Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Random Kuno ❯ Random Kuno - Cool ( One-Shot )

Dis-lamer

I own nothing, blah blah blah, Rumiko Takahashi and copyright holders, yada yada yada, no infringement intended, ubuti ubuti ubuti, independent piece of fanfiction.

Author's Notes:

This series of Random Kuno is a tribute to the one and only Tatewaki Kuno whom we all have a profound lack of respect for. This chapter is my personal advice to the guy. Not to be taken seriously. For a change, it's first-person perspective.

Random Kuno - Cool

I began my declaration of unwavering love, which would surely captivate the hearts of my beloved women. This time, it was carefully planned to entice them to me. "I, Tatewaki Kuno, Blue Th-" That was as far as I got before being stomped to the ground. As I came to a couple of minutes later, I found Gosunkugi crouching next to me.

The pale boy had apparently been waiting. "That won't work" he calmly announced. "It hasn't worked before, and it won't work in the future."

This was most insulting! What did this boy know? "Nonsense," I said, "If only I could have spoken my-"

He interrupted me. "They'd have flattened you anyway. Can't you see? Ancient babbling just doesn't work on ladies anymore." Most uncouth behavior of him, that mocking of my arduously worded art.

I inquired him as to the specifics of his opinion. "What reasoning do you have to back up your blasphemous accusations?"

"See it like this. The pig-tailed goddess is the embodiment of `sporty' and `energetic'. That kind of girls don't read much of your fancy high-fly books, so she probably doesn't know words like…" he blinked. "…the ones you use too much. And Akane is a macho tomboy-" How dare he!

I struck him atop the head with my bokken, lightly of course. There was some truth in what he said about the pig-tailed goddess, but… "Akane is the sweetest, most gentle girl that has ever graced this Earth since time immemorial. You have no right nor reason to utter such blatant lies."

He looked kind of lost, as if he did not see the meaning of my words. "Uh… Yeah. Like, she's so innocent and pure, that she's like one of them…" He seemed to struggle hard against some demons of the mind to utter the next word. "…cute shepherd chicks. And shepherds don't know fancy words, do they?"

This was indeed true. How could I have been so blind as not to even consider this chance? It must be that the rosy veil of love had covered my eyes, for I was not a foolish man by nature. "Tell me more about this."

"Yes, Yes. I have a cunning plan…"

Within half an hour he had me convinced of if not the usefulness, then at least the welcome change inherent in the plan. It was hard to be noble

That night I stood in front of a mirror, doing the practices Gosunkugi had suggested me to use in altering myself. My gi and hakama had been cast aside in favor of clothes suggested by the pale fellow: A white T-shirt and blue jeans. They were barbaric and certainly looked out of place on my upper-class figure. I looked at my posture. Straight-backed and rigid as a real noble should be.

But now, I would have to break it. I laid my weight on one leg, slowly relaxing the other. I put my hands slowly into my pockets, letting the thumbs remain outside, as instructed. I still looked rigid compared to other people I had seen in similar garb. I had to relax myself, for the sake of my beloved ones. Slowly, very slowly, I squeezed the tension out of my muscle and tendon. From within me spoke a voice, commanding me to stop this ridiculousity at once, but I stifled it with the power of my unwavering devotion to a set purpose. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I could nearly have passed for a mediocre young man.

I was satisfied with that. Next would be the hard part. Setting my mind to operate on that one task only, I said to my mirror image:

"Cool."

I remained prolongedly awake - no, stayed up long, remember - that night.

In the morning, as I waited - see, I thought waited, not awaited - with Gosunkugi for my dears, I was trembling with fear. I wasn't - see, see? An apostrophe - really familiar with this feeling, and that made it a lot worse. As the time came for me to step out into the street and say my new greeting…

I turned tail and ran away.

My sister came up to me and asked: "Brother dear. Why did you not participate in education today, brother dear? And what is that you're wearing?" She looked a little worried.

Now was the perfect time to test my new skills in a relatively danger-free area. What could happen to me at home? I leaned sideways against the wall, crossed my arms in front of my chest, and said: "Hi, sis. I wasn't in the mood to go, so I stayed home and watched TV And these are my new clothes. Like them?" In fact, I had trained more common-ness, because there was nothing good on TV, and the clothes were borrowed from Gosunkugi's elder brother.

Kodachi's mouth gaped like a fish's as she tried to speak. Finally she made some sort of a conclusion. She straightened up and pointed a finger at my face. "Who are you, vile perpetrator, who have stolen the identity of my dear brother?" It was kind of funny, watching her act like a fool. Lucky thing I wasn't like that. I had realised the complicated Ranma - pig-tailed goddess -business in the blink of an eye.

"Relax, sis. It's me, so don't wave that hand in front of my face. Can't I lay back for a while and act normal?" Actually, it was very hard, and I was sweating, and a part of me kept wanting to run away to my gi and hakama.

Naturally, my little sister couldn't take it, and fainted. After carrying her to bed and seeing that she was sleeping comfortably, I returned to my room to practice.

I stepped out to the street to face my girls. This time I was ready. I let the inspiration flow. "Hold it right there, chicks." They looked at me weirdly. "Yes, I'm Tatewaki, not a fake, the real me. I just wanna tell you one thing. I've finally understood that ancient babbling ain't in no more, and I've decided to become normal. Just one of the guys. That okay with you folks?"

Akane blinked twice, then a smile began to spread across her face.

The pig-tailed goddess nearly exploded with happiness. "No more of that Blue Thunder -talk?" Her face absolutely radiated. "Oh, Kuno I could kiss you… ack! Well… what the hell, okay!" The pig-tailed goddess leaped at me, wrapping her arms around my body, and pushed her face up to mine. She tilted her head to the side, and suddenly our lips were crushed together in a passionate kiss. After recovering my senses I held her close for a moment or an eternity, who knows. It exceeded my wildest expectations.

Then she drew away, blushing like hell. Ah, she was so cute right then, so shy and embarrassed to share an honest kiss with a guy in public.

Akane stood next to us, her expression likening Kodachi's when my little sister heard me speak in my street style. She grabbed the pig-tailed goddess' arm and dragged her away, still looking dumb-struck. That didn't keep her from repeatedly malleting the redhead. Oh, how nice. She must be jealous.

I ran after them, slowing to a walk to keep even with them as I asked the redhead: "Will you go out with me?

She was still smiling. "Nope. But maybe if you keep talking normally…" Akane gaped at this.

Yes! My plan had worked! Well, it was Gosunkugi's but who cares? I was finally set for the happiness of my life. I only had one thing to say.

"Cool."