Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Reluctant Bet (2nd Labor) ❯ The New Chinese Emperor ( Chapter 24 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

RELUCTANT BET segment 24 "The First Emperor Of China?"

various char by various other people.

---------

Akane wept aloud upon reading the postcard. "DAD! KASUMI! NABIKI!"

The others were waiting, Nabiki having gotten the postcard first and noting the neatly cramped handwriting.

Akane was practically glowing. "It's from Ranko! She survived! It's postmarked from the new capital of China!"

"Oh, really, Akane?" Nabiki feigned polite interest despite having read it several hours ago when she first got home.

"How nice," agreed Kasumi.

"Dear Akane & Family,
Hope you are all doing well. I am sorry that I was not able to contact you earlier, but due to the international news blackout regarding the events in China this is my first chance. I can't put much on this little postcard, so I'll tell you the rest when I arrive in Japan Saturday.
Ranko"

"Tomorrow's Saturday," pointed out Soun. "Half a day of school, then the Emperor's party is coming in."

"That's what probably delayed the letter. Security is really up in and out of China since the Second Cultural Revolution. The press will be having a field day." Nabiki smirked at her sister as if she knew something little sister didn't. "Since China closed their borders no details have been coming out. Just that some little village in the Bayankalas started a nationwide revolution, there's a new Emperor now, who doesn't like the title but tolerates the term 'Prince' in his presence."

Kasumi added a moment later. "And every story coming out of there is more fantastic than the last. UFOs, genies, giant robots, transforming giant robots, forests appearing overnight, flying cities, dragons..."

"Yeah, but when Ranko gets here we'll be able to hear directly from HER. She was there at the beginning, and she's out now that it's ending." Akane smiled and clutched the postcard to her chest. "My Ranko's coming back. THAT's the important thing."

--------

The day finally came, Akane raced home from school to bathe, put on makeup, and wear her BEST formal kimono. She wanted everything perfect for when Ranko returned to her life!

Akane could hardly contain herself. She loved Ranko. Simply, unconditionally, completely. Okay, Ranko was a dingbat. Innocent and sweet but still a dingbat. Thoroughly clueless with regard to a lot of things. That just meant she needed someone to look after her, to guide her and protect her.

Akane felt she was perfect for that role.

It had been years since the incident in Ryugenzawa. Ranko had protected her and had only been with them for a few weeks. She'd been Akane's best friend and confidante after the first day. Although Ranko had spent a lot of time with Kasumi and Nabiki, Akane had gotten her first crush on the perky little girl with the batwings and angelic demeanor.

Akane had nightmares about her mother's death, and Ranko had been there. Holding Akane and murmurring words of comfort into the older girl's ear. Akane could still remember Ranko's scent on that hot summer night, particularly the smell of Ranko's hair. The overwhelming feelings of peace and contentment as Akane cried it out on Ranko's shoulder, that here was someone who *truly* cared for her.

Akane had declared that she would marry Ranko shortly thereafter. And then the effort made to find Ranko's mother, even though Ranko had given them a false last name and a story about how her REAL mother hadn't wanted her. So Ranko had left in the night. Akane had cried for a week afterwards.

Then a postcard had arrived. Then the occasional precious letter. Akane had been all for hunting Ranko down. If Ranko had to leave, then Akane would leave! She'd been talked out of it, though it had been a trying time for all concerned.

Now, finally, the oft-fantasized return of Ranko was imminent. Akane changed from the kimono to a gi, what if Ranko were in trouble!

Okay, if Ranko had been a boy, it would have been even more perfect as far as her family was concerned. That was okay, her love for Ranko wasn't based on some silly sexual thing- it was pure and unsullied by such trappings.

Akane realized that she still didn't know Ranko's REAL last name. First it had been Takahashi, then Mizuma, and finally she'd gone by the name Saotome. It didn't matter. Ranko was her darling precious and they'd soon be together - the way it was supposed to be.

And she'd never let Ranko go again.

---------

Soun was riveted to the television, quickly joined by Nabiki after school had let out. Kasumi wandered in after listening to Akane changing clothes and her makeup the fourth time.

The ships that pulled into the harbor were sleek and huge. Three were simply big enough to qualify as tankers. The one dubbed the "big momma" by the press was three times the size of a supertanker.

Ramps from the smaller ships disgorged colorful groups which set up a path leading to the big one. One group was entirely composed of warrior women, their banner of a golden dragon held proudly by a purple haired girl who looked quite similar to the next in line.

The group from the second ship was obviously of some exotic locale, blonde or red hair seemed dominant. They carried a number of weapons, mainly old fashioned polearms and other archaic weapons. Some rode TIGERS. At their head was the banner of a winged sword.

The third and last group prompted Nabiki to call out. "Hey, Akane! Ranko's on TV."

*ZIP!* Akane had been in the process of changing clothes for a fifth time but came running anyway. "Oh, my poor Ranko. What hardships have you endured?"

Zipping around at the front of the procession was a redhaired batwinged Japanese girl of about fourteen. What she led were a group of traditional looking soldiers, wearing their BDU (best dress uniform), with a few really odd ones in flight suits and the like.

The gates to the main ship opened up.

Unfortunately, that is where a middle aged TV executive named Karano Kabuto put a commercial break. Which was followed promptly by his becoming a middle aged ex-TV executive.

-------

commercial break:

Ifurita is throwing blasts at Makoto Mizuhara, who is dodging around wildly. Jinnai is cackling madly in the background when Ifurita suddenly grinds to a halt.

JINNAI: "What are you doing, you stupid doll?! Get him!"

MAKOTO examines her. "Oh, here's your problem, you used SUPERVOLT batteries. Hmmm. I wonder what would happen if I put in some Re-Energizer batteries!"

Ifurita powers up like Goku, including little aura. She addresses Makoto. "Master. What are your orders?"

Makoto blushes: "Well, I *do* have a few ideas."

Ifurita flies off into the sunset with Makoto while Jinnai screams in futile rage.

Announcer: "Re-energizer, because so much is riding on your batteries."

---------

The parade was in full swing. A chirpy little alu-fiend flitting about overhead with a vidcam courtesy of Skywing Studios.

In front were dozens of Chinese women whipping martial arts weapons around in elegant manuevers.

Behind the Amazon contingent came a squad of high tech soldiers marching in precision in uniforms that gleamed in the afternoon sun.

Six months prior:

"Do they really think they can win?" Shampoo played with the jeweled coronet idly tilted rakishly on her head while watching the troops below.

Jared was having a tougher time of it. "No. They are just so used to their old system, so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the way things were that they'll fight and bleed out their own lives rather than accept change. Many of those who *were* in power will do anything other than relinquish that." He sighed. "It turns out that assassinating their top leadership only broke the country up into petty warlords, we *still* have to kill their army."

Nene Romanova grinned within her Knight Saber helmet. THEY'D gotten that duty, and Jay-chan had come along! Now he trusted them enough that, with Nam and Lou and the other sexaroids now having suits, the nine Knight Sabers were his PERSONAL BODYGUARDS!

Which meant staying near him while he slept, of course. Though she wished she had room in this helmet to wear her tiara.

Sylia was already working on that for their next design.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Beloved Emperor." Cologne smirked, as the only one able to get away with calling him that, and kept her hands from brushing the tiara at her *own* brow only through force of will. "With the birth control policies of the former government they had millions more men than women, from families so eager their one child be a son to carry on the family name they drowned their own daughters."

"It was a war waiting to happen." Sailor Mercury kept an image in the upper left corner of her visor of herself wearing the newly designed tiara and managed not to giggle madly. "Those men were just coming of age. There weren't enough women in China for them, and no combination of money or prestige would get wives for all of them. So if they wanted to marry, and they did, the only way to do so was invade another country, kill those men and marry *their* women."

"They were building up their technology for war, rattling their sabers to get an excuse, and had the most devoted kind of soldiers - the kind who has nothing left behind, no wife or family, only the chance to have them by forging ahead to take them from someone else."

Jared glanced back at Amelia Wil Tesla Sailune. That had sounded far too reasoned and in control for the Slayer's character.

Amelia formed a fist, eyes suddenly ablaze. "That is why they must be struck down with the swift hand of Justice!"

"Princess Dorothy reports that the final troops are ready." Mercury reported, and all the girls present got hungry gleams at the word 'Princess', as it reminded them of certain things.

His mother, Nodoka, had declared that since her son ruled his own country he could have as many wives as she wished... err, *he* wished, obviously, as she would leave the choice up to him. *Hint, Hint. Nudge, Nudge, Wink.*

It had swiftly gone beyond ridiculous.

The tiara concept came floating around, inspired by who knows what, and suddenly all the ladies able to make a claim at engagement *stick* were wearing one. Which included all of the Marionettes, many of the unmarried Amazons, *ALL* of the fiancees engaged by his mom, Genma, or other family member. Then they all started laying claim to the title of Princess as they were betrothed to a future ruler...

Then somebody had floated the idea that once they'd *married* him they would be Queens of China, and somebody else had said that since it was an Empire and Jay-chan their future Emperor there should probably be an Empress...

Then somebody *else* had declared "There can be only one."

Jared had declared Belldandy as belonging to the future Empress slot before there'd been any death matches over who got it. Since then things had progressed to where each and every girl got to fantasizing all the day long about her upgrade to Queenly status.

i.e. Her future spectacular wedding day... and night.

Fortunately, he had a war now to distract them. Jared looked down the field at his enemy; one of the innumerable splinter factions whose regional leadership had declared them independent, the "One True Successor" and any of thousands of other titles that amounted all to petty warlords staking their land claim so he either had to legitimize it by leaving them alone or come in and crush them wholesale.

It was Machiavellian - literally, but getting all the atrocities over with at the start so they have an end and people can forget about them, leaving no heirs to the former throne, and breaking up the established cities into new settlements and colonies so the people would more readily accept their new way of life...

Yes, Machiavelli had taught them. They also happened to work.

Frankly, leaving spots of rotten corruption to soil the new pie was not high on the list of things he wanted to tolerate. Corruption breeds corruption and experienced subverters was NOT something he wanted just lying around while he built something new. Freeing a people who had been taught to build their own prison was a monumental task NOT done by half
measures anyway.

He'd only grudgingly agreed to be Emperor because he'd been finally convinced that it would solve more problems than not. He STILL didn't like the idea. 'Teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.' But something had to exist to start and as error correction.

Besides, it gave him an excuse to build new cities. There were also Robotech Monorails using maglev technology he was just *dying* to try. They were even based on magnetized iron pyrite, or fool's gold, for the bed of the track. The thought of an automated rail system using clean technology ferrying passengers and freight around was almost as appealing as the image of tracks that would look like ribbons of gold.

Elevated rails so dragons, animals and nature could proceed by undisturbed beneath, with trains essentially silent save for the wind of passage, leaving forests as wild and pristine as they wanted.

Then he could use an artery and hub design to increase overall speed, add Robotech automation, make the tracks nine feet wide because he *didn't* have to adhere to anybody else's standard, which would give him wider, more stable trains able to carry greater cargo more efficiently.

All that combined into an advanced, ultra-efficient system that required almost nothing in the way of maintenance. So once it was actually BUILT it would haul people, packages and freight about for next to nothing! Giving them the fastest and best system in the world by several orders of magnitude.

For less than the price of a bus ticket one would cross China in a matter of a couple of hours. A nickel stamp would send a forty pound package anywhere in the Empire overnight. Build it right from the start and you have NONE of the airport and train delays...

Okay, the idea of China as his personal pet project and playground in which to build was oddly appealing. He'd handle the cost and do much of the work himself while the people would benefit. He wouldn't even tax them! He had no need. Everything he did he could fund himself just off of renewable resources. Gold, silver and other precious coins could again be the official currency, coated with a thin film of Glassteel, which was something no nation nor criminal on earth could duplicate, ending forgery as a problem and inflation both (a hundred years ago five $20 gold coins would buy a car. Those same five coins would *still* buy a car today and would continue so).

No. He had no intention of being a burden on this people at all.

Jared looked down at the military base ringed by tanks and hasty earthworks that was this local warlord's idea of a defense.

"Tiger Cavalry, Forward!"

Nothing visible happened, which, when the troops that were advancing were elves using magical invisibility cloaks over themselves and separate drapes for their mounts, was what one might expect. When they were halfway to target (he could see the invisible, but what do you expect?) he called out another order.

"Magical Arm, Lightning Barrage!"

Wands were employed, scrolls were read, and from concealed wizards and wizardesses bolts of electric fury raced forth to impact on tanks and artillery, causing ammunition and fuel explosions ripping the vehicle asunder. Then many of the lightning bolts arced on, striking additional tanks and vehicles.

Then the Tiger Cavalry closed to range and the riders cast spells causing enemy metals to become searing hot, causing soldiers to fling away their firearms and die as ammunition bandoleers cooked off. Then the armored riders swept in with spear and sword and tiger's claws to deal with an enemy trained with guns and unprepared for experienced and crack
melee troops immune to nonmagic missiles - like shrapnel and bullets.

He was not even sure the Chinese military issued fighting knives.

Forty thousand being attacked by two hundred and the two hundred were winning. About the time that sunk in the enemy would either break or rally. If they rallied more would only die. If they broke some would surrender and many would try and hide in the mountains. But the dragons, dryads and other things being seeded up there right now would limit the possibility of an insurgent force forming.

Some few would escape across the borders to spread tales of terror no one would believe.

Jared turned from the battle to regard Nene. "How are the other forces doing?"

"Mostly the same," was his reply. "Princess Elvraemae with the main army is still giving them things like transforming missile tanks and low-class giant robots so their defeat is a little more interesting. But you'll still have to title the movie "Red Army Squashed Flat". Our Airbats in those mecha you provided rule the skies. The new satellite web keeps shooting down their ICBMs. You know they've even tried firing those at *other* countries to get them involved in the war?"

Nene's happy sound showed just how far THAT plot had gone. Probably not far out of the launchers.

Mercury tapped some keys on her computer. "I just got a report from Princess Beth on the moon that work on the palace there is nearly complete. Duplicating the Silver Millenium structures there *does* appear as though we'll have official Silver Moon energy soon. Which means you can start to power us up as actual Scouts instead of marionettes, Jay-chan!"

"You'd best be wrapping this up, Beloved Emperor." Cologne's grin was heard. "There is that diplomatic envoy to Japan you'd promised to be part of. Take your sister, leave the main force with us, and we'll see to things while you are gone."

Jared directed a smirk to the ancient Amazon. There was an informal 'point tally' system going on where those who did best in battle or other goals got higher places in the marriage queue. He might as well go along.

Encouraging good service was a wise thing to do.

"Sure, Cologne. Shampoo, wanna summon your giant robot and accompany me to where the new capitol is being built?" It was inland somewhere, with a new lake which canals would link to the sea. He'd planned on erecting a row Colossus statues over those canals to win points in the culture department.

Well, mainly because he wanted to.

"Can I come too???" Echoed two dozen throats.

Jared fought a grin. Okay, it didn't help his standard problem any... much, or maybe just as much as he'd like. But he might have to attack China when he got home.

-----------

two months prior to "present":

Jared would have expected a lot of strange things, he had weird luck and a strange life. Bizarre things were the norm. Didn't mean that he wasn't occasionally caught by surprise.

Such as seeing Sailor Mercury with her back open and some short hunchbacked guy working on something within. "Uhm."

"So you're the Pheonix Mage, or do you prefer 'Ashida Sanzennin' or 'Knight Of Reason'?"

Jared noted the way the stunted figure was pulling gadgets out and putting other things in. "How about... you obviously know what you're doing. 'Heph' I suppose?"

"Some people call me that, Prince Rammie." Hephaestus nodded and slapped the back into place, then pulled out a short rod he started sealing the seams with.

Jared winced. "Only Ranko calls me that." Though he had this HORRIBLE feeling that it was being used behind his back. "What exactly are you doing?"

"Finished a set of upgrades, now that Mercury's been upgraded she can help upgrade the other cyborgs."

"Cyborgs? Oh, you mean Shan and Sakyo." Jared watched Mercury wink and go running off with a satchel of odd parts.

"Actually all the Sailor Marionettes except Serena are cyborgs due to a dimensional merger effect. Serena, however, has a memory template based on what Sakyo read of the manga, plus the memories of Son Usagi from the Sailorjin timeline. She's purely a marionette physically." Hephaestus finished putting away his tools. "Now to upgrade the Urd, Lorelei, Kanuka, Nabiki, and Skuld marionettes. Those will be able to make further upgrades with the parts I'm leaving."

"Urrr. What KIND of upgrades are we talking about?"

"Well, you wanted the Lina and Naga units to be true spellcasters. Also annoying and capable of massive property de-valuation, but that's your call. I upgraded the Mercury unit with a battle computer similar to Cherry's." Hephaestus stopped at the doorway. "Mind you, the Shan and Sakyo units are still more *potentially* powerful. Some of my best work, actually. You won't need to worry about them getting blown away in the first few melee rounds at least. Oh and one OTHER upgrade."

Jared felt this chill. "Other upgrade?"

"I'm making them Thirds," Hephaestus left with that called out over his shoulder.

Jared spent a moment mouthing the word before rushing out to look down at the limping technologist. "Third what?"

"Sakyo sent me a video called 'Armitage III' - a cute idea, I thought."

Jared nodded. Okay, he thought he remembered that. A series of OAVs dealing with near human androids, so he could see the appeal to the marionettes. As he recalled the Third series androids were so human that they could... actually...

...have babies. Oh dear.

------------

the "present":

The Tendo household stared en masse at the parade shown on television. Women in Chinese clothing clashed weapons together at the very head of the procession.

"Make way for Prince Rammie
Say hey! It's Prince Rammie!"

Nabiki estimated the Amazon contingent as being only two dozen, and ventured the opinion that this was an elite guard.

At the very point was a batwinged redhaired Japanese girl twirling a baton around as if she were some majorette and singing in a pleasing voice.

"Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar
Hey you!
Let us through!
It's a bright new star!
Oh Come!
Be the first on your block to meet his eye!"

"Make way!
Here he comes!
Ring bells! Bang the drums!
Are you gonna love this guy!"

The camera closed in on a young man with red hair only a few shades different from Ranko's, seated on the back of what appeared to be a mechanical dragon. Ranko's singing could still be heard over the broadcast.

"Prince Rammie! Fabulous he!
Ranma of Chi-na!
Genuflect, show some respect
Down on one knee!
Now, try your best to stay calm
Brush up your sunday salaam
Then kimono and meet his spectacular coterie!"

Ranma, Emperor of China, waved at the crowd from the midst his parade. It was a bit overdone perhaps, as few of the crowd really seemed to notice him amongst all the spectacles that was his 'coterie'.

"Prince Rammie!
Mighty is he!
Ranma of China!
Strong as ten regular men, definitely!
He faced the Communist huns,
With their bombs and missiles and guns,
Who beat them while using puns?
Why, Prince Rammie!"

The camera panned over things that HAD to be a special effect. Didn't they?

"He's got seventy-five golden dragons,
And of tigers,
He's got fifty-three
When it comes to exotic-type mammals
Has he got a zoo?
I'm telling you, it's right out of fantasy!"

"Oh my. How cute!" Kasumi decided to stick to safe comments for the moment. The singing changed from a solo by Ranko to a chorus of female voices.

"Prince Rammie! Handsome is he, Ranma of China!
That physique! How can I speak
Weak at the knee
Well, get on out in that square
Adjust paradigm and prepare
To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Rammie!"

Nabiki stared at the next sequence, her hands unconsciously clutching and unclutching as if she wanted to reach into the TV and grasp the shovelfuls of money being thrown about.

"He's got ninety-five veritech mecha
(He's got the mecha, let's see the mecha)
And to view them he charges no fee
(He's generous, so generous)
He's got soldiers, he's got servants and flunkies!
(Proud to work for him)
They bow to his whim, love serving him
They're just lousy with loyalty to Rammie! Prince Rammie!"

The camera panned away from the money being thrown into the crowd, to everyone's relief. Nabiki had been quivering as if she were ready to explode from sheer envy.

"Prince Rammie!
Amorous he! Ranma of China!
Has an honor debt to which he must see,
And that, good people, is why he got dolled up and dropped by,
With sixty mages, high tech galore
With Amazons and tigers
A brass band and more
With his forty sages, his cooks, his bakers
His birds that warble on key
Make way for prince Rammie!"

---------

Another universe:

Queen Beryl was more than a little put off by the appearance of Sailor Moon. Appearing in her throne room without having apparently walked anywhere else in the Arctic complex.

"So, Sailor Moon, you have come here to DIE!" Beryl quickly noted that Sailor Moon wasn't wearing her usual Senshi costume, but that wasn't as important as the fact that she was ALONE!

"Huh? Oh, it's you." The blonde with the really long pigtails looked around her. "Well, THIS can't be right!"

Beryl twitched. Sailor Moon had turned her back on her! How stupid! ~Forget the minions, I'll deal with her myself!~ "DIE!"

"You said that already," Usagi Son commented, holding out a hand to intercept the energy blast with. "Well, I suppose you WON'T just go away and leave me alone."

The doors to the chamber burst open, revealing hundreds of minions. As well as Malachite, Nephrite, and a general who was dressed *completely* inappropriately for a fight sequence. The ducky slippers and nightgown really didn't do a thing for his image, but when the Dark Queen summons you out of bed...

"I guess not," said Usagi, sounding bored. "Oh well. Hey, why we make this *interesting!*"

"Why don't you just die!" Beryl was now shooting black lightning with both hands and still the stupid girl acted like she wasn't paying attention. "Minions! Attack!"

Generals directed their minions forward. The swarm quickly covered the target.

"I don't have time for this," came a voice from within the dogpile. "Super Sailorjin III!"

The minion pile melted away, literally, streamers of gore briefly pulling away from pulverizing skeletons. Standing in a circle that was burning itself through the floor, "Sailor Moon's" eyes had turned glacial blue and her hair was whipping about as if by an unseen wind. "This is Super Sailorjin III, Beryl-san. Let me give you a gift to take with you to Hell... Super Sailorjin IV!"

Beryl's eyes widened unnaturally as Sailor Moon changed again.

Jadeite saw the news of the explosion in the Arctic, realized why he hadn't heard anything from his home base, and that he was now out of a job. No support, no base, no allies, no...

Jadeite smiled as he realized that HE was now the ruler of the Dark Kingdom. Time to make plans. After all, the only opponents he had were a bunch of snot-nosed kids. Right?

--------

Target timeline:

Nabiki stared at the tower that had appeared at the empty lot across from her home. On some level deep within there was something she recognized about it, but she was far too busy in the more foremost portions of her mind just being amazed at how it *got* there! Only just passing it after school that field had been empty, now there was a hill and a tall white tower with mature landscaping.

Oh, and a hasty sign erected, saying "Chinese Embassy, to declare war please use rear entrance."

On the roof there was a quad mount of what was supposed to resemble a laser, she was sure. Then a towering, fifty foot robot walked around the building from behind, and while Nabiki's hair was suddenly trying to run its own space program she got the impression that maybe it *wasn't* a fake after all.

Akane's voice shouted back from within the house. "Nabiki! The commercials are over, get back in here!"

Nabiki disappeared in a swirl of blouse and shorts, leaving a dust cloud behind her to linger in the air. The VCR was running, recording this, but live footage could hardly be beat and something might go wrong with the tape, right?

Actually, various takes of this would probably be on the shelf for years!

****

Forty pure white mastadons reared back on their hind legs and trumpeted, dropping back to their feet only to tuck and roll in a display animal trainers worldwide would be forever unable to duplicate no matter how much money circus and movie people paid them.

Some would claim it was the shortage of mastadons. Others that he got other creatures to do tricks nobody else could accomplish. The falcons flying in perfect unison, like the best calibre synchronized Olympic swimmers in forming beautiful fractal patterns, breaking up into other patterns and just performing a mind-dazzeling array of acrobatics over the parade would sort of bear that out. So mostly people would just settle for hiring Chinese circuses (when they could get them).

Kasumi inhaled a long gasp when the television showed them a parade within the parade of perfectly formed white horses, gorgeously caparisoned, and with riders in glittering plate armor so silver it looked to have been chromed. Gaily colored plumes were waving, banners flying, and the scene so fairy-tale alluring that girlhood dreams of knights and white horses came back to her and she wondered what it would be to have a prince like that carry her off.

"Akane, sit down. Your head is blocking my view."

"I'm looking for Ranko!"

"I'm sure she'll be here in a while, now please don't block the view."

ZIP!! "THERE SHE IS!!!"

Nabiki resisted the powerful urge to take out a marker and draw on Akane while her sister was blocking the screen. As the seconds grew, she...

*splash!* "Oh dear, Akane. You have a tea stain on your clothes. Do you want to meet Ranko with..."

"ACK!!!!" Eyes bulged. Zip!! "I'LLBEBACKINAMINUTE BUTYOUHAVETORECORDEVERYTHING ANDTELLMEWHAT'SGOINGON!!!!"

Nabiki and Kasumi met glances, then turned back to the TV. A pavilion of bronze cloth was being carried on poles stretched betwen twelve mastadons. The sides of the tent were rolled up and within amounted to a gorgeous feast to the eyes by any stretch of the imagination.

There were baskets, *BASKETS* of glittering jewels and endless ropes of pearls. Food was arrayed in colorful splendor and lovely girls and muscled men dressed in exotic fashions were flinging rolls, bread, fruit and melons into the crowd, along with the occassional jewel or gem.

"Nabiki, please get off the screen." Soun protested.

When the money-hungry girl was eventually pried back off the set (when the scene changed) they saw riders standing upon the backs of their tiger mounts shooting arrows which became flowers and fluttered down on the crowd. Doves were dive bombing the spectators, delivering candied chocolates...

"Man sure spent alot of money." Soun commented.

Nabiki twitched.

***

The SMJ timeline:

"Oh, Doctor Lorelei, if you'd look at this." The marionette tapped out a few keys on the computer, changing a display. "i couldn't make a lot of changes on the basic structure without making major changes in the production facilities. However, if we make these alterations in the structure of the tendon you sacrifice a tiny bit of strength and gain a much higher degree of flexibility and parts longevity."

Lorelei blinked and examined the composite structure on the screen. "A 5% loss of power, traded for 15% greater motility and 55% increase in the durability. Not something for the combat units, obviously, but for the commercial everyday models quite useful."

Ginseng nodded. "Well, since i'm here, i might as well be useful."

"That isn't why I came here though. There's still no word from inside the complex, but we're showing intermittent power use inside. The security is active, and there's power in a few compartments but the outer layers remain dead." Lorelei hesitated for a moment. "It looks as though it's been abandoned."

"i have Grey's memories, but i am just a marionette, - therefore expendable, is that it?" Ginseng shook her head. "No, i'm sorry. i know better. i'll try. If nothing else, i'd need that facility to return to a male body styling."

"You'll disappoint Gennai-ojisan," joked Lorelei briefly.

Ginseng smiled a little in return. "Will he even notice now that his Gemini unit has a 'maiden circuit'? It's about time the old man got some affection in his life. Lord knows how hard that can be to come by."

***

Target Timeline:

Jared was astride a giant white rabbit, complete with Wonderland saddle, when his attention was drawn to his watch. Checking the vibrating instrument and learning the code, he took out his Nerd Toy and used its cellphone configuration, completing it in just a few moments.

~Grey's gone, off being Ranma somewhere *else*? That's a switch, guy can't even take a vacation when I'm doing his job for him.~ He checked the Ally Update screen once again. ~Back to male... silver dragon? Hmm, I must ask him if we can strike a bargain about his teeth, Serenity was NOT forthcoming. Uh Oh, love interests. I'd better avoid that guy right about
now or, due to observable effects, I'll somehow pull them all away from him.~

A chorus of marionettes danced past as the mounts paused for a display in some plaza.

~And it's not like I need any more of them.~

The watch vibrated again and the superspy checked the code. ~Oh. My. Word.~ His face opened in wide speculation as he considered something. A source had just reported that a certain spellbook had become available, something he'd been wanting to get ahold of for his entire career as a magic user.

There was a wry grin. ~Nobody will miss me for a bit, right?~

The Mage cast a spell, sending out a telepathic pulse to his followers, which unfortunately did *NOT* include any of his marionettes or other tag-alongs like Belldandy, and then cast an invisibility spell that was proof against anything short of true godly intervention and planeshifted, beginning to lay a track that would be hard if not impossible to follow, leading first through Pandemonium in order to throw off any trace.

Where he was right now had been the focus of *entirely* too much attention. Leading any of that to a plane that he cared about was ASKING for trouble later on. Besides, he didn't want any competition bidding for that spellbook.

Things like the Detect Enemies spell, Aggregate Gemstone... No, there was stuff there he didn't want to miss, and it wouldn't stay for sale for long.

The audience blinked as *something* happened. Then realized that the Emperor had just done more "out of his hat" magic. Imagine, trading in a mechanical dragon for a white rabbit and then changing that to a snow-white pegasus. And SOME people merely changed their clothes with this sort of frequency.

Celeste grumbled about this whole thing and double checked her "Impersonate Ranma" spell. If it wasn't one thing... She thought for a moment then reached for her, err his, cellphone. "Celeste here. The Ranma here bailed and I'm filling in before we get a critical cross-juncture. I know. I KNOW. No, I *DON'T* know why he bailed, that guy keeps enough safeguards up to keep a battallion of mindreaders confused. Look, the last person to get tagged for this duty was the local Urd. As soon as I can brief her... YES, trust me, I know full well how much a mismatch that is. You think that's bad, just wait till all these marionettes and cyborgs and 'Ranko' find out that 'Prince Rammie' has flown the coop. Not to mention that the Cologne from HIS universe just arrived on the parade route."

Celeste held the cellphone away from her ear briefly. "You think we gotta choice? We can't get Grey out of THAT timeline yet, and we don't have a suitable candidate for this job or do you think Urd can play the part of a shy if abrasive GUY who only knows martial arts and nearly goes into a coma at the hint of physical intimacy? Right. Well, I *have* pulled some work with the Valkyrie Reserve. Mainly spear and shield work, oh and I've pulled some work with hovercraft and pegasi. Yeah. Don't take that tone of voice with ME, Apollo! Or do YOU want to do this? What? You *do* have someone else? Who?"

Celeste's eyes bugged. "HIM?! Are you out of your freaking mind?! A mainline Ranma has about as much chance of being crowned Queen Of England as he has of pulling this off! The Pheonix Mage was a better choice! Why? Because if he'd kept it up, THIS plane would have merged with his homeplane and he'd have been back home without the dimensional barrier problems."

Ranko went winging overhead, knowing somehow that something was wrong.

"Look, if you want to put HIM in the Ranma spot, that's your own lookout. How did you even get him to agree to it?" Celeste winced at the reply.

While she was busy with her cellphone, screams and cries among the crowd caught her attention. The Pheonix Mage's troops were deploying all around her and some fifty squads of marionettes, amazons, and elves were looking toward her for what to do as dozens of Red Army battle-bots (carefully smuggled away from their defeats by clever commanders for just this sort of opportunity) sprang from ambush around their parade. Machineguns from the crude enemy mecha spoke and rattled against hastily erected anti-missile spells.

Valkyrie Reserve was one thing, finding herself in the midst of an ambush was another. Valkyries at least had time and warning about their fights, and many just observed anyway. Celeste came dangerously close to freezing.

Suddenly she felt a friendly tap on her shoulder. "Thanks, whoever you are. I'll take it from here." Celeste skedaddled to the sidelines, dropping her Ranma impersonation, *then* looked back to see who'd taken over for her.

The Pheonix Mage, calmly reassured by the spellbook in his pocket, waved two signals to his troops in Battlesign, causing them to fall back and deploy in a different manner. Even the rabbit he'd once more been standing on hopped clear.

The Mage cleared his throat into his hand while cannon blasts raked the ground all around him, then threw his fist skyward. "Fire Angel!"

There followed a *truly* impressive mecha summoning sequence.

As the illusion progressed (in reality, Jared had just let the illusion do all the special effects while he simply took his old veritech out of stuff space) he regretted that special conditions required him to store this with almost no disposable armaments. His veritech he could fit in stuffspace, yes. Missiles and cannon rounds were almost more trouble than they were worth, though he struggled and got SOME cannon ammo in there, just as being disarmed was too highly unpleasant to think on.

The trick he used to store this vehicle in stuff space was simply thus: items which had been charged with their own chi (a chi mastery technique and almost unheard of even among masters - just because it's utility was questionable as compared to, say, blowing things up or healing), but again, items which had their own charge of chi required almost no space to store with Hidden Weapons techniques.

And yes, Jared had literally gone pound by pound, giving his veritech chi; artificial systems and composite alloys and electronics and all, expending huge amounts with a cost like Ranma blasting a mountainside away via Tiger Blasts.

Made it nasty when he had to replace armor.

Anyway, he was deranged enough to have imparted chi to his veritech. He was NOT so hot about going through all that effort for a few missiles when he'd used them in seconds and be without again. There were limits to his perfundity.

The truly amazing mecha summoning sequence came to an end, and Jared posed his veritech in a stylish and aggressive way, then proceeded to bat around his enemy's mecha in straight up hand-to-hand.

It would hardly do to disappoint his audience.

--------

Air rippled in a set of three rings in the air over China. This was enough to scramble a reconn plane.

Two adolescent girls and a slightly younger one flew on to a gleaming alabaster city and landed, looking about themselves with curiosity.

"Think this is the right one yet?" Haruka Uranus looked about at the pathetic power levels of the natives and sighed. So much for getting into a good fight.

"It *feels* right, but does not seem to have him."

"Phooey," said Hotaru in response to Michiru's comment. "Maybe..."

"You're going to give up and let Usagi get this 'Ranma' fellow?" Haruka was tired of this chase herself.

It wasn't Hotaru but Michiru who answered. "This particular haystack is really too difficult to manage by the current search methods. What we need is a better method of narrowing the search down. If nothing else becomes available we'll *have* to abandon this search."

"True." Haruka grinned at Michiru. "I can think of much better ways to pass the time."

Hotaru merely rolled her eyes. ~What, again?!~

*****

The voice on his veritech's commlink was as familiar as it was unexpected. "Jay-chan, it's Susan."

Jared stared into space for a moment. "How?"

"Cologne provided data much in the manner of a 'Forward Observer' does for artillery. We need you back here. Nephelenia is readying some massive attack using the Nemesis crystal to empower some sort of battle mecha."

Jared looked out over the crowd, to see a blue-haired Amazon wave at him from her position on a roof. "The barriers?"

"I *am* Sailor Pluto. As it is too powerful to dismiss, I'm ready to invert it at a critical moment. It'll only last a few minutes and likely only work once, but it'll be an opening."

Jared weighed responsibilities briefly. There really was only one choice. "How long before we can get there?"

Celeste muttered under her breath as she got ready to recast her "Impersonate Ranma" (actually a simple Disguise) spell.

As the signal was not for an emergency drop, most of the parade waited until they'd gotten to a good stopping point, then dispersed before dimensionally gating.

--------

"This is not the right timeline," Jared noted. "I thought you had to be a member of the RRO to end up in strange timelines willy-nilly."

Shan chuckled at the phrase, thinking it some clever turn of phrase that her Master had developed on the fly.

Makoto cocked her head to the side, causing her ponytail to swish to the side. "I sense... chi. One dark chi, fairly powerful. Two brighter points, also powerful. One I'm not sure of, it slumbers but it seems... twisted somehow."

"Oh my." Belldandy's sensitivity gave her a similar picture. "We must be here for a reason."

Urd didn't pick it up, but thought for a moment. "Well, we won't find out anything if we stay here."

"Well, a Dimension Door ought to take care of this." Jared suited action to words, the spell so simple and well-practiced that he could cast it in his sleep. (Which had caused a few embarassing moments when he was sleeping around the Sailor Scouts...)

"Master Qui-gon?!"

Everyone stared for a moment at the sight of a guy (?) in black robes with a double bladed light saber who had just thrust one of those blades through the chest of some guy who also had a light saber.

"A TARGET!" Jared had a wild grin. "Magic Missile!"

The horned figure with the red and black face blocked the sparkling missiles with a quick spin of his light saber.

Jared's grin actually intensified as he drew a katana which pulsed hungrily on sensing the presence of evil. "Oh yeah, time to par-tay!"

Belldandy stepped to the side of the fallen warrior. "Healing!"

Shan watched briefly, noting a warrior similarly dressed to the fallen one waiting helplessly behind a Level 3.8 containment field. Disrupting the field would be easy, but also introduce an unknown element.

Makoto, however, was a person prone to act. She levitated up and to the side. "KAME..."

Energy blade met a katana rune weapon, emitting sparks as both strove to overwhelm the other. The two wielders eyes met briefly before blades and bodies both blurred.

Jared leapt over a wide sweep and stabbed out in a thrust. His opponent changed the sweep into a spin. Jared landed behind him and swept around in a decapitating move that the horned being avoided by a hairsbreadth.

Makoto continued to build energy between her hands. "HAME..."

Shan locked on and compensated for the speed of the warriors. "THUNDER..."

Jared blocked a swing and made a gesture with his free hand. "Globe of Force."

"HA!"

"...BOLT!"

The horned figure spun his light sabre around, knocking both attacks towards the other attack's originator. Shan absorbed the chi blast while Makoto dissipated the electricity.

"Well then," Makoto said with a grin. "Looks like we'll have to settle this a bit differently."

Darth Maul raised a hand and thrust it at the flying girl with the staff.

"Telekinetic attack of unknown nomenclature. Analyzed." Shan blocked with her staff and seemed to think. "Esper field pattern determined. Combat patterns analyzed. Energy blade patterns analyzed."

"Huh?" Makoto said.

Jared spun, dodged, thrust, slashed, blocked, leapt and was otherwise having a grand old time.

"Analysis of waveform usage in esper bands analyzed." Shan seemed to consider for a moment, then shrunk her staff down to a rod. "Duplicating energy sword. Duplicating esper field."

"SHAN! NO! Don't duplicate his esper field," Jared said while lazily parrying blows. It appeared his opponent was beginning to tire. Which merely meant he was trying to fake Jared out. "Jam it."

"Applying countermeasure. Transmitting 'A Very Barney Christmas' on frequency."

"That *may* qualify as cruel and unusual punishment," quipped Urd with a wince.

"There, there, all better," said Belldandy to Qui-gong.

"Please, shut it off, shut it off!" Qui-gong winced as the awful images continued.

Jared could have sworn that Darth Maul actually LET himself be decapitated on his sword. Could it be THAT bad? He seized the body by the front of its robe to preserve the thing's genetic samples and evidence for tracking down its Master. As the head was now bouncing down the shaft of a planetary reactor's heating core he felt it a small danger.

"Shan? Stop transmitting, poor Obi-wan looks like he's about to go into shock and Qui-gong may die again. Some weapons are entirely too terrible to be used." He smacked his lips briefly in thought. "So save me a copy of that file, I'll need to watch it later in case any of my enemies use it against me."

He met Shan's mischievious glance. Suddenly they were shoulder to shoulder and singing. "I love you, you love me..."

"Aaagrhhhh!!" Qui-gong screamed amidst twitches.

Both stopped, and Jared shook his head. "I sense much fear in you."

-----------

Nehelenia readied her attack, her link to the Dark Crystal opening to allow large amounts of dark power flowing through her. Enough for her to materialize hundreds of her mirror clones.

With a laugh worthy of Naga the White Serpent, the Mirror Queen sent her troops sweeping out to surround the funeral that the Scouts were holding for that boyfriend of theirs and bring them down. She would destroy them all in one moment of dark glory!

The air ripped open. Four Veritechs wearing the blazon of NewChina shot through the opening, followed by ninety nine combat ready marionettes, followed by destroids and war mastodons, Chinese Amazons, elven calvary, dwarven space marines, and a dizzying array of high tech and fantasy warcraft.

And one Makoto "Lita" Jupiter who exclaimed in girlish glee. "TARGETS! Oh, Jay-chan, you shouldn't have! Thank you!"

Shan merely powered up and extended her sensors.

Sakyo was already duplicating Rally Vincent and had her hands on a heavy caliber sonic cannon.

Belldandy opted for an "oh my" and readying her spirit wards.

Nehelenia blinked. She was the "bad guy" - her forces were supposed to outnumber the "good guys" - it was a rule wasn't it? Well, she'd just back off now and wait for a better chance. Let the minions probe these new threats out and discover their weaknesses.

She'd be back.

WEIRD IDEAS:
A Ranma who is SO over the top you'd get nosebleed just talking to him.

A character from another series trying to play Ranma. Imagine Keiichi Morisato trying to play the part, or worse - Shinji Ikari. Broken whining as Akane pounds on him for being such a weenie.