Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ A Whisper Of Remembrence ❯ Hope For The Dead ( Chapter 1 )

Title- A Whisper Of Remembrence

Authour- Krimson Void

Rating- NC-17 (eventualy)

A/N- This fic takes place when Gary is 18 and Ash is 17. I'm using their dubbed names because it's easier for me to remember. There will be more pairings then just ShiShi so consider yourself forewarned.

Chapter 1

Hope For The Dead

The pale winter sun glinted off the fresh powder as Ash trudged his way through on his way home to Pallet town. He wasn't exactly thrilled about it either, and it showed. If a passing stranger had seen his face they would have thought he was suffering through some horrendous tradgedy. They would have been half right at least. He was suffering, but it was only on the inside, where the chill of winter couldn't touch the cold in his heart. It hadn't always been this way. He had been happy once, he had the memories to prove it. But over time, little by little, he'd become this broken, tormented soul. It was pretty pathetic realy. He was the current pokemon master and he'd been nursing a broken heart the whole time.

He couldn't help laughing at himself and laughed even harder at the hollow sound of it. Thinking back to what brought him to this point made him wonder if he was a glutton for punishment. It had only been a message. He'd just settled into the pokecenter in Saffron when Nurse Joy had given him an important message from home. There had been an accident, a bad one. Gary was in the hospital. In a coma, very bad. Come home now. That's about all it had said. So of course the first thing he'd wanted to do was go the exact opposite direction. Anything but go home to the memories. Then why was he doing what he was trying to avoid?

That was an easy one.....he still loved him. Big no brainer there. But he didn't have to stay, just pay his respects and vanish as fast as his feet would carry him. He wasn't keen on hearing Garys taunting voice insult him again. Just before dusk he crested the last accursed snowdrift and finaly set eyes on Pallet town. It looked the same as the last time he'd left. That was always one thing he could count on, things never changed here. It was as if the town were frozen in some warped painting of normality. But he loved this place, even with all the memories.

No where to run to now, he'd have to face it and survive the best he could. His house shortly came into view and he went in as if he'd never left. 'Mom, I'm home!' he hollered to annouce his arrival as he trudged upstairs to dump his stuff. She met him at the top of the stairs, her eyes rimmed in red from crying and fatique. 'Oh Ash! You finaly made it, I was wondering what was keeping you, honey.' she said in relief, hugging him close before continuing downstairs to start dinner. He hadn't bothered to tell her he'd taken as long as he could to avoid it. Dumping his stuff in his room he went to shower before dinner.

On entering the kitchen he found her hard at work cooking enough food for an army. Though it was just enough for him of course. He sat down at the table and poured himself a cup of tea from the pot sitting there while he watched her. 'So....what happened?' he asked, trying to sound only curious to mask his real concerns. She stopped chopping and came to sit down with him, pouring herself a cup as she composed herself. She'd been crying again. 'Oh Ash, it was so horrible. No one ever expected such a thing to happen to him...' she said sadly, holding back more tears.

'Mom, just start at the beginning.' he encouraged, patting her hand. She sniffled, wiping her eyes and nodded. 'Alright then....Well, it started about 4 days ago. Prof. Oak had sent him out to catalouge the herd of tauros that had been growing suprisingly fast recently. He set out very early in hopes of sighting them while they were still sleeping so it would be easier to count them. Of course he found the herd and they weren't awake yet so he started counting quickly. But he hadn't seen the lead tauros keeping watch to the east of him. It happened so fast....before he could react the tauros had charged and thrown him head first into a boulder a short distance away.

He lost consciousness and we didn't find him until midmorning when Traci went out to feed the herd. They rushed him to the hospital as fast as they could. But his injuries were so terrible. Two broken ribs, a gaping wound in his side where he'd been gored, a massive concussion, cuts and bruises everywhere. The doctors doubted he'd pull through that first night. There was so much blood. He'd already slipped into a coma when he'd arrived in the ER. They've got him stabilized but he's still in the coma and they don't know if he'll ever wake up again.' she finished, breaking down into silent tears as she hid her face in a hanky.

Ash sat there in total disbelief. A coma? Might not ever wake up? This wasn't happening!! He could very well loose the person he loved and never get the chance to say goodbye. He needed to be by his side, even if it was hopeless and he knew Gary hated him now. He'd never forgive himself for doing less. 'Mom, I need to go see him. What hospital is he at?' he asked her as he rose to leave. She told him he was at East Celadon Medical and that many family and friends were keeping a vigil at his side. He didn't realy want to see anyone else but it couldn't be helped.

He arrived quickly using his pidgiotte and found the waiting room crowded with worried family and friends. Not wanting to be noticed he slipped by as quietly as possible, checking to see what room number he was in. It wasn't realy neccasery since there was a large group right outside the door. Spotting Prof. Oak he went to say hello. 'Prof Oak?' he said quietly by his side. 'Ash, I'm glad you could make it.' he said, a tiredness in his eyes he'd never noticed before. 'I had to come...' he said lamely, wracking his brain for something suitable to say in this situation.

'It's alright, Ash. I know this can't be easy for you either.' he reassured him, grasping his shoulder warmly. 'Would you like to see him?' he asked, nodding towards the door. Ash nodded and followed him silently into the room. The smell of antiseptic in the room was enough to make him feel ill as the bed came into view. He stepped up to it and couldn't help gasping in horror at the sight before him.

This couldn't be Gary...it just couldn't be. His wild auburn hair was all but hidden in the swaddling of bandages around his head. Dark stains of his blood were seeping through the wrappings. Tubes and wires were coming out of him from so many places. His once ruggedly handsome face looked like a thunderstorm of purple, black, and blue bruises. The paleness of his once tan skin frightened him near to panic. After a moment he had to look away, he could feel his own tears rising and he hated himself for it.

He could feel the Professors arm around him in support and let himself be led out into the hall without the slightest resistance. 'I didn't know it was so bad...' Ash said, fighting for control over the rising panic. He felt sick and it must have shown. 'Come on, lets go take a walk.' Prof. Oak said, leading him off yet again. When they got outside the fresh air was a welcome change and Ash felt as if he could breather again. So many hushed voices and the heaviness of the interior was just too much for him right now.

They walked for awhile in comfortable silence, just enjoying the clean winter air. 'It must be hard for you, seeing soemone you love suffering and being helpless to do anything about it.' Prof. Oak said, smiling kindly at him. 'Yes, I never thought....WHAT?!' Ash exclained, not sure he'd heard correctly. 'How did you...?!' he stuttered dumbly, lost for words. Prof. Oak chuckled at his suprise. 'Ash, did you realy think no one would notice that you two were falling in love? All the adults in your young life knew what was going on and couldn't be happier for the both of you.

But I know what Gary did to you, and I never approved of his behaviour. But...he always was a stubborn boy. Don't know where he got that from....' Prof. Oak explained as Ash just gaped in disbelief. 'He always wanted to make me proud of him you see. That's why he wanted to go off and become a great trainer. The fool boy, he never would listen when I told him I was already proud of him. He didn't have anything to prove. He was my grandson, I couldn't have been prouder if I'd tried. I'm just sorry he hurt you in the process Ash.' he went on to explain to him.

'Maybe I've been playing the coward by staying away all these years...'Ash thought out loud. 'No!' Prof. Oak said sternly 'Ash, don't make excuses for him. You had every right to protect yourself from his remarks. If anyone is to blame it's himself. He'll have to pay the price, even if his intentions were good.' Prof. Oak said sadly, wishing his grandson had been more gentle with the people in his life.

Ash wiped his eyes on his sleeve, remembering when he'd realized he was in love with Gary. 'He reminded me of a boy I fell in love with a long time ago.'Ash said, recalling how happy he'd been. 'Oh? Anyone I know?' Prof. Oak asked curiously. Ash smiled to himself. 'I told you about him a few years ago but I don't think you believed me. His name was Sammy and the minute I laid eyes on him it felt as if I'd never be the same again.

And I never was the same. I never told him, since he was from the past. I can just imagine him now, he would have become some highly esteemed Prof. of everything pokemon. I doubt he'd even remember me, all he wanted was to go home. Not that I blame him. But I never stopped loving him. That's how I fell in love with Gary. When I first saw him it was the exact same feeling. I know it probably sounds crazy to you, but that's how I felt.

'Actualy Ash, I understand perfectly. I may be getting old but I still remember what it's like to be head over hills in love. Something similar happened to me long ago. I met this boy who had the dream to be a pokemon master and I believed one day he'd achieve that. I fell in love with his passion. How no matter what he did he gave it his all. But sadly, when it came time for us to part I didn't dare reveal my feelings. I knew it wouldn't have done any good. We were from different worlds. If I hadn't gone back I wouldn't be who I am today.' Prof. Oak said, a faraway look in his eyes.

Ash had stopped dead in his tracks, just staring in wonder at him as if it was the first time he'd ever seen him. 'It was you....' he said, sudden realization dawning in his eyes. Prof. Oak took him by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. 'Listen to me Ash, I wont lie to you. But what we shared, even if we never revealed it to each other, must remain a memory. I don't want you to think of me as the Sammy you knew, because I'm not. What matters is that you love Gary, my grandson. I'm an old man Ash, there's nothing I have left to give you.' he said gravely, being harsh on purpose to stop any ideas before they started.

Ash looked away, tears clinging to his lashes and not even caring. 'So you would break my heart too?' he asked quietly, hurt beyond belief by his revelation. 'Please Ash, try to understand. You can't love both of us, it wouldn't be fair. How do you think Gary would feel if he knew you were in love with me?' he asked, desperate to make him understand. Ash could feel the anger and hurt boiling up within him and he knew he had to get away or he'd disgrace himself by doing something foolish. He met Prof. Oaks gaze again through a haze of tears and pain....'Then tell me you don't love me.' he demanded in a whisper.

Samuel was caught off guard but didn't dare waver, he didn't want to hurt him anymore then he'd already done. But it had to be done.....there just couldn't be anything between them, not at this stage in his life. He met Ashes gaze, steeling himself for what he must say and despising himself completely. 'I don't love you, Ash.' he said simply, no inflection of emotion at all in his voice. He almost wept when he saw the light die in his eyes and knew he'd regret it the rest of his life. But he'd done the right thing, hadn't he?

Ash simply turned and started walking away, he didn't know where he was going nor did he care. That had been entirely too much for one sane person to take in. Not only had his present love interest rejected him years earlier but his love from the past, Sammy.....he said he didn't love him. But Ash knew a lie when he smelled it. He wouldn't let him get away with it, but for now he had to get away. Too much pain for one day. He never thought coming home would entail so much drama.

Samuel just stood there, watching the boy he'd once loved walk away, and he was certain out of his personal life, forever. But he'd done the right thing. For Gary, he'd left the path clear for his grandson. Then why did he hate himself right now? He knew it had been a lie when the words passed his lips. But in retrospect, he knew he couldn't have made any other choice. A relationship between them just wasn't an option. He turned to walk away as well, feeling sad and very much older for the experience.

He must have wandered around town for hours because when he stopped he found himself back at the lab. So continuing his aimless course Ash found himself in the middle of the pokemon preserve and there was Traci up ahead. Sketching a chansey that was sleeping beneath a tree. Maybe Traci would understand. So he went to sit beside him, never noticing the suprised look on his face, and just started talking. Telling everything, leaving nothing out. Traci was a bit shocked to say the least. 'Gosh, Ash. That's a realy complicated situation you've got yourself in.' he said, not sure exactly what to say.

'Traci...I'm just so sick of being rejected, hurt, and used by the ones I love. Is it my fault? Is there something wrong with me that they think they can treat me this way?' Ash asked him in despair. Traci thought a moment, choosing his words carefully. 'Well Ash, it's true that we teach people how to treat us. You know what I mean? I mean, if you let someone treat you badly and do nothing about it they're just going to keep on doing it because your letting them.' Traci said, hoping it would help.

Ash gave it some thought and felt the anger rise again. How dare they treat him like he was nothing? Like he didn't deserve their love? Well, there would be no more of that. 'You know Traci, your absolutely right. I deserve to be treated with love and respect. They have no right to keep breaking my heart when all I've ever done is love them. If anything, they don't deserve my love. You'll see Traci, I'll make them regret their actions. One day they'll come to me with tearful apologies, and you know what I'll do to them Traci?' Ash asked a bit manicly. Traci looked at Ash a bit fearful of his state of mind. 'What?' he asked warily. Ash smiled fiendishly....'I'll forgive them.' he said simply.

Traci breathed a sigh of relief. 'Thank goodness, I thought you'd say something crazy.' Ash just laughed. 'Like what? That I'd murder them in their sleep and grind their bodies into hamburger and feed it to the pokemon?' Traci just looked as him wide eyed. Ash sighed to himself. 'It's ok, Traci. I'm not insane. And I will forgive them. I understand their reasons for doing what they did, though it doesn't make it any easier. I know Prof. Oak....Sammy......wants only happiness for Gary and Gary only wants his grandfathers approval. But they've both decided to reject the love I offered them. Yes, I can forgive them. But forget? No.

From this day forward my heart is dead, I'm giving up on love because I can't take the rejection anymore. I'd rather live my life and die alone and old man then open myself to that again. I've dealt with Garys rejection most of my life, but to be rejected by my very first love on the day I find out who he realy is...it's too much. You understand, don't you Traci?' Ash asked, glancing at him. 'Yeah, I can see why you'd want to give up. But Ash, I don't think you have it in you to hurt them like that. To just give up and withold your love from them. You'd be doing just what they've done to you.' Traci reasoned, hoping he could talk him out of it.

Ash felt near tears again. Of course Traci was right. He couldn't hurt them that way, he didn't have the heart to do it. But he still wouldn't allow their poor treatment of him. He'd forgive, but he'd defend himself also. 'Thanks for listening, Traci.' Ash said, rising to leave. Traci just stared after him until he saw him turn down the road to his own house. 'Good luck Ash.' he said half to himself before going back to his drawing, not realizing the chansey was long gone.

{To Be Continued}