Project A-Ko Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Vampire Hunter (Darkstalkers) Fan Fiction ❯ Nabiki 1/2 (A Very Scary Thought) ❯ Mousse Without Squirrel... ( Chapter 34 )

Nabiki 1/2

(A Very Scary Thought)

Written by Jim Robert Bader

Proofread by Shiva Barnwell

Based Upon the Altered Destinies Storyline

Inspired by the works of such fans as

Wade Tritshler

Richard Lawson

James Jones

And Many Others

Standard Disclaimer: This is inspired by the work of Takahashi Rumiko and is not my original creation. All characters belong to her. This is only a fanfictional work, and is not intended to compromise the rights of the original owners, distributors and publishers of the Ranma series. I have no money to spare and would very much appreciate if no one tries to sue me.

Perfume backed away at the sight of her worst nightmare come to life. Now, of all times, just as Great Grandmother was about to fulfill her promise to secure her future Airen, this clod from their past would show up to spoil everything, even if she had been wishing for just such an interruption.

She remembered a boy, slim and gangly, whom other boys picked on constantly until one day Perfume got angry with their behavior and came to his rescue. Perfume made the boys stop picking on Mousse, and from that day he was at her side, following her around like a puppy, trying to do nice things to please her--and usually failing. After a while he became quite a pest, but Perfume did not know how to make him leave her alone. When she began a rivalry with another girl from a different House, Mousse just kept getting in the way between them. That other girl was Shampoo, and because she and Perfume were constantly fighting, Mousse would take Perfume's side in matters, even though against Shampoo he had no hope of victory. Instead, he made Perfume look weak for having a man interfere in her battles.

Of course, he also prevented other children from learning her secret for several years longer than Perfume might have been able to keep up her ruse. Even Shampoo did not suspect the family shame that Perfume carried, up until the day when Mousse foolishly took off his glasses and clumsily stumbled into her, causing her a minor injury, which naturally gave the game away before almost the entire village.

To this day Perfume did not know why Cologne had looked past her weakness to see the potential within her, or why she agreed to accept Perfume as a replacement for The-One-Who-Was-Not-To-Be-Named, the exiled Cousin to Shampoo whose position she inherited when her own family renounced her. On that day, Perfume and Shampoo became cousins and mended their rift, ceased to be enemies and started learning to be friends. Mousse was not prepared for this change in their relationship, of course, and still wound up picking fights with Shampoo while trying to claim Perfume's affections.

He was always getting in their way, coming between her and Shampoo, often with the best of intentions yet never comprehending why his clumsy overtures always failed to win her over. At first he just wanted to be her friend, but then later tried to make it more than friendship, always giving her good cause not to like him. It was frustrating at times because in many ways he was a very nice boy. If he would only turn his blind affections on someone else it would have made everyone's lives so much happier.

Instead, she was most likely going to have to beat him up again, or--failing that inducement to leave her alone--kill him. Considering what he had just done to her adoptive Great Grandmother it most probably would be the latter.

It was not that she regretted having Ukyo for a life companion, but this way was somehow wrong, not the sort of method she would have chosen for herself. She knew somehow that Mousse had figured it all out with his usual uncanny sense for Cologne's more perfidious schemes, and she waited for him to inevitably give the game away, dreading inside how this would make her appear before Ukyo.

"I don't get it," Ukyo frowned, "What do you mean the old goat is deceiving us? Is there something in the fine print that I'm supposed to know about?"

"I'm surprised your clever friend over there hasn't already figured it out," Mousse smiled a somewhat superior smile, "Look beneath the document you were so foolishly about to sign."

Nabiki almost swore aloud, so chagrined was she at never having considered the possibility. She turned as Ukyo picked up the contract and found a sheet of carbon underneath it. With trembling fingers Ukyo lifted the sheet to expose another document underneath it, only this one written in Chinese.

Cologne sought to reclaim the incriminating sheet, but to her ample surprise Nabiki beat her to it. Nabiki held it up before Ukyo and began to read it silently, then hissed under her breath, "A Marriage contract?"

"Nani?" Ukyo whirled only to find Cologne was not staring at her but rather Mousse while Perfume's face was flush with embarrassment, staring down at the ground as though to will herself invisible.

"I don't understand?" Kuonji senior said in honest confusion, "What is this all about?"

Shampoo had already glanced over Nabiki's shoulder with a horrified expression while Mousse casually remarked, "I'm afraid there's a great deal more that's going on here, sir, than you've been let in upon. The particulars are not important, what matters is that I've come to claim my bride and put that old witch out to pasture."

"Your years away from home have made you reckless, Mu Tsu," Cologne replied calmly, "Did I not forbid you to approach my Great Grandchild after your last defeat? You have no claim on her, and Perfume already has another claimant."

"It is a farce!" Mousse snarled as he continued to advance, pointing at Ukyo, "This woman knows nothing of our culture or ways! She never openly challenged Perfume, as I have done repeatedly! She did not defeat her in battle, she simply ambushed her in a sneak attack as artless as it was unsuspecting!"

"Shampoo," Nabiki said, "Just who exactly is this guy, and why does he think Perfume belongs to him?"

"Him very stupid boy from village," Shampoo snorted, "Perfume-cousin no like! He think him only one good enough for Cousin, always chase her, never accept he loser."

"You be quiet," Mousse glared at Shampoo, "This has nothing to do with you, and you know I defeated her fairly on my last challenge!"

"Perfume no defeated by you!" Shampoo snarled, "She get hurt and fall in river, nearly drown! You too blind to help, it Shampoo who help Perfume to safety! You stupid, almost kill her!"

"I'd never hurt Perfume," Mousse said sincerely, taking an offensive stance, "You are another matter. You dare accuse me of nearly causing her harm? Who knocked her into one of the Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo?"

Ukyo was looking back and forth at these two as if unable to decide how she was going to take this. On the one hand she was overjoyed to know that Perfume had another suitor, one who obviously wanted her companionship, but on the other hand…there was something about this stranger that set her teeth on edge. Maybe it was the slightly wild edge in his voice, or maybe he just reminded her a little too much of Tsubasa.

And then there was Perfume herself, who had backed away almost to the other end of the restaurant with a look not quite of fear and revulsion but definitely not welcoming. How often had she worn the same face herself when Tsubasa kept after her, embarrassing her before other boys her age? It had gotten to be the joke around her old High School, another reason why she had been so eager to transfer. Whoever this Mousse character was he was definitely not welcome.

And yet the boy had just saved her from an awful mistake. It hardly mattered if Cologne's little prank might not be fully legal in a Japanese court, she could still have held it up for blackmail by threatening to expose it to her father! Ukyo would have been in a real bind then, having to explain to the old man how she had gotten herself entangled in these affairs in the first place. For that reason alone this Mousse character deserved a fair hearing.

"Ucchan," Nabiki suddenly hissed, "Take your father and get him out of here…now!"

She glanced at Nabiki, but the tone and expression her friend wore silenced her questions and made her realize the hint of danger in the air was escalating exponentially. The danger radiated from Mousse, but it was as nothing compared to the aura of danger that surrounded the now angry Cologne. It was no longer a question of whether a fight might break out but rather when.

So she turned and said, "Dad, get out of here--now!"

"What?" Kuonji senior asked, "But…?"

Ukyo wasted no time reaching her father's side and all but yanked him to his feet. Her father's Lawyer assisted her in this, of course, though mainly so that he could get up as well. Though her father at first resisted their urging him to leave he was quick to grasp that something very bad was about to occur. A fighter from the old school that he was it was against his instincts to leave, but considering the state of his health he knew that this was folly.

Nabiki watched them withdraw from immediate danger then calmly turned to Mousse and said, "I should thank you for saving us some trouble, and if you want to settle this with the old woman, don't let us stop you."

"That is very wise," Mousse said, "I have no quarrel with you, Tendo-san. In point of fact I might give my condolences for your own troubles in regard to the spoiled brat you must unfortunately call your Airen."

Shampoo bristled at being called a spoiled brat, but before she could say anything Ranma spoke up, "Hey! You can't talk to Shampoo like that!"

"Why not?" Mousse looked at Ranma as though he were a specimen in a jar, "And why should you care? Isn't she your rival for the hand of the woman you love…or should I use a less gender-specific term here? In either sense, Shampoo is a problem."

"I don't care about any of that!" Ranma defended, "I just don't like the way you're talking about her! It's not her fault some stupid law says she has to be married to Nabiki! It's not even Nabiki's fault…well, not really anyway…and like you said, it's none of your business!"

Mousse eyed Ranma with clear disdain, then turned his nose up and said, "My issue is not with any of the three of you. This is only between me and Perfume…and the Old woman if she makes it an issue."

"Feeling confident today, are we?" Cologne angled her staff in a way that looked menacing, "Think you've learned enough tricks to take on an Elder, sonny-boy?"

"If that elder insists on making herself a disgrace, then why should I mind?" Mousse folded his arms in his voluminous sleeves, "The secrets I have gleaned in my years abroad would astound and amaze you, old crone. Take your best shot if you think it will make any difference."

Cologne frowned as she regarded Mousse, obviously sensing something unexpected here. Mousse was too confident and poised not to be hiding something up his sleeve unexpected. She knew all of his old tricks, but there was always the chance that he had discovered something for which she had not prepared.

Very quietly she said, "Perfume, withdraw from here. I will find you later."

"No!" Mousse suddenly cried, "We settle the matter once and for all here!"

He turned his head slightly as he saw Perfume move away towards the exit, and in that moment Cologne sensed an opening and launched herself into an attack. Unfortunately for her Mousse proved less distracted than she imagined and pulled something out from concealment, thrusting it right at her.

"Surprise!" cried Happosai as he dangled at the end of Mousse arms.

"GAK!" Cologne cried out as she somehow halted herself in mid-leap, her eyes becoming as wide as silver dollars as she came face-to-face with the aged master.

"Miss me, Honeybunch?" Happosai grinned, "I can tell you're speechless…"

"H-Happy?" Cologne blinked, and then suddenly her eyes narrowed as she growled, "You old-PERVERT!"

She took a swing at him but hit Mousse on the forearm by mistake. Happosai had already moved beyond her reach and was bounding like a rubber ball, darting around Ranma and Nabiki to latch himself firmly on the chest of an astonished Shampoo.

"Howsa!" the old man cried happily as he fondled the surprised Amazon, "Now this is more like it!"

"Aiyiiii!" Shampoo cried as she fought to dislodge him, "Is Demon Happosai! Let go Shampoo! Cousin! Airen!"

"HEY, YOU OLD LECH!" Ranma and Nabiki cried together, then looked at each other, then back at Shampoo, who had finally managed to get Happosai to release her.

"You dare touch breasts of Amazon?" Shampoo cried in outrage, "Only Airen have right to do that! Die--!"

She tried to kick him but instead ran into Cologne's staff, which was thrust in her path. Cologne whirled around to face the ancient master and said, "This one is mine, Shampoo. We have unsettled business between us!"

"You want me?" Happosai grinned, "Come and get me, but first get a load of this!" and he waved a lacy brassier in one hand, earning an astonished look from Shampoo, who hugged herself with a disconcerted expression.

"Aiya!" she cried, "Is bra given Shampoo as gift from Airen-sister, Kasumi-san! Give back Shampoo…!"

"Shampoo?" Mousse looked at her in surprise, "Since when have you started wearing western-style lingerie?"

"Only just start," Shampoo said uneasily, "Is more comfortable than bra given by Great Grandmother in village…"

"My Great Grandchild has special needs, which need not concern you in the least," Cologne said to him levelly without taking her eyes off Happosai, "You have embarrassed my family for the last time, lecherous one! Three hundred years and you still have not learned your place! Prepare to make restitution for you numberless sins…"

"Do any of those sins match your trapping a young girl in the body of a man?" Happosai idly wondered, "Or forcing another lovely child into marriage that she did not herself invite? Exactly on what scale are we measuring the degree of our sins this time, hmmm? Don't forget, I remember you when you were still as fresh as a mountain daisy…"

"Idiot, I was never as innocent around you!" and with that she launched into an attack as Happosai charged her in a flying leap. The two seemed to collide and briefly exchange blows in mid-air before Happosai landed nimbly where Cologne had been standing a moment before and casually turned around.

Cologne did likewise, a very strange look on her face as she stared down at her chest where the brassier he had placed upon her now rested outside her Chinese robes. Somehow Happosai had even managed to fasten all the hooks and snaps right!

"There, doesn't that look just perfect on you?" Happosai smiled as he walked up to the stunned Cologne and patted her on the shoulder, "Sorta makes you feel two hundred and fifty years younger, eh? Well, that's enough fun for now. I think my young apprentice can handle things from here. I only stopped by to help this nice Chinese boy out. He seems harmless enough, and he only wanted to profess love to his childhood sweetheart. Well, have a nice day, young people."

With that he hummed a merry tune as he strutted out the door to the restaurant. A few moments later Ukyo staggered in, trying to force her way past something that had latched onto her own chest and swearing profusely until she had freed herself, then she leaned against the door and said, "Who let that old freak get loose from the nuthouse?"

The whole room was silent for another tense few seconds before Ranma said, "Wow…is that guy weird or what?"

"He's formidable," Cologne almost sighed, "And he hasn't changed a bit from our last meeting…"

"Hey," Nabiki suddenly spoke up, "Can we call this off before things get out of hand and we wind up damaging Ucchan's new restaurant? Mu Tsu? You seem like an intelligent boy. Mind filling us in on why you chose to show up like you did, as opposed to visiting us earlier so we'd have some idea that this was going to happen?"

"You pride yourself on being the clever one," Mousse replied, but folded his hands into his sleeves and said, "Very well. The truth is that I only just arrived a few hours ago, but I have been patiently gathering information to prepare myself for this meeting. I already knew some of the particulars from what they told me back in the village after I came back from years abroad hoping to finally win the hand of the one whom I wish to marry…"

"Perfume no want you!" Shampoo insisted.

"Why doesn't Perfume herself tell me that?" Mousse stared across the room to where Perfume was cowering in a corner.

"Are you still here, child?" Cologne said in annoyance, "I told you to leave."

"Why are you always bullying her?" Mousse glowered, "You want her to be the best, but you know she can never take Shampoo's place among the young women of their age. You've denied her status, but she is still a Warrior bound by the rules of Joketsuzoku!"

"And by those rules she is bound to Kuonji Ukyo," Cologne said firmly, "Either to kill or marry, that is the law!"

"That law has been amended so many times it's amazing to me that you can even quote it with a straight face," Mousse snorted, "Haven't the Amazons enough problems without you starting an international incident? You have both of these girls jumping through hoops to please you. Well, if it's the law you're so worried about, then here!"

His hand moved suddenly like a blur, and Perfume cried out almost simultaneously, doubling over as she clutched one hand to her breast, a look of intense agony spoiling her perfect features.

"Hey!" Ukyo cried out without thinking, "What did you do to her, you Jackass?"

"She is not harmed," Mousse said placidly, "I have merely defeated her to satisfy the laws of Joketsuzoku."

Shampoo was already at Perfume's side as the girl doubled over, weeping tears uncontrollably. Ranma and Nabiki saw this, then as one they turned and glowered in his direction.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Ranma demanded.

Nabiki had been thinking the same thing, only her question was silent as she looked on Mousse and saw not malice but confident self-assertion. There was something significant here that she was missing, and a quick glance at Shampoo told her that Perfume's other secret weakness was directly involved in the present state of the Amazon Enforcer.

"I see," Nabiki suddenly had it, turning to Mousse and remarking, "Very clever. A tiny projectile, almost too small to see, hurled at great speed at an exposed hand, probably a stone or a marble."

Mousse smiled, "Several, actually. Perfume has quick reflexes, having learned to deflect small objects hurled at even greater speeds. I see that you are indeed as clever as I had guessed from your earlier speech. Yes, I have resorted to base means in order to win my bride, but now that she is mine even Cologne cannot deny me."

"What?" Ukyo was suddenly confused, "But…I thought an Amazon marriage could only be dissolved if…" she swallowed.

"Come now, Miss Kuonji," Mousse smiled at her, "Would that make any sense at all in this modern age? At one time, yes, a marriage could only be dissolved with the death of one partner, but if we continued that practice today there would be all kinds of legal complications with the government, and if we killed every foreigner that way it would bound to have international ramifications as well. Amazons pride themselves for being the best fighters in the world, and united we are the equal of any army…but if the government were to send, say, a million men to attack us it would hardly matter if we killed all but a few thousand. Joketsuzoku would still be destroyed. That is why the Council of Elders have amended the rules to provide for less extreme alternative. Cologne is one of a few holdouts who yet cling to the older and more barbaric ways of the past, and she has passed this thinking on to her chosen successors. Therefore I hardly need to take your head in order to claim Perfume for my own, only prove myself the better suitor."

"You have not won yet," Cologne said darkly, "Kuonji Ukyo is still the rightful Airen, and Perfume has accepted her. You must defeat Ukyo to prove yourself the better suitor."

"Again you distort our laws," Mousse snorted, "Kuonji Ukyo does not need to fight me at all, merely surrender her claim, which I am sure she will gladly do now."

"Huh?" Ukyo blinked, unprepared for this sudden offer.

"You do not wish to marry another woman," Mousse said evenly, "And you have stated a preference for this man named Saotome Ranma. I overheard Tendo Nabiki negotiate with your father for the right to compete for his affections, a very novel if unusual resolution to your conflict, and I must say it is certainly more civilized than beating each other senseless. Perfume is the one factor in this equation that you find inconvenient, so I will gladly take her away from you. You have only to accept my offer and Perfume will never bother you again."

Ukyo blinked, unable to believe what she was hearing, but at the same time torn with sudden doubt at the ease with which she was being handed a life preserver. On the one hand she found the offer a comfort, never having wanted to be mixed up with these Amazons in the first place. On the other hand, though…

On the other hand there was Perfume to consider. She believed in the rules as Cologne had outlined them. Obviously the old woman had been taking gross advantage of her two impressionable charges by filling their heads with antiquated rules that demanded their compliance. Even so Perfume was not pleased upon seeing this boy, and he had just hurt her very much, to judge from the way she was sobbing. Shampoo was comforting her with her shoulder, ignoring the glare Cologne gave both of them, as if the girl were in agony beyond imagining. What could it take to make Perfume cry that way?

Whatever it was it made Ukyo grip her Spatula in both hands and say, "Hold on, Sugar. Even if I agree to this, what makes you think Perfume will go along with this deal? She has rights, too, you know."

"I am more aware of that than you could possibly know," Mousse said with sadness, "But Perfume will obey the laws and come with me because of her belief, and once she is under my protection she need never fear having the old crone exploit her so shamelessly again. I will teach her to respect herself and embrace new ways, and she will have a place in the tribe again. In time she may even come to love me as I love her…"

"N-No!" Perfume cried out, and then with great effort slowly got to her feet, refusing Shampoo's offer of assistance. Her lovely face was stained with tears but her expression was hard with anger. She clenched her fists in resolution and said, "You stupid, Mousse! You say you love Perfume, know what best for her, but you never listen! You never accept Perfume's word! Perfume reject you time and again, but you still think you command her love. Stupid Mousse…is not law make Perfume no want be wife! You not bad, but you foolish and stubborn. Go home to Joketsuzoku and find someone else to love. Perfume no want you!"

"You can't refuse me," Mousse replied, "I've beaten you, and once Ukyo agrees to renounce her rights you will have to accept me as your Airen."

"Perfume never be wife to Mousse!" Perfume said, "You never be Airen! Perfume no want you, Perfume want real Airen."

She turned a look to Ukyo that was both pleading and desperate. She already knew that Ukyo was hesitating, but she had to believe that the other girl somehow still cared deep down or she was doomed to virtual servitude. Mousse would smother her with his overprotective ways, no matter how sincere or well meaning, and she could never force herself to look upon him the way he would want. If only Ukyo understood and accepted...

Ukyo was hesitating, but something in that desperate look touched a maternal chord in her soul and caused her to take a defensive position as she said, "No deal! I've got nothing against you, and I even owe you a favor, but I think the girl deserves a better chance at happiness than what either one of us have to offer."

"So you would accept being trapped into this relationship that you clearly do not want?" Mousse asked her.

"If the alternative is turning her over to you," Ukyo grimaced as she said, "Then I guess I really don't have any choice about it, do I?"

"As you will," Mousse replied, taking a step forward before raising one leg and assuming a classic Crane posture, "The law does not require your death, no matter what Cologne may claim, only your defeat. I will make this as painless for you as possible since you merely believe that you are looking out for my future wife's welfare."

"This is nuts!" Ranma started to take a step forward, only to find Cologne's staff thrust into his path.

"No," Cologne said, "This is our way. Much as I detest admitting this, Mousse does have a point about the present state of our laws. Probably thinks divorce should be a painless matter for both parties, the fool. If everyone took an attitude like that then divorces would be commonplace!"

Nabiki arched an eyebrow but decided against saying what came into her mind. Instead she laid a hand on Ranma's shoulder and said, "We'd better do as she says this one time, Ranchan. It's up to Ukyo to make her own bed, though frankly I wish she'd make up her mind on this Perfume business."

"Spatula-girl, be careful!" Shampoo suddenly cried out at their side, "Mousse very tricky! He use Dark Arts to win battles!"

"Dark arts?" Nabiki arched an eyebrow.

"Hidden weapons," Perfume translated as she came to stand at their side, watching Ukyo square off against Shampoo with round eyes and a distraught expression.

Ukyo was too intent on studying her opponent to catch the last few words, but she read Mouse's body posture and realized that the man was very good at concealing his intent. In spite of holding a Crane stance he was not making overt movements to attack. There was something about the glint of his eyes…

And then it came to her at once, just a heartbeat before his hands thrust forward and started issuing out reams of chains in her direction.

She ducked low under his thrust and came up in a roll with a hand full of her own throwing spatulas, which she hurled his way. Mousse moved like a blur to deflect her weapons and came at her in a sweeping charge, his legs shooting out at her like pole-arms, and had she not reacted in time with her Baker Peal to deflect she might have suffered grievous hurt. Instead she whirled around in a leap and threw one of her flour bombs his way, only to have it harmlessly explode in a space he no longer occupied.

Mousse attacked again with flailing weapons that sprouted from his sleeves as though he carried a hardware store worth of metal under his white jacket. Ukyo was hard pressed defending herself as she backed away, giving ground before his onslaught.

"Ukyo," Ranma murmured as he saw the girl's defenses begin to crumble under the weight of Mousse's relentless attacks. In another few moments it looked as though it would all be over, and he wanted more than anything to leap into the battle and protect her.

Nabiki shared his sentiments but she was studying the Chinese boy's movements as if to determine the pattern to his attack. She saw Mousse wrap chains around the Baker's Peal, forcing Ukyo to tug against it, which left her open to other chains that wrapped around her neck and both legs, trapping her completely…

And then Nabiki saw what she was looking for and cried out, "Ucchan! Think Okonomiaki!"

Ukyo's eyes flew open, and then she released her grip on her weapon and moved forward, creating instant slack as Mousse was unprepared for the rush. The girl pressed in with an attack he never would have expected, her hands becoming fists as she flew at him with rapid punches that struck so fast his eyes could not blink or measure their speed. Ukyo struck a hundred blows in less than a second as Mousse backed away absorbing this punishment, blows that--while not very hard in of themselves--came so rapidly together that their cumulative effect was like beating a small hammer against a stone, wearing it down by successive rhythm.

At last Ukyo threw everything she had into a single punch and struck Mousse hard in the solar plexus. The boy was picked up and knocked down half way across the restaurant, landing upon a table and shattering it while scattering the chairs that had been stacked atop it. Mousse went down in a heap, groaning profusely.

"The Amaguriken," Cologne whispered in awe, "She mastered it in a single afternoon?"

"She fast learner," Shampoo said with a touch of pride, "Shampoo teach her and boy Ranma, make bet which learn faster."

"Incredible," Cologne spoke in hushed tones, "What a warrior she will make for our village."

Mousse groaned audibly, but then he started to get back to his feet and said, "This isn't over yet…I'm not yet defeated…"

"What?" Ukyo blinked, "Are you stupid or just too stubborn to admit I won?"

"Both," said Shampoo and Perfume in chorus.

"I will never let anyone take Perfume away from me," Mousse said as adjusted his glasses, "You surprised me with that maneuver, but I will not underestimate you again. That attack has exhausted you while I still remain capable of fighting. Surrender now or I will show you no mercy."

"What happened to me not suffering?" Ukyo asked as she felt the marks around her neck that the chains had left.

"You will not suffer," Mousse replied as he once again assumed a Crane stance, "In fact you will barely feel this…for very long…"

He flew at her with a new attack and Ukyo brought both hands up to block the kick she expected, only to find his knee in her gut, knocking her back and doubling her over.

"Hey!" Ranma almost rushed to her air but again was restrained, this time by Shampoo.

"No, wait," Shampoo urged him.

Ukyo absorbed the punishment that would have knocked the wind out of a less experienced fighter. Her face was tight with a snarl, but she managed to grate out, "That the best you can do? Keiko can split logs with her knees, yours feel like love taps!"

"Then I will simply have to try harder," Mousse replied as she prepared another Crane stance.

"Mousse very stubborn man," Shampoo said, arching her voice as she added, "He blind as bat! No see Spatula-girl much better fighter!"

"Huh?" Ukyo blinked, then stared at Mousse in a strange way before smiling an odd smile as she murmured, "You don't say?"

Mousse launched himself forward, but Ukyo darted to the side and threw a series of rapid punches which he managed to block as he turned around, assuming another stance as she moved away from the front entrance. Mouse continued to face the place she had been standing at last while she knelt down and retrieved her Baker's Peel, and when he attacked she was ready and brought the flat of it down hard on his head, knocking him senseless.

"Ukyo win!" Shampoo cried as Perfume was less able to restrain herself and threw herself upon Ukyo in a hug that almost knocked both of them sprawling.

"Wow," Ranma said, "What happened to him? Why'd he suddenly drop his guard like that?"

"Oh," Ukyo said as she recovered her balance, still wrapped in Perfume's arms and feeling somewhat sheepish about it. She held something up in one hand and said, "Maybe it's because I took these when he wasn't looking."

Nabiki grinned, seeing the thick bottle-glasses in the Okonomiaki chef's hand before she gave Shampoo a coy look and said, "Blind as a bat without his prescription lenses, huh?"

"Him never learn," Shampoo smiled, "He good fighter, but eyesight big weakness."

"Didn't anybody ever teach him to fight blindfolded?" Ranma sniffed as she looked down at the boy with a mixture of contempt and pity.

"Apparently he missed out on that particular lesson," Cologne noted, "Well, Miss Kuonji…I take it by this that you have decided to accept Perfume after all?"

"Ah," Ukyo was plainly having regrets about her victory, but somehow could not bring herself to throw cold water on Perfume's enthusiasm, "Not exactly, but the next guy who challenges me had better be a lot nicer about it."

"You were great, Ucchan," Ranma said with obvious admiration, then he seemed to recall himself and gave Nabiki a sheepish look as though expecting her to chew him out.

Nabiki just sighed and said, "Yeah, just great. You won the girl and beat the bad guy, and now how do we explain this to your father?"

"Ah…" Ukyo winced, then looked pleadingly at Nabiki.

Nabiki sighed as she nodded, "Never mind, I'll think of something."

"Spatula girl make Cousin very happy," Shampoo smiled, then seemed to rethink her statement and said, "Ah…mean Ucchan…"

"That's all right," Ukyo sniffed in amused resignation, "Call me Spatula girl if you like," she eyed Perfume with greater resignation and said, "I probably deserve it."

Nabiki just shook her head and mused that it was going to be an interesting year or so competing with Ukyo over Ranma. At least it did not promise to be dull having two Amazons in the picture. She turned to Cologne and said, "We're going to have to discuss a new arrangement for your deal with Ucchan."

Cologne was instantly on her guard but her tone was level, "I suppose we must. Under the present circumstances, I suppose I could be willing to make a few concessions…"

Continued

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