Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ Resolutions ❯ Growing Up ( Chapter 3 )

Ash pressed the power button upon the TV remote, casting his room into almost total darkness. Nothing seemed to be able to hold his attention, and his mind was so alert sleep seemed impossible.

He looked down to his little yellow friend, resting comfortably at the foot of his bed, snoring. He didn't like to be alone. He hadn't been alone for a long time, but with Brock still out, Misty in the spare room, and Pikachu sleeping, he had no one to distract his mind from reliving the hardships of the past few months. After the end he had felt a little more able to deal with his experiences, but there were a few things that were beginning to raise their ugly heads once more.

He had the option of seeing a psychiatrist, but what could a shrink do that Misty couldn't? Anytime he felt weak, or had an emotional collapse, she could always help him through it. But, despite this, it all still hurt. The bodies. The deaths. The torture. He knew it always would, but he felt his mind gaining some of the stability it once had.

The only things that fought to prevent that stability were those few questions that seemed to be plaguing him, through both his waking hours and his dreams. Was he responsible for the damage in his hometown? Did Giovanni perhaps target the town, hoping to punish Ash more than he already had? What if he did come back? What if more lives were lost because of his greed for power? Would Ash be responsible for those deaths?

He could have put an end to the man's threat. He almost did. If he had fired that damn gun just a second earlier, or had been able to pull the trigger when he found the man in his office, his worry would all be over. Ash knew his mind wouldn't rest until he was sure Giovanni could hurt no one else, but he couldn't let this eat him up so much. Until that terrible day, he had to put his wonderings to the back of his mind. He couldn't let them rule him, couldn't allow Giovanni that victory.

His bedroom door opened with a slight creak, allowing a flood of light to enter. He looked towards it to see a familiar figure, that of a young woman.

"Ash. Can I sleep in here tonight?" Misty asked, her voice a whisper but slightly quivering with some emotion.

He sat up. "Yeah, of course."

Switching off the hallway light, she walked over to his bed as he watched, enthralled. Her body was mesmerising. He ran his eyes over her silhouette, hoping she wouldn't notice his study, following those long legs to the curve of her hips, waist and bust and to her hidden face. She had changed from the pyjamas she had been wearing that morning into a white sleeveless nightdress that barely hit mid-thigh.

He reddened. Although she now normally covered up a little more than she had during her early teens, she had retained that habit of showing a little more skin than most her age. Despite enjoying this fact, he felt it was becoming too much of a tease, causing images to rise within his mind that he had to admonish himself for. "You look so cute."

"Thanks." She climbed the ladder, crawling onto his bed. She moved to his right side - the opposite side to his wounded leg - and snuggled up to him, resting her head on his chest.

He stroked her red hair, making her coo softly. "What's wrong, baby?"

She didn't say anything for a few minutes, her mind mulling over what to say. "I was just a bit lonely. I'm used to sleeping in the same room as you, and over the last few months in the same bed. I can't get used to sleeping alone. And I didn't exactly have that good a night last night."

His concern immediately piqued. "What do you mean?"

"I had a bad nightmare...Last night and just there now." She hesitated for a moment, closing her eyes momentarily, griping her fingers upon his t-shirt. "Well, more like bad flashbacks...of Nakamora torturing us...of you getting shot and me thinking I was going to lose you."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ash pleaded.

"We were just having such a good time that I didn't want to spoil it. It's been a while since we could just sit back and laugh without being confined within so much stress."

"Well, then, you should have come in last night if you were scared."

She dismissed that thought with a shake of her head. "I was a bit worried about what your mum would say. She doesn't want us sleeping in the same bed in case we get up to anything." She sat up. "Maybe I shouldn't be here. Your mother has given me such hospitality before, I don't want to go against her rules."

Ash held onto Misty's arm to prevent her from leaving. "Don't go. I want you to stay. Last night was really lonely for me too, and I had Pikachu and Brock with me. And…don't worry about my mum. If I tell her the truth, that we aren't...we aren't...you know..." He trailed off, a little coy.

She giggled at his shyness. "...Making love."

He lowered his volume. "If I tell her we aren't…making love, she'll believe me. She knows I can't lie to her."

Misty relaxed in his arms again. "Good, 'cause I'm comfy here. And I feel a lot safer."

"I know what you." They lay in silence for a few more minutes until Ash lent his head a little, trying to catch a better picture of her face with the soft silver moonlight. Her features were still forlorn, and there was a reflection of light just below her eye. He reached down to touch the area, wiping away the moisture he expected to discover there. "I wish the dreams would go away too," he comforted, hitting exactly upon her thoughts.

"They will…at some point."

He leaned down a little further, kissing her tenderly upon both her forehead and her glistening eyes. She felt her heart flutter at his embraces. The simplest of his motions could relax her so easily. She pulled herself upwards a little so that she could reach his lips with her own. In response, he felt himself automatically place his hand on the small of her back, bringing her slightly closer to him.

The creak of the door sounded once more, again illuminating the dark room. "Ah, maybe I should leave you guys alone?" the two heard Brock ask as he casually supported himself upon the door's frame.

The two quickly separated. Ash's blush deepened, but Misty just turned to Brock, smiling. "Don't worry, Brock. We're not up to anything."
"I think I'll sleep in the other room, regardless. I don't think I could stand another night hearing the two of you smooching."

"That isn't all we do, you know," Ash protested.

"Yeah, whatever," he laughed sarcastically.

With a mock-chiding voice, Misty rebutted, "Talking about smooching, it's almost two in the morning and you're just getting back now."

"I'm three years older than you. I'm allowed to stay out late if I wish."

"Well, how was your night with Izzie?" Misty asked with a suggestive tone.

Now it was Brock's turn to blush. "Ah...er...it was nice."

"Nice?"

"Really nice. Er...I'll see you guys in the morning," Brock said as he awkwardly picked up his bag and quickly exited the room.

"Sweet dreams," Misty teased before the door closed.

As Misty lay down again, Ash shook his head. "Leave the poor guy alone."

"I'm sorry. It's fun. Anyway, it's nice to see him happy again. The past few weeks he's kinda been walking around in a daze. I've been really worried about him. I don't think I've every seen him so quiet."

"Don't worry. He'll be fine. He's Brock, after all. And he knows we're here for him."

She moved her ear to the centre of his chest, concentrating upon the rhythmic beating of his heart. They had known each other for so long, and were already months into their relationship, but his touch and embrace still affected her as much as it had the first time she had felt them.

"You know I love you, right?" Ash asked.

"Of course. You've told me so everyday since that first night."

"Just making sure."

She looked into his face with a stirred aspect to her eyes. "You can be so sweet sometimes. I have to keep reminding myself that you were once that little boy who didn't care about romance or love. Although, you do still act like him a lot of the time," she laughed.

"Hey!"

"Don't worry. It's a compliment." She kissed him once more before turning to rest her back against his chest, pulling his arms to embrace her. "We better get some sleep."

"Yeah," he agreed, finally feeling lethargy drift over him.

Brock sat upon the bed in the spare room, pulling at the laces of his trainers before taking them off, throwing them down at the bottom of the bed next to his bag.

His mind felt so...muddled. Everything had been going so well. He'd been having a wonderful day with this amazing woman he'd just meet. It had been the first time in weeks since he'd felt anywhere near some form of complete happiness. His memories of those months had never been so further from his mind.
But then, just as he prepared to kiss her, something he'd been fantasying about every second he'd spent with her, that memory invaded his mind.
Kiyoko.

He wanted to do what she had told him, to move on with his life, find his true soul mate, but now, after feeling those memories flow back so abruptly, he wasn't sure if he was ready to do that yet. Kiyoko had died barely three weeks ago, and the pain he had suffered was still raw.

He lay back upon the bed, staring at the ceiling. "Oh, Kiyoko, what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I move on despite the fact that you told me too? God, we never even kissed, but I still kinda feel like I'm cheating on you somehow.

"What am I going to do? I've never had much luck with women, but now it feels like this perfect girl has just landed in my lap. As far as I know, she could be the soul mate you told me about.

"But…but it would be wrong to just lead her on, and later realise that I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I don't want to hurt her. And she is wonderful. I want to try to see if I could maybe have a future with her.

"Damn it! Why couldn't I have met her a few more months down the line?

"Oh, Kiyoko. What am I going to do?"

After a moment, he let out a despairing laugh. "I'm really screwed up, eh? I'm asking a dead person for love advice. Guess I don't really know who else to go to. Neither Ash nor Misty have had much experience with relationships and they're both trying to sort out things for themselves. And, well, I can't exactly tell Izzie about this. So maybe you're the only one I can confide in. Or rather myself."

He rubbed his hands over his face. "I can see I've got a long road ahead of me." He let out a sigh, no closer to a decision. At least sleep would permit him to forget about this new situation for a few hours at least.

Delia pulled her brush through her reddish-brown hair, fixing it neatly away from her face with the usual clip.

It was already nearing ten o'clock. She would normally be up much earlier but the past two nights had allowed her sleeping pattern to slip to late nights and late mornings.

These days had almost seemed surreal to her with Ash and his friends back. She had always loved having them here. The house had seemed so empty since Ash had left on his journey, but had always come alive when they came to stay. But this time had felt so different, not only due to recent events, but also thanks to the fact that the three were no longer kids. Even after the few months they had been separated, the change within Ash, Misty and Brock was easily noticeable.

She couldn't believe the way both Ash and Misty's relationship had blossomed. She had never expected that side of her son's personality. The way he treated her…devotion wasn't a strong enough word for it. And Misty. Delia couldn't have wished for better first girlfriend for her son. She had always had a soft spot in her heart for the young woman.

She left her bedroom, preparing to make her way down the corridor, when she saw Brock emerge from the spare room, already dressed.

"Morning, Mrs K," he welcomed as he made his way past her and began to descend the stairs.

"Morning, Brock."

"I'll see you later, I have to meet Izzie in a few minutes."

"Did you get some breakfast?"

"No, but I'll get something when I'm out."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye," he waved cheerfully.

Confused as to why he would be in the room meant for Misty, she continued in the opposite direction as he had travelled. He must just have been talking to her or maybe waking her up. He was always looking out for his younger friends.

Knocking lightly upon the door, she called the girl's name, receiving no reply. She turned the handle, looking into the spare room. Misty's belongs were still there, but Brock's rucksack sat next to them.

Shutting the door and opening the one opposite, she examined her son's room.

There she was, curled up in Ash's arms.

She didn't know what to think. They had agreed to her request to sleep in separate rooms, despite Ash's initial protests, but now…

She left the room quickly, already trying to figure out a way to approach this subject with them.

Ash, Misty and Delia sat quietly around the kitchen table.

Misty ate the last spoonful of her cereal, got up and placed her bowl in the sink. "I'm gonna get ready for the day. I'll be back in a few minutes." Before she left, she gave Ash a quick kiss on the lips.

With Misty away, Delia knew this would perhaps be one of the few opportunities she would have alone with Ash. It was awkward enough to bring up such a topic with him. She didn't wish to complicate the situation by having Misty there as well. She had to discuss this with him now. She took a final sip of her tea in preparation. "Ah, Ash. Could we talk for a moment?"

"Yeah, sure, Mum," he spoke cheerfully. "What's wrong?"

"Well, when I came into your room to…" She couldn't tell him that she had been snooping around. "…to wake you up this morning...I noticed that you and Misty were sleeping in the same bed. I don't want to pry into your private life, it's just that if the two of you are..." What was an appropriate word to use without being too candid? "…involved, I'm not really that comfortable with it happening here."

"Eh?" Ash asked, confused as to the line of his mother's questioning.

She didn't enjoy having this kind of conversation with her sixteen-year-old son, and he wasn't making it any easier for her. He could be so dense sometimes.

"Ah, I don't mind it if you are, but I don't really feel comfortable with the two of you...ah...being...intimate...here, in this house."

"What do you mean, Mum?" After a few agonising seconds, Ash finally clued in. His face turned beet red. "Oh. Ah, Mum, we've, eh, never...you know..." He lowered his voice, and looked down at the table, examining the intricate scratches caused by years of use with incredible interest, embarrassed to look up into his mother's eyes. "...been intimate. She, ah, spent the night in my room, 'cause, well, it's just...ever since we got together we've slept in the same bed together. With everything that was happening, being near to each other always helped. You know, for comfort."

"Oh," Delia replied, a little relieved, finally letting out the breath she seemed to have been holding for an eternity.

"And about, ah, 'it,'" he ventured, unsure if he needed to continue. "We're gonna wait for a little while. We're not ready yet."

"Yet?" An element of worry re-emerged within her voice.

Ash let out an embarrassed laugh, still studying the table. "Well, if you want grandkids, we kinda have to."

Delia was taken aback. He sounded so certain. "Are the two of you that serious?"

Ash raised his head for the first time in several minutes and looked straight into his mother's eyes, a newfound confidence reflected within his own. A smile came across his lips. "I know we are."

From the emotion she could detect within his eyes, Delia could tell that he believed every word he spoke. She had never seen him so sure of anything before, nor so passionate. She smiled back at her son. "I knew that you were both in love, but I didn't realise how far it went. I'm glad, Ash. She's a great girl. You know I care a lot about her."

"I really love her, Mum. I think I have for years." Ash's smile momentarily disappeared, an aspect of anxiety clouding his previous joyous expression. "If it wasn't for Misty...I don't know how I would have gotten through the last few months."

She nodded, placing a reassuring hand upon his shoulder. "I can see that. She seems to be the only one who can lift the veil of depression I feel over you sometimes."

Ash didn't bat an eyelid at this. His mother always saw right through him, and he was sure she could tell that he still had many issues to work out within him.
She didn't want to bring up the topic, but she had avoided it for too long already. They couldn't keep glossing over it. The two had always discussed everything with one another. "I…was so worried about you. I didn't want to wake up some mornings because I was afraid of what might have happened over the night. Sometimes when a person gave me a certain look…I was sure they were going to tell me that you were..."

Ash nodded. "I know what you mean. I was so scared that they would target you because I was part of the resistance movement."

"You weren't just part of it, Ash. The rebels that I spent time with thought of you as their leader. I'm so proud of what you did." She reached forward and took his hand. However, he pulled it away.

"I didn't have anything to risk by joining the resistance. Team Rocket would have killed me anyway because I was a Master. It was probably safer for me."
"That doesn't lessen the good you did. You gave the people a hero in a time of despair. You shouldn't deny that."

"It's just that I worry that because…of what I did…" The words refused to come out. He just looked down at the kitchen table again, and began to fumble with his fingers.

He wanted to tell her how frightened he was. That, because of what he did, at some point in the future Giovanni could exact his revenge by hurting someone that he loved. How he wished he had fired that gun a second earlier. But he was petrified of what she would think of him if he told her the full truth.

He sighed in relief when Misty came back into the kitchen, breaking the awkward silence that had previously reigned. Ash quickly stood, grabbing his girlfriend's hand. "Ah, mum. We'll be back in a few hours, okay?"

"O-okay," she answered, a little confused at his suddenness.

Ash hurried out of the back door, pulling Misty along with him, before leaning against the outside wall, letting out a suffocating breath.

Misty raised her hand to tenderly touch his cheek. "Ash, what's wrong?"

"Sorry. It's just…I'm still scared."

"About what?"

"About…about something that happened that last day."

Misty looked down for a moment, and then came up closer to him, resting her forehead against his. "When you nearly shot him?"

Ash fearfully raised his head to look into her eyes. They had never talked about this. He was unsure if she even knew the full truth. However, as he stared into those aqua orbs, he did not see what he expected to there. He thought that she would be ashamed of him, but all that was there was her usual understanding softness.

"I feel terrible about the fact that within me I may have the capability to kill, but at the same time…I can't get to sleep at night thinking that one day he may come back…and that he could kill someone that I love." He paused for a moment, feeling tears sting the back of his eyes. "If he killed my mum, or…god, if he killed you…it would all be my fault, wouldn't it?"

She stroked his cheek with a finger, trying to calm him a little. "Ash, it wouldn't be. If something happens in the future…if he kills someone else…it will solely be his doing, not yours."

"But if I had of killed him-"

She pulled the finger from his cheek to his lips, preventing him from speaking. "It will be none of your doing," she quietly ordered, before continuing. "And…you shouldn't feel ashamed of wanting him dead. He's a mass murderer. He has ruined the lives of so many people and almost destroyed Kanto. There is nothing wrong with wanting him to pay for his crimes."

His shock still evident, he uttered, "I thought you'd look down upon me for feeling that way."

She shook her head. "Of course I wouldn't. I couldn't. Ash, when we ran into Nakamora in the HQ, I couldn't control myself when I first hit him. If you hadn't held me back…I don't know what I would have done to him." Her quivering voice broke into a bitter tone. "He beat and tortured us, almost killed us. We still have the scars he gave to us. At that moment, all I could think of was how much I wanted him to feel that same fear." She hesitated for a moment, forcing herself to be strong. Ash was the one needed who needed support, not her. "When someone puts you through such…such…pain…there is nothing wrong with feeling that way."

Her words seemed to relax him. How did she have such power to do that, to sooth him so easily? Every word she had said, every emotion she had put across made so much sense.

She kissed him lightly upon the lips. "Do you want to talk more? We can go sit down somewhere and speak about anything you want to," she offered.

He took a few deep breaths. "I'm okay now."

She wished to discuss the topic further, to really expand upon some of what they had already, but she wasn't about to force him. He would come to her when he was ready. He always did.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asked, smiling.

Happy to see the melancholy pass from his eyes, she grabbed his hand as they began to walk along the path that lead out of the back garden. "I don't know, but I'm sure we can find something. We finally have a little time alone without Brock or Pikachu about, and I want to enjoy that."