Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Future-Ranma ❯ Not This Again ( Chapter 1 )

What the heck is going on! This girl is Ranma Saotome. Sure she’s beating a battalion of Neo samurai and techno ninjas (the highest grade security officers produced by the Nabiki conglomerate), and she is destroying everything in her path, plus she was offly insulting a moment ago, but Ranma is supposed to be a guy. Her great great grandmother had feelings for this person and she was said to be straight as a post. Though some historians believe "straight as a post" is a reference Ranma made about her figure.

After beating everyone he could find Ranma clothed himself in one of the neo samurais obi’s, then he walked over to a coffee machine and poured some hot water onto his face. Suddenly he transformed into a boy who better fit Akanes description of the legendary baka. However this was too much for the girl and upon seeing it she promptly fainted.

Akane awoke, to find her mother fawning over her with a worried expression.

"Oh mom, I had the most horrible dream. The Nabiki conglomerate brought Ranma back to life and…" Akane paused as she got up and saw that the legendary baka was casually talking to her brother as if he was a normal person.

"So I’m a clone," Ranma asked.

"Replicant actually. You see a clone is made when you use stem cells to fertilize an ovum, but you were made by inducing massive mitosis in adult cells and forming them into a replicated body with nano technology."

"Okay" Ranma responded, trying to fake understanding. "And my memories are…"

"Memories are stored in DNA it just takes the rights nano tech to stimulate there development."

Ken Tendo was a military nut who knew everything about the contracted experiments of his Great Aunts conglomerate and loved to share, but doesn’t he realize whom he is talking to?

"How did you get here" Akane bellowed.

"Sorry, you were unconscious and I didn’t recognize the landscape, so I looked in your purse and found an address book and a city map."

"Relax dear," her mother whispered, "we don’t want to agitate the reincarnated maniac."

Kasumi Tendo then pointed to a hole in the wall and explained that Ranma had become very agitated when he realized she was not the original Akane. He didn’t go on a rampage or anything; he just punched the wall and started crying. Unfortunately, Ken tried to comfort him by telling him what that strange Chinese girl at the noodle shop told the whole family a few weeks ago.

Akane blushed. "You mean the freaky girl who said I’m the first Akanes reincarnation!"

"Yes dear" her mother responded. "What’s worse your brother decided that he must be Ranmas reincarnation and you were being given a second chance at the legendary engagement."

Akane blushed furiously. "I can’t be engaged to him" she bellowed.

In hearing this Ranma glanced over, but he was used to hearing the same thing from another Akane and knew that someone would argue the issue for him whether he liked it or not.

On cue Ken pointed out how having a full power Ranma could help them stop the army of reduced power replicants.

"He has the mind of the man who destroyed half the planet" Akane argued. "Also he’s a transvestite, I saw him change genders."

Ken went bug-eyed with the transvestite claim, which completely overshadowed the mass destruction accusation.

"Hey, I don’t remember that stuff but it sounds like Ryoga did most of the destroying, and he kidnapped Akane. Isn’t her life more important" Ranma blathered.

"SHE JUST WENT OUT FOR MILK," everyone shouted in unison.

"It makes sense that you wouldn’t remember the final battle" Ken interjected. Usually only long term memory is successfully replicated and you would have died before your last experiences became long term memories."

"Ranma dear, what’s this about you being a cross dresser," Kasumi asked. "Historic records are sketchy but they describe you as a virile man amongst men, and Akanes diaries describe you as a shameless womanizer."

"But the most trusted records of his life before the apocalypse were written by a crazy woman and his own mother," Akane pointed out.

Ranma had noticed several history books on the bookshelves that listed Kodachi Kuno and Nodoka Saotome as the authors.

Apparently these historic accounts described him as a once great and noble defender who was swayed by the power of the dark-side. Kodachi's accounts blamed his corruption on the wretched Akane Tendo and a mysterious pigtailed girl. Of course Kodachi's accounts also involve Ewoks, a Death star, a Yoda like figure that was either Happosai or cologne, and their marriage on Planet Nabu. Nodoka’s accounts did not cover anything scandalous about Ranma’s life, and thus had huge gaping omissions, which left Kodachi's account as the more trusted reference.

He was a bit frustrated by how history chose to remember him. Especially the part about him losing a fight to Count Doku in episode II. However he was also embarrassed by how events actually happened. After some thought Ranma figured it was better to explain everything now than let everyone be unpleasantly surprised. He then proceeded to give Kasumi, Ken, and Akane a crash course on Jusenkyo curses, multiple fiancées, the Nekoken, gods, monsters, Amazon customs, dragon based hair care products, arranged marriages, 12 year training journeys, and the reasons for every alleged incident of transsexual behavior in his former life. He then proceeded to pour cold water on himself and pose as a demonstration. At the end everyone starred with eyes as wide as saucers, more terrified of the legendary baka than ever before.

Meanwhile in a dark room across town a boy wearing a yellow bandana, a girl carrying a giant spatchula, and a purple haired girl with bombouri received orders from a mysterious figure whose giant floating head had just minutes before told them not to look behind the curtain in the corner of the room. Their orders were to find and capture the escaped Ranma replicant. The girls hesitated but eventually their eyes glazed over and they monotonically agreed to her orders like the obedient dolls they were. The boy agreed without any hesitation, as though he had been waiting for these very instructions.

Also, down the street from the Tendo home a girl wiped some sweat from her brow as she finished cleaning the last of the tables in the noodle shop. She then examined her reflection, which was a pretty and youthful as ever. Pleased with herself the purple haired beauty then went to get orders from her own master.

Great Grandmother, I finish chores. I go see new Ranma now, is okay.