Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Grand Theft Auto: Nerima ❯ Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap ( Chapter 2 )

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap


Ranma went out to find some cold water and stopped by a sleazy women's clothing store that was in the area. A black leather mini skirt, matching boots, and a red elastic band that covered her tits later, Ranma was ready for her interview. She looked at herself in the mirror for a few seconds with a smile on her face. “Glad mom isn't here to see this. Gotta admit though, I'm damn sexy.”

She opened the stall and headed towards the front to rob the place. The gruff ugly guy at the register was eyeing Ranma up the entire time with a wide smile and would probably be playing with his pecker by now if not for the fact that his fat fingers didn't have the required dexterity to unzip his pants. “So, how ya payin' for this babe?” The way he wiggled his eyebrows after the question seemed to beg Ranma to kick his ass, but she thought she'd play with him first.

Ranma pulled out a folding knife and held it in front of her. “I'm not, and you're handing over all the cash ya fat taco eatin' fuck.”

The guy behind the till laughed and let his belly shake as he pulled a gun out from underneath the counter. “Now let's be rational missy. If you didn't have the cash to purchase my merchandise then you should have said so. I'm a reasonable guy and I think we could work something out.” He gave Ranma another look up and down with that greasy smile of his.

Ranma gazed at the gun with sly smile. “Hey, I've been looking for one of these.” She pushed the gun off to the side with a quick jab and cut the big guys hand causing him to both fire and drop the gun. She snagged it out of the air and pointed the piece right between his eyes. “Cash now or you're not getting any more Crispy Cream donuts.”

“H-hey! Watch where you're pointing that thing! Get out of here! You ain't got the rocks to shoot me!”

Ranma went into thought in her head, stuck her lip out and bobbed her head to the side once. “Well, not at the moment.” She then pointed the gun down and let a shot go off between his legs. “But I'll blow yours off if you piss me off. This is a robbery, don't turn it into a murder.”

The fat guy panicked and pulled a box out from underneath the table. “Good boy, don't forget the VCR now.”

“W-what VCR?”

“You know the one recording the events taking place right now? That one.”

“I-I don't have a camera in the store…”

“I really hate when people lie to me.” Ranma let another bullet fly by the man leaving his sleeve cut open and skin slightly burnt at the shoulder. “I'm going to ask for it one more time, and then I'll become irrational.”

The fat man reached down again with wide eyes and pulled up a large black box with wires still connected to it. “Here! Take it you crazy bitch!”

Ranma smiled as she walked out with $2000 cash and a new VCR. Before leaving she turned around with a smile plastered on her face and a gun pointed at the phone he was reaching for. Two shots declared the demise of the phone and ensured her getaway. “I must say, it feels great to be back in the game!” With that said, she headed back to the back alley where she parked the taxi and put her new belongings in the trunk while putting the 9mm in her purse.

After closing the truck she couldn't help but notice her hair in the rear view mirror. “That won't do…” She rummaged around in the cab for the water bottle she had and poured the contents all over her head. She pulled the pigtail apart and started straightening the wet hair until it was smooth and down in the back. It looked like she had just walked out of a shower with her hair being straight and with another look in the mirror she smiled. “Who's a little whore? You are!” She pointed in the mirror and laughed. After she calmed down she opened the door and got out mumbling to herself. “The shit I do for people… I deserve a medal or something…”

She made her way down the street to find the strip joint while perfecting her slut strut. She turned the corner and knocked on the back door waiting for a response. Before any one could answer she crossed her eyes and placed a stupid smile on her face. A big guy answered the door and upon giving her the look down he smiled and said. “Haven't seen you around here before. Looking for work?”

Ranma kept the same stupid look in her eyes and nodded her head. “Yeeeeaaaah. I was told to ask for Burney.”

The bouncer smiled down at her and asked. “Do you mean Boris?”

Ranma nodded her head retardedly again. “Oh, yeah! That was it!”

“Right this way Miss.” He extended a hand in the door and smacked her ass as she entered. Ranma giggled cutely and gave him a wink, but on the inside she wanted nothing more then to savagely rip his throat out.

She was lead into an office and the doors were closed behind her. She kept the same stupid cross-eyed look and greeted the big hairy guy known as Boris. “Hi! I'm Sheela!”

The big hairy guy had one too many buttons undone on his shirt for Ranma's liking, but if you want to be big greasy pervert who's full of him self, you may as well go all out. He got up from behind his desk and over to `Sheela' giving her the same inspection every one else had given her. “You're a beautiful little thing aren't you? Have you danced before?” Ranma didn't say much but gave him a big smile and a nod, yes. “How old are you gorgeous?”

Ranma looked away shyly keeping that airhead look on her face. “As old as you want me to be…”

“Are you from around here?”

Ranma gave him another over dramatic head swing signaling no. “No, I'm from way out of town!”

Boris smiled again and put an arm around her shoulder. “You're not too bright are you?”

Ranma giggled again and shook her head again. “Tee Hee! No, not really.”

He led her to the dressing room with a big grin on his face. “Perfect.”


About an hour later Ranma walked out the back door giving Boris a wave goodbye. “So I'll be starting tomorrow?”

Boris was now sporting a black eye but had the same smile on his face. “Yes, 9 o'clock sharp, and don't worry about the black eye Sheela. You're not the first one to accidentally kick me. I do get a bit rowdy around a pretty girl, just remember that if some guy tries getting up on stage with you, feel free to boot him off.”

“Yeah sorry about that… So you want me to bring my man here tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I need a tough guy to deal with a few problems… The last guy got wasted, but hey serves em' right. Business is business.

“Thanks B.B. See ya tomorrow.” Ranma held the stupid expression until she was out of sight and heading towards her cab. “Grab me will he! Come sit on Santa's lap, he says! What a dirt bag!” She opened up the driver's side door and was stopped before she could get in. She looked up to see three men surrounding her.

“Hey cutie. Want a good time?”

Ranma sighed and rubbed her head. “I'm in a bad mood dip shit. Get lost before you get hurt.”

The first guy chuckled a little as his two friends came in near. “Come on miss. We're just being friendly. Won't you help us out?”

Ranma stared the first guy straight in the eyes. “This is your last warning.”

A pair of hand crept up behind her and grabbed her breasts. Ranma remained motionless as she shook her head in disappointment. “You boys have just done something very foolish…” She grabbed the hands holding her and twisted them until they broke. The first guy that did all the talking backed away and let the second guy fall victim to Ranma's oncoming wraith. She broke his nose and smacked his head on the hood of the car. The last guy standing pulled out a knife and motioned for her to back off. The warning went ignored and Ranma gave him a quick jab to the face sending him to the ground, but she wasn't finished yet. She pulled him over to the open door of the car, wedged his head in and started slamming the door repeatedly against his head. “DON'T!” *SLAM* “FUCK!” *SLAM* “WITH!” *SLAM* “ME!” *SLAM* “BITCH!!!” *SLAM* She pulled him up and brought his bloody face close to hers. “Now what did you learn?” The guy gurgled a few times but couldn't say anything due to a broken jaw. “Keep your hands to yourself, that's what you damn well learned. If I catch you around here again I'll ram your head up his ass.” She pointed to the downed fat guy of the group as the man in her hands looked over and slowly blacked out. She dropped him and got into the car and pulled the seat forward. “Well I certainly feel better now.” The car started up and she made her way back to the Tendo Dojo. Along her way there she found Ryouga wandering the street aimlessly. She pulled over and opened the door. “Need a lift?”

Ryouga smiled as he got in but his face dropped when he saw Ranma. “Uhh… What's with the clothes?”

“Shut the hell up… I take it you've been lost for the last hour and a half.”

Ryouga went red. “Well…”

“Aw, hell. Don't answer that. Any ways I'm gonna need you sooner then I thought.”

Ryouga shook his head and asked unenthusiastically. “What happened?”

“That ass hole wanted me to show him ALL of my talents. I told him I had a boyfriend, so he'd back off.”

Ryouga got a bit of a disgusted look on his face. “You didn't have to `do' anything for him did you?”

“No, I got out of that. I just had to show him my moves.”

“Must have been pretty lame.”

“It was, but it doesn't matter.” Ranma grabbed her tits and pushed them up. “As long as I have these I'm good.”

“Watch the road Ranma…”

“Same goes to you, Sparky…”

Ryouga looked away from Ranma and kept his attention to other things. “So, did you find anything out?”

“Yup.”

“What?”
“Boris is a dead man the second I'm out of there.”

Ryouga sighed. “I meant about Akane…”

Ranma shook her head. “No, not yet. This is only the first day. I got a shift with Nabiki tomorrow, so I'll start sniffing around then, but for now I'm gonna make a few calls and get some damn sleep.”

Ryouga checked the clock radio on the car. “It's only eight. Why are you calling it in so early.”

“You caught me while I was on vacation.”

“Vacation?”

“Yeah. After I pull a big job I go on vacation for a week.”

Ryouga looked at Ranma funny. “You call hanging out in your dirty ass apartment all alone a vacation? Wait a minute… What kind of job did you pull?”

Ranma looked at him from the side and put her eyes back on the road. “The kind of job that requires me to lay low for a week while they slowly transfer money into a fake account of mine.”

“I see… It still doesn't tell me why you're tired.”

“I stay up late on my time off. I went to bed at four in and you knocked on my door at nine. Do the math.”

“You could have said something…”

“Who cares? Hey, do you have your own place?”

“What? No. I've been living out of the dojo whenever I find it. Luckily no one turned off the water lines, but there isn't any power in the house.”

Ranma rolled that around in her head for a few moments and came to a conclusion. “I guess I'll take care of that before I go to bed tonight… Know any hardware stores that are open right now?”

“No… But I do know about a construction site in the area…”

“I thought you had honor?”

“Well, you're the one doing it, not me, and you're gonna do it no matter what I say, sooo…”

“Good point. Let's roll.”


Ryouga was busy tossing equipment into the back of the truck as Ranma hotwired it. “What else?”

Ranma leaned out the window and gave a look into the bed of the truck. “Hmmm… See if you can find any extension cords and maybe a couple of long metal rods. Oh! The foreman's toolbox should be in that portable over there. I'm gonna need some tools too.”

Ryouga walked off towards the temporary building and kicked in the door. After looking around he found a large red metal box tucked away under an office desk. “Awesome.”

Ranma fired up the old Chevy and started backing up towards Ryouga. “Ok, hop in. I'm pretty sure we've got every thing we'll need.”

Ryouga opened the door, stepped up and planted himself in the large bench seat. “Are we just gonna leave the taxi here?”

Ranma hit her head and put the truck in park. “Oh, yeah.” She got out and pulled a stick of dynamite out of the back. She opened the doors to the taxi and started spraying WD-40 all over the interior and then lit the fuse followed by running like hell with a metal box and a VCR under her arms. More crap thrown into the box later, Ranma floored it and made off out of the vacant construction site. Behind them a loud explosion was heard as well as a flash of light. “Solves our taxi problem…”

Ryouga was doing exactly what he was earlier that day and looking around frantically for any one following them. “How can you be so calm!? Somebody could have seen us!”

“Yeah, your right… Somebody saw a redhead driving a stolen truck, which we are ditching by the way, and a pretty generic white guy with a bandana on his head. I'm sure the fuzz'll be all over us in a matter of seconds, you know after the fire department puts out the flames and they do an investigation and maybe come up with some fingerprints that aren't on file. You worry too much man.”

“Is it wrong of me to worry!?”

“Right, I sense a good old bitch fest coming on, courtesy of Ryouga McComplainypants.”

“What the hell were you thi-“

Ryouga was cut off as Ranma cranked the music and aptly ignored him once again. Ryouga sat with his arms crossed and with a scowl on his face. “Goddamn prick!”

“What?”

“I CALLED YOU A PRICK!”

“Sorry, I can't hear you! The music's too loud!”

Ryouga went into quiet mode as he contemplated on ways to kill Ranma.


Around eleven Ranma was a man again and now stepping off the burnt roof with a spool of wire in his hands. Ryouga was made to carry a few heavy objects as Ranma set them up. “Are you sure this is safe? You're gonna be connecting that to a power line, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. I've done this before, look just wait and you'll see this place light up.”

“All the bulbs burst in the fire, Ranma…”

“…”

“You knew that, right?”

“Fuck!”

“You didn't know…”

“We'll get some bulbs in the morning. The wiring in the walls is burnt to shit anyways.”

“So how will we know if it works?”

“I'll talk you into sticking your finger into a socket of something.”

“I'm not sticking my fingers into any sockets!”

“It's a joke, a joke. Something has to still work in this place. Maybe a fridge or a stove.”

“Oh, yeah. The kitchen survived most of the fire.”

“There we go, now hold these up as high as you can and when I say move, drop the cords and step away as fast as you can.”

“I hate you…”


The two gazed in wonder at the kitchen stove as the big bold digital numbers flashed 12:00. “Ha! And you thought I didn't know what I was doing.”

“Oh, I still think you don't know what you're doing. I'm blaming this miracle on dumb luck.”

“Who cares what you think? I'm going to bed. If you wake me up for any reason, I'll shoot you.”

“Sweet dreams, asshole…”

“Hey, if you've got nothing better to do, then clean up this mess and try to bury that power line.”

Ryouga raised an eyebrow and gave Ranma a sarcastic tone. “Oh, I'll that for ya all right.” Ranma was out like a light on the floor in no time and Ryouga was left to himself. `I have to admit… It's nice having him around again… He's still an absolute jerk wad though…'


Morning came and Ranma was nowhere to be found. Ryouga had a bad kink in his neck and tried rubbing it out as he pushed himself away from the wall. “Ranma! Hey dick head! Where are you?” Ryouga went unanswered and decided to stay put for an hour before going out and getting himself lost. It wasn't long that he had to wait as he heard a large truck coming up and parking itself outside the dojo. The door slammed close and Ranma walked through the gate with a couple bags in his hands. “Where were you?”

Ranma tossed him two bags and said. “Getting breakfast and a new toy.”

Ryouga started picking away at his rice and noodle breakfast as he found that toy Ranma had mentioned. “Why'd you get a watch?”

“It's not a watch, it's a GPS with an automatic mapping system. A buddy of mine from a while back is a real whiz kid with electronics. I told him I knew a guy that got lost a lot, so he had it made. I'll show you how to program that bad boy in a minute.”

“This is… for me?”

“Yeah. You're gonna need to know where you're going and how to get there quick if you're going to be pounding sense into people. That thing will always tell you where you are and you can program it to point you towards where ever it is you need to go. I've already put in the strip club and this place, so all you gotta do is make sure the blips are pointing straight ahead of you and you'll eventually get there.”

Ryouga looked at Ranma with wide eyes as he flicked the switch on the side on. He watched the screen as it showed two blips. One was right in front of him and another was far off to his left. As he turned the blip to the left slowly centered. Ryouga looked up at Ranma and then back at the wrist mounted GPS. “This is… the greatest gift any one has ever given me…”

“Yeah, I thought you'd like it. Any ways eat up and get your shit in gear. We've got some shopping to do before we go to work tonight.”

“Shopping?”

“You'll see.”


Ranma pulled into a strip mall in his newly painted truck with nice new plates. “You said we were gonna dump this thing…”

“It's useful, no one's going to think its theirs now come with me.” Ryouga followed Ranma into clothing store and looked around at the fine selection. “Now I told Boris that you were a pretty bad apple, but sweat pants and a yellow shirt doesn't exactly scream hostile. We're going with the standard bad ass look.”

“What's the standard bad ass look?”

“Black or white tank top with a leather jacket and either blue jeans or something that's olive. You need to look like you can hurt some one if crossed.”

“But I can hurt some one.”

“Yeah, but you don't look it. Now go get your shit and meet me at the till.”

The two were now heading towards a barbershop. “You want me to get a hair cut?”

“No, I want them all cut. It's also getting dyed black.”

“I never agreed to this…”

“But you're gonna do it anyways.”

The two walked in to find three familiar sights. It was the old principal of the Furikan high school and his two kids. Kuno wasted no time pulling out a stick and lunging at Ranma. “Demon!!!”

Ranma grabbed the end and whacked him in the face with it. “He still sucks…”

Kodachi had stars in her eyes as she gazed at Ranma. “My love! You've come back to me.”

“Yeah, and I'm yours if you do his hair, now get to it.”

Ryouga was seated immediately and Ranma walk over to the ex-principal. “So, how's business?”

The guy still wore his Hawaiian shirts and sunglasses, and for some reason seemed happier then ever. “It going good Kiki. I finally find me true calling in life.”

“That's good to hear.”

“Yous coming here for a trim to mon?”

“No, I'm good. Hey I've got a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Remember Akane Tendo? I've been looking around for her, but people are kind of hard to find these days.”

“Nah. I no see little kawani. She came by for a trim three weeks back and I no see her since.”

“I need his hair black babe. Three weeks huh? Well its better then nothing I guess. She didn't leave an address or phone number did she?”

“Nah, she just walk in, get a trim and leave. I no do appointment here. Customers just walk in and I make art.”

“Ahh, don't worry about it then. If you see her again, just tell her to stop by her old dojo.”

“I do this for you. You sure you no need a trim? Looking kinda long in the back, no?”

“Still after my pigtail I see.”

The old guy shrugged his shoulders with a smile. “What can I say? I'ma always up for a challenge.”

“At least you didn't change.” Ranma looked over at Ryouga as he got out of the chair with a look of fright in his eyes. “Well that was quick. Gotta hand it to ya Kodachi, you know what you're doing.”

“Thank you my love… My father taught me many things. You'll be back soon, right?”

“Of coarse.” Ranma gave the ex-principal his money and Kodachi a hell of a tip followed by using Kuno as a doormat. “See you guys around.”


The next stop was the grocery store which went by quickly with only really purchasing instant foods and frozen dinners. The two were back in the truck, but Ryouga still had that look of horror upon his face. “What the hell's the matter now?”

Ryouga looked at him and then in the side view mirror of the truck. “Sh-she wasn't even looking…”

“Ah, it turned out fine, didn't it? Now I'm going to give a few calls here and there and then we're working on making shit in that house work.”

“I though for sure…”

“It's fucking hair! Get over it!”


The afternoon was coming up late and the soft orange glow behind a smog cloud was quickly sinking and fading. The dojo had wires, hooks, and other quick patch works hanging all about the place. Ranma had found an old T.V and managed to tap into the neighbor's cable line. Lights hung off of bare wire and a radio played softly in the background, letting that sweet old rock and roll fill the air as the two ate in silence. Ryouga couldn't help but open his mouth. “I never would have pegged you for a handy guy.”

“It's just cheap repairs, I can't build a house or anything.”

“Still, I couldn't have done this myself.”

“It's just a temporary base, until we find something better. Getting to know that GPS yet?”

“Yeah, I've been playing with it. I got the Amazon's place as well as the downtown apartment blocks. I can take you there when ever you need.”

“Cool.” Ranma's ears twitched as he heard something going on in the alleyway behind the house. “Some one's sneaking around back there…”

Ryouga leaned to look behind Ranma. There were shadows passing by the slowly and a few guys talking quietly. “What do ya think they want?”

“It's just a guess, but I think this area's been tagged by a gang. We may be intruding.”

“How are WE intruding?”

“Let's go find out.” Ranma put his bowl down and walked to the gate. Upon opening it he saw five guys outside getting ready to bust in. “Can I help you?”

A guy with a shaved head and earring twirled a bat around in his hands. He was clearly the leader of the pack. “You can help, us by gettin' the fuck out of here.” He pointed the bat like an arrow to a spray paint design on the wall. “This is our territory and nobody gets in with out permission.”

“I see… How about this? I'm only going to be here for a few days. Go tell your boss I'll be out of his hair by Sunday and we can go on like nothing happened.”

“Ain't gonna work that way. You see, I'm the boss, and as soon as I start to let things slide around here, people start to think they can walk all over me. You can take that imported piece of shit and drive it out of here, or you can leave in body bags, your choice.”

Ranma reached an arm out and grabbed the guy by the throat. The gang reacted as well as Ryouga jumping past Ranma to take down two guys. Ranma grabbed the bat out of the skinhead's hand and started belting guys across the face with it. Blood was spilled and teeth were missing, with three guys left standing. Ranma tightened his grip around the skinhead's neck and asked calmly. “You're too stupid to be the boss, you know that? And if you are the actual boss, then I guess I've just felt the full force of this little piss poor posse of yours. Now who's the real boss?”

The guys struggled to breath but managed to spit on Ranma's face. “F-Fuck you!”

Ranma shook his head and whacked the bat against the side of the bald man's head. “That's not the answer I'm looking for.” Ranma gave the guys head another hit. “Now I'll ask again. Who are you working for and where is he?”

He hung there limp for a few seconds pretending to be unconscious, but when he felt Ranma weight shift to knock him in the head again, he opened his eyes wide and yelled. “Wait! Wait!”

Ranma tapped him on the head a couple times and said, “Start talking.”

“Our bosses name is Jerry. He's down at the docks, let me go man!”

Ranma shook his head. “Nah. You're coming with me. We're both going to see Jerry.”

“No way man! He'll kill me!”

“Not my problem. Ryouga, help me get these dumb fucks into the back of the truck. We're going for a drive.”

Ryouga nodded and started tossing guys roughly into the box. Ranma finished up by tying them up with bungee cords, and devise an odd method of getting the information he wanted. He took out a roll of duck tape and started applying it the skinhead's hairy arms, legs, chest, and eyebrows. “I'd like to tell you now that lying to me is a bad thing. If I run out of tape to pull that nasty hair of yours out, then I'll start blowing limbs off with this little baby.” Ranma pulled out the 9mm and flashed it in front of his eyes. “Now get in the fucking truck and don't speak unless spoken to, ya got that?”

He nodded carefully and climbed into the truck.



(ACDC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap)