Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Gold Digger Fan Fiction ❯ Why Always Me? ❯ Prologue ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Why always me? Prologue Written by Matdeception

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Disclaimer: Ranma ½ was created, and is owned by Rumiko Takahaisha. No
infringement intended. Gold Digger was created, and is owned by Fred
Perry. No infringement intended. Send all death threats, flames, and
stupid questions to narkanarka@hotmail.com.

Visit my web site at : http://www.matdeception.9cy.com

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Near Kyoto, deep within a nearby forest.

"ROT IN HELL GENMA!" screamed an oompa lumpa looking thing, his voice
overriding Pop's explanation concerning the process and point of this
'Neko-Ken' training he had been harping about recently. Genma explained
it as some kind of 'Ultimate' technique, so it was only natural for his
son to be all hot and bothered to get that bad boy under his belt as
soon as he could. Though Genma was a reasonably intelligent person, he
failed to see his son plotting his untimely demise as the ultimate
result of the Cat Fist training. Maybe he shouldn't have stolen his
son's dinner all those times?

Oh well.

The father of Saotome Ranma was currently recovering from a surprise
attack; that being a flying kick to the head courtesy of the cabbage
patch dweb. Ranma couldn't bring himself to help the man, surprised as
he was. That didn't stop him from rolling on the ground in hysterics; it
was kinda hilarious to watch the little worm he likes to call Pop squirm
like he was. Don't misunderstand the situation though; Ranma didn't
really enjoy watching his own flesh and blood get the hell beat out of
him like this. Nope, Ranma rather respected the fat slob, despite being
a totally worthless waste of filth, and a scourge upon the world in his
opinion. He was after all, an accomplished fighter and sensei. That was
something Ranma could respect.

"M-M-Master!" squealed the stuck pig Ranma likes to think of as family,
his stance and tone of voice giving Genma an impressive cowed demeanor.
Despite Ranma's young and relatively inexperienced mind, the boy knew
his Pop, who was at this particular moment in time the ultimate in
martial arts shiznats that his young mind knew, would bow before no man
unless that man was indeed his better. Ranma couldn't fathom how such a
shriveled looking piece of sun-dried cabbage could garner such respect.

Ranma shrugged, he didn't really care either. As far as he was concerned
this fight wasn't his place anyway, prolly-just one of the many Martial
Arts Masters his Pop had pissed off in the past. Ranma crept on the
outer edges of the fight, slinking his way slowly towards the pit his
Pop had been earlier leading him to. Peering in with curious and gleeful
eyes, Ranma stopped short as those selfsame eye's discovered just what
was in the pit. Cats. Pissed off looking cats if the way they were
killing and eating each other were any indication.

Ranma blinked again, then smiled widely, "This is kinda cool!" he
shouted cheerfully as he alternated his gaze from the pit of cats to the
on going battle and back.

"Genma! For what you did to me; YOU WILL PAY!" the oddly troll looking
thing snapped as he began beating on Genma's cowed form, whose voice was
barely heard as he tried to plead with the thing "B-b-but Master! ERK!"
Ranma blinked when the little guy rammed what he could on speculate as
his knee into his Pop's crotch, eliciting a rather girlish scream, an
echoing crack sounded for all to hear. Ranma winced, that couldn't have
felt good. Whatever his Pop did to piss this little hell spawn off must
have been real bad. Ranma was just glad he had done nothing to gain this
thing's animosity.

With Pop being down as he was, the thing jumped back, gaining distance,
while pulling out a rather silly looking toy gun - Looked like a super
soaker, Ranma mused - and took aim. Ranma froze for just a second, and
then leapt into action. Just because he didn't interfere in the beating
his Pop was undergoing, didn't mean he would stand by idly and watch
some one kill him. As for as Ranma was concerned, killing his Pop was
his job, not some undersized little puss buckets.

"Kiyaaaaahh!" Ranma sounded as he leapt into the fray, surprising the
old fool with a round house, succeeding in knocking the 'gun' away from
its hands, then following through immediately with a palm strike to its
forehead. Ranma realized he made a mistake as pain flared through his
hand.

"OWOWOWOWWWWIE! What the hell is your head made of you old freak?!"
Ranma screeched out while trying to cradle and protect the injured limb.
Whatever this thing was, Ranma had to give it credit for having such a
hard head.

"Who the hell are you! Damnit, I'll teach you to disrespect your
Elders!" the thing retorted in a gravelly voice as it lunged towards
Ranma, using speed the poor boy could hardly believe possibly, much less
follow.

"Duck boy!" Genma yelled to his son. Ranma shot a glace over his
shoulder, noticing his Pop had 'acquired' that weird looking 'gun' he
had managed to knock away from their now mutual assailant. He followed
as ordered, dropping to the ground and showing by this action his
complete trust in what Genma was planning. Boy was he ever wrong, and
now both Ranma and their attacker would pay the price in full.

At first it started as a pinprick of emerald-white energy, forming in
the span of a nano-second from nothingness. The ball pulsed menacingly
as it rocketed away from Genma, flying in a straight line towards his
son Ranma, but just slightly higher than the boy's prone form, which
should hit their charging attacker head on. Everything seemed to go so
well right? Wrong.

"Achoo" Genma sneezed, tilting the gun slighty as he launched the
attack, causing it to shift down into his son's direction instead of
passing overhead as was originally intended. Ranma screamed out before
it hit him, a last act of defiance on his part "YOU RETAAAAAARD!"

Despite Genma's screw up, it had its desired effect. Their attacker had
long since seen the attack coming, in so doing he flared his KI mighty
impressively; forcing it 'up' so that the inertia could push him 'down'
towards me. Perfectly reasonable bout of logic upon their attackers
thoughts. However, since Genma sneezed, that blast of emerald green
light hit its intended target, and then continued on towards his son,
both vanishing instantly as contact was made with the emerald ball of
energy.

Genma blinked, now alone, as information and the likely consequences to
what just happened poured through his mind. Moments, an hour really,
passed until Genma settled on one image. That of a red haired woman
wielding a sharp katana, in the process of slicing his pecker and head
off. Oh yes, Nodoka was just going to love THIS!

***
???

"NOOOOOOOO" screamed the platinum haired goddess as she watched her
perfectly laid plains backfire. Ten years! Ten long agonizing years of
hard work down the tubes because of a goddamn sneeze! God damnit, the
woman seethed inwardly, why doesn't her plans ever work! She freed
Happosai to train her avatar, so he could banish that horrible man
Genma, thereby picking up her Avatar's tutelage when he would realize
the boy was all-alone in the world! Not get himself and her Avatar
banished!

"WHY ALWAYS ME!!!" she screamed to the heavens in rage.

If the aforementioned goddess had been paying attention to her
surroundings, instead of submerging herself in her own self pity, she
would have noticed the angry blond goddess who had just appeared beside
her, the newly arrived goddess's eyes burning an ethereal glimmering
hue.

Two quick breaths, a flexing of muscles, both physical and magical, and
then the blond bitch slapped the platinum haired one straight from her
station, through a crowd of newly arriving Angels, down a path of
soul's, and into a lake of Crystalline water.

Ouch.

Emerging from the surface, with a very noticeable welt growing on her
cheek, the platinum haired one snarled at the blond goddess in
overpowering rage, "Why did you do that!" then her rage became inept as
she took a closer look at 'whom' she just yelled at, suddenly feeling
like finding a TV and running, the platinum one scanned her surroundings
quickly for any path of escape. If the sparks of hellfire forming in the
blond ones hands were any indication, it was that she needed to get gone
now, or else get involved in a lot of pain.

"URD! YOU KILLED MY AVATAR! The blond yelled, leveling a gaze of pure
malicious intent upon the self proclaimed Goddess of Love and the Past.
"You have ANY idea how long it took to get Father to let me have another
one? Do you!? And you killed him!

Sweating bullets, Urd realized she was in deep shit unless she could
find a way to placate her friend, and soon! "Aphrodite! He's not dead! I
swear" Lightning sounded at her chose of words, but Urd continued
anyway, "give me a second to explain! Damnit" the thunderous clouds
increased in their rage with each 'curse' word "He's my Avatar too!
Father only agreed to the whole arrangement so long as we manage to
share! Don't worry! I know how to get him back!" her voice showing her
confidence for all to plainly see.

Aphrodite managed to quell her 'righteous wrath and fury' a bit, but it
was still there, burning menacingly within her eyes. Glaring at the
goddess of the past, Aphrodite spoke in a voice; volumes could be
written from that one voice simply describing its anger, frightening.
"Explain, and explain now. Sugar coat it and no force on Asgard will
save your ass!"

Now THAT was the end of the line. Father, from his office, let off two
super powered lightning bolts of divine retribution for their continued
break of the rules. He sure showed them!

***

Eight years had past, Ranma reflected, as he continued his forward march
through the lonely and windy grasslands. Eight years since his
Grandfather, his Pop, and his Sensei arrived in this new and entirely
magical world. In this world were everything both He and I believed to
be impossible, was made possible. Mythical creatures of yore came to
life, such as Dragons, Elves, Dwarfs, and the various assortment of were
creatures. Simply put, Magic existed here, yet it did more than that. It
was life, it was the sun, it was the wind, and it was the world.
Everything they knew to be unreal suddenly became real, everything ever
dreamed of from their world was alive and well in this one. Truly
horrifying if you think about it..

"Stupid Genma." Ranma muttered softly in his reflections. He had taken
to Calling Happosai Pop's shortly after they both appear here. For some
reason, Ranma couldn't bring himself to even think Genma was his real
farther anymore. Lost in a world seemingly embroiled in perpetual Chaos,
Happosai became Ranma's stone against the tide. Sure, Ranma admitted, it
sucked at first. Happosai blamed Ranma for this mess; even beat the
ever-living shit out of the poor boy a few times. In time Ranma managed
to grow onto the astute Grandmaster of the Anything Goes school of
Marital Arts, why it only took four months of harsh brutality to warm up
to the old codger. When he did, Ranma felt an immense veil of security
over come him. With his acceptance came his knowledge, for at that
moment Ranma became his true heir and student in the art. Ranma had long
mused on the differences between what Genma had been teaching him, as
opposed to the differences Happosai directed. And boy did Ranma ever
find out.

***

One such difference.

"Hey boy" called Ranma's surrogate father softly, keeping as quiet as
they can as both stalked through the town of Durpan. Happosai had
decided to stop for a quick training session, and maybe a bite to eat,
and thus that's how the two found themselves here. Over the first few
months Happosai had been reviewing all the training Genma had put Ranma
through, then sought to drive it home that Ranma's real father was
indeed a retard.

"Yeah pop?" Ranma asked

"Revision number one, son." Ranma could honestly say Happosai said this
with real emotion, like he was the son he never had, or wanted if his
sneer was any indication.

"That utter bullshit Genma fed you about 'It's a martial artists duty to
protect the weak' is a load of horse shit. You're going to forget it
right now!"

Ranma adopted a confused expression at hearing this. If the code of a
martial Artist wasn't 'To protect the weak' then what the hell was he
learning the crap for?

Thankfully Happosai continued, "It's a marital artist's duty to protect
and service women my boy! Men can go beat off; they can take care of
themselves. Now boy, the true calling is to learn everything you can to
please a woman, form a Harem, and of course protect her from the
occasional dumb fuck..."

Ranma snickered, rather proud of himself for getting Happosai to curse
so openly. Happosai had tried to break Ranma of his cursing habit early
on, but in the end Ranma converted him!

"... who would dare steal her away as a prospective member of your Harem!"
pop finished as he puffed his chest out, oddly looking constipated to
Young Ranma's eyes.

"So.. I won't be a true martial artist until I can form and defend
this.. Harem?" Ranma asked, rightfully confused from this sudden and
strange change in perspective Happosai was trying to nail into him.
Ranma, exulting in his own naivety, asked, "What's a harem?"

Happosai stood up straight, his tone, stance, and general appearance
giving him that 'Wise and all powerful sensei' guise. He answered
Ranma's question, "Boy, a Harem is gods gift to those very very few
martial artists who walk the true path! After protecting and servicing
enough women, they will willing follow you around, doing nearly
everything you wish and in turn 'protect' and 'service' you as best they
can! You understand what I'm getting at boy?"

Of course Ranma didn't, but he decided Pop didn't need to know that bit
just yet. How the hell he expected Ranma to understand it was beyond
him, considering the poor boy had yet to even hit puberty!

"Can you teach me Pop? I wanna be the bestest martial artist in the
world!" Ranma, like the foolish boy he was, threw away Genma's old
tenets of honor as he picked up a more powerful art, at least in his
opinion. The Art of Lechery and Depravity!

***

Back to the present.

Ranma stopped his forward march, taking only a moment to locate and sit
on a convienitly placed boulder, to rest his weary legs and douse his
growing thirst with a quick chug of water. Ranma allowed his eyes to
drift over the open field, mentally noting to himself he was within an
hours reach of Seer's Hamlet, and near the end of his secret mission.
Ranma didn't really understand why he was sent here to see the
tournament of arms. This 'tournament' was nothing more than a glorified
way for a bunch of retarded morons to beat the ever-living crap out of
each other, at least that's the way he viewed it.

'Heh, I do that everywhere I go, why should I bother with a tournament?'
Ranma mentally mused. "What's so important that has Pop's sending me off
alone for this?" he mentally reviewed the plan Pop had described for
him, either not caring or noticing his internal monologue had journeyed
to his voice. 'I'm suppose to arrive on the last day, sit in seat C-37,
then make a comment about the current Armsmaster just as the final
fight, which was to decide if the old Armsmaster would retain her
position, began. Everyone who was anyone knew Julia Brigand-Diggers
would remain the Armsmaster. Despite numerous entries, none of the
participants had any 'real' type of training like he had. If rumors were
right, Vulgroth was in the finals, and everyone knows about his
humiliating defeat Ranma handed to him not even a month ago. That fight
was kind of a stupid one, in Ranma's opinion, but as Pop put it
'Practice makes perfect' so he practiced the Art. Was doing pretty damn
good to, that is until Vulgroth came home and found him and his wife
getting down and randy.

"What a loser." Ranma mutters under his breath. He didn't really
understand, nor care, for Vulgroth's reaction. It wasn't like they were
actually doing 'it'. So, as Ranma figured, there was absolutely no
reason to try and decapitate him like he did.

Ranma became nostalgic as he remembered that fight, though it was
extremely one sided, it amused the hell out of him..

**

The fight, if one could call it such.

"YOU BASTARD!" roared the silver haired elven blademaster as he pulled
his sword free from its sheath. Ranma could kinda understand Vulgroth's
reaction, what with his wife mewing in orgasmic delight, with him just
barely finished dropping his pants. He could honestly say he never
actually got a chance to get some, get some and finally lose that damn
virginity of his. It figure's this would happen, Pop's always laughed
his ass off whenever Ranma got interrupted, and he could almost swear
Pop went out of his way to tell his 'conquests' significant others what
was about to happen. Ranma figured Pop must really love to screw with
him, for that he swore if he ever found out that he indeed went out of
his way to stop him from finally getting laid, he would kill him. Eight
years of pent up sexual frustration tends to get old after awhile..

Quickly grabbing a spoon from the table, Ranma began drawing in
environmental Chi from the ethereal stream, subsequently enhancing his
chosen implement of disaster, as well as allowing a few wisps of his
inner Ki to run through out his body, stimulating senses and his adrenal
glands to increase strength, coordination, agility, and all those other
wonderful senses that saves people like him from becoming sishcabob.

"Enguard 'limpy'!" Ranma still couldn't believe Vulgroth's wife called
him that, it was rather embarrassing to know your competition was
impotent. Ah well, none of his business.

What followed next could only be described as the most humiliating
defeat for the experienced blademaster in the history of Jade. Their
fight, if one could call it that, had been forced out of the house and
into the streets. The sight of a young human boy, with his pants dropped
to his ankles holding his own and BEATING a professional at the sword
with a WOODEN spoon was just too much for those watching to stand. Roars
of laughter erupted for the remainder of the fight, some of the women
even fainting as Ranma's boxers fell down and revealed himself in all
his glory during the fight.

After trouncing him, Ranma shuffled his feet, still refusing to pick up
his pants, back into the house, hoping against hope he could finish one
of these practice sessions! To his dismay, Inadre had fallen asleep,
causing his raging hard on to grow limp. It's just not right if their
unconscious, so with a heavy and frustrated sigh, Ranma left, all the
while cursing jealous 'limpy' men for interrupting his 'practice'.

***

Back to the present

Pushing himself off his perch, Ranma continued on his way towards Seer's
Hamlet, picking up the pace abit as he drew in Chi from around, and used
it to augment his speed. Nowhere near the levels of those 'fabeled'
were-cheetahs, but still extremely impressive for an honest to god
NORMAL human.

Within twenty, thirty minutes Ranma arrived at his destination. Being
still relatively early in the morning, Ranma decided to rent out a room
from the local inn. Since the tournament wouldn't start up for another
hour or so, he busied himself by stashing his stuff where no one would
find it, then headed off for the Arena. Might as well get there early,
Ranma figured.

Even though there was still a good forty minutes left until the final
fight started, the place was packed. Ranma ignored the rather
tantalizing assortment of 'were cats' that prowled the area, quickly
taking his seat next to some tall bearded dude whose demeanor just
screamed 'I have a stick shoved up my ass'. Tuning out his surroundings,
Ranma contemplated his plans while he waiting. Losing track of time,
Ranma was surprised to find the final fight had just about started.

When Vulgroth's name was announced, Ranma jumped up and waved in
excitement, gathering the elf's attention, he was rewarded with the most
hate filled glare 'limpy' could manage. It was bliss, being looked at in
such a way. Bliss until he pointedly ignored him. What a spoiled sport!
Settling back in his seat, Ranma waited patiently for the fight to
start.

Silence descended upon the crowd as each of the weapon masters were
introduced. Master Leep, Ranma already knew. He and Pop had spent many a
day training at his citadel. In the end, Leep had to physically eject
us, seemed we were disrupting all his fun. Whatever that meant.

When the Dark Elf War Mage Karia was announced, Ranma once again hooted
and hollered to get her attention. The 'stick up ass' guy stared at
Ranma like he was insane, which everyone else joined in when Karia waved
excitedly in return, blushing quiet visibly. A lot harder than you
imagine, considering her skin tone. Karia always was a fox, she didn't
mind Ranma pleasuring her, kind of sucked she refused to 'pleasure' him
in return until marriage or some crap. Ranma had ignored the whole
marriage comment, as Happosai had long since pressed into him that
Marriage was a temptation women gave to deride from the true form of the
art, and that he should never fall into it..

The moment of truth finally came when Vulgroth butted heads with the
Armsmaster. Ranma let out a contented sigh as he completed this rather
screwed up mission by stating,

"Man, that Armsmaster has the biggest ass I've ever seen!"

That's when 'stick up ass' guy's head burst into a flaming skull of
vengeance and a rumble began.

Ranma cried inwardly as he dodged what looked like a Aura Beam, "Damnit!
My life blows ass!"

***

"Shit man! Chill before you kill some one!" Ranma screamed while dodging
a multi-faceted beam of fractured light. How the hell did he get into
this mess? One stupid comment about how the Armsmaster of Jade's ass
looking big, and this loon throws a hissy fit. Honestly, Ranma screamed
inwardly, Why is it ever time he follows Happosai's instructions and
compliments a woman's prime feature the nut jobs come out of the wood
works to make his life hell?

"It's not like your tapping that ass! What gives?" the earlier beam of
light tore through a nearby house, toppling the surrounding buildings
and throwing small dust devils in all directions. This screw job was
packing some serious power!

Dr. Theodore Diggers, said loon, was seething like a demon from the
lower echelon of hell, retorting, "THAT'S MY WIFE YOU"RE TALKING ABOUT!"

'Oops' was all that was going through Ranma's mind at THAT statement.
What are the odds Pop gets him to sit down next to a sorcerer as
powerful as this one, who also happens to be the husband for the
Armsmaster of Jade, the woman who he was ordered to make a rather crass
and sexist remark about? Ranma suddenly got an odd feeling that there
was a conspiracy out to get him.

"Okay.. so you ARE tapping that ass. Don't you old farts like it when
younger guys find your wives attractive?! " Sheesh, Ranma groaned out,
its not like he was screwing the woman. Ranma lamented on this, because
it always seems to happen to him. What the hell did he do to deserve
this? Every time he commented on a guy's wife looks they go into a
finely honed rage of jealousy and destruction.

Like a flash of lightning, or maybe the fireball spell the loon just
threw at Ranma, he realized what must have been happening. To Ranma it
was so obvious that he should have seen it after the first dozen or so
times! He's down right dead sexy, in his mind, so on some subconscious
level these goons must be thinking he's after their wives, possibly to
join in his no doubt demonic harem.

Perhaps lamenting at his ill fortune was a bad thing, Ranma noted, as he
narrowly avoided a razor sharp scimitar aimed at the back of his head,
while also dodging what looked like a disintegration beam from the loon,
Ranma could have sworn that spell was forbidden. That's life, he
guessed..

Seems this rather flashy and destructive show had garnered more
attention from the local law enforcement, at least that's what Ranma
guessed until he say his other attacker. Low and behold a pedophiles
dream walked before him. Crazy chick wielding the scimitar was obviously
one of the many were creatures that prowl this side of quantum
stability. She was short, like a demure French woman, and this obviously
YOUNG female were-jaguar, jagwere for short, snarled as Ranma commented,
"Hey baby, what gives?!" Ranma winced at her retort, what's the deal
with screaming 'KAPOWIE' at everything? She must have just hit puberty,
or she's on the rag, Ranma decided.

"Geesh babe, can't you calm that demented sorcerer down? He's tearing up
the town!" Ranma spoke cheerfully, while side stepping to the left, and
then forward into her downward slash, he had just decided to have a
little fun with the young woman. Expertly snaking his hand around her
waist, Ranma grabbed a quick feel off her ass. Nice and firm, he noted
as he commented, "Hmmm, you certainly are a sexy kitten aren't you? His
gray-blue eyes traveled up from their lecherous gaze of her breasts, to
the atomic rouge blush adorning her cheeks. Cool, Ranma thought, looks
like he might be able to score him some finally. Being an eighteen year
old virgin really sucks.

"AND HERE YOU ARE MOLESTING TOTAL STRANGERS?!?!" yelled the loon.

'Oops, forgot about him, ah well I'm screwed now, no point in
resisting.' Ranma managed to turn around just in time to say, "What can
I say? She's hot" before the loon's paralysis beam knocked his world for
a loop. Slumping defenseless to the ground, Ranma was rewarded with a
sharp kick to the balls from the 'KAPOWIE' chick. Thank the gods for
small miracles, that being complete temporary block of all nervous
system functions, and then his world went black.

***

Awakening slowly, Ranma was greeted by ungodly pain in his crotch and
head, unfortunate side effects of the magical and physical attacks he
had to endure.

Inquiring to no one in particular, Ranma asks, "Why always me?"

"Because you're a lecherous pervert! That's why!" screeched a voice full
of righteous feminine fury. Ranma decided to risk the additional pain he
was sure would follow his actions, forcing his eyes open while wincing
at how the light seemed to burn into his eyes. To Ranma, it felt as if
solar hellfire had, and still was burning its way into his head. Must
have a concussion, Ranma mused.

"Pervert? What the hell did I do?"

Adjusting to the light, Ranma began taking note of his surroundings. Ten
by ten room, its walls appearing to be composed of gray cobblestone, a
single cot, a wooden smelly bucket for god only knows what, and from
Ranma's senses enough magical shielding to stave off a nuclear winter.
'Yep. I'm in jail again. What a jiff.' Ranma intoned mentally.

"You physically attacked me!" said the 'KAPOWIE' girl. "And attacking a
member of the Edge Guard is a serious offence!"

'Edge Guard? Her? Oh wait, that's right. I remember hearing from Tirga
about some defective jagwere running around with them. Guess this must
be her.' Ranma pondered for but a moment.

"You weren't complaining earlier I noticed!" he decided to retort. Ranma
blinked in surprise when her face lit up, oddly looking similar to that
strange magical reindeer with the red nose from the Earth Realm that Pop
talked about from time to time.

Deciding it was time to get out of here, Ranma feel into one of his
well-rehearsed alibis, mustering the most sincere voice he could at the
moment. "Any way's, I'm not drunk anymore, so you can let me out."

'KAPOWIE' girl seemed to deflate at my excuse; "You mean you only.." she
sighed in rejection, then continued, "did that because you were drunk.
Of course, no guy would ever do that with me."

'What's wrong with her?' Ranma thought, then answered "Umm, yeah? But
seriously, I.. umm," having the decency to blush at this point, he
continued "I still would have done it though, your.. heh… pretty damn
hot."

Despite his rather sexist comment, which he was sure would have earned
him another 'KAPOWIE', she seemed overwhelmingly pleased by his
statement, as though she's never been complimented like that before me.
Real confidence problem here, Ranma noted.

"So sexy, how about letting me out of here. We can go on a date or
something, real romantic type of thing if yah know what I mean."

Another voice made itself heard, sounding tough and kinda macho like
Genma and pop always said he had to be, Ranma mused. "You will be going
no where, convict." Scorn dripped from the as of yet unseen owner of the
voice. "Except to the mines if I have anything to say about it!" He
finally came into vision. Another were-jaguar, only not defective like
the small bundle before his eyes. To bad, Ranma was kind of curious
about the differences between the reject and the normal versions. Can't
really compare to well when they're of different sex.

"Uh, I take it I'm in trouble for defending myself? Aye?"

"Sheila" said the guy, sounding annoyed and pissed off while ignoring
Ranma's comment. "The council is prepared to sentence him. Chain him up,
its time for judgment to pass."

'Geesh, all I did was comment on a girl's fat ass! This guy sounds like
I'm about to be put to death! Damn you Happosai, I'll get you for this!'
Ranma screamed mentally

" 'kay Gar, give me a minute. I wanna KAPOWIE him one more time.." Ranma
then spied the growing smirk on 'Gar's' face, suddenly getting a feeling
of impending doom in regards to Sheila's request.

"Yah know.. if commenting on some one's looks is THIS bad, I'd hate to
see what happens to people who actually perform REAL crimes in this
city!"

Gar ignored Ranma's remark again, and simply exited the room. Sheila,
with an evil and oddly enough familiar smirk adorning her features,
stalks up to the cell door, busying herself with her key belt. Ranma
became contemplating escape. He wasn't bound, obviously this guard,
being defective, is weaker than the others, and its mere child's play to
flow through the shadows once he gets out of this Anti-magic zone. Yes,
Ranma decided, he'll overpower his guard and escape through the
shad..!!!!!!

Sheila took advantage while Ranma's attention was focused on his escape
plan, lunging into his waiting arms, applying her soft and luscious lips
to his. Snaking her tongue into his mouth when he gasps in surprised.
Sheila felt giddy with her actions, and then happy when she found Ranma
didn't resist her one bit. In fact, he's returning her attentions in
earnest.

Ranma, being the Student of Happosai, took immediate advantage of the
situation. Pivoting to his left, he turned and pushed Sheila down
roughly onto the cot, pinning her arms in the process of eliciting a
guttural moan from her lips. Climbing on top of her, Ranma raised his
left leg in-between her shapely leg's, causing her to spread them abit.
Sheila purred and 'meowed' loudly as Ranma rubbed his knee against her
inner thighs, while their tongues danced, and his hands explored from
her arms down to her waist, snaking quickly up her shirt and cupping her
right petite breast, urging Sheila to let a scream of pleasure, mixed
with shock at his boldness, that resounded throughout the small room and
into the halls beyond.

Ranma released one of her arms, and with his free hand began tapping
passion points, as if by instinct finding and exciting her libido
through his use of KI and knowledge of the female anatomy. Sheila was
almost sent over the edge when his thumb and index finger, on the hand
currently fondling her breast, teasily squeezed the tip of her nipple,
his actions planned and thought out in his quest to bring her world
crashing in orgasmic bliss.

People would generally assume that if a person could do this to a woman,
pretty much any woman, by simply touching them then that person can't be
a virgin. If people assumed this of Ranma, they would be wrong, dead
wrong. Despite his knowledge of passion shiatsu, his excellent control
of KI and knowledge of inducing lust with it, and his raging hard on,
something always has to ruin his fun. It's like cosmic law. 'Thou shall
not get laid if thee named Ranma Saotome.'

Gar, with a cry of "KINKAJAGA SUISE" let loose a golden Chi blast, the
force of its impact flung Ranma across the small room and smashed him
head first into the far off wall. Before Ranma fell into waiting
Oblivion, he heard the words that were like sweet music to his ears, and
the only reason he hadn't killed Happosai for all his interference in
the past.

"DAMNIT GAR! I WAS /THIS/ CLOSE!"

When it's confirmed your good at your job, it just makes all the hell
you go through seem worth it.

***

Once again Ranma returned to the land of the living, recovering from his
physically induced coma. He is immediately treated to the sight of the
inner conclave of mages, the ruling body for most of Jade which is
composed mainly of old busy buddies, old men with long white beards, a
few holier than thou elves, and one golem looking thing, he Ranma had
met before in the past, which its name was Bugie.

"Geesh, you guys sure are rude to your guest's." he snapped irritably,
idly noting he was bound up tight, and with enough chains to completely
restrict movement, and if he wasn't so tough, cut off his ability to
breath. Must have been Gar's work, Ranma figured, jealous little fugger.

"What? You guys afraid I'll tear your eyes out or something? I'm just a
freaken human, not some half dragon bent on world conquest. Yeesh." He
said sarcastically remarked when they didn't immediately respond to his
first statement.

No one laughed; it wasn't a funny statement anyway. Instead, the loon
from earlier stood up and addressed the council, "Fellow mages of the
conclave, we bring forth this criminal, who is charged with out right
attacking my personage and endangering innocent lives in his attempt on
my life."

"WHAT THE FUCK? You little son of a bitch! You attacked -me-!! Just
cause I commented your wife had a big ass you felt the need to go off
the deep end? You got any idea how many people /you/ hurt and nearly
/killed/ because of your pride?!?" Ranma screeched. 'Why is it everyone
is always trying to fuck with me? What total BULL SHIT.'

Thankfully, the kami were smiling on him.

Bugie stood up while some of the other mages worked to restrain the
lunatic. "Yes.. Saotome Ranma, we know the truth of this matter. We will
dismiss the crimes brought against you by Diggers."

Ranma smiled smugly at that, sticking his tongue out at the mage in
question, ignoring the fact his head just lit up and changed to a
flaming skull.

"However, your assault on a edge guard member will not go unpunished.
Reviewing your past records, we the conclave have decided your in need
of.. Professional.. uh.. Reprogramming I guess is the term." Bugie, who
suddenly smiled like a cat about to unleash holy hell on mice, turned to
Theodore Diggers and continued, "This will also incorporate your
punishment, for your attack on a relatively innocent man."

Theo Diggers adopted the same confused look as Ranma did, both asking at
the same time, "What kind of 'reprogramming'? And what do I have to do
with it?"

Something seemed odd and some how completely wrong about this situation,
and Ranma could almost swear Happosai planned this. It was all just too
convenient, especially with how everything is falling into place. It
didn't help matters that Bugie and Happosai had been spending a lot of
time around each other lately. Ranma swore, whenever he saw Pop again he
was going to kick his cabbage patch ass all over the eastern continent.

"We will attach the 'Reform' equipment to him" Bugie motioned to a
previously unnoticed table, on which consisted a golden collar, two
bracelets, and two ankle chains.

Ranma wouldn't have it, and decided to try and burst Bugie's bubble.
"Whatever freak. I ain't fallin for your plan, so take your 'Reform'
equipment and shove it up Happosai's ass! I won't be anyone's bitch!
Especially any old gay insecure fuck twit like Diggers!"

Ranma was promptly ignored; Bugie continued, "While under its effects,
Theo, you will instill etiquette and morals into the boy. With your
strict discipline, he should grow and learn the true errors of his ways.
We, The Conclave, have decreed, thus it will be done."

Ranma, if your asked him, would swear up and down that Theo's burning
skull of rage wasn't magic. It just looked, hell it felt to damn real!

"Are you insane?!?! You want me to bring that.. that.. LECHER into my
home?!?" he screeched.

"Chill man, its not like I want to sleep with that fat ass you call a
wife." Ranma retorted.

BBZZZTTZ.

Once again smashed into dreamland via a well-place, and very painful,
paralysis attack courtesy of Theodore Diggers, Ranma pondered this
continuing theme of 'Smash Ranma Unconscious'. His last thoughts on his
pop, and his oath to get revenge for this situation.