Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Escape from Ranma Saotome! ❯ As Easy As 1-2-3 ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

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“Do–og”

Disclaimer: All in all it’s just another fic on the wall

ESCAPE FROM RANMA SAOTOME!
Presented by the Anonguy Workshop

[Step 4: As easy as 1-2-3]

A guide for when to make You+Me+She a Reality

Another day, another wasted effort as far as coming up with a plan to fix things. That was, at least, how Soun and Genma decided to view things when they sobered up after getting wasted when they couldn’t find the right and proper love charm. After their first day of browsing such illicit goods, Soun had swiftly learnt not to mention wanting to use it on his daughter.

Genma, meanwhile, learnt not to complain about his son loudly even as they were being chased away by angry shopkeepers. If they were incensed at Soun’s seemingly incestuous designs for their goods, they became far more mad at learning his friend was apparently just as bad a father. However, what neither of them learned was the art of precise explanation of their goals, aims and why they were searching for the goods that had nothing to do with either of them wanting to make their children fall in love with them.

Pity it would have made things so much easier for them if they could talk to everyone as easy as they did a bartender.

Soun had at least graduated back into the school of alcohol induced brain injuries, and as such was nursing one hell of a hangover. Genma, meanwhile, had not been able to enjoy as much sake as his friend due to his head’s repeated meetings with blunt objects. Nevertheless, Soun looked like death warmed over while Genma appeared to be death slightly undercooked, an odd pairing to be sure.

“I tell you old friend,” Soun said gravely, “if only we weren’t such horrible parents, the schools would already be joined by now.”

“Maybe, or if we’re being generous, the possibility wouldn’t be currently off the table, Tendo,” Genma intoned as he sat atop the garbage heap that had served as his bed for the night. While they had grown adept at earning small sums of cash under Happosai, they had not yet learned to control their vices and put the money to more practical use.

“It’s that son of yours!” Soun shouted, before his head throbbed and he collapsed back on his own heap in agony. “If he wasn’t such a coward...”

“I raised him too well,” Genma agreed, noticeably missing the entire volume of irony that came with that statement. “If only I had taught him the discipline necessary to control his manliness... if only!” Genma started crying for no apparent reason whatsoever, which made Soun feel awkward.

“It’s okay Saotome, we’ll get those two back together, hook or crook.” Soun didn’t speak aloud his hangover induced insight that neither option would work, not without confronting one of the two first.

“I hope so, it’s for the future of our schools!” Genma looked towards the sky.

“Our dream!” Soun cried, looking heavenward as well.

“That’s nice you two, but if you don’t clear out of here in the next five minutes, I’m coming back with my boys and we’ll toss you out.” This voice belonged to a short man, whose ratty countenance made one believe in the might of animal husbandry.

“As amusing as that’d be little man,” Soun retorted with an amazing amount of haughtiness for a guy with a hangover that would cripple a dinosaur. “We have long since retired from picking on the weak. Come Saotome, the day is still young and we have places to be.”

“Right behind you Tendo,” Genma said, eyeballing the little rat bastard for a good second before he and his hungover friend wobbled away from the garbage heap with their noses in the air.

“If only that old bat had left something behind.” Soun complained, referring to the fact that they had broken into the Cat Cafe the night of Akane dumping Ranma and found that Cologne had been incredibly thorough in packing up and leaving.

“Not that any of them would last for more than a day.” Genma grumbled, suddenly finding those mystic Amazon potions to be fair too temporary for his tastes.

“It would have been enough of a start at least!” Soun argued, as he had since they failed to retrieve anything. “Something to trace back to a stronger brew.”

“Like that love pill bracelet.” Genma was really pissed now that he had realized that the lifetime pill had been wasted and the one Akane had ingested had already worn off.

“Curse you master!” Soun howled, the beginning of his fabled waterworks starting up. “If only you hadn’t wasted the pills!”

Before they could dissolve into further disrespect for their teacher, both of their stomachs decided they would voice the need for them to get food soon.

“Ah,” Genma said, looking down. “I’m hungry.”

“Same.” Soun agreed, looking around to see where they were. “Looks like we’ll have to put in some legwork to get our daily meal.”

“Won’t be the first time.” Genma scoffed.

“Won’t be the last,” Soun reminded him with a sober tone. “We should start looking for some quick work so we can get paid so we can thus buy some food.”

“That’s right. We can’t plan to rescue the future of the schools on an empty stomach.”

And with that, the two masters of Indiscriminate Grappling sauntered out into the world, looking for temporary work.

- - -

Kasumi sighed as she finished washing the last of the dishes, another lunch spent alone after her father and Mr. Saotome had embarked on their quest to fix things. Normally, she’d be concerned with them making things worse, but she really hoped they could do something to get things back to how they were. It had only been a couple days, but it felt like an eternity had passed since Akane threw Ranma to the proverbial curb.

But that wasn’t really what she concerned herself about, oh not one bit. It had been when Akane had spoken out against both of her older sisters and their supposed meddling in her affairs. A tremor shook through her body and Kasumi clenched her hands into fists as she remembered the hatred and bile her beloved little sister had spewed forth.

That she had been right on the nose with everything she had said only made it worse.

Not pinpoint accuracy mind you, but more throwing a boulder in the general direction of the problem. Kasumi sighed again, wishing she could have had the courage to correct her erstwhile sister. Maybe Akane could have admitted she was wrong about Ranma too, but more importantly, wrong about what she had said.

“I do care,” she whispered to herself, and in the stillness of the house, she could almost believe it.

Yet, those words and accusations still stung, the wounds running deep into her proverbial core. The apparent ring of truth to them only caused more of a quandary in the eldest Tendo sister, one she couldn’t quash with a flick of the wrist. Had she really been so blind to her sister’s suffering, so dismissive of her feelings that she had caused this rift?

“I’m home.” Nabiki’s voice wafted through the house, interrupting her older sister’s downward spiral.

“Welcome home!” Kasumi called, trying to put enough warmth into her words. “I thought you had cram school today.”

“I didn’t feel like going, plus I’m already far enough ahead that I don’t need to go everyday,” Nabiki explained, entering the kitchen with a slightly cautious step. “Akane isn’t home is she?”

“No, she’s out with Shampoo,” Kasumi replied, veiling her disapproving tone with one of concern.

“Good, I don’t feel like seeing her today,” Nabiki said with equal measures of relief and disgust. The less she had to see of her, after the last few days the better. While Akane’s words didn’t weigh as heavily on the middle sister, her attitude and actions since–with taking back all of the clothes the middle Tendo sister borrowed being the very least of the offenses–left her with an anger as raw as Kasumi's ineffectual self-loathing.

“You shouldn’t say that.” Kasumi said out of habit mostly, which was why she looked away when Nabiki snapped a glare at her,

“Saying what one is not supposed is all the rage these days,” Nabiki spat, setting her satchel on the table. “Has Daddy come back yet?”

“No.”

“Even better.” Nabiki let out a sigh and decided to raid the fridge for a snack.

“Do... do you think things will ever be the way they were?” Kasumi didn’t mean to sound so small, but everything was so foreign to her she just couldn’t bear the idea that this was the way things were going to be.

“Akane's done a bang up job of making sure it won't.” Nabiki had witnessed Akane's determination yesterday morning, an unpleasant and primal scene to say the least. “Maybe it’s for the best it turned out this way.”

“How can you say that?” Kasumi snapped, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

“Because Ranma will finally have to man up!” Nabiki shouted, slamming the refrigerator door sans snack. “Nothing was getting solved before but now there’s a chance things can finally be settled.”

“But what if he can’t do it?”

“Who fucking cares?” Nabiki looked at Kasumi as if she grew an extra head. “Either they all kiss and make up or they fucking don’t. Sitting there worrying about pointless shit is why Akane chewed you out in the first place.”

“But she really did like him!” Kasumi didn’t seem to have heard what Nabiki had said. “I couldn’t have been wrong; all the same signs were there like with Dr. Tofu!”

“And she sure ended up with him, didn’t she Cupid?” Nabiki snarked, deciding if Kasumi wanted to be what she took her rage out on then so be it.

“That...” Kasumi lost her bluster and looked at the floor again.

“Quit being stupid about what Akane said.” Nabiki turned away from her sister, reigning in the impulse to shout at her further. “Whether she was right or wrong doesn’t even matter. This is about respect.”

“Are you that scared of her?” Kasumi recalled the rather grim threat Akane had leveled towards Nabiki.

“Not as much as you’re scared she’s right.”

A moment of silence passed and Kasumi knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was what was eating her up so much.

“But what do we do?” Kasumi asked quietly, wishing for answers to all of this.

“Make her admit she was wrong in how she handled it,” Nabiki said, her tone tipping off exactly what she was actually referring to. “I don’t care if Ranma comes back, and outside of a pity fuck, neither do you.”

Kasumi turned red. “Nabiki! I-I don’t like him like that.”

“You’ve thought about it.” Nabiki turned and stared Kasumi in the eye.

“That... yes... I have...” In that briefest moment before Ranma last left the house, Kasumi almost crossed the line Akane drew on the sand.

“I did too, for probably all of a half-second.” Nabiki's snark-laced admission surprised Kasumi, but such honesty actually helped to mend the pain she felt. Not a worldly lot, but some. “But that's that. We're honestly better off without him and the Panda eating our food, wrecking our house, or generally lowering the property value by just hanging around. Akane just needs to stop acting like this is her party and she can step on whomever she wants”

At that, Kasumi offered a quiet nod assent.

Nabiki blew out another sigh. “Think you could whip me something up right quick? I could use something to eat.”

“Heh... okay.” Kasumi wiped the remnants of tears from her eyes and decided to fall back into her standard role.

“I’ll be upstairs then.” Nabiki turned and exited the kitchen. Once she was out of sight, she collapsed against the wall and took a steadying breath. “That’s right, who needs Ranma anyways?”

None of the Tendo sisters did, but driving him away once Akane admitted she really did care about him would be a nice bit of payback for that verbal thrashing.

“Don’t blame me Akane... you brought this on yourself.”

- - -

“So,” Akane began as she looked to her side at Ukyo. ”How bad was Ranma?”

“Par of the course for him at the start,” Ukyo said, looking towards the sky as she and Akane walked down the sidewalk towards the heart of Nerima. It was clear and sunny, just how it should be for their date. “But he lost it when I didn’t start ripping my clothes off in deference to his eminent sexiness.”

“That sounds just like him.” Ranma did always take slights to his skills worse than slights to his person. “It doesn’t surprise me that he can’t handle himself now that we’re gone.”

“He’s so out of it, he was working with Mousse of all people,” Ukyo said with a slight laugh. “Must have been Mousse’s idea to try and equate his scenario with us and ours with the pursuers we had picked up.”

“He said that?” Akane wanted to have expected something so silly from Ranma, but the idea that their situations were like his was preposterous.

“He did, even kept a straight face too.” Ukyo had to give that to her ex-fiance, he was able to say some patently stupid shit without losing control of himself.

“Pathetic.” Akane couldn’t bring herself to say more than that.

“Yeah.”

A nice silence lapsed over them as they walked down the street, putting further distance from Ucchan’s.

“You have anywhere in mind for this date?” Ukyo asked, after a couple seconds of extended silence. They couldn’t exactly dump on Ranma all the time, even if they did want to.

“I had a few things in mind,” Akane said with a smile. “Someplace fun first, then some dinner, and then a nice walk through the park after.”

“Dinner and dancing, then?” Ukyo asked. It was spur of the moment after all.

“Yes but without the dancing...” Akane smiled reassuringly. “I'm not exactly the best dancer.”

Ukyo coughed a little and turned to cover her blush. Ah, she is so cute when she smiles... “Well that's okay, I’ve never danced so I’m probably no good too.”

“Well that won't be a problem unless someone challenges you to DDR where we're going, there’s an arcade a block or two from here,” Akane said cheerfully.

“I didn’t take you for a gamer, Akane-chan,” Ukyo said, giggling a little at the mental picture that brought up.

“I’m not, I just like to let off some steam once in awhile,” Akane replied with a humored look.

“Punching machines?”

“Nah, they stopped ordering those after I broke the fifth one. Fighting games help, but I’m more partial to the old school beat-em-up genre.”

“A bit of catharsis after school?’

“Oh yes, very much so. It's more fun than breaking bricks, too.”

The two trailed off as they stopped outside the Young Kings Arcade, a modest place with a modest selection of games. It wasn’t the best arcade by any stretch, but it did its job with a workman-like charm. By Akane’s measure, it was a sanctuary where she could escape from the maelstrom of bullshit that was her school life.

“What a nice little place,” Ukyo said. It was no hyperbole, the arcade could be charitably called a large hole in the wall.

“It’s what kept me sane before Ranma showed up,” Akane said, a small feeling of nostalgia washing over her. “It’s been awhile since I came here to relax.”

“Well, you can show me around and then... show me your moves,” Ukyo said, wrapping a friendly arm behind Akane’s shoulder.

“Yes!” Akane replied, doing her best mimic of Captain Falcon’s voice.

The pair stepped into the arcade, finding it sparsely populated by a variety of people.

“Ah, Akane-chan!” Came the voice of an old man, the owner of this place as he shuffled to greet his favorite customer. “It’s been too long.”

“It has and I’m sorry for it.” Akane gestured to Ukyo with her head. “This is my friend, Ukyo. I wanted to show her one of my favorite places.”

“Welcome indeed, a friend of Akane-chan is a friend of mine,” the old man said, bowing his head. “I hope you enjoy your time here.”

“Thanks uh...”

“Hashimoto, that is all you need to refer to me as,” Hashimoto replied, nodding his head a little. “Now I won’t keep you from your games...” He very swiftly shuffled away, humming a happy little tune.

“So...” Ukyo said, looking at Akane who just laughed.

“If we come by a couple more times, you’ll get used to him.” Akane said, before grabbing Ukyo’s arm. “Come on, I want to see if my corner is still here...”

- - -

“Shampoo may have bit of more than can chew,” The ex-Amazon whispered to herself as she moved to put the open sign back outside. “But Shampoo is friend, so friend is having to do favors now and then.” Plus she had leverage for getting time off for personal issues if it came down to it, so it was a win for her in the long run.

That’s what she signed up for when she took this job, and just what she asked for when she became their friend. Shampoo hurried to make sure everything was set for the incoming people, it wouldn’t do to hurt business so soon after being entrusted with the place. Soup was simmering, ramen was ready to drop, batter was mixed, griddle was running hot.

Now all that was needed was customers...

Luck was on her side, as it was only 2 minutes after reopening that she had gotten her first wave of customers.

“Nihao! Is Shampoo by self today, please understand if slow,” Shampoo said to the first couple customers, flashing her winning smile and melting more than a few brains... figuratively speaking of course.

“Ah, that’s okay.” Said the first guy in line, scratching the back of his neck.

“What is you having?”

“Pork ramen please with hot sour soup.”

“Shrimp okonomiyaki with extra spring onions!”

“Your phone number!”

The two men turned to their friend.

“Worth a shot. Just give me some pork ramen too, just regular broth please.”

“Shampoo happy to serve!” she cried, springing into action with her usual spunk.

And so things settled into a routine, Shampoo getting orders and whipping them up with speed, people paying and enjoying their food. The chatter was brisk but friendly, leaving the distinct impression that Ukyo being gone did not mean losing out on that homey charm they had come to love. But as usual, the good times had to come crashing to a halt just when it was getting to feel like today wasn’t going to suck a lot of ass.

“Yes, is having order?” Shampoo asked, feeling a vague sense of familiarity with the two girls staring a hole through her.

“Ah, n-no, not really.” Yuka was trying to keep her cool. “We just wanted to talk to Ukyo.”

“Can talk Shampoo. Is having ears, can listen very well.” Shampoo retorted, eying Sayuri when she giggled a little too loud. “Is that problem?”

“Not at all, not at all!” Sayuri squeaked, hiding behind Yuka.

“It’s kinda something for Ukyo specifically.” Yuka said, ignoring her friend.

“About job?”

“About Akane.”

There was a long, pregnant pause as Shampoo finally put names to the faces.

“Ah, you is Tomboy friends, Stupid Girl 1 and Stupid Girl 2.” Shampoo sighed, wondering just how Akane's ex-friends intended to ruin her mood and day.

“Hey we’re not stupid!” Sayuri said, shrinking back behind Yuka when Shampoo turned a look upon her.

“Is too, too bad, Spatula Girl is out,” Shampoo said, shrugging a little.

“Well we’ll wait here-” Yuka started, only to be cut off by Shampoo.

“Spatula Girl be out all day, maybe all night. Is out with Tomboy. On date, yes?”

Sayuri squeaked a little at that, Yuka’s jaw fell free.

“She's not seriously...” Yuka trailed off.

“Not seriously what? Tomboy is what Tomboy say, Shampoo certainly know that.”

“I thought she was just mad when she said... that.”

Shampoo set her jaw at that insidious insinuation. “You is thinking lots of things, and none is too, too smart,” she said, tone dripping with slight venom.

“But she's really not!” Sayuri cried, tears beginning to form around the edge of eyes. “Akane and Ranma have fights all the time but-”

“Now they is having fights none of time, better yes?” Shampoo interrupted.

Sayuri wasn't beating that logic but damn if she didn't give it the college try. “Akane fought with him, yeah, but she never left him before because even though he screwed up a lot of times... s-she knew there was a better person under there! We all know there is, you know there is!”

“Yes, Shampoo know,” Shampoo replied.

“Then why-?”

“You is not knowing. Shampoo chase Ranma long time, read him like easy book, yes?” Shampoo sighed a little, absent mindedly cleaning the griddle. “Shampoo see times Ranma is good, good person, even to Shampoo, but Ranma is also bad, bad person. Ranma is thinking Ranma is not responsible for bad, bad things Ranma is always doing.”

“You're not really any better!” Sayuri shot back.

Shampoo sniffed. “Shampoo was having good, good reason to chase Ranma forever and marry–Shampoo can no go home ever again if Ranma not marry. Shampoo chase Ranma with everything Shampoo was having, because Shampoo wanted to be at home with Shampoo village and family. If you was in same bad, bad problem, would Stupid Girls be nice?”

“So why did you just quit, then?”

“Even if Tomboy or Spatula Girl not in way, Ranma no marry Shampoo, Ranma was thinking Shampoo just cute, cute girl who feed and give attentions to Ranma. Now Shampoo wish Ranma was real girl, so Shampoo could kill and go home.” And take Akane and Ukyo with her, they'd be perfect for the village and well-received if she had any say.

“But,” Sayuri said, looking down anywhere but directly at her, “Didn’t you love him?”

“Shampoo love village, and family, and all things Shampoo can no go back to ever,” Shampoo replied with a slightly sad tone. “Ranma is big, big obstacle to going back to place where Shampoo is wanted and loved, but even when being too, too nice, Ranma never marry Shampoo.”

Sayuri said nothing, simply becoming silent and wishing to disappear into the floor. Finding her sufficiently cowed, the ex-Amazon looked to Yuka as she began preparing ingredients. “Spatula Girl closer with Ranma than Shampoo, and Ranma was never giving love to Spatula Girl either. Tomboy always hated Ranma, but always try, yes? She is too, too nice but explode too, too easy, and Ranma always throw fuel on fire when Tomboy just want love. Ranma no love anyone but Ranma, is only person Ranma ever have anything nice to say about.”

In the face of Shampoo's viewpoint, Yuka tried to pull a card from up her sleeve. “Did it ever occur that maybe he thinks you all are crazy so he wants to keep away from you emotionally? Maybe if you looked at it from his point of view, you'd figure out how to get him to love you all back.”

Shampoo plucked the figurative card from Yuka's hand and crushed it in front of her in all of her haughty, if suppressed, fury. “Ranma no want that, Ranma is just wanting things back to normal, where Ranma is happy.”

“Then why don't you all get together and make him happy?! You're all friends now, can't you share him or something?!” Yuka asked in her exasperation. “You'd be able to go back home, and Akane and Ukyo would have a guy who loves them, and Ranma would have three girls who all love him!”

Shampoo laughed gaily at that. “No.”

“And why not?”

“Tomboy and Spatula Girl is gay.”

“And Ranma turns into a girl!”

“Ranma is man even when girl.”

“What difference does that make, he still has the parts they'd like!”

Shampoo rolled her eyes at that. “You is really being number 1 stupid girl.”

Yuka wanted to scream in frustration, but was interrupted by someone throwing a wadded napkin at her head.

“You quit badgering the chef you stupid cow and get out of here so we can order!” a customer in a line now going out the door yelled. Several other voices joined in shouting angrily at the pair.

Shampoo took a deep breath, releasing her anger “Shampoo is suggesting you leave. As no Shampoo place to say can no ever come back, you may return. But Shampoo is warning, if you is coming back to be stupid, you is being thrown out like trash.”

“But-”

“Is line forming behind you, you is not ordering food so you is to be leaving.”

Yuka turned to Sayuri for support but found her friend had already fled.

“You coward!” Yuka swore as she turned and ran from the restaurant.

“Shampoo is sorry for make scene,” Shampoo said, apologizing to the crowd.

“It’s okay.” This came from the girl who had been standing behind the twosome from before. “Honestly, I’d probably have hit them myself.”

“You’re okay Shampoo-san,” another of the customers called out. “I’m glad you managed to survive the closure of the Cat Cafe!”

“Aiyah, thank you!” Shampoo bowed her head, before raising it again. “No can give free food, but hope to make too, too delicious food for all.”

A bit of cheering broke out, showing nigh universal approval of that idea.

- - -

“KO!” came the call from the arcade machine as Akane won her 14th straight match against the other patrons.

“Wow, you haven’t lost a beat,” the defeated young man said, leaving behind the 4 token bet as was tradition.

“When you said you used to play, I didn’t think you’d be this good,” Ukyo admitted, having watched Akane win seven straight matches without losing a round.

“It’s because I’m ‘clumsy’ right?” Akane asked, drawing a nod from Ukyo. “Well grace and feminine stuff has always been a problem for me, but since this isn’t exactly considered feminine by most...”

“... Oh!” Ukyo gasped, as she realized just how much that would hurt Akane’s self-image. “Sorry, I just-”

“No, it’s okay,” Akane said with a smile as she beckoned her next challenger on. “I know you didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“Well if you’re okay with things being like that then so am I.” Ukyo said, looking at the game. Capcom vs. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World wasn’t the most popular game in Japan, but it had its followers due to the wide cast available and quirky humor given to the specials and supers. “I never knew a game like this existed.”

“Not many people do, it was something Capcom did on a whim for a quick fistful of cash.” Akane said, diverting her focus just a tad as the person who challenged her was less than bad. “There’s a push on both sides of the ocean for it to be featured at EVO.”

Ukyo had seen the poster near the machine, hoping people could help push this game to EVO. “So what’s that?”

“Big fighting game tournament, beyond old cabinets like these and more towards home consoles with fightpads modeled after the arcade stick.” Akane finished the round with a perfect, enjoying the end cutscene. “Hashimoto-san likes the game a lot, so he’s always stumping for it.”

And that’d explain the poster. “So what about you?”

“It’s a fun little mix between the hardcore combo fests where you exploit one or two things for one-combo kills and schlocky casual fighters that rely more on character charm and story,” Akane said, shrugging her shoulders as she closed out her 15th victory in a row. “It’s a nice game that doesn’t take itself too seriously while being challenging enough not to bore me.”

“Sounds like fun,” Ukyo said, watching Akane beat the living daylights out of her next opponent. “You’ll have to teach me how to play sometime.”

“Oh I will,” Akane said with a slightly evil tone. “If only so I can lord my superiority over you.”

“You better hope I don’t turn out to be some prodigy at games then.”

“If you do, then I'll just make you my meal-ticket to EVO.” Having boxed her opponent into a corner, Akane proceeded to crush him into the ground with what Ukyo found to be a very creative use of drum sticks and pure unrelenting hatred of everyone (including you).

“Oh man, you really are the real deal!” her opponent said in graceful defeat. “You’re going to be around more, right?”

Akane smiled. “Sure will.”

As the opponent left after handing her his four token fee, Akane offered them to Ukyo. “Come on, give it a try. We can play tag against the computer so you can give it a try.”

Ukyo smiled. “All right, but if I get a higher score than you, don’t be mad.”

“In the unlikely event it happens, I won’t.”

And just like that, the good times were interrupted.

“At last, I have found you Akane Tendo!” came the bombastic voice of Tatewaki Kuno, age 17. “I have searched everywhere for you, fearing you had been banished by the foul Saotome!”

“A new challenger appears eh?” Ukyo joked, watching as the Kendoist strutted towards Akane.

“Not now Kuno,” Akane said, with a slight bit of warning. “I’m trying to trip a flag.”

Ukyo couldn’t help a small blush at that.

“But my love-” Kuno started, only for Ukyo to step forward and grab him by the front of his gi.

“She said not now, buster.” Ukyo said, bodily pushing him away.

“And who are you churl?” Kuno demanded once he had been realized.

“Ukyo Kuonji and Akane’s with me.”

Recognition dawned. “The gourmet who parlays with Saotome,” Kuno said.

“I think you mean parley.”

Kuno stared. “I am confused, you are a woman?”

Ukyo looked down at her more feminine attire, a short blue dress with her usual black leggings rather than the kimono she normally wore. She looked back up at Kuno. “I’m very much a woman, yes.”

“I see, until this moment I was under the impression you were an effeminate eunuch!”

Ukyo cocked back to punch Kuno, but Akane grabbed her arm and shook her head. “Please don’t, I’d rather not have him put through a wall here.”

At that, Ukyo relented.

“But as you are but another helpless maiden underneath Saotome’s sway, I would not be adverse to welcoming you to my arms as well.”

Akane had to hold Ukyo back with most of her might. “Down, girl!” She looked to her accoster. “Kuno, go away.”

“Please, allow me to make my case! I feel that you must hear what I have to say, it may very well spare you the shame and humiliation of your curse!”

Akane held firm against Ukyo, but gave Kuno a blank look. “My curse?”

“Yes, the unspeakable curse cast upon you by Saotome for daring to defy him.”

“The curse of happiness?” Akane asked.

Ukyo calmed down. “Oh no, however will you be able to live with it?”

“I mean your unnatural hatred for men.”

Akane let Ukyo go, but sadly her rage had been completely averted. “I’m pretty sure that’s your fault.”

“Yes, I was not there to protect you from his wrath, but that is different! Come, Akane, fall into my embrace so I may acquaint you with the firm, loving touch of a man!”

Akane rolled her eyes. “Kuno, I’m a les-”

“Don’t say such lies, I know that is not you speaking!” Kuno interjected. “Akane, you are a fair maiden of unspoilt purity and grace. Such a warm, tender soul as yours can only be intertwined with the passionate, virile soul of a man!”

Ukyo was less angry and more completely exasperated, almost on the verge of actually laughing. Akane too was remaining cool towards Kuno. “But I don’t want to be intertwined with a man, especially you.”

Kuno pulled a grimace. “Clearly it is because you have not seen the true beauty of masculinity.”

“I don’t know, most of the men I know pride themselves of being paragons of men, yourself included,” Akane pointed out.

At that, Kuno let out a wry chuckle, and a gleam appeared in his eyes. “Oh my beloved... only out of concern for your chastity, have I restrained my awe-inspiring virility. Now, under these extraordinary circumstances, I must unleash the full weight of my manliness!”

Before Akane or Ukyo could say another word, Kuno grabbed his clothes and literally flung them off, leaving his impressively built body clad only in a fundoshi. As both girls stared, wide-eyed, Kuno immediately flexed his muscles in a bodybuilder's pose.

“Akane, Kuonji look at this body! This magnificent body! This beautiful, perfect body! I work out!” He moved into another pose. “This sculpted, hard physique, begging for your soft touch!”

Ukyo looked to the side with a hand over her mouth. Akane couldn’t tell if she was laughing, dry-heaving, or both.

“This is what a real man is, Akane! This is what a woman must lust for upon sight, even if she dallies with softer flesh! Man and Woman, connected in mind, body, and soul! These are the rules of nature!”

Kuno closed his eyes and held up a microphone. “So come, away with me, and I will show you a world of unyielding pleasure that only a man can deliver a woman! You may bring along Kuonji as I have more than enough virility to spare for her, and the Pigtailed Girl as well!”

He opened his eyes as he performed a pelvic thrust in Akane’s direction, only to find not Akane but Hashimoto, a couple of police officers, and every other patron of the arcade glaring at him. Akane and Ukyo were most certainly not among them. “Ah? Where did-?”

“Get that pervert out of my arcade!” Hashimoto demanded.

The two officers were the first to set upon Kuno with tasers and nightsticks, followed by the arcade patrons furious that this pervert had driven out the two cute girls that had come to visit.

- - -

Ukyo was still trying to catch her breath, from laughing far too hard at what she and Akane had been subjected to. Akane herself was still amazed that she hadn’t simply hauled off on him, but rationalized the whole thing was so utterly sad that any harm she could do would only be a service to a man unable to escape his delusions.

“He... he actually had ‘Manly Man’ tattooed across his chest!” Ukyo held onto Akane as she tried to remain standing.

“I think that was permanent marker,” Akane pointed out.

Ukyo stopped for a moment, and then laughed even harder.

“I’m glad you thought it was funny, he completely ruined the arcade part of the date,” Akane said with a pout.

“Yeah, if it wasn’t a place you liked so much though we could’ve gotten rid of him quick.”

“Even if we weren’t there...”

Ukyo raised an eyebrow. “Akane?”

“... Hitting them has never worked as well as just walking away from it does. When Ranma burst in on me and Shampoo and freaked out, I could’ve hit him, but that’s normal to him, and Kuno, and all of these dumb boys.”

“It can’t be this easy though, can it?”

Akane shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I’m being optimistic, or all the fun I’ve been having with Shampoo has made me pretty confident enough to think I don’t need to deal with them.” A blush of embarrassment colored Akane’s face. “Ah... I didn’t mean to say it like that...”

Ukyo’s eyebrows rose in amazement, before she smirked teasingly. “If that’s what works for you Sugar... but you really shouldn’t talk about other girls while on a date with one.” When Akane suddenly slid her arm around her waist and pulled her close, Ukyo’s gaze met Akane’s for a brief second before the flush of emotions that came over her turned her away. Ah...

With a smile Akane pressed herself more intimately against Ukyo, and brought her lips close enough to the okonomiyaki chef’s ear to just barely brush against it as she whispered huskily, “I’m sorry, I won’t think of anyone else but Ukyo-chan from now on.”

Ukyo’s face turned completely red as a spike of warmth seemed to transfer from Akane straight into her heart.

“So!” Akane said, pulling back with a hum. “I know a nice little place not too far from here. Daddy used to treat my sisters and me to it a few times.”

“I-I see,” Ukyo said, taking a few breaths to get herself under control again. “So what’s it serve?”

“Little of this, little of that. It starts at curry and branches out into all things fried.” Akane gave a little shrug. “It’s a very different place, but the food is exceptional.”

“Sounds like fun,” Ukyo said, stretching a little. “I haven’t had a real chance to actually try Tokyo food before now.”

“This will be a good first time then.” Akane said, looking at their surroundings. “Come on, it’s over this way.” She took hold of Ukyo’s hand and took a sharp left at the next corner. Ukyo allowed herself to be led, damning herself and the bright blush that refused to leave her face.

- - -

The Fat Pig was not what you would call a classy joint, in fact, it looked downright shitty from outside. But that was part of its unique charm, an oddball place where you could find kids eating sundaes next to hard boiled men downing shots of sake after a long day at work. It with a foreboding sense of mockery, as if the place just hated everyone who lived.

Ukyo stared at the profanity laden specials on the signboard outside, as well as the broken neon pig sign. She turned a questioning glance to Akane who shrugged a little sheepishly.

“It’s got really good food,” Akane said, before laying an arm over Ukyo’s shoulders. “Trust me, okay?”

“I believe you! I just didn’t think you’d like a place so... bad looking.” Ukyo had thought Akane had a thing for cute things but this place was uglier than Kuno in a fundoshi.

“The food is really good,” Akane explained, pointing towards the semi-packed house. “But the hospitality is as bad as their food is good, so don’t be offended okay?”

“You’re asking me to not be offended, with your temper?”

“This place is nothing like dealing with Ranma,” Akane replied defensively as they walked in, where upon the owner made his usual greetings.

“Well, well, what have we here after so long! If it isn’t the strong-armed Tendo bitch,” he said to Akane, before turning and bowing his head to Ukyo. “And who’s your boyfriend this time?!”

Ukyo kind of gaped at the rudely smiling man, just before Akane shot back, “Why haven’t you died yet, you drunken pig fucker?”

“‘Eeeeeeeeeeeey!” came the call from the owner and rest of the working staff, showing Akane had past the first test.

Ukyo was stunned. “The food must be really good.”

“The staff treats everyone like this, and they expect it in turn,” Akane explained as she led her date over to an empty table. “If you’re nice to them, they’ll just think you’re trying to be better than them so your food will be cold and you’ll have to guess how many of them didn’t spit in it.”

“Coming here the first time must’ve been something then, huh?” Ukyo teased.

“I got mad and punched the owner. He just laughed it off and gave me a sundae afterward.”

Ukyo got it. “Oh, so they’re mean to everybody but in their own weird way they’re actually nice about it if you hit back at them. So it’s nothing like Ranma at all.”

“Exactly, they treat you like garbage while you feast like a king. That’s part of the charm, like the cute girls at other restaurants I go to.” She gave Ukyo a wry look at that.

Ukyo’s face warmed again. “You know, you’re really good at this.”

“At what?” Akane asked innocently.

Ukyo’s next laugh was less stifled. “You know exactly what.” She looked at the menu and stifled a laugh at a very lewd joke right in the middle. “So how’s the food?”

“They placed on the Zagat survey each of the last four years with high marks for a ‘unique experience you have to try once before you die’.”

Ukyo looked down into the menu again and tried to make sense of that high praise with dishes that seemed more interested in making fun of the eater or trying to get them to say something rude out loud. “Really?”

“It’s better than Kasumi’s.” She gave Ukyo that warm, slightly lustful look again that got the chef’s heart racing. “Though it’s not as good as yours.”

“Ah, you’re incorrigible Sugar.” Ukyo had just stopped blushing and now she was redder than a sailor after happy hour.

“I know.” Akane smiled wanly, having already picked her order before they even got here.

“So what do you recommend for a newbie?” Ukyo said, trying to make a choice, but all the jokes and insults were making it hard.

“Pick your favorite meat and get dishes that feature it.” Akane said, having closed her menu after she had sufficiently faked scanning it.

“Beef is always good,” Ukyo said with a curt nod, looking over the myriad selections for all things cow. “I think I got something.”

“Oh, which one?” Akane asked before Ukyo grew wide-eyed at what she was reading.

“Hayashi rice with an extra helping of jizz,” Ukyo said flatly.

“That means it comes spicy,” Akane explained. “Cock sauce? Sriracha? The stuff with the male chicken on the bottle?”

“You and I both know Ranma’s never been on a bottle of anything.” Ukyo smirked.

“That was terrible,” Akane lightly scolded with a laugh.

“Man, that’s so crude, but so clever.”

“That’s right. Most of the jokes are just for the opportunity to mock someone further.” Akane said, holding up her hand. “Don’t worry about not saying the joke aloud, they’re usually fine with you ordering normally.”

“Nah, I want to get the whole experience, what’s the point of dining at a place like this if you don’t?” Ukyo asked. It was obvious that this place was important to Akane, just like the arcade was, so she was going to make the most of it.

“Are you sluts going to just sit there all day fingering each other or are you going to order?” Both girls looked over to find their server, a young woman rudely chewing a piece of gum for maximum “I don’t give a shit about you” effect. Very nice.

“Watch your mouth with me, wage slave. Beef curry with an order of tonkatsu.”

“Just for that I’m going to tell the cook to jerk off all over it,” the server asked.

Akane shrugged. “I don’t care, I’m hungry.”

The server wrote down the order and looked to Ukyo. “What about you, Osaka?”

“Hayashi rice, and watch your mouth around me, you piece of shit.” Ukyo nailed it on the first try, given the smile from the server.

“Huh, this bitch has an attitude.” She looked to Akane. “Keep her on a leash before I spank her.”

“You wish you could,” Akane retorted. “We both want green tea to go with it, be sure to write it down slowly so you don’t screw up, bimbo.”

“Whatever, cunt.” The server wrote down the order and made a rude gesture as she walked away.

Ukyo was already in love with this place. “That was fun! Why didn’t you tell me you went to a place like this?”

“Because we haven’t been to a place like this since Ranma showed up. Can you imagine me bringing Ranma here, when you know how he gets about people insulting him?” Akane asked.

Ukyo cringed at that. “Yeah... he’d try to get them to show him some respect...”

Akane nodded. “And it would cause a huge fight...”

“And the restaurant would be destroyed.” Ukyo hummed. “There must be a lot of places you couldn’t take Ranma after you met him.”

“You have no idea...” Akane said before she noticed movement towards her out the corner of her eye. Dread immediately painted her features, and before Ukyo could ask what it was...

“AKANE-KUN!” Genma bellowed in greeting, being followed closely by the still hungover, though less hilariously so, Soun. “Why haven’t you-”

Akane promptly jumped up and punched Genma in the face, stopping him dead in his tracks. Everyone in the restaurant stopped what they were doing and stared at the sudden and (not at all) surprising act of violence.

“Akane-chan?” Ukyo asked as Akane drew her fist back and sat down.

“What was that for?!” Genma bellowed at her much like he did Ranma.

“Because I want you to leave me alone.” While Akane had seen the futility in beating up on Ranma and Kuno, frankly she hadn’t beaten up on Genma enough, and knowing what they were probably here for, she was going to be laying hands on her father before dinner was even served, to boot.

Genma loomed over her. “If you’re so eager to hit people, then you need to get back together with Ranma!”

Akane punched him in the face again. “No!”

The staff and guests of the Fat Pig didn’t expect such high quality entertainment like a domestic dispute to take place right at the height of the dinner rush, and sat back to watch in amusement.

As Genma rolled around on the floor, clutching his face, Soun stepped up. “Akane, be reasonable! Think about what’s at stake here! Our schools, our family’s honor!”

Akane pantomimed contemplation with a loud, exaggerated hum, and then looked her Father in the eyes with a glare slightly cooler than lava. “No.”

Soun immediately went into his demonic persona, attempting to intimidate Akane much in the same way he would Ranma. “AKANE! YOU WILL OBEY YOUR FATHER OR-”

Ukyo hit him over his demonic head with a chair, and their impromptu audience broke into applause. “You’re lucky I didn’t bring my spatula with me, bastard!”

Akane clapped her hands together and gasped in joy. “Ucchan!”

Sitting back down, Ukyo huffed and rested an elbow on the table. “Can you believe the nerve? We haven’t even gotten our food yet...”

Rubbing his head, Soun sat up and looked to Genma. “Saotome, she’s as stubborn as ever...”

Genma narrowed his eyes as he clutched his nose. “No, let’s not resort to that just yet...”

“That?” Ukyo asked.

Akane grimaced. Looked like these two knuckleheads had an idea.

Genma stood up, not ready to resort to whatever that was. Snorting through his nose to make sure it and much of his face wasn’t shattered, he immediately put on a no-nonsense air. “Akane! You are a martial artist, and a student of the School of Indiscriminate Grappling! It is your duty, no, it is your privilege to represent your school and ensure its future! Without you, your Father’s school has no legacy, it will cease to be! It will be no more! The horrible fate of extinction rests entirely upon you for your apathy-”

“Antipathy,” Akane corrected as she got up from her chair.

“Antipathy, yes thank you,” Genma replied before continuing, “Therefore you must–wait, what do you mean by ‘antipathy’?”

Akane kicked Genma in the groin with such force that every male within five hundred meters regardless of species had sympathetic pains in their reproductive organs.

“YOU THINK I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE SCHOOL ANYMORE?!” Akane roared at the two men, displaying her own demonic attributes.

Genma was actually vomiting from the pain, while Soun was frozen in abject horror. The rest of the restaurant was laughing hysterically, even the male guests shaking off the phantom pain.

“Saotome, she’s not going to listen to reason,” Soun whispered to his rival-turned-comrade-turned-whimpering idiot, not being able to take being subjected to his own intimidation technique.

Coughing, Genma nodded slowly. “Y-yes... we have no choice... we will have to use... that technique...”

Akane narrowed her eyes as both men sat up and got to their knees. Mustering his courage, Soun gave Akane a piercing glare. “Akane, you have given us no choice!”

“Yes, for your insolence and dishonor towards the Art, we have been reduced to this! Prepare yourself!” Genma added in a voice several pitches higher than normal.

Akane indeed prepared herself, adopting a defensive stance.

“This is... the Saotome Desperation Technique... the Crouch of the Wild Tiger!” both men declared, evoking the image of a tiger prepared to lunge for the kill.

Ukyo completely lost it, laughing harder than most of the restaurant. Before Akane could even ask why, both her father and Genma threw themselves to her feet, sobbing loudly.

“Please! We’re begging you, get back together with Ranma!” Soun begged.

Howling in shame, Genma was every bit as pathetic. “We’ll do anything, give you anything, just please do this for us!”

Akane’s expression from hellishly enraged to completely blank. “You’ll give me anything?”

Soun reached into his clothes and pulled out even the deed to the Tendo Home and the land it sat on. “I’ll give ownership of the house and dojo to you, right now!”

“We’ll work as many jobs as we can, to keep you financially secure for the rest of your lives! You’d never have to work a day!” Genma offered.

“We’ll even get rid of Master for you, we’ll ship him to Las Vegas, or Amsterdam, or Serbia! You’ll never see him again!”

“S-Serbia?” Akane asked in bewilderment.

Ukyo was worried she might die laughing at this point.

So was everyone else in the restaurant.

“Name your price, and it’s yours! Please Akane, what would we have to give you to get you back together with him?!” Soun asked.

Well this was an unexpected turn. Up until now, everyone had been trying to either guilt or browbeat her into getting back together with Ranma, but now she was actually being offered something for her suffering. It wasn’t some small thing either, these idiots were ready to start up a space program to get her the Sun, Moon, and stars if she so desired it.

Akane mulled it over for all of three seconds. “There’s nothing you could give me.”

Genma got up. “Is that a challenge?! Because I will go out there right now and-”

“No, there is really nothing in all of creation that’s worth getting back together with Ranma,” Akane clarified.

“But Akane! We’re willing to go out there and kill for you!” Soun declared. “We’ll kill ourselves for you-!”

“Eventually,” Genma quickly added.

Akane rolled her eyes. “God Himself could offer to bring Mom back from the dead, alive and well on this very spot at this exact moment, and I’d still say no.”

Soun kind of balked at that. That... was a lot heavier than he expected. “... Akane...”

“Now you’re just being melodramatic! There’s no way you can hate my fool of a boy that much!” Genma yelled.

“It’d be like marrying Happosai.” Akane wasn’t about to say she’d rather marry the toad, who knew if he was waiting to spring out of nowhere with flowers, an officiant, and witnesses.

Genma gaped in horror and looked around for the old pervert. Seeing no sign, he finally got up and stared pointedly at Akane. “I dare you to look me in the eyes, and tell me that you feel nothing for my son.”

Akane huffed and got up directly in Genma’s face. “I hate him-”

Genma immediately engulfed Akane in a burlap sack and hoisted her over his shoulder. “Quick, Tendo! let’s find the boy and get them to a judge!”

Soun jumped to his feet. “Saotome, if anything you’re a genius on your feet!”

They took two steps for the door when they felt a killing intent that turned their legs to lead and threatened to void their bowels. Stopping in their tracks, they slowly turned back to see Ukyo standing up slowly from her chair, smiling serenely at them.

“Put Akane-chan down, or I will put you down,” she said calmly.
Genma and Soun looked to one another, and then back to Ukyo, before the former said, “You can take her.”

Soun whipped his eyes back to Genma. “Wait, what?!”

Genma was already running for the door.

It turned out Soun couldn’t, as Ukyo hit Genma over the head with Soun before he could even make it over the threshold. When both men and the burlap sack hit the ground, Genma looked over to the already thoroughly pummeled Soun. “Come on! You’re not that out of practice are you, Tendo?!”

Before Soun could answer, both looked to see Akane emerge from the sack, wreathed completely in an aura of anger that left her completely cast in shadow except for wide, red-glowing eyes.

“You...” Akane growled as she raised a tightly clenched fist. “... Idiots...!”

Thirty seconds worth of excessive physical violence later, both Soun and Genma were rocketing into the sky in the direction of Mount Fuji. As a pair of sonic booms echoed over Nerima, Akane lowered her foot and huffed. “I can’t believe they seriously...”

She turned to go back inside the restaurant, and found a standing ovation waiting for her from staff and patrons alike. “Eh?”

“Man they said this place was full of assholes, but I had no idea it was this funny!” a guest within earshot to Akane said to another over the applause.

“Dinner and a show, man! You can’t pay enough for this kind of entertainment!” the other replied.
The owner himself walked over to Akane. “As violent as ever, you little sociopath! Dinner’s on the house for you two!”

Akane blinked. “What, really?”

“Yeah, thanks to you, I don’t have to pay their asses so I can take the hit!” the owner patted Akane on the shoulder and walked off, laughing at the top of his lungs.

Well, that worked out better than she expected. “Huh.”

Ukyo took Akane by the arm. “Our food showed up while you were making your old man punch Ranma’s, come on let’s sit down and eat.”

Akane smiled and sidled close to Ukyo as they walked back to their table. “Thank you, Ucchan.”

“What kind of date would I be if I let the girl I’m with get carried off?”

“A date not getting laid,” Akane purred back.

And there went Ukyo’s composure, replaced by a bright red blush and steam rising from the top of her head. “A-Akane-chan...!”

“Of course, that’d depend on you.” Akane smiled, leaning towards Ukyo and getting oh so close. “However fast or slow you wanted to take it.”

“Ah... I...” Ukyo’s tongue twirled over on itself as she shrunk back looking like she had been burnt by the sun.

“Anyway,” Akane said, sitting back in satisfaction that Ukyo had been shown her gratitude properly. “I’m glad I could take you somewhere I like, even with the interruptions.”

“I’m actually surprised it went so well,” Ukyo said, returning to normal as she picked up her chopsticks and breathed in the delicious aroma from her beef bowl. “Usually we all don’t get to have much fun when we go out on adventures like this.”

Akane smiled back with that before taking a bite of her tonkatsu. “No, and from now on that’s all we’re going to do. Just enjoying ourselves and each other.”

Ukyo paused, chopsticks ready to grab a clump of rice and beef, and smiled. “You know, when you’re in a good mood like this, it’s easy to see why you have so many suitors.”

Akane turned her head down and said, almost too quietly. “... Well, unlike those idiots I want you to see this side of me, so that’s good.”

Ukyo nodded in understanding. Beneath the rage and fury of a tempest, Akane wanted to be loved and appreciated in real, meaningful ways, and Ukyo was thrilled that Akane was opening herself up to her like this. “But you know, you’re makin’ things pretty uneven between us. Maybe I’ll have to take you back home to Osaka, and show you ‘round for real.”

“That’d be wonderful.” Akane raised her head, a wan smile on her face.

“Shoot, prolly bring Shampoo too.”

“That would be fun. We’ll definitely make a day of it sometime.” Akane sipped her tea. “But let’s worry about this date right now, our food’s getting cold!”

- - -

“It exhausting, but fun,” Shampoo said to herself as she put out the closed sign for the shop. The dinner crowd had finally left and Shampoo was looking forward to taking a little bit of time off to rest and count up the money for Ukyo. “Shampoo will do this more often, enjoy challenge very much.”

“And what challenge... is that?” A ghostly voice said from the side, causing the ex-Amazon to look and see Ryoga standing a few feet away.

“Oh it Lost Boy,” Shampoo said with a dismissive sniff. “If want food, is closed. If want Tomboy, she no here.”

“No... I was just passing by.” Ryoga was being perfectly honest for once. Had he not seen Shampoo, he wouldn’t have even stopped.

“If you is saying so,” The ex-Amazon replied, shrugging her shoulders a slight bit. “What is you wanting then?”

“Just to talk...” Ryoga said, breathing in a deep breath as he tried to finally stop feeling so down. “Is Akane... ok?”

“Tomboy fine, has Spatula Girl and Shampoo to support her,” Shampoo said, a wisp of a smirk crossing her face. “Lost Boy should do self favor and just stop feel sorry for self. You is too, too unlucky when it come to Tomboy, but luckier than Ranma, heh heh heh.”

“What do you mean?” Actual life flickered in Ryoga’s voice.

“Tomboy only mad at Lost Boy, but forgive if you is apologize for upsetting her. But Ranma? Tomboy hate Ranma to core.”

“But he turns into a girl...” Ryoga trailed off on purpose, an unpleasant image of Ranma using his girl form to get close to Akane again.

“Girl Ranma still Ranma, Tomboy hate no matter what between Ranma legs.” Shampoo was enjoying Ryoga’s sudden enthusiasm.

“I might not have a shot, but neither does Ranma.” That made him happy, just a little. Ranma would taste the same bitter potion the Lost Boy had to swallow.

“Can be friend, unlike Ranma,” Shampoo added.

Ryoga looked to the sky, a picture of him slightly closer to Akane than Ranma was. It wasn’t exactly perfect, but if Ranma was out of the picture for her entirely, then he could swallow his feelings.

“Is you going say something?” Shampoo asked after he trailed off and started to twitch.

“Sorry, I just realized that I only have to be slightly less depressed than before.” Ryoga smiled a little and shook his head. If Ranma was really out of the picture, then... “No, I can’t think like that. If Akane dislikes me now, it’s because I placed expectations on her like everyone else. I can’t... no, I won’t do that again.”

“Hmph, look at you, acting cool. You want come inside? But be warned, no Shampoo place, so Lost Boy is paying if want food.”

“I think I have some money in my pack.” Ryoga shook his pack and nodded. “Yep, got a little left over.”

“Shampoo hope no want pork.” The ex-Amazon said with a cat-like smirk on her face.

“But I do- oh. You know about that.” Ryoga was embarrassed remembering how Shampoo discovered it, and shame as he was reminded of the big thing he had to tell her.

“Was talking about being out, but yes. Shampoo know Lost Boy's naughty secret.” Shampoo laughed a little at his stunned expression.

“How do I tell her?” Ryoga asked in a bare whisper. “At least in a way so she won't hate me forever.”

“Is simple, say Ranma fault.” Ryoga gave her a dubious look that barely covered his shock.

“I blame him for a lot of things.”

“Ranma is blame for lot of things.”

A moment of silence passed as Ryoga wondered if there was some trick at foot.

“Would it work?” Simplest issue for this, yes? Ryoga didn't think it would at any rate.

“Is have take responsibility for not telling sooner, but Tomboy understand if blame Ranma in right way.” Shampoo said, nodding her head.

“And what way is that?”

“Say you follow Ranma to China because mad at him for being idiot, get knocked in pig spring by Ranma.” The former Amazon figured he was just a little too thick for conscious deception but this was ridiculous.

“That was an accident.”

“Tomboy no need know that.”

“So I just lie to her again?”

“Who is you want her mad at, Ranma or you?”

“Well Ranma, but I don't want to... that is...”

Ryoga turned red with embarrassment and chuckled as he tried to regain his bearing.

“Yes yes, you is still wanting to fuck Tomboy all night long and far into following morning. Very nice.” Shampoo made a dismissive hand gesture with a flat eyed stare.

“I know, that path is closed to me.” Ryoga blew out a sigh and tried to send that perverse image with it. “But can I really be her friend if I lie to her?”

“Is not lying, is not giving answers for questions not asked. Not lie if not asked to tell.”

“Does that work?”

“Sure does, Shampoo father never tell mother her ass look fat in those shorts she wear during summer. If Tomboy no ask, you no tell.”

Ryoga thought about it and nodded.

“You got any beef ready? I'm not in the mood for shrimp.” Ryoga decided that it was better to continue this indoors.

“Might so, if you no mind waiting, can make fresh.” Shampoo smiled and finally led the Lost Boy inside.
- - -

“I think we went a little overboard.” Ukyo patted her stomach as they reached her restaurant close to eleven. She kept her eyes forward lest she be driven to distraction by the way Akane seemed to glow under the streetlight.

“Maybe, but we had to make up for the part that Kuno ruined,” Akane said, looking at Ukyo out of the corner of her eye. It hadn’t been the greatest first date, but it was pretty good in her book.

“I’ll have to apologize to Shampoo for making her mind the place for a bit longer.” Ukyo said, pulling out her key to the place. “Wanna come in for a bit?”

“Sure, plus I’m certain Shampoo will want to regale us with tales of today.” Akane added as Ukyo unlocked and pulled open the door.

“-and so he comes at me with a spoon, like not even one of those big wooden ones you use to stir stews with just something you eat shaved ice with, and I’m dying laughing and... I don’t know maybe you had to be there.” Ryoga said, finishing some story to Shampoo.

“Idiot,” Shampoo said, apparently not caring too much for the person who attacked Ryoga with a spoon.

“Ah, it’s dark already,” Ryoga said, finally taking note of the darkness. They had been chatting so much he forgot entirely. “I better get going, maybe I’ll find Ranma and beat him up a bit.”

“Give him one for Shampoo,” The ex-Amazon said, waving to him as he turned to the door.

“For Ukyo and-” he trailed off as he nearly walked into Akane. “-Akane-san too.”

“What about me?” Akane asked, an edge to her tone.

“Oh, just talking about going and fighting Ranma again.” He miraculously didn’t avert his gaze from her. Now that he was certain he had no shot with her, it was a lot easy to actually look her in the face. “Like I do.”

“Why?”

“Because I hate him. If there’s no way I can be with you like that, then... No.” He laughed a little and closed his eyes, a smile crossing his face. “If I were you, I wouldn’t forgive me either.”

“Ryoga...” Akane said, an image of him sobbing full on flashing her mind. “...that, no. I don’t think it has to go that far.”

“If you’re not going to be a jerk, then Akane’s cool with you,” Ukyo spoke up, having felt the amount of self-depreciation in his voice.

“Yeah, Tomboy hate jerks,” Shampoo added in, shaking her head.

“Then maybe I should focus on learning not to be one.” Ryoga walked past Akane without looking at her again. “‘Til next time then!”

He wove around Ukyo and disappeared out into the night.

“What a face,” Akane said, shaking her head.

“He was smiling though,” Ukyo said.

“Really? To me, all I could see was him sobbing his heart out.” Akane turned to Shampoo. “Sorry we’re late.”

“As long as not ditch Shampoo for love hotel,” Shampoo replied, smirking a little. “Then it fine.”

“Shoot, I knew we forgot something,” Akane said, to which Ukyo turned red at the thought.

“Aiyah, Tomboy make Spatula Girl blush!” Shampoo laughed a little.

“She’s been doing it all night!” Ukyo said with a laugh.

The ex-Amazon grew catty. “Oh? Tomboy is being Playboy?”

Akane crossed the room and rested her arms on the counter in front of Shampoo before giving her a smoky look. “No one’s complained so far.”

Shampoo smirked. “You is going to try to make Shampoo blush with pretty words too?”

“I don’t have to, after what I made you do this morning...” Akane teased back. “... And the night before... and the morning before then...”

A warm flush spread across Shampoo’s face as she recalled exactly what Akane had done.

Ukyo whistled as she came over to stand next to Akane. “She’s practically glowing in the dark!”

Shampoo shifted where she stood as she subtly ground her thighs together. “Mm... you is being a big Playboy.”

Ukyo watched in amazement as Shampoo went from teasing to all but basting in her own juices, and looked to Akane. “Hey, you said you were going to think of no one but me, didn’t you?”

Akane answered by hugging Ukyo to her side, and giving her a deep kiss the Okonomiyaki Chef wasn’t at all prepared for. Startled at first, a low aroused hum soon left Ukyo’s throat as her tongue met Akane’s for several moments. When Akane slowly broke the kiss, Ukyo leaned after her to try to continue it, but relented to catch her soft panting.

She brought the hand holding Ukyo’s waist up to rest on her cheek. “I’m sorry, Ucchan, think I need more practice at this.” She kissed her deeply once more, and this time Ukyo enthusiastically returned it.

“All... is forgiven...” the chef murmured between wet smacks of their lips meeting.

Shampoo looked between the two girls making out in front of her, and marveled at how surreal it was. She had given her approval for Akane to pursue Ukyo, but she hadn’t expected the girl to be so aggressive, nor so sure of herself as she did it. Nor did she expect it to be so thrilling to actually behold.

“Aiyah...” Shampoo meant to sound pouty, but it inadvertently came out as almost needy. “No kiss for Shampoo, Playboy?”

Breaking the kiss with Ukyo again, Akane grabbed the front of Shampoo’s apron and gently pulled her over the counter and into an equally passionate kiss, leaving the other girl to once again try to catch her breath. Watching Akane and Shampoo lock lips with such intensity, however, Ukyo wondered if she’d ever be able to.

After what seemed like forever, Akane disengaged from Shampoo and wiped the bit of drool that was left round her lips after. She then broke into a throaty giggle as she leaned against the counter and looked between the two ex-fiancees of her ex-fiance. “Wow... forgive me for sounding familiar, but I want you both.”

Shampoo crawled onto the counter and embraced Akane from behind, hugging her tightly. “It not sound so bad coming from Playboy,” she murmured into Akane’s neck as she nuzzled her.

Ukyo smiled and hugged Akane as well to give her another brief kiss. “Akane,” she said after, “If there was anyone who deserved to have it all, I think it’s you.”

“Shampoo can agree to that,” The former Amazon purred before she kissed Akane’s neck.

“It doesn’t have to be just me, you know,” Akane said, looking from one to the other. “We’re all in this together... so why not be together?”

Ukyo hummed. “You mean like a threesome?”

Shampoo all but purred now. “Shampoo is liking this too, too much.”

“So I’m going to make it very clear,” Akane said before she hugged Ukyo close with one arm, while her other hand cupped Shampoo’s cheek. “I want to be your girlfriend, and I want you both to be mine.”

Ukyo looked towards Akane’s earnest face for a brief second before she smiled and blew out a sigh. “You didn’t have to say it, you know, you had me when you took me to that amazing restaurant, Akane-chan.”

Akane giggled again. “I thought I had you at that kiss.”

“That just sealed the deal.”

Shampoo smiled wickedly. “Akane was Shampoo new Airen yesterday morning.”

Akane looked at Ukyo, then back at Shampoo before smirking. “What about Ucchan?”

“Yes, what about Ucchan?” Ukyo asked with a pout.

Shampoo slid off the countertop and pulled Ukyo away from Akane in order to give the chef a kiss that would’ve curled her toes had she not been standing on them. Ending it quickly, she kissed the gasping girl’s neck before resting her chin on her shoulder to give Akane a smug look. “Spatula Girl is Shampoo’s Airen too.”

Ukyo chuckled, and then let out a squeak when Shampoo groped her backside through her skirt. “Hee... an exotic foreign girlfriend, I’ve really made it big in the business now!”

“So, we’re all good?” Akane asked.

“Very,” Ukyo agreed.

“Shampoo feel too, too tired all of sudden.” Shampoo said, faking a yawn.

“Then how about we all get some sleep? I happen to have a bed big enough for all of us,” Ukyo suggested, pointing to the ceiling for effect.

Akane smiled. “If it’s big enough for three, I don’t think we’ll be getting much sleep.”

“That not problem for Shampoo,” the ex-Amazon declared as she headed off towards the door to Ukyo’s place, while untying her apron.

Ukyo and Akane looked at each other and then followed Shampoo at a sedate pace. It was going to be a good night, they all felt.

Author note: The game is a foot! Enemies lay themselves in front of our heroines, as allies appear to back them up. But what about that rapscallion Ranma Saotome? Well, there's always next time!