROKU (Mewtwo): Why yes I do. I was genetically engineered to have genitalia in my shoulders.

ALL: EW!

YAMISUI: All in favor of jettisoning the monk out an airlock, raise your hands.

[All hands go up.]

"No, it is fine but do you think this is right?" Mewtwo asked.

MIROKU: NO! Let's not be hasty, here! I'll change---I swear!

INUYASHA (stopping slow, menacing advance on the monk): Alright. But you have to keep it PG, okay?

MIROKU: But you said "fuck" back in the transporter room, so the PG rating's pretty much shot.

ALL: [looking at each other]

YAMISUI: He's got a point. [changes overall rating to PG 13]

"Is what right, me being this close to you?" Ivy asked.
"Yes." Mewtwo answered.
"It's fine, unless you feel uncomfortable with it." Ivy said.

KAMUI: As a reader, I'M feeling uncomfortable with it. What about ME?

"I am actually enjoying this." Mewtwo replied.
"I'm glad you feel that way." Ivy said as she kissed his cheek again.

INUYASHA: At some point is the author going to give us a reason WHY she's attracted to a bulgy-headed gray thing with a tail?

Mewtwo just smiled and put his arm around Ivy and continued watching the movie. After the movie was over, Ivy and Mewtwo were very tired.
"Well Mewtwo, I should be getting to bed." Ivy said.
"Alright, I will see you in the morning." Mewtwo replied

MIROKU (shaking his head, disappointed): Isn't there some law against posting fics with platonic relationships on adultfanfiction.net?

ALL (except Miroku): *sighs of vast relief*

Ivy and Mewtwo went to bed, and both slept pretty well. The next morning, Ivy woke up and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. She made pancakes, bacon, and eggs for both of them and filled glasses with apple juice.

INUYASHA (to author): No! Stop! You're leaving out important details! Did they brush their teeth first? Were the eggs hard-boiled?

CHIYO: What brand was the apple juice?

NARUTO: Did they still have crusties in their eyes when they ate?

Ivy went down to Mewtwo was already awake.
"Good morning Mewtwo." Ivy said as she set the tray down next to him.

YAMISUI: What's with the repeated setting down of the trays? Is this some gesture meant to convey sexual tension?

"Thank you Ivy, it looks delicious." Mewtwo replied.
"I'm glad you think so." Ivy said as she sat down beside him.
Well, the two weeks were passing by very quickly and on the last day before Geovanni came back, Ivy and Mewtwo decided to watch another movie.

KAMUI: Okay, at this point the plot is circling the drain.

This time Ivy picked the movie, and chose to watch Gone in Sixty Seconds. As they were watching the movie, Mewtwo whispers in Ivy's ear.
"I care for you." Which for him is saying the same thing as I love you, but he didn't really know how to say it.

YAMISUI: Yes, thieves and car-chase scenes! Bringing us all closer together!

Ivy smiles and snuggles into him, Mewtwo puts his arm around her again and rests his head on hers. Slowly, Mewtwo and Ivy start to drift off to sleep.

MIROKU: Meanwhile, back in the third-person present-tense…

The next morning, Geovanni came back and went down to Mewtwo's chamber and saw Ivy and Mewtwo sleeping together.

MIROKU: Well, I guess anything with knees as big as Mewtwo's would be well-adapted to "spooning."

He was pissed but waited for them to wake up. Ivy got up first and gently laid Mewtwo down on the blow up couch.

She was walking to the kitchen when

CHIYO: …back in the direct present tense…

Geovanni stops her.
"I saw you down there!" Geovanni said.
"We fell asleep watching a movie, I'm sorry." Ivy replied.

INUYASHA (Ivy): And while we slept little gnomes crept out of the woodwork and pulled off our clothes and rolled him on top of me, I swear!

"I don't care! I told you when I hired you, that I did not want you getting to close to him!" Geovanni said very sternly.

ALL: No you DIDN'T!

"Why not? He needs a little caring for." Ivy replied.
"No he does not, and I'm going to put and end to that right now.

INUYASHA (Geovanni): You and your damned KINDNESS!

Ivy, you are fired get out of here and never come back!" Geovanni said as he stormed off.
Ivy's eyes filled with tears, she went to her room and packed her things. She went down to Mewtwo to say goodbye. He was still asleep, but Ivy gently woke him up.

NARUTO: …by whipping him with a towel.

"Mewtwo, wake up honey." Ivy said as she stroked his cheek.

ALL: *GAG*

Mewtwo woke up and looked at Ivy.
"Mewtwo, I have to leave." Ivy said.
"What, why?" Mewtwo asked.

MIROKU (Mewtwo): Oh, baby, where you gots to go?

"I got fired for sleeping with you last night." Ivy replied.
"But, that was a simple mistake." Mewtwo said.
"Well, not to him it's not." Ivy said.
"Alright Ivy, if you have to leave, then I do not want you getting into more trouble for being here so go." Mewtwo said as a tear dripped down the side of his face.

MIROKU (studying the Air Rip hole in his right hand): I wonder if it's possible to suck myself in?

YAMISUI: Ssh… This is very moving.

"Listen to me Mewtwo, you and I will meet again someday I promise. You're very strong now, you'll get out of here just like you did at the lab. Just be patient and wait for the right time."

CHIYO (Ivy): Then explode them all into human shrapnel and I'm yours…

Ivy said as she kissed his soft mouth and turned to leave.

ALL: BLAUGH!

"Ivy, wait!" Mewtwo called out to her.
Ivy looked back at him, Mewtwo went up to her and hugged her tightly.
"I am going to miss you Ivy." He said with tears running down his cheeks.

NARUTO: I sure won't.

"I will miss you to baby, but I have to go. I will see you again sometime I promise." Ivy replied as she left the room and the gym.

CHIYO (hopefully): Is it over?

ALL: . . . .

KAMUI (cautiously): It SEEMS to be over… No more words are appearing.

[The lights on the Enterprise bridge come back on.]

NARUTO: So we can leave…right?

[All of them rise from their seats and make for the door, but then Miroku calls them back. They stop and turn around.]

MIROKU (in a hollow, dead sort of way): No, wait. Look at the screen.

[On the screen is one more word. Just one---but in each of their hearts it rings the bells of doom…]

"INTERMISSION"

[To be concluded in Part II…mooWAhahahahaha…]

Yamisui: Like what you see? If you like Inuyasha, check out my other stories: "The Bearers of the Shards" and its sequel "Lord of the West," and also my four IY humorous poems: "Why Our Love Can Never Be," "Why Our Love Must Fail," "Naraku's Lament," and "The Bishonen of Few Words."