Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Changes ❯ Chapter 6 ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter Six

Genma had languished in the zoo now for three weeks. Three weeks it had taken him to memorise the guards routine. Three weeks of planning. Three weeks of kicking back and enjoying the good food, good companionship and the heated enclosure.

Now however the time had come to escape.

Not all of the pandas wanted to escape.

Some of those that wanted to escape didn't believe they could make it back to China or in Genma's case Japan. Others believed it was too much like hard work and besides this was the good life.

Genma wouldn't be deterred however. He was escaping.

Surprisingly Frank was escaping with him. Life in the zoo didn't agree with Frank, the call of the wild had him and wouldn't let loose.

There were some good times at the zoo and Genma had learn some valuable lessons. Panda Fu for one, though basically this was just lying around looking cute, harmless and innocent and then beating the opponent up when they looked the other way, but it was effective nonetheless.

One of the other things he learnt at the zoo was a deep appreciation of football.

There wasn't much to do in the zoo and the pandas generally spent most of their time blissed out on bamboo shoots or sleeping. Now while bamboo shoots were often thought to be all that was required to satisfy any panda in reality it's not nearly enough, especially in a zoo. Hence football.

Fortunately in the group of pandas at the zoo there were a couple of bilingual pandas English/Chinese and Chinese/Japanese. This enabled the pandas to share the football stories in the newspaper. To add extra interest into following the league they needed a team to support and if pandas are to support a team it was decided that it's colours must be black and white.

Therefore when Frank and Genma arrived at the zoo they were surrounded by rabid Newcastle United fans and both Frank and Genma were both soon converted.

This only made the need for escape more urgent.

Newcastle was playing Liverpool on Saturday and it was an important match. If escape was going to happen it had to happen before Friday to allow for travel time to the match.

When the news spread among the other pandas that the match was in the itinerary of the escape route it was decided that all pandas must be included in the escape, even if some of them would return after the game.

But the problem remained, how to get out.

* * *

Genma had a misspent youth, his adult life had been well misspent as well, but in his youth he had strayed even further from the path of righteousness. He tried to reform, but unfortunately the habits of his youth were hard to overthrow and often despite his best intentions he had backslid into his old ways.

`Perhaps' he reasoned to himself on the odd night when he lay awake thinking `that is why I'm so hard on Ranma, I don't want him turning out to be me. Of course I don't set a good example, but at least I can show him what not to be!'

Genma usually stopped thinking at this point before thinking became a dangerous hobby rather than just an occasional disturbance in an otherwise blissfully ignorant life.

The upshot of Genma's misspent youth was that he had gained many skill's which are generally frowned upon, for example pickpocketing.

Pickpocketing was to be the first step in the great panda escape. All Genma had to do was to lounge casually against the front gate until the senior guard walked past and then lift the keys from his pocket. In his human form this would be inordinately easy, of course the opposite was true in panda form.

Fortunately, though he hadn't practised this particular art in many years, other training which he had undertaken had had the effect of maintaining, if not improving his skills. Rush training to improve the dexterity of his stubby panda digits was called for and in this his fellow pandas were more than willing to assist. What he found brought tears to his eyes.

`If only' he wept silently `if only I had known how pandas could be trained as pickpockets. I could have had a legion of trained pickpocketing pandas purloining people's possessions. No pocket in the world would be safe and combined with panda-fu who would believe we were guilty?'

Genma grumbled for a few days on the unfairness of the world and wasted years of his life training his son when he could have been training pandas until Frank reminded him that all pandas really wanted was some fresh bamboo shoots and a good lie down. Genma grumbled some more about the unfairness of it all and quietly lifted the keys from the keepers pocket while no one was looking.

* * *

The plan was simple. Wait for the guards to pass on their rounds. Open the doors to the enclosures. Then carefully using only the darkest paths sneak to the side wall of the zoo. There the pandas other than Genma and Frank would, using skills they had gained while working with a chinese circus troupe, with a flourish of style grace and acrobatic skill generally unknown among pandas flip, bounce and vault over the wall and to freedom. From there Group Ling, named after the great panda philosopher, would using funds lifted from guards and visitors to the zoo take public transport to St James' Park for the big game. The English writing panda among them had even crafted cunning signs to wear around their necks saying `Not really pandas, going to a fancy dress ball. Trust us.'

Genma and Frank had other ideas. While Genma could easily have vaulted the fence with the most acrobatic of the pandas it all seemed like too much work and Frank couldn't clear the fence like his more acrobatic friends so Genma decided another option was needed for Frank and himself.

There was one guard, Rimmer by name, at the zoo that the pandas all despised. He teased them, he made jokes about them and he even considered them dumb animals. Pandas may be fat (pleasantly plump they insist), lazy (work intolerant) but dumb they are not. Dumb as in unable to speak yes, but as in intelligence they felt they were at least superior to zoo guards. After all, who's sitting back in a heated enclosure dining on the exotic delicacies of the east reading the paper and who's doing the feeding and fetching eh?

This guard was therefore elected by the pandas and Genma in particular to be the provider of transport for Genma and Frank, all they needed were his car keys.

* * *

Panda philosophy consists of three major thoughts where is my next meal, when is my next meal and is it time for a nap yet? While this leads to a simple and peaceful life it doesn't do much for the continuation of the species. Hence to panda eyes at least the unholy fascination humans had with breeding programmes. Which of course is why the great panda philosopher Ling rose to prominence, he introduced a fourth major tenet to panda philosophy - What again?

Ling also argued that human people spent way too much time worrying about the reproductive side of life and used the rise of the internet as proof of his argument. As yet no panda had come up with an argument to counter this point.

Not that any of them bothered to look real hard.

* * *

Thursday night the pandas gathered, while there was some consternation among the guards about the `lost' keys, no additional security had been put in place. The pandas noted that there had been no change to the guards routine so at the appointed time the pandas moved.

From Basil and Sybil's (known as Fei and Yumi to the outside world) enclosure the zoo clock was clearly visible and as the eight o'clock guard passed by the pandas lurched into action. Genma quickly opened the enclosures and the two groups split up. Genma and Frank checked the enclosure gates and made certain they were all securely locked once again and then moved off to the staff lunch and locker rooms.

* * *

For what was supposedly a secure installation Genma found this too easy, as if there was some hidden trap just waiting to be sprung. Maps of the entire installation were dotted throughout the zoo and each enclosure, building and location was clearly labelled. There were even signs saying you are here showing exactly where you were!

Still Genma and Frank took no chances, they had dirtied the white markings in their fur before leaving the enclosure so they might better hide in the shadows and so they did. The two panda crept steathily through the zoo carefully skirted the better lit areas, avoiding the wider pathways and wound their way ever closer to their target.

Their stealthy journey was not without it's close moments. As they passed the lion's cage a guard had come upon them unexpectedly, it was only luck that they had spotted the guard first and managed to crouch behind a small shrub.

The guard stopped across the pathway from where the pandas were concealed, Genma and Frank held the breathe as the guard looked about as if he was searching for something when something behind the pandas coughed.

Neither Frank or Genma moved.

The guard attracted by the sound stared intently towards their hiding place before his radio crackled to life. The guard spoke into his radio for a moment before heading off towards the far-side of the zoo.

Genma and Frank heaved an audible sigh of relief and slowly turned around to where an embarrassed looking lion was smiling at them sheepishly and holding a small sign saying `sorry.'

It was only a short trip from the lion's enclosure to the staff rooms and made even more nervous by the incident with the guard Genma and Frank jumped, hopped, crept and rolled from cover to cover until at last their objective was in sight.

From their latest hiding spot the two escapees could see into the staff rooms, three guards were currently drinking tea and enjoying a sandwich. As Frank and Genma watched a fourth guard joined them through a door which when it had opened revealed what they assumed must be the guards lockers. The two pandas shared a triumphant grin, now all they needed was to get past the guards.

Genma studied the building intently, he could just make out a skylight on the flat roof of the building, this he assumed would give them a perfect vantage point to scope out the locker room.

Gesturing to Frank, Genma crept as stealthily as his panda form would allow around the side of the building, it was here Genma spotted the next tool he would need to aid in their escape, a fire hose.

Frank and Genma carefully unreeled the hose, rolling it carefully, then Frank cut the hose off the reelting it of the reel with as they did so and then Genma sliced through the hose with his claws leaving a clean and perfect cut.

Frank grinned at Genma holding aloft a small sign `They also dig up bamboo shoots!'

Genma only grinned back as he boosted Frank to the low roof of the building beforem with grace unbecoming of an overweight panda, but not an overweight martial artist he flipped himself up onto the roof beside Frank.

The roof was of solid concrete construction negating the need for Genma and Frank to creep as stealthily as they had when navigating through the zoo. However Genma had impressed upon Frank before the escape the need for them to remain alert and stealthy at all times and so as they approached the skylight the two pandas kept low and crept forward with barely a sound.

Still keeping low Genma and Frank peered cautiously through the skylight to the room below, it was empty. Unfortunately there was only one door, the one they had seen open before through to the meal room.

Frank looked disappointed as he could see the dream of an easy escape disappear.

Genma however was unperturbed.

With the casual flick of a claw he released the catch of the skylight and ever so slowly lifted the skylight up until he could lay half of the skylight back on it's hinges in the open position. Handing one end of the fire hose to Frank Genma tied the other end around himself and through a combination of signs and sign language communicated his intentions to Frank.

Moments later Frank found himself at the wrong end of a rope lowering a Genma spread-eagled like a skydiver through the open skylight. Slowly Genma was lowered into the locker room and with the benefit of a lifetimes worth of skill in aerial martial arts Genma managed to somehow keep his body roughly parallel to the floor.

When he was still about ten feet from the floor, the worst, or maybe the second worst thing possible happened. A guard walked into the room, Frank straddling the skylight quickly noted Genma's frantic hand-signals and stopped lowering his friend. The two pandas froze.

Genma held his breath as the guard passed beneath him still talking over his shoulder back through the open door behind him. The guard walked lazily towards his locker and rummaged through his belongings obviously searching for something. Genma's throat was dry and he had an almost irresistible urge to swallow, Frank could only stare in shock as the guard continued to search his locker.

After only a minute, though it had seemed like hours the guard found what he was obviously seeking and turned to leave the room, as he reached the centre of the room, almost directly below Genma he paused. Again words where exchanged with the guards in the other room.

Genma started to panic, this wasn't working, the guard just wasn't going to leave.

`If the door was closed' Genma thought `I could knock this guard out, tie him up and hide him on the roof, but the door.'

Genma rapidly made up plans and discarded them just as quickly.

`If only the boy was here' Genma thought sadly `he could be through the door and have those guards unconscious before they knew he was even here.'

Genma was just about to signal Frank to drop him and try his luck with taking out the guards when the guard again started for the door, only he didn't close it.

Genma stared `Was this guard born in a tent? So close, they had come so close.'

Genma stared at the door willing it to close and finally lost patience with the door, which obviously lacked even the most rudimentary telepathic ability and threw a sign at it.

`Oh crap' thought Genma `now I've gone and done it.'

The sign bounced lightly off the back of the door and dropped to the ground with barely a sound, the door miraculously swung shut.

Genma stared, unaware that staring at doors was showing signs of become a habit and listened to see if there was any reaction for the guards. There was none.

Genma, though he could not read English, had memorised the look of the name tag on Rimmer's uniform and slowly, by waving his arms and legs rotated himself until he found himself facing Rimmer's locker.

He gestured to Frank and again Frank started lowering Genma, until Genma getsured for him to stop. Ganma was now hovering parallel to floor at an elevation of about four feet. Genma swung himself gently until he could grasp the front of the locker and gingerly turned the handle.

Genma smiled to himself as well as being a mean spirited, authoritarian, `what was the name the panda Dave used to describe Rimmer' Genma pondered `ah yess, smeg-head' Rimmer was also a neatness freak. There on there own shelf not only were Rimmer's key but also an added bonus.

Genma quickly snatched his booty, closed the locker and gestured to frank to pull him back up.

Moments later the two pandas grinned triumphantly at each other as Genma held up Rimmer's car keys in one paw and Rimmer's wallet in the other.

`Now' thought Genma `if only Frank would only stop humming the theme to Mission Impossible.'

* * *

Genma and Frank had no trouble locating, reaching or accessing the staff carpark. In fact it was all a bit of an anti-climax. Even better Rimmer's car had central locking with one of those little buttons which you push where the blinkers all flash and the doors unlock so the pandas had no trouble locating the car either.

A Mini Cooper S.

`You drive?' signed Genma.

`No.' replied Frank.

`No problem' Genma returned with a grin `martial arts driving.'

Frank grinned back.

Genma smiled even wider as he signed `I've also seen The Italian Job thirty-seven times.'

Genma climbed into the driver's seat and adjusted the seat while a slightly worried Frank slid into the passenger seat and started rummaging through the glove box.

As Genma started the Mini Frank handed Genma a pair of sunglasses and finding a second pair donned a pair himself, Genma tried the sunglasses on and checked his reflection in the mirror as Frank pulled a packet of cigarettes out of the glove box.

Frank offered a cigarette to Genma, which he gratefully accepted as Frank searched for and found a lighter and with which he lit both cigarettes.

Fastening his seat-belt Genma started the engine and revved it a few times to hear the sweet sound of the engine, he then flipped a sign up for Frank to read.

`It's five hours to St James' Park, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses!'

Frank held up a sign that just said `Hit it!'

Genma knocked the Mini into gear, revved the engine and popped the clutch. The small car flew backwards out of it's parking spot with a roar and cloud of burning rubber, fifty yards from where it had started the Mini performed a perfect 180 and disappeared into the night.

* * *

Genma had forgotten how much he enjoyed driving was and as he drove through city streets it was only the fact that he wanted to attend the football game in the morning that kept him within the legal speed limit.

It's a well known fact that pandas are not renowned for driving and besides that Genma was unlicensed, so they could not afford to be stopped, so Genma rigidly obeyed the rules of the road, trying to stay unnoticed by the police.

So it was unfortunate that as he pulled up at a set of traffic lights a police car should pull up beside them.

* * *

George Baxter and Edgar Caldicutt had been police officer for a combined total of sixty-two years. During that time they had seen many things and if the two of them were to be believed when speaking to younger officers just joining the force they had seen it all.

The Metropolitan Police Force was their life and no matter what part of their lives you examined you could see the influence of their police career. They didn't catch fish on their days off, they collared them. They never walked, they proceeded. They didn't weed their gardens, they rounded up the usual suspects.

When George and Edgar brought their police vehicle to a halt at traffic lights, just down the street from that really good Indian takeaway, George having a fondness for Indian food always described these particular traffic lights in this way, much to annoyance of Edgar.

Edgar, always the complete professional would have described the their experience at the traffic lights as follows;

`at approximately 0130 hours of the evening in question Sergeant George Baxter (Serial No. 54789) and myself Sergeant Edgar Caldicutt (Serial No. 89474) where proceeding in an east to west direction along the High Street in police vehicle No.N45E being driven by Sergeant George Baxter came to a halt at the set of traffic lights at the intersection of the aforementioned High Street and Grand Avenue. Upon stopping at the aforementioned traffic lights my attention was drawn to a late model Mini, colour dark green with white roof, being driven by a large panda with another panda in the passenger seat.

`I indicated to the panda driving the vehicle to pull over to side of the road ….'

* * *

Genma and Frank tried to remain calm as the policemen stared across at the two occupants of the Mini. But when the police officers started making gestures for them to pull over Genma decided there was no option but to run for it.

Genma checked the mirrors, put the Mini in reverse and sped backwards up the street they had just come down, Frank looked worriedly across at Genma who was wearing a look of concentration uncommon among pandas and almost unknown upon the face of Genma. The police car had completed it's u-turn at the traffic lights and was now speeding after them.

Genma had already proven his mastery of the 180 and again this skill did not fail him as he performed this maneuver and picked up speed now he was travelling forward once again. Genma knew it was only a matter of time before the police car chasing them managed to obtain some assistance, either other cars or worse a helicopter so he needed to lose his pursuer quickly.

`Oh yes' he thought as he spotted what he thought they needed.

Frank's eyes widened then almost popped as Genma slammed on the brakes, spun the Mini and headed for the sidewalk. Frank had only time for a quickly signed `Eeeeep!' before the Mini was launched into the air after striking the gutter before the nose of the Mini led them down a set of stairs.

What followed was a blur for Frank as Genma skillfully maneuvered the Mini down the flight of stairs and down onto the railway platform, he never even had time to protest when Genma launched the Mini off the platform and onto the tracks, leaving stunned late night commuters in their path.

Free of pursuers and other road traffic Genma accelerated down the underground tunnel, the lights of the Mini lit up the round shape of the tunnel before them, featureless except for the occasional worklight and safety holes cut into the tunnel walls.

They passed through one of the underground stations of which all Frank saw was a sudden shocking burst of light, which due to the speed they were travelling lasted only a split second. As they re-entered the darkness of the tunnel Frank glanced nervously across at Genma.

Genma was wearing the widest grin Frank had ever seen on the face of a panda, it was so wide in fact that Frank was worried it must be painful. Genma must have noticed the weight of Frank's glance as he turned to look a Frank and gave him a thumbs up.

`I'm doomed' thought Frank `I doing a thousand miles an hour down a train tunnel with a panda that thinks he's Michael Caine in the Italian Job.'

It should be noted that pandas who rarely travel above a slow walking pace have a tendency to exaggerate any speed over fifteen miles per hour.

It was at the next station that lost at least ten years off his life.

Ahead they could see the glow of an approaching station, while this was not a cause for concern, what was a concern was that they could also see a train approaching the station from the other direction.

Frank started to pray fervently that he would pass out, preferably sooner rather than later. For while this would probably be the most spectacular death every achieved by a panda or in this case pandas, Frank was certain he did not want to witness it.

Genma however showed no sign that he considered this either unexpected, unfortunate or unplanned. He sped up.

Frank rued the day he ever climbed into this car with an obviously suicidal panda.

The walls of the tunnel were rounded and Genma, still accelerating drove up the wall. This didn't appease Frank at all, as he knew the tunnel was not wide enough to allow train and car to safely pass. Genma did not stop in fact he continued until at the exact moment the tunnel opened out to the station platform Genma passed the apex of the ceiling of the tunnel and the little Mini dropped onto the platform.

The train driver who still hadn't come to terms with the sight of the Mini driving across the ceiling of the tunnel could only watch in amazement as the small car bounced once, then twice on the station platform before spinning end for end and coming to a stop at the farthest end of the platform.

Frank turned to Genma who was still grinning like a fool, an expression Frank had never really appreciated until this moment.

Genma waved a sign saying `I think that's our exit' towards a set of stairs leading upwards.

Before Frank could reply the little Mini was off with a squeal of tyres

* * *

George and Edgar never described the drivers of the Mini in any official report, citing that the lighting at the intersection was insufficient for an accurate description to be given.

After all they weren't ready for a pension just yet.

* * *

At seven thirty the next morning Rimmer again wandered past the panda enclosure as he did on a regular basis each night, only now, for the first time since night fell he could see into the enclosure.

It was empty.

Almost empty. Just through the door was a neatly folded piece of paper. Cautiously Rimmer reached through the bars of the door and pulled out the paper. With trembling hands he unfolded the paper to read;

Dear Rimmer

Gone out, back Sunday.

Don't wait up.

the Pandas.

PS. Thanks for the loan of the car.

* * *

The football match was great success.

The game was a draw, but the excitement of actually being there to see a live game was enough for the pandas. With the Guard Rimmer's wallet and credit cards, Genma was also adept at forgery, the pandas were able to be fitted out in all the latest team kit. Genma in a bout of generosity, something he had always avoided, even purchased souvenirs for the boy.

After the game Genma, since Rimmer was paying, Genma gave the pandas returning to the zoo cab fare plus a little spending money. It was quiet and quite emotional send-off for the escaping pandas, for the past few weeks these pandas had been family and they all found that each was going to miss the other. In a strange way Genma felt he made a better panda than man and as he said goodbye to each of the pandas he felt an familiar emotion tugging at his heart.

`This' he realised `is what it felt like when Ranma and I left Nodoka all those years ago. I'd forgotten.'

As Frank and Genma climbed into the Mini and waved goodbye to their friends Genma was overcome with a strange introspective mood that would stay with him for many days.

As Genma and Frank parked the little Mini for the last time on the docks prior to sneaking onboard a cargo ship Genma was again overcome with unfamiliar emotions. He would miss the little car, for a couple of days at least he had again enjoyed driving and as he stepped away he gave the Mini a fond pat on the bonnet.

Frank, who less reason to be fond of the Mini watched his friend as he made his farewell and then followed Genma down to the waiting ship.

* * *

The keepers at the zoo were surprised on late Sunday night when all but two of the escaped pandas showed up at the front gate of the zoo demanding to be let back in. Each panda was dressed in the black and white playing strip of their favourite team together with scarves, noise makers and beanies. Each of them were also more than a little drunk.

The other two pandas were never seen in England again.