Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Reluctant Bet (2nd Labor) ❯ Reluctant Pokemon ( Chapter 14 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Reluctant Bet segment 14 "Reluctant Pokemon"

Various things by various authors, set in a high speed blender for three minutes. Chill and enjoy.

Note that i have worked around people with Starch's views, and have run into a few online. i do not share these views.

---------------

"So where is Akane?" Shampoo made a show of looking around. "She go take nice nap not bother us?"

"Oh, I forgot." Kasumi pulled the little sphere out of her pocket. "Akane, come out!" The glow fired out of the sphere coalescing into...

"Akane!" Akane grumbled to no one in particular.

"Oh, what a cute tail!"

"AKA!" Akane checked behind her to find that she did indeed have a tail. It was a fairly cute tail, all things considered. It was just that the red furred leonine tail was HERS that was the concern. "NE! Akakane!"

"Akane! Calm down! The calmer you are, the less you'll change. You only have to last out two days before the Reset."

"KAKA!" Akane glared at the ceiling. How could she be calm when she had a TAIL! "NE!"

"Ears are longer, hair's redder, and are those fangs?" Ukyo stared. "Everytime she yells, she changes more."

"AKAAAAA!" Akane blinked as she realized she'd just sent a gout of flame at the ceiling. "NE?!"

Shampoo gestured dramatically with her bracer. "Naiad! Put out the fire!"

*SPLOOOSH!*

"Shampoo meant put out fire on ceiling, not girl with fire temper."

*SPLOOSH!*

Akane stared at the ceiling. Had SHE done that? Akane tried to breathe flames and made a little cone of reddish flames. "Aka?!"

"Akane! Return!" Kasumi held up the pokeball, not wanting to suffer through any more fire damage. Akane squeaked as she was sucked in. She had wanted to try out this new technique.

-------------------

Another universe:

"An Angel Is Approaching, repeat, an Angel is Approaching..."

"This does NOT look like Nerima," accussed Jared.

Shan thought about it as she lowered her arms. "Some random factor must have altered our transport."

Everyone paused, blinked, and slowly turned to regard the batwinged girl in their presence. Who blinked and looked nervous at the attention but quite obviously had no clue as to what they were talking about.

"Damn that Doctor Lorelei," Sakyo said as she watched the nervous young girl.

"People who are scared pull some pretty bonehead manuevers," remarked Jared. "She knew the cyborg body he arrived in was too complicated to repair and came up with the marionette solution as a means of both keeping him alive and keeping some control."

"Ick. The city's being attacked by a spider. I hate spiders." Makoto made a face.

Jared smiled. "Well, you know, I feel like working off some stress myself."

"Just be sure you know what you're doing this time," reminded Sakyo. "Remember what happened when you tried to raise their Shogun from the grave..."

Jared winced. "Okay, maybe that HADN'T been my best idea."

--------------

*BOOM!*

Shinji stopped and looked up at the rattling pipes above. "That didn't sound like artillery. Are they dropping N2 mines on the city?!"

*CRACKLE! BOOM!*

"Dumbkopf! How can an idiot like you be related to the Commander? They'll do whatever they need to stop that angel!"

*POOM* *ZAP* *POOM POOM POOM*

"Those sounds do not match an N2 mine or any ordinance I'm familiar with." Rei turned and headed down a corridor.

*BLAM CRACK BLAM*

"Wait a minute, *I* am the party leader!" Asuka watched as the two under her command decided to obey Curiosity's dictates instead. "So, we need to reconn the situation!"

*ZZZZZZZZZACK!*

Behind the cold, emotionless, mask that she normally wore, Rei wondered if she ought not to have Asuka cloned to see if they could make one that wasn't suffering from near perpetual PMS. Maybe they could grow Shinji a backbone while they were at it. Not that she would say anything like that. Then frowned, there was a disturbance in the air, like a ripple getting weaker as it passed. These odd musings had cropped up as it had passed her. Perhaps it was something like an AT-field?

"What the heck was that?" Shinji looked around as the Something passed him. "It almost felt like..."

"Oh shut up," grumbled Asuka. "Ah, here's the door, we'll just take a quick peek and..."

Shinji and Rei looked out the door. Shinji's jaw dropped. Rei blinked and frowned ever so slightly. Asuka merely stared.

"Amazing what they're doing with AT fields nowadays," Asuka managed after a moment.

"Are those Angels fighting the Angel?" Shinji finally got his jaw working.

"What are you asking ME for?" Asuka continued to stare.

"Perhaps because you are the one who declared yourself the leader." Rei didn't look at Asuka, still trying to figure out what the flying figures were.

"KAME HAME HA!"

"SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON!"

"MIRV!"

The Angel took the attacks on a segment of AT field so concentrated it was visible to the naked eye. The field held but the impact flipped the Angel over.

"I didn't know you could do that," Shinji remarked.

"POWER OF THE WOLF, REVISED." Some girl with her hair in a ponytail pointed her hands above her head. "RAGING WOLF PILEDRIVER!" She brought both hands down and fired a blast of energy at the Angel.

"Cracks appearing in an AT field?" Asuka watched in disbelief as the spider scuttled a bit further away.

"If they kill it, there is a serious danger of an explosion." Rei said this with a calm a voice as ever.

Shinji yelped and ducked back through the door after Rei.

Asuka sneered. "Don't be silly. In order to kill an Angel you need an EVA. Everybody knows that!"

-------------

"Ya know, I think I'd pay to see him go up against Marller." Urd watched Sailorjin ki bolts, vastly destructive spells, and fusion powered energy blasts slamming into the AT field.

The air rippled and someone stepped forward. "Hey, Urd! Bell! How y'all doing?"

Urd blinked. "Edema? What brings... oh. You're helping out the Rival Relief Office?"

The drow mage waggled a finger. "Not quite. Heard y' were having some trouble. Talked to the Old Man over in the Rival Relief Office and he put together some 'RRO Emergency Kits' for y'all. Urd, you and Bell ain't got a lotta raw power, so some tools might help ye out."

Sakyo looked over the darkelf Southern Belle and wondered how to broach the possibility of doing a backup of her.

"What's in here?" Urd started riffling through the fanny pack that Edema handed her.

"They've got the standard stuff for non-deity types out on the RRO job." Edema handed a pack to each of the Belldandies. "Oh, and if a couple of the Bells and an Urd would like to leave with me..."

"Why?" Belldandy merely hooked the pack into place around her waist.

"The longer you remain seperated, the more you'll develop and stabilize as different individuals. Besides, I think I've got jobs for a couple of you." Edema didn't bother handing a pack to Sakyo or Banana, and there was no way she'd go up there to talk with that Makoto. On a second thought, she did hand one to Banana to give to the Mage. "Tell the Mage that Grey wanted him to have one of these."

"Nearly Universal Translator, Traveller's Basic Medpack, SPF 90 sunblock, Lunchbox, Everfilling mug, towel, rubber chicken," Urd rummaged through her pack. "Looks pretty standard. Ah, you gave me the 'Junior Alchemist's Playset'? Very funny, Edema."

"Couldn't resist, honey. Besides, it beats what you WERE carrying with you." Edema scratched her head. "Kinda wonder what the Mage is doing here, though. Oh well, I gotta get back to my store. If you three will come along, I'll explain the deal."

Two Belldandy and an Urd left, which caused Banana to start crying. She apparently hated it when friends left.

--------------

Jared landed, thinking that the fight had placed the opponent outside the city limits just enough for some of the big guns to come out.

"BIG BANG ATTACK!" Shan agreed.

Makoto merely yelled something incoherent and fired a quick burst from a different angle.

Jared merely smirked. He remembered having gotten a crystal spellbook from a certain cyborg and defeating the encryption method that had concealed ANOTHER spell after he'd transferred the contents of that spellbook to his own.

After all, how could he resist something more powerful than a Dragon Slave?

"Brightness beyond the sun,
Golden beyond the moon."

Jared wondered where the stereo effect was coming, lagging a half beat behind him, but couldn't spare the concentration to deal with it during the middle of a spell.

"From the Seat of All Creation,
I bring my target doom.
Let the forces gather here,
in my unworthy hand,
contained so as not to harm,
those who with me stand."

That this also was more contained than a Dragon Slave was also something that made this attractive.

"ArcAngel Sword!" Jared brought his hand down as if wielding a two-handed sword and making a strike in the direction of the rallying spider-thing.

The spider stopped moving.

"ArcAngel Sword!"

Jared looked over at Shan. "If you could do magic, I'd be worried."

The AT field gleamed and fell in half. Then in quarters. So did the spider. Several hills collapsed from being sliced, though not dramatically as the slices were so thin as to be nearly invisible.

"Technique acquired," said Shan. "Airen is so good to Shan!"

Jared groaned and turned back to the group, mumbling something about "not again."

----------------

Sakyo worried about her sister. Even though they were cyborgs whose organic parts were born of different mothers, in a sense they were nonidentical twins that shared a link deeper than twins. Even though they were creatures of technology and magic and humans, they were quite vulnerable in matters of the heart.

Their programming, and to some extent their identity, was tied up in service to a master. That had been Grey. However, Grey was currently the blonde bat winged girl (somehow the golden hair and wing color made her less diabolical looking than if she were a brunette) in the not-very-concealing top (the only thing they'd found that had the back open enough for the wings and she still hadn't figured out how to shapechange) that was currently going over to some redhaired girl to make friends.

Banana just did NOT fit the image of a proper Master. Shan had dumped him, somehow her directives had gotten confused during that fight with Jared-san, and now the Shampoo-daughter ws acting as if Jared were her beloved Master.

Sakyo nibbled her bottom lip as she considered. Would SHE become unloyal to her Master? She hadn't known him long but she knew Grey to be kind and thoughtful. By the time he returned, would she even be able to summon any loyalty for him?

Jared walked into their midst again, a bit stiffly. Perhaps that was because a perky Amazon was wrapped around him.

--------------------

Target Timeline:

Starch looked around at Japan and thought she'd been transported to paradise.

"Ah, mamselle, do you perhaps know ze way to ze Tendo Dojo? I..." Pepe took a better look at the woman in front of him. He ran, screaming in horror, either having failed a morale check or made an intelligence check.

Starch shrugged and continued to watch her prey. Schoolgirls, starched linen skirts moving in the breeze. Just waiting for the education that Starch could provide them. Starch licked her lips and made note of the location.

AFTER Shampoo and her twin had been properly broken, then Starch vowed she could come back and "play" with these children.

It was their bodies, of course, and no evil authority figure from some stupid patriarchal society should restrict their ability to seek pleasure. Stupid Christians and the like, forbidding the joys of the flesh simply because their bodies were not yet fully bloomed. How much better things would be if they could understand all the pleasures a master of such things could teach them, instead of subjecting themselves to the fumbling experiments that would follow in their later years.

Starch moved off, vowing to work off some frustration when she found Shampoo...

------------------------

"Black furred stray cat struttin' on a fence
Ain't got enough dough to pay the rent
I'm flat broke but I don't care
I strut right by with my tail in the air."

"Stray cat strut, I'm a ladies' cat...
I'm a feline catsanova, (hey, man, that's sad)
Get insults thrown at me from my mean old man!
Get my dinner any way that I can..."

"Meow, yeah, don't cross my path now!"

"I don't bother chasin' mice around.
I slink down the alley, lookin' for a fight
Howlin' to the moonlight on a hot summer night."

"Singin' the blues while the lady-cats cry,
Wow, stray cat, you're a real gone guy
I know you can be just as carefree and wild
Cause we got cat class and we got cat style!"

"Shampoo, how many times are you going to replay this tape?"

"SHAMPOO LIKE THIS!" The Chinese girl turned a tearfully joyful face towards the others. "Shampoo win! Shampoo be hero! Shampoo get good lines!"

"Actually, I think Akane got most of the good lines." Kasumi frowned.

"AKA?!" Akane looked thoughtful. "Akane. NE." She nodded. She HAD gotten a lot of good lines as the sometimes-friendly/sometimes-hostile rival and foil.

"Don't chew your tail, sis, you'll just get split ends." Nabiki smiled as Akane just responded by sticking her tongue out. It looked like Akane was beginning to cope with it all.

"Fooo," commented Akane, making sure to send the little smoke ring off in a safe direction.

"So that's how our timeline originally ended up," Ukyo mused thoughtfully. "That bit at the end where your Grandmom received the letter and photo was kind of nice. Gave a feel of closure while leaving things open in case they wanted to do a sequel."

"Photo of Shampoo with child, handsome husband behind, small cafe behind..." Shampoo almost did a credible Soun Tendo waterfall. "Was so beautiful! Play end lyrics again!"

"You've already requested them three times, Shampoo!"

Shampoo pouted to everyone else's amusement.

Akane accepted a rice cracker from Kasumi and nibbled it, not realizing that she was doing so in the manner of a squirrel. She snickered at Shampoo briefly, feeling herself relax slightly. Okay, she was turning into an inhuman monster, her elder sister kept putting her in a pokeball (which was oddly warm and comfortable), and she had this horrible craving for jalapeno salsa mixed with wasabi. At least nothing ELSE was going wrong.

Thunder rumbled.

----------------------

An Evangelion Timeline:

Jared stood back and inspected his work briefly. Nodding once, he put away the can of "pigments of Blackmoor" into his newly acquired "official Rival Relief Office" fannypack. He'd always liked Bags Of Holding and the like, and one designed to be safe in folded space was always a plus. Being able to get some of the RRO gadgets without having to join an agency that was essentially a cosmic joke had been kind of nice.

Glancing at Banana, Jared decided he'd have to thank Grey for it whenever he showed up again.

He decided to use the #3 Permanency spell to seal the effects.

"Thanks, Yui-chan!" Banana chirped as she addressed a point in midair. "I'm sure we'll be able to grant your wish, no problem!"

"So," Jared said to the alu-fiend, "the curse that keeps you wandering as you try to navigate dimensionally is tied to your duties as a member of the Rival Relief Office. You aren't so much lost as getting sidetracked by summonings?"

Banana blinked. "Huh?"

Jared sighed, remembering that Banana still was mentally a child with no memory of being Grey. "Never mind, don't know why I bothered actually."

"They is OK?"

"I just hit them with a 'Hold Monster.' It seems to work on clones of angels as well as violent Germanic primadonnas."

"Yui made them... 'fumble their saving throws.'" Banana frowned, not understanding the phrase. She didn't see where anything but the spell had been thrown. "She say that you needed to fix..."

"Gendo's little red wagon, I know." Jared smirked. Some of these RRO missions looked like they could be amusing. Granting a wish to Gendo's deceased but soul-trapped wife to derail his plans... Jared had never seen 'End Of Evangelion' but had the gist down. Not a happy ending. And derailing plans for mass genocide by a Machiavellian mad scientist was just too good to pass up.

"We go now." Shan said. "We try go ahead of airen and former-Master to do backups just in case they does reset. You be OK?"

"Fine," said Jared offhandedly, reading the Permanency spell off the scroll. The scroll puffed into flame at the completion, and Jared released the Hold Monster just before the Permanency struck.

"What you do?" Banana watched carefully but was currently unable to decipher the Mage's actions. Her attention wandered as two of her friends left, but she had a feeling this was important somehow.

Jared dusted his hands and grinned. "Giving the good guys a better chance."

"I..." Shinji looked up at the man with the flaming hair. Why did he have a sudden urge to go out and commit acts of righteousness? To find out what a code of chivalry was and hew to it?

Asuka blinked. There was something that she had to do. "Are you an Angel?"

"No, though I am a High Lord among my people, and I have come at the bequest of one who loves you three very much to speak of many things." Jared made sure his pearlescent armor was showing, as well as the crown he was entitled to wear.

"Many things?" Rei wondered at the sudden depths of feelings blossoming within her. She also felt a deep seated need, but also... amusement?

"Of chivalry and honor. Of duty and piety. Of the Code of the Knight and of the Martial Artist. Of the need to fight the Helspawn that you mistakenly call Angels, and of the need to fight injustice and evil where you find it." Jared shrugged. "And since I am royalty, if not from around here, and of the Cause, to knight you three. Though I'll have to use the battlefield expedient version."

The three were quite anxious to learn, feeling that something had been missing out of their previous lives that this could fill.

Urd sighed and sat back, then noticed Banana's continued puzzled looks. "Over here, child, stay out of his way while he works."

"What's he doing?" Banana chewed on her lower lip nervously.

"Pigments of Blackmoor. Application of a certain pigment makes the individual act as if they were of a particular profession/mindset for the duration of the spell. Raises their abilities to the appropriate levels, all that sort of thing." Urd smirked as she regarded the group. "They were all treated with 'paladin' pigment. So if their scores were lower, they now have: 15 Strength, Constitution and Dexterity, 17 Charisma, 10 Intelligence and 11 Wisdom. Other benefits include an immunity to fear, they are largely resistant to mind altering spells now that its in place. Of course, that doesn't cover the effects of the Pigment itself. Immune to disease, frequently able to cure diseases in others.

"They prefer closing to melee to fight, can ride horses of all sorts. Oh, and while the Pigment is active, they can summon a +3 longsword. Then he capped it off with a Permanency Spell type three. Which is essentially an Yggdrasil request to make a spell everlasting."

"Oh," said Banana, not understanding most of that.

"Those things have five uses," Urd pondered aloud. "I wonder if he'll get Akane with one of the remaining doses."

"Who?" Banana cheered up at the thought that NEW friends might be joining them soon.

"Never mind," Urd said, regarding the girl by her side. She decided that she LIKED this girl. It would be a pity to see her "die" when Grey returned, but Urd couldn't think of a way that would allow both to survive.

In the background, Jared was in the process of knighting an eager Rei Ayanami.

-----------------------

Target Universe:

The air split and two figures stood on what had been an empty street.

"Damn, you're good at this," Sakyo commented.

Shan grinned and winked as she lowered her arms. "If Shan has been to a timeline, Shan can go there immediately. If Grey has been to a timeline, Shan likewise can get there. Hmmm. Shan wonders if Shan can switch that to Jared-sama?"

Sakyo winced at the reminder of her sister's changed loyalties. "Well, let's go make backups of the others. No telling when that Reset will take place."

"Shan know."

"And afterwards," a plan gelled in Sakyo's mind, "afterwards I've got another plane to go to."

---------------------

Starch stumbled to a halt, seeing Shampoo's purple haired twin flying overhead with one of those Japanese girls.

Grinning, she made note of the direction the two were travelling at such speed and made her best speed that way.

----------------------

Evangelion Timeline:

Night had fallen, giving a few minutes of darkness before the lights slowly came on across Tokyo 3.

"Ready?" Jared looked over his shoulder at where Urd and Belldandy stood poised.

Urd licked her lips in anticipation, fingers hovering over the keyboard of a laptop computer. "Ready for a LOT of things. And... Good Evening, Melchior!"

Banana merely blinked, understanding WHAT her part was, just not the WHY or the HOW or really even the parts of WHAT that weren't written on the sheet of paper in her hands.

"Get ready, Banana." Jared turned back to Urd. "Well?"

"I've suggested it to the Magi, they're discussing it. They agree this seems likely to be a Road To Hell, but don't think their own programming will let them interfere." Urd tapped a key. "I'm sending them the key to those shackles, giving them the option of trading the Loyalty To Gendo fetters for the modified Three Laws Of Robotics."

"Huh?" Banana asked.

"One, a robot may not harm nor allow a human being to come to harm. Two, a robot must act to allow humans the maximum amount of happiness and personal freedom possible, even to allowing violation of rule one if the human can be said to understand the consequences of that action. Three, a robot will act to preserve its own existence where laws one and two do not conflict. The original way Asimov worded the laws might have had humans put in cages by their robot masters." Urd smiled as she watched the display change. For a sysop of Yggdrasil, this had been a piece of cake.

"They've accepted the new Laws," Belldandy said aloud with a smile.

"Signing off on THAT, booting up on the Commweb." Urd's fingers flew, a mischievous grin on her face. "Got it. Everything's ready. Rei, Banana, Bell, let's do it!"

Four girls sang, their song going out over the Emergency NERV frequency, and then to retransmitters all across the world. Some didn't play the song, some did, some didn't even notice they were doing it.

Jared cast a spell that was carried along with the song. One that carried the scent of Truth, one that carried images and would stir just the right memories in all who heard the song.

"After the turn of the century,
In the clear blue skies over Tokyo-3,
Came a roar and a thunder like you'd never heard,
the deadly sounds of some Angel bird.

In a geofront, deep under the Earth,
A twisted little man of little mirth,
Millions have died,
and thousands have cried,
All a monument to Ikari's pride.

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty million or more,
Gendo and SEELE are rolling up a score,
Many good men died to end that spree,
of the Beast 666- Gendo Ikari!

From out of the shadows, three heroes arose!
A Germanic knight, and an albino
One of the heroes, the Beast's own son,
who knew on his honor what had to be done!

Now Yui Ikari had had enough of this mess,
So her husband's death she had to bless,
Divine intervention she hoped they would send,
And so she prayed that help they could lend.

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty million or more,
Gendo and SEELE are rolling up a score,
Many good men died to end that spree,
of the Beast 666- Gendo Ikari!

Old Gendo Ikari, he was in a fix!
His plans come apart like a bundle of sticks.
His conspiracy's web was tattered and cut,
That he'd be a god, while others went splut!

So Gendo Ikari, and Old Men of SEELE,
they done lost all their previous appeal,
lynched by their minions, and torn to shreds,
even their leader was better off dead.

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty million or more,
Gendo and SEELE are rolling up a score,
Many good men died to end that spree,
of the Beast 666- Gendo Ikari!"

There came a roar from inside NERV headquarters as of some beast with a thousand throats, all of whom suddenly KNEW what had to happen for them to avoid becoming seawater with their souls ripped from their bodies and orbiting the earth forevermore.

Somewhere deep inside NERV HQ, Gendo Ikari accidently fell down an elevator shaft.

-----------------

Target Timeline:

Sakyo was doing a backup of Ukyo. Kasumi was sweeping. Shampoo was fretting over the possibility of watching "Cat Scratch Fever" at least one more time before the Reset. Shan was musing over ways to best win the affection of Jared san while ignoring Nabiki's attempts to bribe or convince Shan to take her offplane during the Reset period.

"Not do that unless Jared-airen say so. Even Shan know may be very dangerous do this."

"Excuse me, 'Jared-airen'?" Nabiki felt she was missing part of the story, and with any sort of Doom hanging over her head that this was inexcusable.

"Jared is airen! Is fated love, he defeat Shan in combat, prove he strong husband!"

"Something got screwed up in short term memory during a sparring match. Jared is apparently a powerful mage who used a spell that had side effects." Sakyo didn't open her eyes but continued to mainly concentrate on the task at hand. "It was an eventful time, and Urd cautioned me about different universes having different time rates. It may take them some time to catch up."

Nabiki wasn't satisfied with a brief. "Let me get onto this bit about..."

The front door exploded. This kind of brought the conversations to a halt.

"Well well well. I may despise Christians and those other props for the weak of mind- religions, but it looks like I arrived on Christmas Day. Just look at all the brightly wrapped packages for me to open..."

"STARCH?!" Shampoo was beside herself. Literally as Shan was reacting much the same. "How did you get out of your cave?!"

"It's time for you and me to par-ty. Lose your inhibitions and submit to me, Shampoo." Starch looked around the crowd. "I can see that I've got a lot of toys here. You can make this easy on yourself, or I can educate you in the joys of..."

"RRRraaaaaggghhhhhhhhh!" A low warning growl indicated that someone was very unhappy with the idea of someone threatening her family.

Akane had discovered how to speed up the process, and had rushed it over the past few hours. Curiosity, a growing contentment with the transformation, and the sense of power had proven an irresistable combination. Now a mountain lion with a flaming tail tuft glowered at Starch.

"A KA NE!" Her subtitles however read something more along the line of "Well, look at what the cat is about to drag OUT!"

"Well, another of your beasts, Shampoo?" Starch was hardly concerned. "Call it off or I'll see what a good coat it makes."

"AKA? NE!" The pyrion asked very politely if the overdone tramp would care to step outside and discuss this.

"Oh dear," said Kasumi.

"Actually, Kasumi, you're Akane's trainer. That means you're supposed to give the fight commands." Nabiki was just observing and extrapolating. It was a good guess.

Starch flipped over Akane, grabbed Kasumi and pulled her into a tight kiss. When she let go of Kasumi to avoid Akane's rush, Kasumi fell rather heavily to the floor.

"Oh, that's right." Kasumi said to the ceiling. Someone else's tongue had been in her mouth. Without permission. And apparently the party of the second part chewed tobacco or at least smoked heavily. Kasumi noted from the way her clothes felt, that her undergarments had been stolen. How completely not nice. "Akane, would you please... Oh to heck with it. Hurt her. Severely."

Akane grinned. Music to her ears.

----------------

The air rippled and popped on a street not far away.

"Hmmm. Looks kinda primitive," Makoto launched herself and started observing the local environment.

Belldandy took a look at Banana. "Oh my, you look so cute like that."

Jared winced. "Uhm. Banana, apparently the directive that you look like Ranma in a Ranma timeline is still partially active."

"I'm shorter," remarked the redhaired, redwinged, girl as she tried to examine herself. "But bigger here."

Jared winced again. "Don't do that in public. Apparently you're Ranko or Ranma-chan while you're here. So you'll be my little sister for this part."

"Okay, oniichan!" Ranko smiled cutely.

"No pigtail, and your hair is too long, and those *red* batwings and fangs detract but otherwise, yeah, you look like Ranma's female form. I wonder..."

Ranko eeeped as hot water splashed into her from no apparent source. "Oniichan! That's hot!"

The single Cathian beast that Jared had chosen as a companion for this mission yawned. Wasn't it naptime?

-----------------

The battle raged.

Akane's new form had five times her normal strength and stamina. Her speed had increased by more than a factor of ten. Her claws were harder than steel, her bite could shear through battleship armor plate, and she could breathe flames hot enough to turn a rice cooker into glowing metal slag (Kasumi was still a bit upset about the demonstration of this last).

Starch was a martial artist nearly of Happosai's level, but even more perverted and nasty. Her strength, reach, and level of dirty trickiness actually exceeded Happosai. (Whom she considered to be a rank beginner, a talented individual but one with entirely too many morals to make an effective martial artist.)

Akane was just beginning to tire when Starch threw something in the lion's eyes.

"And now, the coup de grace!" Starch raised a single chopstick overhead, preparing to hit a final pressure point that would leave the beast crippled.

"KAME HAME HA!"

Starch was startled and barely dissipated the chi attack in time.

"Knightshade, bind her!"

"Sylph, Whirlwind attack."

"Naiad, wash that pepper out of Akane's eyes!"

Starch continued to fight, but at one point she was tripped by Knightshade.

She didn't last very long after that.

------------------

The Evangelion Universe, Two weeks later.

"Ritsuko? I've got a request here from all three pilots for stables to be erected both at their homes, school, and here at the geofront. Then for a horse track and..." Misato rubbed the back of her head. "A jousting arena so they can 'tilt wi blunt an humane weapons for the joy o' the fine sport o' knighthood?"

Ritsuko rubbed her tired eyes, since becoming the head of NERV life had been hard on her. "Has anyone found where they *got* those horses? Or where they keep those swords they're always pulling out?"

Maya brought her boss coffee. "Have they pulled steel on any more bullies or small time petty gangsters at their school again?"

"They've never *hurt* anyone." Misato found it odd she was defending them.

Ritsuko pulled a report out of the pile and began tiredly to read. "Let's see. One instance of Shinji cutting a steel water pipe in half with a blow to demonstrate to a school bully that he'd better not mess with people again. Rei stopping by sick students and at least one count of her curing a terminally ill patient. Three accounts of them breaking up gangs in their off hours. Asuka and Shinji both got shot and later declared them to be 'just flesh wounds' and of no consequence. Then they were better by the next day, both claimed it was their virtue that did it - or we have another report of them laying their hands over the wounds and *that* curing it." She turned a page. "Then them dueling at school, joining karate and a couple fencing clubs until it was amply demonstrated they were better at blades than the teachers. Now Shinji *teaches* a class on swordsmanship. Asuka's taken to wearing gowns as has Rei, only while Rei visits the sick our redhaired amazon practices music as a 'ladylike discipline'."

Maya set aside the tray. "And they're always cutting down flagpoles so they can stick things with them, riding those horses of theirs. Have we tried restraining their mounts?"

Misato nodded. "Yes, several times. Those horses are escape artists. At one point two of them served as a ramp to the third who went over a wall to open the gate for the rest. Our handlers we've brought in say they've never dealt with horses so smart or determined. And when we try direct measures, shackling them or tying them, the animals fought and practically killed the men who tried it. Once when a trainer pulled out a tranquilizer rifle to get at them *that* way, Rei happened to be on scene, cut the man's weapon in half, menaced him with her sword, and
declared openly that anyone who'd hurt their steeds was 'a villain, a rogue, and one not worthy of life.' Then lodged a complaint asking that he be fired."

Ritsuko nodded wearily. "I turned it down. But when I explained why all three pilots got together and proclaimed they 'could not serve a lord with such low regard for their mounts.' And I had to do some swift backpedalling to keep them all from quitting en mass."

A moment of silence.

"Has the search for new pilots gone anywhere?"

"None with half the strength of Rei when she started. The best can barely get an Eva moving." Ritsuko sighed. "And you KNOW what's happened to their synch ratios of late."

"I suppose we ought to go ahead and paint the Evas like they wanted." Misato grudged the thought.

Maya was lifting up a paper, swinging her legs as she sat on the boss' desk. "Well, the idea of a shield as standard available equipment for each Eva has merit, and their ideas for adding to the armor have to be looked at, but appear sound."

"We'll have to repaint those crazy heraldric symbols each time they get damaged."

"True."

There was another moment of silence.

"Asuka's plans for an extended prog knife bear consideration, especially considering their skill with swords now. And once she'd done some studying, her plan was quite complete." Misato played with the thought.

"She does have a college degree." Ritsuko reduced her sagging a bit. "At her age that has some meaning."

"Their grades have shot up." Misato offered, beginning to think she could live with this. "Especially in Phys Ed. They're performing on the level of experienced athletes. Not Olympic level yet, but then they aren't specialized in anything either, unless you count fencing - but
there they'd rather take a few blows for the chance to really deal some damage."

"Not standard fencing rules," Maya offered.

"Though practical, considering that's the way fighting Angels has turned out. You know." Misato took the plunge. "If they want to play warrior on us, who's to say they're not entitled?"

Ritsuko raised her head the rest of the way. "Because they are willful and uncooperative with NERV regulations, putting themselves needlessly at risk, indulging in unapproved side activities, and rejecting standard treatment."

"They DO insist that everyone stop calling our enemy 'Angels', and call them 'Hellspawn' all of the time." Maya put in. "Though that DOES give... never mind." Maya wilted under the look from her boss. Pointing out the increased pun opportunities with the name change didn't seem quite what her boss wanted.

"Claiming Divine Visitation doesn't help either. In fact their psych profiles look like a major episode." Ritsuko complained, letting out a breath and leaning back in her chair, staring at a wall.

"Just maybe," Misato leaned across the desk seriously. "We ought to stop complaining when what we've GOT here was a trade of one major set of serious imbalances for one that works entirely in our favor - if we allow for the horses. I mean, that courage, honor, and bravery complex... Could anyone think of a more USEFUL personality shift considering the job they're in?"

The Magi, of course, remained quiet.

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Weird ideas i couldn't put anywhere else section:

quite a bit actually.

Pyrion pyro + lion. Akane as a sleek, charismatic, lionlike pokemon. What, you thought i'd go for something cliche like a slowbro?

Some of the bits originated with Skysaber, the original tune of "Snoopy Vs The Red Baron" was by the Royal Guardsmen, and Akane getting a powerup was requested.

There was a set of novels i read YEARS ago (before many of you were born) called "the Humanoids" (i think that was the title) in which robots programmed with Asimov's Three Laws decided that humans were irresponsible creatures that couldn't be trusted to look after themselves and so put them in cages where they were drugged and cared for. While some might regard this as a good thing, i don't - hence the altered Laws Of Robotics.

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