Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ Too Far? ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Ash pulled the sheets from his bed and gathered them up into a bundle. Walking into the kitchen area of his main room, he threw them into the washing machine, shutting the door a little too harshly. As he stood again, he felt his back muscles twitch, sending pain up his spine. Stretching his back straight, he tried to ease the ache, but to no avail. Three nights lying on a sofa hadn't been a good idea, but it was better than sleeping in that room. However, he knew things couldn't continue that way. He couldn't just seal up his room as if it was the scene of some crime, despite how true he felt that was, and never enter it again.

It was now Monday, the first day back at work since that night. All day he had just sat there in his office, trying to concentrate upon the paper work he needed to go through regarding the next Indigo League Championship, but those hours had been a waste of time. The whole weekend had been a waste of time. All he found himself doing was thinking about what he had done, possible ways he could resolve it and reminiscing about the times the two had spent together, unsure if he would be given the chance to make any more. He almost wished that he would never have that chance. It would be a suitable punishment for what he had done. He sat down upon his sofa, sighing heavily as he turned on the television.

Noticing his trainer's despondent mood, one which had seemed to linger for days on end, Pikachu ran over to him, jumping up upon his lap. "Pika pi? (Ash?)"

He greeted him with a forced smile, rubbing him behind his black and yellow ear. "Yeah, Pikachu."

" Pika chu chu ka? (Are you feeling okay?)"

"Yeah, of course."

Pikachu shook his head, tutting. "(Ash, I can tell when you're lying. I don't mean to pry, but…what's going on? You having been acting like yourself lately.)"

Letting the smile drop from his lips, Ash took a deep breath. He should have known it wasn't going to work. Pikachu knew him too well. Of course he would have noticed the change in his aura. He would normally be so hyper, so brash, but he was now heavy-hearted, almost sedated.

He had only felt this form of depression once in his life before. Pikachu had noticed his altered state then too, and that of Misty. He could feel the sadness and fear that had all but consumed his two human companions, and he had shown the same concern then. However, when Ash told him that it was something private between he and Misty, the Pokémon had never uttered another word about the subject, but made sure he was still there to provide any comfort he possibly could. Ash guessed that a friend didn't necessarily need to know what the problem was to help.

He reached down and patted companion's golden head. "I'm…I'm just going through a few problems at the minute. Something happened…something wrong…and I don't know how to resolve it."

"Pi pikachu chu, ka achu pi. (If you need to talk, you know I'm here.)"

"I know, but I'm not sure if I'm ready. I still have a lot of things to sort out in my own mind first."

Knowing of no other way to help his friend, Pikachu climbed up from his lap and rubbed a cherry-red cheek against Ash's, the ultimate sign of affection to his kind. Ash, in return, stroked his starter's ears once again, receiving a contented 'Cha' for his efforts. "Thanks, buddy. But don't worry, I'll figure something out. I'll get through this."

He wasn't entirely sure if that statement was founded in fact or fantasy. It had only been three days since he had seen her last, but her absence from his life had affected him so profoundly, even more so than it had all those years ago when she had left him to return to the gym. But the situation had been different then. He had been confused and scared as to the reason why he missed her so much. Now he knew exactly what that reason was.

Five years ago…

The tender caress of the warm zephyr ruffled his hair and brushed against his face, waking him from the beautiful dream he had been having. She had been the focus of it again. They were travelling together, like before, just heading to the next town, chatting along the way, like they had always done. However, it hadn't been the whole group. It had just been him and Misty. No other soul ever appeared, but he was contented about it being that way. It was nice to just have her to speak to, for them both to be completely alone.

It had only been a few days since he had left his two closest human friends to travel to this new land. He never knew such a short period of time could make him miss someone so much. But why did he miss her more than he did Brock and the Pokémon he had left at Oak's laboratory? Or even his own mother for that matter? Why did she have such an effect upon him? Yes, over the past few years, she had always been by his side and this was the first time they had been separated since the day they had met, but he felt there was more to it than simply missing someone who had been a big part of his life. It almost felt like he was missing a part of himself, like she had taken a fragment of his soul with her. But he couldn't understand it. Why would he feel this way towards one friend, but not so strongly towards another?

Sighing, he tried to forget about his confusion by allowing his eyes to take in the view that surrounded him. He was sitting, his back leaning against a great tree, at the summit of a small hill, looking down towards the valley that spread out beneath him. The lush green grass wavered back and forth in the same subtle wind that had woken him. The breeze had also disturbed the dandelion flowers that had sprouted randomly all around the field, sending a steady stream of their seeds, carried by white puffs, into the air. They stood prominent against the dusk sky. And that sky? It was amazing. He hadn't seen anything that colour since… And then it hit him. The sky was the same colour as her hair, the most glorious shade of reddish-orange he had ever seen. He sat there for a moment, staring upward, awed by his thoughts before he gave up once more upon trying to understand them. It's gonna be a nice day tomorrow, he thought, smiling.

Misty would have loved this spot. She would have called it 'Romantic' and he believed he now understood what she meant. He had never cared about that kind of thing before, had never had the desire to just gaze at what lay before him like she always did, but now it seemed so significant and important. The scene looked like it had gorged upon colour, texture and scents. It was so alive and vital. Nature was truly in her element.

Hearing a soft moan come from beside him, he looked down to see Pikachu stretching, trying to push the lethargy from his little body. Leaning forward from the tree momentarily, Ash patted him upon the head before turning his attention once more to the seed stream and sky. His Pokémon, intrigued by it as well, jumped onto his master's bent knees and regarded the view with a joyful expression.

Out of the corner of his eye Ash saw one of the winged seeds fall into his hands. Lifting them up carefully from his lap, making sure the seed couldn't escape, he slowly opened his hands and watched as the tiny puff danced in the breeze. It looked so insignificant, so fragile, however, its movements gave off an air of grace and happiness that could do nothing but make him smile. He hadn't reached out to capture it. Instead, it had found its way to him, as if it desired to grant him a wish.

So, what do I wish for? World peace? That's a common request that still hasn't been answered. How about something personal then, maybe to one day become a Pokémon Master? No. I want to get there on my own. Dreams are only worthwhile accomplishing if you do them for yourself. Then how about…Misty coming back to me someday? For her to someday travel with me again, and for me to finally understand these strange thoughts I have in my head about her. Yeah, that's it. That's the perfect wish.

He parted his hands, allowing the wind to take hold of the seed once more, pulling it into the path of the others, ascending skyward.

As it vanished from sight, Pikachu turned to his trainer and jumped straight into his arms. Ash returned his hug, laughing. After a few minutes, the two released one another and Ash placed Pikachu into his lap. "What would I do without you, Pikachu? You're the only friend I have still with me. But I know we'll see the others again. I'll make sure of it."

"Pikachu," he agreed with a quick nod of his head.

It seemed that his wish really had come true. Just over a year later she came back to him, ready to rejoin their journey. And from that first day, he was sure of his feelings for her. It took a separation and a lot of growing up, but it was at that point he was sure he was in love with her.

Four years ago…

Ash slowly opened his weak eyes, squinting as the bright morning sun met them. Trying to avoid the brightness, he turned over onto his side, pulling the corner of the sleeping bag over his face. With a comfortable amount of shadow over him, he opened his eyes a little more, revealing a sight even more astonishing that the overhead sun.

There she was, barely two metres from him. The light of his life, one that had been so distant of late, but had returned to cast away those shadows of loneliness. His Pokémon, Brock and May, yes they were all his close friends, but even with them around he often couldn't shake off the veil of isolation that fell over him. There were some things he only felt comfortable talking to her about.

He studied her face, somewhat older than he remembered, but that just seemed to make her lovelier. He watched her mouth as she breathed, opening and closing slowly, her inhales and exhales barely making a sound. Altering his gaze slightly he looked at her covered lids, noticing the bump of her pupils and irises move ever so slightly under the surface.

After a few moments of watching their slow, mesmerising movement he noticed a flux in the motion. It was barely noticeable at first, just a slight increase in pace, but after a few seconds they began to move erratically. Her breathing began to intensify as well, and her previously silent mouth uttered small moans.

Unzipping his sleeping bag as quietly as possible, he moved closer to her, kneeling by her side, attempting to understand her mutterings. He couldn't really make anything out, but as he looked up into her closed eyes once more, he could tell there something wrong. She began to move slightly, almost rocking back and forward upon her side. Her murmurs came out a little louder and a little clearer. It was one word - 'no' - repeated over and over again. She must be having a nightmare, he surmised.

Panicked by her actions, he moved his head down near to hers. "Mist," he spoke gently, laying a tender touch upon her bare shoulder. At the single word and brief contact, her movements seemed to instantly calm, and a smile spread over her soft lips, like a placid ripple over a tranquil pond. Checking to insure he hadn't awoken her, he slowly stood, his eyes still trained upon her for several moments.

Content that her slumber was now peaceful, he glanced around their camp. May and the group's Pokémon were all still sleeping, but Brock's bag was already empty. Probably up and making breakfast already, Ash thought.

After pulling on both his socks and trainers, he slowly made his way from the campsite in a hope of finding his older friend. This was possibly one of the few opportunities he had to do this. He needed to talk to someone about these feelings that he had been experiencing over the past month. Even though Brock' experience with the opposite sex wasn't extensive, it was certainly more so than Ash's.

He found his companion over a cooking pot, as usual, boiling up the group's breakfast. "Hey, Brocko."

"Morning, Ash. Are Misty and May up yet?"

"Nah. They're still sleeping away, getting their beauty sleep no doubts," Ash laughed. He thought it was bad enough travelling with one girl, but two of them… It was fun, though, and they both got along great, sometimes too well, giggling over the typical things teenage girls did, and never sharing either he or Brock in their 'private' conversations. But he didn't mind that really. It must have been hard for each of them travelling with two guys, no one to really share female problems with.

Ash came forward, moving away from the trees, and began to circle the cooking pot, awkwardly whistling, his hands clamped together behind his back.

Brock, bringing his attention away from his chore, looked confusedly towards Ash. "Are you okay, man?"

"Yeah, of course I am," he answered nervously.

Brock shook his head. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No, no," he began, scratching his head. After another circuit however, he gave up the pretence. "Well…yeah."

The older man sighed happily. "It's got to do with Misty coming back, yeah?"

"I…I…" Before continuing, Ash turned at looked back through the trees to the camp. Reassured that she was still asleep, he said, "How did you know?"

"Well, you've been acting a little differently since she returned, just as a person does when they fall in love." Brock turned his attention away from the food once more, winking at his shocked friend.

Again, Ash was lost for words. After a moment, he whispered, "How…?"

"As I said, by the way you have been acting around her. You stare at her when you think no one is looking, you are always overeager to help her…and from the way you were looking at her a moment ago it's pretty obvious that you have fallen in love with her."

"I didn't do anything," he blurted out defensibly before he could realise what he was doing, a feeling of guilt washing over him. For some reason he felt like a kid who had been caught with his fingers in a cookie jar. Beginning to blush, averting his gaze to the leaf-covered floor of the forest, he nervously voiced, "I think she was having a bad dream."

Brock broke into a peal of laughter, just adding to Ash's already ascending discomfort. "Don't worry, I'm not accusing you of doing anything wrong, Ash. It was really sweet." He placed an encouraging hand upon friend's shoulder, causing him to look up from the ground. "So, it's definitely love then?"

He sighed, an uneasy grin upon his face. "I…I think so. But, I'm only fourteen. Am I not too young to fall in love?"

"Ash, when it comes to love, there is no certain age. It depends upon the situation, the individuals involved and a lot of other factors."

"But…how can I be sure? How do I know these feelings are real and that I'm not just getting screwed up?"

"If you truly love her, you will be sure."

Ash just stood there for a moment, altering his vision to the earth once more. He began to redden slightly once more, and wide grin taking over his features. How could he not be sure? She had become everything to him in the matter of a few weeks. The only factor that made him hesitant was his age. "Then…then I know I'm in love with her."

His hand still upon his friend's shoulder, Brock pulled him into a tight hug. "Ash, that's great."

"Yeah, but…that only solves one thing. What do I do about it?" He let out a nervous laugh. "Walk up to her and say, 'Morning, Mist. Oh, and by the way I'm in love with you?'"

Brock joined in his friend's insecure hilarity. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Definitely not." His smile faded. "I really don't know what to do. I mean, we're really close. Over the time we were apart we constantly emailed each other and often talked on the phone, but…I don't think she feels anything for me."

"Why not?"

"Come on, Brock. She goes for all these older, taller, smart guys who understand what romance is. I'm over a year younger than her. We're there same height, and I'm not exactly the most intelligent person. She could never love me like I love her."

Brock felt Ash's shoulders slump under his arm. "Hey, man-" But before he could say anything more, the two turned, hearing a yawn from behind them.

"Morning, guys," Misty uttered while still yawning, moving towards them.

"Morning, Mist," Ash greeted uneasily.

"Morning," Brock echoed. "Is May awake yet?"

"Yeah, she's getting up now," she told him before taking a seat at the park table.

Ash sat down beside her, looking into her face. She seemed a little paler than usual and just stared ahead blankly, with little emotion displayed upon her features. "You okay?" he asked.

"I…just had a bit of a nightmare. It…kinda unsettled me." She took a deep breath and offered him another one of her award-winning smiles. "I'm fine now, though. I had a nice dream afterwards."

He hadn't realised it then, but that nightmare had been the beginning of Misty's emotional turmoil. For months those dreams were few and far between, and the only effect they wrought over her were a couple of sleepless nights, but almost a year later, after their two friends had left their journey, the light in his life was almost extinguished.

He still had no idea why it had reached a pinnacle so rapidly. He guessed that she had pushed down those emotions for so long (her normal reaction. If she could she would always swallow them away so as not to seem weak.) that they had become so powerful that they easily overwhelmed her normally zealous personality.

But if he had just had been able to notice what was happening earlier, before it had almost become fatal…If he had just been able to see past her lies every time she had given him an some phoney excuse…maybe she…maybe they wouldn't have had to endure such devastating events.

Three years ago…

Pulling open his exhausted, raw eyes, he tried to examine the scene around him. Everything was in deep shadows, the only illumination coming from the moon, cast over both him and the sleeping figure within his arms.

He gazed down upon her, feeling his emotions rise within at the mere sight of her limp body. How could she have done this to herself? She looked so helpless, fragile, like a piece of twig about to snap under overwhelming pressure. She was curled up upon his lap, her head resting just under his chin. Her long fingers were entwined into the fabric of his black t-shirt, her nails digging almost painfully into his shoulder and chest. It was if she was clinging onto him for dear life. But, then again, wasn't that the truth? If he hadn't happened upon the truth, he may never have understood what was happening to her...or been able to prevent it from going further.

How could he have been so blind? How did he not see this? It was right in front of him, obvious, screaming for his attention. Her face displayed it every time he beheld it, emphasised by her dim eyes and dull hair. Even her choice in clothes represented her mental state, all loose-fitted, covering every possible inch of her body they could, a stark contrast to what she normally wore.

She didn't have to go this far. He could've stopped it. He should have stopped it! He had known that there was something different about her countenance for weeks, but he hadn't seen how deep it ran and had been too frightened to bring up any of his suspicions, terrified that she would reject his help, and possibly fall even deeper into her downward spiral. Every time he tried to say something, he felt his throat close over and his courage recede. Tonight had been the first time his courage won through. She had rejected his aid initially, but later crumbled.

He ran a delicate finger over her once full lips, cracked and bitten, the lines that ran over them so prominent. Her anaemia had bleached them so harshly they were almost indiscernible from her pasty skin. But despite it, she still intoxicated him. This whole experience just made him fall even more deeply in love with her. He was the one she had confided in. He was the one whom she pleaded to help her. And it was his lap she now rested in. He would be the only one to ever know who she truly was, how far down the road of despair she had travelled.

He took her hand from his arm, her fingers still stiffly clawed. He tenderly spread them out, looking over the hand. Her veins stood out upon the thin white membrane covering them, running up from her wrist to her nails, her blue nail polish chipped to the point a few of her nails were vacant of it's colour. He gripped the hand within his own, bringing it up to his face to rub against his cheek. It felt so dry and cold, but that wouldn't make him let go. She wouldn't have to clutch on anymore. She was too weak from her struggles, and her strength was all but gone. But he was strong, solid. He wouldn't let her fall. He would hold onto her, forever if need be, and carry her through anything he could.

He brought his blurred gaze upwards, taking it off her and to the night sky outside the window. The night was glorious, the stars glistening with a rare passion against the obsidian backdrop. He found his eyes settling upon one, shining brighter than all those that encircled it. A diamond in the rough, just like she was.

And upon that celestial body he made another wish.

Again, it had come true. She had beaten those demons that had sought and feed upon her precious soul, and came out on the side even stronger than before. But what if he had just given her over to those dark thoughts once more?

Pulling on his jacket, almost forgetting to grab his keys, he and Pikachu headed out from the quite apartment into the seemingly quieter streets. He hadn't bothered with any shopping over the weekend, and now, with supplies beginning to seriously deplete, they couldn't wait, no matter how he was feeling. At less some things in life are constant, he laughed without humour.

Pacing down the street, feeling the water from the puddles seep into the bottom of his jeans, he kept going back to that night in his mind. If he just hadn't given her that second kiss, or the first one for that matter, she would probably be with him now, helping him with his least favourite chore, trying to keep him from buying all manner of junk food and microwaveable meals. Even in the smallest elements of his life, her absence was horridly apparent.

He regarded his surroundings. No one else walked the wet streets and the gloom of the overcast sky blocked out the sun's already weak rays. Everything seemed so vacant, lifeless…lonely.

Hopeless.

There was nothing he could wish upon this time. It wasn't the right season for dandelions, and it was too early in the day for the stars to shine. However, he doubted that even when dusk came he would have a single precious star. With the intensity of the city lights, they always seemed to be obscured.

The stars are always clear in Pallet, a little voice within told him. He had never really cared for the city. He was a country boy, more comfortable in a small community where everyone knew each other. Cerulean had always seemed heartless to him, so desolate despite the millions upon millions of souls that resided within it's boundaries. He had only come to this city to be near to his friend while she was at the university. If she never desired to see him again, he had no place here, no reason to stay.

Ash paced through the supermarket, absentmindedly grabbing objects from the shelves. He couldn't concentrate upon anything. Everything just seemed to be so insignificant. I need to talk to her. I have to tell her how sorry I am for this. God, I should have gone after her that night. I should have made her talk to me. Why didn't I? His inner monologue was suddenly broken by a slight electric shock, hitting his fingers. "Pikachu, why did you do that?" he shouted, shaking his hand, trying to discharge the tingling sensation.

"Pika Pika," the Pokémon cried, pointing towards the box of food in Ash's hand. He had grabbed the wrong brand of pokéfood.

"Sorry, buddy."

"Pikachu."

Grabbing the right packet and placing it into the trolley, he allowed his thoughts to centre upon her once more. He couldn't just try to avoid her, couldn't allow this to be the end of their eight year friendship. He needed her in his life. She was more important than anything.

But would she talk to him?

He had to at least try. Taking his mobile phone from his pocket, he scrolled down through the names until her found hers. Placing his thumb over the smooth, oval button, he tried to press the button, but his digit wouldn't move, fear again overcoming his momentary bravery. What if she hung up on him, refused to talk to him like she had before? What if he had thrown her into another depression?

"Hey, Ash," a familiar female voice greeted. "Getting your weekly shopping?"

Pocketing his mobile, he turned to Daisy, displaying a false smile. "Oh, yeah. Just need a few things."

Daisy looked up at her sister's friend. He looked as forlorn as Misty, his gaze unfocused, his smile containing no passion. How could the two of them be so torn up about this, but seemingly unwilling to attempt a resolution? After a few minutes of awkward silence, she said, "Don't worry. Misty told me about what happened between you guys."

Feeling his heart miss a beat, he uttered in disbelief, "She did?!"

"Yeah. She's taking it pretty hard."

"Oh," he barely whispered, shock settling in.

"But I don't understand what is so bad about it. It was just a fight. It isn't like you guys haven't had an argument before."

"An argument?" Ash sighed, feeling the momentary weight lift from his shoulders. She hadn't told her sister the truth. "Oh, yeah, an argument."

"Why don't you just, like, call her and say sorry?"

He shook his head. "It's not really that simple." He paused momentarily, realising that, until he was strong enough to talk to Misty, this meeting could be his only link to her. "How is she, anyway? I mean, how is she acting? Is she eating and everything?"

Confused, she answered, "Yeah, of course. Though she rarely comes out of her room. And she didn't go into university today. You know the way she is. She hates to miss a day. I've had to order her to stay at home before when she's been really sick," she added with an anxious laugh before her somewhat cheerful expression was clouded by concern. "But, there was one thing that I was really confused about. I found a packet of antidepressants in her bin, prescribed to her a few years ago. I didn't even know she had been on them. One of the blisters had been popped, but the tablet was still in it. Did you know anything about this?"

"Eh? No, I didn't." He hated to lie, but he had to keep the promise he made to Misty, that everything of concern to that incident, to her breakdown, would remain a secret between them for all eternity.


"Strange. I mean, I can understand her not telling me, Lily or Violet. We've never exactly been close. But I thought that if something had happened that she had to go on antidepressants for, she would have at least told you."

He thought back for a moment. "You mean she didn't actually take any of them?"

"Not from the look of it. At least not in that packet. I don't know if she had anymore."

He smiled. Again she had refused to take them. How could he think there was a possibility she had fallen back into her old state? She was tough, resilient. She could get through this. She had been through worse. For the first time in days, he felt some joy emerge within him. "Well, then that's a good sign."

"Yeah. She is really strong, isn't she?"

"She definitely is."

"Just please tell her you're sorry or something, even if the fight wasn't your fault. I really hate to see her down like this."

"I will try."

"Thanks, Ash."

As she walked away, he turned his attention back to the task at hand, his mind a little more at ease. She'll get through this. I know she will.

"Pika chu pika ka chu pi? (So, that's why you've been so down the past few days?)"

Ash nodded.

"Pi. (Oh.)" Glancing up towards his trainer, he gave him a sympathetic look. "Chu pika pi cha? (Are you going to call her?)" he asked hopefully.

"I…I am. But, when the time is right."

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