RahXephon Fan Fiction ❯ Ex Cinis Cineris ❯ Chapter 1

 

----------------------------------------------------------

Ex Cinis Cineris

A RahXephon fanfiction by regie27

Standard Disclaimers apply

----------------------------------------------------------

 

 

“In this world were everything is about to change, I don't know how much meaning there is in continuing to live as people. But that's what each and every one of the survivors must do. That much is clear; people will live in spite of it all.”

 

Watari Shirow, TERRA Director

 

 

May 27, 2028

 

Elvy Hadhiyat winced as the cloudy blackness that had invaded her senses receded. The throbbing pain that shot from her aching clavicle to her arm made her fully aware of the fact that she was still very much alive. Pain could be an effective reminder of one's existence especially when you were bound to be annihilated by the blast of a god. Her mind jogged to the instant the true RahXephon and the Mu Obbrigato faced off after she had released her TDD units in a desperate measure against the scores of Dotems that littered the skies. The fierce duel between both colossus climaxed in the circle patterned, rainbow-colored attack from RahXephon that ended in everything around being vaporized, including her scarlet Shinsei 2 fighter and almost her own existence hadn't been on her keen survival instinct kicking in, which triggered the nervous impulse that made her right hand pulse the ejection seat button. Of course, no pilot worth his or her wings wished to bail out of a perfectly functional plane but in this case, it provided the only chance of survival possible in her dire situation.

 

LT Hadhiyat made a quick assessment of herself. She knew of horror stories of pilots that ejected only to land with both legs fractured or even a limb missing and those were the cases the chute did open. Her landing had been smoother than most but that last roll against the rough surface at high speed fractured her left shoulder. Her crimson G suit wasn't in the best of shapes but it was still functional. Both legs were intact and she thanked all deities in heaven for it. She suspected she wouldn't have lasted long if other had been the case. A small smile appeared on her face. “Guess that Jumonji fellow won his wager of me being Lady Luck after all.” Instinctively holding her arm against her waist to steady the injured shoulder, she looked around trying to pinpoint any familiar landmarks. She suspected she had fallen on one of the Ryukyu Islands. She wasn't sure but at least that meant she was close to their retreat position, Supply Base 707.

 

The Squadron leader began walking, looking for a comfortable spot to rest and verify her location with the GPS embedded on her wristwatch. The acrid stench of smoke, charred metal from shot down planes and Vermilions, cadavers that eerily resembled Isshiki Makoto and pools of red and blue blood that she encountered on her way made her stomach turn. At the horizon, she could see the floating carcasses of the USDF fleet as they sank as funerary pyres, both ships and crews falling down to the depths of the ocean together in their last trip. Her right hand went to her side. She had taken her survival kit and her pistol with her and she was ready to take more Mu with her to the afterlife if needed. However, as she kept moving, she suspected the heart of the battle was still being waged at the sky and sea.

 

Her mind turned to the urgent task of finding shelter and some means of communication, but the almost unbelievable spectacle of two winged titans wrestling above the clouds rendered her motionless. It seemed each one struggled to impose its will over the other. Their chants brought her a sense of uneasiness and nervous expectation. Was that how the world was fated to end, in the hands of two kids transformed almost heretically into man-made deities? What about the sacrifice of herself and her fallen comrades? Kunugi, Yagumo, Jean, Cathy, Donny…Was it all in vain? Her eyes momentarily lowered to her side and to the loaded weapon. She could end it all right here and now. A 9 mm bullet across her temple assured a quick and painless end to this living nightmare. She cursed under her breath. That was the option of a coward and after a life lived in utmost courage, Elvy Hadhiyat wasn't going herself to fall that low in the end. Her squadron comrades would never forgive her if she decided to end it all in such an unbecoming manner for a condecorated warrior and leader like her. If death was coming for her, it was going to find her standing her ground.

 

Her brown gaze went up again as the glimmer of a fast moving object caught her attention. It soared past the giant Mu fortress that seemed to be their flagship and floating HQ and towards the wrestling Xephons. What the hell that pilot wanted to do? Even she wasn't that reckless! As the aircraft closed in on the aerial duel, another sonic scarlet blast from the white-winged Xephon exploded in mid-air. Elvy wasn't sure but she suspected that both the plane and the fortress had been taken down by the mortal chant. As the smoke cleared, she realized the city was plummeting fast towards the sea. She smirked. It seemed even the Mu were victim of collateral damage from their own creations. It served them right for all the good men and women that they had killed with their merciless attacks. The smaller object seemed to have barely escaped the wrath of the Xephons but now it spiraled wildly out of control at an alarming speed. As the object closed in, Elvy's pupils dilated. It was a TERRA plane, a blue Aliel. It had miraculously made it out of the attack but the aftershock of the blast had made its pilot lose control. She only knew of one person who always favored that particular aircraft…

 

“Damn it Shitow, why did you have to fly up there?”

 

Elvy knew that the plane was about to stall and with the current speed, it meant…

 

“C'mon, pull her up, pull her up, you're stalling! PULL!”

 

As if the pilot of the blue Aliel had somehow heard her, the aircraft recovered from the irregular spiral trajectory and managed to cease the drop, its nose missing the ground below by mere meters but it had been too late to control it completely due to the low altitude and the speed. Elvy held her breath in expectation.

 

“She's going to crash-land!”

 

Seconds later, Elvy heard the loud bang of the crash. Without a conscious command, her legs rushed towards the column of smoke that lifted instants later after the plane plummeted. Gasping due to the strain to her injured shoulder, Hadhiyat grinded her teeth as her glance found the wreckage. She sighted. It wasn't engulfed in flames but she couldn't take any chances. Climbing with difficulty, she reached the cockpit. Its hard monolithic carbonate glass canopy was frayed but its occupant seemed to be in one piece. Elvy jettisoned the canopy and in an instant the glass dome was thrown away.

 

“I was right. It was you after all. You're even more pigheaded than I am. Who would have guessed you'll lose your marbles like this over that kid?” Elvy smiled sadly. “Too bad he will never know what he's missing. Let's get you out of here and I hope I don't have to slap common sense into you.”

 

As the Alpha Squadron leader had expected, the TERRA captain was unconscious and aside from a cut above her temple and some scratches and bruises, she seemed to be okay. Still struggling with her injury, Elvy maneuvered to sit beside the cockpit. With her good arm, the female ace grabbed Haruka's waist pulling her in an upward motion. After several yanks, the captain was finally brought out of the plane as the taller woman positioned her to the ground. While Elvy gathered her breath, struggling to push away the insidious pain as she wiped out a single tear that escaped her eyes, she noticed that Haruka was stirring. At last, the shorter woman opened her lids slowly, her expression blank.

 

“Hey Shitow, take it easy. You crashed and I brought you out of the plane. Can you explain what in heavens you were trying to do?”

 

Haruka blinked twice, and then stood up quickly as her head lifted upwards. Elvy's glance also rose. She had been so absorbed trying to aid her comrade she had forgotten about the Xephons and that humanity's fate was at stake at that very instant.

 

“Elvy, I've failed” she heard the captain murmur as her voice choked. “In the end I couldn't help Ayato.”

 

“I don't believe any of us could do anything now Haruka.”

 

“It's not fair!” Haruka shrieked. Long tears began to pour down her cheeks. Elvy suspected her friend's emotional state was by now frayed to its limit.

 

“You got that one right. This whole mess hasn't been fair to any of us” the taller woman bitterly replied.

 

All of a sudden, the sky above was transformed from blue to blinding white. The godlike chants became louder, more pervasive and Elvy felt a worrying uneasiness travel down her spine. Their singing was chaotic, confused. Pain infused every note of the voices of the winged gods and Elvy gathered a cleansing breath, steadying herself for whatever that was to come from this. Waves of bright color followed the immaculate white. The whole world was being swallowed by the light and all sounds were extinguished by the mono-tonal chants of the twin Xephons. The world seemed to have stopped its gravitation. The moment of the tuning had finally reached its climax.

 

As Haruka broke down in loud sobs, Elvy simply stiffened. The time had finally arrived. Glancing compassionately towards her heartbroken companion, she placed her hand over the short-haired woman's shoulder as a small smile curved on her lips.

 

“Well old friend, I guess this is either the end or a new beginning. Hopefully, I'll be able to listen to you pour your heart out over draft beer and a good meal. I'll see you at the other side!”

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------- ----

 

ONE YEAR LATER

May 2029

Neo Tokyo, Japan

 

“So how's Sou-chan? Really? You better get used to that if he's a fuzzy sleeper. Well…you weren't a sound sleeper yourself either Megu. Mom and I had to take turns to pick you up at 2:00 am because you insisted in sleeping the day and spending the night up. Oh yes you did and more than once my face ended falling flat over my books because I had spent all night up taking care of you. Now you'll realize what your onee-chan did for you back then… And how's Kim doing? We really miss her at work but right now Sou-chan is her priority and we understand. When she feels she's ready to return, tell her to give Watari-san a call and he'll reinstate her in her position… And remember to pick up your other stuff. Yup, you do have a lot of junk and it's littered all around my place! You better drag your butt here and take care of it, you hear me… Yeah I know… I'm starting to sound like mom. Well, take care and hope you can get some sleep tonight. Bye!”

 

Haruka hung up and the cordial smile that she was sporting vanished. As she slumped on the couch, her glance swept around her apartment. Without Megumi around, it really looked bigger that she had ever realized. Worse, it felt awkwardly empty and silent. It had been already a month since her sister had decided to move in with Kim Hotal to help her take care of her baby, although boxes of her belongings still remained on her room and Haruka doubted she would dispose of the room in the anticipation of future occasional visits from her younger sister. She couldn't help but feel a sort of motherly pride over the younger Shitow's sudden burst of maturity. It had been Megumi's own initiative the decision to move to Kim's place to help her around given that the girl, aside from them and her newborn was practically alone in the world. Past misunderstandings and crushes were left in the past and a renewed bond had been created out of the common thread of experiences of losses and change, of laughs and tears they both shared. Megu-chan was indeed growing up and uncle Rikudoh would have been very proud to know that his admonitions and advices had truly taken root.

 

The circumstances that they had all experienced made their friendship grow stronger. She could still remember how horrible the first weeks that followed the failed tuning had been. All three of them would gather in the makeshift survivor refuge that Supply Base 707 had been turned into and silently cry until they ran out of tears. It had been a really testing period for both Haruka and Kim. The younger woman, still mourning the death of Major Yagumo Souichi, would first feel sympathetic for Haruka just to wake up the next day and blame her for bringing Ayato to their world and ultimately being indirectly responsible for the major's tragic and untimely death. Haruka didn't know what hurt her the most: the fact that Kim could actually believe that either her or Ayato acted with even the slight knowledge of what it would happen or the fact that she should apologize for rescuing Ayato from Tokyo Jupiter. Even with all the death and destruction that resulted from Ayato's merging with RahXephon and the disastrous consequences that followed, she could never bring herself to regret what she did, but she also knew Kim's reaction was an irrational reaction due to the pain of her loss. She knew all too well about the irrationality of love: after all she had stubbornly refused to let go of her affections towards Kamina even after more than a decade had passed. She grimly wondered if she would ever stop loving him.

 

In the end, it had been poor Elvy who would stoically listen to their suffering as she decided to instead wash her own sorrows away with sake or any available spirit, sometimes alone, sometimes with the elder Shitow sister. Only once had Haruka remembered seeing Elvy breaking down under the stress and the emotion: at the memorial ceremony for her fallen Alpha Squadron comrades. That sunny afternoon, a squadron of raven black Titanias flew overhead performing a missing-man formation as the Honor Guard with their neatly pressed uniforms and impeccably polished shoes placed wreaths over their tombstones, symbolic really, as their remains were never found. All the Federation brass made act of appearance and Director Watari's words had stirred everyone's emotions. It had been far too much even for battle hardened Elvy and Haruka had ended lending her shoulder for the Lieutenant to discreetly cry on.

 

The last year went by like a blur and the new circumstances had given her time to meditate on what had happened, but for Shitow Haruka, that wasn't a good thing. In fact, she loathed having this apartment for herself after years of always having another human being's presence around. First it had been her mom and dad when she still lived a normal life, then Itsuki's company at college, then uncle Rikudoh and Megumi, and finally her beloved Ayato himself for a wonderful albeit far too brief period. This loneliness just didn't suit her and she felt ill equipped to deal with it. At least she had managed to rescue Buchi the cat a second time around and now the feline slept comfortably in her sofa. At least a living being had decided to keep her company after all.

 

Of course there was always work and there were loads of it to keep her busy way past retirement. Now that TERRA disappeared as a separate entity, the government had annexed its resources and members into the Federation. Thanks to Agent Jumonji's recommendations, she had been promoted to Major and now worked alongside her uncle and the former TERRA director Watari Shirow as they headed the investigative team that sought to understand the Mu and its links to the defunct Bahbem foundation. Many secrets surfaced that had the short-haired woman's head spinning for weeks. If the fact that Kamina Maya was her uncle's daughter hadn't been surprising enough as Jumonji had revealed when he was still under the alias of reporter Futugami, to find out that Director Watari had been her husband and Itsuki's and Ayato's father had been quite shocking to say the least. Each time she browsed over the vast reports that the Federation seized from the Bahbem foundation she braced for even more unsettling discoveries that shattered a little more of her faith in humanity. Most of their discoveries let her so disturbed it was hard not to see life and her own existence as part of some twisted sort of vast conspiracy theory turned reality. Isshiki and Nanamori's lives reduced to mere clones, the Vermilions being in reality experimental mechanical dolems, Lord Bahbem's Methuselah-like longevity; all these disturbing findings pilled up in her head in such a way that insomnia had become part of her daily routine just like brushing her hair or eating.

 

Still, even her dealings with what the Foundation and even TERRA itself had ended up being could not distract her enough to dull the vacuum that had lodged inside her soul since that fateful day when the world seemed to halt its endless elliptical course. Her life post tuning had become aimless; her inner compass lay broken along with the shattered pieces of her illusions. For the very first time in 30 years, she searched for a purpose to justify her own existence but couldn't find one. The last reason she had steadfastly held on to, to care for her sister, had whisked away along with Megumi's belongings out of her home and her life. At least Elvy found a new purpose as flight instructor for the USDF after struggling with her own survival when so many had been lost in that bloody war. The veteran pilot wanted to instill her resilient survival instinct on the younger generations of fighter airmen. Even with Bahbem dead and Maya captured, there was no telling if the MU planned a return or what they could come up next, so Elvy kept her guard up, waiting for the day she could finally avenge her comrades. But Haruka, unlike Elvy or Kim or the other survivors felt her life was nothing but a charade now. The professional officer, the capable and talented Intel analyst with a work ethic second to none, admired and respected by her peers was in truth an empty shell. She knew she existed but she was not living in the true sense of the word, not anymore.

 

“I should have died that day. I should have at least shared in death what we could never have in life. Was it so wrong for me to keep that hope and to pursue my dream? Am I such a wretched human being that my wish was denied over and over again? What's left for me now?”

 

Haruka's head sank into her palms as she braced for yet another round of a hopeless struggle against her two new companions: misery and loneliness. She noticed with dread the signs of their arrival materialize as the crescent moon hung high over the cold Tokyo nightscape: the oppressive weight over her heart, the chill against her skin, the long shadows that stirred with unnatural life. Haruka glanced at her owns hands as they shook with fright in anticipation of the punishment that was bound to be inflicted upon her psyche. Every instant her mind was vacated and silence replaced the sounds of the daily grind, the voices would come and haunt her. It didn't matter how hard she struggled to avoid or ignore them; in the end they would find her and torture her until the waking hours. She knew that those close to her knew that something wasn't right but she couldn't make herself care for what they thought anymore. It wasn't that they didn't try enough to humor her in their efforts to bring part of the old Haruka back. On the contrary, they had been more than diligent to the point of sometimes being asphyxiating as they attempted in vain to resurrect a part of her that was slowly fading away. Sometimes she relented just enough so they would leave her be for a while knowing her change of mood was in truth good acting on her part. Her rational mind was still sharp enough to realize she was hitting rock bottom. However, she was so emotionally numb it didn't matter anymore. And so everyday came and went as she waited for life to make sense for her again, to catch a sliver of the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. She hoped she found it soon because she wasn't sure for how long she could go on with the farce that her life had become.

 

Tonight she felt too weary to even endure a single round of her companions' merciless attacks, so the newly appointed USDF major stood up from the couch and without hesitation, directed her steps towards the bathroom. As lightless chocolate eyes locked with hers in the mirror image, she opened the medicine cabinet and reached for a small, amber colored bottle. As she grasped it, she could listen to the base doctor's admonitions about the risk of becoming dependant on the sleeping pills but between having a night of deep, nightmare-free sleep and risking her sanity to slip a little more, she chose the lesser of the two evils. Holding the pills tightly on her right fist and a glass of water on the left, Shitow Haruka entered her bedroom. She washed the pills down her throat and her cheek met the soft pillow. As darkness engulfed her eyesight and began taking her conscience away, she secretly hoped with all her might she could stay in that dreamlike state, devoid of heartache and emptiness and never return to suffer anymore. Perhaps in that place she might be at last granted the happiness that had been denied to her all her life.

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------- ----

 

 

“Well Haruka, when was the last time we had the chance to sit down and enjoy a meal? Was it 4 weeks ago?”

 

“Actually it has been about 6 months now oji-san.”

 

Rikudoh Shougo struggled to swallow that last bite as he looked at his niece in mild shock. Laptop at her side, Haruka gave her uncle an amused look. At least she could attribute her occasional forgetfulness to her gene pool.

 

“Has it really been that long? Goodness, how time flies, but you're right. I seem to recall that Megu had been with us that time also. How she's doing? I'm glad she decided to return to school.”

 

-“Yes, she told me yesterday that's she's being doing quite well. In fact, we might even have a special guest join us at dinner one of these days, but don't tell her I told you!”

 

“I won't! I'm so happy for her. I'm relieved that I don't have to worry about her anymore. You on the other hand…” Rikudoh's voice lowered.

 

Haruka lifted her glance as she lowered her teacup. She found her uncle's dark orbs assessing her in silence as an expression of concern lodged on his face.

 

“Haruka-chan, I understand that among all of us, you are shouldering a very heavy burden and I shouldn't expect you to behave as if nothing happened, but still I can't help but feel worried about you. You've changed and I'm not sure I like it.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I'm afraid that you have given up.”

 

Haruka didn't reply. She seemed to be staring at an empty space, her fingers playing absentmindedly with the chopsticks from their lunch. Rikudoh Shougo sighted.

 

“You know, your aunt Maya asked me about you.”

 

“Aunt Maya?” Haruka exclaimed. Rikudoh nodded. Although Kamina Maya faced a complex legal process that was expected to culminate in a trial for crimes against humanity at the La Hague International Court, Director Watari's position had allowed her the unusual privilege of remaining on house arrest under the USDF's custody instead of the prison stay it usually awaited those facing charges of High Treason. This had allowed those who prior the Absolute Barrier counted themselves as her relatives to visit her periodically after years of separation. There was no use in keeping animosities, not anymore and because everyone had lost so much, they thought it was better for all to try and rebuild what was still salvageable even if it meant dealing with a former enemy. Haruka had been one of those visitors, since Maya had placed particular interest in meeting the person who had ended taking the lion's share of her son's heart. The Intel officer had been apprehensive at first, believing that the former Mu leader held her responsible for her utter ruin and their first meetings had been filled with awkwardness. However, Haruka soon realized that Rikudoh's adopted daughter held no animosities towards her and so in a strange twist of fate Kamina Maya, feared head of the Mu became simply her aunt Maya.

 

 

“Yes, we talked for a while and she told me the most interesting thing. You know that since the Mu retreated, her spiritual powers and her awareness have been fading but so far she hasn't lost all of them. She was the most powerful among them after all, so I believe it will take quite some time for her powers to completely disappear. Anyway, remember the last time you came to visit? Well, after you left, I noticed she looked quite concerned. After a little probing, she told me she had sensed dissonance within you and that your timbre was dulling. It seems that we red-blooded humans can also posses this quality, this timbre as they call it and yours happens to be exceptionally strong. This alarmed her because she believes that the unusual clarity and warm quality of your timbre was the thing that attracted Ayato to you in the first place. She said that after much meditation, she realized this had to be the explanation because they were never able to erase your imprint from his memories. You can also add the fact that Itsuki also felt attracted to you. My best guess is that for lack of a better term to draw a comparison, the timbre is something similar to the aura.”

 

Haruka looked at her oji-san with a stunned expression. She admitted this was a plausible explanation. After all, what were the odds of twin brothers that didn't even knew each other being interested in the same person but in different circumstances and time? Leaning forward, Rikudoh continued:

 

“But this is the part that worries me. Maya said that she felt as if your timbre was being slowly swallowed by a void and that if that kept happening, the void was going to replace your essence. I don't know how to interpret this. After all, I'm a scientist but there are too many mysteries of the Mu that I know we will never be able to crack, but I'm afraid your aunt has a point. I've been able to know you like a father would. You've lived under my roof since you left college and I've witnessed your journey, how hard you've worked to gain your position at TERRA, how you've cared for Megu not as much a sister but almost like a mother. I've seen your ups and downs and it pains me to acknowledge that you are letting yourself die inside. Of course, I shouldn't judge you so harshly. I have my own failures for which I atone each passing day, but I believe I haven't allowed them to alter who I really am.”

 

“But oji-san…” Haruka replied vehemently, “you don't understand what it feels to fight and struggle just to see your dreams shatter all over again. It hurts too much and I don't want to be wounded anymore, so if by shutting down my emotions is the only way I find to protect me from the pain, then that's what I'll do. I'm sorry if this means becoming this being but I can't seem to find another way.”

 

As Haruka wrought her hands nervously over her lap, the archaeologist watched her in silence. Inhaling sharply, he replied:

 

“I see. Well, I'm glad that at least we had this conversation. I have to go back to work now, but I just wanted to let you with a thought a good friend of mine shared once; life can be divided in two parts: 10% are the things we cannot control and 90% are those that we can do something about it. The key to success is to learn how to use that 90% to deal with the remaining 10.”

 

“Sounds like a good advice” the short-haired woman conceded. “Who told you that?”

 

“Kunugi Jin. You see, he didn't allow the 10% determine how he was going to live. There were things that he wished he could have changed but since that was impossible; he decided instead to work with the things that were within his control. His steady leadership was a source of inspiration for all of you. I know you and Jin didn't see eye to eye in many moments, but I believe you understood in the end what he was trying to do. Ayato's fate might had been much different hadn't been by him and I'm sure you've come to realize that now.”

 

Haruka nodded silently. She had indeed understood that much later and regretted the times they had argued.

 

“Haruka-chan, only you can decide what to do with your life and none of us can interfere. Just remember that those of us who have survived have the responsibility of being grateful for the chance that has been given to us. Take care, niece. I'll be seeing you later.”

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------< /div>