Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / X/1999 Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction / Azumanga Daioh Fan Fiction ❯ MST3K: Love In All The Wrong Places ❯ Part II ( Chapter 2 )

Author's Note: I don't own any of the characters from Rumiko Takahashi's "Inuyasha," "Azumanga Daioh," "Naruto," or Clamp's "X." Nor do I own any other characters that might show up. The original story roasted herein can be found on adultfanfiction.net under the anime/pokemon sub-categories…should you for some bizarre reason feel compelled to read it. I don't own any of that author's characters, thank God.

That said, let's get down to business.

THEME SONG:

In an alternate dimension

Somewhere in time and space

A bunch of random characters

Were all imprisoned in one place

Pursued by Naraku and some other guys

---some evil villains, whom we all despise

They stole a ship from an old Star Wars set

And some toxic little goodies that were coughed up by the `net.

NARAKU: I'll send them crappy stories---the worst I can find

(lalala)

and I'll force them to sit and read them all

until I make them lose their minds

(lalala)

Now bear in mind they can't control where the fics begin or end

(lalala)

They'll try to keep their sanity

With the help of some newfound friends

FANFIC ROLLCALL:

INUYASHA: What the HELL…?!

MIROKU: Hentai proud!

CHIYO-CHAN: I'm cute!

NARUTO: MST no Jutsu!

KAMUI: I'm a bishie!

YAMISUI: I'm the author. (go me)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe

And other science facts

Please repeat to yourself

"They're just cartoons, and I should really just relax."

For MYSTERY FANFIC THEATER 2000 (strum)

THE BRIDGE, ABOARD THE STAR DESTROYER

NARAKU: heh heh heh…

[He's sitting in his Darth Vader chair rubbing his hands together and looking happily sinister.]

NARAKU: Yes! My plan is progressing smoothly. Those fools think they can handle "The Mewtwo Story" without losing their minds… But they have yet to see…[primal scream] PART TWO! MooWAhahahahahaha….

THOK!

THOK!

NARAKU: [looking out the view-screen at the Enterprise, floating in front of the Star Destroyer] What's this? The sound of missiles striking my ship? Do they DARE attack the nearly omnipotent NARAKU?!

[He walks over to the Star Destroyer's console and starts punching buttons and twisting dials.]

NARAKU (muttering darkly to himself): I'll show THEM…just because it's intermission they think they're free to attack MY ship…

[He pulls a lever with red warning signs all around it.]

NARAKU: Let them now taste the power of my Star Destroyer, the SS Takahashi!

[He pushes the lever back, and then a little panel in the console opens to reveal the steaming object within.]

NARAKU (picking it up): Ah, there! My cappuccino's done. [takes a sip, sets it down, then turns back to the console] And NOW…[punches a very large yellow button with a skull and crossbones over it]

[THE BRIDGE, ABOARD THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE]

BAM!

[All aboard the bridge are thrown to the floor as their ship is hit by something.]

INUYASHA (outraged): What the HELL was THAT?

NARUTO (confused): He's SHOOTING at us? I thought he wanted us to kill EACH OTHER…

MIROKU (starting to panic): This makes no SENSE!

YAMISUI (panicking): @#$%! WE'RE GONNA DIE!

KAMUI (only vaguely disappointed): Death comes to us all at some point, so it's best to go out in a blaze of glory and shrapnel.

CHIYO (calmly): Everyone, calm down. Panicking will get us nowhere. We need to assess the situation. Helmsman, status report please.

NARUTO (staggering into helmsman's chair): We're still on course, Chiyo-chan Sir. We're being controlled by the Star Destroyer's tractor beam. We won't be able to---ACK! [gets booted off the chair by Inuyasha]

INUYASHA: I wanna be the helmsman!

CHIYO: You can't both be the helmsman. Naruto-kun, you can go be the man who punches the ship's laser cannon.

INUYASHA: I wanna be the laser-cannon guy!

MIROKU (fingering the prayer beads over his accursed hand): You know, my Wind Tunnel is sound-proof. I'm sure from inside it we wouldn't be able to hear you whine…

INUYASHA: Feh. [takes helm seat, grumbling to himself]

CHIYO: Yamisui, you be our communications officer.

MIROKU (drooling): Doesn't that means she has to wear a miniskirt, go-go boots, and a beehive hairdo?

ALL (except Miroku): NO!!!

CHIYO (taking the captain's chair): And Kamui…you can…um…well, since you like predicting doom you can be our engineer.

KAMUI (glumly): But I know nothing of technology---only spiritual energy.

CHIYO: That's all right. All you have to do is say things like "She canna take much more `o this, Captain!" and "We need more antimatter!" at random moments.

KAMUI: Okay…

YAMISUI: Captain, I've raised Naraku on the communication frequency.

CHIYO: Put him on screen.

NARAKU: KUKUKU! That's what you get for scratching my ship with your feeble keychain lasers! [He's wearing a terrycloth bathrobe with yellow duckies on it, but doesn't seem to notice.]

ALL: …………. (moment of silence for wardrobes gone bad)

CHIYO: We never fired on you. You retaliated unnecessarily.

NARAKU (looking thoughtful): Hm….then what was…?

THOK!

THOK!

THOK!

NARAKU: Wait…that's not coming from space…. It's coming from INSIDE MY SHIP…

[He stalks further back along the bridge, walking along the gantry (overhead walkway) and looking down at the level below.]

THOK THOK THOK THOK THOK THOK

[What he sees is Orochimaru and Itachi Uchiha (Naruto villains) playing ping pong.]

OROCHIMARU: An excellent rally, Uchiha-san.

ITACHI (coldly): Hate and detest me, Orochimaru, or you'll NEVER win…

NARAKU: Fools! Don't play ping pong on top of my war table! You'll scratch it up!

ITACHI (looking up at him, says icily): We WOULD play in the rec room, but we found all the naked posters of Sesshoumaru to be a touch unnerving.

NARAKU: SILENCE, you fools! The viewscreen's still on!

[ABOARD THE ENTERPRISE]

ALL: . . . .

[ABOARD THE SS TAKAHASHI]

NARAKU (returning to stand before the viewscreen): Ahem. Well, since it seems we won't be having a space battle, you'll be finishing your fanfiction story now. Sayonara…

[ABOARD THE ENTERPRISE]

NARUTO (wailing): Oh NO! We've got fanfic time……

[All sit down, with Chiyo still in the captain's chair. The room darkens…the screen begins to glow a toxic green…and then...]

Ivy had used to be great friends with Ash,

KAMUI (moans): So why couldn't she have been paired with HIM?!

so she decided to go find him and hang with him, Misty, and Brock.

MIROKU: …where they all had a foursome. The end. [gets up to leave, but Yamisui restrains him]

YAMISUI (gently): You have to stay. It's not going to end just because we want it to…

She went to Ash's house where he was and when she got there,

NARUTO: …he wasn't there.

she told Ash what happened.
"So, he fired you just for falling asleep with it?" Misty asked.

"Yeah, I mean you guys sleep with your pokemon, so what's about what I did?" Ivy asked.

KAMUI: Dear God…is she daring to imply that this is NORMAL?

INUYASHA (hollowly): It IS normal. Just check any R to NC-17 section of Pokemon fanfiction.

YAMISUI: I don't think people of ANY age are old enough to view Pokesex…

"Nothing Ivy, that gym leader is just an ass hole." Brock replied.

"I just hope I see Mewtwo again." Ivy said.
"I'm sure you will." Ash replied.

MIROKU: After all, this fic has to earn its rating SOMEHOW…

Meanwhile back at the

YAMISUI: …ranch…

gym, Mewtwo was having difficulty dealing with not being near Ivy. He and Geovanni had a fight, and Mewtwo got fed up with everything and blew up the Team Rocket headquarters using his psychic powers.

KAMUI (speaks up after prolonged silence): I have psychic powers.

ALL (except Kamui): . . . . . .

He went back to the island where he was born and from there, created his own castle and laboratory.

NARUTO: With WHAT-sand and coconuts?

A few weeks went by, and Ivy was starting to get depressed from being away from Mewtwo. She hardly slept and her appetite and gone down too,

NARUTO: Really? Mine too.

INUYASHA: I haven't wanted to eat since we started this fic, and I probably won't ever again.

she needed to get to him again soon. Ivy was hanging around with Ash and his friends, the day Ash got the invitation to go to New Island to meet the world's greatest pokemon trainer.

YAMISUI: Now THERE'S a creative place-name…

MIROKU: Yes, come to New Island! Sign up for reservations at Good Diner with a view of Nice Harbor! (Flights from Old Island available for booking through your local travel agent.)

"Hey Ivy, maybe you will get to see Mewtwo on this island." Ash said trying to cheer his friend up.
Ivy just smiled and went back to staring off into space, like she always did when she was depressed.

YAMISUI: [smiles and stares off into space]

INUYASHA: [smiles and stares off into space]

MIROKU: [smiles and stares off into space]

NARUTO: [smiles and stares off into space]

KAMUI: [smiles and stares off into space]

CHIYO: [smiles and stares off into space]

The group started to make their way to the wharf, where they would be taking the ferry. Suddenly, a huge storm came up and the gang got completely drenched.

MIROKU (author): I am fanfic author! Watch me exercise my god-like control over the weather!

After learning that their ferry had been canceled, Ivy got a little discouraged but then Team Rocket who were dressed in Viking outfits came and gave Ash and the other's a ride.

YAMISUI: You'd think Ash would've been just a LI'L suspicious when the "Vikings" showed up piloting a submarine…

They were flopping around in the ocean,

KAMUI: …like a gutted Garados on a boat deck…

CHIYO: …apparently having teleported from Team Rocket's submarine into the water…

until a big wave came tossing them into the ocean.

NARUTO: …which they were already in beforehand, so the wave didn't really DO much, did it?

YAMISUI (author): MooWAhahahahaha! I control the WAVES, too!

Using Ash's Squirtal and Misty's Staryu,

INUYASHA: …for a food source while stranded mid-ocean…

they finally got to New Island.
Ash presented his invitation to get into the palace,

CHIYO: …along with his golden gown and glass slipper…

and the strange woman led them up to where they would meet this pokemon master.

MIROKU: …which may not have been wise, but Ash had always had a certain fetish for strange women…

Ivy and the others met the three other trainers that were also waiting to meet the pokemon master. Ash talked with one of them, before the room went dark and bright blue light shown down from the top of the spiral ramp at the end of the room.

YAMISUI: "ATTENTION ALL K-MART SHOPPERS! KLEENEX AND PAPER TOWELS NOW ON SALE, TWO-FOR-ONE!"

Suddenly, a pokemon came down from the top of the ramp and softly landed on the floor and stood before the trainers.
"This is the ruler of New Island and soon the whole world, Mewtwo." The strange woman announced.

ALL: Charmed.

Ivy's eyes lit up and a big smile lined her face.

ALL: : )

CHIYO: For some reason, that makes her sound demented.

But one of the trainers decided to be an ass hole

INUYASHA: I make that same decision a lot of mornings.

and Mewtwo threw him into a pool where the trainer's Garados was.

The trainer had his pokemon try and attack Mewtwo but using his powers, Mewtwo sent the Garado's hyper beam attack right back at it.

INUYASHA: I can only pull off an attack like that when I've had too much caffeine.

After that, Mewtwo released the strange woman from his control. The woman turned out to be the nurse that had disappeared from a treatment center. Mewtwo then explained how he had brought her to the island and how she proved useful for his plan and how he had cleansed her mind from memories of the last few weeks.

NARUTO: I want MY mind cleansed…

MIROKU: I don't.

KAMUI (morosely): Sweet, forgetful oblivion…

Ivy was trying to hold in her excitement but it was really hard. Finally, after Misty called Mewtwo a bully Ivy couldn't keep it in anymore.
"He's not a bully, he's the greatest pokemon in the world. It's good to see that you finally got away from Geovanni." Ivy said to Mewtwo.
"Yes, but now I have my own purpose and that is to do away with humans." Mewtwo replied.

NARUTO: Why do they always want to do away with humans? Why doesn't the villain ever want to conquer something cooler, like dolphins or chimpanzees?

"Except me though right? I always cared for you." Ivy said.
"The only way, that I would keep you in my life, is if you became my personal servant." Mewtwo replied with a glare.

MIROKU: Captain, sensors indicate possible bondage scene approaching…

CHIYO: Raise the shields---she may be cloaked.

INUYASHA and YAMISUI (singing Dupesch Mode): "Let's play/Master and Servant!"

"Hey, that works for me. That's what I always was to you anyway." Ivy said.
"Fine, then get over here." Mewtwo said pointing to a platform behind him.

KAMUI (Mewtwo): Your first assignment: die.

MIROKU (rubbing his forehead): We should be so fortunate.

Ivy silently obeyed him and stood on the platform behind him.
"And I want you silent." Mewtwo ordered.

ALL: YES! The evil domineering Pokemon speaks for all of us!

"As you wish Mewtwo." Ivy replied.
Mewtwo turned to look at the trainers and started lecturing them on how humans were a dangerous species and how he was born with no purpose to be a slave.

YAMISUI: My mother always gave me that same lecture when I wouldn't eat my broccoli.

Eventually,

CHIYO: …five hours later…

Ash challenged him to a match and Mewtwo brought out his own pokemon. He and his pokemon and Ivy walked to the far end of the stadium. Ivy walked beside Mewtwo in silence but got up the courage to talk to him.
"Mewtwo, for what it's worth to you, I still love you and nothing you make me do will change that. I made a vow to myself the day you were born, to always stand by you no matter what." Ivy said.

INUYASHA (Mewtwo): I thought I told you to stay on the PLATFORM, bitch!

NARUTO: I thought she was supposed to be SILENT…

"Well, that vow will be tested tonight. The events that transpire here, you may not enjoy." Mewtwo replied.

MIROKU: "Mewtwo's Schedule:

Steal Misty's Pokemon

butt-rape Ash

thirty lashes for everybody

snacks

butt-rape Brock

use psychic powers to explode gym"

CHIYO: Just so long as "story-time" isn't on there…

NARUTO (shudders): I think we're getting all the "story" we can take as it is…

"I don't care, I will not brake that vow. I owe it to you." Ivy said.

YAMISUI (Ivy): "I brake for vows."

"Very well then. Now I want you silent as I battle, not that I need the concentration but as my servant you will continue to be seen and not heard. Do I make myself clear?" Mewtwo asked with a glare.
"Yes Mewtwo." Ivy replied.

KAMUI: So…if she doesn't `brake' this vow, we won't have to endure a lemon?

ALL (except Kamui): She's GOING to `brake' it…

Mewtwo talking to her this way was braking Ivy's heart, but she was determined to stand by him as she promised. Ivy watched as Mewtwo battled, Ash and two of the other trainers and won all three of the battles with great ease. Mewtwo clamed the trainers pokemon as his prize and captured every pokemon.

CHIYO: If someone "catches `em all" then doesn't "Pokemon" have to end?

NARUTO: If he captures every Pokemon, doesn't that include himself?

Ivy was shocked, she couldn't believe her beloved Mewtwo was being so cruel. Mewtwo looked at her and he knew that she didn't like what was going on.
"You are having difficulty watching this aren't you?" Mewtwo asked.

MIROKU (Mewtwo): Here's a blindfold.

"Yes, but I have no choice. I have to stand by you, I fucking promised." Ivy answered as she turned away from him and closed her eyes tight trying to hold back tears.

YAMISUI: Boy, the Turrets syndrome really kicks in when she's off her meds…

Mewtwo started to feel somewhat sorry about how he was making Ivy feel, but he pretended not to be effected by her tears. He just continued to watch the trainers chase after the pokemon to prevent them from being captured.

NARUTO: …even though they'd already all been captured by Mewtwo two paragraphs ago…

Finally, all the pokemon had been captured and Mewtwo, his three pokemon, and Ivy walked out to the middle of the stadium and he forced the other trainers against the back wall.

ALL: BLAUGH! NO! NOT against the WALL!!!

Mewtwo announced that the hour of his vengeance was drawing near and that they couldn't escape their fate. But then Mewtwo's new clones came up from his lab, he had cloned all of the trainer's pokemon. Mewtwo explained that with pokemon and humans eliminated that the clones would inherit the world.

CHIYO (sings): "Where are…the clones? Send in…the clones…"

Just then, Ash and the original pokemon came up

KAMUI: …even though Mewtwo had already captured all the Pokemon…

and Ash told Mewtwo how he was not going to allow Mewtwo to destroy everything. However, Ash made the mistake of trying to hit Mewtwo and he sent Ash flying using his powers. That would have killed him if Mew's pink bubble hadn't saved him.

NARUTO: "Mew Fruit-Splash Gum-Bigger Bubbles, Bigger Taste!"

Both this astonished him and Mewtwo, they wondered what the hell had just happened.

MIROKU: Just like the befuddled readers…

Suddenly, Mew appeared and popped the bubble laughing as Ash hit the ground.

INUYASHA (Mew): Your pain gives me joy!

Seeing Mew, made Mewtwo even more surprised and at first he didn't believe his eyes. But then Mewtwo sent his a shadow ball after Mew popping the bubble that Mew was bouncing on. This sent Mew flying but he used his magic to teliport himself away from the next three shadow balls that Mewtwo sent at him. Mewtwo then decided to chase Mew around the stadium trying to get him to fight. Finally, Mewtwo through another shadow ball at Mew that hit him and sent him flying. Mewtwo laughed to himself thinking he had gotten rid of Mew. Then, Mew sent a ball of light that hit Mewtwo, knocking him into the bleachers of the stadium. Ivy ran up to the bleachers.
"Mewtwo are you alright?" She called out.

KAMUI (sighs): There she goes, `braking' her vow of silence again…

"Yes, I am fine." Mewtwo answered as he glared at Mew.
Mewtwo explained to Mew that he did not have to for games, and that their destiny was going to be decided that night with an all out battle. The clones against the originals, this idea made Ivy start to cry,

NARUTO: *starts to cry, too*

she didn't want this to happen and Mewtwo could see her trying to hold her feelings back.
"Ivy, I told you that this would be a test on you. Why do you continue to stand by me if you do not like what I am doing?" Mewtwo asked.
"Because I love you, and I want to be one human that kept their word to you." Ivy replied as the tears started to stream down her face.

INUYASHA: …and the snot started to flow from her nose…

YAMISUI: …and the fic started to drip right off the screen…

Mewtwo looked at her unsure of what to say, but then he just glared at Mew and without looking at Ivy said.
"Ivy, I am sorry for this, but this is what must be done"
After ha said that, he sent his pokemon into battle and he and Mew started to fight.

NARUTO: I don't know about you guys, but I'm rooting for "ha."

The battles between the pokemon were brutal and Ivy tucked herself into a corner, and brought her knees up to her chin and cried.

YAMISUI: "The Mewtwo Story"-the fic that induces the fetal position…

She couldn't bare it anymore, watching this was tarring her apart and

MIROKU: …feathering her…

she just wished Mewtwo would come to his senses and just hold her like he did once before. The battles went on for a while until Mew and Mewtwo gathered all their strength for on final confrontation, but Ash yelled out for the fighting to stop and got stuck by Mew and Mewtwo's attack.

CHIYO: All that pink gum, I guess…

This made him turn into stone and his Pikachu ran over to him and shocked him.

INUYASHA: …even …though ...MEWTWO …ALREADY …CAPTURED …ALL …THE …POKEMON …! YARGH!

YAMISUI (restraining him from inflicting violence): It's okay, Inuyasha. We're all here for you. Just sit down….relax…and we'll make it through the recurring plot holes TOGETHER…

Trying to get Ash to come back to life.

YAMISUI (Ash, singing Evanescence): "Wake me up inside!"

This made all the other pokemon cry as well.

NARUTO: Yeah, Yamisui, your singing's pretty bad.

YAMISUI: I know…I'm sorry…

Ivy looked up to see this and took this as an opportunity to go up to Mewtwo. She stood next to him and gently put her hand on his arm. Mewtwo looked quickly at her.

INUYASHA (Mewtwo): GAH! Heart palpitations!

Ivy's eyes were still full of tears and Mewtwo felt so badly about making her feel this way and hugged her.