Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ MST: The Story of Nate the Charizard ❯ Chapter 1
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Kaori_is_Fading 
good god help me
Non Anime: Pokemon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Hentai / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.15.2009 | Updated On: 06.15.2009 | Pages: 7 | Words: 9.5K | Visits: 2.4K | Status: Completed
good god help me
Non Anime: Pokemon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Hentai / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.15.2009 | Updated On: 06.15.2009 | Pages: 7 | Words: 9.5K | Visits: 2.4K | Status: Completed
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A/N: This is an MST of a fanfic by "charizardcowman," done without permission. As such this fanfic is not mine, and is simply having fun poked at it in a creative form of criticism. Nintendo and Gamefreak own all pokemon, though I suppose the convoluted characters contained within are propery of charizardcowman
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Story of Nate the Charizard
Chiyo: Hooray! Pokemon! Hooray!
Haruko: Chiyo, I... Don't think this is going to be fun in games in pokeland.
Excel: Oh, come on. How can someone make Pokemon anything other that pure, happy fun?
Kite: ...Poor, naive children.
Haruko: They'll learn.
Contains: Soft Vore, Hard Vore,
Kite: Make up your mind!
Excel: What's vore?
Haruko *Lights cigarette* ...Buckle up, kiddo.
Prey and Pred respectively,
Kite: So Soft vore is the prey, and Hard vore is the pred?
Excel: What does that mean? This isn't making any sense!
and Sexual Content between Male Charmeleon and Female Human
Excel: OH GODDAMNIT!
Chiyo: B...But...But!
Haruko: It's okay.. Don't worry. We'll survive this.
Kite: We will preserve!
What’s up? I’m Nate the Charizard.
Excel: Hi, Nate!
Now, I know what you are thinking, and I know that is really surprising to find out that I can speak and understand human language perfectly.
Chiyo: Did a Charizard really write this?
Kite: Yeah. I saw his picture on the back of the book.
I can even write. I hope that this account of myself will clear up all of the confusion.
Haruko:(Slash) It seems excessive... uhhh.. But that doesn't mean.. uhhh... it didn't happen.
As I said, I am a Charizard now,
Excel: But I was a woman before. A man.. Trapped in a woman's body...
but I was hatched by my parents on the island of Cinnabar, in a cave inside of the volcano there. I am a shiny pokemon, meaning that I was born with golden-orange skin and a brighter yellow belly than regular Charmander, who have orange skin and a cream colored belly.
Haruko: Well, geeze, aren't you proud? What, you think you're better than the non-shinies?
Kite: Let's call the National Association for the Advancement of Non-Shinies. This can't stand as is.
My parents were both non-shiny Charizards, and told me that I was a very special Charmander because of my color.
Chiyo: No, seriously, I think you guys might be right! This is just wrong.
Kite: *Dialing on the phone. He waits a moment and answers* Hello, NAANS?
They said that if any trainer found me outside of the volcano, they would probably catch me on the spot.
Excel:(Nate) And then they'd take me home and do horrible things to me involving cucumbers and rope, and...
Kite: Yes... Mhm.. yes, "Nate the Charizard.." What? Oh, come on, you've got to be kidding me. Westborough Shiny Church? Figures.. Sorry... Mmhm.. yes, it's fine.. *Hangs up the phone* Stupid first amendment.
They would always make up excuses to keep me inside.
Chiyo:(Nate's mom) Honey, you can't go outside until you finish cleaning the bottom of lava pit, your aunt and uncle are coming over and you know how they are!
When I hit level 10, they let me leave more often.
Excel: So pokemon don't age, they level?
Haruko: Well, you have to commend them for trying to stick to canon.
Since I was born on an island, most of the pokemon I knew were water-types, opposed to the fire-type me. The only other fire pokemon on the island were the volcano residents.
Excel: See you guys? It isn't Nate's fault. He, too, was a victim of poke-racism! There's always another side to the story.
Kite: Yeah, now I feel kind of bad.
There were also poison-type pokemon on the island, in an abandoned lab of some sort.
All: Uh-ooooooh! Hijinks ahoy!
My best friends were: a Vulpix, who always bragged about her parents being able to curse people, (we all ignored her after some time, it got so old.)
Chiyo:(Vulpix) Guys...? Guys...? Come on, guys! Seriously, I'll curse you!... Guys?
A Growlithe, whose father would give us rides around the island in five seconds flat,
Kite: (Kid's voice) Sometimes Mister Growlithe came home early. We all liked him! We called him "Mister Growl!" And sometimes, he would take one special boy ou-
Haruko: That's enough.
Excel: Small island, huh?
Chiyo: You have to be fast, getting through those water-type neighborhoods. You never know who's a friend and who's a Growlithe-jacker.
and a Koffing, who would explode without warning,
All:(Containing laughter barely)
Haruko:(Koffing) Hey guys, what's going o-KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
All: (Burst out laughing)
never allowing us to get away from him, and always causing my parents to make me soak in the lava until the stench was gone.
Excel: Well, I think it would be much more effective to soak the koffing in the lava...
Kite:(Billy Mayes voice) Having problems with poison gas?! I'm Billy Mayes, here for the Koffing-B-Gone Lava Pit!
Along with great friends, unfortunately, there must also be rivals. I only had one rival, but he was more than enough. He was a regular Squirtle, not shiny like me, but was a genius.
Haruko: That's a fancy way of saying he got picked on by a nerd.
He was always sitting in the shallow area of the ocean, near the shore, or in the lab collecting stray pieces of equipment to create mechanical wonders. One thing he created was something called a “Pokemon Analysis Machine.”
Kite: And so, the first step down the road of curing PokeAIDs was made.
Until he created this machine, we were friends and neighbors. The machine changed all that. As soon as he had created the machine, He had me step into it, just to test it out.
Excel:(Nate) And that was how I took my true form as a man.
Since we were friends back then, He would always trust me to try out his experiments. When I stepped in, it said in a booming voice; Species: Charmander; Level: 15; Experience to next level: 350; Type: Fire; Moveset: Scratch, Growl, Ember, and Metal Claw; Strong against: Grass, Bug, Steel, and Ice Pokemon; Weak against: Fire, Rock, Dragon and Water Pokemon.
Chiyo:(robot voice) DISPOSITION: SILLY
When Squirtle heard that I was weak against him, he got a gleam in his eye that I had never seen before.
Haruko: Uh-oh...
He violently Tackled me, knocking me off the machine, something very unlike him,
Kite:(Nate) Typically he only physically abused me after I stepped out of the machine.
and said, “Maybe I should try it out myself, just to make sure.”
Chiyo:(Turns green)
Excel:(Suddenly trembling) Please, no...
Haruko: Brace for impact! Possible Lemon incoming!
Kite:(Skeptical) Nah...
The machine started up again, and again announced the information on the pokemon in it; Species: Squirtle; Level: 15; Experience to next level: 113; Type: Water; Moveset: Tackle, Bubble, Withdraw, and Water Gun; Strong against: Fire, Ground and Rock Pokemon; Weak against Water, Grass, and Dragon Pokemon.
Excel/Chiyo:*Relieved sigh*
Haruko: That was a close one.
Kite: Thanks for the strategy guide, Nate, but Squirtle is not weak against water pokemon.
As soon as the machine finished its analysis of Squirtle, he immediately jumped off, and yelled at the top of his voice at me, “I am your superior, and you can’t do anything about it! I challenge you to a battle, so that I can demonstrate my superiority and evolve into Wartortle!”
Kite:(Simpsons comic book guy) *Snort* My level 40 dwarf will test his mettle against you in the field of combat! Ready yourself, cur!
He then immediately shot a Water Gun in my direction,
Excel: GET DOWN! HE's GOT A ...water....GUN!
Chiyo: Squirtle is a growlithe-jacker.
but I was ready. I jumped to the left, and used my speed technique that Growlithe’s father, Arcanine, had secretly taught me during my training with him, under my parents wishes to become strong enough to fend off any trainer.
Haruko: (Nate's dad) Yes, I may be a massive firebreathing dragon death machine, but I can't fight. Big dog man, you're up!
My training paid off, and I hit Squirtle right in his weak part of his shell.
Chiyo: It was marked with a big glowing red gem so he knew what to do
Kite: Jump on the Squirtle's back!
He immediately fell backward, fainted and sprawled out on the sand. I then started to glow, and shouted at the top of my lungs,
Haruko:(Nate)...And that's how I became a super saiyan.
Chiyo: His power is maximum!
“ Mom, Dad, I am evolving into Charmeleon!”
Excel:(Nate's father) NOT IN MY HOUSE, YOU'RE NOT!
They both rushed out just in time to see me sprout my head horn, which swooped backward, my jaws grow sleeker and more powerful, and me gain a foot and seven inches of height, as well as gain 23 lbs. I also grew in meat teeth, which would allow me to catch and eat prey other than Raticate to eat.
Kite:(Nate)....And that's how I became the devil.
Baby and Young Charmander eat Raticate after their parents slice them up with their claws.
Excel: Sheesh, that's pretty grim. Do you need to go into the details of how they eat cute, cuddly pokemon.
Haruko:*Worriedly looks at Kite*
Kite: ...I have a bad feeling about this.
Chiyo: Huh?
When Charmander get older, before evolving, they start to eat their Raticate prey whole, which slide down their throat, complete with bulging neck muscles and stomach stretching.
Chiyo: Ew!
Excel: Yuck! What the heck?!
Some humans and even other pokemon, including myself, love to see and wish to eat or be eaten.
Chiyo: Why would you want to be eaten?!
Excel: Seriously.
Kite: Ilpalazzo, do you see what you're doing to the minds of these poor innocents?!
Haruko: I think he does. And I think he has his hands down his pants.
I didn’t know what the term for this was until I met my trainer, who told me what it was, as she was like this also
Haruko: Kids, let me spoil this for you. This fanfic is likely going to be about him having sex with this girl, and then eating her in a sexually-themed manner
Excel:...........
Chiyo:...........
. I also dreamed of intercourse with a animals other than pokemon.
Chiyo: LET ME OUT! I'LL TAKE THE POISON GAS! ANYTHING! JUST LET ME OUT!!!!
Excel: *Is curled into a ball, sobbing*
But I will get to that in time.
Excel and Chiyo: NO THANK YOU!!! *Sob*
Haruko: Calm down.. Look. It's okay. We sat through Casey Ray having sex with renamon, we can sit through this...This... Thing.
The celebration was short lived, though, as Squirtle recovered, stood back up, and blasted me full force with a Water Gun right under my head horn, which was my newly developed weak area.
Kite: I almost forgot about the fighting pokemon after that sex and eating tangent.
My vision immediately started going dark, and just before I blacked out, I saw Squirtle finish its evolution into Wartortle.
Haruko:(Wartortle) Not so special now, are you? Huh? HUH?
Excel:(Recuperated) I'm shiny, and you're not! You're not! You're not!
When I came to, I wasn’t laying on the beach. I was encased in a capsule, and I was surrounded by windows on every side.
Chiyo: They encased him in frozen carbonite and took him to Jabba's palace!
Kite: Uh-oh.
I immediately began to panic, but then realized immediately where I was and froze, not wanting to move a muscle. I realized that the capsule was what my parents had warned me about my whole life… I was in a trainer’s pokeball! I started ramming the sides of the ball, and to my surprise, was transported out onto my childhood beach.
Haruko: Sheesh, some pokemon trainer. Catching unconscious pokemon?
I yelled out, “Great, I am still home on Cinnabar! And I escaped the trainer that caught me!” I started to run toward the volcano, but was stopped by some sort of force. I heard a female voice behind me, which caused me to immediately spin around and listen. I understood the following three words:
Haruko:(Nate) You. Are. Screwed.
Mine, Powerful, Nate. I demanded of the human, “Why can’t I get away from you? Why can’t I go home?” Instead of answering, the girl showed me a book.
Chiyo:(Nate)...See Spot Run? How does this answer my question?!
I had been into the old lab before to run errands for my now rival Wartortle, so I could read and correctly interpret most human speech that was written down.
Kite: Ah, he accessed the "plot device library," as I believe it's called.
Excel: Yes, the lab was investigating the potential uses of deus ex machina.
I looked at it, and read what the words said:
Haruko:(Nate) "If you can.. Read this.. You're too close".... Hey!
You are mine, you powerful and shiny Charmeleon. Your new name is Nate.
Excel: What?! I thought his name was already Nate!
Chiyo: I guess before now, it was just "Charmander"
Haruko: You mean "Charmeleon"
Excel: But that doesn't make any sense! What if there's more than one charmeleon?! That's like calling a dog, "dog."
Kite: Stop making sense and watch the damned story.
I was immediately taken back by this. Why had this human captured me? Why did Wartortle turn against me? Why was I still home, but still unable to see my family?
Kite:(Singing) Tell me whyyyy... Why must I crrrrryyy..?
I turned to the human, and asked, “ Why did you capture me? Why am I home, but can’t leave to see my family?” My trainer, who’s name was Ciara, instead of the book, slowly told me the answers, so that I could understand her words. It surprised me to know she knew what I was saying.
Chiyo: She visited the library too.
She said this, “ I took one look at you unconscious on the beach, and I knew that me finding you was no coincidence. I live on this island, and will allow you to see your family.
Haruko:(Ciara) As long as you pay yearly tribute to the volcano god for my tribe.
And, while I train you to fight, I will also teach you to speak and write, as well as understand human speech.”
Chiyo:(Nate) But.. I already can underst-
Excel(Ciara) yeah, right. You're making this all up as you go along
.
Ciara only had me as a pokemon, but she was diligent and taught me to speak the human language, and to write it.
Haruko: WOAH I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING, THEY'RE PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS
Kite: If she gets caught by the plantation owner, she's in big trouble.
I even learned how to draw and do art as a human does. I was also allowed to see my parents, who were sad that I was now a “slave” as they put it, to the girl.
Haruko:(Nate's father) You brought this on yourself, becoming a charmeleon like that.
Excel:(Nate's mother) HONEY!!
In spite of this, they would help me train, and would even have Arcanine come to teach me. I was bided by Ciara to hunt for my food, which I had done practically done this my whole life.
Chiyo: ....So in other words, no real change then. You're doing everything you used to. How awful.
I was happy to oblige, and noticed that she would always watch me as I chewed and swallowed my prey of fish from the sea and Raticate from the lab.
Chiyo: SO IN OTHER WORDS,
Haruko: Chiyo, settle down.
I also realized that she liked to watch me especially close when I swallowed my prey whole, and she seemed to be fascinated with my neck bulging and my stomach stretching as the prey resisted.
Excel:....
Kite: Are you all right, Ex-chan? You don't look so good.
One day, I asked her why she watched me eat and seemed to be fascinated when I swallowed my pray whole, which caused her to turn a little red.
Kite: It was then I discovered that she was a robot.
Haruko:(Robot voice) INTERNAL HEATING ENGAGED. INITIATE ASSAULT MODE
She told my this in reply, “ I am someone that has a fascination with vorarephilia. In other words, I enjoy watching other animals, people included, eat other animals, and dream of being eaten. I also dream of having intercourse with a pokemon.”
Kite: There you go, you two. The definition of-
Excel: *Vomits*
Chiyo: Oh no, Miss Excel! Someone call a doctor!
Haruko: Ilplazzo, seriously! Let her out!
Kite: Shut up! I'm trying to explain how I know a lot about sexual depravity!
-----The story pauses. When we regain view of the foursome again, they are still in the theater, except for Excel.
Kite: Excel sure is lucky... Just because she has a weak stomach for freaky sex.
[Ilplazzo's loudspeaker comes down beside Chiyo's ear. She dives for cover]
Ilplazzo: YOUR STORY WILL NOW RESUME! ENJOY, MY BELOVED FOOLS!
----
By this time, I was a level 35, and knew the moves: Flamethower naturally, and Dragon Claw, Iron Tail, and Arial Ace from TM’s my trainer had given me.
Chiyo: Hey, she's a good trainer. She didn't opt for Flame Blast.
Even though I was still a Charmeleon, I was the still the only pokemon my trainer had, and I decided to confess to my trainer my secrets as she had done to me. I walked over, gave her a lick,
Haruko:(Nate) Hey baby, one way date. You and my BELLEH.
(kissing for me,) and told her, “ I have something to tell you.
Kite:(Nate) I am from space, I have three penises, and my left hand is made of cheese.
I have the same fascination, only I dream of eating a human. I know it is crazy, and so is the fact I also want to have intercourse outside of my species.”
Haruko:How conveeEEEEEniant.
My trainer took both of my paws, look my right in the eyes,
Chiyo:(Nate) ...Put me in handcuffs and sent me to prison.
and said this simple thing, “ I know that intercourse with your pokemon is normally a violation of respect, but I want to have it with you.”
Excel: That's a violation of a LOT more than respect, lady.
Sure she could see my penis erection
Kite: (schwarzanegger voice) Behold, my peenus erection!
Haruko: Hold it. Sex scene initiating....
Kite: That's it, Ilplazzo. Who's staying?
[Ilplazzo's loudspeaker descends]
Ilplazzo: TODAY'S LUCKY TEST SUBJECT WILL BE MISS HARUHARA HARUKO.
Haruko: ...Lovely. At least it won't be the kids.
[All but Haruko exit the theater]
Ilplazzo: LOVELY MISS HARUKO... DO YOU TRUELY THINK YOU CAN BEAR THIS? WOULD YOU NOT RATHER BE BEAMED TO MY UNDERGROUND HEADQUARTERS?
Haruko: Handsome... I can take this. I can take a god. I can take Anything. *Haruko puts her cigarette out on the floor.*
Ilplazzo: VERY WELL... YOUR FATE IS SEALED, MY DEAR.
and my face getting at least a shade redder, I told her I wanted the same, and She gave me a kiss.
Haruko: Woo.. Take it off. Yay...
She then asked me to do her another favor. I told her, “anything, I would lay down my life for you.”
Haruko:(Ciala) Rub a light bulb all over me while I face the wall. it's my fetish, ok? Deal with it.
She then asked me, when I evolved into Charizard, if I would eat her. I was drawn aback by this request, and was about to respond, but she pressed her finger up to my lips,
haruko:(Nate) Or, to the leather muzzle on them, anyway.
and said this simple thing,
Haruko:(Ciala) POOP.
“I’ve wanted this ever since I met you, but never got up the courage until you confessed to me. I know I will die, but I want this, and now that I know you want it, I would have no regrets.
Haruko:(Ciala) HARA-KIRI
I only ask that when you eat me, that you would take and always wear the necklace my father, who I named you after, gave me before he died.
Haruko; Because your father would certainly be happy that you were having sex with a dragon. And that one killed you. And a giant charizard could totally wear a human-sized necklace, right?
I told her when I evolved, I would do it for her for teaching and training me all this time.
Haruko:(Nate) Ok, ok, I'll kill you, geeze!
She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then opened the door to her room, where I had been before, but never for this. She undressed, got into her bed, and motioned me to come into bed with her. I placed both paws on the bed, climbed carefully as not to burn the bed, and sat at the edge with my tail hanging off. She asked if I wanted to be on the top or bottom. I said, “I had better be on top, so the bed doesn’t burn to ashes.”
Haruko: He's a love machine that works within the acceptable boundaries of local fire codes.
I climbed onto her, and started doing what humans refer to as mounting. The more we went, the harder she started breathing and the more I growled from content.
Haruko: MMH THESE ARE SOME GOOD CONTENTS
I kept going until I felt her orgasm, and then rolled off onto the floor, scorching the bed where my tail had touched.
Haruko:(Nate) That started the sprinkler system and, well, the date just went downhill from there.
I was to calm and content to speak or moved, so I just breathed deeply in and out for several minutes. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Ciara said, “ That was the best sex I’ve ever had. I can’t believe how much better that was then I imagined it.”
Haruko:(Ciara) I mean, I've never had sex before! But, I mean, I bet it was good as far as sex goes, you know?!
“I know,” I agreed, “I didn’t expect it to be that great either.”
Haruko:(Nate) After all, you're pretty hideous.
my trainer and I, after resting the rest of the day, trained for a week and a half on end with random trainers that made their way to the island,
Haruko: Ugh, I can actually sympathize with him for once. Hundreds of people running on shore towards him and shouting "I like shorts, they're comfortable and easy to wear."
and was only 1,950 experience away from evolving, and only 1,950 experience away from my trainer leaving me forever.
Haruko: Work harder. PLEASE, work harder....
Then, the day finally came. My trainer took me to Cinnabar Gym, and led me into battle against the Gym Leader Blaine. I took out his Growlithe, who had been my childhood friend from back in the volcano,
Haruko:(Dramatic) NOOOOOOO
and his Ponyta,
Haruko:(More dramatic) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
which he had gotten off on One Island,
Haruko: I'd say that Blaine getting a Ponyta off was disgusting, but I've actually seen worse so far.
[Chiyo and Kite return]
Kite: Hey, Haruko.
Chiyo: Miss Haruko! Are you okay?
Haruko: Yeah. That was actually pretty pitiful.. Wait, he sent you back already..? I don't think the sex and eating is over yet.
[Chiyo and Kite scowl]
Haruko: Selfish! Both of you! Get over it and accept your fate.
a place I had never been before. Finally, I was only 50 experience away from evolving, when Blaine whipped out his final Pokemon’s pokeball. He sent it out, and surprise, surprise, it was Growlithe’s father Arcanine!
All: THE STUDENT SHALL SURPASS THE MASTER
He stood like the legendary pokemon Entei, who I had seen in Ciara’s picture books.
Kite: I hate how he interjects little factoids that have nothing to do with the story.
He then looked me right in the eyes and said, “So, it has come to the day when the shiny Charmeleon friend of my son fights me head on,
Chiyo:(Arcanine) IT IS AS FORETOLD IN THE PROPHECY!
without me holding back. Let’s see if serving a master has made you gone soft.”
Haruko: But doesn't he serve one too? He's Blaine's pokemon, right?
Kite: It's a part-time job.
Enraged, I attacked with Dragon Claw in a blind rage,
Kite: SO MUCH RAAAAGE!
Chiyo: I'd be angry too if he... Wait, what did Arcanine do again?
having been insulted by Arcanine having called me weak for being with a human.
Chiyo: Oh.
Haruko: I think the author may have gone blind with rage too. Or stupidity.
My blind shot missed,
Haruko: Aim next time, trust me. It works a whole lot better.
and I flinched immediately from a sharp pain in my shoulder, and realized the Arcanine was sinking his teeth into my left shoulder! I roared in pain, then brought my right claw into direct contact with Arcanine’s head.
Kite:(Nate, girly voice) Hi-ya! Take that, dummy head!
He recoiled then hit me with a full-fledged Fire Blast. I immediately felt woozy, and started to fall forward.
Chiyo: Don't worry, he only has five PP!
Just when I thought I was going to lose it for my master, my friend, I heard her say, in a soft, quite voice,
Haruko:(Ciara) Get up, you lazy bum!
“Please, don’t let me down.” Those words enough allowed me to get back up.
Kite: Ah, the classic cure to all anime and video game ailments and conflicts: reassurance from friends.
Haruko: Yeah, friends you plan on murdering.
Arcanine was immediately called to attack me with a faster than lightning Extremespeed.
Chiyo: A supermegaextremespeed
Kite:SupermegaHYPERextremespeed
Haruko:Superm egaHYPERDOUBLEextremespeed THIRD STRIKE
I knew that if he hit me, it would all be over for me. I gathered the last of my strength, and jumped in the air. Arcanine couldn’t stop like he wanted, and skidded to a stop just in front of where I had jumped.
Haruko: Guess he wasn't that fast after all.
Ciara yelled up at me, “Use Arial Ace, and bring him down!” I to the surprise of Blaine, the judge, and the small crowd in the Gym, I yelled down to her, “You got it, partner!”
Kite:(Nate) Swing yer partner, dosie-do!
I came down with such power, Arcanine’s legs gave out immediately gave out, and he fainted on the spot.
Haruko: He heard Nate's nasally cowboy impression and swooned in embaressment.
I had won, and was now glowing!
All: Uh-oh....
I gained an extra 158 pounds and grew another two feet!
Chiyo: Now he's a quadruped?
Haruko: ...I think he's talking about height.
Kite: Or length.
Haruko: *Glares*
I also changed color, my skin from golden-orange to black, I sprouted huge wings, that were also black, but with burgundy on the inner side of my wings, instead of the blue color my parents had. My head horn slid to the right as my skull grew bigger, and my mouth became huge! I also grew another head horn, on the left side of my head.
Kite:(Nate) ....And that's how I came to sit on my throne as the fresh prince of bel-air.
Chiyo: We took way too long to finish that joke!
Haruko: Yeah, kind of lost it's impact. Oh well.
Upon winning the battle, my trainer declined the Volcano Badge that was offered to her, but instead asked if he could teach me any special moves that could make my more powerful than I was already. Blaine admitted that since I had just evolved, and since he had heard me speak believed my partner and I trusted each other enough,
Chiyo: OK, WE GET IT, HE BELIEVES IN YOU
he would teach me Blast Burn, the ultimate Fire-Type move for my species.
Haruko: For your eyes only.
He asked me what move I wanted to forget to learn it, and I told him to replace Flamethrower. He taught it to me, and my trainer thanked him before we left and headed for my partner’s home.
Haruko: I think it's coming now.
Kite: Chiyo, you can close your eyes
Chiyo: R-Really? No.. I can do this too!
She asked me if I remembered my promise, and I told her I remembered perfectly.
Haruko:(Nate) Let's see.. Uh, yeah, totally.. Um.. it's our anniversary, right?
She gave me her father’s necklace, She said it was her father Nate’s heirloom,
Kite: She named the dragon destined to kill her after her father.
Haruko: That speaks leauges about her family life.
Chiyo: And "nate!" For some reason when I imagine Ciala's father, I see Chuckie's dad from the rugrats!
the Shadow Necklace. I instantly remembered reading about in myths about the Johto region, and was told to make its wearer’s dreams come true, no matter who or what they were. She slid it around my head and onto my neck, and asked if I was ready. With of sadness in my voice, “Yes, I will miss you, but I believe that you will become a part of me.”
Haruko; Aw, isn't that cute..
Chiyo and Kite:... BUT IT'S WRONG!!!
I then opened my mouth as wide as I could open it, and she climbed in. I asked her if she wanted me to chew or not. She told me she wanted me to swallow her whole,
Kite:(Nate) But I didn't care and chewed the bitch anyway.
and asked how she tasted to me.
Haruko:(Nate, mouth full) MH DMMHN PHHM GHMD
Chiyo:(Ciara) What? I didn't quite get that!
Haruko:(Nate, mouth full) HMM SHHM... D'OHH, FGBBM IB....*chewing sounds.*
I moved her around a bit, but made sure to keep her away from my teeth. She was sweating from the heat, and I could taste the salt mixing in with the other flavors.
Kite: .....Ew.
Then, after five minutes, I swallowed her, and felt my neck bulge as she slid down my throat, and when she reached my stomach, it expanded a bit.
Chiyo:(Nate) As it turns out, she was 80% helium.
I said out loud, hoping she would hear me, “You were the best meal I’ve ever had.” I heard and felt her being digested, and as time passed, I felt stronger and wiser, and found I was more artistic than before. I believed that my partner’s soul had merged with mine.
Haruko:.... What? That's it? just like that?! he barely even.. What? WHAT?!
Kite: What, did you want him to add more detail?!
Haruko: If you're going to write something, at least put your damned back into it!
After tiding the house up and putting it up for sale,
Haruko:...WHAT?! THAT'S THE COLDEST, MOST HORRIBLE THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!
Kite: Pimps up, hos down
I went to the beach and fished a Magikarp out of the ocean with my claws. I roasted it with my Blast Burn, and swallowed it whole. Immediately after I felt it slide into my stomach, A Gyarados spring up out of the water, and shouted at the top of its lungs, “You ate my child, now I will get my revenge be eating you!”
Excel:(Gyarados) CHARIZARDS ATE MY BABY
[The safety light flashes, everyone leaves the theater...]
-------------------
INTERMISSION
------------- -----
[Everyone is circled around Excel, who is lying on a stone altar, cherry blossoms fluttering down as an angelic light shines on her. Chiyo is dressed like a preacher. Chapin's funeral dirge is playing in the background.]
Chiyo: We are gathered here today to mourn the untimely passing of Excel Excel, a good friend of everyone in this room. Taken from us prematurely by the thought of a pokemon having sex and then on request ending the life of an unfortunate human girl, we will miss her.
Kite:*Sobs*
Haruko: Be strong, Kite.
Even though she got us into this mess... And still won't admit it...And talks very loudly.. And keeps everyone up at night... And broke the popcorn machine...
Haruko: She ate my twizzlers during the Caseyfic
Chiyo: ...And ate Haruko-san's twizzlers during the Caseyfic... And honestly, in general wasn't that great of a person.
Excel:*Jolts up, obviously not really dead* I'm not that bad!
Chiyo: ...She was still a good friend.
Excel: You guys really hate me that much? *She looks around between the others. They all avert their eyes*
Kite: Well...
Haruko: Um....
Chiyo: I don't hate you Miss Excel!
Excel: *Smiles warmly* Really, Chiyo-chan?
Chiyo: Yes! I just don't care for you that much.
Excel:*Hugs chiyo* You're so sweet.
------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
----------
[Back in the lobby, the halpless cast is sitting around rather boredly. Haruko is strumming her guitar and Chiyo is reading a book about quantum physics. But the main focus lies on Kite, who is playing ping pong with a ping pong table set against the wall, due to the internet, and thus his connection to The World, being down. Excel is sitting on the confectionary counter beside him, looking distraught]
Excel: Kite.. Can I.. Can I ask you an important question?
Kite: Sure, Excel *strikes the ball, not even really looking at her* I'm listening.
Excel: Well, you see, that whole mock funeral thing.. It really got to me. I know I sounded like I tried to laugh it off, but it seemed like you guys really disliked me, and I don't wa-
[The ball bounces past Kite, and he begins shouting, interrupting her]
Kite: GOD DAMNIT SON OF A ***** PIECE OF **** HOW COULD I MISS THE ****ING BALL I'M PLAYING AGAINST A WALL STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Excel: K-Kite! I thought you were listening!
Kite: *Retrieves the ball* Oh. Sorry, Excel, I'm listening. *Begins playing again*
Excel: ...Okay. As I was saying. I don't really feel that you guys have a lot of positive feeling toward me. I know that I'm the main reason we're all locked inside of this theater, but um... I'm sorry! I guess! And I'm sure that we'll
Kite: *Kite misses another ball and predictably starts screaming* FAGGOT **** BASTARD **** KITE GET YOUR DAMN HEAD IN THE GAME!
Excel: Kite! You're not even listening to me, are you?! *Excel sounds to be on the verge of tears*
Kite: ...I'm sorry, Excel. I'm being rude, aren't I? *He sighs, picking up the ball again* I'll calm down. You don't deserve such treatment. *He begins playing again*
Excel: Thanks, Kite, I-
Kite: *Misses on the second bounce* SON OF A-
[Kite doesn't get the opportunity to continue, as Excel flings herself at him and begins to beat his head against the ping pong table]
Excel: YOU WILL LISTEN TO MY APOLOGIES! MY APOLOGIES WILL NOT BE IGNORED! RECIEVE PAIN NOW.
Kite: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, fractured skull, ow, ow
[Haruko, watching the scene, sighs and Chiyo begins to panic and look for the first aid kit.]
Haruko: Tsk. The solution to this happening every other day would be to take away the ping pong table or sew Excel's mouth shut. And I honestly can't figure out the better course of action here.
----
[Everyone comes to sit in the theater, Kite with both hands on his head]
Kite: Do I really have to watch this? I feel like a truck ran over my face
Haruko: It's your own fault for getting so angry during internet withdrawl.
Chiyo: Just try not to move to much, Kite!
Even though I couldn‘t move, I laughed and retorted, “How will you pull that stunt off? I’m much too big for you to eat!”
Haruko: Last time I checked, Gyrados was like.. three times bigger than Charizard
Kite: The author's Gary-Sue is a charizard, so Charizards can do just about anything, ok? It's like Pikahu always winning because Ash believes in him.
Suddenly Blastoise, my rival who I had not seen in months,
Excel: Wow, some introduction.
Chiyo: (Narrator) Remember this guy? Pointless character who dissapeared from the fanfic earlier? Yeah, he's back because I needed him to fit a plot device.
Kite: (Monster truck ralley announcer voice) Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Nate the Charizard takes on Bob the Blastoise in a battle of who can embaress themselves more!
came up out of the shallows and said, “I still owe you the humiliation you caused me that one time!
Haruko: (Blastoise) Yeah, you remember?! That one time?!
Excel: Jeeze, you'd think that knocking the guy out and leading him to be enslaved by some crazy lady that wanted him to eat her would be enough to make them even! Blastoise must be a really sore loser.
I heard Gyarados, and my superiorly brilliant mind can help! I invented something that will make you wish you had never humiliated me. I am superior and you will soon learn that!”
Chiyo: (Mandark) HA-HAHA! HA-HAHA-HAHA-HAHA! HA-HAHA!
He immediately whipped out a machine, and said with a flourish, “ This is a little something I call the Age Reversal Machine! It makes you younger, and therefore small enough for Gyarados to eat!”
Kite: (Blastoise) Not that it really works! I mean, I've been toting it underwater for like two months!
I forced a laugh, and said, “I’m a pokemon, that will never work!” He snickered, and asked me, “How was your victory meal, old friend?”
Haruko: "Old?" How long has this story taken place over? I mean, Blastoise acts like it's been two years, yet with the amount of description going on in this story I figured it was like a month or two
I gasped, and he snickered again. “That’s right,” He snarled, “I saw and heard what happened after you won at the gym with your ‘partner,’
Excel: (Blastoise) And I made VIDEOS to spread on the internet! Muhahahahaha!
Chiyo: (Nate) You fiend!
and since this device reverses human age, guess what?” he snickered again, and I shot back hotly,
Kite: (Gyrados) Hey, can you two like, um.. Hurry this up? My baby just got eaten by a dragon and I'm kind of in the mood for revenge..Please?
“There is one problem with your plan, Einstein,’ I said bitterly. “I’m not a human, I’m a Charizard!”
Excel: (Einstien) Anyvon who hash not made ah mishtake hash never vitten a vore fanfic
“You became partly human when your master gave herself over to your mouth!”
Haruko: No, something tells me the "human parts" are long gone. Or at least sitting in a big pile behind the house of the girl he ate, running down the real estate value heavily.
He yelled, then laughed like he had told the funniest joke in the world.
Kite: I think Blastoise needs some Ritalin.
He raised the machine and aimed the machine at me, saying, “Good bye, inferior!”
Chiyo: (Russian accent) Good bye, Mister Bond!
I struggled to move, but was still recharging from my Blast Burn.
Chiyo: (Nate) Plus, I had already spent my turn, so I was kind of stuck here until he made an attack!
Haruko: If an attack forces you to stand still and recharge for as long as this horrible exchange of words has gone on, there is absolutely NO reason to use it.
I was hit full force by the beam, and there was a bright flash. Even though I was still level 36,
Kite: *sniffle* They grow up so fast
Excel: Maybe he should have spent some time training in the tall grass instead of eating people!
my trainer’s spirit had merged with mine, and had caused me to revert back to being a Charmander again!
Haruko: (Nate) God, why did I eat her?! I should've waited until AFTER I met my inexplicably reappearing rival! Now I've got cramps...
Gyarados moved her mouth over me, and it suddenly became dark as her mouth snapped shut.
All: Chew! Chew! Chew!
Before I could get a good hold on her tongue, she swallowed me whole.
Kite: Yes! YES! The end of nate the charizard! I've never been so happy to see a sexually charged eating sequence!
Haruko: Are you kidding? Remember that this is about his fursona. Some valkyrie with a horse wang is going to descend down and save him or something,
As I was pushed further and further into her throat, I became covered in saliva. Finally, I reached her stomach. I sat up in her acid,
Chiyo: (Nate) At this point I hadn't reacted to how HORRIBLY PAINFUL STOMACH ACIDS FEEL.
and realized that I could feel her moving through the water. Even more amazing, I realized that I was enjoying this!
*Excel begins to turn green again. Chiyo comforts her.*
Apparently, when I had eaten my master, I had gained her fetish for being eaten along with her spirit.
Kite: Well, good. I hope you gained her ability to die an agonizing, acidic death too, or I'll be sorely dissapointed.
And thanks to the Shadow Necklace, the stomach acid couldn’t digest me.
Kite: Oh god damnit, Haruko, give me your Rickenbacker, I'm going to blow my head off.
Haruko: Even if I wanted to see your head vaporized, I wouldn't let you touch my baby. Only Naota can do that.
I decided to do what humans call masturbation.
Haruko: -I- decided to do what humans, as well as my own species, call-
Excel: *throws up all over Chiyo, who is shrieking about uncleanliness*
Haruko: ....Yeah. That.
After this, I fell asleep. I sat in her stomach for at least a week, pondering what I should do next, masturbating at least three more times before the week was up. Finally, I felt the Gyarados stop. Figuring she was asleep, I decided if I was to escape, I had to do it now.
[Excel lies on the ground passed out, while Chiyo is running about in the back rows shrieking. Haruko and Kite ignore them]
Kite: How? Charizards -probably- can't swim.. Oh, wait. Yeah. Fursona. Can do anything.
I slowly but surely made my way back up her throat, it pulsating around me and making me spray seed into her throat.
Haruko: Okay, this had to be made with the intention of inversely feeling sorry for the Gyrados who has had her child eaten and then had her mouth sprayed with... Charizard juice. *Gags*
Kite: Please. Give me Casey Ray and Renamon back. Please.
As I made my way up, I again was being covered in saliva, and made it into her mouth when she woke up. She tried to shut her mouth, but I leaped out before she got her mouth shut.
Kite: (Nate) Gepetto was shaking in my arms, but I assured him everything would be fine.
I stood up in the shallows, and at that time the effects of Blastoise’s machine wore off, reverting me back to my Charizard self.
Haruko: Pity it didn't revert you back to a madman's imagination.
I walked up to a sign in the middle of the town after washing myself off, and discovered I was in a town by the name of Pallet.
Kite: (Nate) It was then I decided that this lemon would most certainly not be complete without me getting it on with Professor Oak.
Haruko: (Oak) You're definitly getting to borrow a pokedex, if you know what I mean big boy~!
I wandered north a ways, and found a town named Viridian City. There, I met a man who taught me how to Fly in place of my Arial Ace,
Kite: The old man tried to stop him because he didn't have his morning coffe, but Nate just stepped on him.
and when he was done, I took off into the sky and looked for a mountain to make my home.
Haruko: (Nate) So yeah, pretty much nothing happened throughout that trip. I have absolutely no idea why I described going through those two towns.
I saw one a ways off, and flew there and landed. There was a Poke Center right outside of the mountain, and scared the nurse there half to death when I asked her to heal me.
Haruko: (Nurse Joy) Oh my GOD!!! It's a pokemon, I thought they were just urban legends!
She did when she came back to. I went into the mountain, which was named Mt. Moon.
Kite: (Nate) See? It does have something to do with the games other than aiding my lack of creativity by allowing me to cut and paste names onto established characters!
Haruko: Hey, calm down. No reason to smash the author.
I have since made a cave for myself, and made money working at the Center outside of the Mountain. I have a T.V, computer, and an art studio.
Haruko: (Nate) Sure, some people call it a "Basement," but they just have no taste in art.
I even flew back to my home island and got all of my partner’s old furniture.
Kite: (Nate) She won't be needing these anymore.. Being dead and all!
The house was actually sold right after I moved the old stuff out,
Haruko: So he basically busted into a house that he killed someone in and took the furniture from the new owners?
Kite: To be fair, there was really no real estate agent, so whoever "bought it" were probably hobo squatters.
and now spend my time writing stories and making drawings of myself and others in predatory and prey comics and pictures with the money from the sale.
Kite: (Nate) Can you believe it?! People actually PAY for this crap!
Now that you know my story, I hope you are less freaked out by the fact of a talking and communicating Charizard, and will anxiously await my stories and art of vore!
Kite and Haruko: Oh god, MORE?!
Enjoy!
Kite: Haha.. Noooo thanks, Nate. Not gonna happen.
Haruko: Not until Ilpalazzo inevitably demands we watch it under punishment of death.
Kite: Well yeah... But even then, I seriously doubt that any "enoyment" will come of that!
[Kite and Haruko pause... And realize it's over. And that Chiyo is still covered in puke running around like she's caught fire, and Excel is passed out drooling on the floor face first]
Kite:...We really need some different cast members for this adult stuff.
[The safety light blinks on. Haruko carries Excel out of the theater while kite throws a net on top of Chiyo and drags her out kicking and screaming]
-------
[Back in ACROSS sewer headquarters, Ilpalazzo is sitting by himself. His arm breaches from his incredibly bulky cloak and sits on the armrest as he leans on it... Thinking to himself]
Ilpalazzo: Maybe this is a waste of time. Maybe instead of trapping two cretins, a beautiful alien woman, and an even bigger blonde cretin in a theater was not the best way to go about conquering this city. The data is useful. It shows not only that the people of this world are corrupt enough to write such drivel, but they are also are strong enough to sit through it. with sanity intact. Perhapes I should do other things.. Offer humanitarian aid. Create large faceless corporations and monopoly various industries. Enslave the people of the world city by city with hypnotic cybertechnocollars. Maybe I should..
[Ilpalazzo flickers on his viewscreen and views Excel hanging from the ceiling of the theater lobby like a pinata, as well as Chiyo still covered in throwup hanging in her net beside her, thrashing like a mad animal. Kite walks onto the screen holding what appears to be a massive firehose]
Kite: Okay you guys. Get ready! One.. Two.. Three!
[Haruko turns the hose on offscreen, and a torrent of water explodes from it, blasting Chiyo clean and assumably waking up excel, but also propelling them both through a wall]
Kite:...oops.
[Ilpalazzo turns off the viewscreen and sighs a little.. SHaking his head. But he is smiling. He speaks out loud:]
Ilpalazzo: On second thought.. At the very least, this is somewhat entertaining.
***END***
A/N: This is an MST of a fanfic by "charizardcowman," done without permission. As such this fanfic is not mine, and is simply having fun poked at it in a creative form of criticism. Nintendo and Gamefreak own all pokemon, though I suppose the convoluted characters contained within are propery of charizardcowman
----------------------
Story of Nate the Charizard
Chiyo: Hooray! Pokemon! Hooray!
Haruko: Chiyo, I... Don't think this is going to be fun in games in pokeland.
Excel: Oh, come on. How can someone make Pokemon anything other that pure, happy fun?
Kite: ...Poor, naive children.
Haruko: They'll learn.
Contains: Soft Vore, Hard Vore,
Kite: Make up your mind!
Excel: What's vore?
Haruko *Lights cigarette* ...Buckle up, kiddo.
Prey and Pred respectively,
Kite: So Soft vore is the prey, and Hard vore is the pred?
Excel: What does that mean? This isn't making any sense!
and Sexual Content between Male Charmeleon and Female Human
Excel: OH GODDAMNIT!
Chiyo: B...But...But!
Haruko: It's okay.. Don't worry. We'll survive this.
Kite: We will preserve!
What’s up? I’m Nate the Charizard.
Excel: Hi, Nate!
Now, I know what you are thinking, and I know that is really surprising to find out that I can speak and understand human language perfectly.
Chiyo: Did a Charizard really write this?
Kite: Yeah. I saw his picture on the back of the book.
I can even write. I hope that this account of myself will clear up all of the confusion.
Haruko:(Slash) It seems excessive... uhhh.. But that doesn't mean.. uhhh... it didn't happen.
As I said, I am a Charizard now,
Excel: But I was a woman before. A man.. Trapped in a woman's body...
but I was hatched by my parents on the island of Cinnabar, in a cave inside of the volcano there. I am a shiny pokemon, meaning that I was born with golden-orange skin and a brighter yellow belly than regular Charmander, who have orange skin and a cream colored belly.
Haruko: Well, geeze, aren't you proud? What, you think you're better than the non-shinies?
Kite: Let's call the National Association for the Advancement of Non-Shinies. This can't stand as is.
My parents were both non-shiny Charizards, and told me that I was a very special Charmander because of my color.
Chiyo: No, seriously, I think you guys might be right! This is just wrong.
Kite: *Dialing on the phone. He waits a moment and answers* Hello, NAANS?
They said that if any trainer found me outside of the volcano, they would probably catch me on the spot.
Excel:(Nate) And then they'd take me home and do horrible things to me involving cucumbers and rope, and...
Kite: Yes... Mhm.. yes, "Nate the Charizard.." What? Oh, come on, you've got to be kidding me. Westborough Shiny Church? Figures.. Sorry... Mmhm.. yes, it's fine.. *Hangs up the phone* Stupid first amendment.
They would always make up excuses to keep me inside.
Chiyo:(Nate's mom) Honey, you can't go outside until you finish cleaning the bottom of lava pit, your aunt and uncle are coming over and you know how they are!
When I hit level 10, they let me leave more often.
Excel: So pokemon don't age, they level?
Haruko: Well, you have to commend them for trying to stick to canon.
Since I was born on an island, most of the pokemon I knew were water-types, opposed to the fire-type me. The only other fire pokemon on the island were the volcano residents.
Excel: See you guys? It isn't Nate's fault. He, too, was a victim of poke-racism! There's always another side to the story.
Kite: Yeah, now I feel kind of bad.
There were also poison-type pokemon on the island, in an abandoned lab of some sort.
All: Uh-ooooooh! Hijinks ahoy!
My best friends were: a Vulpix, who always bragged about her parents being able to curse people, (we all ignored her after some time, it got so old.)
Chiyo:(Vulpix) Guys...? Guys...? Come on, guys! Seriously, I'll curse you!... Guys?
A Growlithe, whose father would give us rides around the island in five seconds flat,
Kite: (Kid's voice) Sometimes Mister Growlithe came home early. We all liked him! We called him "Mister Growl!" And sometimes, he would take one special boy ou-
Haruko: That's enough.
Excel: Small island, huh?
Chiyo: You have to be fast, getting through those water-type neighborhoods. You never know who's a friend and who's a Growlithe-jacker.
and a Koffing, who would explode without warning,
All:(Containing laughter barely)
Haruko:(Koffing) Hey guys, what's going o-KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
All: (Burst out laughing)
never allowing us to get away from him, and always causing my parents to make me soak in the lava until the stench was gone.
Excel: Well, I think it would be much more effective to soak the koffing in the lava...
Kite:(Billy Mayes voice) Having problems with poison gas?! I'm Billy Mayes, here for the Koffing-B-Gone Lava Pit!
Along with great friends, unfortunately, there must also be rivals. I only had one rival, but he was more than enough. He was a regular Squirtle, not shiny like me, but was a genius.
Haruko: That's a fancy way of saying he got picked on by a nerd.
He was always sitting in the shallow area of the ocean, near the shore, or in the lab collecting stray pieces of equipment to create mechanical wonders. One thing he created was something called a “Pokemon Analysis Machine.”
Kite: And so, the first step down the road of curing PokeAIDs was made.
Until he created this machine, we were friends and neighbors. The machine changed all that. As soon as he had created the machine, He had me step into it, just to test it out.
Excel:(Nate) And that was how I took my true form as a man.
Since we were friends back then, He would always trust me to try out his experiments. When I stepped in, it said in a booming voice; Species: Charmander; Level: 15; Experience to next level: 350; Type: Fire; Moveset: Scratch, Growl, Ember, and Metal Claw; Strong against: Grass, Bug, Steel, and Ice Pokemon; Weak against: Fire, Rock, Dragon and Water Pokemon.
Chiyo:(robot voice) DISPOSITION: SILLY
When Squirtle heard that I was weak against him, he got a gleam in his eye that I had never seen before.
Haruko: Uh-oh...
He violently Tackled me, knocking me off the machine, something very unlike him,
Kite:(Nate) Typically he only physically abused me after I stepped out of the machine.
and said, “Maybe I should try it out myself, just to make sure.”
Chiyo:(Turns green)
Excel:(Suddenly trembling) Please, no...
Haruko: Brace for impact! Possible Lemon incoming!
Kite:(Skeptical) Nah...
The machine started up again, and again announced the information on the pokemon in it; Species: Squirtle; Level: 15; Experience to next level: 113; Type: Water; Moveset: Tackle, Bubble, Withdraw, and Water Gun; Strong against: Fire, Ground and Rock Pokemon; Weak against Water, Grass, and Dragon Pokemon.
Excel/Chiyo:*Relieved sigh*
Haruko: That was a close one.
Kite: Thanks for the strategy guide, Nate, but Squirtle is not weak against water pokemon.
As soon as the machine finished its analysis of Squirtle, he immediately jumped off, and yelled at the top of his voice at me, “I am your superior, and you can’t do anything about it! I challenge you to a battle, so that I can demonstrate my superiority and evolve into Wartortle!”
Kite:(Simpsons comic book guy) *Snort* My level 40 dwarf will test his mettle against you in the field of combat! Ready yourself, cur!
He then immediately shot a Water Gun in my direction,
Excel: GET DOWN! HE's GOT A ...water....GUN!
Chiyo: Squirtle is a growlithe-jacker.
but I was ready. I jumped to the left, and used my speed technique that Growlithe’s father, Arcanine, had secretly taught me during my training with him, under my parents wishes to become strong enough to fend off any trainer.
Haruko: (Nate's dad) Yes, I may be a massive firebreathing dragon death machine, but I can't fight. Big dog man, you're up!
My training paid off, and I hit Squirtle right in his weak part of his shell.
Chiyo: It was marked with a big glowing red gem so he knew what to do
Kite: Jump on the Squirtle's back!
He immediately fell backward, fainted and sprawled out on the sand. I then started to glow, and shouted at the top of my lungs,
Haruko:(Nate)...And that's how I became a super saiyan.
Chiyo: His power is maximum!
“ Mom, Dad, I am evolving into Charmeleon!”
Excel:(Nate's father) NOT IN MY HOUSE, YOU'RE NOT!
They both rushed out just in time to see me sprout my head horn, which swooped backward, my jaws grow sleeker and more powerful, and me gain a foot and seven inches of height, as well as gain 23 lbs. I also grew in meat teeth, which would allow me to catch and eat prey other than Raticate to eat.
Kite:(Nate)....And that's how I became the devil.
Baby and Young Charmander eat Raticate after their parents slice them up with their claws.
Excel: Sheesh, that's pretty grim. Do you need to go into the details of how they eat cute, cuddly pokemon.
Haruko:*Worriedly looks at Kite*
Kite: ...I have a bad feeling about this.
Chiyo: Huh?
When Charmander get older, before evolving, they start to eat their Raticate prey whole, which slide down their throat, complete with bulging neck muscles and stomach stretching.
Chiyo: Ew!
Excel: Yuck! What the heck?!
Some humans and even other pokemon, including myself, love to see and wish to eat or be eaten.
Chiyo: Why would you want to be eaten?!
Excel: Seriously.
Kite: Ilpalazzo, do you see what you're doing to the minds of these poor innocents?!
Haruko: I think he does. And I think he has his hands down his pants.
I didn’t know what the term for this was until I met my trainer, who told me what it was, as she was like this also
Haruko: Kids, let me spoil this for you. This fanfic is likely going to be about him having sex with this girl, and then eating her in a sexually-themed manner
Excel:...........
Chiyo:...........
. I also dreamed of intercourse with a animals other than pokemon.
Chiyo: LET ME OUT! I'LL TAKE THE POISON GAS! ANYTHING! JUST LET ME OUT!!!!
Excel: *Is curled into a ball, sobbing*
But I will get to that in time.
Excel and Chiyo: NO THANK YOU!!! *Sob*
Haruko: Calm down.. Look. It's okay. We sat through Casey Ray having sex with renamon, we can sit through this...This... Thing.
The celebration was short lived, though, as Squirtle recovered, stood back up, and blasted me full force with a Water Gun right under my head horn, which was my newly developed weak area.
Kite: I almost forgot about the fighting pokemon after that sex and eating tangent.
My vision immediately started going dark, and just before I blacked out, I saw Squirtle finish its evolution into Wartortle.
Haruko:(Wartortle) Not so special now, are you? Huh? HUH?
Excel:(Recuperated) I'm shiny, and you're not! You're not! You're not!
When I came to, I wasn’t laying on the beach. I was encased in a capsule, and I was surrounded by windows on every side.
Chiyo: They encased him in frozen carbonite and took him to Jabba's palace!
Kite: Uh-oh.
I immediately began to panic, but then realized immediately where I was and froze, not wanting to move a muscle. I realized that the capsule was what my parents had warned me about my whole life… I was in a trainer’s pokeball! I started ramming the sides of the ball, and to my surprise, was transported out onto my childhood beach.
Haruko: Sheesh, some pokemon trainer. Catching unconscious pokemon?
I yelled out, “Great, I am still home on Cinnabar! And I escaped the trainer that caught me!” I started to run toward the volcano, but was stopped by some sort of force. I heard a female voice behind me, which caused me to immediately spin around and listen. I understood the following three words:
Haruko:(Nate) You. Are. Screwed.
Mine, Powerful, Nate. I demanded of the human, “Why can’t I get away from you? Why can’t I go home?” Instead of answering, the girl showed me a book.
Chiyo:(Nate)...See Spot Run? How does this answer my question?!
I had been into the old lab before to run errands for my now rival Wartortle, so I could read and correctly interpret most human speech that was written down.
Kite: Ah, he accessed the "plot device library," as I believe it's called.
Excel: Yes, the lab was investigating the potential uses of deus ex machina.
I looked at it, and read what the words said:
Haruko:(Nate) "If you can.. Read this.. You're too close".... Hey!
You are mine, you powerful and shiny Charmeleon. Your new name is Nate.
Excel: What?! I thought his name was already Nate!
Chiyo: I guess before now, it was just "Charmander"
Haruko: You mean "Charmeleon"
Excel: But that doesn't make any sense! What if there's more than one charmeleon?! That's like calling a dog, "dog."
Kite: Stop making sense and watch the damned story.
I was immediately taken back by this. Why had this human captured me? Why did Wartortle turn against me? Why was I still home, but still unable to see my family?
Kite:(Singing) Tell me whyyyy... Why must I crrrrryyy..?
I turned to the human, and asked, “ Why did you capture me? Why am I home, but can’t leave to see my family?” My trainer, who’s name was Ciara, instead of the book, slowly told me the answers, so that I could understand her words. It surprised me to know she knew what I was saying.
Chiyo: She visited the library too.
She said this, “ I took one look at you unconscious on the beach, and I knew that me finding you was no coincidence. I live on this island, and will allow you to see your family.
Haruko:(Ciara) As long as you pay yearly tribute to the volcano god for my tribe.
And, while I train you to fight, I will also teach you to speak and write, as well as understand human speech.”
Chiyo:(Nate) But.. I already can underst-
Excel(Ciara) yeah, right. You're making this all up as you go along
.
Ciara only had me as a pokemon, but she was diligent and taught me to speak the human language, and to write it.
Haruko: WOAH I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING, THEY'RE PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS
Kite: If she gets caught by the plantation owner, she's in big trouble.
I even learned how to draw and do art as a human does. I was also allowed to see my parents, who were sad that I was now a “slave” as they put it, to the girl.
Haruko:(Nate's father) You brought this on yourself, becoming a charmeleon like that.
Excel:(Nate's mother) HONEY!!
In spite of this, they would help me train, and would even have Arcanine come to teach me. I was bided by Ciara to hunt for my food, which I had done practically done this my whole life.
Chiyo: ....So in other words, no real change then. You're doing everything you used to. How awful.
I was happy to oblige, and noticed that she would always watch me as I chewed and swallowed my prey of fish from the sea and Raticate from the lab.
Chiyo: SO IN OTHER WORDS,
Haruko: Chiyo, settle down.
I also realized that she liked to watch me especially close when I swallowed my prey whole, and she seemed to be fascinated with my neck bulging and my stomach stretching as the prey resisted.
Excel:....
Kite: Are you all right, Ex-chan? You don't look so good.
One day, I asked her why she watched me eat and seemed to be fascinated when I swallowed my pray whole, which caused her to turn a little red.
Kite: It was then I discovered that she was a robot.
Haruko:(Robot voice) INTERNAL HEATING ENGAGED. INITIATE ASSAULT MODE
She told my this in reply, “ I am someone that has a fascination with vorarephilia. In other words, I enjoy watching other animals, people included, eat other animals, and dream of being eaten. I also dream of having intercourse with a pokemon.”
Kite: There you go, you two. The definition of-
Excel: *Vomits*
Chiyo: Oh no, Miss Excel! Someone call a doctor!
Haruko: Ilplazzo, seriously! Let her out!
Kite: Shut up! I'm trying to explain how I know a lot about sexual depravity!
-----The story pauses. When we regain view of the foursome again, they are still in the theater, except for Excel.
Kite: Excel sure is lucky... Just because she has a weak stomach for freaky sex.
[Ilplazzo's loudspeaker comes down beside Chiyo's ear. She dives for cover]
Ilplazzo: YOUR STORY WILL NOW RESUME! ENJOY, MY BELOVED FOOLS!
----
By this time, I was a level 35, and knew the moves: Flamethower naturally, and Dragon Claw, Iron Tail, and Arial Ace from TM’s my trainer had given me.
Chiyo: Hey, she's a good trainer. She didn't opt for Flame Blast.
Even though I was still a Charmeleon, I was the still the only pokemon my trainer had, and I decided to confess to my trainer my secrets as she had done to me. I walked over, gave her a lick,
Haruko:(Nate) Hey baby, one way date. You and my BELLEH.
(kissing for me,) and told her, “ I have something to tell you.
Kite:(Nate) I am from space, I have three penises, and my left hand is made of cheese.
I have the same fascination, only I dream of eating a human. I know it is crazy, and so is the fact I also want to have intercourse outside of my species.”
Haruko:How conveeEEEEEniant.
My trainer took both of my paws, look my right in the eyes,
Chiyo:(Nate) ...Put me in handcuffs and sent me to prison.
and said this simple thing, “ I know that intercourse with your pokemon is normally a violation of respect, but I want to have it with you.”
Excel: That's a violation of a LOT more than respect, lady.
Sure she could see my penis erection
Kite: (schwarzanegger voice) Behold, my peenus erection!
Haruko: Hold it. Sex scene initiating....
Kite: That's it, Ilplazzo. Who's staying?
[Ilplazzo's loudspeaker descends]
Ilplazzo: TODAY'S LUCKY TEST SUBJECT WILL BE MISS HARUHARA HARUKO.
Haruko: ...Lovely. At least it won't be the kids.
[All but Haruko exit the theater]
Ilplazzo: LOVELY MISS HARUKO... DO YOU TRUELY THINK YOU CAN BEAR THIS? WOULD YOU NOT RATHER BE BEAMED TO MY UNDERGROUND HEADQUARTERS?
Haruko: Handsome... I can take this. I can take a god. I can take Anything. *Haruko puts her cigarette out on the floor.*
Ilplazzo: VERY WELL... YOUR FATE IS SEALED, MY DEAR.
and my face getting at least a shade redder, I told her I wanted the same, and She gave me a kiss.
Haruko: Woo.. Take it off. Yay...
She then asked me to do her another favor. I told her, “anything, I would lay down my life for you.”
Haruko:(Ciala) Rub a light bulb all over me while I face the wall. it's my fetish, ok? Deal with it.
She then asked me, when I evolved into Charizard, if I would eat her. I was drawn aback by this request, and was about to respond, but she pressed her finger up to my lips,
haruko:(Nate) Or, to the leather muzzle on them, anyway.
and said this simple thing,
Haruko:(Ciala) POOP.
“I’ve wanted this ever since I met you, but never got up the courage until you confessed to me. I know I will die, but I want this, and now that I know you want it, I would have no regrets.
Haruko:(Ciala) HARA-KIRI
I only ask that when you eat me, that you would take and always wear the necklace my father, who I named you after, gave me before he died.
Haruko; Because your father would certainly be happy that you were having sex with a dragon. And that one killed you. And a giant charizard could totally wear a human-sized necklace, right?
I told her when I evolved, I would do it for her for teaching and training me all this time.
Haruko:(Nate) Ok, ok, I'll kill you, geeze!
She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then opened the door to her room, where I had been before, but never for this. She undressed, got into her bed, and motioned me to come into bed with her. I placed both paws on the bed, climbed carefully as not to burn the bed, and sat at the edge with my tail hanging off. She asked if I wanted to be on the top or bottom. I said, “I had better be on top, so the bed doesn’t burn to ashes.”
Haruko: He's a love machine that works within the acceptable boundaries of local fire codes.
I climbed onto her, and started doing what humans refer to as mounting. The more we went, the harder she started breathing and the more I growled from content.
Haruko: MMH THESE ARE SOME GOOD CONTENTS
I kept going until I felt her orgasm, and then rolled off onto the floor, scorching the bed where my tail had touched.
Haruko:(Nate) That started the sprinkler system and, well, the date just went downhill from there.
I was to calm and content to speak or moved, so I just breathed deeply in and out for several minutes. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Ciara said, “ That was the best sex I’ve ever had. I can’t believe how much better that was then I imagined it.”
Haruko:(Ciara) I mean, I've never had sex before! But, I mean, I bet it was good as far as sex goes, you know?!
“I know,” I agreed, “I didn’t expect it to be that great either.”
Haruko:(Nate) After all, you're pretty hideous.
my trainer and I, after resting the rest of the day, trained for a week and a half on end with random trainers that made their way to the island,
Haruko: Ugh, I can actually sympathize with him for once. Hundreds of people running on shore towards him and shouting "I like shorts, they're comfortable and easy to wear."
and was only 1,950 experience away from evolving, and only 1,950 experience away from my trainer leaving me forever.
Haruko: Work harder. PLEASE, work harder....
Then, the day finally came. My trainer took me to Cinnabar Gym, and led me into battle against the Gym Leader Blaine. I took out his Growlithe, who had been my childhood friend from back in the volcano,
Haruko:(Dramatic) NOOOOOOO
and his Ponyta,
Haruko:(More dramatic) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
which he had gotten off on One Island,
Haruko: I'd say that Blaine getting a Ponyta off was disgusting, but I've actually seen worse so far.
[Chiyo and Kite return]
Kite: Hey, Haruko.
Chiyo: Miss Haruko! Are you okay?
Haruko: Yeah. That was actually pretty pitiful.. Wait, he sent you back already..? I don't think the sex and eating is over yet.
[Chiyo and Kite scowl]
Haruko: Selfish! Both of you! Get over it and accept your fate.
a place I had never been before. Finally, I was only 50 experience away from evolving, when Blaine whipped out his final Pokemon’s pokeball. He sent it out, and surprise, surprise, it was Growlithe’s father Arcanine!
All: THE STUDENT SHALL SURPASS THE MASTER
He stood like the legendary pokemon Entei, who I had seen in Ciara’s picture books.
Kite: I hate how he interjects little factoids that have nothing to do with the story.
He then looked me right in the eyes and said, “So, it has come to the day when the shiny Charmeleon friend of my son fights me head on,
Chiyo:(Arcanine) IT IS AS FORETOLD IN THE PROPHECY!
without me holding back. Let’s see if serving a master has made you gone soft.”
Haruko: But doesn't he serve one too? He's Blaine's pokemon, right?
Kite: It's a part-time job.
Enraged, I attacked with Dragon Claw in a blind rage,
Kite: SO MUCH RAAAAGE!
Chiyo: I'd be angry too if he... Wait, what did Arcanine do again?
having been insulted by Arcanine having called me weak for being with a human.
Chiyo: Oh.
Haruko: I think the author may have gone blind with rage too. Or stupidity.
My blind shot missed,
Haruko: Aim next time, trust me. It works a whole lot better.
and I flinched immediately from a sharp pain in my shoulder, and realized the Arcanine was sinking his teeth into my left shoulder! I roared in pain, then brought my right claw into direct contact with Arcanine’s head.
Kite:(Nate, girly voice) Hi-ya! Take that, dummy head!
He recoiled then hit me with a full-fledged Fire Blast. I immediately felt woozy, and started to fall forward.
Chiyo: Don't worry, he only has five PP!
Just when I thought I was going to lose it for my master, my friend, I heard her say, in a soft, quite voice,
Haruko:(Ciara) Get up, you lazy bum!
“Please, don’t let me down.” Those words enough allowed me to get back up.
Kite: Ah, the classic cure to all anime and video game ailments and conflicts: reassurance from friends.
Haruko: Yeah, friends you plan on murdering.
Arcanine was immediately called to attack me with a faster than lightning Extremespeed.
Chiyo: A supermegaextremespeed
Kite:SupermegaHYPERextremespeed
Haruko:Superm egaHYPERDOUBLEextremespeed THIRD STRIKE
I knew that if he hit me, it would all be over for me. I gathered the last of my strength, and jumped in the air. Arcanine couldn’t stop like he wanted, and skidded to a stop just in front of where I had jumped.
Haruko: Guess he wasn't that fast after all.
Ciara yelled up at me, “Use Arial Ace, and bring him down!” I to the surprise of Blaine, the judge, and the small crowd in the Gym, I yelled down to her, “You got it, partner!”
Kite:(Nate) Swing yer partner, dosie-do!
I came down with such power, Arcanine’s legs gave out immediately gave out, and he fainted on the spot.
Haruko: He heard Nate's nasally cowboy impression and swooned in embaressment.
I had won, and was now glowing!
All: Uh-oh....
I gained an extra 158 pounds and grew another two feet!
Chiyo: Now he's a quadruped?
Haruko: ...I think he's talking about height.
Kite: Or length.
Haruko: *Glares*
I also changed color, my skin from golden-orange to black, I sprouted huge wings, that were also black, but with burgundy on the inner side of my wings, instead of the blue color my parents had. My head horn slid to the right as my skull grew bigger, and my mouth became huge! I also grew another head horn, on the left side of my head.
Kite:(Nate) ....And that's how I came to sit on my throne as the fresh prince of bel-air.
Chiyo: We took way too long to finish that joke!
Haruko: Yeah, kind of lost it's impact. Oh well.
Upon winning the battle, my trainer declined the Volcano Badge that was offered to her, but instead asked if he could teach me any special moves that could make my more powerful than I was already. Blaine admitted that since I had just evolved, and since he had heard me speak believed my partner and I trusted each other enough,
Chiyo: OK, WE GET IT, HE BELIEVES IN YOU
he would teach me Blast Burn, the ultimate Fire-Type move for my species.
Haruko: For your eyes only.
He asked me what move I wanted to forget to learn it, and I told him to replace Flamethrower. He taught it to me, and my trainer thanked him before we left and headed for my partner’s home.
Haruko: I think it's coming now.
Kite: Chiyo, you can close your eyes
Chiyo: R-Really? No.. I can do this too!
She asked me if I remembered my promise, and I told her I remembered perfectly.
Haruko:(Nate) Let's see.. Uh, yeah, totally.. Um.. it's our anniversary, right?
She gave me her father’s necklace, She said it was her father Nate’s heirloom,
Kite: She named the dragon destined to kill her after her father.
Haruko: That speaks leauges about her family life.
Chiyo: And "nate!" For some reason when I imagine Ciala's father, I see Chuckie's dad from the rugrats!
the Shadow Necklace. I instantly remembered reading about in myths about the Johto region, and was told to make its wearer’s dreams come true, no matter who or what they were. She slid it around my head and onto my neck, and asked if I was ready. With of sadness in my voice, “Yes, I will miss you, but I believe that you will become a part of me.”
Haruko; Aw, isn't that cute..
Chiyo and Kite:... BUT IT'S WRONG!!!
I then opened my mouth as wide as I could open it, and she climbed in. I asked her if she wanted me to chew or not. She told me she wanted me to swallow her whole,
Kite:(Nate) But I didn't care and chewed the bitch anyway.
and asked how she tasted to me.
Haruko:(Nate, mouth full) MH DMMHN PHHM GHMD
Chiyo:(Ciara) What? I didn't quite get that!
Haruko:(Nate, mouth full) HMM SHHM... D'OHH, FGBBM IB....*chewing sounds.*
I moved her around a bit, but made sure to keep her away from my teeth. She was sweating from the heat, and I could taste the salt mixing in with the other flavors.
Kite: .....Ew.
Then, after five minutes, I swallowed her, and felt my neck bulge as she slid down my throat, and when she reached my stomach, it expanded a bit.
Chiyo:(Nate) As it turns out, she was 80% helium.
I said out loud, hoping she would hear me, “You were the best meal I’ve ever had.” I heard and felt her being digested, and as time passed, I felt stronger and wiser, and found I was more artistic than before. I believed that my partner’s soul had merged with mine.
Haruko:.... What? That's it? just like that?! he barely even.. What? WHAT?!
Kite: What, did you want him to add more detail?!
Haruko: If you're going to write something, at least put your damned back into it!
After tiding the house up and putting it up for sale,
Haruko:...WHAT?! THAT'S THE COLDEST, MOST HORRIBLE THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!
Kite: Pimps up, hos down
I went to the beach and fished a Magikarp out of the ocean with my claws. I roasted it with my Blast Burn, and swallowed it whole. Immediately after I felt it slide into my stomach, A Gyarados spring up out of the water, and shouted at the top of its lungs, “You ate my child, now I will get my revenge be eating you!”
Excel:(Gyarados) CHARIZARDS ATE MY BABY
[The safety light flashes, everyone leaves the theater...]
-------------------
INTERMISSION
------------- -----
[Everyone is circled around Excel, who is lying on a stone altar, cherry blossoms fluttering down as an angelic light shines on her. Chiyo is dressed like a preacher. Chapin's funeral dirge is playing in the background.]
Chiyo: We are gathered here today to mourn the untimely passing of Excel Excel, a good friend of everyone in this room. Taken from us prematurely by the thought of a pokemon having sex and then on request ending the life of an unfortunate human girl, we will miss her.
Kite:*Sobs*
Haruko: Be strong, Kite.
Even though she got us into this mess... And still won't admit it...And talks very loudly.. And keeps everyone up at night... And broke the popcorn machine...
Haruko: She ate my twizzlers during the Caseyfic
Chiyo: ...And ate Haruko-san's twizzlers during the Caseyfic... And honestly, in general wasn't that great of a person.
Excel:*Jolts up, obviously not really dead* I'm not that bad!
Chiyo: ...She was still a good friend.
Excel: You guys really hate me that much? *She looks around between the others. They all avert their eyes*
Kite: Well...
Haruko: Um....
Chiyo: I don't hate you Miss Excel!
Excel: *Smiles warmly* Really, Chiyo-chan?
Chiyo: Yes! I just don't care for you that much.
Excel:*Hugs chiyo* You're so sweet.
------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
----------
[Back in the lobby, the halpless cast is sitting around rather boredly. Haruko is strumming her guitar and Chiyo is reading a book about quantum physics. But the main focus lies on Kite, who is playing ping pong with a ping pong table set against the wall, due to the internet, and thus his connection to The World, being down. Excel is sitting on the confectionary counter beside him, looking distraught]
Excel: Kite.. Can I.. Can I ask you an important question?
Kite: Sure, Excel *strikes the ball, not even really looking at her* I'm listening.
Excel: Well, you see, that whole mock funeral thing.. It really got to me. I know I sounded like I tried to laugh it off, but it seemed like you guys really disliked me, and I don't wa-
[The ball bounces past Kite, and he begins shouting, interrupting her]
Kite: GOD DAMNIT SON OF A ***** PIECE OF **** HOW COULD I MISS THE ****ING BALL I'M PLAYING AGAINST A WALL STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Excel: K-Kite! I thought you were listening!
Kite: *Retrieves the ball* Oh. Sorry, Excel, I'm listening. *Begins playing again*
Excel: ...Okay. As I was saying. I don't really feel that you guys have a lot of positive feeling toward me. I know that I'm the main reason we're all locked inside of this theater, but um... I'm sorry! I guess! And I'm sure that we'll
Kite: *Kite misses another ball and predictably starts screaming* FAGGOT **** BASTARD **** KITE GET YOUR DAMN HEAD IN THE GAME!
Excel: Kite! You're not even listening to me, are you?! *Excel sounds to be on the verge of tears*
Kite: ...I'm sorry, Excel. I'm being rude, aren't I? *He sighs, picking up the ball again* I'll calm down. You don't deserve such treatment. *He begins playing again*
Excel: Thanks, Kite, I-
Kite: *Misses on the second bounce* SON OF A-
[Kite doesn't get the opportunity to continue, as Excel flings herself at him and begins to beat his head against the ping pong table]
Excel: YOU WILL LISTEN TO MY APOLOGIES! MY APOLOGIES WILL NOT BE IGNORED! RECIEVE PAIN NOW.
Kite: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, fractured skull, ow, ow
[Haruko, watching the scene, sighs and Chiyo begins to panic and look for the first aid kit.]
Haruko: Tsk. The solution to this happening every other day would be to take away the ping pong table or sew Excel's mouth shut. And I honestly can't figure out the better course of action here.
----
[Everyone comes to sit in the theater, Kite with both hands on his head]
Kite: Do I really have to watch this? I feel like a truck ran over my face
Haruko: It's your own fault for getting so angry during internet withdrawl.
Chiyo: Just try not to move to much, Kite!
Even though I couldn‘t move, I laughed and retorted, “How will you pull that stunt off? I’m much too big for you to eat!”
Haruko: Last time I checked, Gyrados was like.. three times bigger than Charizard
Kite: The author's Gary-Sue is a charizard, so Charizards can do just about anything, ok? It's like Pikahu always winning because Ash believes in him.
Suddenly Blastoise, my rival who I had not seen in months,
Excel: Wow, some introduction.
Chiyo: (Narrator) Remember this guy? Pointless character who dissapeared from the fanfic earlier? Yeah, he's back because I needed him to fit a plot device.
Kite: (Monster truck ralley announcer voice) Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Nate the Charizard takes on Bob the Blastoise in a battle of who can embaress themselves more!
came up out of the shallows and said, “I still owe you the humiliation you caused me that one time!
Haruko: (Blastoise) Yeah, you remember?! That one time?!
Excel: Jeeze, you'd think that knocking the guy out and leading him to be enslaved by some crazy lady that wanted him to eat her would be enough to make them even! Blastoise must be a really sore loser.
I heard Gyarados, and my superiorly brilliant mind can help! I invented something that will make you wish you had never humiliated me. I am superior and you will soon learn that!”
Chiyo: (Mandark) HA-HAHA! HA-HAHA-HAHA-HAHA! HA-HAHA!
He immediately whipped out a machine, and said with a flourish, “ This is a little something I call the Age Reversal Machine! It makes you younger, and therefore small enough for Gyarados to eat!”
Kite: (Blastoise) Not that it really works! I mean, I've been toting it underwater for like two months!
I forced a laugh, and said, “I’m a pokemon, that will never work!” He snickered, and asked me, “How was your victory meal, old friend?”
Haruko: "Old?" How long has this story taken place over? I mean, Blastoise acts like it's been two years, yet with the amount of description going on in this story I figured it was like a month or two
I gasped, and he snickered again. “That’s right,” He snarled, “I saw and heard what happened after you won at the gym with your ‘partner,’
Excel: (Blastoise) And I made VIDEOS to spread on the internet! Muhahahahaha!
Chiyo: (Nate) You fiend!
and since this device reverses human age, guess what?” he snickered again, and I shot back hotly,
Kite: (Gyrados) Hey, can you two like, um.. Hurry this up? My baby just got eaten by a dragon and I'm kind of in the mood for revenge..Please?
“There is one problem with your plan, Einstein,’ I said bitterly. “I’m not a human, I’m a Charizard!”
Excel: (Einstien) Anyvon who hash not made ah mishtake hash never vitten a vore fanfic
“You became partly human when your master gave herself over to your mouth!”
Haruko: No, something tells me the "human parts" are long gone. Or at least sitting in a big pile behind the house of the girl he ate, running down the real estate value heavily.
He yelled, then laughed like he had told the funniest joke in the world.
Kite: I think Blastoise needs some Ritalin.
He raised the machine and aimed the machine at me, saying, “Good bye, inferior!”
Chiyo: (Russian accent) Good bye, Mister Bond!
I struggled to move, but was still recharging from my Blast Burn.
Chiyo: (Nate) Plus, I had already spent my turn, so I was kind of stuck here until he made an attack!
Haruko: If an attack forces you to stand still and recharge for as long as this horrible exchange of words has gone on, there is absolutely NO reason to use it.
I was hit full force by the beam, and there was a bright flash. Even though I was still level 36,
Kite: *sniffle* They grow up so fast
Excel: Maybe he should have spent some time training in the tall grass instead of eating people!
my trainer’s spirit had merged with mine, and had caused me to revert back to being a Charmander again!
Haruko: (Nate) God, why did I eat her?! I should've waited until AFTER I met my inexplicably reappearing rival! Now I've got cramps...
Gyarados moved her mouth over me, and it suddenly became dark as her mouth snapped shut.
All: Chew! Chew! Chew!
Before I could get a good hold on her tongue, she swallowed me whole.
Kite: Yes! YES! The end of nate the charizard! I've never been so happy to see a sexually charged eating sequence!
Haruko: Are you kidding? Remember that this is about his fursona. Some valkyrie with a horse wang is going to descend down and save him or something,
As I was pushed further and further into her throat, I became covered in saliva. Finally, I reached her stomach. I sat up in her acid,
Chiyo: (Nate) At this point I hadn't reacted to how HORRIBLY PAINFUL STOMACH ACIDS FEEL.
and realized that I could feel her moving through the water. Even more amazing, I realized that I was enjoying this!
*Excel begins to turn green again. Chiyo comforts her.*
Apparently, when I had eaten my master, I had gained her fetish for being eaten along with her spirit.
Kite: Well, good. I hope you gained her ability to die an agonizing, acidic death too, or I'll be sorely dissapointed.
And thanks to the Shadow Necklace, the stomach acid couldn’t digest me.
Kite: Oh god damnit, Haruko, give me your Rickenbacker, I'm going to blow my head off.
Haruko: Even if I wanted to see your head vaporized, I wouldn't let you touch my baby. Only Naota can do that.
I decided to do what humans call masturbation.
Haruko: -I- decided to do what humans, as well as my own species, call-
Excel: *throws up all over Chiyo, who is shrieking about uncleanliness*
Haruko: ....Yeah. That.
After this, I fell asleep. I sat in her stomach for at least a week, pondering what I should do next, masturbating at least three more times before the week was up. Finally, I felt the Gyarados stop. Figuring she was asleep, I decided if I was to escape, I had to do it now.
[Excel lies on the ground passed out, while Chiyo is running about in the back rows shrieking. Haruko and Kite ignore them]
Kite: How? Charizards -probably- can't swim.. Oh, wait. Yeah. Fursona. Can do anything.
I slowly but surely made my way back up her throat, it pulsating around me and making me spray seed into her throat.
Haruko: Okay, this had to be made with the intention of inversely feeling sorry for the Gyrados who has had her child eaten and then had her mouth sprayed with... Charizard juice. *Gags*
Kite: Please. Give me Casey Ray and Renamon back. Please.
As I made my way up, I again was being covered in saliva, and made it into her mouth when she woke up. She tried to shut her mouth, but I leaped out before she got her mouth shut.
Kite: (Nate) Gepetto was shaking in my arms, but I assured him everything would be fine.
I stood up in the shallows, and at that time the effects of Blastoise’s machine wore off, reverting me back to my Charizard self.
Haruko: Pity it didn't revert you back to a madman's imagination.
I walked up to a sign in the middle of the town after washing myself off, and discovered I was in a town by the name of Pallet.
Kite: (Nate) It was then I decided that this lemon would most certainly not be complete without me getting it on with Professor Oak.
Haruko: (Oak) You're definitly getting to borrow a pokedex, if you know what I mean big boy~!
I wandered north a ways, and found a town named Viridian City. There, I met a man who taught me how to Fly in place of my Arial Ace,
Kite: The old man tried to stop him because he didn't have his morning coffe, but Nate just stepped on him.
and when he was done, I took off into the sky and looked for a mountain to make my home.
Haruko: (Nate) So yeah, pretty much nothing happened throughout that trip. I have absolutely no idea why I described going through those two towns.
I saw one a ways off, and flew there and landed. There was a Poke Center right outside of the mountain, and scared the nurse there half to death when I asked her to heal me.
Haruko: (Nurse Joy) Oh my GOD!!! It's a pokemon, I thought they were just urban legends!
She did when she came back to. I went into the mountain, which was named Mt. Moon.
Kite: (Nate) See? It does have something to do with the games other than aiding my lack of creativity by allowing me to cut and paste names onto established characters!
Haruko: Hey, calm down. No reason to smash the author.
I have since made a cave for myself, and made money working at the Center outside of the Mountain. I have a T.V, computer, and an art studio.
Haruko: (Nate) Sure, some people call it a "Basement," but they just have no taste in art.
I even flew back to my home island and got all of my partner’s old furniture.
Kite: (Nate) She won't be needing these anymore.. Being dead and all!
The house was actually sold right after I moved the old stuff out,
Haruko: So he basically busted into a house that he killed someone in and took the furniture from the new owners?
Kite: To be fair, there was really no real estate agent, so whoever "bought it" were probably hobo squatters.
and now spend my time writing stories and making drawings of myself and others in predatory and prey comics and pictures with the money from the sale.
Kite: (Nate) Can you believe it?! People actually PAY for this crap!
Now that you know my story, I hope you are less freaked out by the fact of a talking and communicating Charizard, and will anxiously await my stories and art of vore!
Kite and Haruko: Oh god, MORE?!
Enjoy!
Kite: Haha.. Noooo thanks, Nate. Not gonna happen.
Haruko: Not until Ilpalazzo inevitably demands we watch it under punishment of death.
Kite: Well yeah... But even then, I seriously doubt that any "enoyment" will come of that!
[Kite and Haruko pause... And realize it's over. And that Chiyo is still covered in puke running around like she's caught fire, and Excel is passed out drooling on the floor face first]
Kite:...We really need some different cast members for this adult stuff.
[The safety light blinks on. Haruko carries Excel out of the theater while kite throws a net on top of Chiyo and drags her out kicking and screaming]
-------
[Back in ACROSS sewer headquarters, Ilpalazzo is sitting by himself. His arm breaches from his incredibly bulky cloak and sits on the armrest as he leans on it... Thinking to himself]
Ilpalazzo: Maybe this is a waste of time. Maybe instead of trapping two cretins, a beautiful alien woman, and an even bigger blonde cretin in a theater was not the best way to go about conquering this city. The data is useful. It shows not only that the people of this world are corrupt enough to write such drivel, but they are also are strong enough to sit through it. with sanity intact. Perhapes I should do other things.. Offer humanitarian aid. Create large faceless corporations and monopoly various industries. Enslave the people of the world city by city with hypnotic cybertechnocollars. Maybe I should..
[Ilpalazzo flickers on his viewscreen and views Excel hanging from the ceiling of the theater lobby like a pinata, as well as Chiyo still covered in throwup hanging in her net beside her, thrashing like a mad animal. Kite walks onto the screen holding what appears to be a massive firehose]
Kite: Okay you guys. Get ready! One.. Two.. Three!
[Haruko turns the hose on offscreen, and a torrent of water explodes from it, blasting Chiyo clean and assumably waking up excel, but also propelling them both through a wall]
Kite:...oops.
[Ilpalazzo turns off the viewscreen and sighs a little.. SHaking his head. But he is smiling. He speaks out loud:]
Ilpalazzo: On second thought.. At the very least, this is somewhat entertaining.
***END***