Prince Of Tennis Fan Fiction ❯ Ghost of the Past ❯ Chapter/Parts: 1 through 5 ( Chapter 5 )

Ghost of the Past: Chapters 1 - 5

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It was so long ago, amplified by the accelerated speed at which children can grow up and mature. With the second fact added, not only did it seem long ago, it seemed like an eternity had passed. All the ways back then they were both just silly kids, one perhaps sillier than the other. Both of them were too young to understand the weight of silly promises, but both had been determined to hold true to their words. They made a promise to each other, one promise in exchange for another. Even though they were silly kids, their intent on keeping their part of the promise was gravely serious.

And so, so many summers ago, Tezuka stopped smiling.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Tezuka," Ooishi called out to the buchou, trying to catch up with him after practice. "What are you doing this weekend?"

Tezuka only gave Ooishi a blank look in response. He had done the same thing for the first weekend of summer every year since <I>that time</I>. Ooishi should know this by now, really.

"Oh…" Ooishi sighed quietly. There were things about this silent man he would never understand. "You can't still be thinking about her?" he asked gently, knowing the subject was touchy, even after so long. "People will think you're a pedophile if they find out," he said, trying to joke.

"Ooishi…" Tezuka said giving him a hard look, "Don't worry about this." He'd let Ooishi do the worrying about anything else, just this topic was something he wanted everyone else to leave alone. This was private; this was painful and bittersweet, and meant for the heart and mind of Tezuka alone.

Left alone, Tezuka walked home by himself and let himself in to a large, empty house. He was too young to remember the date exactly, but it was the first weekend of summer. Just a week before that, the last weekend of spring, <I>she</I> had gone under the knife. He was too young to remember what she went under the knife for, too young to know how to ask, even. Whatever it was, she disappeared from his life exactly a week after the operation. That day he had gone to visit, only to find her hospital bed empty, was the first weekend of summer.

Coincidentally, the first weekend of every summer was also the board meeting his grandfather had to attend every year since he taught judo for the police force. When Kunimitsu was just a little Tezuka, his mother had stayed home with him. Now that he was grown up, Grandfather and his parents attended the meeting together out of town and left the teenage Tezuka to take care of the house.

He left the doors leading from the front entrance of his house to his bedroom unlocked, though closed. Due to the coincidences, the first weekend of summer was when he used to feel most alone. That was, until she came back. For the past two years she'd visited him in this fashion, and so it became fine practice to leave the way open to his room for her to enter.

Tezuka then sat down at his desk and picked up the Ed McBane novel he'd been working on. Normally, Tezuka was accustomed to focusing on one thing at a time. This was the rare occasion, however, that he had to focus on several things, and do them well, all at once: reading, watching, and waiting. Waiting was the worse part.

But it paid off.

Almost as soon as he saw a hint of shadow, Tezuka turned around in his chair. The figure before him jumped, seemingly startled, and made for an attempt to run. Even from the shadows of the backside so changed after so many years, Tezuka could recognize this was the person he longed to see. He reached out and wrapped his arms around the slender waist, burying his face into that small back.

<I>Tezuka…</I>

"Don't go," he said firmly in the same voice and tone he'd used on so many occasions to give instructions to his teammates. There was only something a little different; these words became gentler upon being touching the warm backside Tezuka's lips were pressed against.

<I>Reading again?</I>

"Yes."

<I>…Let me go?</I>

"No," he paused and waited for a response. He recalled the first McBane novel he had read years before and those words in there haunted him: <I>Here today, gone tomorrow.</I> He'd lost this person once; he wasn't going to let go. "Here today…" he began.

<I>-Gone tomorrow. I know.</I> And there came a smile. Even though Tezuka was holding on to the backside of his love, he was sure there was a smile.

"Then…"

<I>I know, I know. I'm not going anywhere -now let go.</I>

Tezuka sighed and breathed in the smell of the smaller body he was holding onto before he sat back, loosening his hold. His arms were still firmly encircled around the well-figured waist, but the embrace, which in every way conveyed that Tezuka was needy, loosened.

The person that Tezuka held so dear even after all these years, and so changed, turned around to face him. It took a little squirm to readjust, but that was a movement that Tezuka loved. Every way this one moved was something that Tezuka loved.

With the person now facing him, and Tezuka still in the chair, he could bury his face into the warmth of a chest that held a heartbeat like his own. This he did, and listened carefully to the beating, listening for a sign that this person felt the same way about him. He found what he wanted -an awkward skip, like a skitter or a flutter, that matched his own heart's beating.

A hand reached hesitantly behind Tezuka's head, combed lightly through his hair before resting on the back of his neck. Another trembling hand joined in a repeated motion and sealed the embrace around Tezuka. Both persons then held still, both thinking about how awkward this all was.

~~~End Part One~~~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The two met years ago, when Tezuka was in second grade of elementary and she was in first grade. Given they were from the same area and of the same age, it wouldn't be strange that they met at school. That was the strange part -they met outside a Children's Hospital. The Children's Hospital was a bit of a ways from their neighborhoods, situated on a hill, surrounded by a decent piece of land that, before reaching the river, belonged to the hospital.

A clear river ran beyond the hedges of the hospital and disappeared somewhere into the town below the hill. Tezuka had made a few fishing trips there as a kid. He had always noticed that, for onlookers, the Children's Hospital looked like a weekend retreat, but for the kids looking out from the gray windows, the hospital was a prison. It was in this prison that he noticed the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen.

Actually, the small girl had approached him as he was fishing. She had ran down the hill and toward the river, crawled through the bushes of the hedge, and popped out right behind him asking "WHERE'D IT GO???" Just as soon as she said those words, a ball splashed into the water and scared away all the fish. Tezuka had turned and glared at her, rather annoyed.

She blushed and nodded her head in a tomboyish bow to apologize. Then, to Tezuka's greater dismay, she waded into the waters to retrieve the ball.

"You're scaring away all the fish," Tezuka said, wondering why the hell this ditz had to drop her ball into his piece of the river.

"I-I'll be right out!" she squeaked, tensing up in nervousness, and splashed around even more trying to speed up looking for the ball.

"Get out of the water," he growled, trying to reach and grab her.

"I've almost got it."

"KIKU! What are you doing? Get out of the water or you'll catch your death!!" a voice screamed in horror. A nurse came dashing up to the river and yanked the girl out of the waters. "What is it with you? I told you not to go beyond the hedges!"

"B-but the ball…"

"OH MY GOODNESS you're all SOAKED!!" the nurse cried out loudly. With that, she scooped up the small girl and carried her back to the hospital.

"Who was just here, Mitsu-chan?" the mother asked when she came back and saw Tezuka standing up and looking off into the distance instead of waiting for a fish to bite on his fishing line.

"I don't know…"

"I hope you said hi," the mother said as she smiled and knelt down next to her son. "The kids here are all nice children… they're just …less fortunate," she sighed shaking her head sadly.

"Less…?" he blinked.

"That's a hospital up there. Really sick kids get to stay here so they get run around and get some fresh air to help their bodies recover."

"Will they be okay?"

"Yes," after a pause the mother answered smiling, "They'll all be just fine."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Hi~~ I'm sorry about last time," the girl popped up suddenly behind Tezuka as he was fishing -again.

"You talk too loud," he said flatly.

"Hey, whacha doing?" she asked, but was looking at something in the trees, which was also the reason why she didn't seem to notice the comment about her volume.

"Fishing."

"Is it fun?"

"It means you be quiet or you scare away the fish," he snarled quietly, turning around to face her. That's when he saw the smile, and he blushed, so much that he thought he would start bleeding out his nose.

"Are you ill, too?" she blinked at him, then knelt down and put her face up close to his and felt his forehead. "You look like you have a fever. I'll go tell the nurse -she can make you better."

He grabbed the hand touching him firmly by the wrist and flung it away.

"My name's Kiku -people call me Kiku," she said, still smiling. "Who are you?"

"I don't go here," he said pointing at the hospital. He wanted to end the conversation there, for he had to pack up his fishing equipment soon and head home, then head to tennis. Something held him back, however, and he didn't want to leave. Tezuka knows now that it was the smile, but at the time he could only guess maybe it was because his mother had told him to be nice to these <I>less fortunate</I> kids.

The girl was still kneeling, as though waiting for an answer.

"I'm Tezuka," he said finally, blushing again. Then he looked at her face and noticed she wasn't even listening; she was staring up the tree again. He followed where her eyes seemed to go and saw a nest in the trees. He sighed and got up, packing up his stuff.

"Where are you going?" she asked, as soon as she saw him moving.

"Home."

"Will you be back?"

He thought about it for a while, not knowing if she meant whether he would come back to fish or come back to talk with her. He nodded to himself, "Kiku…" repeating the name so he would remember it, and smiled, "I'll be here every weekend."

And she seemed to absolutely beam.

~~~End Part Two~~~

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After a while Tezuka had begun to visit Kiku on days other than just the weekend, when he could make time for it. His parents were glad to see him make a friend there and, knowing he was a responsible kid and the staff at the hospital would help watch after him, they left him alone to play. Then fall, the season he'd met her, turned to winter, when he spent time reading to her, and turned to spring.

By then the two were fairly well acquainted and Tezuka knew almost everything about her. Through conversation -mostly with Kiku doing all the talking -he learned that they were the same age. She was supposed to be in the third grade with him now, but due to the days she's missed of school because of illness, she got held back. He knew things like, she was the youngest of a family of five -a complete opposite from him, where he was the only child of… well -one.

Kiku was loud and energetic while Tezuka was quiet and reserved. Kiku loved being around people and being the center of attention, but Tezuka preferred the quiet. Where Kiku was more rash, Tezuka was pensive and carefully considered both words and actions. They were complete opposites, and perhaps that's why they went together so well. They had even picked "opposite colors" on Christmas as their favorite color; Kiku took red to be her favorite while Tezuka, then, was left with green.

There was something they shared, however, for he also knew her, perhaps, biggest secret. He learned many things during some cold days of winter when they huddled together under a blanket reading up on history and mythology together. During the winter Tezuka had learned that Kiku was not a first name. Kiku wasn't even a whole surname. And Kiku… was not a girl at all.** They shared one thing in common -both were boys.

There was something else that he learned, too. Tezuka learned that he wasn't too young to fall in love after all. It didn't matter what gender the other was, he simply wanted to be with her, even though she was actually a he. At the time, and even now, there was nothing more he wanted to see than the way she smiled, pouted, moved -everything. He wondered at the time if he could marry her, even though she wasn't a girl, and maybe they'd be together forever.

Then came the last weekend of spring and the very spunky, hyperactive, always-smiling Kiku became a really quiet and frightened one. She had hugged Tezuka's arm to herself and buried her… well -his -face in Tezuka's shoulder and cried. And then he cried, and cried some more, all the while shivering from fright.

Tezuka didn't know what to do, and all he could do was pat Kiku on the head. He couldn't think of anything to say so he kept quiet.

When Kiku finally calmed down, he squeaked in a hoarse and quiet voice, "I'm really scared."

Tezuka closed his eyes and lowered his head in thought. Gently he whispered back the words, "Me too."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want my family to worry about me… so I couldn't… go to them," he hiccupped, "and I couldn't tell the nurse I was scared… or she'll tell my sisters…"

"Kikumaru," Tezuka said, as that was what he alone could know to call Kiku now, and he used it every chance he got since it was such a trophy to him. "Promise me, then…" he paused. Knowing how easily distracted Kikumaru could be, he gingerly lifted Kikumaru's face up and met his gaze. "Promise me that you'll come to me when you're scared. You won't have to share your tears with anyone else but me. I'll keep it a secret for you if you don't want your family to know."

"Nya?" Kikumaru made an inquisitive noise, but squeaked back on a sob and it came out like a kitty-noise.

"Give me your tears," Tezuka said, brushing aside the red hair that was matted to Kikumaru's forehead and face. "Promise you don't share them with anyone else."

"Then -then what'll you give <I>me</I>?"

Tezuka considered this for a moment and smiled, "My smile. I won't smile for anyone else but you."

"Deal," Kikumaru smiled a great, warm smile -and if he had a tail, it'd be wagging. Though, if he understood the weight of these words at the time, he might've changed his mind right away and tried to convince Tezuka otherwise as well.

"I'll be playing an important game tomorrow."

"Nya~" his exclamation came out resembling a kitty-noise again because his throat was dry and raspy, "Tennis, right? If I get better, I'm going to play to! You think we'll play on the same team?" Kikumaru tried to sound bright and chipper like his usual self, but couldn't help but choke on a sob. He was a kid, a small kid, and he was a very scared small kid. "Do you think… I'll be able to get better?"

"You have to," Tezuka said, without even having to think this time. "I'll be fighting tomorrow. I will play for the both of us, since you can't play yet. You will fight, too, and you'll play tennis with me when you get well."

When Kikumaru went under the knife, then, Tezuka went off to win his game -and secured his status as <I>genius</I> and <I>champion</I>. Even though he was only in elementary, it was already obvious what his potential could be and what it was he would become. He begged his parents to take him to the Children's Hospital outside of town that night after the game. Before the car even came to a complete stop, he ran out of the vehicle and into the building, running right up to the front desk and asking to see Kikumaru.

Kiku had just finished being operated on, she was not taking any visitors. Tezuka was instructed to return in about a week, after Kiku had been given some time to recover. It was just as well, because Tezuka had been signed off to go on a camp for talented kids to play some serious tennis. He would be away for five days and not return until the first weekend of summer.

~~~End Part Three~~~

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"When I came back, you were gone."

"It wasn't my fault, nya," Eiji argued in a light tone, trying to ease whatever tension was drifting in the room. "They moved me to another hospital."

"I looked for you," Tezuka remarked, holding Eiji closer and tighter now.

"Nngh…!" Eiji gasped for air and tried to squirm away, "But you did find me -and you wouldn't say hi. Mm-nya! I can't breath!"

Tezuka loosened his hold again, but didn't let go. He only nodded his head, unable to argue with Eiji. Indeed, he had seen this "Kiku" about a year after "her" operation, this time running around as a healthy young boy. Tezuka had wanted to say hi, but he was scared… he had a year to think about his feelings and now that Eiji was free to live the life of a boy, would he still feel the same way about Tezuka? Bearing that question, Tezuka had walked away -and they didn't speak again until junior high.

Actually, they still didn't talk -not in front of everyone. There was too much that they needed to hide. One of the things that needed hiding was guilt, and it was this guilt that kept the two from even looking at each other much. The guilt was from knowing they'd denied knowing each other, as in love as they were, just like how one of the Apostles denied knowing Jesus to escape Roman soldiers. These two needed to escape the mercilessness of society.

"You're acting weird today, nya," Eiji said teasingly, removing Tezuka's glasses to get a better look into his eyes. "What is it?"

"What if I lost you?" Tezuka asked, referring to the operation. He had seriously thought Kiku died those summers ago.

Eiji got quiet and after a moment mumbled, "I thought I'd lost <I>you</I>… When I finally recovered I wanted to play tennis with you, but you were so strong… I tried my best and best and couldn't catch up. I thought because of that, we would grow more distant…" he turned the subject to tennis, not liking how Tezuka treated this day like a day of mourning.

"You play well, Eiji." Tezuka caught on to Eiji's changing the subject. He figured Eiji, or anybody, would've felt unnerved if someone treated them like they'd died and then come back. He knew Eiji didn't see himself as such, but Tezuka had felt the loss like that of losing a loved one to death or illness and it continually haunts him.

Red hair bobbed up and down and sideways as Eiji shook his head, "Not good enough to go against you. I guess I'll never fully recover with whatever I was sick with, so… my stamina will always be like this. I can't play you, you'll wipe me out in two seconds flat. And I can't play <I>with</I> you, or I'll just get in your way," he smiled weakly, worried it might've sounded too much like he wanted Tezuka to feel sorry for him. Eiji certainly didn't feel sorry for himself; the operation went as well as operations could go, he supposed, and he made a wonderful recovery considering how he was now able to bounce around the way he could.

"You play <I>for</I> me."

"Yep! Just like how you used to…" here, Eiji cut himself off and gripped Tezuka's left shoulder firmly. There was something he knew, and Tezuka knew, that no one else would ever find out… and it's always bothered Eiji ever since it happened years ago.

"Eiji?"

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have."

"I've said this countless times, Eiji: it was not your fault," Tezuka said in an as-matter-of-fact tone.

Soft strands of red hair brushed against Tezuka's face as Eiji leaned down and kissed his buchou on the shoulder.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"How long have you known that nest was up there?"

"Eh? I didn't notice it until the first time I ran into you."

"You're always looking at it even when you're talking to me."

"There was something moving in it still last week… Do you think they flew away?"

Tezuka looked at Kiku, then up at the nest she pointed out, then back at Kiku. He sighed and started for the tree, carefully climbing it to reach the nest. It's true he carefully considered most -if not all -his words and actions, this was no exception. Though it might seem crazy and spontaneous that he decided to climb the tree, Tezuka had given it thought. And what he thought was maybe if he could show Kiku what was in the nest, he could see another one of those big, bright smiles that made his heart skip like crazy.

"Don't! Tezuka-kun! It's too high!"

Whether or not Tezuka had heard Kiku probably wouldn't have made a difference; he was intent on getting up to the nest. For Kiku, it might've been high, because she was a girl (at this time Tezuka hadn't learned that she was a boy), and girls shouldn't be climbing trees. Tree-climbing just wasn't a very lady-like thing to do. When Tezuka paused to think about it, though, there were certain things about Kiku that were just not lady-like at all. There was a really boyish quality to her; maybe that's what they call tomboys -Kiku was definitely a tomboy.

"Ne -Tezuka-kun!" Kiku called worriedly at the base of the tree. "Come back down!"

"Here," Tezuka called down to Kiku, waving one hand, "Catch." He threw a couple of blue-teal eggshells down to the girl saying, "It looks like they've already flew away. That's all I could find and a couple of feathers."

Kiku reached and caught the egg shells carefully and gasped, "Wow…" She took a quick second to examine the eggshells and then looked up at Tezuka and rewarded him with that brilliant smile of hers.

Tezuka smiled to himself, blushing at how absolutely cute the smile was. His heart skipped a heavy thump like he'd expected it to. Happy with his reward, Tezuka proceeded to getting down from the tree. It probably would've been an easy task if the smile he saw didn't make all the blood rush to his face and head. Be it the smile, or maybe a heat stroke from having sat in the sun too long waiting for fish, Tezuka felt a dizzy spell as he got up. Stumbling sideways in the large branch, he'd lost his footing… and fell.

And he fell, and fell. And he crashed into a branch before crashing to the ground. He landed on his left side, crushing his left arm underneath his own weight. Upon hitting the ground, he felt a hot burst of pain in his left shoulder, and he screamed from the pain and curled up in agony.

"Tezuka-kun!!" Kiku screamed and flew to his side. "S-somebody…" she gasped and panicked, then cried as loudly as her small body would allow her to project, "SOMEBODY HELP!!!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~~~End Part Four~~~

"You didn't run away this year."

"You actually caught me this time," Eiji replied with a teasing smile.

After a pause and a thought, Tezuka said, "You weren't running as fast this time."

Eiji stared off at the shelf, wondering at what some of those English titles said.

"Why did you come?"

"Nya?" Eiji blinked and looked down at the top of Tezuka's head, since Tezuka's face was pressed to his chest. "You left your doors unlocked. I thought I should tell you -that you left them unlocked, and that it isn't safe."

"So you ran when I turned around?"

"That story doesn't make much sense, does it?" Eiji admitted sheepishly after a pause.

"I missed you."

"You saw me all day," Eiji laughed.

"Do you know what it's like? Not talking to you all day even though you're right there?"

They paused and there was a long moment of odd silence.

Eiji kissed Tezuka again on the shoulder and knelt down slightly so he could rest his head there. It was an awkward way to stand, and Tezuka shrugged Eiji's head away before standing up. To most people who notice these things, it was a bit of a wonder how Eiji, who was constantly bouncing around, was shorter than Tezuka, who stood still most of the time. Anyone who knew their past, however, would've known that Eiji wasn't going to get much taller. As a matter of fact, Eiji wasn't even supposed to be as tall as he was now, and that he was probably going to grow a bit more was an even greater wonder.

Having known Tezuka for so long, Eiji realized the gesture that pushed him away wasn't meant to be offensive, but he could still feel a tug in his heart. Words sometimes didn't mean enough. Just because Tezuka <I>said</I> it wasn't Eiji's fault didn't mean Tezuka wasn't blaming Eiji for the injury to his shoulder.

"Come here," Tezuka tried to sound gentle as he pulled Eiji towards the bed with him, but it sounded more like an instruction.

Eiji giggled, "You don't stop being buchou even after practice."

Tezuka's brows furrowed, just a little deeper than the way they usually were.

Being the hyper sensitive person he was, and knowing Tezuka so well on top of that, Eiji frowned, "Don't get upset."

It only took a couple of short steps to reach the bed, and Tezuka sat down on it and pulled Eiji to himself, "I'm not." He tugged on both of Eiji's arms and moved them so they wrapped around Tezuka's shoulders.

Eiji didn't protest and he let Tezuka do what he would with him. He stood before Tezuka at the side of the bed and stared out the window at something that moved. He only winced a little as he felt Tezuka lifting his shirt to lick at the skin underneath. Times like these were when Eiji most needed to find a source of distraction. If he let himself focus just the slightest on what was being done, his body would explode.

"I did it for you," Tezuka said, pushing Eiji's shirt up as he kiss the stomach, then to the chest. The arms around his shoulders stopped him from removing Eiji's shirt completely though. "Move your arms," he instructed, slightly flustered.

"Mm…" Eiji glanced around at every shadow that moved and followed every sound he could catch. Despite all the distractions he was giving himself, he couldn't stop his body from shuddering, indulging in the pleasure that was Tezuka's soft kisses.

Before either of them really took notice of it, Eiji had been pushed down onto the bed. There the redhead lied on his back, with Tezuka crawling over him. Both of them thought hard about stopping each other, both thought how this wasn't right. The harder they thought, however, the more they rationalized, and neither stopped the other. Tezuka worked at removing all of Eiji's clothes, lifting and moving Eiji's limbs as was necessary.

"I'm not a toy…" Eiji said quietly after having just finished pursuing a sound he'd heard from the streets outside.

<I>SLAP</I>

"Ggh!" Eiji gasped in shock.

"Do not make that kind of judgment about my character," Tezuka hissed, apparently upset.

Eiji slapped him back, and for the first time was at a loss for words.

Seeing that Tezuka was raising his arm in another gesture to slap him, Eiji squeezed his eyes shut. But it didn't come. Eiji wondered if Tezuka was waiting for him to open his eyes before he would slap him, the sadistic bastard. Half curious mostly frightened, Eiji opened his eyes to see what would happen. Eyes opened, he found Tezuka staring hard at him, both hands gripping the sheets tightly on either side of Eiji. Eiji could read every change in Tezuka's expression -this was one of deep sorrow and sadness.

"T-Tezuka…?" he was afraid to speak, in case it would incite Tezuka again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" Tezuka felt his heart wrenching. He couldn't figure out which hurt more: the words Eiji so insensitively delivered like a knife to his heart, or how much he hated himself for striking the redhead.

"You're scared…" Eiji said in awe after another moment of silence. He then smiled, "You're just as scared as me," he reached and touched Tezuka's shoulder, "You're really tense."

"I guess I am," he nodded; the corner of his mouth moved and Eiji could recognize it was a smile. Tezuka removed the rest of Eiji's clothes and began kissing him softly on the collar and caressing the rest of that slender body with both hands. He couldn't believe he'd waited his whole life to do this.

Eiji squirmed, not yet having completely grasped the situation. Maybe if he understood what the burning, tingly sensation all over his body meant, he would've run away. Then again, maybe he would stay, because he understood the consequences. The consequence was that it would only hurt more from now on when they have to look away from each other. But for this one moment he was willing to stake any and every thing.

~~~End Part Five~~~