Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Couch Trips ❯ “When pigs fly” ( Chapter 5 )

Chapter 5

"When pigs fly"

What has gone before: Ranma and Akane have started couples therapy. Under the guidance of an American psychiatrist named Dr. Robert Epstein. He also is a powerful projective empath.

"Are you sure you really want to do this Akane?" asked Ranma. He and Akane were standing in front of apartment 102 in a modest housing complex in Nerima.

Akane nodded.

Ranma sighed, took a deep breath and pushed the doorbell.

In a few moments a man in his late middle age opened the door. He was a white European, with a close-cropped white beard. His hair was long and slightly darker than his beard. He was wearing American style jeans, an African print short-sleeve shirt. On his head was a knit cap in red, green and black. "Why, hello Ranma. Hello Akane. Right on time."

"Hello, Doctor Epstein," said Akane.

"Hi, Doc," Ranma said in greeting at the same time.

"Come on in you two. I'll get the tea," said Doctor Epstein and beckoning them in with one hand, turned and walked back into the apartment. Ranma and Akane quickly took off their street shoes and put on the soft slippers that were left out for them to use.

As they entered the living room, Dr. Epstein was just placing a tea service onto a small round table that stood just to the side and between a large overstuffed chair and a plush and embroidered couch. Ranma and Akane sat on the couch. Dr. Epstein took his time making the tea. He was using his senses to gauge the mood of his guests. Finally satisfied with both the tea and his evaluation, he poured tea for everyone and sat down in the chair.

"So," began the doctor. "What do you want to talk about today?"

Ranma shot a quick glance toward Akane. He could see how uncomfortable she was. She looked at Ranma, saw him looking and nodded. Akane looked down at her feet. "Well, you see…" began Ranma. "It's about…ah, jeez, I mean…oh hell, doc it's the curse, our parents, the fiancés, the wedding schemes, it's everything that's going on with us right now."

"We don't know what to do, Doctor," added Akane. She never looked up when she spoke; instead she stared at her feet. "It's too much. It's just too much." Akane began to cry.

--> [Author:AdH]

Ranma put his arm around his fiancé and pulled her close. His other hand gently tried to brush away her tears, but there were too many of them. Ranma could face dragons and gods and somehow win; those were things he knew how to do. The one thing Ranma wanted to do he couldn't. That one thing was to make the women he loved happy. "We just want to live a normal life," said Ranma. "It that too much to ask?"

"No Ranma," replied the doctor. "But it might not possible."

"Thanks, doc," said Ranma sarcastically. "Just what we needed to hear. I thought you were gonna help us?"

"Just stating a fact, Ranma. From what you've told me about your life, it doesn't seem likely. What you need to do, what you both need to do is figure out how to get some control over the situation."

"Take control? How?" Asked Akane in desperation.

"I would think that the first thing you would need to do is identify all the issues in your life that are preventing you both from being happy."

"Well, that's easy," said a grim Ranma. "There's the curse."

"Ranma, I told you. I don't care about the curse."

Ranma grimaced then, after a moment of thought, nodded. "Okay, I can live with the curse if you can. But there are still a lot of other problems we got."

"Maybe, but you just solved one of them, didn't you," stated the doctor while smiling.

"Well, sorta," admitted Ranma.

Akane nodded firmly. That matter was settled as far as she was concerned.

"So, what are the other issues?"

Ranma and Akane looked at each other for a second.

"Ukyo. She's my oldest friend doc; I can't stand to see her hurt. --> She loves me, and I like her a real lot. But I love Akane." [Author:AdH]

Akane squeezed Ranma `s hand. "She's my friend too, doc. If Ranma had not…" Akane `s shoulders shook with emotion, her voice becoming huskier. Her eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. "...Had not picked me, I would hoped he would have picked Ukyo."

Ranma looked over at Akane in surprise. Finally he shrugged. "Pops really messed things up for Ukyo. Because of me, Ukyo spent 10 years of her life as a boy, while training to take vengeance on the Saotome clan. I've got to make things right for her. Even if Pops won't."

The doctor nodded. "What's the next problem?"

"Shampoo. Her people's laws already have us married. Amazons have really strange laws about a lot of things. It makes Shampoo a little… aggressive where me and Akane are concerned."

"She's a homicidal maniac and you know it Ranma." A faint red glow started to form around Akane.

"It ain't me I'm worried about it's you!" An answering blue glow sprang into existence around Ranma.

"Hey, I'm a martial artist too you know." Akane's ki aura flared even brighter.

"Ya aint in her class Akane, I keep telling you that." Ranma's aura was almost too bright for the doctor to look at directly.

"Idiot!"

The couch started to smoke. And then, like a soap bubble, the auras vanished. For a few moments no one spoke. "Are you two quite finished?" asked the doctor then. He was very annoyed and he showed it. Sweat was beading on his forehead and he hastily mopped it up with a handkerchief. Dampening down this level of emotion was hard work. Sighing, the doctor finished mopping his brow and stowed the handkerchief in his back pocket. Dr. Epstein fixed his two unruly patients with a stern gaze. "I see we have another problem to deal with." He sighed again. "Let's continue."

"Sorry, doctor."

"Sorry, doc."

"Next on the list would be Kodachi." Said Akane.

"She's crazier than Shampoo and just as dangerous. No WAY am I gonna marry her," said Ranma firmly. "I'd rather die first."

Akane reached for and found Ranma `s hand. She squeezed his large, callused hand between her two much smaller, though just as callused, hands.

The doctor made a couple of notes in his notepad. "What or who is the next problem?"

"Ryoga."

"Ryoga? I thought you'd say Kuno."

"Nah. Kuno is just a pain in the butt. He's got nothing on Pork-boy."

"Well, stop picking on him," growled Akane as she tried to control her temper.

"Hey! Pork-butt is the one that starts it. I get kinda tired of hearing `Ranma prepare to die.' Every time I see him." Ranma snarled right back.

" --> Stop calling him names. Honestly Ranma 'Piggy, Porkchop, Pig Boy, even P-chan.' Akane stopped to catch her breath. She was angry, but she was controlling it. "And the way you treat P-chan."

"Who's P-chan, Akane?" asked the doctor. He was looking puzzled. He and Ranma had spoke about Ryoga a little bit. Just enough to know that there was a rivalry of some sort between the two. They had never discussed it in any great detail and nothing about a P-chan.

"P-Chan? P-Chan is my pet pig."

"Pet pig?"

"Yes, he's the cutest little black piglet you ever saw. Ranma keeps chasing it away, but he always finds his way back. It's such a cute little thing. I don't know why Ranma hates him."

"How long have you had `P-chan'?" asked the doctor. The flair of emotion coming from Ranma was a combination of anger, fear and jealousy. `Jealousy? Why was there all this emotion over a little pig? It didn't make sense.' He thought to himself.

"Oh, I guess he showed up around the same time as Ryoga. " Akane laughed. "Ryoga even taught him some tricks."

"Like what?" Asked the doctor. Ranma's emotions flared even higher.

"Well, sometimes Ryoga uses P-chan to bring me gifts from wherever he has visited." Akane giggled. "One time P-chan brought back crackers from Okinawa."

"How did P-chan get to Okinawa?" asked the doctor.

Akane laughed again. "I didn't say P-chan was in Okinawa. I said Ryoga was. P-chan just brought me the crackers. Ryoga must have given them to P-chan when he was in Nerima."

"Did Ryoga show up to see if the present was delivered?"

"Oh, not for several days." Akane smiled gently. "Ryoga gets lost so easily."

"Ranma?" Asked the doctor. "Why is there a problem with P-chan?"

Ranma shook his head. "What good would it do?" he thought. "It's not like the Tomboy would ever listen." "It's just not right." He said aloud. "He shouldn't be sleeping with Akane." Ranma clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Honestly." Huffed Akane. "I can't believe you're jealous of a pig? He's not Ryoga you know."

Dr. Epstein paused as he analyzed the emotions coming from Ranma. "Akane?" Began the doctor. "You said that P-chan showed up at the same time as Ryoga." Akane nodded. "Yeah, and it was when I discovered what pervert Ranma was."

"Akane." Whimpered Ranma.

"Sorry Ranma." Murmured Akane. "But you did sneak into my room that night."

"I told ya." Stammered Ranma. "I wasn't there to…you know. I was after the pig. Ya gotta believe me."

Akane turned to Dr. Epstein. "Okay doctor, you tell me. If you were a girl, sleeping in your room, when late at night this…boy; wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt, I might add, carrying a tea kettle full of hot water, sneaks into your room?"

"Tea kettle?" asked the doctor. "Was Ranma a girl at the time?"

"Well no." Admitted Akane slowly. A horrible thought started to form.

"So why would Ranma bring a tea kettle into your room late at night?" The doctors puzzlement was evident in his voice." If Ranma had been a girl and intended to change into a boy at some point, it might make sense"

Akane `s certainty about past events had been shaken due to the sessions with the doctor. She finally had realized that Ranma was not a pervert. But if Ranma was not a pervert, then why did he sneak into her room and why the teakettle?" Suddenly all the pieces fell into place for Akane. "RYOGA prepare to die!" screamed Akane.

"Oh, jeez," whimpered Ranma. "NOW she figures it out."

The doctor was so stunned by the sudden flair of anger that erupted from Akane that he couldn't move for a moment. Before he could react and dampen the extreme emotional outburst. Akane was gone. She was through the front door and racing down the street. The smashed door sporting a brand new Akane shaped hole in it.

"Akane, come back!" screamed Ranma. "Come on doc we gotta find her before she finds Ryoga."

"Go ahead. I'll catch up," shouted the doctor as he ran a different direction away. Ranma shrugged and ran down the street. He had run for several minutes and still hadn't found any sign of his furious fiancé and was about to turn around when he heard the thunderous roar of an engine. Around the corner came the biggest, and loudest, motorcycle he had ever seen. Riding the monster hog was… the doctor! The bike screeched to a halt right next to him.

"Hop on, Ranma!" the doctor cried and tossed him a helmet. Ranma jammed the helmet on to his head and got on. The doctor barely waited for Ranma to settle himself before gunning the engine and pealed out. Ranma grabbed the doctor around his waist and held on for dear life. The motorcycle flew down the narrow streets of Nerima. Houses became mere blurs as the machine built up speed.

"I'm gonna die," Ranma wailed, as the bike screeched around corners in a tight arc. The doctor leaning the bike over until Ranma was sure his head was going to scrape against the pavement.

Suddenly the doctor pointed to a small children's park to the left. Akane! Unfortunately she had already found Ryoga. Ryoga was on the ground and on his back, using his hands and feet to scuttle away from her. Akane aura was glowing so bright and fierce that smoke could be seen coming from the grass under her feet. Her mallet was already out and held mercilessly over her head.

"Akane, please let me explain," he pleaded.

"Explain what? You PIG!" screamed Akane bring down the mallet. It just barely missed Ryoga `s head as the force of the impact cratered the ground where it landed. The mallet rose again. "You lied to me." Wham went the mallet, another crater. "You slept in my bed." Another crater. "You... you pervert!" Shifting her grip, she swung the mallet in an underhand arc that Tiger Woods would be envious of and blasted Ryoga into the stratosphere. "And stay lost!" she screamed after the rapidly retreating Ryoga.

"Whoa," said Ranma.

"Shouldn't we go after him?" said the doctor walking up next to Ranma. "He might be badly hurt."

"Nah. Ryoga `s tough. He'll be fine," said Ranma.

The doctor looked at him dubiously for a moment, then nodded.

"RANMA!"

Uh, oh! Ranma started to back away.

"Don't even think about running away, Saotome, you have some explaining to do."

Ranma twiddled his fingers, pulled his pigtail and stared at his feet. "No mallets," he whispered desperately.

Something in his stance managed to reach her. "Ranma, I am waiting for an explanation." Her voice was much softer. She was still angry but under control.

Ranma sighed in relief. Silence stretched as Ranma fought to find the right words to explain.

"Look," came the doctor's voice breaking the silence. "There's a small restaurant right over there. Let's get some tea and discuss this calmly."

"I don't want to be calm." Said Akane. "I want to be mad. I want to HIT something. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried to, honest, but you wouldn't listen."

"Come on both of you. Let's get some tea and talk this over," said the doctor desperately as he was exerting every bit of calming influence he had at this command. He was sweating from the effort. Gradually though, Akane `s towering anger began to wane and she allowed herself to be led to the restaurant.

The restaurant turned out to be a small American style coffee house of the type that was beginning to spring up in the more cosmopolitan areas of Japan. There were small tables big enough for two along one wall, a couple of couches and a larger table made a conversation nook near the back. The doctor led Akane and Ranma to one of the couches. "Let me get some tea. You stay here with Akane. Okay, Ranma? Wait until I return before we talk."

Ranma just nodded.

Akane sat stiffly on the couch. She was no longer radiating anger as intensely but a red flickering in her eyes told Ranma that it could erupt again at any time. Ranma began to pull at his pigtail. What was keeping the doctor? `Hurry up please!' He pleaded internally.

Dr. Epstein walked back from the counter with a tray, a teapot and three cups. Two of the cups were the usually type used for tea. The third was larger and had a handle, the smell of coffee wafted toward Ranma. Dr. Epstein placed the teapot and two cups in front of Ranma and taking the mug sat on the couch opposite them. Ranma poured tea for Akane and then himself, while the doctor took a sip from his mug. Akane picked up the cup that Ranma had placed before her. She stared into its depths for a long time and then, took a sip, closed her eyes and sighed.

Without opening her eyes, she spoke softly, "Okay Ranma, I'm listening."

For the next 15 minutes Ranma told the tale. How Ryoga followed him to China. How he accidentally knocked Ryoga into the spring of drowned piglet. How he swore on his honor not to tell Akane. And, finally, how angry and jealous he got when Ryoga continued his deception.

Throughout the entire time, Akane remained silent and never once opened her eyes. Finally Ranma `s tale ended and he fell silent. Akane kept her eyes closed for a while longer and then, with another sip of tea, opened them. "That is the stupidest thing I ever heard."

"What?"

"I can't believe you would let your honor make you do something so stupid."

"But Akane…"

"No buts! I thought Ryoga was my friend. He lied to me. He took advantage of both of us. I want to know one thing. Why? Why did he do it?"

"Because he thinks he loves you."

"Love? That pervert doesn't know the meaning of the word. I have half a mind to call Akari and tell her the truth about her boyfriend. It would serve him right if she dumped him."

"Akane…"

"And you Ranma. You should have told me."

"I tried! Really Akane, I tried."

Akane sighed and took another sip of her tea. "Yes, you did. I'm sorry Ranma I should have listened. I should have trusted you." She closed her eyes again. "I am never going to forgive him."

"Akane?"

"Yes Ranma?"

"Could you, sorta, try to forgive him? For me."

"Forgive him? After what he did, I would think you'd want to pound him as much as I do."

"Heck Akane, I pound him ever chance I get."

Despite her anger Akane giggled, but sobered quickly. "Then why?"

"Because, because underneath it all, he's my friend." Ranma tugged on his pigtail. "I don't really have a lot of friends, y'know."

Akane was about to say something and then stopped. Ranma was right, he didn't have a lot of friends. In fact most of his friends were also often his enemies; Ryoga, Mousse, Shampoo, and even Ukyo. Akane found she couldn't even name one person that Ranma knew that hadn't tried to attack him at one time or another. Her anger was completely gone now. Still... "Okay Ranma I'll try, but if I see `P-Chan' any time soon, we are having bacon for breakfast."

Ranma let out a sigh of relief.

"But you, Mr. Saotome, had better not ever keep something like this from me again. You got that?"

"Yes, dear," said Ranma.

Akane glanced over at him on the `dear' expecting to see a smirk on his face. Instead she only saw relief. A faint blush came to her face. 'He probably didn't even know he called me that.' She thought, 'I think I could get used to it.'

"Well now I know what Ono meant when he said Nerima was `unusual'," said Dr. Epstein with a chuckle. "I think I could get to like it here."

"Ah, this ain't nothing doc. Usually there's a powerful new martial artist looking for a fight or a monster or the Tomboy gets kidnapped."

"Ranma!"

"Hey, Akane! You are a Tomboy. But you're my Tomboy. Right?"

"Dummy," said Akane, but she was smiling when she said it.

"I've heard worse pet names from couples,' declared the doctor while trying to control his laughter.

"What?" the couple chorused.

"Face it, you two. You're going to be calling each other Tomboy and Dummy for the rest of you lives. You will probably also fight a lot as well."

Akane bit her lip in worry, looking over at Ranma she could tell he was not taking this observation well either.

"Are you saying that Ranma and I shouldn't get married?" Akane looked like she was about to cry.

"Not at all," laughed the doctor. "I think you two are as perfect a couple as I've ever seen. You are just going to have to adjust to the fact that there is not going to be anything traditional about your marriage. One things for certain, you two will never be bored."

Akane and Ranma joined in as Dr. Epstein started to laugh.

Suddenly Akane stopped laughing. "Oh dear," she said. "We never finished our discussion. Oh, we are NEVER going to resolve ANYTHING at this rate."

"Oh, I don't know. You resolved two issues tonight. Ranma `s curse and Ryoga," said the doctor with a huge smile. "Pretty good for one session. Don't you think?"

"Well, I guess."

"Take it from me, Akane, I've worked with couples with a fraction of the number of problems you two have and they had to work a lot harder than you to resolve them."

"Really?" asked Akane dubiously.

The doctor nodded. The three sat quietly for a while. Ranma `s arm had, by this time, wrapped itself around Akane 's shoulder and Akane was leaning against him. To the doctor's extra sense he could feel the love the two had for each other. 'It's times like this that I am very glad to be empathic,' thought the doctor. Then the doctor looked at his watch and started to chuckle.

"What is it, Doc?" asked Ranma.

"Well it looks like tonight's session has just ended." He laughed again. "I think I can leave you two to get home on your own. See you next week?" On their nod, the doctor got up, grabbed the two helmets and left the restaurant. A few minutes later the roar of a motorcycle could be heard quickly fading off into the distance.

"Ranma?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you really think we are a `perfect couple', like the doctor said?"

"Don't ask me. It's not like I have anything to compare us to."

"I guess you're right."

"Akane?"

"Yes, Ranma?"

"You're not really..."

"Not really what?" she pushed herself away from him so she could look into his eyes. She could tell Ranma was trying to say something important.

"Not really a tomboy." He shook his head. "I just called you that cause…"

Akane could see him struggle to find the words he wanted. She smiled. "It's ok, I understand."

"You do?"

She nodded. The she playfully poked him on the nose with her finger. "But you're still a dummy." She then hugged him. "But you're MY dummy and I don't think I'd want you any other way."

They sat there for a while just enjoying each other's company.

End Chapter 5

I can't see Akane starting to cry, getting frustrated and angry with tears in her eyes, yes. Bawling, no.

Try to use the full spell of words, like "okay" instead of "OK" unless there's a reason for the 'slang'.

I really can't see Ranma suddenly saying that he loves Ukyo. She's a bud or a best friend, not a 'love'.

Japanese factoid of the day, never *directly* mention honor, only show it.

Try not to repeat too much, like "Well"

Be sure to start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks. You typically also want to start a new paragraph when you have a concise, differet thought or scene.