Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ If Wishes were Fishes ❯ A senior moment ( Prologue )

He wandered. To those that knew him, and to him as well, this was never really in doubt.

He'd left looking for a little something to do. He hadn't at all meant to wander off this far- now it was certainly going to take him days to get back to the house, unless he bumped into someone who knew where he lived. Akane'd be happy to take him home; heck, even Ranma would.

Still, he sighed, this sure didn't look much like Tokyo. He knew he often mistook places, but this really wasn't Tokyo. Not even close to urban enough- the sky was very clear above. He could be in Shikoku... If he could only look around to find someone to give him some directions.

He scanned the street, finding businesses. A dirt street, poorly maintained, with a few cobblestones thrown in here and there for good measure. He smiled- this was his kind of place. He spotted a woman about his age walking along the stores watching some children play. her long brown hair caught his eye favorably. He shook his head- he was a married man. Nevertheless, he opened his eyes, and with only a slight surprise that he'd managed to stay facing the same direction, headed over to ask for some directions.

She had just finished sweeping the step, hoping to make it look a little better. It wasn't as nice a building as she'd had in the old days; she scolded herself. She didn't like to think too much about the past: it was pretty painful. Still, this was a nice town, with very nice neighbors. The children who played in the streets here were very nice. She often liked to give them free food, and then when they were running around in the shop, she would allow herself, just for a moment, to pretend they were hers. Right now, she was out on a little walk, watching them play- no one was really minding them, and she figured someone ought to.

"Ano..."

She raised an eyebrow before she truned around, quizzically wondering who it was. The voice sounded familiar- it was probably one of those hopeless fops one of the neighbors had tried to set her up with as of late. Sure, she was lonely, but that didn't mean that these pathetic sacks of men would help in any way.

She'd show him...

She spun around on her heels with the scariest, angriest face she could manage, voice contorted into a low, threatening growl. "I thought I told you never to come around here with your..."

She stopped dead cold, and the quizzical look returned to her face, as she examined a middle aged man with a moderately large build. It had been a long time, but she'd recognize that dopey mug anywhere.

He'd had a sheepish little smile on when he spun, but now he just was in a little bit of shock. Slowly, his face grew an expression of indignation.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you, Ukyou-san." he said, before turning back around.

Suddenly, Ukyou's hand shout out to the top of his bulky pack, and she held him fast. "Hey, wait a second. I made a mistake. I'm sorry." Ukyou offered.

Ryoga turned around.

"It's just that I thought you were someone else, someone I really didn't want to see."

Ryoga's brain churned slowly. There were a couple of witty remarks that could be made- he'd be sure of it. He'd never been to hot off the cuff with them before, but he'd learned to be funny since he got married- someone had to be.

"Oh, for a second I thought you had seen me coming, and it was just like old times." he said with a little bit of a grin.

Ukyou looked about the street, then with a shrug, grabbed his arm. "Come on, Ryoga-kun. Let's get you a bite to eat."

"Actually, I'm not all that hungry. I was just looking for some directions..."

She whirled and faced him again with the angry look.

"Look, you're gonna come in, and you're gonna eat some of my delicious okonomiyaki- the best in Japan, I might add- and then we're gonna talk. I don't get out much."

Ryoga shrugged off the evil look. He was sure she didn't actually mean it this time.

"Sure" he said.

He sat down at the counter.

"So, how have things been with you, lately" Ukyou asked.

Ryoga thought for a minute before responding. He hadn't seen her since they were both teens- and he wanted to seem like he'd really matured. He thought until the right thing to say came to him.

"Lately; same old, same old. I've been getting a little bored with life as usual."

Ukyou fixed him with a stare. "I don't know what life is like for you "As Usual"

"I know."

Ukyou's glare took on a puzzled characteristic. "Why, Ryoga Hibiki, novice comedian. I'd never noticed."

"You weren't too well known for noticing things, so it shouldn't come as any big surprise." he said with a triumphant little smile. <Take that!> then he suddenly dropped it- he didn't want to have crossed the line.

"I'm sorry" he began, just as she began to laugh.

"Touche" she said as she finished her little laugh, and flipped his okonomiyaki with skill- it spun high in the air without losing a single ingredient.

"So, what have you been doing? Where do you live, what do you do, any hobbies, etc, etc."

Ryoga smiled a little bit. "I'm a bodyguard."

Ukyo looked at him. "With your sense of direction? How does that work? I notice that your sense of direction must be the same, if our meeting is any indication."

"Hai, it's still the same." the lost man replied. "But actually, it doesn't affect my job at all. All I have to do is follow my 'body' around, and I'm doing my job."

"Oh, that must be nice. How'd you get into doing that?"

Ryoga smiled a little bit. "I walked into some hong kong action guy's house, and won a fight with his bodyguards."

"I take it you didn't do that on purpose?" Ukyou said, judging for the look on his face.

"Ah, no. I was in a fight already at the time."

The martial artist in Ukyou was curious, even if she was pretty sure of the answer. "With who?" the pretty chef asked.

"Oh, Ranma, of course. Even after everything that happened, we still fight."

Even Ryoga couldn't miss the look of pain that glanced across Ukyou's face, even if it was very fleeting.

"So, they just gave you the job?"

"Yeah, just like that. I needed a job- I'm not really capable of holding down a dojo, and I'm not really needed at home."

Ryoga paused, looking to politely ask her what she'd been doing- but it was pretty obvious. She was still making Okonomiyaki.

"Still with your passion, eh?" Ryoga said.

"Sure am, sugar. Something's gotta make these old bones happy."

Ryoga chuckled a little at that.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Hibiki." she replied.

He smiled even wider, but ceased his chuckling.

"You've really changed." she said.

He nodded. "You haven't."

She smiled grimly. "I know. Pretty sad, huh?"

He thought for a moment. "no, not really- you were probably the most mature of us back then, if you rule out the whole Ranma business. Oh, and the crossdressing. And the plots, and you know, stuff."

"So if you count out everything I did back then, you'd say I was the most mature? thanks." she said sarcastically.

"You know what I mean. You took care of yourself, and you were on top of things. You were like a...."

he struggled for a moment. She stared at him as his mind worked. He looked up at her big eyes.

"You're burning the okonomiyaki." he said.

"I'm like a... What?/?!!!" she said, suddenly looking down at the okonomiyaki. Somewhere in the conversation, she'd started to press down on it- she'd thinned it out, and as Hibiki had said, it was indeed burning.

"Rats." she said, hurling it in the garbage and giving Ryoga a sheepish grin before starting him another.

He watched intently as she mixed them up.

"Planning on stealing my secrets, hibiki?" she asked.

"Actually, yeah. I do cook for myself a lot, you know." he replied.

"The secret's in the batter" she added.

"yeah," he sighed "I know."

"So, you were saying?" she said.

"About what?"

"I was like a... you know, what you were gonna say."

"Oh, yeah. I dunno, like maybe a cake. A good cake that was really obsessed with getting those little icing flowers, when you pretty much were done already."

Ukyou gave him a sly look. "Are you trying to butter me up, Hibiki?"

He suddenly waved his hands in front of his face. "Oh, no, I'm not. It's not like that at all."

She caught a glimmer from his left hand, confirming her suspicions. However, she wasn't ready to bring that up yet. Maybe never.

"Good. I was thinking maybe you wre getting sweet on me, and I'd have to put a stop to an old man like you leering after a sweet young thing like myself." she said with a big grin.

"Hey, aren't you a little older than me?" Ryoga said.

>CLANG<

"I'll take it that that means... no?" Ryoga said.

Ukyou gave him his umpteenth glare of the day before moving on. "so, you were working as a bodyguard for an kung-fu star. Were you ever in any of his movies?" Ukyou asked.

Ryoga's face took on a very strange countenance, as he stared at her.

"Why yes, as a matter of fact. I bet you'll love this story, as a matter of fact."

Ukyou smiled. He was putting on a "This really makes me upset face", but it had fairly obviously been over for long enough that even he thought it was funny.

"We were extras in a couple of Ken Wu's films, Ranma and I. We did so well at that, that after a while, Ken's agent, signed both me and Ranma."

"Exciting! how did it work out?"

"Well, not too well. and it's all Ranma's fault. Well, and maybe mine, too." He took a bite out of the Okonomiyaki that Ukyou offered him, and chewed it thoughtfully for a moment.

"well, after that, we did a lot of stunt work in Ken's crew, and even got to be in a couple of minor roles. It was all working out really well, and Ken and Ranma and I were getting along pretty well. Well, one night, Ranma and Ken got drunk, and amidst a flurry of other ideas, like "uncute tomboy destroys tokyo", Ken decided that he would make Ranma and I stars."

"How did you know all this?" Ukyou asked.

"I was there, drunk as any of them. I suggested 'super amazing crossdresser', but they shot it down. Bastards."

Ukyou laughed, and Ryoga started witha quickly fading smile.

"So the next day, Ken goes in and tells the head of the studio that if they don't let him direct a mvie funded by them starring me and Ranma, he'd walk."

"Wow!" Ukyou said. "It sure must have been nice to have someone stick up for you like that."

"yeah, well, here's what happened. Ranma, Ken and me worked on a script for like, two whole weeks. We had a great plan- it'd be kinda about how Ranma and I really are. Like, it'd have my curse and stuff. Ken even got it all set up so that Ranma got payed as both Ranma and Ranko, and I got paid as an animal handler, too. It was all working perfectly."

"So what went wrong?"

"Well, Ranma convinced me and ken that since we're special effects all on our own, that we could just drink the special effects budget."

"So? much as it pains me to say so, he was right."

"No, not really. There are some things that needed to be there, like for stuff that didn't involve us. So what we threw together for like breakable chairs and stuff to hit the extras with was all really terrible. It hurt them and looked really fake."

"So? It's hong kong."

"Yeah,they have a low standard, but apparently, if you cross it, then you're screwed. Anyways, audiences hated it. I keep an article around about it."

Ryoga pulled a yellowed newpaper clip from his backpack. It had two sections highlighted.

"I could not imagine a man coming across with more arrogance than Saotome Ranma. It was as though he was convinced that he didn't need to act- his presence was enough."

and "I'd say Hibiki acts like a wooden puppet, but that would be a terrible insult to China's rich history of acting, wooden puppets."

Ukyou looked up. "Ouch."

"Ranma got a chance to go back into the biz- everyone was really excited about 'ranko'. But once they found out she wouldn't do love scenes, her career was even more dead in the water than Ranma and I's."

"So you didn't get another chance?"

"Well, ken sorta got into big trouble over that flop. He'd managed to get a lot of money for it, and it all came out of his pocket- plus his agent renegotiated his contract so that he couldn't demand to direct anymore. He was pretty pissed at us."

"Bummer."

"It's water under the bridge now. Funny thing is, it's kinda getting popular now, in the "Bad movie connoisseur" group. Seems they really dig both the really terrible acting and the really awesome fights. So I still sometimes meet people who want my autograph."

"Cool" Ukyou replied. "I think I'd have liked that."

"If I'd thought of it, we coul have used you in the movie. But I was pretty much drunk from start to finish."

"What's it called?" Ukyou asked.

"Kung-fu Transformers"

Ukyou laughed. "Makes you sound like the toys."

"That was one of the problems with it, yes."

He munched some on some more okonomiyaki as Ukyou began to talk.

"I just kinda run my business here, in this small town. It's really nice here- they have a beautiful park, and nice kids. I watch them, sometimes. I miss practicing the arts, though."

"Really?" Ryoga said through a mouthful of okonomiyaki. Suddenly aware of talking with his mouth full, he swallowed down a bite that was not yet chewed enough. Pausing with a grimace as the bulky bite went painfully down, he composed himself and continued. "Me too. I haven't been getting enough practice for a long, long time. That movie business happened in my twenties."

Ukyou looked at him thoughtfully. "I suppose no one would really mind if I closed the restaurant down for an hour, or so, and we did a few exercises."

"No, I don't suppose they would."

Ukyou slid the front door closed, and cracked her knuckles as she walked towards the back door.

then she ran back in, grabbed Ryoga by the bandanna, and dragged him from her supply room out to the back door.