Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Reluctant Bet (2nd Labor) ❯ From Crippled To Cosmo Knight ( Chapter 11 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

7th segment:

A take on Hephaestus and an idea for an Alterniverse where Ranma pursues a very different art.

The Book Of Shojo. Something that caused the AD&D players to react with more horror than if their characters had been confronted with the Necronomicon.

A concept for Akane Tendo, the Yellow Rider, the lone hero against insurmountable odds. Starting off with only her sentai powers and not a stitch of equipment inside the enemy stronghold. Sounds like the start of an epic adventure, don't it?



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Reluctant Bet, segment 11: "From Crippled To Cosmo Knight"

See previous disclaimer. + "Drain" by X-Japan, lyrics provided by Sakura.

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Talk to my troubled brain
If you can feel my pain
So much hurting that's living in my head
Now I can barely breathe
And now my heart's disease
And my name and my life has been stepped on
And on.... NO NO!

You made fool of me!
There is no way out...
I'm going down the drain!

The name of God in vain
You pushed me, I'm insane
Dissolution is knocking on my door
Can't stop my bitter tears
Oh, take away my fears
Body and souls is blown up into pieces

Oh cry out... I want to be free!
Dry out ... I want to know truth!

Let me drain my feelings out!
Lough like a drain!
My emotions scream...
"Let me drain!"

So I can speak my mind
Anata sae blind
I am left in a land with just solitude
Has this become my fate?
Who's next to be your bait?
Vicious cycle repeating on and on...

Cry out... I want to be loved!
Dry out... I want to see dreams!
Oh, cry out... I want to be free!
Dry out... I want to know truth!

Let me drain my feelings out!
Lough like a drain!
My emotions scream...
"Let me drain!"

Shampoo blinked as the "In The Last Episode Of 'Crippled: Body & Souls' " synopsis was given. "WHAT?! Why Shampoo is cheap thug villain? This insult to womans of Amazon tribe!"

"You couldn't see yourself acting like that?" Shan asked, well knowing the answer.

"Well... maybe. Still is not very flattering." Shampoo decided to sulk with a tub of Rocky Road ice cream. "Shampoo never get good parts."

Nabiki (sitting down to be more on Ranma's level): "Ranma... I want you to know. You never have to be alone if you don't want to be."

Ranma (in wheelchair): "Nabiki... you, why are you doing this? You've spoken of your family honor, but why?"

Nabiki (letting out a deep breath): "You know of the initial reasons, Ranma. And there *is* more. Well, if you must know, it's because..."

The doorbell rang.

Not only did the Nabiki on the screen groan, but the Nabiki watching the tape winced. Then realized she'd been leaning forward too much and fell off the couch.

"Oh good!" Kasumi clapped her hands as her character joined the other two in the room. "I'm one of the 'good guys' in this story. How nice!"

Shampoo looked up, her lower face a mask of ice cream and grumbled something about how she hoped she had a better role in the NEXT tape.

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Sailorjin Timeline:

"MINE!" Haruka protested, wrapping both arms around one of Grey's arms.

"OURS!" corrected Michiru, having gotten a stray arrow when Eros had tried firing three at once.

"LAY OFF, HE'S MINE!" Hotaru was quite willing to argue the point and was holding Grey's other arm. For emphasis she leaned across his chest and stuck her tongue out at the two on the other side.

"You're too young for him, ne? Tall muscular and partly mechanical?" Usagi snuggled up against him from behind.

"Can't be happening, absolutely canNOT be happening," repeated Grey. His eyes tracked to the two on his right. "Uhm, i'm a guy so, howcome..."

"A change of diet is always good to have," indicated Michiru from where she was attempting to graft herself.

"I can tell that somewhere in that manly mechanical frame, a really cute girl is waiting to come out." Haruka might have hit her head a little hard in her assault.

"Uh huh." Grey's eyes tracked to other side. "And Hotaru, you're all of what, nine years old in human terms?"

"Fourteen!" Hotaru indicated proudly. "Old enough for you to make me a woman."

"Eeep." Grey wasn't capable of turning green. He tried nonetheless. Then turned his attention to the person behind him who was rubbing her cheek against his back and making purring noises. "And what about Mamoru or Darien or Tuxedo Mask?"

"Who? Oh, Mamoru?" Usagi snuggled a bit more into the warm glow she had found. "He's getting married to Rei-chan in a couple of days. And Rei-chan doesn't want to share, the meanie!"

"Go run home, little girl, me and our new romantic lead have to get better acquainted!" Haruka snarled at her former ally Hotaru.

"'Little girl?!' Better than being an Old Bag like you!"

"OLD BAG?!" Battle auras were flaring.

"Ah heh," said Grey trying to think of a way to defuse the situation and drawing a complete blank.

"I'm sure you'd much rather come home with me!" Usagi chirped and tried to levitate with Grey.

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" Hotaru, Michiru, and Haruka thundered.

"Oh my," said Ami as she scanned the foursome. As she had actually been Eros' target, naturally she had been completely missed. "I'm getting some interesting readings from Cyborg-san, I was wondering if..."

Again came an eerie chorus from Hotaru, Michiru, and Haruka. "YOU TOO!"

Ami looked for a foxhole as auras flared.

Grey ran a quick diagnostic. Forcefield still dangerously low. Armor missing a few patches. Self repairing systems online but kinda busy.

"MINE!" Haruka and Michiru pulled.

"MINE!" Hotaru repeated and exerted her own vector, powering up as she did so.

"At least *I* can be feminine," Usagi stated, and started pulling in her own direction.

"WHAT?!" Haruka was sure this was a crack against her. Of course, she was quite correct in this regard. Auras flared, pressure increased.

CRUNCH! CRACK! Even megadamage alloys can only take so much.

"Why me?"

------------------

"You're kidding? A promotion!" Kiyone exulted. Not more than three days away from Mihoshi and she was already upwardly mobile again.

"Yes," Ishtar said graciously. "The Goddess Relief Office has openings for both of you in the Mortal Agents department."

"But what about Grey..."

"Oh, forget about him. He's still struggling with his second Labor. Besides, you want to keep your pokemon, don't you?" Ishtar chuckled. "Well, they've proven useful, so that's what I'm also here to do. They're going to the agencies who could really use them. The Goddess Relief Office, Divine Intercession, and Divine Justice."

"Pika?"

"Yes, you can remain with Kiyone. You come under the rules for Cute Animal Mascots."

"Pika! Pi!"

"Sure, a transformation pendant to allow you to change back to human form between adventures? No problem." Ishtar made a dismissing gesture. "Just give the word. But both of you are entirely too competent and powerful to continue working with some rinky-dink organization like the Rival Relief Office."

Kiyone frowned slightly. She REALLY liked Grey, but that was just some enchantment that she'd have lifted. It felt wrong but this was a chance to pursue a career! "I'll... do it."

Sasami's thoughts were a bit more chaotic. She REALLY liked Grey, but it was all an enchantment wasn't it? Besides, her sister was probably worried. "I think... maybe I just ought to go back home. They're probably really worried."

"Magma!" Magmarashi was adamant. Wherever Sasami went, HE would go.

"Okay, unlike those failures at the RRO, *I* can use a spell and get you there instantly." Ishtar made a gesture and opened a circle of light.

"What about ME?" Cadet Jenny held her hand up. "I'm Cadet Jenny, and I come from a long line of police officers!"

"You? I'll just put you back in your homeworld. You're not registered with the Rival Relief Office so you don't really count for anything."

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Cadet Jenny shouted at the newcomer.

"Excuse me," said Tatewaki Kuno, drawing a sword. "For interrupting my quest for power, I am going to have to smite you!"

Ishtar pointed a finger. "There. Your wish is granted. Now go away."

"My wish? My wish is for all of you to begone!" Kuno watched as the four of them vanished into thin air as the glowing circle moved over them. "What?! You mean I really had a wish? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

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Target Timeline:

Kasumi sat, wearing a formal kimono, plucking out the first few notes of the song "Dueling Banjoes" on a koto, then glancing to the side.

Taking up the challenge with a gleam in her eye, Makoto Kino brought a flute up to her lips and replied with the same sequence.

They were interrupted as an electric guitar played the third set, camera backing out to show Ukyo Kuonji with it.

A drum sounds the fourth sequence at Shampoo's hands. A quick sequence of four eyes show the fire of determination and challenge showing. "Hmmmph" comes a female chorus.

The music quickly begins the battle. Sequences show the various battlers: Kasumi switching the koto for a piano, Nabiki on a banjo, Ami Mizuno on a clarinet, Shampoo continuing with the drums, Ukyo likewise continuing with her guitar, Minako Aino also on electric guitar. More and more female characters appear, dueling with music with the others...

And Ranma trying to sneak away during the battle. "Private Bet: Cosmo Knight's Blues" logo shows.

"...but I don't know how to play the piano." Kasumi gently objected.

"Likewise, sugar, I can't play the guitar." Ukyo waved it all away. "Artistic license no doubt. You notice on the cover, that I'm wearing a JSDF flight suit? Same thing, no doubt."

"Shampoo CAN play drums. Just no very good. And Shampoo on cover wearing odd bikini. Is strange."

"And I'm wearing a full naval dress uniform." Nabiki shrugged. "I'm just glad that I got a good part in that 'Crippled' miniseries. Or at least it looked that way."

"Nabiki and Kasumi keep crying during that. Shampoo got stomach ache from too much ice cream. Not want to see that one again. Hope this have better part," Shampoo's voice lowered to a series of grumbles as she pouted about it.

"Okay, just one more episode then we've got to get some sleep. We got school tomorrow, y'know. Well, at least some of y'all do." Ukyo frowned, wondering if she was something other than the heavy in this one.

Shan and Sakyo stiffened then appeared to be looking around for something.

"What's up, you two?" Nabiki watched the two girls with an eyebrow raised. If only she could get ahold of the technology that had produced them!

"He hurt. Shan not know how she know. But Ranma hurt. Hurt bad."

Sakyo nodded. "We need a way to get to him without alerting a certain sun goddess to it."

Amaterasu watched from a distance. THAT wasn't going to happen.

A shadow flickered nearby and returned to Nabiki during a quick break. Knightshade was seeing a lot of use.

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"Genma, we MUST..." Soun's voice broke off. What must they do after all? Could things actually end up as in that "Mirrors Multiplied" tape? Or that miniseries "Crippled" (the two had walked out halfway through - desperately needing a drink)?

"An' I sell that horse critter for a hundred thousand yen, at least!" Genma continued to drink and plan his financial empire. "Not to mention what I could get for that kappa thing."

"That's right, Genma, we *must* unite the two houses. It is a matter of... something or other. Barkeep! Another round for me n' my friend here!"

"Thasshh right! And your daughters got those bracer thingies. Pro'lly worth hunnerd billion yen!" Genma sniffled. "I hadda do it, Soun. And I knew those Knight people would save Ranma if I went too far again. And it was for The Art. We've sacrificed so much, Soun..."

"Yeah, Genma." Soun threatened to bawl. "If only there was something we could do!"

"Ahem," Doctor Tofu cleared his throat. "Excuse me, Tendo-san, Saotome-san. I heard you needed some help uniting the two houses. I have just the thing right here."

The bartender stared, having just seen the bespectacled man step out of the shadows. He could have sworn that nobody had been standing there a moment ago. Martial artists... well, at least they weren't going for a barfight.

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Kasumi (turning a perfectly good apron into countless tiny white shreds of cloth): "Hee hee, oh my. Oh my. Oh my."

Ranma (concerned as he turns from his workout, the sun gleaming off sweat-slicked skin): "Are you feeling all right, Kasumi?"

Kasumi (blinking, the red tide of a blush sweeping up from her neckline): "Oh dear, Oh my." (swallows heavily) "Yes. Of course, absolutely nothing wrong."

Scene changes to an upstairs window overlooking the backyard. Nabiki has her camera out and is licking her lips as she watches the boy downstairs.

Nabiki: "MineMineMineMineMineMine..." (starts frantically snapping photos) "Ah, to sell photos or not to sell photos. THAT is the question. Is the greater reward in the financial opportunity selling photos like these to my classmates? Or is it in keeping the choicest ones to myself and glorying in that physique. For when I have shuffled these photos off, will that help me understand the mysteries surrounding Ranma-kun or will I merely have shot myself in the foot by demonstrating that he cannot trust me?"

Akane (walking behind Nabiki): "Who knows, who cares? He's just a BOY, Nabiki."

Scene flips back to the backyard.

Ranma (going to his pack): "Oh yeah, Kasumi. I spotted these while I was out this morning and thought you might like these."

Kasumi (visibly tears her gaze away from his chest to look at what he's offering): "Flowers?!"

Ranma: "Oh. I'm sorry. You don't like flowers?"

Kasumi (staring at the flowers in her hands): "..."

Ranma (moving past her and heading towards the house): "Well, I've got to wash up. Sorry, Kasumi."

Kasumi (still staring at the flowers in her hands): "..."

Ranma (stops at the house to look back at Kasumi who still hasn't moved): "I wonder if I will *ever* figure out women."

Shampoo fell off the couch laughing as birds started erecting a nest on top of Kasumi's head.

Kasumi held both hands over her face and was peeking out between parted fingers as the screen Akane came out, put her older sister over her shoulder and carried her into the house. "Oh dear."

Nabiki and Ukyo exchanged a glance and snickered as the screen-Kasumi unsteadily made her way to the bathroom. Ominous music played as she slid the door open...

Nabiki and Ukyo joined Shampoo on the floor as the Kasumi on-screen came to a complete halt as she spotted Ranma snoozing in the tub.

Akane (bursting in the door, grabs her elder sister and drags her out of the bathroom): "Kasumi, you've got to stop this. Aren't YOU the one who tells ME about proper behavior?"

Kasumi (blinking rapidly): "I was just going to make sure he was okay!"

Akane (not noticing Nabiki sneaking into the bathroom with her camera): "Kasumi, if you were any redder I would think your cheeks would explode!"

Nabiki (in bathroom with camera): "Hmmmph I thought Ranma was in here..."

The Kasumi on the couch watching that tape was turning several shades of red as well. "Oh my!"

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Sylph had checked out the one known as Akane and brought a gentle breeze to clear the air through the Tendo house. And then her mistress had given Sylph new orders.

Knightshade sought and found equipment, returning it to her mistress before the newest orders had been spoken. Knightshade had been QUITE busy as her mistress had found Knightshade's ability to blend with shadows and relay what was seen and heard quite... interesting.

Naiad likewise had gone about her duties, dousing and scrubbing the girl named Akane Tendo four times and using the magic of her embrace to lift the scent of Evil from the girl.

Pyriad had gone about her own duties, more minor but was still seeing use. Mainly because HER mistress hadn't much use for setting fires and the like but still didn't want the others to get too far ahead of her with the bracer's evolution. Pyriad wondered briefly if her mistress understood what the third stage entailed.

So four constructs had gone about their mistress' biddings.

And if they started picking up their mistress' mannerisms and movements, who would notice or think it strange?

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Elsewhere:

The air cracked open as Grey managed to slap his chin against the D-hopper's activation button. The battle royale going on behind him caused his abscence to be temporarily missed.

He had enough time to wonder where he was when he passed out.

"He looks human but the insides..." The speaker indicated the dislocated right arm and the missing left arm.

"Let's see what Gennai-ojiichan says, or Doctor Lorelai for that matter." The man looked at his three companions before addressing one. "Lime, you tell Baiko and Tamasaburo. It looks as though adventure has come calling again."

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Another Elsewhere:

"I can't believe this." Eros sighted along his bow, drew it, and shot a "Minor Affection" arrow into a young schoolgirl 300 miles away. He followed this up with a "Warm & Fuzzy" arrow into a young man 220 miles away. Nock, aim, draw, release. He'd done this a lot more often than he could count and had it down pat with dozens of bows, enchanted and not.

Another four arrows plunked down accurately into their targets. Lest the gentle reader worry, these were Negation arrows to undo the effects of the last four arrows that had been shot.

Nock, aim, draw, release. A songbird in Luxemborg started warbling his little heart out.

Nock, aim, draw, release. A Sumalian bride-to-be suddenly found her husband's overbite not to be nearly the turn-off it had been a moment ago.

Nock, aim, draw, release. A German engineer lost all interest in the algorithms in front of her as she had a pleasant little fantasy involving that nice Admin.

Nock, aim, draw, release. An unpleasant little fellow in Haiti suddenly couldn't bring himself to shoot the most beautiful policewoman he'd ever seen, swore to repent all his previous crimes, and that he'd never wanted to be a vicious criminal but had wanted all his life to be a bartender. The policewoman who had been wondering how she was going to get out of THIS one, immediately changed that to wondering how HAD she gotten out of that one.

Eros drew a deep breath, looked around, blindfolded himself, drew FIVE arrows at the same time and shot them. Taking the blindfold off, he saw that five girls in a place called Kansas City (oddly enough in a state named Missouri) had suddenly noticed that the shy and kindly young man not five yards away had the potential for major studliness.

Eros frowned. His skills didn't appear to be off. Selecting a "LovePotion 69" arrow, he shot a young man who was suffering from a lack of ability due to nervousness and a recent lack of sleep. That he and the previously-disappointed young lady of his companionship immediately started consummating their relationship loud enough to wake neighbors - well, that merely proved the arrow worked.

Skills were intact. Equipment seemed okay. Eros pondered WHY a simple task, the sort he'd done so long for so many years, was something he was failing miserably at.

It didn't take him long to come up with an answer.

"SENBEI, THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!"

Somewhere, far away, Senbei (the so-called god of poverty and mischance) shuddered and tried to hide in a soda pop bottle. "Mistress Marller. Senbei think maybe he have sick day coming up soon?"

----------------------

Sailorjin Timeline:

Air cracked open and two girls appeared in a swirl of maple leaves.

"Why maple leaves?" Shan asked, curious.

"I was *trying* for sakura petals," Sakyo said with a sigh.

"Oh," Shan looked around. "Looks like there was a warzone here. Residual ki energies in air indicate high power output. Suggest caution."

"Maybe something a little more protected than an okonomiyaki chef?" Sakyo nodded. "Unfortunately, at present I can only turn into Ukyo, Shampoo, Kasumi, and Nabiki. I tried to scan Akane for a backup, but she didn't appreciate the gesture."

"She wouldn't. What about Amaterasu?"

"I could duplicate her form, but not her powers or skills. I'd have to make physical contact for skills, and I can't duplicate powers." Sakyo looked around. "Otherwise I'd duplicate your strength and flying abilities."

"Good point. Where do you suppose he is?"

"Not here." Sakyo considered. "It 'feels' like he was here, but moved on... Wait a minute. That's one of his arms."

"Ah. 'A farewell to arms' or at least one of them," Shan nodded as she walked towards it. "Who's the girl?"

"No image match." Sakyo considered the unconscious blonde holding the arm. "I'll be able to tell you soon enough."

Shan watched Sakyo place her hands on either side of the blonde's temples then started looking into the ruined buildings. "Oi vey. It looks like there's a bunch of girls around here who did their best to pulp each other. Marks of some pretty high level ki attacks too."

"Really?" Sakyo continued reading info.

"I'm currently standing in a trench 2.87 meters wide and appears to be 340 meters long."

"That's pretty powerful all right, remember before you go waking anyone up, that you have to survive the initial attack to absorb and learn the technique." Sakyo thought about downloading this information to Shan. It looked like some pretty high level attacks were in this girl's portfolio.

Rubble shifted and Shan shifted into a defensive pose as one of the girls slowly peeled herself out of a form-fitting crater.

"Aiyaaa," said Shan, slipping back into her mother's character.

-----------------

Scene comes by request:

Akane walked into the bathroom, then backed away slowly. She didn't trust it. First she walked into the kitchen, and the water in the sink had ATTACKED her. She'd finally gotten away from it, fleeing out of the kitchen. When she'd come back, everything had been okay at first. Then the SUPPER she had tried to fix had attacked her as soon as she'd added the white wine to her stamina stew! (She'd later discovered it was lemon-scented bleach, mainly because of the remnants of dinner covering her all having that same scent.)

THEN she was outside, trying to unwind from her exertions with a little sparring, when the KOI POND had attacked her! She'd been spun and thrown and bounced around, and had gotten quite motion sick. Then the koi pond had gotten back to normal, but only after imbedding her in the dojo wall.

If THAT hadn't been enough, she'd gone into the furo earlier for a quick rinse and a soak. Unfortunately, when she'd entered the room, it was to discover that the room was literally filled with water that had somehow been contained within the room despite that it should have flooded the whole house. She'd found herself scrubbed, splashed, spun, and finally thrown from the room.

How she'd gotten shaved, her hair combed and braided, a makeover, and dressed in what appeared to be a very tight cheongsam, four blocks away... actually Akane didn't want to think about that too much. It had been a strange evening and she was just looking forward to relaxing.

Her eyes caught one of those odd spheres left behind. She recalled that one had opened up and released Pepe Le Pew. Another had released that kitsune that Kasumi was carrying around. A third had released another kitsune-thing that NABIKI had been playing with. And then there was that evil horse-thing that that American girl had used to cheat in her fight with.

A thought came to her. This one was different. If SHE could use it, then she'd have something with which to fight off those OTHER beasts. Then she'd be arguing from a position of strength, after all, none of these others could hold a candle to her in straight martial arts!

The problem was, would she have any control over it?

Akane backed away. Maybe THEY meant her to have it. Maybe it was trap... Maybe she was supposed to grab it, and it would turn on her! But no, she'd figured it out. She wouldn't fall for such obvious tactics!

Akane started laughing, not realizing how much she sounded like Tatewaki Kuno's sister.

It had been a long day.

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A Class M planet just outside the Lesser Magellanic Cloud:

Thor grumbled and sat back. Contrary to popular belief, Thor did not think of water or bathing as a bad thing. He rather fancied hot springs, cold rains, especially when accompanied by a warm Sif.

A number of the various gods had a "second home" where they could get away from the hustle and bustle of Asgard or the various other little slices of Heaven. These tended to be a bit more "laid back" in design than the Asgardian buildings- which were made to impress or make a statement of some kind. Except for places like the Alley Of Lingering Smells, of course, which were just cast offs from someone else's project.

And because they were homes away from home, out of sight of the majority, they reflected more of the nature of their owners than their official houses.

Which was why a small Norwegian hunting and hot springs lodge could be found on a world orbitting a sun which was at a 90 degree angle from one of the Magellanic clouds and had a wonderful nighttime view of the Milky Way galaxy.

Thor happened to like sitting back with a few kegs of mead, and get reflective while he soaked in a hot spring and watched the galaxy go by. Helped him think. Also tended to put Sif in the mood. One must have priorities after all.

"No, THAT Labor is sufficiently messed up. They're talking seriously about a Reset going back past the point of insertion." Sif shook her head. "Akane's acting as crazy as Kodachi, all of the other characters are going off on their own courses. The little task I had you do earlier wasn't really related to that."

"You gonna tell me what that *was* all about, my love?" Thor was alone with Sif, soaking in a hot tub, the dwarves had put together a particularly nice batch of mead, so far it was a good day to be a God of Thunder.

"Just a bet with some of the other deities." Sif smiled at a thought.

"Not another 'Bet'," groaned Thor.

"Just because of what happened with your OWN entry, dearest?" Sif's tone was lightly teasing.

"It should have worked," Thor argued, and not for the first time. "A small change, just a little prod earlier remembered at the right time."

"Dearest? We've been over this before. Yes, in your templine, as Ranma never *intentionally* deceives Shampoo about his gender, Shampoo therefore never is acting on a precedence for trickery in the relationship and never gets cursed to turn into a cat. I'll admit, it had a level of subtlety that was delightfully unexpected from you."

"Hmmmph." Thor hmmphed. He had thought it was fairly clever and it had LOOKED like it would be a happier timeline. Except that as Shampoo and Ranma drew closer, particularly after one of the times that Akane had declared their relationship never happened, Mousse had decided to up the ante. And Cologne had never arrived in Nerima to teach Ranma the Chestnut Fist.

And Shampoo had died saving the boy she loved from Mousse. And eventually a much subdued Ranma had married Akane, who continued to hold a grudge against him for nearly running off with some filthy gaijin. With a relationship that was pure spousal abuse. But it had gone so WELL up to that point!

"No, it isn't that sort of thing. You know that Grey fellow, don't you?"

"Mortal turned into a demon, screwed up quite a few of his assignments working for those idiots down at the Rival Relief Office, turned into a cyborg, and then given some sort of screwy Twelve Labors crap like they did that loudmouthed Hercules fellow. Nope, never heard of him." Thor sighed. "Why can't we get mortals with some CLASS if they've got to stick around Asgard."

"I thought he was rather handy, actually. Did a good job with the wall over there."

Thor shrugged. "Didn't say he wasn't a nice fellow. Hardworking. Handy if you need some construction work. But he's so... Did you realize when i insulted that girl that was hanging around him, he got in MY face. I slapped him into a wall, of course. And when he got dumped by her, he came around and apologized and admitted I was right."

"Well, my love, I've got a plan for him to end up with a girl who ISN'T going to dump him."

Thor laughed, a big booming laugh that echoed off the mountains. "Sif dearest. You're a goddess. You're not omnipotent. That would be darn close to a grade A miracle."

"We'll see, then. Shall we make a private bet betwixt us?"

"Sif, my dear love, light of my life. Despite popular opinion, I'm NOT that stupid."

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Weird ideas from this chapter that i could see in a more serious fanfic department:

Kasumi introducing Shampoo to the joys of civilization, including chocolate and ice cream.

Ed the Reluctant Pikachu and Officer Kiyone, not the Dirty Pair but the potential is there.

A Sasami capable of throwing a kamehameha if Ryoko and Ayeka destroy her kitchen again.

More on the drawbacks of those bracers.

If you live and work in Heaven, where do you go to get away from it all?

Thor's bet entry. This was dropped from my queue due to time limits and that the entire idea of Shampoo's later behavior (regarding potions, strings, etc) being based on Ranma's own use of trickery would likely cause another storm from the manga police.

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