Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Nukem Nerima ❯ An odd encounter of the Nerima kind ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing save the basic premis of "Ranma get's hammered/blasted/whacked into an unconscious meeting with Duke Nukem in a sewer"

 

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Let us begin.

 

It is the day of Ranma's failed wedding to Akane, and it's well into the havoc. Happosai finally makes his appearance, but here, instead of drinking the Casket of Nannichuan, he produces several dozen bombs.

 

Naturally, everyone save Kasumi is hit by at least one.(1)

 

Ranma, unfortunatly, has several explode at her feet, sending her careening into a few of Ukyou's bombs, which then explode, sending Ranma's burnt form heavenward.

 

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Several minutes later, Duke Nukem is hunting down Aliens in Greater Tokyo's sewer system, and there's a loud thud as part of the tunnel ceiling collapses infront of him.

 

When the dust settles, Duke peers out from the corner he hid behind (2). He then starts tallying up what he sees, let's have a look, shall we?

 

'Hmmm, ceiling's gone, so something hit very hard, huh? American? No, she's Aisian, pretty though. Nice rack. Nice legs to, hey, wait a minute, where's the damn pod? I can never find a chick that ain't a stripper on these damn romps without them being stuck in a damn pod.'

 

As Duke moves closer, he sees more details.

 

'Huh, looks like her arm's broken. Nothing's meant to bend that way. What the?? She's been burnt? No, those look like explosive burns. (3) What the hell could have caused it though?'

 

Duke is finally close enough to get a good look at her face.

 

'Hmm, looks more Chinese than Japanese. European too, though I can't see exactly how. What's this? A key-card? Where'd that come from? (4) I guess I'd better get her back to the surface, I haven't found many aliens anyway.'

 

"Heh, It'd be just my luck if she killed one when she fell through."

 

Duke starts clinming the rubble to move her, when a hot water pipe (5) finally breaks, showering Duke, and the girl with semi-hot water.

 

"What the hell?"

 

"..." "Dammit! Those worthless Alien Butt-Fuckers are gonna pay for screwin around with our women!"

 

The girl, was not a girl anymore, ....

 

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In the Tendo home, Soun and Nabiki are watching the news.

 

#And in other news, famous American hero, Duke Nukem, 'The Savior of Los Angeles' has rescued a young male from the Nerimia sewers today. The boy's name is Ranma Saotome, and he will be staying at Ohtohiri Hospital for the next few weeks, recovering from several burns and a broken arm.#

 

#Duke Nukem has reported an oddity however, He claims that when he found Ranma, he was a short, red-headed Female. We'll have more on this story tonight at 10. I'm Joe Higashi, for KJPT 8 news.#

 

"Oh boy, how does Ranma get into these situations?"

 

"Ra, Ra, Waaaaahhhhhhhhh! The Schools will never be joined!!!!!" You only get one guess who this is, and half of it don't count.

 

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Author's notes: I'm curous as to what type of Fic I should post this as, is it a Spam-fic? Could be, though I don't think it qualifies.

 

Maybe just a one-shot? Yeah, that'll do.

 

Explanations:

 

(1) The reason Kasumi was not hit, well, there's a few dozen possibilities, but lets just say that she has an incredibly powerfull, 'Hurt me not' aura around her.

 

More importantly, Kasumi is the only character not actively trying to kill, maim, extort, marry, or poison Ranma, whom Happosai recognises as the Heir to his school

 

(2) Given some of the shit Duke has faced off against, I'd think he'd hide now and then whenever crap starts blowing up or falling apart all around him.

 

(3) I really don't know if one can tell on sight what may or may not have caused a burn, but Duke has been blown up enought times that if anyone could, it'd be him.

 

(4) The key-card is from Ranma's explosive entrance into the sewer, through a subway station. She managed to plow through a Yak-gang member[1] who was actually, (for whatever reason you wanna claim) trying to wash it's hands

 

(5) The Water pipe is the one Ranma nearly hit when she went through the Yak-gang, the wall, and the floor of the Subway Station's restroom.

 

[1] Yak-gangs consist of Yakuza members who have been altered so the look like humanoid Yaks

 

Acknowledgements:

 

Kudos aplenty to 3-D Realms, for having created Duke Nukem 3-D, from which I pull all things Nukem used in this fic.

 

Uber Kudos to Lady Takahasi, for having created the wonderfull world that is Ranma