Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Enough Already ❯ Enough Already ( One-Shot )

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Enough Already
by Xelan
(xelan@linainverse.com) - email c&c to me.

Xelan's Archive:
(http://xelan.virtualave.net) - Popup free webpage.
(http://www.xelan.cjb.net) - Permanent webpage with Popups.

A poorly written spamfic that has had little pre-reading, has screwy
formatting, and is probably only vaguely funny. Oh well...

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this fic.
I am not making a profit, so please don't sue me.

See, even my disclaimer is poorly written. ;)

on to the strangeness.

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Mount Phoenix, Jusendo, Bayankala Range, China

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"O h no, Akane! This is the 7,356th time someone has written about my
battle with Saffron and for the 5,257th time, you've died!"

*Ranma attempts to cry, but it doesn't seem to be working*

"Now I have to scream that I didn't get to tell you I loved you,
again!"

*The attempted crying stops*

"Damn, I wish people could be a little more creative."

*Wooosh!*

"Be astounded mortal! For I am The Great Randomly Picked God Or Demon
That Is Probably From Oh My Goddess, But Any Pantheon Would Do."

"Yeah, right... and just how am I supposed to foul up my wish, or
be granted my second chance to be transported back in time or to
another dimension to relive every crappy thing that ever happened to
me and probably create a whole new mess of headaches if I can't even
say your name?"

"Oh. Heh, sorry. I guess my name is a bit tough for someone who isn't
divine. You can call me Pat."

"Pat, huh? I kinda expected something a little bit flashier. Why
settle for that?"

"Oh, no real reason. I liked the movie, and gender neutral helps keep
me flexible."

"Yeah, I see your point. Oh, and that thing about not being divine.
Give it a few minutes. I'll probably make a wish, drink a potion, be
stranded in another dimension or find out I'm a son or distant
relation to a god, demon or likewise mystical and mythological
being."

"Oh yes, and speaking of wishes..."

"You're here to grant me one, right?"

"Umm, actually, no. I'm here to ask directions for finding someone
else to grant a wish to."

*Flips out an Ah! Megami-Sama manga which had been autographed by
Kosuke Fujishima*

"Let me see now - oh yeah. Here it is. Yggrasil. The divine
computer of the gods that is supposed to run all of creation. Pat,
how come you can't just ask Yggrasil where to find the guy you're
looking for?"

*Embarrassed flush*

"Well, that's the problem. The young man I'm looking for is supposed
to be eternally lost. He moves too fast for Yggrasil to lock on to
him and give us his location."

"Oh! You must mean Ryoga Hibiki!

*scratches head*

"What'd he do to deserve a wish?"

*SMILE*

"Nothing at all. The only reason he's getting one is because there is
a 99.99999% chance he'll make a wish to severely inconvenience your
life."

*Pat SMILES AGAIN but BIGGER*

*Smacks fist into open palm*

"I knew it, the gods really are out to get me."

"Hey, keep in mind, I'm also potentially a demon, so really, you
should say, the gods or the forces of Hell are out to get me."

*SMILE*

"Oh joy. how could I have forgotten that? Anyway, why should I help
you stick it to me?"

"Because in all likelyhood, I'm an incredibly gorgeous babe and you
can't help but love me?"

"Try again, and make it good. I just finished killing a phoenix god
for the 7,356th time and I'm a little tired of gods, goddesses and
everything else in between trying to influence my hormonal levels by
batting their eyes and showing a little flesh."

"Who else other than me?"

*Stares hard and starts ticking off fingers*

"Shampoo, Ucchan, Kodachi, Nabiki, Hinako, Urd, Mara, Skuld, Usagi,
Ami, Minako, Makoto, Rei, Hotaru, Setsuna, Haruka, Michiru, all three
Starlights..."

*He stops for a minute, realizing he's run out of fingers and toes to
count on.*

"Let me borrow your hand a minute. I'm almost done."

*nod*

*grab*

"...Asuka, Rei A., Ritsuko, Misato, and Ranko."

"Wow. Impressive."

"Not really. I think I've probably slept with every anime character
in existence. Male, female, or both."

"I see your point. Wait a minute..."

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking, Haruka and Michiru are lesbians,
Hotaru's too young for me and Setsuna's too old."

*Setsuna steps through a glowing time portal and whaps Ranma upside
the head with her time staff*

"Hmph... serves him right. How dare he say I'm too old."

*Setsuna exits back through the portal*

"Owww... Damn, 'must be her time of the millennium. I forgot she's due
just past the century."

"Actually, I was going to ask how you could have slept with Ranko?
Isn't she your cursed form?"

"Well, most of the time we're split apart with spring of drowned
twin, sometimes she's my sister, other times we're lovers from the
Silver Millenium. One time she was from another dimension where I
went all girl full-time."

"Right..."

*Pat's eyes twitch slightly. Pat tries to clear the imagined
images of Ranma, Ranko, and everyone else, but fails*

"Let's get back to why you should help me screw you over."

"Alright, poor choice of words, but like I said, you better make it
good."

"How about I promise to make you into a sailor scout or some other
magical girl-related character?"

"No way."

"Lethal, legendary hitokiri from long ago or the updated, modern
equivalent?"

"Nope."

"Gundam pilot?"

"Uh uh."

"Magic-weilding, flat-chested sorceress with a talent for destruction
and saving the world?"

"Not even close."

"Star of your own line of comedic manga, with a television series,
three movies, a half dozen OVAs, and as a bonus I'll make you the
most crossed over character in all of anime fanfiction?"

*Pat is getting desperate at this point*

"Sounds tempting... being a star _would_ be nice."

"Wouldn't it, though? Popularity, action, girls, guys, and even the
occasional bikini photo shoot."

*Realization Dawns*

"Oh, ho ho. Very funny. Like to mess with the minds of poor
aquatranssexuals, do we?"

"Uh oh..."

"Super Powerful Technique That Is Actually Impossible Under The Laws
Of Physics But I'm Ranma So What Do I Care Ultimate Technique
Revised!"

*Big blast just short of nuclear*

"Ah... that felt very cleansing. I'll have to remember that the next
time someone introduces a god-like, self-inserted character.

*cough* *cough*

"Oh, you survived, did you."

*more coughing, but Pat still attempts to look divine and regal. Pat
fails miserably*

"Well, what did you expect from The Great Randomly Picked God Or
Demon That Is Probably From Oh My Goddess, But Any Pantheon Would Do?
I still have a job to complete."

*coughs some more*

"Yeah, uh huh. You do realize that I couldn't care any less about
your job than I do right now?"

*Pat slumps down onto the rocky ground and starts crying*

"Great, sex appeal didn't work, so now you're crying?"

*nod*

"Well it's not going to work this time. Do you have any idea how many
times I've been suckered into doing stuff that I hate by crying
people? DO YOU!?!?!?!"

*shakes head*

"One fucking time too often. It's not gonna work with me!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Alright, alright! Enough already. I'll make you a deal. You give me
something that'll fix this cracked, magical, Amazon mirror and I'll
tell you where Ryoga is."

*Pat drops a small bottle into Ranma's outstretched hand*

-Loki's Wacky Glue: Good for enchanted masks, magic mirrors, and
Silver Imperium Crystals-

"That should do it. I've kept up my end of the bargain, now where's
Ryoga Hibiki?"

*Ranma looks up from the mirror that has just been fixed*

"I'm just about to achieve happiness. He should be along shortly to
ruin it."

*SMILE*

"Okay, thanks!"

"RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!!"

*the aforementioned aquaporkroast shows up*

"Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Anyway, here Ryoga. Pat
wants to see you."

"Huh?"

"Not very bright, is he, Ranma?"

"Nope, but you'll get used to it."

"Shut up, Ranma! I wish that you could suffer a fate even worse than
death, but I guess I'll have to settle for beating you and sending
you to hell, instead."

*cracks knuckles*

"Damn, why didn't I see that coming. Oh, wait. I did see it coming."

*Ranma shrugs, and just looks bored and vaguely disappointed. He
prepares to shout his line*

"Ryoga, you IDIOT!"

"That can be arranged."

*Pat begins to float and glow and stuff*

"Wait, I haven't had a chance use the mirror ye..."

*POOF*

*The mirror falls to the ground and shatters again*

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Somewhere and Somewhen else

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"Ughhh... where am I now."

*Ranma looks down at his clothes. They are big, red and baggy*

"What am I wearing? These aren't silk?"

*Ranma turns to look at his hand, and feels the *swish* of his long
white hair*

"What the?"

*Ranma stares at his hand. It now ends with razor sharp and bloody
claws. But most importantly, he stares at the glass bead that is
attached to a string that is held in that hand*

"INUYASHA!!"

*Ranma feels a sharp pain in his shoulder as he is launched backwards
to land pinned to a large tree*

"Ahh!"

*Ranma, now Inuyasha, reaches out with his good arm and weakly
screams to the universe*

"Bitch! How dare you..."

--------------------------------------------
End
< br>
Omake:

--------------------------------------------
< br> Jusenkyo, Jusendo, Bayankala Range, China

--------------------------------------------

"Oh no, Akane! This is the 7,357th time someone has written about my
battle with Saffron and for the 5,258th time, you've died!"

"Now I have to scream that I didn't get to tell you I loved you,
again!"

"Damn, I wish people could be a little more creative."

*Wooosh!*

"Be astounded mortal! For I am The Great Randomly Picked God Or Demon
That Is Probably From Oh My Goddess, But Any Pantheon Would Do-
Whoops!"

*Splash*

"You should really watch where you're teleporting."

*The guide comes rushing over*

"Oh, too bad sir. Customer fall in only un-cursed spring left. Wonder
what curse spring have now?"

*customer's dead body floats to the surface*

"Why, spring of Great Randomly Picked God Or Demon That Is Probably
From Oh My Goddess, But Any Pantheon Would Do, of course."

"Oh, too bad. We already have one of those."

*Guide begins filling in pool with quick drying cement*

"Only need one."

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Author's Notes:

I've always liked books, comics, and movies that had characters that
could break through the 4th wall. I like Ranma Crossovers. I really
do, but I wanted to have some fun with a Ranma who was aware of
everything that we fanfic writers routinely put him through.

No offense intended for anyone, but I do hope some people got a chuckle
out of this. I know I did.