Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ A Cold Dish ❯ Tease-me-do! ( Prologue )

A Cold Dish

By Lord Raa

Part one

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Disclaim-me-do: Let me give you a tickle with my little golden trickle.

This story will contain "adult material". This means rude words, scenes of a sexual nature, questionable behaviour and things that are generally unpleasant.

If such things are likely to offend you, then please move along, as this is not the fic you're looking for.

This is also my first attempt at such a story. So be nice: give constructive criticism in any reviews or email. I think that this counts as a fair warning.

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Ranma Saotome sat stunned as the doctors told him that the coma his father was in was likely one he would not recover from.

"Pops…" he murmured.

A knock on the door to his room alerted the young man to the presence of another visitor.

"Excuse me, but I was told that I could find Ranma Saotome here."

Ranma looked blankly at the man. "Who are you?"

"I'm Daisuke Morita," the man bowed to Ranma as he introduced himself.

"Is this important? I've got a bit of a family crisis here," the pigtailed boy gestured to the beds either side of him.

"I'm sorry but I'm your father-in-law."

"That's not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be a joke son. I arranged your marriage with my daughter three weeks ago," Daisuke explained.

Ranma turned to his mother and ever so gently shook her to wake her. "Mom, this guy says he arranged a marriage three weeks ago. You know anything about it?"

Nodoka, as one of the quicker witted members of the Saotome family, was able to respond quickly. "No. Your father only arranged marriages before I met up with him again. In fact I threatened him with a steel enema if he tried it again."

Ranma turned to the newly arrived man.

"I did not speak with this man," he gestured at Genma. "I spoke with a Miss Nabiki Tendo."

Ranma's face hardened. "I see. Well as the Tendo family don't decide that sort of thing for me, the agreement is worthless."

"They said that they did and that you might be a little reluctant, but I had no idea that you would put up such a struggle."

Ranma stood and looked the man in the eye. "Yesterday I was gonna marry Akane Tendo. Now you're telling me that they sold me off?"

"That's not what happened!" Morita protested.

"Go. Now. Unless you want a stay here in the hospital," Ranma "suggested" as he clenched his fists, causing his knuckles to pop.

Not knowing what else to do, the man left Ranma and his family.

Nodoka was kept awake by the question "Mom, what should I do?"

"We're only here because of the Tendos. Ah," she winced in pain.

"Mom!"

"I'm sorry son, but I do not have much time left. Find out what happened at the wedding and do what you must to make things right. If anyone did anything wrong, then make them pay. Remember what school you study…" she drifted off as she fell unconscious.

"I will Mom, I will," Ranma vowed.

Leaving his mother to get some much needed rest, Ranma went to find out what he could about the incident that hospitalised his family.

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Back at the Tendo house, Soun was speaking to his family. "I think that it is now time for us to draw a line under the time the Saotomes spent here."

His daughters nodded in agreement. While their lives had been "enriched" by Ranma's antics, they had now become tiresome. Even Akane wasn't making as much fuss as she pretended to be jealous about Ranma's womanising.

"What are we going to do about my plan?" Nabiki asked. "The Morita family will be arriving soon. Normally we'd just have some stupid martial arts challenge and Ranma would be back here to be sold out again. Now that the jerk's not here, we've got a problem."

"We put a spin on the truth," Soun replied. "That there's been a medical emergency in the Saotome family and tell them to go to the hospital to pick up Ranma. Ranma will argue with his father and either go with them or cause a commotion. He and his father will get into trouble with the authorities and Nodoka will kill herself to save face. That should be the last we hear of that family of freeloading freaks."

Deeming the matter closed, Soun rose from the table and headed out for some sake.

Unbeknownst to the Tendo family, their plan had been derailed by the early arrival of Daisuke Morita.

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Ranma flicked through the police report on the wedding fiasco. It seemed that exploding food and people with the ability to burst through walls like they were wet paper bags had showered his parents with debris. He winced in sympathy as he saw a bloodied piece of piping in the photos of the aftermath.

What the report didn't say was why these other martial artists with a vested interested on who married whom were doing there.

He had a good idea on that one, but needed to confirm his suspicions.

"I need to see Ukyo."

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As Ranma bounded across the rooftops of Nerima, he thought about the questions he should be asking his "old friend".

Landing quietly, he tried to open the door, but found it to be locked. Knocking on the door, he tried to get the occupant's attention.

When the door opened slightly, Konatsu was unprepared for the identity of the visitor.

"Ranma-sama! What are you doing here?"

"I need answers. Is Ukyo in?" Ranma plainly stated.

"Now is not the best of times," the crossdresser politely tried to turn the cursed martial artist away.

"Now is exactly the right time!" Ranma insisted.

"You'll have to come back later." Konatsu readied a weapon in case Ranma decided to do anything rash.

Ranma decided to do something rash - he tore the door off the rails.

"I want to see Ukyo!" Ranma nearly shouted at the poor boy in front of him.

Barging past, Ranma made his way to where Ukyo lived in her restaurant.

Ukyo was surprised to see Ranma standing in the doorway to her bedroom.

"Ranchan?"

"How did you know about the wedding?" Ranma demanded.

"What?" Ukyo was confused by the question. She'd been expecting Ranma to say something else completely.

"How. Did. You. Know. About. The. Wedding?" he asked patronisingly.

"I got an invitation from Nabiki. Why?"

"My folks are in the hospital. It's not looking good," Ranma explained. "I'm trying to find out what happened."

"I'm sorry Ranchan, I didn't want you marrying anybody else," Ukyo confessed as she got up to hug her fiancé.

"I ain't marrying anyone right now. It probably ain't gonna be any of you fuckers from Nerima," Ranma callously dismissed the chef's feelings.

"Besides, what kind of person would I be if I married someone who assisted in my mom's ruptured spleen?" he added as he left for the Nekohanten.

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The doorbell rang and Shampoo answered with a half-hearted "Nihao" but didn't look up from her book.

"I need to speak with you," a voice called out across the empty café.

"Airen?"

"No. Not your Airen. Not now, not ever, Shampoo. What happened at the wedding? How did you find out about it?"

Shampoo was taken aback by this. "Sneaky girl tell Shampoo and Shampoo save Air- Ranma from kitchen destroyer."

"Really? And what about the rubble that hospitalised my parents?"

"That was an accident, Son-in-law," Cologne pointed out.

"You're the second person to call me that today. Turns out that the Tendos have sold me out. Again."

Cologne sat down at a nearby free table and pointed at the chair opposite her. "Sounds like you want revenge. You should be careful, or it will lead to your downfall. Look at Ryoga."

"No shit, Zenigata."

Cologne bopped Ranma on the head with her cane.

"You hit me with that stick again, and you better make sure I don't get up ever again," was the warning from the heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes. "I ain't in the mood for your shit. I want an answer here and now: is there a cure for Jusenkyo or not?"

Cologne nodded. "Yes there is. What are you offering for it?"

"Well, I was thinking that it might be nice as payment for saving your village for Saffron. Or Shampoo from the Ghost C-c-c-cat."

Cologne didn't like this new Ranma. `He hasn't used force as a threat yet.'

"Besides, from what the police reports say," Ranma leaned back on his chair, "there were martial artists that matched the descriptions of Mousse and Shampoo at the scene of where my folks were hurt. I'd hate for the police investigation to delay your departure back to China. "

"Alright, there is one way: you use some instant Nannichuan and Herb's locking ladle. What are you going to do now?"

"Well, I'm going to get cured, train and plot my revenge. I will make everyone responsible for my parents' injuries pay," Ranma said as he stood to leave.

"Wait," Cologne stopped him before he left. "Here use this," she tossed him a few packets of instant Nannichuan. "You may need to bargain with Herb."

"Thanks, Cologne. Don't take this the wrong way, but I hope I don't see you again," Ranma bowed slightly before continuing on his way back to the hospital.

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Dr. Sato was explaining to Nodoka what had happened to her husband. "I'm sorry Mrs. Saotome, but your husband has passed on."

"How?" Nodoka asked, managing not to break down in tears.

"The kidney that wasn't punctured in the accident failed. If he had been admitted earlier, then his chances would have been better." The doctor was apologetic.

Nodoka nodded as best she could.

Ranma entered the room after knocking on the door.

"Hi there doc, is everything ok?"

"I'm very sorry young man, but your father passed away a few minutes ago."

"He, he what?" Ranma asked, shocked.

"Ranma, your father is dead," Nodoka told her son.

Ranma fell into an empty visitor's chair. "All I had for ten years was Pops."

The doctor bowed before leaving the distraught family.

"Mom, I found out how the others knew about the wedding - Nabiki sold me out."

Nodoka showed her displeasure with a loud sigh. "I see. Ranma, my son, I have one last request."

Ranma literally flew to his mother's side. "Anything."

"Make them pay - don't kill them, humiliate them like they have done to us. Avenge your clan using this one rule - Anything Goes."

"Yes Mother," Ranma bowed.

Nodoka smiled before closing her eyes for the last time.

Ranma kissed his mother on the forehead. "I'll make them pay, Mother."

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Six months later, Ranma returned to Nerima, his features hardened through the months of training and preparation.

"I hope that you had fun while I was gone, it's my turn now."

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To be continued…?

This chapter was pre-read and vaguely approved by the following three people: Taxzombie, Chi Vayne and Ghost in the Machine.

Bonus points if you can guess the source of the disclaimer.

If you want more of this, then please let me know.

My email address is lordraa(at)digitalpimp(dot)co(dot)uk - I think that you can figure out what to do.

Until the next time I post something.