Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Grand Theft Auto: Nerima ❯ Mad World ( Chapter 9 )

Mad World

 

 

 

As usual the club was closed during mid-day, but Ranma still had shifty eyes for some sort of security guards kicking around. His main fear was actually seeing some angry gay guard in leather chaps and a belly shirt chasing him around with a nightstick and a playful grin on his face. Being in an empty club was always a strange feeling. The dance floor was empty, the bar was empty and there was no damn music. Everything was just missing. Jerico had helped Ranma pry the back door open and wasted no time with the gay jokes. “Hey. How do you get more guys into a gay bar?”

 

Ranma shrugged. “No clue.”

 

“Turn the stools up-side-down.”

 

Ranma snickered and tried his hand at it as he had at the fast-cash machine. “What do you call a gay bar with no place to sit?”

 

“What?”

 

“A fruit stand.”

 

Jerico laughed and went over to the bar and picked up a large bottle of booze gave it a look and came up with another. “What do ya call a fart in a gay bar?”

 

“What?” Ranma started making his way over to a deposit box generically hidden under a false floor behind the bar.

 

“The mating call.”

 

Ranma was about to come up with something when a thump was heard and the sound of a door closing followed after it. Both Ranma and Jerico looked at each other and quickly ducked behind the bar. They kept quiet as footsteps entered the main area and the sound of some guy yawning was heard. The two both had large bottle of booze in their hands ready to pummel anyone that came near them. The footsteps started nearing the bar and the two got ready for their attack. Ranma leaned close to Jerico and whispered. “I don't want to kill this guy, but I also don't want him to see us.”

 

Jerico stared at him wide eyed for a moment and whispered back. “Well what the fuck are we gonna do? He's gonna see us!”

 

“Let me handle it. Just wait.” Ranma held the heavy bottle by the neck and waited. The footsteps stopped just short of bar and a hand came over the counter and hit the power switch to the clubs stereo. Music started and the sounds left towards the dance floor. Ranma took a deep breath and whispered to Jerico again. “Ok, new plan. Go to the edge over there and tell me when he's got his back to us.”

 

Jerico nodded and crawled off to the side to poke his head around the corner. The guy on the dance floor was doing some sort of aerobic workout and Jerico just shook his head in pity. Ranma got ready to jump up as soon as Jerico gave the signal and he still had the bottle in his hand. He watched for Jerico's signal while listening to where the dance steps made their way. Jerico's hand started waving and Ranma shot up from behind the bar, found the back of the guys head in no time and chucked the bottle as hard as he could from twenty feet away. The poor unsuspecting guy never knew what was coming and fell flat to his face when the thick bottle smashed against the back of his head. Jerico got up and immediately went over to the guy. He gave the downed guy a look and realized that his eyes were still open. “AHH!”

 

The guy in spandex pants and a see through black mesh shirt slowly got up and pulled out a Kendo stick. Ranma looked at the guy in wonder. “No way! He should have been knocked out!”

 

The queer was quick with the stick and knocked Jerico off to the side and turned around with a cross look on his face, which soon turned to confusion as he saw Ranma. “S-Saotome?” Ranma's face dropped when he saw Kuno and a blank look developed in his eyes. Kuno shrieked and dropped the stick. “W-w-w-what are you doing here!?”

 

Ranma snapped out of it and pointed at him. “What are YOU doing here!?”

 

Kuno looked shifty eyed and started stepping back. “I uhh… You're trespassing Saotome!”

 

“Ahh! You're gay!”

 

“I am not attracted to other men, such as yourself Saotome!”

 

Ranma screamed as he pulled the cash register off the counter, bolts and all, and promptly chucked it at Kuno, which sent him to dream land instantly. Ranma started breathing hard as Jerico picked himself up. “You two know each other?”

 

“No! I'm not associated with him in any way!”

 

“I didn't know you knew the owner here.”

 

“He's the owner!?”

 

“Yeah, this is Jerry's favorite place. Those two are always flirting.”

 

“This is exactly what I meant! I never wanted to know this about Kuno! I thought he was a skirt chasing pervert, working in his dad's salon.”

 

“That's his day job… And I hear he goes both ways.”

 

Ranma started getting that feeling of wanting to scrub himself senseless with an S.O.S pad. “Awe damn! Did he know I was `pigtailed girl' or what? Ahh!”

 

Jerico passed Ranma a funny look. “Pigtailed girl? What's that suppose to mean?”

 

Ranma thought up a lie quick. “I'm uhhh… Let's just say that I can disguise myself pretty good. About as good as Jerry if I try hard.”

 

“Wow… You don't look anything like a chick… Sooooo… what do we do now?”

 

“The fuck should I know!?”

 

“Well, you're the pro and he saw us.”

 

“I told you I'm not a pro! I only have a rough idea of what I'm doing.”

 

“Well what do we do about this!?”

 

“Stop asking me that!”

 

 

Ryouga was getting a shoulder rub as he pieced together a mini-bomb. “Please stop that…”

 

“But you're enjoying it.”

 

“How come I have to put this thing together?”

 

“Because you have to learn how and also because you keep giving me the cold shoulder.”

 

“You keep trying to rape me!”

 

“I hear that you can't rape the willing.”

 

Ryouga started crying as he did his best to focus on the little firebomb. “I just want to be a one woman man… Why am I such a disgraceful loser?”

 

“Hey… At least I like you.”

 

Ryouga cried harder as he lost his losing battle. “Where's Ranma…?”

 

“Oh, some where very far away from us… and he's not bailing you out.”

 

“Please stop rubbing my shoulders…”

 

“Ya know… I've never actually screwed in a power room before. Odd, Ranma and I have been in so many, but we just never got around to it.” Ryouga finished the bomb and ran out of the room at break-neck speeds. Sheela snapped her fingers and thought to herself. `Damn! He's actually gonna win the bet.' She adjusted the placement of the little thing towards the center on the power panel and flicked on a lighter she had in her pocket. She scooted off to the side and couched down with her hands behind her head waiting for it to go off. A loud pop was heard and she turned around as the lights went out. She pulled out a flash light took a look at the damaged box and pulled a few extra cords out to be safe. “Sweetie! We're done here!” Her calls went unanswered and she made her way up the stairs with a hurt look. “Hey! Cutie! Where are ya?”

 

 

The four met up down the street from a high-end club called Roxy's and Ranma was the first to ask. “So how many places have you guys hit?”

 

Sheela counted them out as Ryouga gave her an unwilling piggyback ride. “We blew the fuse at Hashim's, set up scanners at Bob's Bits, Federico's and… what else cutie?” She knocked on Ryouga's head.

 

“Uhh… Slack Alice's? Yeah. How about you guys?”

 

Ranma answered. “We did scanners at The Kitten Club, The Back Door, Jimmy's Johnson, and… wait I though we did Federico's too?”

 

Jerico shook his head. “No that was Fernado's. We blew a hole in the roof at the Bingo Hall and took all the doors from Andre's.”

 

Ryouga raised an eyebrow. “Took the doors?”

 

Ranma scratched the back of his head. “Yeah we kept breaking the doors there so we thought, hey, why not just take them all off the hinges, that oughtta close the place for tonight.”

 

“I guess it works… So what about Roxy's over there?”

 

Ranma pulled out his cell phone and gave Zero a call. While the phone rang he filled them in. “Roxy's has got a security system. Zero's gonna take care of that and Sheela's gonna take you two to help her while I go see Bugsy. After I'm done with him I'll meet up with all of ya back at the dojo.” Zero finally picked up his phone and answered. “Yo, we're ready for ya… Sweet, see ya soon.” Ranma hung up. “See ya all later.” Ranma boarded his new hot pink El Dorado and started it up.

 

 

Ranma reached a flower shop and parked the boat of a car. He entered the shop and saw Bugsy behind a small wooden counter with a flower apron on, a stupid smile and a new paper to his face. “Hey.”

 

Bugsy dropped the paper and welcomed him in. “Ahh, Mr. Hurricane. Please come into the back with me, I was expecting you a little earlier, but who cares about that?”

 

“I sure don't.” Bugsy gave a couple laughs as he walked off into the back and Ranma followed till they were at a nice show garden with a lounge in the center. “You take this gardening thing seriously don't ya?”

 

Bugsy shrugged. “A guy's gotta have a hobby kid. You want a drink?”

 

“Nah I'm good. I'm kinda in a hurry here so lets talk business.”

 

“What do you propose?”

 

“Look Bugsy, I'm not an idiot here. I know you threw that money into his account on purpose so you'd annoy me enough to come out of hiding, so what do you want and why shouldn't I shoot the shit out of you?”

 

Bugsy started to develop a nervous smile, which quickly turned into a full-blown grin. “Ok, you got me.” He scratched his head and laughed a few times. “I guess I should give you a little bit more credit, as usual.”

 

“You should now what do you want?”

 

He leaned back in his lawn chair as some guy handed him a drink. “An exchange for the most part. You do something for me and I'll do something for you. Just like I wanted it to be, but I just didn't want you to find out I was harassing your mom on purpose.”

 

“Yeah, that doesn't exactly sit well with me. I'd like to know what it is you'd like to offer though.”

 

“An information exchange, nothing more. You do a little bit of recon work for me and I'll pull some strings for some information that you'd like to know.”

 

Ranma shook his head. “I don't like hand shake deals.”

 

Bugsy nodded. “If there's one thing I learned it's that you have to give trust to others before they can return it.”

 

“Beautiful. Did you write that yourself?”

 

“Well I don't mean to brag but… Ah well forget that, what I'm saying is that I'll give you information first as a show of trust to you that if I do so you will get what I'm looking for.”

 

“Now you're talking.”

 

Bugsy put up his feet as Ranma took a seat. “I hear through the grape vine that you've been snooping around for an old girl-friends whereabouts.”

 

“Kinda found her already. Try again Bugsy.”

 

“Nah, you didn't find her, you found a trap which I'd like to applaud you for getting out of. She was placed there to root you out and it succeeded. What you want to know is where to find her when she's not under the ever-watchful eye of Jasper.”

 

“You're peaking on my distrust right now Bugsy. How the fuck would you know where she is? Seriously?”

 

“How can I put this…? Let's just say that I'm known as Bugsy Garino around here.”

 

Ranma didn't waste any time pulling out his gun and pointing it straight at Bugsy's head. “Is that so?”

 

“I guess you don't get it. Garino is a brotherhood if you will. Not directed with blood, but a title given to those in charge of something serious. Just because I've been labeled, as a Garino doesn't mean I like all those other guys. In fact I hate most of them. The only legitimate brothers are Timmy and Jasper and even they hate each other.”

 

“No shit?” Ranma kept the gun held in his hand with a stiff unmoving arm.

 

“I not trying to get on your bad side kid, I've heard of your little outbursts in Kyoto and I like what I hear. Timmy came here for the sole reason of getting away from Jasper, but hey beggars can't be choosers. The only reason Timmy's mad at you is because you forced Jasper to come here.”

 

“So why does Jasper act like a shit in his cornflakes?”

 

Bugsy raised his eyebrows. “You don't know? You killed his brother kid.”

 

“I killed his brother? I don't remember killing any one named Garino back in Kyoto.”

 

“Oh, their brother wasn't in this dysfunctional little family of mine.”

 

“So who was he?”

 

“Can't say I know to be honest. I never did care to remember his name, but what I do know is that Timmy didn't care too much while on the other hand you struck a pretty sensitive spot with Jasper.”

 

“Killed their brother huh? Hmm… I guess I'd be pretty peeved too”

 

“Yup. Now do you mind lowering that thing? I'd like to take a drink with out you shooting me.”

 

“I'm still deciding if I want to trust you or not. I really don't like the idea of you being Garino.”

 

“You seem to trust Jerry.”

 

“Jerry's a Garino too?”

 

“Well… used to be to be more precise. After he got the sex change he was kind of looked down on and became a little bit shunned in the organization.”

 

“Awe man… Jerico wasn't lying…”

 

“You didn't know Jerry was a guy?”

 

“Well no-.”

 

“How could you not know?”

 

“Do you want to be fucking shot!?”

 

“No…”

 

“Then drop it!”

 

“Ok, ok calm down kid. Geez.”

 

Ranma crossed his arms but still kept Bugsy within aim. “So where's Akane and I want pictures.”

 

A few seconds later the same guy that served drinks came back with a folder and handed it to Ranma. Bugsy filled him in as Ranma read through it and looked at a couple pictures. “She's in a mansion build close to the old west highway. I've got a guy working in there that occasionally talks to her and that's how we got your name to pop up. We thought she was just keeping her lips sealed about you, but we eventually figured out that she really had no clue where you were. Oh, the address of the place is on the back of that picture. You can check it out if you want unless you think this is another trap.”

 

“I'll check it out, but if I get shot at just remember that I'm coming straight back here to shoot your sorry ass.”

 

“I wouldn't have it any other way. Any ways do you feel like doing me a favor now?”

 

“Not really, but I guess I can help. Just remember. I'm the bullet catcher that can't be killed, so don't screw me and you won't end up crucified amongst your lovely garden here.”

 

Bugsy put up his hands. “Hey I value my life just as much as the other guy. So here's what I want…”

 

 

A light rain shower poured down during midday as Ranma drove the Cadillac down the road and fought with the switches trying desperately to get the top to cover the car. She eventually pulled over, popped the trunk open and removed Kuno's gag. “Yo, how the hell do I put the top up on this thing?”

 

“Oh, it's manual. You have to pull it out yourself.”

 

“Thanks.” She placed the gag back in his mouth, closed the trunk and got the top on. She eventually got to Furikan High School to have her daily visit with Paul. She found him in the broom closet smoking a joint with a couple students. “Put that shit out.”

 

“Ahh!” Paul bounced the joint around in his hands a bit and stamped it out as the students ran off. “W-What is it? Did e' send you ere'?”

 

“No, I need you to do something for me.”

 

“Well ask nicely luv, or I may not-.” (BIFF!)

 

Ranma smoke him across the face and pointed her finger down at him. “You will do this for me or I'll send my brother after you as soon as I'm done with you.”

 

“Ow! Don't be so mean luv…” (SOCK!)

 

“Don't call me love, it makes me feel greasy. Anyways, you're doing a recon mission for me and I want you to come back with pictures.”

 

“Fine, fine! Christ yer abusive!”

 

Ranma handed him a picture of Akane and the Address. “Verify this for me ok?”

 

“Ok. How's the uhh… plan coming along… You know, so I don't die.”

 

“It's under control, don't you worry about it princess. You just focus on keeping the school clean Paul, honestly…” Ranma turned around and started walking away.

 

Paul asked as she made her way down the hall. “Hey! Can you dance tonight? They love ya out there.”

 

Ranma turned around and gave him a cold look. “I'd rather shit down my own throat.” Turned again and left.

 

“I'd pay to see that…”

 

 

Ranma pulled up to the dojo and Sheela was already coming over to the pink rocket. “Hey! No touchies! I might actually return this.”

 

“That'd be a first. So how was it?” She groped Ranma with one hand and placed the other on Ranma's cheek as she kissed her.

 

Ranma looked angry again as she wiped the 10W30 oil off her face. “Fine… I take it you lost?”

 

Sheela pulled a small stack of bills out of her back pocket and handed them to Ranma. “How'd you know he was gonna keep his pants on?”

 

“He's a dedicated guy.”

 

“You didn't say that about him. I thought you said he cheated?”

 

“Oh, he did. I just know he wouldn't be stupid enough to do it again.”

 

Sheela crossed her arms. “Hmph! That settles it then! You cheated on the bet and you owe me a car! A big pink one too!”

 

“You're a sore loser…” Ranma shook her head and waved her towards it. “Fine but don't blow torch the trunk, I've got a guy in there.”

 

“Is he cute?”

 

“I don't know! Just keep him away from me, ok?”

 

“Okies!”

 

Ranma met Ryouga sitting on the patio completely drenched. Ryouga looked at Ranma's chest and asked. “Who copped a feel?”

 

“Huh?” Ranma looked down to see a 10W30 handprint on her breast. “That's a new one… She hasn't done that to me before…”

 

“Oh, Sheela.”

 

Ryouga tossed Ranma a towel and she dried herself off. “So how did it go at Roxy's?”

 

“I'd rather not talk about it…”

 

Ranma pulled half the bills Sheela gave her out of her pocket and tossed them at Ryouga. “There's your share.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“We won a bet. Thanks for keeping your dick in your pants.”

 

Ryouga's eyes turned to slits as he glared at Ranma. “You bastard!” He lunged at her and tackled her off the patio and into the rain.

 

She put him in a headlock quickly, stuck her fingers up his nose and pulled his head back. “Hey, question.”

 

“I'm gonna sneeze!” Ranma took her fingers out just in time to avoid the snot rockets. Ryouga sat on the grass as Ranma got up and looked down at him. “What?”

 

“When did you get cured?” Ryouga realized that he was getting rained on with no change.

 

“Oh… Uhhh… I got lost looking for you and ended up in China and you know…”

 

“And you didn't tell me because?”

 

Ryouga shrugged. “I thought you'd get mad or something if you knew.”

 

“I see…” Ranma crossed her arms and walked off to find Hikori.

 

 

Ranma found Hikori sitting on a couch that wasn't there that morning. “Hey, are you ready for tonight?”

 

“I was waiting for you to finish… Did Sheela grab you?”

 

“Yes, now stop staring or I'll rip your spine out your ass.”

 

“Just checking. So you got any plans for the next five hours?”

 

“Not really. I was just gonna watch t.v… better yet I'm gonna go pay Jerry a visit.”

 

“Good, I'll go with you, I'm bored.”

 

The two got in the car and when Ranma turned the key, no sound was heard. She rubbed her forehead and spoke loudly. “Sheela! Put the spark plugs back in, I need to go.”

 

Sheela popped out from underneath on a roller board. “What? It's only been like three minutes!”

 

“Sheela! You tore every thing else apart, can you please spare this thing for just today?”

 

“No.”

 

“Sheela! I'm in a hurry! Put the fucking spark plugs back in!”

 

“Only if you flash me your tits.”

 

“No!”

 

“Then I can't help ya…”

 

Ranma got mad and pointed Hikori to look away. “Eyes away! Now!”

 

 

 

Somewhere down the street Hikori started snickering. Ranma put on her angry face and yelled. “I AM NOT UNDER HER THUMB!” Hikori didn't say anything except for making the sound of a whip cracking and a hand motion. “AND I AM NOT WHIPPED!”

 

 

Ranma came skidding into the docks and got out with Hikori and doing what any other respectable person would do. Ranma knocked on the door and waited. As usual Jerico was the designated door bitch and he looked at the two. “Hey… Hikori right? And she is?”

 

Hikori pointed his thumb to Ranma and said. “Ranma.”

 

Ranma looked down at her boobs and remember that she was in fact a she at the moment. “Fuck!” She gave Hikori a hard shoulder shot and ask. “Why didn't you tell me!?”

 

Hikori shrugged to her with a hurt look. “You get used to it and forget about it after a while.”

 

Jerico looked Ranma up and down. “Whoa! You weren't kidding, you can do that as well as Jerry.” Jerico gave Ranma's breast a squeeze and said. “Wow you go all out, these things feel real…”

 

Ranma vibrated with an angry look on her face as Hikori started snickering again. Ranma Smoked Jerico in the head and yelled. “Stop grabbin' me ya rat-bastard!”

 

Jerry came around the corner just in time to see Jerico get pushed back by the force of Ranma's punch looked at her with a big cigar in her mouth. “And you are?”

 

Ranma stood in front of Jerry with a pissed look. “Ranma! I'm Ranma damnit!”

 

Jerry gave her another look up and down and said. “Nicely done. I know a bar you might be interested in.”

 

Ranma put her hands on her hips and looked down. “I was already there… And not for that reason either!”

 

“Oh, I see. This is just something you do from time to time I guess. Ya know I was like you once. Always unsure of myself and not knowing-.”

 

“I came here for a reason damnit! Not to hear the gay Philosophies of Jerry!”

 

“Oh… So why did you come here?”

 

“I need to ask a favor.”

 

Jerry laughed at Ranma and flicked the ash off the end of her cigar. “Oh, that's precious right there. Jerico go mark this day on the calender. Saotome asks me for a favor. I don't owe you shit. You owe ME shit buddy boy.”

 

“Awe come on, it's nothing big.”

 

“I got a policy Mr. Saotome. Either go big or go home. I don't deal with small time shit.”

 

“Ok fine, it's something huge then.”

 

“Not interested in the least.”

 

Ranma tapped her foot for a second. “How about this. You do me this tiny little favor and I hand you the deed to the Back Door.”

 

Jerry raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Ok… How did you acquire ownership over a gay bar in under a week?”

 

Ranma pointed out the door to the pink Cadillac. “That would be the owners car and he would be in the trunk.”

 

Jerry shook her head. “You didn't kill him did you?”

 

“Well no… I'm pulling a job right now and I kind of… Well he caught me red handed and I didn't know what else to do then tie him up and figure out what I was going to do till later.”

 

Hirkori nodded. “That would explain those occasional screams coming from the back seat. I was worried for a little bit.”

 

Ranma turned to him. “What's so weird? We've had people tied up in the trunk before.”

 

“Well yeah, but you were pretending you didn't even hear them. I thought I was hearing things. In that short drive I became religious and you just tore that away from me.”

 

“Wow, I'm shittin' in every one's cornflakes these days.”

 

Jerry grabbed Ranma's attention again. “Hey, I'm liking where this is going. What is it you want from me?”

 

“I want you to lend me a couple of helping hands tonight and keep an eye on a few people for me.”

 

“Jerico's about the only reliable person I have the rest of them are a bunch of utter knot-heads.”

 

“That's fine.”

 

“And who would you like us to keep an eye on for you? If it's a Garino or a Vercetti then it's a no go.”

 

Ranma found a piece of paper and a pen on a desk and started writing down names. “I want to know is where these people are, what they are doing, who they are doing it with, and especially who they are talking to.”

 

Jerry took the slip of paper and read through the names. “Didn't you come here with this guy before?”

 

“Yeah, but I can't keep an eye on him all the time. We don't really like each other but we can tolerate each other enough. I got some advice from an old acquaintance that I feel I should follow.”

 

“Who?”

 

“She should be the third one down.”

 

Jerry gave the list another look down. “Do you know all these people?”

 

“Yeah, and I'm a little paranoid right now.”

 

“Ok, I won't ask any more question, but just remember. As usual if this comes back to bite me in the ass at a later date, I'll personally sodomize you with a cheese grater, ok?”

 

“Yeah, yeah I know the routine.”

 

“Ok, can you leave Kuno here? I'd like to go over the liquidation of his assets with him.”

 

“I'm sure you do… Either way the further away from me he is the happier I am.”

 

Jerry gave Jerico a kick to get him up. “Hey get your ass up and help him.”

 

Jerico rubbed his head and got up. “I'm over worked…”

 

The three were almost out and Jerry asked her final question. “Hey, Saotome. Did you really not know I was a guy?”

 

“FUCK OFF!”

 

 

(Tears For Fears - Mad World This is the only good version of the song. Gary Jules fucked it up and don't let any one tell you otherwise.)