Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ [MSTing] Tortured Echo ❯ Chapter 4
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Megane67 
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Comedy / Angst / Horror | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 05.08.2007 | Pages: 14 | Words: 7.0K | Visits: 353 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Comedy / Angst / Horror | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 05.08.2007 | Pages: 14 | Words: 7.0K | Visits: 353 | Status: Completed
*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON THREE)
EPISODE 22: TORTURED ECHO PT. 4
(A Ranma 1/2 MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 (megane67@rogers.com)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Ranma 1/2" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the
distributors of her work.
"Tortured Echo" is the property of Trakal. She has given me permission
to MST her work and I greatly appriciate it. :)
Warning: This fic contains mature content. If you are offended by such
material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy!
* * *
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
>Ranma 1/2
>Tortured Echo (part 11)
>-----------------------
Joel: So has ANYBODY heard a tortured echo yet?
Crow: Here, I'll give it a shot. AUUUUGH!!! (Auuuugh!) (auuuugh....)
Tom: Eh. Needs work.
>For the remainder of the trip back, Dr. Tofu was silent.
Joel: ...but deadly.
>Mousse looked up, out of habit, as they arrived. Ryoga saw the torn,
>empty sockets of his eyes and thought:
Crow: <Ryouga> Ewwww... that's disgusting!
Joel: <Ryouga> I wonder if he'd mind if I wiggled my finger around
in them?
>You think *you've* got problems?
Tom: <Ryouga> I turn into a cute little pig!
>But he didn't say a word. Ranma, who was playing a game of chess
>with Sasuke, looked up from the board as Dr. Tofu and Ryoga
>returned.
Joel: <Ranma> Okay, just a sec, give me that... HAH! There are no such
things as Ninja's pawns! Now give me back the head to my little horsy
guy! By the way, how does a Rook chi blast again?
>"Ryoga?" He asked.
>"Ranma! Its your fault!" Ryoga bellowed and he ran out of the
>room, sobbing.
>"Ryoga! Wait!" Ranma ran after him. "You can't go out there! Its
>too dangerous!"
>Ranma caught up to Ryoga just before he reached the exterior door
>and caught hold of his wrist.
>"Ryoga, are you out of your mind? You'll get yourself killed if
>you go out there." He said, concernedly.
Joel: <Ranma> I'm really gettingly worriedly about you!
Tom: <Ranma> Why do you think I keep disappearing during the fight
scenes? It's what keep me alive, man!
>"I'm already dead, Ranma." Ryoga sobbed.
Tom: Who put that stuff in your head?
>"Ryoga?" Ranma asked, his concern deepening.
>"That son of a bitch gave me AIDS." Ryoga choked in horrified
>resignation.
>A part of Ranma wanted to pull away, to let go and back off
>in disgust. But... no. He couldn't do that. Ryoga was his
>friend. He wouldn't abandon his friend.
Tom: Uh-huh.
Joel: <singing> Ryouga... Ryouga, my sweet friend....
Crow: <Ranma> Yessiree, bob! I'm gonna be Ryouga's chum from this
moment on until it's time to fight again. Then it's every martial artist
for himself!
>He reminded that part of him that you couldn't get it just by casual contact.
>And even if you could, so what? He wasn't immortal anyhow and he had no
>intention of becoming immortal.
Joel: <Ranma> You'll never catch me recording a song for Mortal Kombat!
>And this wasn't Ryoga's fault. He didn't get it by being promiscuous, or
>by shooting up. He'd been raped. Ranma felt a new surge of hatred toward
>their shared enemy.
Crow: Not to be insensitive or anything but WHAT enemy!?!? WHO
invaded Nerima?!? WHO?!?! I don't even care WHY anymore just WHO?!?
Tom: Maybe it's an army of Waldos? Think about it... a battalion of
bespectacled weirdo's with the ability to fade into the background of a
human throng with ease....
Joel: Well, that might explain how they snuck into Nerima so easily.
>Well, he thought, if Ryoga's got it, then that means the bastard
>who gave it to him has it, too. Good! I'm glad. That son of a
>bitch deserves to die for what he's done to Ryoga!
Tom: <Ranma> Yeah! An eye for an eye... er, no offense, Mousse.
>Ryoga fully expected Ranma to storm off in disgust.
Crow: <Ranma> That's the final straw! I'm going to my trailer!
>To treat him as if it were his fault. That's what happened in the TV
>movies.
Joel: Ryouga's had time to watch those while being lost?
>You could be a nice person and catch it from a bad transfusion
>and suddenly everyone's saying how you must be promiscuous or a
>drug addict.
Crow: Man, when did this fic turn into a public service message?
Tom: Makes you wonder if the author named the ball robot 'Foam'
on purpose, eh?
>Instead, Ranma hugged him close and wept with him until their
>tears were spent.
Tom: Awwww....
Joel: A tender moment....
Crow: <Ryouga> You may not have been there for me when I was
defending Akane... And you may not have been there for me when Mousse
was attacking me... Hey, wait a minute, except for now, when HAVE you
been there for me?!? RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!!
Joel: <Ranma> Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.
>*****
Tom: STARS!!!
Crow: ....
Joel: That's it?
Tom: Yep.
>Dr. Tofu looked up as Ryoga and Ranma returned.
>"Are you okay?" He asked them both.
Joel: <Dr. Tofu> Were you guys caught in an explosion or what?!?
>Ranma looked at Ryoga.
Tom: <Ranma> You just HAD to use a full shishi houkoudan in the hall,
didn't you? And this was my favorite shirt too! Way to go, pig boy!
Crow: <Ryouga> Hey, shut up! I was very emotional! And besides, I
lied! I'm still PISSED about the bread thing!
Tom: <Ranma> Oh, bite me, P-Chan!
>"I'm fine." Ryoga nodded. His heart had found new strength in
>Ranma's unyielding friendship. Ranma hadn't pushed him away,
>hadn't shunned him or blamed him. He felt grateful now that he
>knew at least one friend would always by there for him.
Joel: So Toma, Sasuke and Akane are totally out of the picture at this
point for Ryouga?
Tom: Guess so.
Crow: <Ranma> Yeah! You accuse ME of not doing anything! I didn't
see any of THOSE guys fighting by your side either!
Joel: <Akane> Hey! Give me a break! I was shot!
>"Now, lets talk about this attack plan."
All: <start humming music from the A-Team>
>Dr. Tofu nodded.
Tom: <Dr. Tofu> That will do nicely. Thank you.
>"We'll need to find some explosives." He said. "If we plant a few small
>ones near the oil heater in the basement of the high school, it will blow
>up the whole building."
Crow: <Ranma> But what about the prisoners? Innocent civilians forced
to work for the enemy against their will? Wouldn't we blow them up?
Joel: <Dr. Tofu> Well... gee Ranma... I guess we'll just have to scrap this
entire plan and find a less *DANGEROUS* and *SAFE* way to attack
the enemy....
Crow: <Ranma> Gee, really?
Joel: <Dr. Tofu> Of course not, you little sissy! We're going to go in there
and bomb the ever living CRAP out of them! We're going to nuke them
till they glow! There's no room in this man's army for WEAKLINGS!
I can't stand WEAKLINGS! <pounds the armrest> WEAK! WEAK!
WEAK! WEAK!
Tom: Whoa, Joel, Joel, take it easy! Calm down!
Joel: <shaking his head> Sorry about that. Got a little carried away
there....
>"I'm sure they've got all the explosives and materials for
>making them." Ranma pointed out. "So that plan's a wash."
Tom: Spin cycle and pre-soak included?
Crow: I guess no one noticed the soldiers quietly removing all materials
that could be made into a bomb from Nerima before they invaded....
>Ryoga contemplated for a moment, then looked up at them. "No." he
>said. "its not."
>Ranma stared at Ryoga. "You don't mean..."
>Ryoga nodded.
Crow: <Ryouga> Tell Akane... TO MAKE THEM DINNER.
Tom: <Ranma> AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Joel: <Dr. Tofu> T... That's too cruel!! It's... It's practically chemical
warfare! How would we live with ourselves?!?
Crow: <Ryouga> One day at a time, soldier... one day at a time.
Tom: <Ranma> AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
>"Ryoga, you'll be killed if..."
>"I'm already a dead man, Ranma." Ryoga reminded him.
Crow: <Ryoga> I can make the lights go on just by raising my arms.
Tom: And yet *Ranma's* the one who's usually missing... hmm....
>"There are treatments, Ryoga." Ranma said. "And they will find a
>cure some day."
>"They're not even looking, Ranma." Ryoga snapped. "You know that
>as well as I do. Why should they? Its more profitable for them to
>keep treating patients than cure them."
>"Where'd you hear that?" Ranma asked.
>"Some movie. Johnny something or other." Ryoga shrugged.
Joel: <Ryouga> I tried to walk out but I couldn't find the exit!
Crow: Poor guy.
>"I was lost in the United States at the time.
Tom: <Ryouga> But now I can name all fifty states! Here, let me
prove it....
Crow: <Ranma> Uh, no thanks.
>Look, if I'm going to die anyhhow, I'd like to take those bastards who
>did this with me."
Crow: Yes! Kill the cast of Johnny Mnemonic! Remove even the slightest
chance of a sequel!
Tom: I think he means the soldiers, Tom.
Crow: Oh. <pauses> I don't care! Johnny Mnemonic SUCKS!
>Ranma nodded in resignation.
Tom: <Ranma> Okay, okay, let the little baby have his final revenge.
>"So, Mousse will return to the enemy with us in tow and get us
>inside." Dr. Tofu summarized. "once inside, there will be a
>struggle.
Tom: Gee, you think!?
>While this is going on, Ryoga will head down to the
>basement and go to the oil heater. Once he reaches it, he'll
>signal us through these walkie-talkes.
Joel: Okay, I'll bite. Where did THOSE come from?
Crow: Yes, the enemy has taken over all the broadcast stations, and
taken away every last bit of chemical that could possibly be used to
make explosives, but the local Radio Shack is still in business!
>Then we'll evacuate. Everyone clear on the plan.
All: No.
>They all nodded.
All: <shake their heads>
>"Okay." Dr. Tofu concluded. "Let's go."
Crow: <Dr. Tofu> I love it when a plan comes together.
>Ranma punched Mousse in the jaw.
Joel: <Ranma> Heh heh... he never saw it coming.
Tom: It's about time! That's the first frigging punch he's thrown in the
entire fanfic!
>"What was that for?!" Mousse demanded.
Crow: <Ranma> Kicks.
>"Make your position more believable with the enemy." Ranma
>pointed out.
Joel: Hey Ranma! Mousse is blind, remember? How's he supposed
to know what position to stand in!?
Bots: Jerk!
>Ranma 1/2
>Tortured Echo (part 12)
>-------------------------
Tom: You think this will be the chapter that FINALLY tells us who's
invading Nerima and why?
Crow: Either that or the chapter that finally reveals what happened to
Ukyou.
Joel: Maybe she got turned into a dog?
Tom: Oh, stop it.
>Mousse followed the sphere back to the enemy stronghold. The
>female voice, Foam, guided him to the front gates.
Joel: <Foam> This is the headquarters of the Mach 3 razor! Kill all
who dwell within it's walls and liberate my foamy brothers and sisters!
Tom: So the *voice* is named Foam? Then what's the sphere called?
Crow: Ed.
>Dr. Tofu had repaired the sphere and Akane was now speaking
>through it.
Tom: <Foam> Okay, Mousse, go straight ahead and... <giggles>... um,
that is, go straight and make a left turn at the... <giggles>... Dr. Tofu!
I'm trying to guide Mousse around here!... Um, yes, make a left at the
boy's bathroom and then head downstairs to... to... oh Tofu-Sama... your
hands feel so good....
>"Who are you?" The guard asked.
Crow: WHO ARE *YOU*?!?
Tom: Oh, the irony....
>"Mousse," Akane said, in her best ghostly voice, "you must take the
>prisoners in to the general. He will dispose of them. Then, your
>vengeance will be complete."
>"Yes, My Queen." Mousse replied, his tone obedient.
Tom: <Akane> Mmmm... I like the way you say that... wanna come to
my room to watch some videos when the battle's over?
Crow: <Dr. Tofu> HEY!
>The guard recognized the sphere and permitted Mousse and his
>prisoners entry into the school. They reached the hall, then the sphere
>dropped to the ground, out of Akane's range.
Joel: Then Mousse reared back and gave it a mighty kick, sending the
sphere flying into LEO, never to be seen again.
Tom: <Mousse> Back, back, back, back, back... Yes! It's a FOAM run!
>"Huh?!" A soldier turned.
>Mousse heard him and attacked him with a terrible fury. "YOU
>KILLED SHAMPOO!!!" he shrieked.
>Dr. Tofu, Toma, Sasuke and Ranma followed suit.
All: <Dr. Tofu, Toma, Sasuke, Ranma> YOU KILLED SHAMPOO!!!
Crow: <Ranma> Wait? Shampoo's dead?
>The battles raged on for several minutes. Then for several more minutes.
>Then
Tom: ...even MORE minutes.
Joel: Yeah, who needs exciting, nail biting, palm sweating, armrest gripping,
edge of your seat action sequences when you can just sum it up in a sentence
or two.
>Ranma caught sight of Ryoga looking around in confusion.
Crow: <Ryouga> Is this Kyoto? Where on earth am I now?!?
>Ryoga's eyes turned to Ranma for a moment and then caught sight
>of the man Ranma was fighting. There was a flash of recognition
>in his eyes and Ranma caught it.
Tom: <Ryouga> Hey, I think I went to grade school with that guy!
>"This is for Ryoga." He snarled, as he reached down and without
>hesitation, broke the soldier's neck.
Crow: *snap*
Tom: <Ryouga> Oh, wait! That wasn't him! Sorry!
Crow: <Ranma> How about this one?
Tom: <Ryouga> Uhhhhh... could be him.
Crow: *snap*
Tom: <Ryouga> No wait! He didn't have a goatee! That wasn't him!
Crow: <Ranma> Oh, for crying out loud!
>Ranma jumped up and grasped Ryoga by the hand, running and
>pulling him along.
>"This way." he said, leading him to the stairwell and heading
>into the basement with him.
>They sneaked past a number of soldiers in the basement, then reached
>the oil heater.
Joel: Why did they spare their lives? We may never know.
>"Go." Ryoga told Ranma. "Signal me when you're clear."
>Ranma stood there, tears in his eyes.
>"Ranma..." Ryoga began.
Crow: I wish somebody would *finish* for a change.
>Ranma shook his head. "No." He said. "I'm not leaving."
>"Ranma?"
Joel: ...Ryouga finished.
Crow: Hey! Thanks, Joel!
Joel: Anytime, buddy.
>"Ryoga, listen to me." Ranma took Ryoga's hand. "I don't want to
>live without you. Okay, that's pretty corny, I know. But I don't
>care. I... I love you, Ryoga."
Tom: <Ryouga> You're not getting my Bud Light, Ranma....
Crow: Just like that, huh? Rather sudden, wasn't it?
>Ryoga looked at Ranma in wonderment. "I love you, too." he
>finally said. "I wanted to tell you for ages, but I thought I
>would scare you off. If I did."
Joel: <Ryouga> Didn't you know? You're my hero!
Tom: The hell?!? But what about the first third of the fanfic! The part
that had Ryouga sobbing his heart out over Akane because he loved her
so much and determined to kill the soldiers in revenge!
Crow: Yeah! And what about the times when Ranma disappeared when
Ryouga really needed him? Did he forget those times or what?!?
Joel: Well, at the very least, this might explain why Ryouga's shishi
houkoudan was so weak when he first thought Akane was dead.
>Ranma nodded. Then he drew Ryoga into his arms and gave him his
>first... and last... true kiss.
Joel: Well... I guess it's sweet and touching... if you ignore the fact it
pretty much came out of left field....
Crow: And here I thought Sasuke and Ryouga had all the chemistry.
>Ryoga returned the kiss for a moment, then broke off and stood
>back.
Joel: <Ryouga> Yuck! You had potstickers for breakfast, didn't you?
>"You can still change your mind." He told Ranma.
Tom: <Ranma> Oh, thank you! I knew I didn't have the stomach to
go through this! I'll see ya on the other side! Bye!
>"No way." Ranma replied. "I'm not staying here without you. Besides,
>how are you going to find your way around up there without me?"
Crow: <Ryouga> Man, even when we're a couple, you humiliate me.
>Ranma spoke into his walkie-talkie. "Dr. Tofu. Get the others
>clear. We're going to begin now."
Joel: <singing> We've only just begun....
Tom: <Dr. Tofu> Roger that! And don't worry about Akane! I'll be
sure to tell her of your noble sacrifice on our honeymoon!
>Ranma and Ryoga embraced once more, each thinking about the fact
>that the other was about to die, this one thought more heart
>shattering to them than any other.
Tom: Actually, if they've gotten this far into the complex and handled
the soldiers so easily, do they REALLY need to die?
Joel: Yes, they must die so we can all learn an important lesson.
Crow: And what would that be?
Joel: Fanfiction is hell.
>Their bodies began to glow, their ki fusing into one single envelope of
>energy surrounding them.
Joel: <Ryouga> Oh damn! I have to go to the bathroom! Look, can you
wait just a minute! I'll be right back to blow up with you, I promise!
Crow: It's getting less likely by the moment that we're going to find out
who the invaders were, huh?
Tom: Yep.
>They spoke their last two words together, their voices united as
>their ki had been.
Tom and Crow: <Ryouga and Ranma> TELL FOAM WE LOVE
HERRRRRRRRR!!!
>"Shishi Hokodan."
Crow: <non-chalant> Boom.
Joel: Hey, I see a president's face! No wait, it's Happosai!
Tom: Well, that was something... I'm not sure what exactly... but
something nonetheless....
Crow: Yeah....
All: ....
Tom: Uh, guys?
Crow: What?
Tom: I think the fanfic's over.
Joel: Huh? Over? That's it? No author's notes? Not even 'The End'?
Crow: Doesn't look like it. The theater doors are open and there's no more text.
Tom: So, what? They blew up the school, killing the soldiers and prisoners
and that's it? No explanation about the soldiers? No epilogue telling what
became of the others?
Crow: What about the others, Tom? Akane, Sasuke, Toma... Their parts were
nothing more than glorified cameos! Granted, it was nice to see Dr. Tofu have
a semi-major part for a change but nothing really made sense!
Joel: Yeah, this fanfic made some really weird choices. First it kills off the
Kuno twins and implies Sasuke as the hero only to suddenly switch over to
Ryouga defending Akane. Ryouga ends up draining himself and being
kidnapped and raped by the non-descript soldiers before being rescued by
Sasuke, again seemingly to establish him as the hero only to have the fanfic
switch the focus again to Ryouga while Sasuke practically disappears for
the rest of the story!
Crow: Cut to a hospital where Dr. Tofu and Akane are flirting with each
other while Dr. Tofu stitches up Akane's *phantom* bullet wound. Then
cut again to Ryouga and Sasuke who find *Prince Toma* of all people and
form a small *males only* army to attack the soldiers only to throw THAT
plan out the window when Ryouga finds Akane and the others at the hospital!
Tom: Meanwhile, in the Nekohanten, a now eyeless Mousse finds himself
getting manipulated by a floating sphere named Foam, only Mousse doesn't
find that out till later and he ends up attacking Ryouga while Ranma and
Sasuke play chess! Then Dr. Tofu pads out the fic a bit by telling the history
of his involvement with the army before he FINALLY conducts a medical
checkup on Ryouga, even though he should have done it the night before
and finds out Ryouga has AIDS! Then Ranma, who's pretty much been
window dressing up to that point, comforts Ryouga like he's his best friend!
Joel: Suddenly, Dr. Tofu promotes himself to *general* and lays out a battle
plan that a four year old child could have come up with and it's around then
Ryouga decided he doesn't want to live anymore and volunteers to act as a time
bomb to blow up the soldiers but before this can happen, Ranma suddenly pulls
a Romeo and Juliet and tells Ryouga he loves him and they share a tender
moment of love like *WE'RE* supposed to care at this point! And finally
during the climax of the story, they blow each other up, presumably along
with the soldiers and all the innocent prisoners still trapped inside!
Crow: Yeah! And all WE end up learning is that in this cold, lonely, often
cruel world, the only way to beat the odds against a bunch of nameless grunts
is to blow yourself up and take the bastards with you! What the HELL kind
of lesson is that?!?
Joel: You know, guys, I think this is one of those fanfics that just speaks for
itself. There's no real moral or lesson to be learned. It's just there. Let the
readers judge for themselves....
Tom: Come on, let's get out of here. I suddenly have the urge to watch
'Saving Private Ryan'. I could use the laughs....
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Joel stood in front of the counter behind a microphone, dressed
in a camouflaged jumpsuit. He was currently putting the final touches of
camouflage paint on Crow's nose when he glanced up and exclaimed, "Oh,
we're on! Get in position, Crow!"
Crow hurried over to a pair of microphones behind him where Tom,
also painted in camouflage, was already waiting. Meanwhile, Joel faced
the camera.
"Hey folks, welcome back to the Satellite of Love. Um, you're probably
wondering why we're all dressed up like this is. Actually, I was kind of wondering
that myself. Tom, why don't you tell them why you asked us to dress up like this,"
Joel asked.
"Well, it's like this, stringbean. During the course of this fanfic, I was
resigned to a couple of things. First, there was no chance in hell we were
going to find out who those soldiers were. Second, most of the regular Ranma 1/2
cast was either dead, missing or bit parts, easily tossed aside like a bag of salad
gone bad. Third, Foam... The hell?!?"
Joel nodded in agreement while Crow grunted.
"That I could put up with, but when the fanfic finally ended with Ryouga
and Ranma going up in a blaze of glory, I was somehow left empty inside, as if
all those brave Ranma 1/2 regulars were sacrificed for nothing! Like packing a
theater full of excited movie goers only to show them 'Wing Commander'! Well,
I'm not going to let their brave sacrifice be in vain! I, Thomas Servo, therefore
dedicate this parody of a Weird Al Yankovic song, in honor of those brave souls...."
"Uh, well, that's really noble of you, Tom...." Joel replied as he glanced
at the sheet music in front of him. "There's no title here though... oh, you're
doing *that* song... okay... but which character is supposed to be singing this
song anyway? They're all dead!"
"Well, I thought using an objective Ranma 1/2 character that witnessed
the events of 'Tortured Echo' but didn't actually participate in them would be the
best choice. Besides, it's a surprise!" Tom added cheerfully.
Joel tapped the mike in front of him a few times to make sure it
was working. "Okay, so do I start then?"
"Yep, and for those of you reading at home, you can sing along too!
Of course if you're reading this late at night and there's people upstairs
sleeping... just go wake 'em up right now and invite them to sing with you!
They'll love you for it!" Tom exclaimed.
"Well, here goes something...." Joel took a deep breath.
<Sung to the tune of 'American Pie' by Don McLean or 'The Saga Begins' by
Weird Al Yankovic, whichever one you feel fits the parody better. Hey, it's
hard to be precise when you're only working with text.>
Joel: A long long time ago
Okay may-be... not that long
Neri-ma was under an attack
And I wonder who the hell they were
Why... they came here... what's their deal
Nation-nalities they sadly lack
Tom: Suddenly they fired... pistols at us
Without a reason, they tried to kill us
Regulars getting slaughtered
Akane getting bothered
R-youga tried to set it right
And... Ran-ma fled without a fight
I'm tellin' you it just... ain't... right
Crow: And so... the saga... begins....
Joel: Oh why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Sham-poo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Say now, Sa-su-ke became a Sem-pai
When did he become a Sem-pai?
Crow: Ku-nou was gunned down in blood
And his nin-ja vowed re-venge like Fudd
Kotchi took her life, they say
Joel: Ahhh, Do you believe in flirting now
Dr. Tofu... Akane, holy cow!
<Sarcastic> Yeah, they're... probably gonna... get married... some-dayyyy.
Tom: Well, I know that To-ma is a prince no more
And R-you-ga's... feel-in' awful sore
He grabbed a ma-chine gun
Sa-su-ke said where was the fun
Joel: So they made a plan with-out the gals
And the three of them soon became fast pals
Could some-ONE hand me a cryyyying towel
Crow: Oh yes, Akane was shot
All: We started singin'... Why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Shampoo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Ka-su-mi, I'll bet her last words were 'Oh my!'
I'll bet her last words were 'Oh my!'
Joel: Now, mean-while... in a whole other place
There's a guy that... lost a part of his face
Mousse won't need his glas-ses now
Crow: The... af-ter-life he wanted to roam
But instead he trained with a sphere named Foam
Strike here... strike there... or I'll break your backkkkk....
Tom: So Mousse was conned in-to attacking his friend
But Ryouga made him see the light in the end
And Ranma played some chess
Where he learned is anyone's guess
Joel: And Tofu tried to pad the fic
By telling us of his draft pick,
Then he says poor Ryouga's sick
Oh boy, I'm soooooo con-fused....
All: We started singin'... Why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Shampoo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Barkeep, could I have a glass of that rye?
Swear to pay you later, I don't lie!
Joel: We made a plan and attacked the school
Snuck past the gate guard, what a fool
I guess we won't learn who they were
Tom: This whole fic reminded me of 'The War'
We've seen this whole setup before
That Hibiki... kid blew up and... saved the dayyyyyy
Crow: And in the end, some people died
Two guys fell in love and the prisoners fried
A lot of folks were chokin'
The soldiers were a smokin'
Tom: And the body I admire most
Ne-ver showed up, and now she's toast
Not much is left to do but boast
All their... pan-ties... are mine! SWEET-O!
(Crow and Joel abruptly stop singing and stare at Tom)
Tom: And I was singin'... Why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Sham-poo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Oh well, Now I'm free to be a hen-tai
Now I'm free to be a hen-tai!
Eve-ry-body!
(Crow and Joel reluctantly join in again.)
Why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Shampoo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Singin' Now I'm free to be a hen-tai!
"That was for you, Ranma 1/2 regulars!" Tom exclaimed before
turning to face Joel and Crow. "How'd like the song, guys?"
"I think you need a time out," Joel replied as he took one of
Tom's hands and walked off-camera.
"Ack!" Tom protested as he was dragged off-camera while Crow
snickered behind him.
"Well, it had to happen to someone else eventually," Crow remarked
before facing the camera. "What'd think, sirs?"
* * *
DEEP 13
Dr. Forrester was shivering violently, dispite being clad in several
layers of warm clothing. The interior of Deep 13 was covered with a fine
layer of ice as the vents continued to blast cold air inside with the force of
an arctic blizzard.
"I'm g-g-g-g-g-going to k-k-k-k-k-k-kill that n-n-n-n-n-n-n-ninja!"
Dr. Forrester proclaimed through rapidly chattering teeth. "F-F-F-F-F-F-Frank!
Where's my hot c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-ch-ch-ch-chocolate?!?"
"Coming, Dr. F!" Frank's voice announced as he emerged from the
pantry with a pair of coffee mugs, a jumbo thermos, and a bag of miniature
marshmallows, looking quite comfortable dispite the below freezing temperature.
"You want marshmallows with your chocolate?"
"J-J-J-J-J-J-Just pour me a c-c-c-c-cup!" Dr. Forrester stuttered.
"Hey, your loss." Frank shrugged as he opened the thermos and poured
two cups of hot chocolate and gave one to Dr. Forrester, who accepted it gratefully.
"S-S-S-So did you call Torgo to fix the air conditioning?"
Frank shook his head. "Apparently, he's switched careers again. He
landed a plum role in the sequel to 'The Blair Witch Project.' Actually, I think he's
playing himself...."
"Oh, that's j-j-j-j-just great! Who are we going to g-g-g-get to fix our
air conditioning then?" Dr. Forrester growled underneath his parka hood.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Frank walked over to answer it and was
surprised to see Sasuke wearing an orange utility suit with the logo 'Sasuke's
Ninja Heat' emblazoned on his chest.
"Greetings again, Master Frank! I, Sasuke, your former employee, would
be honored to bring the breath of warmth back into your noble abode!" Sasuke
exclaimed as he bowed.
Frank facefaulted while Dr. Forrester collapsed with a groan on the
control panel, accidentally pushing the button while Sakura put a hand behind
his head and chuckled nervously.
"Was it something I said?"
...AND THE MSTINGS
CONTINUE...
I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (megane67@rogers.com)
Author's Notes: This was a fun MSTing to do! I hope you had as much fun
reading it as I did MSTing it! I apologize for taking longer than usual with
it. The overall length of the fic and college commitments slowed me down.
I've already got another fic in mind for the next one and hopefully it won't
take me as long to get around to. ;P
I've been MSTing for over two years now and I want to thank each and every
person who's send me words of support and encouragement and who have
helped me throughout these last two years. I treasure every piece of fan mail
I receive and I consider it a great honor that some people have dedicated their
MSTings to me and tell me that I helped encourage them to start MSTing. To
all of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to
inspire and make you laugh for a long time to come. :)
Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe and Keener,
whose C&C and suggestions are always appreciated.
Finally, I'd like to thank Trakal for writing 'Tortured Echo' and giving me her
blessing to MST it as well as a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not
offended. It's all meant in good fun. :)
'A MSTing for All Seasons' (Now with blog!)
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
Everything What Is Crap
(formerly Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings)
http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic
>"The invasion came without warning. There had been no declaration
>of war, no news programs to say it was going to happen. It simply
>happened."
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2007 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Keep Circulating the Fanfics....
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON THREE)
EPISODE 22: TORTURED ECHO PT. 4
(A Ranma 1/2 MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 (megane67@rogers.com)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Ranma 1/2" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the
distributors of her work.
"Tortured Echo" is the property of Trakal. She has given me permission
to MST her work and I greatly appriciate it. :)
Warning: This fic contains mature content. If you are offended by such
material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy!
* * *
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
>Ranma 1/2
>Tortured Echo (part 11)
>-----------------------
Joel: So has ANYBODY heard a tortured echo yet?
Crow: Here, I'll give it a shot. AUUUUGH!!! (Auuuugh!) (auuuugh....)
Tom: Eh. Needs work.
>For the remainder of the trip back, Dr. Tofu was silent.
Joel: ...but deadly.
>Mousse looked up, out of habit, as they arrived. Ryoga saw the torn,
>empty sockets of his eyes and thought:
Crow: <Ryouga> Ewwww... that's disgusting!
Joel: <Ryouga> I wonder if he'd mind if I wiggled my finger around
in them?
>You think *you've* got problems?
Tom: <Ryouga> I turn into a cute little pig!
>But he didn't say a word. Ranma, who was playing a game of chess
>with Sasuke, looked up from the board as Dr. Tofu and Ryoga
>returned.
Joel: <Ranma> Okay, just a sec, give me that... HAH! There are no such
things as Ninja's pawns! Now give me back the head to my little horsy
guy! By the way, how does a Rook chi blast again?
>"Ryoga?" He asked.
>"Ranma! Its your fault!" Ryoga bellowed and he ran out of the
>room, sobbing.
>"Ryoga! Wait!" Ranma ran after him. "You can't go out there! Its
>too dangerous!"
>Ranma caught up to Ryoga just before he reached the exterior door
>and caught hold of his wrist.
>"Ryoga, are you out of your mind? You'll get yourself killed if
>you go out there." He said, concernedly.
Joel: <Ranma> I'm really gettingly worriedly about you!
Tom: <Ranma> Why do you think I keep disappearing during the fight
scenes? It's what keep me alive, man!
>"I'm already dead, Ranma." Ryoga sobbed.
Tom: Who put that stuff in your head?
>"Ryoga?" Ranma asked, his concern deepening.
>"That son of a bitch gave me AIDS." Ryoga choked in horrified
>resignation.
>A part of Ranma wanted to pull away, to let go and back off
>in disgust. But... no. He couldn't do that. Ryoga was his
>friend. He wouldn't abandon his friend.
Tom: Uh-huh.
Joel: <singing> Ryouga... Ryouga, my sweet friend....
Crow: <Ranma> Yessiree, bob! I'm gonna be Ryouga's chum from this
moment on until it's time to fight again. Then it's every martial artist
for himself!
>He reminded that part of him that you couldn't get it just by casual contact.
>And even if you could, so what? He wasn't immortal anyhow and he had no
>intention of becoming immortal.
Joel: <Ranma> You'll never catch me recording a song for Mortal Kombat!
>And this wasn't Ryoga's fault. He didn't get it by being promiscuous, or
>by shooting up. He'd been raped. Ranma felt a new surge of hatred toward
>their shared enemy.
Crow: Not to be insensitive or anything but WHAT enemy!?!? WHO
invaded Nerima?!? WHO?!?! I don't even care WHY anymore just WHO?!?
Tom: Maybe it's an army of Waldos? Think about it... a battalion of
bespectacled weirdo's with the ability to fade into the background of a
human throng with ease....
Joel: Well, that might explain how they snuck into Nerima so easily.
>Well, he thought, if Ryoga's got it, then that means the bastard
>who gave it to him has it, too. Good! I'm glad. That son of a
>bitch deserves to die for what he's done to Ryoga!
Tom: <Ranma> Yeah! An eye for an eye... er, no offense, Mousse.
>Ryoga fully expected Ranma to storm off in disgust.
Crow: <Ranma> That's the final straw! I'm going to my trailer!
>To treat him as if it were his fault. That's what happened in the TV
>movies.
Joel: Ryouga's had time to watch those while being lost?
>You could be a nice person and catch it from a bad transfusion
>and suddenly everyone's saying how you must be promiscuous or a
>drug addict.
Crow: Man, when did this fic turn into a public service message?
Tom: Makes you wonder if the author named the ball robot 'Foam'
on purpose, eh?
>Instead, Ranma hugged him close and wept with him until their
>tears were spent.
Tom: Awwww....
Joel: A tender moment....
Crow: <Ryouga> You may not have been there for me when I was
defending Akane... And you may not have been there for me when Mousse
was attacking me... Hey, wait a minute, except for now, when HAVE you
been there for me?!? RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!!
Joel: <Ranma> Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.
>*****
Tom: STARS!!!
Crow: ....
Joel: That's it?
Tom: Yep.
>Dr. Tofu looked up as Ryoga and Ranma returned.
>"Are you okay?" He asked them both.
Joel: <Dr. Tofu> Were you guys caught in an explosion or what?!?
>Ranma looked at Ryoga.
Tom: <Ranma> You just HAD to use a full shishi houkoudan in the hall,
didn't you? And this was my favorite shirt too! Way to go, pig boy!
Crow: <Ryouga> Hey, shut up! I was very emotional! And besides, I
lied! I'm still PISSED about the bread thing!
Tom: <Ranma> Oh, bite me, P-Chan!
>"I'm fine." Ryoga nodded. His heart had found new strength in
>Ranma's unyielding friendship. Ranma hadn't pushed him away,
>hadn't shunned him or blamed him. He felt grateful now that he
>knew at least one friend would always by there for him.
Joel: So Toma, Sasuke and Akane are totally out of the picture at this
point for Ryouga?
Tom: Guess so.
Crow: <Ranma> Yeah! You accuse ME of not doing anything! I didn't
see any of THOSE guys fighting by your side either!
Joel: <Akane> Hey! Give me a break! I was shot!
>"Now, lets talk about this attack plan."
All: <start humming music from the A-Team>
>Dr. Tofu nodded.
Tom: <Dr. Tofu> That will do nicely. Thank you.
>"We'll need to find some explosives." He said. "If we plant a few small
>ones near the oil heater in the basement of the high school, it will blow
>up the whole building."
Crow: <Ranma> But what about the prisoners? Innocent civilians forced
to work for the enemy against their will? Wouldn't we blow them up?
Joel: <Dr. Tofu> Well... gee Ranma... I guess we'll just have to scrap this
entire plan and find a less *DANGEROUS* and *SAFE* way to attack
the enemy....
Crow: <Ranma> Gee, really?
Joel: <Dr. Tofu> Of course not, you little sissy! We're going to go in there
and bomb the ever living CRAP out of them! We're going to nuke them
till they glow! There's no room in this man's army for WEAKLINGS!
I can't stand WEAKLINGS! <pounds the armrest> WEAK! WEAK!
WEAK! WEAK!
Tom: Whoa, Joel, Joel, take it easy! Calm down!
Joel: <shaking his head> Sorry about that. Got a little carried away
there....
>"I'm sure they've got all the explosives and materials for
>making them." Ranma pointed out. "So that plan's a wash."
Tom: Spin cycle and pre-soak included?
Crow: I guess no one noticed the soldiers quietly removing all materials
that could be made into a bomb from Nerima before they invaded....
>Ryoga contemplated for a moment, then looked up at them. "No." he
>said. "its not."
>Ranma stared at Ryoga. "You don't mean..."
>Ryoga nodded.
Crow: <Ryouga> Tell Akane... TO MAKE THEM DINNER.
Tom: <Ranma> AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Joel: <Dr. Tofu> T... That's too cruel!! It's... It's practically chemical
warfare! How would we live with ourselves?!?
Crow: <Ryouga> One day at a time, soldier... one day at a time.
Tom: <Ranma> AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
>"Ryoga, you'll be killed if..."
>"I'm already a dead man, Ranma." Ryoga reminded him.
Crow: <Ryoga> I can make the lights go on just by raising my arms.
Tom: And yet *Ranma's* the one who's usually missing... hmm....
>"There are treatments, Ryoga." Ranma said. "And they will find a
>cure some day."
>"They're not even looking, Ranma." Ryoga snapped. "You know that
>as well as I do. Why should they? Its more profitable for them to
>keep treating patients than cure them."
>"Where'd you hear that?" Ranma asked.
>"Some movie. Johnny something or other." Ryoga shrugged.
Joel: <Ryouga> I tried to walk out but I couldn't find the exit!
Crow: Poor guy.
>"I was lost in the United States at the time.
Tom: <Ryouga> But now I can name all fifty states! Here, let me
prove it....
Crow: <Ranma> Uh, no thanks.
>Look, if I'm going to die anyhhow, I'd like to take those bastards who
>did this with me."
Crow: Yes! Kill the cast of Johnny Mnemonic! Remove even the slightest
chance of a sequel!
Tom: I think he means the soldiers, Tom.
Crow: Oh. <pauses> I don't care! Johnny Mnemonic SUCKS!
>Ranma nodded in resignation.
Tom: <Ranma> Okay, okay, let the little baby have his final revenge.
>"So, Mousse will return to the enemy with us in tow and get us
>inside." Dr. Tofu summarized. "once inside, there will be a
>struggle.
Tom: Gee, you think!?
>While this is going on, Ryoga will head down to the
>basement and go to the oil heater. Once he reaches it, he'll
>signal us through these walkie-talkes.
Joel: Okay, I'll bite. Where did THOSE come from?
Crow: Yes, the enemy has taken over all the broadcast stations, and
taken away every last bit of chemical that could possibly be used to
make explosives, but the local Radio Shack is still in business!
>Then we'll evacuate. Everyone clear on the plan.
All: No.
>They all nodded.
All: <shake their heads>
>"Okay." Dr. Tofu concluded. "Let's go."
Crow: <Dr. Tofu> I love it when a plan comes together.
>Ranma punched Mousse in the jaw.
Joel: <Ranma> Heh heh... he never saw it coming.
Tom: It's about time! That's the first frigging punch he's thrown in the
entire fanfic!
>"What was that for?!" Mousse demanded.
Crow: <Ranma> Kicks.
>"Make your position more believable with the enemy." Ranma
>pointed out.
Joel: Hey Ranma! Mousse is blind, remember? How's he supposed
to know what position to stand in!?
Bots: Jerk!
>Ranma 1/2
>Tortured Echo (part 12)
>-------------------------
Tom: You think this will be the chapter that FINALLY tells us who's
invading Nerima and why?
Crow: Either that or the chapter that finally reveals what happened to
Ukyou.
Joel: Maybe she got turned into a dog?
Tom: Oh, stop it.
>Mousse followed the sphere back to the enemy stronghold. The
>female voice, Foam, guided him to the front gates.
Joel: <Foam> This is the headquarters of the Mach 3 razor! Kill all
who dwell within it's walls and liberate my foamy brothers and sisters!
Tom: So the *voice* is named Foam? Then what's the sphere called?
Crow: Ed.
>Dr. Tofu had repaired the sphere and Akane was now speaking
>through it.
Tom: <Foam> Okay, Mousse, go straight ahead and... <giggles>... um,
that is, go straight and make a left turn at the... <giggles>... Dr. Tofu!
I'm trying to guide Mousse around here!... Um, yes, make a left at the
boy's bathroom and then head downstairs to... to... oh Tofu-Sama... your
hands feel so good....
>"Who are you?" The guard asked.
Crow: WHO ARE *YOU*?!?
Tom: Oh, the irony....
>"Mousse," Akane said, in her best ghostly voice, "you must take the
>prisoners in to the general. He will dispose of them. Then, your
>vengeance will be complete."
>"Yes, My Queen." Mousse replied, his tone obedient.
Tom: <Akane> Mmmm... I like the way you say that... wanna come to
my room to watch some videos when the battle's over?
Crow: <Dr. Tofu> HEY!
>The guard recognized the sphere and permitted Mousse and his
>prisoners entry into the school. They reached the hall, then the sphere
>dropped to the ground, out of Akane's range.
Joel: Then Mousse reared back and gave it a mighty kick, sending the
sphere flying into LEO, never to be seen again.
Tom: <Mousse> Back, back, back, back, back... Yes! It's a FOAM run!
>"Huh?!" A soldier turned.
>Mousse heard him and attacked him with a terrible fury. "YOU
>KILLED SHAMPOO!!!" he shrieked.
>Dr. Tofu, Toma, Sasuke and Ranma followed suit.
All: <Dr. Tofu, Toma, Sasuke, Ranma> YOU KILLED SHAMPOO!!!
Crow: <Ranma> Wait? Shampoo's dead?
>The battles raged on for several minutes. Then for several more minutes.
>Then
Tom: ...even MORE minutes.
Joel: Yeah, who needs exciting, nail biting, palm sweating, armrest gripping,
edge of your seat action sequences when you can just sum it up in a sentence
or two.
>Ranma caught sight of Ryoga looking around in confusion.
Crow: <Ryouga> Is this Kyoto? Where on earth am I now?!?
>Ryoga's eyes turned to Ranma for a moment and then caught sight
>of the man Ranma was fighting. There was a flash of recognition
>in his eyes and Ranma caught it.
Tom: <Ryouga> Hey, I think I went to grade school with that guy!
>"This is for Ryoga." He snarled, as he reached down and without
>hesitation, broke the soldier's neck.
Crow: *snap*
Tom: <Ryouga> Oh, wait! That wasn't him! Sorry!
Crow: <Ranma> How about this one?
Tom: <Ryouga> Uhhhhh... could be him.
Crow: *snap*
Tom: <Ryouga> No wait! He didn't have a goatee! That wasn't him!
Crow: <Ranma> Oh, for crying out loud!
>Ranma jumped up and grasped Ryoga by the hand, running and
>pulling him along.
>"This way." he said, leading him to the stairwell and heading
>into the basement with him.
>They sneaked past a number of soldiers in the basement, then reached
>the oil heater.
Joel: Why did they spare their lives? We may never know.
>"Go." Ryoga told Ranma. "Signal me when you're clear."
>Ranma stood there, tears in his eyes.
>"Ranma..." Ryoga began.
Crow: I wish somebody would *finish* for a change.
>Ranma shook his head. "No." He said. "I'm not leaving."
>"Ranma?"
Joel: ...Ryouga finished.
Crow: Hey! Thanks, Joel!
Joel: Anytime, buddy.
>"Ryoga, listen to me." Ranma took Ryoga's hand. "I don't want to
>live without you. Okay, that's pretty corny, I know. But I don't
>care. I... I love you, Ryoga."
Tom: <Ryouga> You're not getting my Bud Light, Ranma....
Crow: Just like that, huh? Rather sudden, wasn't it?
>Ryoga looked at Ranma in wonderment. "I love you, too." he
>finally said. "I wanted to tell you for ages, but I thought I
>would scare you off. If I did."
Joel: <Ryouga> Didn't you know? You're my hero!
Tom: The hell?!? But what about the first third of the fanfic! The part
that had Ryouga sobbing his heart out over Akane because he loved her
so much and determined to kill the soldiers in revenge!
Crow: Yeah! And what about the times when Ranma disappeared when
Ryouga really needed him? Did he forget those times or what?!?
Joel: Well, at the very least, this might explain why Ryouga's shishi
houkoudan was so weak when he first thought Akane was dead.
>Ranma nodded. Then he drew Ryoga into his arms and gave him his
>first... and last... true kiss.
Joel: Well... I guess it's sweet and touching... if you ignore the fact it
pretty much came out of left field....
Crow: And here I thought Sasuke and Ryouga had all the chemistry.
>Ryoga returned the kiss for a moment, then broke off and stood
>back.
Joel: <Ryouga> Yuck! You had potstickers for breakfast, didn't you?
>"You can still change your mind." He told Ranma.
Tom: <Ranma> Oh, thank you! I knew I didn't have the stomach to
go through this! I'll see ya on the other side! Bye!
>"No way." Ranma replied. "I'm not staying here without you. Besides,
>how are you going to find your way around up there without me?"
Crow: <Ryouga> Man, even when we're a couple, you humiliate me.
>Ranma spoke into his walkie-talkie. "Dr. Tofu. Get the others
>clear. We're going to begin now."
Joel: <singing> We've only just begun....
Tom: <Dr. Tofu> Roger that! And don't worry about Akane! I'll be
sure to tell her of your noble sacrifice on our honeymoon!
>Ranma and Ryoga embraced once more, each thinking about the fact
>that the other was about to die, this one thought more heart
>shattering to them than any other.
Tom: Actually, if they've gotten this far into the complex and handled
the soldiers so easily, do they REALLY need to die?
Joel: Yes, they must die so we can all learn an important lesson.
Crow: And what would that be?
Joel: Fanfiction is hell.
>Their bodies began to glow, their ki fusing into one single envelope of
>energy surrounding them.
Joel: <Ryouga> Oh damn! I have to go to the bathroom! Look, can you
wait just a minute! I'll be right back to blow up with you, I promise!
Crow: It's getting less likely by the moment that we're going to find out
who the invaders were, huh?
Tom: Yep.
>They spoke their last two words together, their voices united as
>their ki had been.
Tom and Crow: <Ryouga and Ranma> TELL FOAM WE LOVE
HERRRRRRRRR!!!
>"Shishi Hokodan."
Crow: <non-chalant> Boom.
Joel: Hey, I see a president's face! No wait, it's Happosai!
Tom: Well, that was something... I'm not sure what exactly... but
something nonetheless....
Crow: Yeah....
All: ....
Tom: Uh, guys?
Crow: What?
Tom: I think the fanfic's over.
Joel: Huh? Over? That's it? No author's notes? Not even 'The End'?
Crow: Doesn't look like it. The theater doors are open and there's no more text.
Tom: So, what? They blew up the school, killing the soldiers and prisoners
and that's it? No explanation about the soldiers? No epilogue telling what
became of the others?
Crow: What about the others, Tom? Akane, Sasuke, Toma... Their parts were
nothing more than glorified cameos! Granted, it was nice to see Dr. Tofu have
a semi-major part for a change but nothing really made sense!
Joel: Yeah, this fanfic made some really weird choices. First it kills off the
Kuno twins and implies Sasuke as the hero only to suddenly switch over to
Ryouga defending Akane. Ryouga ends up draining himself and being
kidnapped and raped by the non-descript soldiers before being rescued by
Sasuke, again seemingly to establish him as the hero only to have the fanfic
switch the focus again to Ryouga while Sasuke practically disappears for
the rest of the story!
Crow: Cut to a hospital where Dr. Tofu and Akane are flirting with each
other while Dr. Tofu stitches up Akane's *phantom* bullet wound. Then
cut again to Ryouga and Sasuke who find *Prince Toma* of all people and
form a small *males only* army to attack the soldiers only to throw THAT
plan out the window when Ryouga finds Akane and the others at the hospital!
Tom: Meanwhile, in the Nekohanten, a now eyeless Mousse finds himself
getting manipulated by a floating sphere named Foam, only Mousse doesn't
find that out till later and he ends up attacking Ryouga while Ranma and
Sasuke play chess! Then Dr. Tofu pads out the fic a bit by telling the history
of his involvement with the army before he FINALLY conducts a medical
checkup on Ryouga, even though he should have done it the night before
and finds out Ryouga has AIDS! Then Ranma, who's pretty much been
window dressing up to that point, comforts Ryouga like he's his best friend!
Joel: Suddenly, Dr. Tofu promotes himself to *general* and lays out a battle
plan that a four year old child could have come up with and it's around then
Ryouga decided he doesn't want to live anymore and volunteers to act as a time
bomb to blow up the soldiers but before this can happen, Ranma suddenly pulls
a Romeo and Juliet and tells Ryouga he loves him and they share a tender
moment of love like *WE'RE* supposed to care at this point! And finally
during the climax of the story, they blow each other up, presumably along
with the soldiers and all the innocent prisoners still trapped inside!
Crow: Yeah! And all WE end up learning is that in this cold, lonely, often
cruel world, the only way to beat the odds against a bunch of nameless grunts
is to blow yourself up and take the bastards with you! What the HELL kind
of lesson is that?!?
Joel: You know, guys, I think this is one of those fanfics that just speaks for
itself. There's no real moral or lesson to be learned. It's just there. Let the
readers judge for themselves....
Tom: Come on, let's get out of here. I suddenly have the urge to watch
'Saving Private Ryan'. I could use the laughs....
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Joel stood in front of the counter behind a microphone, dressed
in a camouflaged jumpsuit. He was currently putting the final touches of
camouflage paint on Crow's nose when he glanced up and exclaimed, "Oh,
we're on! Get in position, Crow!"
Crow hurried over to a pair of microphones behind him where Tom,
also painted in camouflage, was already waiting. Meanwhile, Joel faced
the camera.
"Hey folks, welcome back to the Satellite of Love. Um, you're probably
wondering why we're all dressed up like this is. Actually, I was kind of wondering
that myself. Tom, why don't you tell them why you asked us to dress up like this,"
Joel asked.
"Well, it's like this, stringbean. During the course of this fanfic, I was
resigned to a couple of things. First, there was no chance in hell we were
going to find out who those soldiers were. Second, most of the regular Ranma 1/2
cast was either dead, missing or bit parts, easily tossed aside like a bag of salad
gone bad. Third, Foam... The hell?!?"
Joel nodded in agreement while Crow grunted.
"That I could put up with, but when the fanfic finally ended with Ryouga
and Ranma going up in a blaze of glory, I was somehow left empty inside, as if
all those brave Ranma 1/2 regulars were sacrificed for nothing! Like packing a
theater full of excited movie goers only to show them 'Wing Commander'! Well,
I'm not going to let their brave sacrifice be in vain! I, Thomas Servo, therefore
dedicate this parody of a Weird Al Yankovic song, in honor of those brave souls...."
"Uh, well, that's really noble of you, Tom...." Joel replied as he glanced
at the sheet music in front of him. "There's no title here though... oh, you're
doing *that* song... okay... but which character is supposed to be singing this
song anyway? They're all dead!"
"Well, I thought using an objective Ranma 1/2 character that witnessed
the events of 'Tortured Echo' but didn't actually participate in them would be the
best choice. Besides, it's a surprise!" Tom added cheerfully.
Joel tapped the mike in front of him a few times to make sure it
was working. "Okay, so do I start then?"
"Yep, and for those of you reading at home, you can sing along too!
Of course if you're reading this late at night and there's people upstairs
sleeping... just go wake 'em up right now and invite them to sing with you!
They'll love you for it!" Tom exclaimed.
"Well, here goes something...." Joel took a deep breath.
<Sung to the tune of 'American Pie' by Don McLean or 'The Saga Begins' by
Weird Al Yankovic, whichever one you feel fits the parody better. Hey, it's
hard to be precise when you're only working with text.>
Joel: A long long time ago
Okay may-be... not that long
Neri-ma was under an attack
And I wonder who the hell they were
Why... they came here... what's their deal
Nation-nalities they sadly lack
Tom: Suddenly they fired... pistols at us
Without a reason, they tried to kill us
Regulars getting slaughtered
Akane getting bothered
R-youga tried to set it right
And... Ran-ma fled without a fight
I'm tellin' you it just... ain't... right
Crow: And so... the saga... begins....
Joel: Oh why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Sham-poo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Say now, Sa-su-ke became a Sem-pai
When did he become a Sem-pai?
Crow: Ku-nou was gunned down in blood
And his nin-ja vowed re-venge like Fudd
Kotchi took her life, they say
Joel: Ahhh, Do you believe in flirting now
Dr. Tofu... Akane, holy cow!
<Sarcastic> Yeah, they're... probably gonna... get married... some-dayyyy.
Tom: Well, I know that To-ma is a prince no more
And R-you-ga's... feel-in' awful sore
He grabbed a ma-chine gun
Sa-su-ke said where was the fun
Joel: So they made a plan with-out the gals
And the three of them soon became fast pals
Could some-ONE hand me a cryyyying towel
Crow: Oh yes, Akane was shot
All: We started singin'... Why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Shampoo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Ka-su-mi, I'll bet her last words were 'Oh my!'
I'll bet her last words were 'Oh my!'
Joel: Now, mean-while... in a whole other place
There's a guy that... lost a part of his face
Mousse won't need his glas-ses now
Crow: The... af-ter-life he wanted to roam
But instead he trained with a sphere named Foam
Strike here... strike there... or I'll break your backkkkk....
Tom: So Mousse was conned in-to attacking his friend
But Ryouga made him see the light in the end
And Ranma played some chess
Where he learned is anyone's guess
Joel: And Tofu tried to pad the fic
By telling us of his draft pick,
Then he says poor Ryouga's sick
Oh boy, I'm soooooo con-fused....
All: We started singin'... Why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Shampoo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Barkeep, could I have a glass of that rye?
Swear to pay you later, I don't lie!
Joel: We made a plan and attacked the school
Snuck past the gate guard, what a fool
I guess we won't learn who they were
Tom: This whole fic reminded me of 'The War'
We've seen this whole setup before
That Hibiki... kid blew up and... saved the dayyyyyy
Crow: And in the end, some people died
Two guys fell in love and the prisoners fried
A lot of folks were chokin'
The soldiers were a smokin'
Tom: And the body I admire most
Ne-ver showed up, and now she's toast
Not much is left to do but boast
All their... pan-ties... are mine! SWEET-O!
(Crow and Joel abruptly stop singing and stare at Tom)
Tom: And I was singin'... Why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Sham-poo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Oh well, Now I'm free to be a hen-tai
Now I'm free to be a hen-tai!
Eve-ry-body!
(Crow and Joel reluctantly join in again.)
Why why did they have to die?
First went Kuno, then Kodachi, and poor Mousse lost his eyes
Shampoo and Great-Grand-ma, you can kiss them good-bye
Singin' Now I'm free to be a hen-tai!
"That was for you, Ranma 1/2 regulars!" Tom exclaimed before
turning to face Joel and Crow. "How'd like the song, guys?"
"I think you need a time out," Joel replied as he took one of
Tom's hands and walked off-camera.
"Ack!" Tom protested as he was dragged off-camera while Crow
snickered behind him.
"Well, it had to happen to someone else eventually," Crow remarked
before facing the camera. "What'd think, sirs?"
* * *
DEEP 13
Dr. Forrester was shivering violently, dispite being clad in several
layers of warm clothing. The interior of Deep 13 was covered with a fine
layer of ice as the vents continued to blast cold air inside with the force of
an arctic blizzard.
"I'm g-g-g-g-g-going to k-k-k-k-k-k-kill that n-n-n-n-n-n-n-ninja!"
Dr. Forrester proclaimed through rapidly chattering teeth. "F-F-F-F-F-F-Frank!
Where's my hot c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-ch-ch-ch-chocolate?!?"
"Coming, Dr. F!" Frank's voice announced as he emerged from the
pantry with a pair of coffee mugs, a jumbo thermos, and a bag of miniature
marshmallows, looking quite comfortable dispite the below freezing temperature.
"You want marshmallows with your chocolate?"
"J-J-J-J-J-J-Just pour me a c-c-c-c-cup!" Dr. Forrester stuttered.
"Hey, your loss." Frank shrugged as he opened the thermos and poured
two cups of hot chocolate and gave one to Dr. Forrester, who accepted it gratefully.
"S-S-S-So did you call Torgo to fix the air conditioning?"
Frank shook his head. "Apparently, he's switched careers again. He
landed a plum role in the sequel to 'The Blair Witch Project.' Actually, I think he's
playing himself...."
"Oh, that's j-j-j-j-just great! Who are we going to g-g-g-get to fix our
air conditioning then?" Dr. Forrester growled underneath his parka hood.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Frank walked over to answer it and was
surprised to see Sasuke wearing an orange utility suit with the logo 'Sasuke's
Ninja Heat' emblazoned on his chest.
"Greetings again, Master Frank! I, Sasuke, your former employee, would
be honored to bring the breath of warmth back into your noble abode!" Sasuke
exclaimed as he bowed.
Frank facefaulted while Dr. Forrester collapsed with a groan on the
control panel, accidentally pushing the button while Sakura put a hand behind
his head and chuckled nervously.
"Was it something I said?"
...AND THE MSTINGS
CONTINUE...
I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (megane67@rogers.com)
Author's Notes: This was a fun MSTing to do! I hope you had as much fun
reading it as I did MSTing it! I apologize for taking longer than usual with
it. The overall length of the fic and college commitments slowed me down.
I've already got another fic in mind for the next one and hopefully it won't
take me as long to get around to. ;P
I've been MSTing for over two years now and I want to thank each and every
person who's send me words of support and encouragement and who have
helped me throughout these last two years. I treasure every piece of fan mail
I receive and I consider it a great honor that some people have dedicated their
MSTings to me and tell me that I helped encourage them to start MSTing. To
all of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to
inspire and make you laugh for a long time to come. :)
Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe and Keener,
whose C&C and suggestions are always appreciated.
Finally, I'd like to thank Trakal for writing 'Tortured Echo' and giving me her
blessing to MST it as well as a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not
offended. It's all meant in good fun. :)
'A MSTing for All Seasons' (Now with blog!)
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
Everything What Is Crap
(formerly Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings)
http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic
>"The invasion came without warning. There had been no declaration
>of war, no news programs to say it was going to happen. It simply
>happened."
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2007 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
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