Prince Of Tennis Fan Fiction ❯ Hole ❯ Hole ( Chapter 1 )

Hole

 

By Yanagi-sen

Prince of Tennis songfic

 

Usual warnings apply; characters aren't mine, yadda yadda yadda… Oh and the song is “Hole” by Kelly Clarkson.

Warnings: angst, post-series

 

 

 

Tired

Of everything around me

I smile

But I don't feel a thing no

 

At first, he smiled because it threw everyone off. It made him seem… mysterious, enigmatic, unfathomable… it put a bit of a barrier between HIM and THEM. And it was fun. It was fun watching them squirm a bit. They also tended to underestimate him and that led to all sorts of entertainment.

 

Why did he have to go to such great lengths to find amusement? Truthfully, in general life bored him. He wasn't called a tensai for nothing. His parents, when they bothered to express an interest in his general well-being, had dutifully tried to get him into the best kindergarten, the best elementary. When their home prefecture failed to live up to THEIR exacting specifications concerning junior high, they moved to Tokyo… but that was where they lost him a bit.

 

Seigaku had been their plan for junior high, but no farther than that. No, Shuusuke was supposed to go elsewhere for high school. It was the first time he'd put his foot down. They too had fallen beneath the power of his smile; that disarming, irresistible, artificial smile that meant nothing at all.

 

I'm so far from where I need to be

I've given up on faith, on everything

All I want, all I need

Is some peace

 

They had fallen beneath his smile, like nearly everyone else in his world. He didn't know why they bothered, they were never home anymore. At times he didn't know why they didn't just sell the house. Yuuta was in a dorm. Yumiko was itching to get her own place. But he supposed it was STATUS. It was a symbol that his father was successful, that his mother had her place in the world… too bad hardly anyone ever saw it.

 

He was a tensai, in both school and tennis. He didn't tell the others that his nickname was originally because he was so good in classes. Having an eidetic memory was a big help after all. He read the lesson or saw it once… and that was all he needed, he had the information. Homework, review, study past an initial read through, was a pointless waste of his time. And Shuusuke hated to waste time, not when he could be doing something much more amusing. That was why tennis became so interesting for him. First of all, the physical component was a challenge. Even as he got older, he stayed small and delicate; it was a challenge to face off against someone taller, stronger, more powerful… and defeat them. The mental component was also fun, he discovered that very quickly. His opponents were as disarmed by his smiling countenance as his classmates and teachers. The thrill he got when he suddenly crushed them was… intoxicating.

 

But off the court… off the court he was bored again. And he didn't know where he was going.

 

There's a hole

Inside of me

It's so cold

Slowly killing me

 

He watched as the others gradually found people to share time with. He watched as they found girlfriends, or boyfriends, or each other. He tried to follow suit. But no one seemed right, no one clicked. He'd date someone and then like with almost everything else in his life, he grew bored of them and broke it off. Or they broke it off. It was about a fifty-fifty chance either way. The last one, a girl this time, had complained that he never let anyone in. He seemed so pleasant on the outside but there was nothing past that shell.

 

He had simply smiled and walked away. It wasn't like she hadn't told him anything he hadn't heard before, in ways both kinder and crueler.

 

Secrets

Eating at the core of me

Shut off

Trusting all the lies I breathe

 

He knew there was something wrong with him. He'd known it ever since he was about seven years old. He could be trite and blame it all on his missing parents, but honestly what could he have learned from them anyway? His father had been largely absent ever since he was ten and his mother had joined her husband's world-hopping exploits when he was about fourteen. Yumiko had tried to make up for it, she was a great sister. They had both tried to make sure Yuuta hadn't lacked for caring and affection. It seemed like they had at least succeeded on that front, Yuuta for all his teen angst was a much more social creature than Shuusuke himself was.

 

No, it really wasn't family that was to blame. It was himself. There was something off about himself that kept him from feeling and understanding the way others did. People called him a sadist… in a way he supposed he was. He'd acquired a bit of a reputation that unfortunately had followed him out into the world. It had caused him a lot of trouble, attracting the wrong kind of attention and the wrong kind of relationships. That mess was still not entirely sorted out. But he would never breathe a word of it to his closest friends. They didn't need to know.

 

No one needed ever know…

 

I'm so far from where I need to be

I've given up on faith, on everything

All I wanted, all I needed

Was some peace

 

He'd destroyed his parents carefully rehearsed plans for his life. He was actually a bit surprised he hadn't been disowned and thrown out of the house. He was `supposed' to be a lawyer, or businessman, or maybe even a doctor; something grand, something `respectable', something that would bring him a lot of money and prestige. HE chose his second love, photography. First love was tennis of course, but even being a tensai couldn't make up for his delicate nature and a pro-career just wasn't likely. Fuji Shuusuke wouldn't stand for anything less than first, so tennis was relegated to a hobby, a weekend pastime, and the occasional local tournament. He hadn't even joined the university team. Photography was his second love, the camera his lover. He LIKED being behind the lens, seeing slices of the world in 1/125th of a second. There was a thrill in getting THAT shot. THAT moment in time that could never be duplicated again. That at least never bored him.

 

So he'd pursued the one thing his parents had adamantly disliked, the arts. Oh, they LIKED the arts well enough, but that wasn't the appropriate career for their eldest son. He was sure they still thought his bisexuality was a phase too; and that he would eventually settle down with some nice, dutiful, well-bred Japanese girl and dutifully produce an heir to the throne. Not bloody likely. He like kids well enough… OTHER PEOPLE'S kids. In small doses. He liked to take them someplace fun, hype them up on sugar, and send them back to their poor beleaguered parents. But kids of his own… never in a million years.

 

He'd done the unthinkable in his parents' eyes; he'd taken the reins of his life in his own hands. Really, why should they be surprised? They hadn't been around anyway.

 

There's a hole

Inside of me

It's so damn cold

Slowly killing me

 

Admittedly, he was envious of some of his friends' families. Take Eiji for instance. The Kikumaru family was just so… loud, and boisterous, and all crammed into that small house and just so THERE. And surrounded by love. You could feel it, as soon as you walked in the door and called out `okaeri', someone else, or more than one would reply, `tadaima'. Shuusuke didn't get that at home. The Fuji house was beautiful, but cold and impersonal. The Kikumaru's house was a little ragged, a little worn, but cheerful and inviting.

 

Taka's family was similar. He'd done as he promised and given up competitive tennis after junior high. But his father had still welcomed the team in after every championship, for birthdays and graduation parties and any celebration they could think of. And he had thrown Taka out the door when they'd come by begging for a game of street tennis. Taka's kind nature was a marvelous gift from his parents.

 

Even Echizen's father, perv that he was, had cared for his son. It was a kind of deluded and fumbling type of love, but they had moved all over the world for Ryoma, to better his tennis.

 

What did Shuusuke get? A cold house, an absent family, and no one who really could guide him the way he probably needed it. A lot of mistakes could have been avoided if someone had been home on occasion.

 

Sinking ever so slowly

So far from where I should be

No hands reaching out for me

Help me, help me

 

Some days he felt like he was just barely treading water. The mask was so ingrained by now, he couldn't even drop it himself to let his friends know something was wrong. There were only three people besides his siblings who had ever been able to see through the mask.

 

Saeki was away in America studying international business. He didn't begrudge his best childhood friend his good fortune. It was a great opportunity and he knew his friend would make the most of it.

 

Kunimitsu… Tezuka… well he was part of the problem. He was going to make a very good lawyer. Shuusuke's memories were still bitter. He preferred not to think about his former buchou if he didn't have to. Too bad he saw him frequently on the courts. The wound was scabbed over but not healing.

 

Finally, Eiji… hyper, bouncy, excitable Eiji. His first friend at Seigaku. His best friend all through junior and high school. But he didn't get to see Eiji too often anymore, studies and part time jobs and projects… not to mention attending different colleges made it almost impossible to just bump into each other.

 

Which left Shuusuke alone in an empty house, flicking randomly through boring TV channels, half-eaten store bought bento gone cold on the kotatsu.

 

Something's gone

I can feel it

It's all wrong

I'm so sick of this

 

He finally tossed the remote on the table, picking at a loose thread on the zabuton he was sitting on. He didn't understand why his parents had insisted on traditional Japanese décor, they were never there anyway and a couch would have been easier on his back. He sighed and poked at the rice and left over tempura before pushing it away in disgust. Making a decision he got up and quickly tossed the remains of his dinner away before going upstairs.

 

He needed to get out. That's all there was too it. He was suffocating in the house, in his life. He needed a few hours of mindlessness, the kind he only found with flashy lighting, thumping music, and bodies writhing in the near dark. There was nothing important due Monday, he could afford to go clubbing for one night.

 

There's a hole

Inside of me

It's so cold

Slowly killing me

 

Leather pants, a short sleeved shirt only held by a couple of buttons, boots, choker and a couple other necklaces… everything black. Black was his mood for the night. Besides, it set off his pale skin, yes he was vain a bit, nothing on Atobe's level but then no one really WAS. Shuusuke grabbed his keys, cell and some yen before leaving.

 

And the house was silent yet again.

 

There's a hole

Inside of me

It's so damn cold

Slowly killing me

 

 

AN: Okay… I didn't think I'd write for PoT. Maybe I've been inspired by reading Andrea Readwolf's fics the last couple days. This is the beginning of an arc (hopefully). Shuusuke's outfit… think Hatsuharu from Fruits Basket. *drool* Talk about a hottie. Oh and as for his name… I know that you see `Syusuke' everywhere… but the kana `shi + yu' is used to represent the sound `shu', not `syu'. I can't bring myself to misspell it knowing how it is pronounced. *shrug* -YanNyan